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Great stories from our entire backlog!

Dying For A Discount

| Right | May 4, 2015

(An elderly lady comes up to my register with a full cart and automatically starts complaining about how much stuff she has, like that is anyone else’s fault but her own.. She is one of those lovely customers who puts one item on the counter at a time for me to scan, and complains the whole long while. I know she’s going to have a problem with her total, so I just go ahead and apply the senior discount without her asking; policy is for the customer to ask. After she complains about the total and I let her know how much I saved her, she says:)

Customer: “Honey, could you do any better than that?”

Me: “No, that’s the best discount I can give you this week.”

Customer: “Are you sure? This is just an awfully high total.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the best I can do.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I just don’t like that total. And anyway, my doctor says I’m going to die soon, maybe tomorrow, and won’t be able to use all of this anyway, so is there anything else you can do?”

Me: “…We can put some of your items back?”

Still In The Digital Dark Ages

| Right | March 9, 2012

Me: “Thanks for calling [ISP]. I’m [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *confused* “Uh…tell me a little more about the problem. Can you reach any websites?”

Customer: “No! How can I get to a website with no light in my castle?!”

Me: *still confused* “Could you explain…a little further?”

Customer: *becoming irate* “I’ve poked its belly button a bunch of times, but there’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *epiphany* “Oh! The power light on your desktop tower is not lit?”

Customer: “Tower, castle, whatever! How am I supposed to know all this technical stuff?!”

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

, , , , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want a discount on my services.”

Me: “I’d be glad to see if you qualify for a promotion on a new service–”

Customer: “No, I mean on my current services.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any promotions like that; they’re only for new services.”

Customer: “Well, this is bull-s***! I shouldn’t have to pay for Spanish channels that I don’t watch and can’t understand. Let the Mexicans pay extra for those, not me!”

Me: “Ma’am, we cater to our demographic, and California as a whole has a very large Hispanic population including MYSELF and my family.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! I’m on a budget and don’t think I should be charged for these.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s just how are services are offered.”

Customer: “Well I’ll tell you this… you better watch out, because before you know it, a MEXICAN is gonna take your job!”

Me: “…all right, then, ma’am. Gracias por llamar a [Empresa] que tenga un buen dia.” *click*

Playing Games With Your Feelings

| Right | January 22, 2013

(I have only been working at the store for a few weeks. I also happen to be a slightly anxious person. Phone calls tend to stress me out, as I can’t really interpret tones of voice. A customer calls, and I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of store]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, are you releasing [popular upcoming game] early?”

Me: *confused* “Um, we’re having a midnight release of that game, yes.”

Caller: “No, no. I mean, you know how you guys get new games before the release date? Can you give it to me before the release date if I give you extra money?”

Me: “Uh, no, sir, I can’t do something like that. That would be illegal.”

Caller: “I don’t like your tone.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “There’s no reason for you to talk to me like a dumb f***.”

Me: “I’m, I’m really sorry if I’ve offended yo—”

Caller: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Me: “Um, yes, sir. Let me get my coworker.”

(I pass the phone to my coworker, who, though she is the senior employee, is younger than me, and generally very sweet and charming. I have never really seen her angry. She speaks to the customer for a few minutes, and then she puts the phone down.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Coworker: “What a jerk! He demanded to speak to the manager, and when I told him that the manager wasn’t in today, he said to tell you that you were a dumb c*** and a stupid b****!”

Me: “Oh. Am I going to be in trouble?”

Coworker: *smiles brightly* “Oh, honey, no! You did great! My only regret is that he hung up before I could tell him to f*** off!”

Losing His Hold On Reality

| Right | June 15, 2013

Me: “Hello, [company name] support; how may I help you?”

Customer: “You c****! I heard what you did; how dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You changed the f****** music!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand the—”

Customer: “The hold music!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t to your liking, but you are through now. I’d like to help you fix your problem if we can just—”

Customer: “I won’t stand for you insulting me like this! And you let everyone else hear it; that’s slander!

Me: “Hear what?”

Customer: “The insults about me you put in your hold music!”

(The customer had been on hold for so long, he had come to believe the hold music was actually insulting him, and that someone at the company had slipped in taunts and abuse directed at him personally.)