I’ll Make You Sorry You Asked

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(My boss at this time is a very arrogant individual; he is very full of himself and likes to pretend that the world snaps to attention and answers his every whim. Another thing to note is that all of the supervisors and quality staff are required to have a radio, and we are not allowed to turn them off while on the clock.)

Boss: “[My Name], this is [Boss].”

Me: “Go for [My Name].”

Boss: “Where are you right now?”

(Not wanting to give the whole plant a mental picture they can’t unsee…)

Me: “Indisposed. I can meet in five minutes; just tell me where.”

Boss: “But where are you right now?”

Me: “Not currently available.”

Boss: *furious and demanding* “[My Name], tell me where you are, and what you are doing, right now.”

(Okay, Boss, you asked for it…)

Me: “I am currently in the fourth stall from the door in the east bathroom, sitting on the toilet and feeling much better.”

(There is a long pause on the other end of the line. I am well aware that everyone with a radio has heard our conversation.)

Boss: *much more quietly* “When you are finished, please see me in my office.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

(I don’t remember what was so important, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t have waited five minutes. But he never pressed me over the radio again.)

So Incompetent You Could Just Die!

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I live with my grandmother as she has problems moving around. Since I moved in with her, I have added Internet access on top of her normal cable box. However, I have noticed that the Internet randomly drops connection and stays disconnected for a few minutes. I call up the Internet company and notice that it is under my grandfather’s name first. He passed away ten years ago.)

Internet Rep: “Am I speaking to [Grandfather]?”

Me: “No, I’m his grandson. He passed away ten years ago. I can put my grandmother on the line as she is also on the account.”

Internet Rep: “I’m sorry, but unless he talks to me I can’t continue this conversation. He is the name on the account.”

Me: “I don’t understand; she is also on the account, so she can help out.”

Internet Rep: “He is on the account. I can’t continue unless he talks with me.”

(I decide to try something stupid and tell him to hold on.)

Me: *with the same voice* “Hello, this is [Grandfather].”

Internet Rep: “Ah, thank you. Now we can begin your fix. What is the problem?”

(I couldn’t believe that worked. In fact, I just found it easier to say I’m my grandfather when talking with the companies. I asked how to remove his name from the account during another conversation, but I needed a four certified copies of his death certificate!)

A Sign This Job May Be Wrong For You

, , , , | Working | March 22, 2019

(I’m an adult man living with my parents. My parents have gone on vacation for a week, and I am staying home to take care of things around the house. One day, a [Delivery Company] truck pulls into the driveway, and I head outside to meet the driver. The driver is not the regular driver for our route. Being a rural area where everybody knows everybody, this is kind of big news.)

Me: “Hi there. Is [Regular Driver] just out for today, or are you the new driver for our route?”

Driver: *getting out of his truck with a package in his hands* “He called in sick today, so I’m substituting for him. He should be back tomorrow. Anyway, I got a package for [My Dad].”

Me: “Thanks! I can grab it from you.”

Driver: “You’ll need to sign first.”

Me: *confused, because my dad never chooses the “must sign” option when he orders things* “Okay, I guess I can sign for it.”

Driver: *checks my signature* “Wait. You’re not [My Dad]? Is he home right now?”

Me: “No, that’s my dad, and he’s not home right now.”

Driver: “Oh. The package is in his name, so I guess I can’t deliver it until he’s home.”

(Before I could say another word, the driver put the package back into the truck, got into his seat, and drove off. Knowing that our regular driver was supposed to be back the next day, I decided not to call customer service, since it really wasn’t a big deal yet; my dad wouldn’t be home for a few more days, so he didn’t need the package right away. The next day, our regular driver was back in the truck, and I received the package with no issues. Out of curiosity, I asked him if [Delivery Company] had recently changed their policy on signing for packages. He started laughing, and asked what had happened. After I told the story, he explained that I wasn’t the only one who had had problems; apparently, the substitute driver had unofficially broken the [Delivery Company] record for most complaints in his first day as a driver… with nearly 30 complaints! He had refused to deliver ANY package without a signature from the person listed on the package, and he had even refused to deliver packages to businesses unless the business owners themselves signed for them. Naturally, he was fired as soon as he returned to the office at the end of the route, and [Delivery Company] lost a lot of money refunding the shipping fees for all the customers who called to complain. I guess I should have called customer service right away and saved my dad a few dollars on his project.)

