A Cashless Karmic Transaction

, , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(It is December, and holiday gift shopping is in full swing. I’m minding my own business, paying with cash in a store.)

Customer: *behind me, scoffs* “Who uses cash anymore these days? Get with the times.”

(I ignore her and continue on my way to another store nearby. I’m in line to pay when the cashier announces that the electronic payment system is down. Later I learn this isn’t just the store’s problem, but stores across the entire country are having issues. They’re currently serving all customers who can pay with cash first while working on a solution for those who can’t. Coincidentally, the same customer is in the line in front of me. As I pass her to go pay, I can’t resist.)

Me: “Who pays cash these days? People who aren’t screwed right now.”

(The look on her face was absolutely worth it.)

Motorpsycho

, , , , | Friendly | June 22, 2018

(My family lives in a typically quiet residential neighborhood. However, one of our neighbors owns a motorcycle, and feels that it is entirely appropriate to race the motorcycle up and down the various streets, gunning the engine as loudly as he can, at any time of day. He’s not going anywhere in particular, just driving around in loops and up and down the streets. One day, our family is having an outdoor barbecue in our front yard when we hear the motorcyclist coming from around the corner. Right as he does, a plastic bag that has blown away from the party suddenly gets caught by the breeze and spins up into the air in front of the motorcycle. He swerves, and ends up skidding into the drainage ditch on the far side of the street. Several of the adults run to help, including my mother.)

Mother: “Oh, my gosh! Are you all right?”

Motorcyclist: “F*** OFF, C***!”

(He tries to stand up and take a swing at her, forcing her to step back, before he suddenly falls down and grabs his leg.)

Motorcyclist: “F****** b****! Look what you did! F***!”

(He continued swearing, even after 911 was called, right up until an ambulance showed up. When it did, he tried to get up again and hobbled away, swearing some more the entire time. Since then, we haven’t heard him revving around on his motorcycle, at all. Honestly, I rather hope he had to sell it to cover his hospital bills. Serves him right.)

Still Has Blind Faith In People

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

I regularly go to a local park to walk my dogs. I stumble and fall on the grass.

There are few people about. I am aware of someone passing me, but he doesn’t stop.

As I get up I see a man about twenty yards away apparently staring at me, but he makes no move towards me at all.

I am hurting. It isn’t bad, but I am surprised that two people have ignored me as I am a woman over 50 and therefore more likely to have people ask me if I am okay in such a situation.

However, as I observe them, it becomes clear that the man who passed me as I fell is very small of build and has significant cerebral palsy. The man further off was not staring at me at all, as he is blind. “What are the chances?!” I thought.

Don’t Want To Be In This Club Anymore

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

(I have volunteered at a kids’ carnival in my town for the last 15 years, since I was a kid myself. I have never had issues and I am always hard-working, despite a lack of people helping each and every year. It runs about four hours long, but it makes me happy to just help out. I am running the putt-putt golf game; basically, you shoot the ball into the hole from two feet away. Kids of any age can play. I am supplied the clubs and foam balls. This lady comes up and gives me her ticket and her kid plays. He doesn’t make it in, but I give him a prize, anyway. The mom is livid and she rips the club out of the kid’s hand.)

Kid’s Mom: “What the f***?! Are you trying to kill my kid here with these iron clubs?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s plastic, and please stop yelling.”

Kid’s Mom: “F*** you! You’re trying to kill my kid!”

(She starts yelling and swinging the club, brushing my arm.)

Kid’s Mom: “I’m calling my husband to bring new clubs here!”

(And like that, she takes the clubs from the game and storms off. I have to go explain to the event chief what she has done and that I cant run the game. If that wasn’t bad enough, a police officer comes up to me:)

Officer: “Are you the one running the golf game?”

(When I say yes, he puts me in handcuffs!)

Officer: “You’re being arrested for endangering a child, and groping a child and their mother.”

Me: *livid* “I have witnesses!”

Officer: “It’s your word versus hers.”

(She was distraught and crying right then to the officer’s partner. Thank God there were cameras in the school and it recorded everything to show I was right. The police said she was not going to be punished for this; that it was just an honest mistake. Since this happened, the school does not want me back, just in case, because of this woman and her complaint… all because she didn’t like the clubs I was supplied. Furthermore, I got charged for those clubs, since they did not get returned.)

You’ll End Up Served With Fava Beans And A Nice Bottle Of Chianti

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 21, 2018

(My husband and I are hosting a get-together of his friends and mine in our new apartment. He is introducing me to a friend of his who is a huge book nerd.)

My Husband: “I think you’ll like [My Name]; she’s a bibliophile, too! She just started reading Hannibal.

Friend: “Ugh, I hated that book. Doesn’t it seem so forced that Clarice runs off with Hannibal in the end?”

Me: “…”

My Husband: “What part of ‘just started reading’ did you not get?”

Friend: “But… but it came out years ago! There was a movie!”

Me: “’JUST STARTED READING,’ [FRIEND]!”

Friend: “THERE WAS A MOVIE!”

Me: “This book is useless to me now. You should just eat it. EAT THE BOOK, SPOILER DEMON!”

Friend: “I’m sorry! My book nerd hatred for a bad plot overcame my book nerd hatred for spoilers!”

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