I’m replying to a post on a social media music forum.
OP: “So, what was the last concert you guys went to? Who was the artist?”
Commenter #1: “I saw Ozzy’s last show. RIP Prince of Darkness.”
Commenter #2: “John Legend.”
Me: “Trans Siberian Orchestra.”
Commenter #3: “They have an orchestra for [anti-transgender slur]s?! F****** woke s***!”
I have a redbone coonhound, the kind of dog featured in the bittersweet novel ‘Where the Red Fern Grows’. She’s named Ann, like the one in the book. They’re not common in the Pacific Northwest. We had to go to a shelter a few states away to get her, and she gets noticed often when I take her for walks.
Most people just comment that they’ve read the book, or wonder if we take her hunting (no: I’m not skilled enough, and she’s scared of loud noises like her namesake), or are just curious about a breed they don’t see much.
One interaction stands out:
Woman: “Oh, is that a redbone?”
Me: “Yes, she is!”
Woman: “Is she fixed?”
Me: “Uh, yes; she is.”
Woman: *Scoffing.* “Typical.”
Me: *Confused.* “She came that way; she was already three when we got her. Although I would have done it anyway.”
Woman: “That’s very selfish of you. People really like this kind of dog, and some people would have liked to breed her!”
Me: “She’s not even papered or anything; she’s probably not purebred. And more importantly, she’s not your dog.”
Woman: “So selfish.”
She stormed off. I just shook my head, and Ann and I continued our walk into a greenbelt so she could sniff for raccoons, squirrels, opossums, and other creatures she likes to bay at, not caring at all about the weirdo we’d just encountered.
Last weekend we attended a Halloween cookout at a friend’s house. They have a great outdoor movie screen, so after it started getting darker, they set everything up to watch the film they’d selected: ‘Addams Family Values’.
Everyone was aware of what movie would be shown, since they emailed the group beforehand. Most of the kids weren’t even paying attention during the movie; they were too busy running around the rest of the yard, but a few settled in to watch.
What I think some of the parents forgot is the opening scene, when Morticia is in the hospital having a baby. A random girl in the waiting room tells Wednesday and Pugsley that her new baby sibling was made in a cabbage patch. Then, Wednesday informs her their parents are having a baby too, because they had sex.
Most of the adults laughed, and in the pause while the intro music is playing, one kid suddenly shouts.
Kid: “Dad? What is sex?”
Dad: “Uh… don’t worry about it right now, son. We’ll talk about it later.”
After the movie, everyone is saying goodbye, and I guess the dad could tell his son was gearing up for more questions.
Dad: *Sigh.* “This is going to be an interesting car ride home.”
A group of girls is on the way to school on my morning bus. I overhear one of them come up with a shower thought in real-time:
Girl #1: “Why is it eleven, and not one-ety-one?”
Girl #2: “Because it sounds funny?”
Girl #3: “Yeah, ‘cos then it would be two-ety-two!”
All the girls chuckle a little.
Girl #2: “Three-ty-three!”
They all burst into laughter now.
Girl #3: “Haha, yeah, or forty-four! …Oh.”
Momentum stalled, they’re all silent for a moment. All you can hear is the engine of the bus.
Girl #1: “Five-ety-five!”
Cue the laughter again.
After some bar-hopping, a group of us (all college students, all from different parts of the country) hit up an IHOP after the bars closed. After we’ve ordered, an older lady who sat one table over, walks over. She’s finished and paid for her meal, so we think she’s about to just pass us by on her way to the exit, but then she stops.
Lady: “Here, take this.”
She pulls a stick of butter from her purse and tries to hand it over to my friend.
Lady: “They don’t have the real stuff here!”
My friend reaches out to take it.
Me: “Dude!”
Friend: “What? Never turn down a lady trying to give you purse butter!”
He takes it from her. She then closes up her purse and walks toward the exit.
All my other friends were like ‘score, real butter!’ I politely declined when it was offered to me. I guess purse butter is a thing where they all come from because they all seemed over the moon.
