Stand Up For Their Need To Sit Down

, , , , | Friendly | July 20, 2018

(I buy a new screen for my PC and then find a free seat on the subway to sit down, holding the package vertically on my lap. The subway fills up quickly, until an older lady stands beside me with no place to sit down. Despite the weight of the screen, I offer her the seat and try to stand up… when suddenly she slaps the top of the package and forces me back into the seat. Startled, I look at her for a second, until she says:)

Woman: “I’m not that old to be offered a seat; don’t you dare to stand up. Wait at least ten years to try that again.”

(Well… Okay, then.)

That Is Not A Happy Bunny

, , , , | Friendly | July 19, 2018

(I have pet rabbits. My neighbor asks me if his seven-year-old daughter can see them. I accept.)

Me: “Here they are.”

Daughter: “Bunnies! Can I hold one?”

Neighbor: “Of course, sweetheart.”

Me: “I have to advise against it. They might get spooked and start shrieking if picked up by an unfamiliar person. Maybe after they get used to you.”

Neighbor: “That’s just silly. It’s not like we’re wolves ready to eat them.”

Daughter: “I brought them carrots. Can I feed them?”

Me: “Sorry to break it to you, honey, but more than a teaspoon and they might get sick.”

Daughter: “But Bugs eats carrots.”

Me: “Bugs is a cartoon, and cartoons can do many things real animals cannot.”

Daughter: “Oh, that makes sense I guess. What do they eat?”

Me: “Mostly hay, grass, and leafy greens.”

Daughter: “Bunnies are weird, but cute… Can I use the restroom, please?”

(After we get back from the restroom, I see my neighbor has picked up a bunny which, as I expected, starts shrieking. I take the poor thing out of his hands and gently put him back.)

Neighbor: “What the h*** was that?!”

Me: “Congratulations! Your first scared rabbit. I did ask you not to pick them up.”

Daughter: *with a mouthful of cookies* “Daddy should practice what he preaches.”

(He asked me a few days later if he could have any baby bunnies. All of my rabbits are neutered and spayed, but even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t give him one.)

Hitler Ruins Everything

, , , , , | Friendly | July 19, 2018

(I’m on vacation in London with a friend and we are using the tube. We are German, but as we both lived in Ireland for a while and love British movies and television, our English skills are pretty good. As we chat about our plans for the day in German, I notice two middle-aged ladies sitting opposite from us, looking at us rather annoyed. My friend chatters on about the museums we are visiting today, but I can’t help but listen to the conversation in the seats opposite from us.)

Lady #1: “…and you can’t even go on the tube anymore without hearing every kind of jibber-jabber language. Germans, I can hear that all right.”

Lady #2: “Did you hear how they are trying to make [some English name] bow to their will in Brussel? They know the EU will suffer from losing us.”

Lady #1: “I’m sure they are happy about it. Then they can go back to their old ways, heil Hitler and everything. Mark my words: it’s a Nazi Europe out there without us, and we are better off the earlier we can rid us of that.”

(My friend stops talking as she notices me intently listening and looking at them. They notice me, too, and are — correctly I might add — a bit embarrassed. Then [Lady #1] goes for the rescue.)

Lady #1: *very polite with big smile* “Hello, do you speak English?

Me: *nods* “A bit.”

Lady #1: *very cheery* “Are you here on holiday? I heard you speak German; I learned some in school, back in the day. So, guten Tag und gute Reise! Haha, that’s all I remember!”

(I breathe deeply and answer, with my very best British accent:)

Me: “Well, that’s marvelous and good for you. But I would advise you to keep the Nazi-talk and ‘heil Hitler’ out of any German conversation, if it’s not a critical historical discussion. It is even punishable by law to use ‘heil Hitler’ in public, even in jest. I hope you are able to visit Germany one day, but I am not sure how it will work with non-EU citizens in the future. I’m sure you will be able to figure something out, should it ever come to that.”