Cutting Down On Cutting In

, , , | Working | March 21, 2019

(A prolific chain has started the ability to order online and have them load up your car when you arrive for groceries. I have never used it before this because they aren’t all that close to where I live, and the grocery store is literally two blocks away. Normally, my wife does the shopping herself while I watch our son, but I do not want to be in the house on my day off, so I go with her. She knows where everything is and it doesn’t take us too long to get what we need. The store is pretty busy in anticipation for a winter storm coming in, and it looks like almost every register is open. We are waiting in line when the previous people move up, and suddenly a woman and her three kids cut us off with a cart full and start to unload directly onto the belt.)

Me: *to my wife* “What the…”

Wife: *sighs* “People here do that all the time!”

Me: *to woman* “Take it all off, now.”

(The woman ignores me and starts to unload faster.)

Me: *to cashier* “Hey, I know you saw that. Are you going to do anything about this?”

Cashier: *just looks at me defeated* “I can’t, really…”

Me: “Okay, then. You deal with the consequences.” *to my wife* “Leave it. Leave all of it. We’re going somewhere else.”

Wife: “What?!”

Me: “Leave the cart here. If there are no consequences, people will keep doing it. Make them suffer for it. Come on.”

(I take my son out of the cart and start to walk away. At first, my wife doesn’t know if I am serious, and after I take a few steps away, she follows me.)

Cashier: “Sir! SIR! You can’t leave that here! SIR!”

(I keep walking out and wave him off as a manager comes rushing up to us, trying to stop me, but I keep walking.)

Manager: “Sir, what is the problem?”

Me: “A woman ran in front of us as I approached the belt and began unloading. Your cashier said he wouldn’t do anything about it. You can put all those groceries back yourself, then. If you’re going to encourage bad behavior, encourage this.”

(I continue to walk out, and when we get into the car my wife is a little heated.)

Wife:Now what?”

Me: *pulling out my phone* “Drive to [Specific Store]. I’ve got this covered.”

(I proceeded to do the shopping through their app from everything on our list. By the time we got there, the order was ready slightly ahead of us and we had them load it up into the car. Turns out my little stunt/temper tantrum had a small bit of an effect, because my wife said the next time she went in that store, they were telling people they couldn’t cut ahead in the lines anymore and she has only had it be a problem a handful of times since then.)

Prices That Break The Fabric Of Reality

, , , , | Working | March 21, 2019

(I’ve sewn a lot of my own things most of my life, but find that many people do not think that homemade items have any value. I’ve made the mistake of using a bag I’ve just made when I go to work one day.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, my God! I love your bag; where did you get it from?”

Me: “I made it myself.”

Coworker #1: “You have to make one for me, too.”

Coworker #2: “Me, too! I want one, too. Can you bring them in next week?”

Me: “No, I’ve got another to finish first for my mother’s birthday and won’t have time to make any more just yet.”

(They keep hounding me every time I see them, insisting that I make an identical bag for each. I keep trying to tell them I can’t do it for a while. Then, one day, I am about to leave work and while I’m getting my bag from my locker, one of them comes into the staff room.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, [My Name], you don’t need to worry about the bag now. We just saw one that a customer made and she said she could make us one each.”

(A few moments later [Coworker #2] comes into the room.)

Coworker #2: “Did you know that [Customer] wants us to pay $20 each for the bags?”

Coworker #1: “What? $20 for a homemade bag? Who is she kidding? Just go and tell her we don’t want them.”

Me: “Uh, how much did you expect to pay me?”

Coworker #1: “Why? What would you charge?”

Me: “I hadn’t worked it out yet but—“ *pointing to the main fabric* “—this fabric cost me $22 a metre.”

Coworker #2: “What? We thought you could do it for $10.”

(We worked in a fabric store; they knew how much fabrics cost and that bags like that take a few hours to make.)

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