Should Have Pleaded The Fifth

| Maine, USA | Right | August 30, 2010

(We use a simple chalk-marking system to monitor how long cars have been parked downtown.)

Man: *seeing me make a small chalk mark on a car tire* “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I can.”

Man: “That’s illegal!”

Me: *marking the next car* “How is it illegal?”

Man: “It’s against the Fourth Amendment!”

Me: “You mean the Fourth Amendment, which protects you from unlawful searches and seizures?”

Man: “Don’t get medical with me!”

1 Thumbs
3,551
VOTES

Honey, You Don’t Know The Half Of It

| | Right | April 27, 2008

(I was helping out a fellow co-worker by serving about three people at of her tables some decaf. At this point, the pitcher was half full.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get for you?”

(The customer takes a sip of the decaf, makes a face, and SPITS IT OUT all over the table.)

Old Man: “Excuse me!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Old Man: “You’re almost out of coffee. Do you know what this means?”

Me: “…that I have to make another pot?”

Old Man: “I taste coffee bean residue in here. I require that you give me another pitcher.”

Me: “No problem, sir…”

(I go and fetch the other decaf pitcher, which is also half full.)

Me: “Will this one do, sir?”

Old Man: “What is with you people trying to give me the bottom of the pitcher? I’M NOT A BOTTOM MAN!”

(I immediately ran back to the kitchen and laughed for about 10 minutes.)

1 Thumbs
1,639
VOTES

What’s Another Word For Wrong Major

| UK | Right | October 13, 2012

(A girl and her mother are shopping for cookware for her to take to college.)

Girl: “Do you have any…” *snaps her hand open and closed like a puppet*

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl: “You know…” *does puppet hands again* “…for cooking.” *to her mom* “Mum, I need some…” *hand motion*

Girl’s Mother: “Tongs?”

Girl: “Yes!”

(I show them where to find them while the mother teases the girl. I try to change the subject as the girl is obviously embarrassed.)

Me: “So, you need this stuff for college?”

Girl: “Yeah.”

Me: “What are you studying?”

(The girl turns bright red and both her and her mother start laughing.)

Girl’s Mother: “She’s going to be studying English!”

1 Thumbs
1,518
VOTES

Elemental State Of Confusion

| | Right | June 9, 2009

(I had just brought a table their glasses of water before coming back to take their orders.)

Customer: “There’s something in my water! I demand a new one right away!”

(She holds up an ice cube in her hand to show me.)

Me: “Oh OK, I’ll bring you one without ice.”

Customer: “Without what?”

Me: “Ice.”

Customer: “Ice? Huh?”

Me: “Um…ice cubes.”

(She looks at me blankly.)

Me: “The little cubes of frozen water…”

Customer: “FROZEN WATER! That’s crazy…why is it in my glass?”

Me: “To keep your water cold.”

Customer: “Well, if I wanted that I would’ve ordered an iced water! Haven’t you ever been to Starbucks? That’s the way a REAL restaurant does it.”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
3,965
VOTES

For Everything Else, There’s TasterCard

, | | Right | May 25, 2009

Me: “That’s ¬£26.50, please.”

Customer: “Can I pay by card?”

Me: “Sure. Please enter your card into the machine, and then put in your pin code.”

Customer: “Right, are these machines waterproof?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I wouldn’t get an electric shock from one, would I?”

Me: “Err, no?”

(Suddenly, the customer bends his head down and uses his mouth to cover up the keys. He then uses his tongue to try and push down the numbers of his pin code.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stop! That’s incredibly unhygenic.”

Customer: “But it’s the only way to keep it safe!”

Me: “Have you considered covering the keys with your hand instead of your mouth?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not as safe!”

Me: “I’m afraid we’re just going to have to risk that. We can’t have you licking our machines.”

Customer: “Bah!”

1 Thumbs
4,929
VOTES
Page 1/2,82112345...Last
Next »