Sugar Daddies For Desert

, | ON, Canada | Working | August 18, 2013

(My mom has taken my son and I out for a quick lunch. We get to our seat, and we notice that they forgot to include his toy in his meal. I go up to the counter to get one.)

Me: “Sorry, but there was no toy in my son’s meal.”

Cashier: “Sorry about that.” *yelling* “I’d like a boy toy, please!”

Employee In Drive Thru: “You and me both!”

Cashier: *goes red* “Here’s your, uh… boy toy, ma’am.”

Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

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Tip Top

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | November 3, 2010

(I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

(I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

Me: "Did you need anything else?"

Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

(She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

Me: "No, I really–"

Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

(She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

(There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

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Haphazardly Placed Vowels Does Not A Language Make

, , | | Right | August 12, 2008

(I’m a customer and see an employee is waiting on another customer. The employee speaks perfect English and actually looks Hawaiian.)

Customer: “EL POLO ICE-CREAMO!”

Employee: Umm… yeah?”

Customer: “I want some choco-lato ice-creamo. GRASSIOS!”

Employee: “I speak English fine. What size do you want?”

Customer: “Oh, you are doing so good. Good job, boy. Umm… I want a GRAND-AY!”

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So Much For Buying American

| | Right | March 4, 2009

Server: “That will come with potatoes,cottage cheese or fruit.”

Customer: “What kind of fruit do you have?”

Server: “We have grapes, oranges, bananas, pears or pineapple.”

Customer: “Is your pineapple local?”

Server: “Yes, sir. It is from the pineapple farm in Dallas.”

Customer: *makes a sour face* “I’ll have the oranges…”

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This Will Become Herb And Legend

| NY, USA | Right | November 11, 2014

(I am working as a bartender in a posh Upper East Side Italian restaurant that often has long waits for tables. Customers are encouraged to order drinks and appetizers from the bar. We have just begun offering Neapolitan style pizzas as an appetizer. An older, affluent couple sits down in the bar area and proceeds to order drinks and ask about our different pizza offerings.)

Customer: “Could you tell us a little more about your white pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir. It is a thin Neapolitan style pizza topped with olive oil and an herb and cheese blend.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but do we look like saggy pants wearing, hip hop rap loving, people? This is an affluent, sophisticated neighborhood. Why would you even consider serving us urban cheese. Do we look like we are on welfare?”

Customer’s Wife: *loudly* “I mean, my god, what would make you think your customers would ever pay $14 for something with urban cheese on it. I am disgusted at the thought.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry to have caused you so much concern. I believe I may have spoken too fast and caused a misunderstanding. The pizza bianca con erbe e formaggio is a pizza without tomato sauce, instead it is made with olive oil and an HERRRB and cheese blend.”

(They asked for a moment to think about it, and as I returned to the bar I noticed they very quietly got up and left the restaurant.)

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