A Shearly Ridiculous Request

, , , , , | Friendly | December 2, 2020

I’m outside the front of my house pruning some of the plants. It’s a bit of a job, although it is a tiny bit of land; reaching the back is impossible.

I’m sweeping up the clippings when a man I’ve never seen before approaches me.

Man: “You can do mine next, if you like?”

I laugh as I think he’s joking, but his expression tells me otherwise.

Me: “Oh, you’re serious. No, sorry, mate. I don’t do this for a living.”

Man: “You have all the tools and I don’t. Come on! Be neighbourly.”

Me: “I don’t know you, ‘neighbour,’ and these tools are cheap enough. Go buy your own.”

Man: “Don’t be a d**k! Come on, or let me borrow them.”

He reaches for the shears in my hand. I pull them away from him.

Me: “Get lost.”

Man: “Whatever, I’ll just come back and take them.”

Thankfully, I have a video doorbell that he was standing right in front of. I passed the video on to the police and they said they would investigate. I never heard from or saw the man again.

The Hangover Hurts Less Than Dad’s Disappointment

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 1, 2020

One of the cardinal rules, when my siblings and I start to drive, is don’t drink and drive. Based on experience, this is later refined to: don’t get in a car with a drunk driver.

This happens on a school outing. We are studying catering and visit some venues. We are all of drinking age and some of us have our driving licenses, so we arrange transportation amongst ourselves resulting in five or six cars for the entire class.

At the end of the day, we go to a pub. Some classmates think it a funny joke to spike the designated drivers’ drinks, which becomes apparent when we want to go home. So, it is two or three o’clock in the morning, and we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, discussing what to do.

For me, the solution is obvious; we went in search of a phone — cell phones aren’t that common yet — and call home. My classmates are in awe.

Classmate: “You’re calling your dad?! Won’t he be mad?”

Me: “No, my dad won’t like it. He will be grumpy as h***, but given the choice between me calling him in the middle of the night or the police telling him I was in a drunk driving accident, the answer is simple.”

He did turn up, and he was as grumpy as rhinoceros in a bad mood and barely spoke, but he did offer to drive the students in the same car as me home. The first to be dropped off was the driver. We accompanied him so we could vouch for him, assuring his father that he’d only ordered sodas. He sighed, helped his son inside, and asked where his car was. My dad ended up driving him back to the venue where it became clear that the other drivers were drunk, as well, and both dads made sure everyone got home safe.

The jokesters were suspended. They did not understand why because it was “just an innocent joke.”

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This Store Isn’t Worth What I’m Not Paying To Shop Here!

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 1, 2020

During the lockdown, many of us in our area put out old toys, books, games, etc., in front of the house for free. It makes for a nice community spirit and it’s a good way to de-clutter.

I have just taken in the empty box after the second load of items was taken, and I hear a knock on the door. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had done so to thank us; once, a small child wanted to give us a gift in return.

I open the door to see a woman in her late thirties, on her phone with a hand on her hips and a face full of attitude.

My sense of community spirit is draining fast as I can feel where this is going.

Woman: “You had a book out front; where is it?”

Me: “I put lots of books outside. I imagine someone took it.”

Woman: “My son needs it.”

Me: “That’s a shame. Someone else took it.”

Woman: *Sighs dramatically* “You aren’t worth the time.”

She strutted off. I decided to leave it a day or two before gifting more items, as I couldn’t believe the entitlement of some people.

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Too Bad You Can’t Feed Her To The Shark

, , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2020

I visit my local cinema with three friends in 1975 when the film “Jaws” is first released in the UK. A few minutes after the four of us settle into our seats, a group of rowdy teenage girls arrive, one of whom keeps up an incessant, inane chatter in a loud voice from the moment she walks in.

She natters non-stop while other people are coming in and sitting down. She natters while the adverts were showing. She makes immature comments about the people and items being advertised.

Finally, the credits for the main feature start, but she is still prattling on in her loud voice. When the title of the film appears on screen, she says in a loud questioning, surprised type of voice:

Girl: “JAWS?”

Me: *Shouting* “Yes, like you’ve got!”

Everyone within earshot burst out laughing. After that, we never heard another peep from her.

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And They Weren’t Even Fishing For It

, , , , | Friendly | November 30, 2020

I just moved back to this state. I decide I want to take up fishing again. I go to the store so I can get a license and new gear at the same time. I end up spending about $90, which is about what I budgeted.

I’m walking out with this obviously brand-new fishing gear, and as I’m nearing the door, I see this friendly-looking stranger approaching.

Stranger: “Hi there! Have you just started fishing?”

We talk for a few minutes. He says goodbye and holds out his hand to shake, and as we shake, he slips a $100 bill in my hand.

Stranger: “Congrats on the new hobby!”

And he walks away, quickly blending into the crowd, and all I have time to do before I lose sight of him is to yell, “Thank you!”

This happened three years ago and I will never forget this random act of kindness. If you’re reading this, sir, again, thank you!

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