I’ve been in my office job for a few months now. I’ve met most people, but I’m still getting to know a few. One guy is known as Caffeine Carl (name changed, but still begins with a ‘C’). I have never officially spoken to him, but today I need to check in on him for something.

Me: “Hey, Carl, you need to sign off on this and the deadline is today, so…”

Without looking away from his task, in fact, without moving at all save for his hands, he takes the document from my hands, signs exactly where he needs to (without looking) and wordlessly hands it back.

Me: “…thanks?”

He remains hyper-focused on his task, and I return the document to the manager.

Manager: “Get everyone’s sign off?”

Me: “Yeah… including Carl. Is he okay?”

Manager: “Caffeine Carl? Oh yeah, he’s fine.”

Me: “He seems, a bit…”

Manager: “He has more coffee in a day than I do in a week. Is it healthy? Nah. Has his left eye not blinked since April? Likely. Does he have the best productivity out of everyone in the entire office? Absolutely.”

Me: “Well… okay then? Does he ever talk?”

Manager: “Only if he really doesn’t like you.”

Phew!

Our store manager is one of the worst people I’ve ever met. A new cashier starts. She is seventeen, nervous, and three shifts into the job. She’s also just found out she’s pregnant and has horrible morning sickness.

Mid-shift, she’s in the bathroom next to the break room, loudly vomiting. The manager and I both hear it. 

She comes out pale and shaking.

Cashier: “I’m really sorry… can I please go home? I can’t keep anything down.”

The manager doesn’t even look sympathetic.

Manager: “If you’re not back here in thirty minutes with a doctor’s note, don’t bother coming back at all.”

The girl bursts into tears, runs out of the store, and, unsurprisingly, never comes back.

A few years later, after I was thankfully let go myself, I heard what finally happened to that manager:

She was escorted out of the store in handcuffs for financial fraud.

Some people get the ending they earn.

Related:
A Sickening Lack Of Empathy

I’m helping a customer who is looking for a Bluetooth outdoor speaker.

Me: “This one is best for picnics or trips to the beach, since it’s waterproof, and—”

My manager steps in and interrupts.

Manager: “—oooor, you could get this speaker instead! It’s much louder and only a little bit heavier, but that weight really packs a punch with the volume!”

Me: “[Manager], we already discarded that option as it’s not waterproof.”

Manager: *Ignoring me, talking to the customer.* “[My Name], means well, but she’s not as clued up on electronics as some of the gents. You look like a customer who wants to impress with the bass of their outdoor speaker.”

Me: “No. He’s a customer who wants something waterproof enough to survive his, how did you put it? “Army of three children, all under nine years old, who have enough water pistols each to start a war.”?”

Customer: “That’s what I said! I’ll take the one that you recommended.”

The customer takes the box I had taken out for them, and is on their way. My manager rounds back on me after the customer leaves.

Manager: “YOU NEVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A CUSTOMER!”

Me: “Don’t speak to me like that in front of a customer, and you won’t be spoken to like that in front of a customer.”

The customer turned back at the sound of my manager’s raised voice.

Customer: “I do hope that [My Name] here isn’t going to get into trouble for picking out for me exactly the speaker I needed?”

Manager: “This is an internal staffing matter, sir. I wish you a good day.”

Customer: “All the same, I will be calling your head office to praise [My Name] on their excellent customer service. I’ll be sure to mention the exact date and time… just in case it happens to match up with any disciplinary action they might have coming their way.”

The customer and my manager stare daggers at each other for a while before the manager tells me to go about my tasks and politely says goodbye to the customer.

That customer actually followed through and called the head office to sing my praises! It didn’t come to anything, of course, but it put my usually petulant and man-baby-like manager in his place for a while!

I get a tech support ticket sent through.

Ticket: “Need help with the Outlook.”

That’s it. That’s the entire ticket. Most users are courteous enough to post screenshots or detailed descriptions. Not this person. Also, an executive.

Me: “I’m sorry, but your request is lacking in detail. Are you getting error messages? What are you trying to do exactly?”

User: “Outlook offline and spotty.”

Me: “Can you send a screenshot?”

A screenshot is sent. The issue, which he didn’t explain for crap, was that Outlook’s Work Offline toggle was enabled. Kind of important information to exclude, but whatever. That’s an easy fix.

Me: “Search for Work Offline in the search bar at the top of your Outlook window and toggle it under Actions. That will fix the issue.”

User: “No, it just returns results about offline emails.”

Fine. Maybe he didn’t notice it; the search results can be crowded. We can do the direct option instead.

Me: “Open the Send/Receive tab. The toggle is there.”

User: “I can’t toggle it.”

Me: “You click, and it does nothing?”

User: “Yes.”

Fine. Maybe Outlook glitches out. It’s happened to me.

Me: “Please open AnyDesk so I can troubleshoot.”

He opens it surprisingly fast, all things considered. I get connected, navigate to Send/Receive…and click it. It works without issue. Outlook returns to ‘Connected to Microsoft Exchange’ mode. 

Now, at this point, my blood was boiling because he had demonstrated a complete ineptitude at clicking buttons. Thank God this wasn’t a phone call, or my frustration would have been laid bare against my better judgment.

Me: “It’s fixed. Your mailboxes are updating.”

User: “No, it still says working offline.”

Naturally, that’s nonsense. I watched the Working Offline prompt switch to Connected to MS Exchange with my own two eyes. Maybe he didn’t see it yet?

Me: “It’s connected. It says so in this area.” *Hovers above the Connected text.*

User: “No, it still says Work Offline.”

That’s when I noticed. He wasn’t looking at the area I was POINTING TO, he was looking at the literal Work Offline toggle.

Me: “That’s just the toggle, sir. That won’t change in real time. The status below says Connected.”

User: “But why does it still say Work Offline? That means I’m offline.”

I’m fed up. I open my own Outlook. I sent him a message. Politely, of course.

Me: *Via Outlook.* “Your Outlook is working online now. This message would not have arrived otherwise.”

The user is still for a few moments.

User: “Thank you.”

We both disconnect. I’m still dumbfounded several hours later.

I work the opening/early shift at my store. I am waiting for my closing/late shift coworkers to come in, but they’re running late. All of them.

Me: “[Boss], can I go home? My shift finished, and—”

Boss: “No, we need at least one person manning the checkouts until the closing crew arrives.”

Me: “But they’re late. They’re all late, always.”

Boss: “Chill, [My Name]. Enjoy having the extra hours.”

Me: “No, because I have a bus to catch and it’s once every hour. If I miss it, I have to wait a whole other hour in the cold, and I’d rather stick to my schedule.”

Boss: “Just wait until they get in.”

This kept happening. I decided that since the boss wasn’t going to do anything about it (and we had self-checkouts), one shift, I just closed up and left on time.

Apparently, all the customers started to complain to the boss that there was no one around to help. The boss tried to write me up for it, but I said:

Me: “You can’t write me up for not working involuntary overtime. Either change the shifts to allow the late shift workers to come in earlier and overlap with mine, or punish them for coming in late. I won’t be staying late anymore.”

The boss looked angry but knew he had no solid argument. My coworkers come in on time now.