Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Does He Want A Rental Or A Roomba?

, , , | Right | June 19, 2025

I work at an ice-skating rink. A teenage boy, maybe fifteen or so, clomps over awkwardly in skates.

Teen: “These skates are broken or something. I can’t stop. I keep crashing into the walls.”

Me: “Did you try using the toe pick?”

Teen: “I’m not using that! I saw a video saying that’s for figure skaters. I’m not doing those gay twirls, bro.”

Me: “Well, toe picks are also how you stop if you haven’t learned the T-stop or hockey stop yet.”

Teen: “Yeah, well, maybe give me the ones that do the stopping automatically.”

Me: “Sure, we keep those right next to the skates that win gold medals on their own.”

H2-Oh-No No No No No!, Part 5

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2025

I work at an airport newsstand and a convenience store. What’s important is that we’re located BEFORE the security gates.

A man runs in with an open bottle of water.

Customer: “Excuse me! I need to return this!”

Me: “…Sir, you’ve already opened and started drinking it.”

Customer: “I don’t want it anymore. I just found out I can’t bring it through security!”

Me: “Right. That’s why the signs are posted on every wall, bin, and window between here and TSA.”

Customer: “Well, you should’ve told me!”

Me: “Every passenger knows you can’t bring liquids through TSA.”

Customer: “But I bought this at the airport! It should be safe!”

Me: “They have stores past the TSA checkpoint. You can buy another bottle of water there.”

Customer: “So they’ll give it to me for free?”

Me: “Uh… no, you need to pay for it.”

Customer: “But I’ve already paid for it!”

Me: “You’ve paid for this one.”

Customer: “Can’t you like… transfer it to the other side for me?”

Me: “The only way this water makes it past TSA is if you are the container.”

Customer: “Fine!”

He then drops all his bags dramatically, takes the large water bottle, and drinks it all in one go. He struggles a little near the end, but he continues out of sheer spite.

Customer: *Gasping for breath, water dripping down his chin.* “There! Happy? If I p*** myself on the plane, it’s your fault!”

He then drops the now-empty water bottle on my floor, grabs his bags, and sloshes away.

Related:
H2-Oh-No No No No No!, Part 4

H2-Oh-No No No No No!, Part 3
H2-Oh-No No No No No!, Part 2
H2-Oh-No No No No No!

In A State Of Confusion, Part 13

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2025

I work in a small-town post office, and when I say small, I mean tiny. I’m working the counter during the afternoon lull when an older gentleman walks in holding a large, battered shoebox sealed with an alarming amount of duct tape.

Customer: “Need to send this to my grandson in Texas.”

He places it down. I look at the address, which is written in pencil and partially smudged.

Me: “Do you have a clearer copy of the address?”

Customer: “[Grandson’s Name], Dallas.”

Me: “…Dallas is a little bigger than that.”

Customer: “He’ll find it.”

Me: “I’ll need a street address and zip code.”

Customer: “He’s got a phone. They’ll call him when it gets there.”

Me: “Who will?”

Customer: “You know. The post people. Y’all track it, right?”

Me: “Dallas is a big place, it’s not like here. If a package comes for you, well, I know you, I can call you. Dallas is a city of over a million people, it doesn’t work that way there.”

Customer: “There ain’t more than a million people! That’s some bull-s***!”

Me: “Perhaps you could call your grandson for his address?”

Customer: “Just send it and call him when it gets there.”

Me: “Even if we could do that, you haven’t put a phone number on the package, either.”

Customer: “Won’t they know him when they see the name?”

Me: “Sir? Have you ever been to Dallas?”

Customer: “Woman, I ain’t ever been outside of Arkansas!”

Me: “Have you ever been to Little Rock?” *The largest city in Arkansas, population about 200,000.*

Customer: “Yeah, but I didn’t like it. Too many people.”

Me: “Dallas is several times bigger than Little Rock.”

Customer: “The h*** are you talkin’ about! No place gets that big!”

Me: “Dallas has. Anyway, I still think you should call your grandson and ask for a full address.”

Customer: “I ain’t got no phone.”

Me: “Would you like to use ours?”

Customer: “I’ll send him a letter and ask him for his address.”

Me: “Letter? As in… writing him a letter?”

Customer: “Yeah! What else would I mean?”

Me: “And do you know the address you use for those letters?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s 123 Name Street, Dallas, 75226.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Nothing, sir. I think we have everything we need to send the package.”

Customer: “Finally! Y’all a little slow today, ain’t ya?”

Related:
In A State Of Confusion, Part 12
In A State Of Confusion, Part 11
In A State Of Confusion, Part 10
In A State Of Confusion, Part 9
In A State Of Confusion, Part 8

He… Is Not Serious?

, , | Right | June 17, 2025

Reading this story reminded me of this customer. I’m straightening helium balloon weights when a customer in her 30s walks up with a concerned look.

Customer: “How long do helium balloons float?”

Me: “Standard latex ones? About eight to twelve hours, depending on the room temperature.”

Customer: “Oh. So, if I pick them up today, they’ll be sad and droopy by tomorrow?”

Me: “Unless they’re foil. Foil balloons last for days.”

Customer: “No, I want latex. Foil looks tacky. But they need to look perfect for my daughter’s birthday tomorrow night.”

Me: “Then you’ll want to get them filled tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I’ll be too busy tomorrow! I need them ready tonight.”

Me: “Then they won’t look fresh by the time the party starts.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just, like… fill them with extra helium?”

They Want Basil In Mint Condition

, , | Right | June 17, 2025

I work in a garden shop (but indoors). I’m ringing up a woman with several potted herbs.

Customer: “These say ‘full sun.’ What does that mean? Like… all day?”

Me: “Pretty much. They like at least six hours of direct sunlight.”

Customer: “My balcony only gets sun in the morning, and I’m not moving them around all day.”

Me: “Well, they’ll still grow, just not as full or fast.”

Customer: “Is there a variety of basil that prefers shade?”

Me: “Not really. Maybe you could grow mint? That doesn’t need too much direct sunlight, and, in fact, it’s usually best to keep it out of the midday sun.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like mint. Do you have basil that thinks it’s mint?”

Me: “…”