Don’t Bow Down To Your Desires

| Right | July 5, 2011

(A coworker of mine brings in a pin to put on my shirt that says, “Talk dirty to me”. The boss is okay with it, and we have a lot of cool regulars that come in.)

Me: “I love your bow-tie! You never see anyone wear them nowadays!”

Customer: *noticing my pin* “You wanna touch it?”

Me: *nervous laughter*

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What’s A Synonym For Thesaurus

, | Right | November 3, 2008

Me: “Hi, ma’am, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a synonym finder.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “A synonym finder… You know?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a thesaurus?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

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Womb Mates Looking To Be Room Mates

| Right | September 25, 2013

(I am a nighttime desk clerk at a hotel. Two teenage boys enter.)

Older Boy: “Yeah, we’d like a room for the night.”

Me: *suspicious* “Okay, I’ll need to see some ID.”

(The older boy hands over his ID.)

Me: “This says you’re only 17. I can’t give you a room unless you’re 18, especially if you’re checking in with someone else. Besides, I can’t even tell if this is you. The picture’s all smudged out.”

Older Boy: “Oh wait, that’s not my ID. It’s my twin brother’s ID.”

Me: “Your twin brother…”

Older Boy: “Yeah! I mean, can’t you see the family resemblance?”

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Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

| Right | February 23, 2011

(I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

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The Dog Isn’t The One That Needs To get Neutered, Part 2

| Right | May 23, 2011

(We run a camp for dogs to play. We often let the owners know of bad dog behavior.)

Customer: “How did our dog do today?”

Me: “Well, sir, he did a lot of humping today.”

Customer: “Just like his dad.”

Customer’s wife: “Oh my God.”

 

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