(They did not find any more words before getting off at the next stop, rather hurriedly. For the record: this was the most memorable thing for me, as I have never EVER had any other Brit be that impolite to me before or after that in my life. I really would love them to stay in the EU, if only so I can keep visiting without a visa or whatnot.)

A Parking Spot Of Bother

, , , , , | Friendly | July 18, 2018

(This story takes place barely a month after my husband and I returned from our honeymoon and began living together for the first time. My husband is preparing to lead a soccer tour to an African country, taking along a couple dozen students. Understandably, it has been a busy time, and he is dealing with the final preparations. On Friday, the evening before he is set to leave, he gets home from work and decides he wants to park his car in the stall we get at our condo complex, instead of leaving his car on the street for two weeks. Unfortunately, there is someone parked in our stall, and my husband says he’s noticed the same vehicle there before. Slightly stressed with everything that is going on, my husband panics, and sees a sign in the parking lot with a number to call if there are any problems. He calls, and a tow truck comes and tows the car away. Soon after, we get a knock on our door.)

Dude: “Hey, did you get my car towed?”

Husband: “Yeah, you were parked in our stall. Sorry about that.”

Dude: “That was a jerk move. You could have just left a note on my windshield!”

Husband: “I’m sorry about that. I just have a lot going on right now, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m really sorry.”

(Our neighbour gives him a few more choice words after that, says something about living next door to a condo board member and them saying it was okay to park in our spot, and storms off. My husband and I leave the condo for an hour or two afterwards, and as soon as we return, there is another knock on the door.)

Dude: “Hey, it’s going to cost $450 to get my car back.”

Husband: “I’m really sorry.”

(They went back and forth a few more times, the guy getting progressively angrier. The conversation finished with the guy threatening to take us to small claims court. Yeah. Small court claims because he was parking in OUR parking spot — aka stealing. I ended up calling the condo management company and speaking to one of the administrative ladies to explain the situation, just in case he called. As I was finishing my story, I’m pretty sure I could hear her softly chuckling. She ended up calling me a few days later and said she spoke with the person in question, that he was in the wrong, and that the situation was resolved. My husband definitely regrets calling the number, as leaving a note would have been nicer, but at the same time, the guy didn’t have any leg to stand on. He didn’t park in our spot again and my husband saw him only once more after that. It was late at night, around the parking lot, and my husband thinks he was drunk. He said something along the lines of, “That spot good enough for you?”)

Cut In Line And I’ll Cut You Down

, , , , | Friendly | July 18, 2018

(I am waiting in line at the supermarket with my husband and my bad shoulder is a bit painful. I have arthritis and when it’s acting up, I am not very comfortable in crowded spaces because people tend to bump into me and the pain will get worse. There are about five other people in line before us. The woman behind me keeps bumping into me and pushing me. I think it is accidental at first. I tell her to be careful, and that because of my arthritis in my shoulder, it is really painful.)

Woman: “I really don’t care! It’s not my problem!’

(Less than a minute later, she pushes again, but much harder. I move to the side, holding my shoulder in pain, and by the time I turn to her, she has already taken my place in line.)

Me: “What do you think you’re doing? You know pushing me out of the way won’t get you to the cashier faster.”

(She looks at me for a second and turns her head back to ignore me. My husband, who is still in line in front of her, has turned around and is glaring at her. She is trying to ignore him at first, but when she realises that it is not working, she tells him that I was the one trying to cut in front of her! He just laughs it off and keeps staring at her. She starts to look offended. I step next to her and tap on her shoulder to get her attention.)

Woman: “What do you want?”

Me: “I told you that pushing me was not going to get you to the cashier faster!”

(She is not moving and even has an irate look on her face.)

Me: “He’s my husband! Go back to your place!”

(The woman turned bright red and stepped back in line behind me. I heard a few people laugh, and noticed they were all looking at her. I was in a lot of pain, but after putting someone back in their place like that, I had a smirk on my face!)

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