That’s A Good Line

, , , , | Working | April 23, 2018

(It’s a very slow Thursday at the store where I work. I am alone at the service desk, one of the other girls is on a break, and the third girl is putting away returned stock. It’s so slow that I’m surfing NAR discreetly. A woman walks up with her credit card bill in her hand.)

Customer: *looking around* “Can you help me here?”

Me: *joking* “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’ll have to wait in line.”

(I wait a beat, and then continue, as there is definitely no line.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I can help you here.”

Customer: *also joking* “Oh, good, that wait was ridiculous. You need more help here!”

Me: “I know, ma’am, but labor and budgets, and blah blah blah.”

(I’ve finished her transaction, so I hand her the receipt and wish her a good day.)

Customer: “You, too. I hope it slows down a bit!”

(I cracked up and she laughed her way out the door.)

Bingo Is A Dying Game

, , | Working | April 22, 2018

(When you enter a bingo hall, you have to have your membership card swiped to “check in” for that day. For many reasons, we have messages pop up: birthdays, ID required, banned member, etc. I am working on the swipe system when some regular customers turn up and hand me their cards. I swipe one and I get an error message, which is accompanied by a strange sound.)

Me: “I’m sorry; there appears to be a problem…”

Customer: “Really? What’s wrong?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Well, it says here that your card has been declined as you’re, uh, dead?”

Customer: “Dead?”

(When a customer passes away, a manager has to update their card to set their status from Active to Deceased. Each member has a specific card number, but it’s easy to get a digit wrong. The customer was a great sport about it.)

I’ll Have A “Take Your Sweet” Thyme And A Glacial Melt

, , , , , | Working | April 22, 2018

(I’m waiting in line at a fast food drive-thru. It’s moving very slowly, and I’m the second-closest to the drive-thru speaker. I can hear everything that’s going on with the car in front of me.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: *places order*

Employee: “Okay, your total is [amount]. Please pull up to the next window.”

(The line hasn’t moved an inch since this customer placed his order.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “It’s still me.”

Employee: “Okay, sir, please pull up to the window when you’re ready.”

(Beat.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “Hello! It’s me again! I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Employee: “Okay, thank you.”

(The line finally moves. We only manage to make it up half a car-length.)

Employee: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

(There is this awkward pause, as the car in front of me is no longer next to the speaker, and I’m only halfway there, so I can’t see the entire menu.)

Employee: “This is the same person, isn’t it?”

(The line suddenly starts moving again, so I manage to pull up right next to the speaker.)

Me: “Nope, you finally got a different customer, now! Thanks for waiting. Are you ready to take my order?”

That Is A “Pretty” Bad Policy

, , , , | Working | April 21, 2018

(A friend is talking to a woman visiting her sister. The woman is complaining about her expanding business and how annoying it is finding someone to hire. The job in question entails answering the phone, searching their files for the car part the client is inquiring about, and replying whether it’s available. My friend has finished her studies and is unemployed.)

Friend: “I would like to apply, if that’s okay.”

Boss: “Oh, no. I could never hire you; you’re a beautiful girl.”

Friend: “Excuse me? What’s that have to do with anything?”

Boss: “You’ll probably marry soon, and then you’ll get pregnant and leave. I want someone who will work there permanently; I don’t have time or will to train two people to do that job.”

Friend: *taken aback* “So, you’re only hiring men? Wait. I thought you already have a girl working for you.”

Boss: “Well, that’s completely different.”

Friend: “How exactly?”

Boss: “She looks like a man! No one will ever want to date her, let alone sleep with her.”

(Her employee is a beautiful girl who simply prefers sportswear and having her hair cut short.)

Friend: *leaves to stop herself committing murder*

(I don’t know what’s more idiotic: her backward opinions, or her belief that she’ll find someone willing to permanently work at such a low paid menial job. There is a silver lining, however: guess who announced their pregnancy a couple of months later?)

The Booze Crews

, , , , , , | Working | April 21, 2018

(I work as a delivery driver for a sandwich shop that stays open until 4:00 am, making the last shift of the day 10:00 pm to 4:00 am. On my night off, a little after 10:00 pm, I am hanging out with some friends, having a couple of drinks, when I get a call.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I know it’s last minute, but is there any way you can do a delivery shift tonight?”

Me: “Well, normally I would, but to be honest, I’m a bit drunk right now. There is no way I could drive.”

Manager: “Yeah, you’re not alone.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Manager: “[Coworker who is supposed to be doing the delivery shift tonight] is drunk, too; that is why I’m trying to get someone to cover his shift!”

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