Putting All Your Groceries In Someone Else’s Car At Christmas Can Be Misconstrued As Gifting

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 14, 2018

My mom is known for being absent minded at times, especially when tired. It is after work during Christmas time, and she rightfully is a bit more stressed and tired than usual. On her way home this evening, she stops to buy groceries at the local market. When she emerges from the store, everything is covered by a light snow. She gets to her car, fumbles a bit with the key and opens the trunk. She is in the process of emptying her shopping cart in the back of the car when she hears a faint cough.

She freezes. Silence. Ever so slowly, she raises her eyes up to see four people, all seated and buckled up, looking at her in shock. She looks at them, they look at her. She checks the car and it looks the same. She then checks the number plate and notices it is not her car. She turns her head and sees that her car is the one right next to it.

Without a word and without breaking eye contact with the family, she gets all of her groceries out of their car, slowly closes the trunk ,and walks a few meters to hers. They leave while she is still filling her trunk with the bags, and they still look shocked. From now on, she always checks the license plate before touching any car!

No One Is Surprised, As Angrily Honking The Car Horn Proves Less Effective Than Language

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 13, 2018

(I’m leaving campus late at night and I come up to the intersection at the street outside. The light is red. I press the button for the pedestrian crossing. I’ve noticed before that this intersection’s lights are badly programmed: it takes three to five minutes at night for the light to turn green after pressing the button. There’s no traffic at all, and no other people around. I press the pedestrian crossing button and wait near it. About five seconds later, a lone car comes up on the road to my left, also out of the campus, clearly intending to go straight across in the same direction as me. It stops at the red light, in the second lane away from me. Then, suddenly:)

Driver: *Hoooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooonk.*

(I’m startled and confused.)

Driver: *Hoooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooonk.*

(I’m alarmed enough that I take a couple steps away.)

Driver: *Hoooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooooooonk.*

(I look over and see it’s an expensive sports car, with some very impatient-looking, young dude behind the wheel. He’s making weird and angry faces at me and gesturing wildly; either pointing at me or at the light-pole behind me, while really laying on his horn. The other side of the street is a residential neighborhood, it’s late at night, and he’s making an enormous racket. I’m understandably weirded out and I take some more steps away.)

Driver: *Hoooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooooooonk. Hoooooooooooooonk.*

(He keeps on making angry faces at me and gesturing. I step away some more.)

Driver: *Hoooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooonk. Hooooooooonk. Hoooooooooooooonk.*

(With more angry faces and gesturing, I’m thoroughly freaked out. This is really weird, and there’s no one else around at all. The honking is just nonstop now. I take a wild guess and press the button for pedestrian crossing AGAIN. Like magic, the dude quits his gesticulating and lays off the horn.)

Me: *thinking* “Oh, my f****** God. Really!? That a**wipe really thought I was just standing around here waiting for a green light without having pressed the button?! And he was willing to scare the ever-living h*** out of me and wake up the whole neighborhood with this racket just to make me press that stupid button again?!

(Surprise, surprise, nothing happened after I pressed the button again. We both had to wait several more minutes for a green light, anyway, just like always at that intersection.)

Stan Lee… RIP

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | November 12, 2018

Many of us here at Not Always Right grew up with the marvelous comic creations of Stan Lee, and we were all sad to hear of his passing. In tribute to his amazing legacy, we have rounded up some stories from the archives that show we are not alone in being touched by prolific and creative energy.


Photo credit: Fort Greene Focus on VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

 

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers – True love can blossom in comic conundrums.

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers, Part 2 – True love can also blossom in comic confrontations!

Generation X – Stan’s creativity has allowed many children to think outside the box.

Granola Bars, High In Iron, Gamma Rays, And Vibranium –  For well-behaved children, the reward is Marvel!

The Stark Truth Shall Set You Free – Marvel’s output gets biblical in its complexity.

Got The Avengers Nailed – Who said comics are just for boys?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Customer Service – The secret identity to a child’s happiness.

The Infinity Aisle – With great power comes a great work ethic!

Made Contact With The X-Men – A child’s wonder is one of the best things that come from comics.

The Black Widow To My Hawkeye – DC? Eww!

A Thort-ful Child, Part 2 – Stan Lee, we were Loki to have you.

 

Want more? Then why not revisit our Superhero Roundup?

Mean Girls Hate Themselves More Than They Hate You

, , , , , | Friendly | November 12, 2018

(I’m shopping with my older sister. I’m 16, going through a period of having body image issues, and I have trouble shopping alone. I have a rather skinny build, while my sister is plus-size and curvy. We’re looking at bras when two random women start making comments.)

Woman #1: “Check that out; the cow looks even larger with that pancake beside her.”

Woman #2: “Why are they shopping for bras, anyway? One has nothing and the other can’t possibly afford a custom that big.”

(Their comments make me sink deeper into my shell, while their obnoxious laughing irritates my sister.)

Sister: “Mind your own business, will you? You’re only making yourself look dumb.”

Woman #1: “Ever heard about freedom of speech, big girl?”

Sister: “Freedom of speech doesn’t mean you can go around insulting people without consequences.”

Woman #2: “What are you going to do? Sit on us until we say sorry?”

Sister: “I wasted enough precious air talking to you. I have better things to do than talking to two random b****es who need to insult people to feel better, and their cold hearts to keep their plastic bodies from melting.”

(My sister quickly pulled me out of that store and told me two things. One is that your body is a unique work of art; treat it with extreme care. The second is that people who insult you are so arrogant they’re miles away from reality, dumb, insecure, or simply rotten. People like that will fade away if you don’t give them the attention they crave.)

Religion To Step Up Its Game, As Hell Advertises Itself As Pretty Darn Awesome

, , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2018

(This is something I hear while waiting at some traffic lights. There is a preacher standing close to the crossing, and he clocks an elderly woman crossing the road.)

Preacher: “Hello, and how you are today? Would you like to know how you can have immortal life with Jesus? It starts—”

Woman: “Oh, no. I’m hoping I get into Hell, actually.”

Preacher: *gasps* “But why?”

Woman: “Because my brother’s down there for being gay. He died of AIDS in the eighties. I miss him.”

(She continued walking while the preacher stood, dumbstruck.)

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