Roommate And Chemicals Don’t Mix

, , , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2017

(I have been attending college and just moved into my first apartment. I am a slightly older student, and so I asked for an older roommate. I am there for one month, and my roommate proceeds to give me the cold shoulder the entire time. Finally, after three and a half weeks, he starts to warm up to me. One Thursday night, I invite my friends over to hang out. My roommate decides to join us, and they begin playing a drinking game. I do not drink, so I am drinking water. Everyone gets drunk pretty quickly.)

Friend #1: “I’m hungry. Do you have any snacks? Anything sweet?”

Me: “Yeah, there’s some ice cream in the fridge; help yourself!”

Friend #2: “I want some ice cream!”

Roommate: “You can’t have any ice cream; you’ll throw up. Don’t make me take care of you tonight.”

Friend #2: “I’ll be fine!”

Friend #1: “Yeah, she didn’t drink that much.”

Roommate: “Whatever, man…”

Me: *to my friend* “Hey, I might have something for your stomach…”

(As I try and ask if [Antacid] or [Motion Sickness Medicine] would work, my roommate loses his cool. He stands up in his seat and begins screaming at me at the top of his lungs from across the table.)

Roommate:What?! What are you talking about!? Chemicals?! She needs water!

(He jabs his finger in my face to emphasize his point. I am staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. I really don’t handle people screaming at me very well, especially drunk people, and tend to panic or cry.)

Friend #1 & #2: “Woah, you need to calm down.”

Roommate: “NO! SHE’S OFFERING YOU CHEMICALS! What was it you said!?” *I hadn’t named anything yet.* “SHE NEEDS TO DRINK WATER! YOU GOT THAT!? WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

(He storms off to his room, still screaming at the top of his lungs. As my friends try to talk him down, I shakily stand up and head off to my room. However, doing this seems to irritate my roommate more, and he becomes much louder.)

Friend #2: “You need to stop!”

Roommate: “NO! IF SHE WANTS TO BE IMMATURE, LET HER! I’M THE ONE BEING AN ADULT HERE!”

Me: *turns to look at my roommate* “Can I say something? I’m not leaving because you were wrong. I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking.” *at this point I really just want him to stop screaming* “I left because you’re screaming at me and it’s very rude.”

Roommate: “YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT RUDE!? I KNOW YOU WENT IN MY ROOM!”

Me: “What? I’ve never been in your room.”

Roommate: “WHY IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?! IF YOU DIDN’T DO IT, WHY THE F*** IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?!”

Me: “I—”

Roommate: “WHY IS YOUR VOICE SHAKING?!”

Me: “B-because my heart is pounding? You’re screaming at me.”

Roommate: “I’M TRYING TO BE AN ADULT HERE. THIS IS TOO IMMATURE FOR ME. ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DON’T DEAL WITH LIARS!”

(Then he stormed out of the apartment, stomping so loudly that the floor to our third-floor apartment shook. After this, I was scared of this man and proceeded to go home. I spent the next week quickly moving my stuff out of the apartment and commuting to school, which took two whole hours, one way. I came to find out that he submitted a complaint to the front office within the first day of me living there. It made things very ironic and incredibly creepy when I returned to the apartment at the end of the week and found that not only had he stolen some of my personal belongings from the common area, he had also dug through my personal trash for things to keep. I will be filing a police report tomorrow morning. Guilty conscious much?)

Mama And Papa New Guinea

, , , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2017

(My friend lives alone in Canada and I live in the US. We spend all of our free time online chatting. She has recently purchased a baby poofy guinea pig as a pet, since her apartment building won’t allow cats or dogs. She has raised guinea pigs before, so she knows what to do. After a couple months, my friend sadly messages me.)

Friend: “I think my guinea pig is dying.”

Me: “Oh, no!”

Friend: “Yeah. She doesn’t move around at all anymore and hasn’t really eaten the past couple of days. I’ll message you later; I’m going for a walk.”

