This is a weird situation with small business CEO who outsourced one website project to me.

Me: “I’m finishing the project. Are you ready to discuss deployment details?”

Client: “Fantastic. When you finish, do you mind helping Peter with another project? And when you do that, I have a new web that needs to be done.”

Me: “Help with what? Who’s Peter? What project? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Client: “You are my employee now; I have a lot of work you must do.”

Me: “I am what? I don’t know where you got that, but I have also other clients.”

Client: “Do you also talk to them like this?”

I work in a store that specializes in clothing and outdoor recreation equipment. A guy enters my store.

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah, y’all got kayaks?”

Not only do we carry kayaks and canoes, but we have several attached to the OUTSIDE of the store, the pillars INSIDE the store, and HANGING from the CEILING of the store!

Me: “Yes, sir, we do. What kind were you interested in?”

Customer: “Seal skin.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “SEAL SKIN! Do y’all have seal skin kayaks?”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, why NOT?”

Me: “Well, sir, for one thing, the cost would be prohibitive. For another, I believe it’s illegal here in the US for anyone other than the Inuit people to catch and butcher seals.”

Customer: “You don’t know s***!”

And he walked out muttering to himself. I wish him the best of luck in finding a retail store that openly sells illegal products, far, far away from the source of said illegal product.

I work part-time as a barista at a coffee shop. Today at work, a woman ordered an iced coffee. I heard her tell the cashier that she wanted an iced coffee, and the cashier entered an iced coffee into the register. I don’t think there was a language barrier because the customer spoke English fluently.

When the customer received her iced coffee, she complained to the manager.

Customer: “Why is my iced coffee cold, and why does it have ice? When I ordered the iced coffee, I expected to receive a hot coffee with no ice. Can you remake it?”

She ordered “Vietnamese-styled iced coffee” from the “cold drinks” section of the menu. The drink has ice and has zero warm liquid in our shop, and the menu states how it’s prepared.

I don’t understand how these people function in society. I wonder what she thought an “iced coffee” was. The coffee shop offers plenty of hot drinks if she just wanted to order one of those.

It’s approximately 5:30 on a Saturday night — about thirty minutes before we close. I’m alone at the counter while my only other coworker is in the shelves tidying things up. Two teenage boys come in, one wearing what appears to be a band uniform consisting of a black button-up, black slacks, and a silver tie. It strikes me as a little odd, but I don’t really think anything of it.

About ten minutes later, the boy comes up to the counter with a book in his hand.

Boy: “Yeah, so… I don’t have any money, but what about—” *slowly places an unopened can of soda on the counter* “—you take this?”

Me: “Sorry, mate, no can do.”

Boy: “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go put it back.”

Me: *Holding back laughter* “Sure thing.”

Boy: “Did you, uh… want the soda anyway?”

Me: “Sure…? Why not? Thanks, mate.”

He proceeds to hand over the soda and I put it behind the counter. [Boy] wanders back into the shelves, followed by his friend. Five or so minutes later, he leaves with his friend. Then, my coworker comes wandering up, clutching another can of soda with a confused expression on his face.

Coworker: “Did he…?”

Me: “Yup.”

Coworker: “Did you…?”

Me: “Nope.”

Coworker: “But you…?”

Me: *Holding up my own can* “Yup.”

I work in a hotel. I had a guy check in yesterday afternoon — a very normal, uneventful check-in. This morning, he comes down to the desk in a tizzy about the deposit. He’d tried to check out with the night auditor this morning and was very unhappy to learn that the deposit on his card wouldn’t be refunded instantaneously. What’s more, he insisted I’d told him it would.

Guest: “You stood there and you told me that the deposit would be refunded immediately. So when I check out, you’re going to go up and check my room and give me my money back.”

Me: “That’s not accurate, sir, so I can’t imagine I would have said that. After you check out, housekeeping will check the room. Then, on our end, we will refund the deposit, and then your bank processes the refund.”

For whatever reason, our deposit acts like a charge instead of an authorization.

Guest: “And that happens immediately?”

Me: “I’m not sure how long it will take your bank to process it, sir.”

Guest: “That was my last $50 to live on, so you’re going to give me my money back when I leave.”

Me: “There’s no way for me to do that, sir. I have no control over how long it takes your bank to process refunds.”

Guest: “You told me it would be immediate.”

Me: “I do not recall that, sir, and considering that’s not how refunds work, I can’t imagine I would have said that. But I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

Guest: “It’s not a misunderstanding! You told me that! That’s my last $50! And you’re going to give it back to me!”

Me: “Yes, sir, assuming everything is good after checkout on our end, we will process the refund. Then, it’s on your bank.”

Guest: “I want it back today.”

Me: “I have no control over that, sir.”

Guest: “This is bulls***. I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty.”

Guest: “Then I want to talk to the owner.”

Me: “He is on vacation.”

Guest: “How am I getting my money back?”

Me: “After you check out and housekeeping checks the room, we process the refund on our end. Then, it’s up to your bank.”

Guest: “You should have told me that at check-in.”

Me: “I don’t recall our conversation at check-in, sir, so I do apologize for the misunderstanding.”

Guest: “I wouldn’t have stayed here if I’d known the money wouldn’t come right back.”

Me: “Okay.”

Guest: “You misled me.”

Me: “I don’t believe I did.”

He whines some more and demands the deposit back some more, and I repeat myself some more because at this point there is really nothing else to say. After he finally leaves, I turn to my trusty sidekick, Security Camera. I pull up the video from when he checked in to figure out what I might have said that he is trying to twist on me.

Lo and behold, the dude never once asked about when the deposit would be refunded. He asked if the deposit had to be on his card, and I said yes. That was the entirety of our conversation about it. The deposit being back on his card was apparently such a big deal to him, but he made no mention of it to me. And now he’s lying about it.

He is back at the desk an hour later.

Guest: “So, the deposit will be back on my card today?”

Me: “I’m not sure how long it will take your bank to process it, sir.”

Guest: “You told me—”

Me: “No, I didn’t. You see that camera? It records everything I say and do. I told you there’s a $50 deposit on your card, you asked if it has to be on the card, and I said yes. That was the extent of the conversation about the deposit. You didn’t ask about how long it would take to get the deposit back on your card, so I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t know that it was important to you. Usually, people ask when that’s the case.”

He grumbled and then stomped off, defeated.