A Real Pain In The Rear

| Germany | Right | December 14, 2011

(An elderly gentleman approaches me at the counter.)

Me: “How may I help you, sir?”

Customer: “My butt hurts! I need medicine!”

Me: “All right, do you have a prescription? Or, can you tell me what exactly is wrong so that I can recommend you something that doesn’t need one?”

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong. But my butt hurts!”

Me: “Please go see a doctor then, sir. Without knowing what causes your pain, there’s little I can do.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to wait at the doctor’s together with all the sick people! I’ll catch a disease or something!”

Me: “That’s understandable. Maybe you could go early in the morning when fewer people are there?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to! I want you to tell me what’s wrong! Look at my butt!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t do that–”

(The man doesn’t listen. In front of me and three other customers, he drops his pants and underwear, turns around and sticks out his butt in my direction.)

Me: “Sir, please pull up your pants again! I can’t tell what’s wrong and you will have to leave if you don’t stop that!”

Customer: “Nonsense! If you can’t tell what’s wrong from over there, come closer and get a better look!”

(My boss then comes to look at what’s going on and ends up kicking the guy out.)

Customer: *on the way out the door* “Why will no one look at my butt?!”

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All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

| United Kingdom | Right | October 27, 2011

(I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

Customer: “How much it this?”

Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

Customer: “What about this?”

Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

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I’m Afraid You Can’t Spell, Dave

| | Right | February 20, 2009

(I was monitoring the customers at the self-checkout machines when a customer holding a cilantro angrily waved me over.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These machines are so useless! They don’t even have cilantro under the look-up list!”

Me: “Sir, it’s because you’re looking under ‘S’ instead of ‘C’ – cilantro is spelled with a ‘C’.”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a know-it-all, huh? We’ll see what you know when these machines take over YOUR job one day!”

Me: “…”

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Give Me Good Ol’ Inefficiency Any Day

| | Right | April 14, 2009

(I’m one of the fastest cashiers and often receive positive feedback from customers.)

Me: “… and your total is $***.**.”

Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. I added it up. It should be less than that! You need to change something!”

Me: “Alright, sir, but it will take me a minute to bring your transaction back up. Your receipt is already printed.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous! This is your fault–you rang me up too flippin’ fast! I’m sick of these stores and their flippin’ fast cashiers!” *takes receipt and storms away*

Next customer: “Did that guy seriously just yell at you for being fast?!”

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Kids Like Scratch And Sniff Anyway

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Right | July 15, 2011

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have that book in paperback. Would you like me to order the hardback?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m replacing a damaged book and the school library insisted that it be hardback.”

(While I begin to collect her information, the customer starts muttering sulkily.)

Customer: “We shouldn’t have to replace it. Our dog urinated on it. The pages are a little stained, but it dried. It’s not like it smells or anything. You can still read it. Those librarians are so picky!”

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