, , | Auckland, New Zealand | Right | October 14, 2010

(While stocking items on the shelf I notice a guy sitting by the changing rooms with the bored, “being forced to go shopping with the missus” look on his face.)

Me: “Girlfriend making you comment on everything in the store?”

Guy: “Me? No. I’m gay. My friend only just found out and figured we could go shopping together despite my protests.”

Me: “Sorry bout the mistake, you just had the usual ‘get me out of here’ look.”

(At this point the girl comes out of the changing room to show off her outfit.)

Girl: “What do you think?”

Guy: “I don’t know. It’s good, I guess.”

Girl: *in a huff* “You’re no good at this! What’s the point in being gay if you don’t like shopping for clothes?!”

(She storms back into the changing room.)

Guy: “Jeez, this is worse than having to come out to my parents.”

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Not Noteworthy Enough For A Return

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | April 2, 2014

(I work as a cashier in a drugstore. I see a customer come in the front door empty handed as he goes to the back of the store. He comes to me with a pricey protein pack.)

Customer: “I want my money back for that protein pack. It’s $60.”

Me: “Do you have your invoice?”

Customer: “No, I forgot it at home.”

Me: “I can’t pay you back.”

Customer: “Keep it for me. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(The customer comes back 15 minutes later.)

Customer: “I didn’t find the receipt, but I’m going to buy it instead.”

Me: “It’s going to cost $60.”

(The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “I can’t accept that. It’s a fake.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure it’s real. How can you tell?”

Me: “You only printed it on one side, and it’s black and white.”

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Backhanded Corpulence

| Essex, UK | Right | October 1, 2012

(I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

Me: “Sorry?!”

Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”

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May Have Been A Sister, But Nobody Missed Her

| TN, USA | Learning | April 24, 2013

(I am a member of a sorority, but I don’t look like the typical “sorority sister,” so I get a lot of double-takes. Normally, the double-take is all that happens. On this day, I’m shopping while wearing one of my letter shirts. I see another girl wearing her letters and it’s the same sorority as mine. I approach her.)

Me: “Hey! You’re in [sorority]! Always nice to meet a fellow sister!”

Sorority Girl: *looks me up and down* “You’re in [sorority]?! How on earth did YOU get in?”

Me: “Well, I went through recruitment, filled out my bid card, and was welcomed with open arms on Bid Day — same as most all other sorority women.”

Sorority Girl: “Wow. They will take anyone now! Why would you even want to join a sorority? You think you’ll suddenly be thin and pretty and all the guys will want you? It doesn’t work that way.”

Me: “Wow. I don’t think [founder of sorority] had this kind of behavior in mind when she started [sorority]. By the way, do you go to [university]?”

Sorority Girl: “Yeah. I’m going to be a sophomore!”

Me: “Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is [name], I’ve been in [sorority] for six years so far—four in college, two as an alumna—and I am one of the new advisors for your chapter.”

Sorority Girl: *turns white and scampers off*

(Thankfully, By the end of the year, she had been kicked out for drinking and attempted hazing of several new members.)

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The Look On His Face Was Pure Goldfish

| WA, USA | Right | April 17, 2016

(I am dealing with a customer who’s raising hell over late fees on his account that we refuse to waive. Notably, he pulled this same stunt on me the previous week, though bizarrely he doesn’t seem to recognize me until we until we get to this part of the exchange:)

Customer: “Do you know how much I spend in here? What if I said that, thanks to you, I’m never coming back and you can kiss my business goodbye?!”

Me: “I’d remind you that you said the same thing not more than seven days ago, yet here you are again.”

Customer: “What?! How do you know that?”

Me: “If you check your receipt you’ll find I’m the one who served you then. Also, you’re wearing the same outfit as the last time you were in here. It kind of makes you stand out, actually.”

(The customer looks down at the receipt in his hand, then to his flashy ensemble of expensive clothes. He looks back at me in shock.)

Customer: “Wait… you guys actually remember stuff like that?”

Me: “I’m actually surprised you don’t remember me considering it was only a week ago.”

Customer: “Uh… well, I do, but… s***, I thought you guys were like goldfish! Two hours and you forget everything… or something…”

(He eventually agreed to pay his late fees, still mumbling about how he couldn’t believe we still recalled who he was.)

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