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Imagine Having The Energy To Act This Way About Something So Minor

, , | Right | February 7, 2023

I worked in the dairy department at a grocery store. I was filling the yogurt section and had a large Boston cart on the floor to do it. The store often had a lot of floor displays in the middle of the aisle — an annoying corporate policy — and they took up a lot of space, so I had to park my cart as close to me as possible.

As I was working, two customers came into the aisle on either side of my cart, making it impossible for me to move. A third customer came down the aisle and began to make those scoffing noises that always precede a righteous tirade.

Customer: “CAN YOU MOVE YOUR CART, PLEASE?!”

Obviously, I was unable to do so. I was polite, shrugged, gestured to the people and giant displays surrounding me, apologized, and told her to have a nice day. The other two customers were otherwise occupied. The third customer grumbled something about how this was unacceptable and angrily went up front.

About five minutes later, the store manager calmly walked up with the customer, who was all but foaming at the mouth, waiting for him to rip me a new one.

Manager: “What happened?”

I explained.

Manager: *Calmly* “Next time, move the cart as best you can.”

The woman absolutely DEFLATED when he didn’t fire me on the spot. As she headed back to the front of the store, defeated and crestfallen, the manager turned back to me.

Manager: “You’re fine. I don’t fault you at all, man. She was a total b**** to everyone.”

Excuse Me Whilst I Bend Time And Reality For You

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2023

Client: “I’d like a Christmas catalog video made.”

Me: “Okay, how many products, and do they need to be shown with actors in a lifestyle setting?”

Client: “About ninety products and in a lifestyle setting, but the video needs to be less than ninety seconds.”

Me: “Okay, but that would be less than one second per product and wouldn’t give enough time to show them.”

Client: “Can’t you do it in slow motion?”

If You Want To Pay Me To Read All The Books, We Can Work Something Out

, , , | Right | February 6, 2023

Customer: “Do you all have that book about that basketball team that crashes and eats each other?”

Me: “I think I might, sir. Do you mean Alive?”

Customer: *Frustrated* “THE ONE WITH THE BASKETBALL PLAYERS!”

Me: “Well, that is the story of Alive, except it is rugby players who crash in the Andes. Could you be thinking of that one?”

The customer scoffs.

Customer: *Very seriously* “You work here. You mean to tell me you haven’t read all these?!”

He pointed to every shelf and wall in the store and then left in disgust.

Microchips For Microbrains

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2023

The PlayStation 5 has recently come out, and due to supply issues, it is almost impossible to get one. I get a lot of calls asking when they’ll be in stock, but one stands out more than the others.

Caller: “You got any PS5s?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t. Whenever we get them in, they sell out very fast, and due to supply issues—”

Caller: “Yeah, I saw that on the news. Disgusting! I hear we get all our chips from Taiwan! Taiwan! This is America, and we shouldn’t be getting our stuff from communist countries!”

Ignoring the fact that Taiwan isn’t communist, I try to reason with him.

Me: “Yeah, I read about that, but sadly, the chipsets that the PS5 runs on can only come from there so—”

Caller: “We should be able to make them here! Can’t you make them at your store?”

Me: “You’re asking our retail store to make the chips required to run a PS5?”

Caller: “I did this s*** in high school! All you need is a soldering iron and a steady hand.”

Me: “Sir, there are about ten-billion transistors in a PS5.”

Caller: *Pause* “Very steady hands, then!”

My manager was required to explain to him that a gaming store in the USA was not capable of replicating the output of a multi-billion-dollar microprocessor industry in Taiwan.

We’re Not Paying For Your Mistake And We Will Drive That Point Home

, , , , , , | Right | February 6, 2023

I am an assistant manager at a drive-thru car wash. A lady comes up to me.

Customer: “Can I speak to the manager?”

Me: “I’m the assistant manager today, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ten minutes, and no one has come to help me!”

Apparently, she has been sitting at one of our pay stations.

Me: “Ma’am, it’s self-service, and you need to back out from there.”

She backs out, and in doing so, she backs into a curb and scuffs up her rim.

Customer: “You told me to back out! This is your fault! You have to pay for this!”

Me: “No, ma’am, we will not be paying for damages you made to your car for your poor driving.”

Customer: “This was your fault!”

Me: “If you were to come into our parking lot and kill someone with your car due to your poor driving, it wouldn’t be us charged with vehicular manslaughter. It would be you. You hit the curb, so you will need to pay to fix the damages yourself. You can now leave.”

Customer: *Angry* “I will be back!”

I immediately called my manager and told him what happened and what I said word for word. He laughed.

The customer came back the next day and the owner was actually there. He got a kick out of my analogy, as well, and told the lady off. I loved that job.