A collection of reader favorites over the years!
Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”
Me: “It’s 9:00 pm. They’re ten hours behind.”
Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”
Me: “It’ll be 9:30 pm.”
Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So, that’s how it works?”
Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
(I am working on the drive-thru at a major fast-food restaurant.)
Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. Please place your order.”
Customer: “Can I have a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin?”
Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins.”
Customer: “No… I want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”
Me: “Umm… so, two bacon and egg muffins?
Customer: “No!”
Me: “You just said you want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”
Customer: “I want a bacon muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”
Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins, one without egg.”
Customer: “No! Just give me two bacon and egg muffins.”
Me: *gives up* “…Sure. That will just be $7.30 at the first window.”
(I work in a movie theater that is inside a mall. Sometimes, the mall closes their restrooms so they use our restrooms instead.)
Customer: “Can I use your bathroom?”
Me: “Sure, they are right over there.” *points to restrooms*
Customer: *walks past where I point*
Me: “Sir, you walked past the restrooms.”
Customer: “Well, I was going to use the ones in the back.”
(I realize he’s just trying to sneak into a movie.)
Me: “Well, the restrooms in the front are just as good as the ones in the back.”
(The customer groans and walks into the restroom, but leaves only after a few seconds.)
Customer: “F*** you, p***k!”
Me: “Have a good day, sir!”
(I run a small IT company from home and hand-deliver small orders such as hard drives and software on Fridays. On this particular Friday I am not all there as the day before I had to have one of my cats put down due to severe kidney problems. I make my first stop at a client’s house to deliver a parcel and decide to stop at a cafe and get some coffee afterwards. I head back to my car and put my coffee in the cup holder and drive to the next address. Unfortunately as I arrive I realize I’d given the previous client the wrong parcel and have to drive back to make the exchange. In order to do this I have to make a U-turn. Due to the fact that it is extremely busy on the roads and me not wanting to cause inconvenience. I turn quite quickly which in turn leads to my coffee being spilled all over my lap. After swapping the parcels I go to get a new coffee when the following occurs.)
Me: “Good morning, again. Could I please have a large coffee with two sugars and one cream, please?”
I
Cashier: “Of course. Is there anything else you’d like?”
Me: “No, that’s all.”
(The cashier starts making my drink, then stops and looks at me confused.)
Cashier: “Wait a minute, weren’t you in here a few minutes ago ordering the exact same thing?”
Me: “Yes, I was. I unfortunately spilt my previous coffee all over my car by accident.”
Cashier: “I see.”
(At this point the cashier has finished making my drink and hands it to me. I hold out the money when he suddenly calls over the manager and says something to him then turns to me.)
Cashier: *to me* “Please tell him what happened.”
(Confused, I tell the manager what happened and step back so he can see the wet stains on my pants from where the coffee landed.)
Manager: *to me* “Ma’am, I can’t charge you for this. You’re the fifth person today to come back after spilling coffee on themselves but the first to not shout at my cashier, screaming that it was his fault it happened and that we owe you free stuff . You accepted your mistake and came back to buy a new one. You come in here every Friday and are by far the kindest person we serve.”
(At this point tears are rolling down my cheeks as I try to keep it together.)
Manager: “I noticed today you were a bit different as you’re usually all smiles. I’ve decided to let you have your coffee free of charge and if you’d like you can have a pastry with it.”
(I wipe away tears and politely decline the pastry and take my coffee.)
Me: “Thank you so much. You’re right, I usually am all smiles but unfortunately yesterday I had to put down one of my cats as he was quite sick and old.”
Manager: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. I hope your days get better.”
Me: “Thank you. Goodbye. I hope you all have a lovely weekend.”
(To that cashier and manager, I know it seems silly but your small act of kindness made getting through the day easier.)
(A couple weeks before this incident, I had to bathe my cat because he got into something sticky and foul smelling. He scratched up my arms and part of my stomach trying to escape the sink and it left a lot of scars.)
Me: “Just this soda and these candies, please.”
(I put the items on the counter in the process showing my arms.)
Cashier: “Did you try to kill yourself?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Cashier: “That’s disgusting. Why are flaunting your scars like you want sympathy?”
Me: “…I got them from my cat.”
Cashier: “Yeah. Try harder next time. Do everyone a favor.”
Me: “You know, never mind the items. I’m not buying anything.”
(As I left the store about six other customers left looking completely disgusted. None of them had purchased anything either.)
