Stupidity Killed The Radio Star

, , , , , | Right | July 8, 2010

(I work at a radio station. This caller is live on the air.)

Me: “Hello! What would you like to hear?”

Teenage Girl:Fireflies!”

Me: “By Owl City?”

Teenage Girl: “Woah! I hear my voice!”

Me: “Yeah, you’re on the air.”

Teenage Girl: “Molly! If you can hear this, I’m so totally sorry about kissing your brother!”

Me: “Uh…”

Teenage Girl: “Are you going to play I Like Big Butts or not?”

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Reading Is Infectious

| Right | November 9, 2011

(A customer is returning a large pile of overdue books – about 90 for the entire family. She’s waiting while I process them in order to pay the fine.)

Me: “Well, they’re not very overdue. It’s just that there’s a lot of them.”

Customer: “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry they’re late.”

(I scan the last few books.)

Me: “Okay, over the three cards, there’s $50 in fines, but I’ll halve that to $25 as they’re not too late.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks so much. I just couldn’t get them in as we’ve all had scarlet fever.”

(I look at the pile of books, every one of which I have handled.)

Me: “Oh…”

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Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5

| Right | January 8, 2012

(Note: 40 degrees Celsius is about 104 degrees Fahrenheit.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I’ll need you to come and pick up your son right away. He’s not feeling very well.”

Mother: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “He’s running a 40 degree temperature.”

Mother: “Oh. No, he’s fine. That’s normal.”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry?”

Mother: “Don’t worry about him, love. That’s normal. He’s a werewolf, you know. Werewolves run hot. Didn’t you know that?”

(It takes me a few moments, but I realize she’s perfectly serious.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I still think you need to take him to the doctor.”

Mother: “Ugh, fine. I’ll come and get him, but the doctor will only say what I told you!”

 

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Plenty Of Room For Improvement

| Working | May 6, 2014

(About two weeks after from returning from a vacation, I get an irate phone call from the manager of a hotel that had given us one night free based on the problems we had. The manager was calling to tell me that I had lied to get the free night.)

Manager: “There was no reason for you to get a free night. There was nothing wrong with the room.”

Me: “Well, I had to have emergency surgery at a local hospital. I stayed in the hospital one night and joined my husband in your hotel the second night. When I got to the room, all I wanted was a shower and a clean bed. But the room hadn’t been cleaned and all the towels were gone.”

Manager: “That is NOT true. Your room was cleaned!”

Me: “Well, if the room was cleaned then why will your security cameras show us going downstairs to get towels from the front desk? Plus, we didn’t ask for the free night. The woman checking us out offered it to us based on our comments.”

Manager: “Well, then, your room wasn’t cleaned because you had the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign out. It is fraud that you took a free night complaining about the room not being cleaned when you had the sign out. That’s why no one cleaned your room.”

Me: “Well, I know we didn’t have the sign out because my son collects those signs and my husband already put it in a suitcase to give him.”

Manager: “The sign WAS out!”

Me: “Okay, then I wish to clarify my complaint. IF the sign was out, which it wasn’t, but IF the sign was out, then I am complaining because a maid saw the sign, came in, took our towels and left. No one should be in our room if the sign is out.”

(The manager is silent but I can hear her fuming. I guess she’s had a lot of ‘free’ nights given out due to bad service at her hotel.)

Me: “So, which is it? You didn’t clean my room or you violated the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign?”

(That pretty much ended the conversation right there.)

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted

| Right | November 24, 2007

Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

(Customer storms out)

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