Should Stick To 2D Printing

| CA, USA | Friendly | May 28, 2017

(I’m sitting on my computer talking to several friends over a group chat about the RPG we’re going to be soon playing, when as usual, the conversation derails when my best friend eerily knows exactly what I’m looking at on my computer. It’s important to note that this BFF was one of the groomsmen for my husband when we got married, flew out 3000 miles from where we grew up to be at the wedding, and he’s 6’2″.)

Me: “Get out of my computer, [BFF].”

BFF: “Don’t you know, [My Name], I’m always in your computer. You had to 3D print me for your wedding.”

Me: *without even thinking* “No, I didn’t. I would never use that much material.”

(A long pause, before BFF’s girlfriend and the other two in the chat burst into hysterical laughter.)

BFF: “RUDE!”

Me: “WHAT? NO I MEANT THAT YOU WERE TALL; NOT YOUR WEIGHT.”

(Cue all of us including BFF devolving into giggles.)

Fast Pass Holders And Hypocrites This Way

| Orlando, FL, USA | Friendly | May 27, 2017

(I am at a big theme park with my family. We go every once in a while and are waiting in line for a kiddie coaster to relive some nostalgia. The line’s backed up to the point that they’ve set up extra outside the constructed line and it gets a little wide and crowded so you have to be aware of where you are in the order. I notice I’m faced with a gaudy leopard print shirt that wasn’t there five minutes ago. I like to people watch and this woman was definitely not in front of us before.)

Brother: *softly* “I think that woman just cut in front of us when we weren’t paying attention.”

Me: “Yeah, I thought something was up but I didn’t wanna say anything.”

Brother: “Should we just… slip back in front of her at a wide turn to avoid an altercation?”

(I am nervous about it, but we do, since she has an obnoxious air about her. We are young teens, and we decide between the two of us that she was DEFINITELY not there before. Her son notices. Yikes.)

Son: “Were those people in front of us before?”

Woman: *easily loud enough for us and probably a few people in front and behind the four of us as well to hear* “No, they were not. People like that just like to cut in line because they don’t care about anyone but themselves, honey.”

(She went on for about five minutes about what horrible, selfish line-cutters we were and never to be like us when SHE cut in front of US! I couldn’t believe the nerve this woman had. I kinda hope she wandered in front of us without realizing so that kid isn’t being raised by such a hypocrite.)

Cinco-No-No

| NM, USA | Friendly | May 26, 2017

(Today is Cinco de Mayo. My friend is known for having some… special moments.)

Friend: “Happy Cinco de Marco!”

Me: “Uh… Cinco de Mayo.”

(Later…)

Me: “Fun fact: Cinco de Mayo isn’t really celebrated at all in Mexico except in one small town.”

Friend: “Really? But isn’t today like Day of the Dead? I thought that was really big in Mexico?”

Me: “That’s Día de los Muertos, and it’s around Halloween. You know, the holiday with the sugar skulls and stuff?”

Friend: “Oh, I thought that was in May.”

Me: “No… You live 45 minutes from the border and you don’t know this?”

Weighing The Pros And Cons

| Ireland | Friendly | May 26, 2017

(I’m on a knitting tour organized by the Irish Tourism Board that includes classes and an overnight stay on one of the Aran Islands. The trip over is by ferry, but going back we have to fly (in two batches, on a plane about the size of my front porch). At the airport the desk attendant explains that for safety reasons she not only has to weigh our luggage, but all of us as well.)

Fellow Tourist: *aghast* “She’s weighing us?”

Me: “Yes, but look — she’s just writing it down; she’s not announcing it.”

Fellow Tourist: “Good, because I’m wearing heavy shoes.”

Need To Take A Clean Break

| CA, USA | Friendly | May 26, 2017

My mom decides to visit my apartment, which I share with two roommates. They’re sloppy, and my mom is a neat freak, so I plan out a schedule to clean before she comes. We agree on it, and everyone’s excited to meet my mom.

Three days in, my roommates have done nothing, the apartment is half-clean, and my mom is visiting tomorrow morning. I also come down with a low fever and a migraine, so after struggling through the first half of the day, I explain that I’m going to lie down for a little bit, and I really hope they do something while I’m passed out.

Six hours later, it’s 9:00, and no progress has been made. My roommates are gone, with only a scrawled note to explain that they went out to the bar; they’ll be back around 3:00. Yay.

That’s the story of how I ended up cleaning an entire apartment, with a migraine, running a 101°F (about 39°C) fever. I am so glad I finally moved out a few months later.

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