Years ago, when I was doing network operations, we got an alarm for a data center that had a problem with the sprinklers. These days, data center sprinkler systems are loaded with inert gases like argon or nitrogen, but back then, it was water. We called someone to head into the office to work on the issue.

After that, we had to reach out to the facilities manager. As I am in Richmond, Virginia, and the data center was in California, I was calling them at about 5 AM. When the guy picked up (VP level), he read me the riot act and hung up. 

I called him back and stopped him when he began to rant:

Me: “I just need to give you the message, and then you can hang up. Your data center is flooding, and water is pouring on the server racks.”

VP: “Holy s***!”

Me: “I have facilities on their way to the site, and we are pulling the appliance list to notify the application owners.”

VP: “I’m in a car with a bunch of friends on the way to a football game.”

It’s 5 am their time, but California’s traffic is legendary.

Me: “Would you like me to call the CISO (Chief Information Security Officer, his boss)?”

VP: “…Yeah.”

Me: “Will do. Enjoy the game.”

He later contacted our department to apologize to me and talked me up to my boss.

I worked at a chain pizza restaurant. I was the assistant manager, and we were a smaller store than average for our chain, so we only had one cashier. It was a Friday, and we just got a fifty-pizza order (we argued that we weren’t equipped for it, but corporate says we have to accept large orders last minute, no matter what). Hence, we were slammed.

It didn’t matter how prepared we were; we couldn’t fit any more pizzas in the oven. It was hectic and insane. We had a bunch of call-ins, and some of them got confused or misheard because of how much was going on. 

We have this one guy who comes in all the time, and every time he is a jerk. He treats us like slaves and doesn’t leave until he’s figured out a way to make us bend over backwards for him by inventing more and more outlandish demands, like “I want this pizza cut into nine slices, not eight! Do it again!”

I was not having it this time. 

He called in prior, and I got his pizzas. He looked at them, then looked at me with disgust. He then throws the pizza on the counter and says:

Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered, not even close.”

Me: “We’re slammed tonight, so it was probably misheard. I do apologize. We can get that remade for you right away.”

Customer: “The person who took my order must have been f****** deaf!”

I can tolerate s***ty people (hello, I work with customers), but if you insult my employees who are working their a**es off, then I’m going to say something.

Me: “Stop right there. Don’t you dare insult my employees. They are back there working their a**es off; we are very busy. And I’m sorry your order got messed up, but understand it happens; we aren’t perfect. Now, I have offered to get those pizzas remade for you. Are you going to be a good little human being and wait, or are you going to keep acting like this? If you choose the latter, then you can get the h*** out.”

All these years of this customer treating us like crap, and this is the first time I’ve snapped at him. He takes a moment to recover.

Customer: “I… I’ll wait.”

Me: “Okay. It’ll be fifteen minutes because that’s what we’re supposed to say, but I can get it for you in ten. Okay?”

Customer: “…yes.”

Me: “Yes…?”

Customer: “Yes… thank you.”

He got his pizzas in ten minutes, aaaaand he tipped.

Snap at your problem customers, people! Bullies are mostly bullies because they pick on people who they think won’t fight back!

I was doing supervisory work in online retail customer service. I had a customer escalated to me about an item she received and changed her mind on, and the first agent hadn’t let her return the item.

The sticking point on her account was that this lady had a ridiculous ratio of returns, and we had started to restrict her ability to return things.

Anyhoo, I’m on the call with her, and she’s going off about how s***ty everything is.

Caller: “That first agent I spoke to was so s***ty! They kept talking about a return policy, and that’s s***ty too! Everything about your company is so s***ty!”

I was literally just flipping through tabs on Amazon as I half-listened to the tirade that was minutes in length, when finally, she started raising her voice and screaming at me:

Caller: “WELL, WHAT DO YOU F****** DO WHEN YOU BUY SOMETHING AND CHANGE YOUR MIND, HUH?!”

I was basically zoned out for several minutes while looking over Amazon tabs, so my filter had fallen. I immediately respond:

Me: “I remember that it didn’t work out, and I move on with my life.”

She stopped her rant, and her tone went straight to confused.

Caller: “What about when you want to return something?”

Me: “Miss, I haven’t returned a single thing in years. I consider my purchases carefully before making them.”

She seemed completely taken aback by the idea that someone would live like that.

Caller: *Calming down.* “Oh… well… I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else to do.”

Me: “Miss, how about instead of screaming at the people trying to help you and calling them s***ty, let’s calmly discuss your purchase history with us, and why the system might be blocking this current return. Does that sound good?”

Caller: “Okay… yes.”

She remained calm as I explained to her that she had returned twenty of the twenty-four items she had purchased from us in the last year. She almost rallied up a rant again when she explained that Amazon let her return anything all the time, but I countered that we were not Amazon, and that customers actually pay Amazon an annual fee on top of all their purchases to be able to do that. At the end…

Caller: “Thank you… for explaining it all to me.”

Me: “Thank you for letting me explain it. Now, I’m going to override the system and allow this return. I am only allowed to do this once. After that, the system locks even managers out from a return override. Do you understand what that means?”

Caller: “It means this is the last time I can return something.”

Me: “Thank you, yes, that is exactly what it means.”

We process the return, she thanks me again, and the call ends on good terms.

A couple of months later, something reminds me of her, and I check her account history. So far, four more purchases, no returns!

I was working at a coffee shop in a busy downtown area.

There was a businessman who was notorious for being abusive to our staff. One morning, he came in and ordered with me. This is his first time ordering from me.

Customer: *Brusquely.* “Blueberry scone and a coffee.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re out of blueberry. We have cranberry and—”

Customer: “—F****** typical! The one thing I want and you’re always f****** out of it! I bet if I had f****** wanted cranberry scones you’d f****** be out of those too, you f****** pieces of—”

Me: “—Sir! You’re a grown man throwing a temper tantrum over a cranberry scone. Sort your life out.”

I then calmly turned to the next customer.

The next day, he apologized and was never a problem again. Sometimes you just gotta let them know you won’t put up with their BS.

I work at the customer service counter. I have a pretty bad stutter, so I try to avoid customer interactions as much as possible, mostly fetching online orders from the back and, since it’s the holiday season, being a master at gift-wrapping. Sometimes it’s inevitable, and I will occasionally handle a phone call or two or deal with a customer at the counter.

Because of the aforementioned fact that it’s the holiday season, our line is very long, so we’re all dealing with customers as fast as possible.

Me: “H…ow can I h…elp, sir?”

Customer: “I’m here to pick up [online order number].”

Me: “I’ll j…ust get that for you. It w…ould h…elp if y…ou had ID r…eady when I g…et back.”

Customer: “Of course!”

I go to the back, get his item, come back out, check that the ID matches, and all is well.

Customer: “Thank you, and happy holidays!”

Me: “H…appy holidays!”

The next customer walks up to me and looks sheepish.

Me: “H…ow can I h…elp, ma’am?”

Customer: “My mother called this customer service desk earlier today to check on the availability of an online order.”

Me: “Can I h…ave the order number?”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. She has a stutter, and she thought the person who answered the phone was mocking her. I came down here to shout at them and get them fired. But, now I realize, it was you, wasn’t it?”

Me: “I d…id get a c…aller who had a sli…ight, s…tutter, yes. I thought we lost c… onnection.”

Customer: “No, she hung up very upset. I’m sorry for taking up your time on a very busy day. Next time I’ll tell her to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and to remember that she’s not the only one with a stutter.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am, and h… appy holidays!”

I appreciated her apologizing, considering she hadn’t actually started laying into me! I did lay off taking any calls for the rest of the day, though… just in case!