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A Bitter Pill To Swallow

| Working | November 23, 2013

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up my prescription.”

Pharmacist: “What’s the name?”

Me: “[Name], that’s [N-A-M-E].”

Pharmacist: “[N-A-M-E]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Pharmacist: “We don’t have a prescription under that name.”

Me: “Could you look again? It should have been sent over from [School] this morning.”

Pharmacist: *without checking* “We don’t have it.”

Me: “Could you check your computers to see if you got the order?”

Pharmacist: *checks computer* “Oh! Yeah, we got the order. [Medicine] has been backordered for weeks, so no one has it.”

Me: “I see. So, you just didn’t fill the order?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah. We couldn’t.”

Me: “And you didn’t call the number in my file or my doctor to let them know the medication wasn’t available?”

Pharmacist: “We can’t just call EVERY person who orders this! That would take forever!”

Me: “So it’s better that EVERY person who needed that medication should come all the way down here just to hear that their prescription can’t be filled?”

Pharmacist: “Yeah.”

Me: *furious*

All Quiet On The Modern Front

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My talk commands aren’t working on my computer.”

Me: “Your speech commands? Well, tell me what’s the problem.”

Caller: “I keep telling my computer to turn on, but it won’t.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the speech commands only work if the computer is already on.”

Caller: “Then what’s the point of them?”

Me: “They make things easier once the computer is on.”

Caller: “How do I get my computer on if it won’t listen?!”

Me: “Just turn it on like normal.”

Caller: “I don’t want to! That’s why I enabled the god-d**n speech commands!” *click*

This story is part of our Tech Support roundup!

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15

, | Right | August 29, 2014

(I am 17 and have finished my shift at a supermarket, and go straight to a consumer electronics shop. I am still wearing my work uniform, which is similar in colour to the shop that I am in. A customer comes up to me, obviously angry, carrying a bag with a laptop in it.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I bought this laptop last week and it has stopped working already. This is disgraceful for a £500 piece of—”

Me: “Sorry, mate, I don’t actually—”

Customer: “Don’t you interrupt me, and I am certainly not your mate. I paid £500 for this and it won’t even turn on now. I want you to fix it right now or—”

Me: “Woah, woah, woah! I don’t actually work—”

Customer: “Listen to me! Fix this now or give me my money back!”

Me: “But you need to speak to someone who actually works at—”

Customer: “Don’t fob me off with this s***. You work here. You sort it out. I’m not going to be passed from one member of staff to the other. This is typical of this company. Employing young, inexperienced idiots who don’t give two f***s!”

Me: “Okay, sir. What I suggest you need to do is get your laptop. Open it up, turn it on, and wait for Windows to load up. Once it has loaded up, we’ll put the recovery disc in. Then, I want you to take your laptop, and stick it up your a**, you ignorant c***.”

Customer: *inaudible explosion of expletives and demands to speak to the manager*

She Wants You Starkers

| Romantic | June 27, 2013

(I’ve been making an ‘Iron Man’ suit out of foam in secret, because I thought my girlfriend would call me crazy. When I finish it, I decide to wear it before she visits me, to show it to her.)

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God! Is this what you’ve been doing these past weeks?”

Me: “Um… well… yeah, I just —”

Girlfriend: “So help me, if you do not take it off right now, I will have sex with it instead of you.”

Not Quite The Threat Of A Lifetime

| Right | May 28, 2015

(I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

(The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

(I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

(The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

(She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”