A friend interviewed someone for a highly selective, ethics-dependent promotion that would result in significant career advancement. One of the questions was:

Interviewer: “Does anyone know anything about you that may call your character into question?”

This was a throwaway question, used to check a box.

Friend: “Yeah, there are maybe some people at my current employment who may think I am having an affair with the COO of the company.”

Interviewer: “That’s very specific. Why might they think that?”

Friend: “Well, they know I am married, but they don’t know that he and I have been married for nineteen years.”

Interviewer: “Why have you kept this a secret?”

Friend: “Well, when we were both new at the company, dating among staff was strictly not allowed. We started dating and kept it quiet. That was twenty-two years ago, and we just never told anyone.”

Interviewer: “And no one noticed?”

Friend: “Not at first. The company was large enough, and we worked in different departments, so no one noticed we took time off at the same time.”

Interviewer: “Well, that’s certainly the most… interesting answer we’ve received to that question.”

Friend: “So, do I not get the ethics job because of the secret, or do I get the ethics job because I was honest about the secret?”

Interviewer: “We’ll have to get back to you.”

My friend met me for a coffee after the interview and told me about it, and told me he doesn’t know why he answered so honestly. I told him to stay positive, and it must have worked, as they called him with a job offer before I’d finished my latte.

This happened back in 2002. The Air Force Office of Special Investigations called and told me to report to their office.

When I arrived, they began interrogating me.

Investigator: “We have reason to believe you’ve been using illicit substances and spending time with [Other Airman].”

Me: “I haven’t been using anything, and I barely even know that guy.”

Investigator: “We know you’ve been hanging around with him.”

Me: “No, I haven’t. You’ve got the wrong person.”

This argument continued for about ten minutes before one of the investigators finally asked an important question.

Investigator: “Wait. Aren’t you Airman [Extremely Common Last Name]?”

Me: “Yes, but there are multiple Airmen named [Extremely Common Last Name] in my shop alone.”

In the Air Force, a “shop” is a work section or unit. There was a pause.

Investigator: “Oh.”

It turned out that they had meant a completely different person. They had seen my last name and summoned me without checking my ID or even asking for my first name.

I then had to be read into the investigation because they had f***ed up and told everything to the wrong Airman.

I’m working the patio on a nice summer’s day. I’m pouring some water for a customer and, instead of saying:

Me: “The weather is nice today, isn’t it?”

I actually said:

Me: “Would you like some weather?”

The customer, looking confused, said:

Customer: “Uh, more of what we’re currently getting would be great, thanks!”

I nodded and got out of there as fast as possible to look for a hole to crawl into.

I once needed a manager to electronically sign a document. He attempts to draw his signature using his finger on the laptop’s trackpad.

Manager: “That looks terrible. It’s so sloppy.”

I recognise the model of his laptop.

Me: “You know your laptop has a stylus, right?”

A stylus is a small electronic pen used to write or draw directly on a touchscreen. I point to the slot where it is stored inside the laptop.

Manager: “It has a WHAT?!”

He pulls out the stylus and stares at it with wide eyes.

Manager: “I had no idea this was in here!”

His excitement attracts the attention of the rest of his team.

Coworker #1: “Wait, do our laptops have those?”

Coworker #2: “Where is it?”

Everyone begins excitedly checking their laptops. This produces a mixed chorus of “oohs,” “aahs,” and “wows” as we discover who else has the same feature.

It’s a fun little break from the typical office-day routine.

Then nobody ever uses the styluses again.

I was desperate to start a new job after my husband and I were both laid off last year. When I was offered a new role, I knew it would be a step down from what I had been doing, but the manager and the team seemed great, and that part has not changed. However, since my manager, Gary, was so busy, he basically offloaded me to another manager, Jane.

I was supposed to be the connection point between my team and Jane, but it quickly became Jane micromanaging me. She would ask me to work through lunch, move/cancel vacation days, call at 11 pm on weekends, and order me around on phone calls. She also made nasty comments about my weight.

Jane: “You’re big for your race.”

The list of personal slights was so long that it filled three pages. I would talk back to her, and she did not like that, which provoked her more.

I only stayed because we needed to pay the bills. Finally, I had a mental breakdown on a Friday afternoon after she yelled at me for something trivial.

Jane: “You scheduled a meeting without including someone from my team!”

I didn’t know about that person. I was dealing with a family tragedy and couldn’t take it anymore. I told Gary about the situation with Jane, and he was sympathetic and not at all surprised, considering half her team had quit. He immediately offered to move me to a different team under him. I was thrilled.

Well, it turned out that going to the new team didn’t help. Jane continued to order me around from afar. When I ignored her emails, she came to my desk one day and started talking loudly.

Jane: “You’re not qualified for this role.”

Gary overheard and finally told her off, but the verbal abuse did not stop. After two months there, I abruptly wrote my resignation letter, stapled the list of Jane’s offensive comments to it, and CC’d everyone.

Gary offered a bunch of accommodations to try to keep me, but seeing how she was still provoking me from afar, I told him:

Me: “The only way for me to stay would be for her to go.”

He did not have the authority to let her go. Her manager was in a different country, and despite several HR complaints from at least five people, nothing was done. So, I left loudly and without shame, telling everyone exactly why I was leaving.

Times were very bad for three months. There were nights when we would eat slices of bread just so we could pay the mortgage and emergency expenses from a health crisis and a funeral. Even after my husband found a job, we were still catching up on bills, and we still are.

I spent months applying to five to ten roles per day, sometimes over twenty. Last month, I saw a public memo about a bigshot from a former company joining the company I had just left. I used to work closely with this guy, so I texted him.

Me: “Congrats. Let me know if you need any insights on the new place.”

We had a quick call where I told him some of the ins and outs and where I thought they could innovate. After this call, he asked me to join the team as his Chief of Staff. I accepted.

Imagine Jane’s shock when we had our first all-hands call. All the VPs and above were asked to welcome the new bigshot in a giant conference room. In the bigshot’s speech, he breezed over the fact that I would be his Chief of Staff, along with a few other key names.

I now sat two levels above Jane, and apparently, within the three months I had not been there, the other half of her team had turned over. Every single person had left.

Gary was excited for me and said all sorts of nice things. However, Jane took the classless route and sent the bigshot an email saying that I was an unqualified idiot, that I used to work for her, that I had tried to get her fired, and that she suspected I had lied to get ahead. She didn’t even try to be fake-nice.

The bigshot forwarded me her email.

Bigshot: “What is this about?”

I was so nervous and excited! Little did Jane know, I had been a director at the bigshot’s competitor company and was already a level above her, so two levels wasn’t a big leap. I had also worked with him for five years.

I had an hour-long call with the bigshot and told him she was bad for the company culture and was a nasty person in general. However, the evidence he needed was Gary confirming that her whole team had turned over, my prior resignation letter, which was still sitting on my desktop when I logged in upon my return, and a few other nasty emails she had sent to her recent staff, which they were happy to share with us.

Bigshot fired Jane on Friday.