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Not Commercially Viable

, , , | Right | March 28, 2023

In the early 2000s, I am getting ready to close up at my big box electronics store when a gentleman comes in looking for a CD. I do a bit of searching and find out the release date for the CD is actually the next day.

Me: “Sir, the CD is not released yet, but if you come back tomorrow, we will have it in stock and you can pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial for it on TV.”

Me: “Yes, sir, they will still promote the CD before it comes out; however, we cannot sell the CD until tomorrow.”

Customer: “Then why is it on TV?”

Me: “To raise awareness for the CD, sir.”

Customer: “You need to have someone remove that commercial.”

He then just stands there, waiting. I ask him if there is anything else I can do for him.

Customer: “I’m still waiting for you to make the call to get the commercial taken off the air.”

Pour Femme, Pour Homme, Pour Cervidae

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2023

I work in the hunting department of a sporting goods store. A woman comes up to me.

Customer: “Where can I find the perfume?”

Me: “We’re a sporting goods store; we don’t sell perfume.”

Customer: “No, you do! A friend of mine got some here a few weeks ago! It had a picture of a deer on it!”

I finally realize what her friend bought.

Me: “That’s not perfume.”

Customer: “What is it?”

Me: “Deer urine.”

Customer: “Is that French?”

I tried to explain this to the woman, but she refused to listen to me and bought three packs.

Groppenfasnacht Is Going Hard This Year

, , , , , | Healthy | March 28, 2023

My boyfriend is recovering after emergency surgery. As he had a spinal block, he needs more time to recover from the anesthetic. He has just regained full function a couple of hours after the operation is finished when a (male) nurse comes into the room. It’s about 11:00 at this time. Normally, someone would only need thirty minutes or so if they used a general anesthetic, which my boyfriend opted out of.

Nurse: “You guys need to leave.”

I’m here as support and to take down all instructions as my boyfriend is understandably a bit out of it.

Me: “Why?”

Nurse: “We are about to get very busy. You need to leave so we have this bed free.”

We are in the A and E department (emergency room). There are a few private rooms at the end of the corridor with the waiting room at the other end as it’s a small hospital. I literally stick my head out the door, look right, and look left. There is not a sound or another soul except us three.

I turn to look at the nurse, who stares at me and says:

Nurse: “What are you waiting for?”

It was the most unprofessional discharge I have experienced. What kind of emergency was going to occur on a Thursday morning that would require the entire A and E?

H2-Slow, Part 25

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2023

I work in a pool supply store. One day, while I was doing an analysis of a water sample for one customer, a particularly chemically illiterate gentleman elbowed his way in to ask:

Customer: “Where do you keep the stuff that will remove all the oxygen from water so algae can’t grow in it?”

Me: “We don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “No?”

Me: “No such chemical exists within our walls.”

Customer: “Can you order something?”

Me: “No, it’s not something that I think exists, at least for regular people like you and me.”

Customer: “That’s stupid!”

Me: “Well, H2O minus the O equals H2.”

Customer: “Well, that’s perfect!”

Me: “No, that’s Hindenburg.”

He decided to see if our competitor down the street would have such a product.

H2-Slow, Part 24
H2-Slow, Part 23
H2-Slow, Part 22
H2-Slow, Part 21
H2-Slow, Part 20

But My Neighbor Has One Of Them Newfangled Transporters!

, , , | Right | March 28, 2023

I am working at an electronics retailer back in the early 2000s. I am assisting a gentleman who looks to be in his fifties with a fax machine.

Me: “Perhaps if you let me know what you’ll be using it for, I can help recommend the best model for you.”

Customer: “Well, my rent checks seem to arrive late to my landlord, so I figure I’ll fax them.”

Me: “I doubt your landlord will accept a faxed check.”

Customer: “Why not?”

After a few further moments of discussion, I realize that he thinks it’s either a teleportation device or something akin to the vacuum tubes at the bank drive-thru. I explain how fax machines work and that it does not actually send the item, but more of a picture of it.

Customer: “You must not be showing me the right thing. My neighbor bought one; I’ll be back after talking to him to see which type of machine he bought.”