Customer Service Only Applies When You’re OUR Customer

, , , | Right | April 13, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have an Xbox One and I want to get Red Dead Redemption for it. A friend has one for Xbox 360, and I played it on my Xbox One and it played, but I wanted to get the Xbox One version.”

Me: “The original Red Dead Redemption did come out on the 360, and it can play on the Xbox One, but the original didn’t come out on Xbox One; the sequel game did.”

Customer: “Well, I saw it at [Competitor]. Could you tell me if it would work on my console? And what the price is?”

Me: “I wouldn’t know what [Competitor] has in stock or what their prices are. I work here, so I can only tell you what our prices are and what we have in stock.”

Customer: “Could you call them and then call me back with the answer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s not something I can do; I’ve got work to do here. But I’m sure you can!” 

Customer: *Hangs up*


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Only Cod Knows

, , , | Right | April 13, 2021

I work at a fishmonger’s. I always try to be helpful whenever customers have queries. A customer asks for a portion of cod.

Customer: “Where is this cod from?”

I am thinking she is asking whether it’s farmed or wild.

Me: “It’s wild cod.”

Customer: “No, where is it from?”

Me: “Oh, sorry! All our cod comes from the North-East Atlantic, the waters just west of Ireland.”

Customer: “No, specifically where is it from?”

Me: *Thinking she didn’t hear me* “The North-East Atlantic.”

Customer: “Whereabouts in the Atlantic?”

I look confused because I don’t understand what she’s asking. My coworker, who is regularly quite sassy but always gets away with it, sees my confusion and jumps into the conversation:

Coworker: “Do you want the GPS coordinates from the boat, or what?”

The customer mumbled something about where the fish was from, frowned, and walked off.

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Refunder Blunder, Part 53

, , , , , | Right | April 12, 2021

I own a small studio boutique where I sell clothes. Everything is designed by me and handmade by me or my assistant. Our materials are all carefully sourced and with various quality certificates. I’ve operated my studio as a physical shop for years and started selling online about a year before this incident. We live in a country where English is not the official language.

One day, a woman in her mid-thirties walks in and she’s on the offence right from the start.

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I bought a dress online and the quality is absolutely horrible. How can anybody call these rags clothes?! I want a refund right now!

I’m in shock as I pride myself on the quality of my label. I try to remain calm on the outside while slowly panicking inside.

Me: “Oh, I am very sorry to hear that. We try to offer the best quality we can. May I see the dress? What is it that bothers you exactly? Maybe we can fix it. Did a seam break or something?”

The woman now is digging through her tote bag and continues her rant.

Customer: “The fabric is absolute garbage! I wouldn’t even mop the floors with it. And the seams look like they would break apart in the first wash! I don’t want you to fix anything! I want my money back! I ordered the dress for a special occasion and I’d rather stay home than go there in this piece of s***! Here! Look at this! Would you go anywhere in this and not feel ashamed of your looks?”

With every sentence, my heart drops more, and I’m horrified to hear her trash our work like that. Usually, we get really good feedback for our products. Once she finds what she’s looking for in her bag, she pulls out a piece of clothing in a print I don’t recognize and tosses it practically into my face. I inspect it closer, thinking maybe it’s an older model which she bought from some sort of online aftermarket, and I find the brand label which is not ours.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t refund—”

Customer: “What do you mean, you can’t refund me?! I paid good money for it, I’m unhappy with the product I received, and I want my money back! If you don’t refund me, I’ll report you to the Customers Protection Agency!”

Me: “This isn’t our product. See this label? This is not our logo; our label looks completely different. I can’t refund you for something that we don’t sell.”

Customer: “I don’t care whose logo that is! I bought it online! I have a right to get a refund for online orders!”

Me: “You bought it from our online store?”

Customer: “No, I got it off [Knock-Off Website]. Your store is too expensive. I can get things four times cheaper from there than from your place.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You ordered it from somewhere else where they sell cheap clothes and you want us to buy it off from you because the quality is subpar?”

Customer: “Yes! Why is that so hard to understand?! You all sell stuff online; you are closer to me for returning things!”

Me: “It doesn’t work like that. You can file a complaint to the original seller.”

