Should Have Kept The Cat

, , , , , | Friendly | December 13, 2019

Back when I was a uni student, I went home to my parents each summer and worked in my hometown. 

On the morning of Midsummer Eve, one of the biggest holidays here in Sweden, our neighbour rang the doorbell and asked me if I could look after her cat over the weekend as she was going away. 

As soon as I had agreed, she dropped her key in my hand and ran off to her car. This was before cell phones and I had no way of contacting her. Oh, well, it was just over the weekend.

When I went over to feed the cat, I found one can of cat food on the counter. I checked the fridge and cupboards for more food but that was it. Well, it should last over the weekend, at least.

Monday came and no neighbour. 

Nor Tuesday and Wednesday. 

She came back three weeks later and we ended up in a huge argument as she refused to reimburse me for the cat food I had bought. She had left food, she insisted. Somehow one can should have lasted three weeks.

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Obviously, He Is Very Insecure

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 12, 2019

(I’m riding the bus with my partner and a friend of ours who’s a few years younger than us. We’re all in our twenties and very nerdy. We’re making silly jokes about sorting the crew of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” into Hogwarts houses or something when another passenger turns around and looks at us. He’s an older man wearing a Hawaiian shirt, not very well-groomed, and reeking of cigarettes. He directs the following remarks to my partner, completely ignoring our friend and me:)

Stranger: “Hey, you!”

Partner: “Um, yes?”

Stranger: *in a weirdly sneering, accusatory tone* “What’s your job?”

Partner: “I work in publishing.”

Stranger: *clearly a bit thrown by my partner having a “real” job, but forging on anyway* “Well, do you know anything about securities?”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “You don’t.”

Partner: “No.”

Stranger: “Why not?”

Partner: “It’s not my job.”

Stranger: “Oh. Huh. Well. I just thought… uh, you sounded like a real smart guy there, so I thought you might know something about it.”

Partner: “Nope.”

(The stranger gets off the bus at the next stop and I start laughing.)

Friend: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Well, you remember how earlier today I was having lunch with my friend from high school, the one who’s a lawyer? And how I invited her to come along with us, too, but she couldn’t make it?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Well, clearly El Rando there was going after [Partner] because he thought he was the ‘alpha male’ of our group or something. But [High School Friend] actually specializes in banking law… with an emphasis on securities. She’s gonna be so grumpy she missed on an opportunity to lecture some sexist old man about legal technicalities.”

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Lane Of Karma

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 10, 2019

A stretch of my local highway is undergoing construction, which means that the normal two lanes collapse down to one for about a half-mile. Naturally, this means that traffic ends up slowing way down as cars have to merge into the single lane. This then leads to plenty of impatient idiots who make things worse by ignoring all of the signs to merge over and speed up to the point where the construction cones start before they even think about trying to get over. And when they do, they will force their way in, which slows traffic even more as people have to stomp on their brakes to avoid them.

However, this last week I got to see a scapegoat for these impatient idiots get a bit of karma sent her way. A lady was driving a red convertible and came speeding up to the point where construction started. I was right behind a big eighteen-wheeler, which had just entered the construction zone, so there was no room to cut in front of it. The lady in question sped up alongside the truck before apparently realizing, “Oh, there are traffic cones right in front of me,” and, “Oh, there is a giant truck there that I can’t cut around.” I got to watch her fishtail a little as she tried to stop or figure out where to go before her car plowed into the cones and slid straight into the ditch where the road had been broken up and removed.

She seemed to be okay, no airbags deployed or anything, but her car certainly wasn’t going to go anywhere without help, and I’m guessing she’d have some nice big fines to pay. I admit, I laughed as I drove past, getting to see one of those impatient idiots get their comeuppance.

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Put Her Own Head On The Block

, , , , | Friendly | December 9, 2019

(I’m at the grocery store and need to get some produce. A couple and an elderly lady have stopped to chat and are nearly blocking the main path into the produce area. I’m in a foul mood, and I silently push my cart between the two parties to get where I need to be, keeping careful not to hit anyone. The elderly lady then turns to me.)

Elderly Lady: “What do you say?”

Me: “Quit blocking a high-traffic area!”

(I think she was expecting an “excuse me”!)

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This Is Why The Theater Is Dying

, , , , , | Friendly | December 8, 2019

My partner and I go see the 7:10 showing of Maleficent and, as we rarely go to the movies due to many bad experiences in the past, we decide to make this experience nicer by purchasing an expensive tray consisting of popcorn, two drinks, and two candies. We have assigned seating and purposely choose the row behind the handicap seats as we figure most people like to sit much further back.

A family with children comes in and sits directly behind us. One of the children starts hanging all over the seats and kicking our seats. I keep looking back at them hoping the “mother” will get him to knock it off. 

This continues all the way through the end of the movie. When the movie ends, I get up and look at her and say sarcastically, “Great job controlling your child.” She tells me to turn around — signs of a s***ty parent there. 

I wish I had gotten a manager when the child first started up.

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