Charisma Is Clearly This Troll’s Lowest Attribute

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 18, 2019

I’m an avid player of a particular MMORPG. It isn’t the most well-known one in the genre, which I’m fine with since a smaller community generally means fewer trolls and the like. They certainly still pop up every now and again, as this incident demonstrated. For context, the game has several races to choose from, only two of which are basically human in appearance, and characters can be customized a fair amount; I enjoy making characters and have quite a few, but the one I was playing on this day was a humanoid woman with very dark brown skin.

I left the character standing around in a city while I took my dog on a brief walk, and came back to a wall of private messages from someone that started off demanding to know why I’d made a [racial slur]. I’m not sure if this person either wasn’t planning to wait for a reply or simply didn’t realize I was away and got angry at apparently being ignored, but they went on and on about how I was a [slur]-lover, forcing diversity into a fantasy world, complicit in white genocide, etc., and topped it all off with calling me a [gay, transphobic slur] for playing a female character who “wasn’t even wearing anything sexy.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen the “logic” that the only reason a man would play a female character outside of eye candy is if he’s gay or transgender.

The player who’d sent these messages wasn’t around by the time I came back — given the volume of text, I think they’d been blocked by the in-game spam prevention — although I wasn’t planning to reply, anyway. I simply blocked and reported them and went on my way. However, I couldn’t help but laugh at a few of their incorrect assumptions. First of all, I’m not white — though I’m not black like my character appeared to be, either. Second of all, I am gay… but I’m a gay woman who just doesn’t think a lady needs to be wearing a chainmail bikini to be sexy.

For all their ranting about me “taking the fun out of the game,” I don’t think they’re enjoying themselves all that much if such a little thing sets them off like that.

Please Leave A Message After The Heckin’ Bork

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 18, 2019

When answering machines are still relatively new contraptions for home use in the mid-80s, my parents get one for our house. Our dog has been trained to bark on command via hand signals, so, for the novelty value, it’s decided at some point that the greeting message will be the dog barking a few times.

Normally, we don’t get a lot of calls — just family every so often. One day, we return to find the machine blinking that there are a number of messages waiting. The cassette is rewound and the first several messages are nothing but hangups. After a couple of these, there’s finally a stranger’s voice:

“Martha! MARTHA! COME QUICK! They’ve trained a dog to answer the phone!”

Not All Families Are Going To The Dogs

, , , , , | Friendly | April 17, 2019

(A friend and I go to the mall together. We both have service dogs, both for different conditions. We’re in the food court, trying to decide what to eat. A stranger comes up to us with her three young kids.)

Mother #1: “Oh, look at the pretty doggies!”

(My friend and I exchange looks. We know exactly where this is going.)

Mother #1: “Do you guys want to pet the doggies?”

(Another mother with a young child, about four or five, comes up. She’s noticed the other family eyeing our service dogs.)

Mother #2: *loudly* “[Son], do you see those two dogs?”

Son: “Yes! Can I pet them?”

Mother #2: “Nope, do you see what they’re wearing?”

Son: “They have coats on! Why are they wearing coats?”

Mother #2: “It means they’re working. Some dogs have very important jobs. You know how [Name] helps people who can’t do some things by themselves?”

Son: “Yeah! He helps them go out and get food and medicine and do fun stuff!”

Mother #2: “Well, those dogs do that, too. Some help blind people, some help people get around, and some even warn people if they’re going to eat something they’re allergic to!”

Son: “That’s so cool!”

Mother #2: “But if you pet them, you’ll distract them from doing their important job! So, that’s why you never, ever per a dog wearing that vest!”

Son: “Okay, Mommy!”

(The first family seems to have understood and wanders off. I go to the second mom and thank her.)

Mother #2: “Oh, it’s all right. My nephew is an aide for people with disabilities; he works with some people with service dogs and says it’s the biggest problem.”

(We ended up buying her and her son ice cream. The son wanted to learn all about service dogs, so we talked for a while about what ours do. He also told us to tell them they were doing a very, very good job!)

This Sweet Child O’ Mine Knows His Stuff

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 17, 2019

(Some coworkers and I decide to eat out during our lunch break. One of them is showing off some vacation photos on his phone.)

Coworker: “This photo we took at Dunluce Castle. This is the same place Led Zeppelin took a picture for one of their albums.”

(One of my older coworkers turns to another one, who is in his mid-20s. )

Older Coworker: “You see, Led Zeppelin was this rock band that started up in the 60s. We’re not talking about blimps made out of lead.”

Younger Coworker: “Really? Next thing, you’re going to tell me that Pink Floyd isn’t actually a person.”

Older Coworker: *pause* “Ooh, I didn’t expect that pull.”

(The older coworker didn’t try to tease the younger coworker over generational things anymore. In fact, they frequently get together during breaks to talk about music now!)

What About Betty, Bette, Barbara, Bennett, And Bergman?

, , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

(A long-term client has just come in with their new dog. A few months ago they had to euthanize Birdie because of cancer and Bogey was lonely, so they got a new puppy that they haven’t named yet. They ask for ideas. I’m a high school student and both my coworker and the clients are both much older.)

Coworker: “Well, how about calling her Eagle? Keep the golf theme going.”

Client: “No, we want to avoid golf; too many memories of Birdie.”

Coworker: “So, no theme, then…”

Client: “I’d like a theme; I just can’t think of anything that goes with Bogey.”

Me: “Bacall.”

Client: “What?”

Me: “Bogey and Bacall — Humphrey and Lauren. Y’all were actually alive when those movies came out. You’ve seen them, right?”

Client: “I have, but when did you?”

Me: “My dad is a high school teacher, and for as long as I can remember, any time he made a reference in class that a student didn’t get he would come home and make sure I did. I also know who Fred and Ginger are.”

(Lauren — they decided Bacall didn’t fit — and Bogey got along great. And my coworker was happy to find someone to discuss old movies with.)

Page 1/81812345...Last