Customer: “I can’t! I don’t speak enough English to explain the problem. Besides, you probably order your products from the same place!”

Me: “No, all our products are handmade in the next room by me or my assistant. I suggest you get a friend or family member to help you with the refund. I cannot refund this for you.”

The woman shoots daggers at me for a few seconds before she starts to storm out.

Customer: “Fine! I’m never shopping here again!”

Refunder Blunder, Part 52
Refunder Blunder, Part 51
Refunder Blunder, Part 50
Refunder Blunder, Part 49
Refunder Blunder, Part 48

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 16

, , , , , , | Right | April 12, 2021

I’ve been working in this office for about seven months and have a pretty good handle on a lot of things. Because I’m the newest person in the office, I’m used to our insureds asking me to check with a more senior coworker after I give them an answer on something.

One of our insureds calls to tell us she was in an accident. 

Me: “Oh, no! Are you okay?

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I’m just waiting for the police to get here. So… um… what should I tell them?

Me: “The police? You should tell them what happened.

Customer: “But if I do that, they’re going to say it was my fault! See, look, here’s what happened. I was at a red light and I looked— I looked three times and no one was there, so I went. And this guy appears out of nowhere and T-bones me. So, what do you think I should say?

Me: “I think you need to tell the police what happened.

Customer: “But they’ll say I’m at fault!”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot advise you to lie to the police.

Customer: “Can you double-check?!

Me: “I… Okay…

I put her on hold and turned to my coworker.

Me: “Hey, can we advise someone to lie to the police about an accident?

Coworker:What?! No! What are you—

Me: “Yeah, I know, but she wanted me to check, so…”

I pick the call back up.

Me: “Ma’am? I checked, and yeah, we can’t advise you to lie to the police.

She wasn’t happy about that, but on the plus side, she was never rude or mean about it!

Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 15
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 14
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 13
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 12
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 11

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Multiple Flights Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2021

With most major airlines, once you purchase a ticket, the time and date of your flight are set, and if you’d like to change that, you have to pay a change fee. That’s standard practice at my airline, but we do have a same-day flight change option that is about half the regular change fee. If your flight has been delayed or canceled, it can be changed for free, but all voluntary changes must be charged.

A man comes up to the ticket counter demanding I change him to an earlier flight. This happens all the time, so I go into the system, find his flights, and find out he’s eligible for the same-day change.

Me: “Good news, sir: I can change you to the earlier flights. That will get you to your destination about two hours earlier. It’ll be $75.”

Customer: *Explodes* “$75?! Are you kidding me? You have the seats available; you should change my flights for free!”

This response is also super frequent, so it’s not particularly distressing.

Me: “Our normal change fee is $200 plus any price fare difference, but this is a special rate you get if you are changing your ticket on the same day. I’m sorry if it’s too much. I totally understand, but I cannot make voluntary changes without the charge.”

Customer: “Look, I am going for a very special event and I got off work early. I’m not going to pay to change my ticket, but you are going to change it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I understand your frustrations, but I cannot change your ticket without the payment.”

Customer: “But it’s supposed to storm today. If I wait, my flight might get delayed. I have to be there in time.”

I totally understand, but I still can’t change the flight if it’s not yet delayed.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. If you don’t want to pay the change fee, I can’t change it.”

The man went off about how I was taking it upon myself to make an arbitrary decision to not please the customer, etc. It was really nothing I hadn’t heard on a regular basis. After a few minutes, and myriad more apologies, he left the counter to go sit on a nearby couch instead of going through security.

Uh-oh. That always means there’s an act two.

Sure enough, he watched the flight he wanted to be switched to go without him, and he was simmering.

Then, the worst happened. His flight was delayed. 

It was only for ten minutes, but that didn’t matter. He was back in line at my ticket counter, yelling about how he was going to miss his connection, and I had done it personally. To. Him.

It got to the point where I had to call a supervisor who, thankfully, backed me up, and informed the man that his connection was safe and if he continued yelling, he’d be escorted out by security. 

He lowered his voice but continued to make a scene until they started announcing that the boarding of his flight was nearing completion. Then, he bolted off to try to get through TSA and make it on his flight.

He ended up missing it and had to be rebooked on standby for the flight after.

Sad, but he was still not my worst passenger.

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