(My friend goes for a walk and then comes home, texting me.)

Friend: “Well, I think my guinea pig is doing better!”

Me: “Really? Awesome!”

Friend: “Yeah! She threw up a couple hairballs and now seems to have more energy.”

Friend: “Oh, God! The hairballs are breathing! It’s babies! She’s having babies! What do I do?!”

Me: “Aww! Let nature take over. She’ll know what to do.”

Friend: “I don’t know how to take care of babies!”

Me: “Relax!”

Friend: “BUT SHE WAS A BABY WHEN I GOT HER! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!”

(We discovered later that guinea pigs mate at a very young age if not separated quickly; the store had not separated them quickly enough!)

Kid Earns A High Five

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(The young son of one of our regulars is the cutest thing. He goes up to my coworker with a pack of cards that we give away for free, as a promotion for a game his dad plays, and he says, in his tiny voice:)

Kid: “Is it okay I took this? It says ‘thirteen plus.’ I’m five.”

Coworker: “That’s okay; we won’t tell.”

(We both had a good laugh at his seriousness. Ah, the logic of a five-year-old.)

Driving On The Wrong Side Of Misogyny

, , , , | Friendly | October 16, 2017

(I’m leaving work and am about to pull out of the parking lot when a traffic collision occurs just a few feet in front of my bumper. After checking to see that everyone is okay, I pull my car back further into the parking lot so as not to inhibit the flow of traffic. This particular parking lot has two entrances, but only one exit, and the cars involved are partially blocking that exit, forcing others to go around. Nearby are the two drivers, a male and a female, and a handful of witnesses. Some people rubberneck while driving past, and a few roll down their windows to check if everyone is all right. One man rolls down his window to call out something in a cheerful voice. No one is quite able to hear what he said.)

Female Witness: *smiling* “Sorry?”

Male In Car: *louder* “If you don’t like the way women drive, stay off the sidewalk!””

(He chuckles to himself while any smiles there might have been on the witnesses’ face fade. He notices that nobody else is laughing at his joke.)

Male In Car: “It’s [Famous Comedian]! From his stand-up!”

(Nope. Pretty sure that sexist remark was all you, buddy.)

A Crafty Way To Make Money

, , , , , , , | Friendly | October 15, 2017

(I have taken my nieces and nephews out shopping while babysitting. I go to a friend’s business where she has a cafe. It’s a very safe environment; the whole place is only three rooms, and I know most of the people there. There’s a woman that I know there on this day, and she’s got some items set up on one of the tables in the cafe. I leave the kids eating while I go to the second room to pay for our meals, and when I come back I find this woman has approached them. They are all out of their chairs, ready to follow her.)

Woman: “Oh, hi, [My Name]! I was just asking the kids if they want to do some crafts with me!”

(She talks to them, getting them excited about doing the crafts. I’m hesitant about letting them, as we have to leave very soon to get home in time for their father to pick them up, but the kids are so excited about it and I don’t want to let them down.)

Me: “Okay, just something real quick; we have to leave in ten minutes.”

(I finish my meal and then tell them we have to leave.)

Woman: “Okay, [My Name], that’s four children at $15 each.”

Me: “What? You never said anything about payment to begin with.”

(My friend who owns the business always runs free crafts for children during school vacation time, and I have donated craft things myself.)

Woman: “Oh, didn’t I? You can give a donation if you want; whatever you think is fair.”

Me: “All I’ve got is $10.”

Woman: “Okay, that will do as a donation.” *turns to kids* “Okay, pack up your stuff now.”

(The only thing they have done is draw on a piece of paper. She turns back to me.)

Woman: “You can bring the rest to me next week.”

Me: “That $10 was all I could afford; I’m sorry.”

(As we left, I saw her at another table inviting more children to do crafts with her. They were the children of staff members, including the owner’s son. I mentioned what happened to the owner, who told me I wasn’t the only one to make a complaint about her approaching children and then trying to make the parents pay.)

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