Only Half Listening

| Working | February 17, 2014

(I stop at a popular sandwich shop for lunch and order a 12-inch steak and cheese sandwich. All goes well and the young man does a great job, but at the final stage…)

Sandwich Artist: “Will that be all, sir?”

Me: “Looks good. Could you cut it in half before you wrap it up, please?”

(This is normally done without asking.)

Sandwich Artist: “Sure thing. How many pieces do you want?”

(I’m a little by surprise by the question, so I think I misheard him.)

Me: “In half, please.”

Sandwich Artist: “Yes, but how many pieces?”

Me: *with a touch of obviousness in my voice* “I don’t know. How about two?”

Sandwich Artist: *rolls eyes* “You could have said that in the first place!”

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Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

| Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

Customer: “I really like this one.”

Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

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Brevity Is The Soul Of Hightailing It

| Right | July 20, 2012

(We have briefs in packets; they normally cost a pack of 3 for £5. On this day, a customer comes with 6 packs.)

Me: “That’s £30 please, Sir.”

Customer: “What? No, they are 3 packs for £5! That sign says so.” *points at the sign, which says ‘3 pairs for £5’*

Me: “Oh! No, Sir, I’m afraid that’s not the case. The sign is referring to the number of briefs in each pack. They are still £5 each.”

Customer: “No, that’s not right! You’re trying to screw me over, you little c***!”

Me: *shocked* “No, Sir, I’m not. If you wish, I can get my manager and he can explain it to you.”

Customer: “You better f***ing do that, b****! I’ll give him a piece of my d*** mind.”

(I ring the bell to call my manager. He has already heard the shouting, and comes quickly. He is a 6′ 5” man who looks more like he belongs in wrestling gear than in a suit.)

Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

Customer: “Yes! There bloody well…” *he goes pale as he takes in my manager, and immediately goes all meek* “er… this girl is trying to… to dupe me.”

Manager: “No, she isn’t. Now, I suggest you pay for your purchases, apologise to my colleague for what you called her, and then leave.”

Customer: *gives me his card and mumbles* “Sorry.”

(I’ve never seen someone leave the store so fast.)

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Doesn’t Have The Tea-Total

| Right | June 23, 2015

(I am in a train station and figure I’ll get a cup of tea from the on-site cafe as I have about an hour until my train.)

Me: “How much for a cup of tea?”

Employee: “£1.50.”

Me: *checks change in my pocket* “Never mind, I don’t have enough.”

Employee: “How much do you have?”

Me: “£1.33.”

Employee: “That’ll do. It’s too cold to go out without a cuppa!”

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A Crackers Request

| Right | August 19, 2015

(I’m a cashier at a local grocery store. A woman comes to my line holding an open pack of crackers, one from a larger pack of eight.)

Customer: “I got these crackers, and I got hungry so I started eating some, but then my grandson called and said these aren’t the kind he likes. Can I just pay for this one?”

Me: “We don’t sell the packs individually; you’ll have to pay for the whole thing.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any use for them!”

Me: “Well, since you opened it, neither do we.”

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