Must Have A Latte On Your Mind

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I’m in high school, working at a small independent cafe down near the lakefront. It’s my first time working in a cafe, but despite a few hiccups, my manager says I’m doing great. Then, this happens.

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, yeah, I want a cafe olè.”

Me: “I’m sorry? A what?”

Customer: “A cafe olè!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what a cafe olè is. Could you describe it?”

Customer: *Loud sigh* “A cafe olè! You know! With milk?!”

Me: “A latte?”

Customer: “NO! IT’S A CAFE OLÈ!”

Finally, my coworker came over, and without saying anything, pushed the appropriate buttons in the till and finished the transaction for me. The customer took his drink from my coworker and left in a huff. I glanced at the merchant copy of the receipt, and it said, “Cafe au Lait,” also known as a Latte! I’m French Canadian, but he was butchering the French language so bad I legitimately thought he was asking for a SPANISH coffee!

Are They An Indie Band?

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2021

This story was relayed to me by my father, who runs his own rather well-reputed record store.

From both inside and out, it’s extremely obvious what kind of shop it is that he works in; the name of the store itself is a dead giveaway. There’s a vinyl record in the logo, the windows are covered with information regarding local gigs and what’s sold inside, and the shop itself is full of records, CDs, and posters of musicians plastered all over the walls and ceiling.

In short, even to the untrained eye, it’s clear what the shop sells. That said, my dad has had his fair share of stupid customers. This customer has read the sign outside the shop and walks in past all the rows of records and CDs.

Customer: “Do you sell bedsheets?”

Dad: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Bedsheets. Duvet covers. Do you have them here?”

Apparently, she seemed very surprised that he didn’t have duvet covers in stock. She didn’t come across as confused or not all there, so my father wondered briefly whether she was trying to prank him. He was too stunned to give her much of a coherent answer, but he somehow managed to convey that his little record shop did not in fact sell bedding.

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When You Literally Have To Size Up The Customers

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2021

I am working at customer service when I have this interaction.

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Customer: *Turns around* “Look at the tag inside my shirt and tell me what size it is so I know what size to buy.”

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The Screen Is Broken And So Are His Expectations

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2021

The cost of smartphone repair varies wildly, so a lot of people tend to grossly overestimate or underestimate the cost of repairs.

A customer enters the store with a smartphone with a broken screen. After a quick check, I give an estimate of €89 for the repair.

Customer: “But the Chinese guy on [Street] only asks for €20!”

Me: *With a smile and my sweetest voice* “Then why don’t you go there?”

Customer: “I don’t trust him. Last time I went for a battery repair, and after the repair, the battery still worked badly.”

Me: “I offer a twelve-month guarantee on my repair. I’m guessing after going there he didn’t change the battery?”

Customer: “Exactly! But still, it’s too much! Can’t you give me a discount?”

Me: “I can change the battery for the cost of the piece since I’m opening the phone anyway.”

Customer: *After thinking a bit* “I’m giving you €25.”

He begins taking the money out.

Customer: “And that’s my final decision.”

Me: *Chuckling.* “Yeah, no. That’s less than the cost of the pieces. It’s €89 for the screen, €110 if you want to change the battery, too.”

Customer: “No, no. That’s too much. I’m going to the Chinese guy, and if I’m not satisfied, I’m coming back here.” *Storms out*

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The Pain In Spain Is Caused By The Diners

, , , | Right | January 13, 2021

We’re eating dinner as a family at a grill located on the beach while on vacation in Ibiza. We had to make our reservation on the first day of our vacation because it’s such a lovely and in-demand restaurant.

We have two children under the age of four, so we ask for a reservation at 6:00 pm, their first dinner service. We arrive early so we can pick a seat near the front of the terrace. Everything is going well, the food is excellent, and the children are well-behaved.

At 7:30-ish, a “lovely” middle-aged couple appears.

Female Customer: “We want a seat on the terrace!”

Hostess: “We don’t have any seating on the terrace at this time, but our next seating is in an hour. We will be more than happy to seat you then.”

Female Customer: “But we had a reservation! We should be able to sit wherever we want!”

Hostess: “Your reservation was at 6:30 pm. Unfortunately, because you arrived very late, all of the tables on the terrace are occupied at this time.”

Female Customer: “Why can’t I sit there?!”

She points to an empty table on the other side of the terrace.

Hostess: “Ma’am, that table does not belong to this restaurant. It belongs to the cafe next door. We can’t serve you if you’re sitting there.”

Female Customer: “I can’t believe this! I had a reservation. How dare you give away our table?!”

Hostess: “We operate on a first-come-first-served basis, even for reservations—”

Female Customer: *Interrupting* “I want the manager! You’re useless!”

The husband speaks up, but instead of being embarrassed by his wife’s shouting and hysterics, he seems to be egging her on.

Male Customer: “Exactly, dear. Such poor service.”

The hostess leaves, and the woman pulls out the stool from behind the hostess stand and sits down! She is in the way so the poor hostess cannot do her job. The hostess greets two more tables, who are more than happy to sit inside, but the couple interrupts her to heckle her. A few minutes later, the manager arrives.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Female Customer: “We had a reservation—”

Manager: “My hostess tells me that you were an hour late to arrive.”

Female Customer: “You should have saved our table!”

Manager: “You didn’t arrive. We can seat you at 8:30 pm if you still wish to eat. Our bar is open, so you’re more than welcome to sit there until your table is ready—”

Female Customer: “I want free drinks!”

Manager: “I’m not going to give you free drinks because you arrived late. I am willing to seat you but—”

Female Customer: “We’ve been sitting here for half an hour!”

Manager: “There is half an hour until the next seating. Please come back later. You are bothering other diners.”

Female Customer: “I don’t appreciate your tone. You’re very aggressive!”

At this point, the woman has interrupted everything the manager has tried to say and talked over her. The fact that the manager is still willing to seat her at all is a marvel to me!

Manager: “I’m not dealing with this anymore. You’ve harassed all of my servers and belittled my hostess. If you still want to eat here, fine. But you need to apologize to everyone that you’ve insulted. It’s their choice if they want to serve you.”

Female Customer: “You’ll seat me and my husband, now!”

Manager: “That’s it. Get out.”

Female Customer: “That table is free! That family just left! We’re going to sit there.”

The woman pulled her husband, who was still encouraging her behaviour, over to the dirty table and sat down. She waited for the servers to clear the table and tried to order a drink. No one would make eye contact with her. After several minutes, the police arrived and she was escorted out.

I made sure to leave a large tip. I think the staff handled the situation well, though I would have kicked her out a lot sooner!

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