A Hundred Percent Should Have Said That

, , , , , | Working | February 20, 2019

(The bank calls the store as my manager is getting ready to open for the day.)

Manager: “[Store], how can I help you?”

Banker: “Good morning. This is [Banker] from [Bank]. I’m calling to let you know that your deposit from last night is one hundred dollars short.”

Manager: *shocked* “A hundred?! There’s no way I would have missed that much of a difference!”

Banker: “I’m afraid so, ma’am. The deposit is one hundred dollars short of the number on the envelope.”

Manager: “But how could that even happen?”

Banker: “Well, ma’am, the hundred-dollar bill from your deposit is, unfortunately, a fake.”

Manager: *pause* “You could have just told me that.”

About To Have A Kindergarten Strop

, , , | Working | February 20, 2019

(My twins have been in kindergarten for three months, and we are very happy with the place. The carers are great and our twins’ “trust-person” is such a joyful lady; we like her and so do the kids. There is just one older, slightly grumpy carer, who always takes some little thing to berate us about, mostly suggesting we keep the kids at home whenever something is slightly out of order. My husband works full-time, and I do three days a week. The other two days, the kids usually still go, but mostly because they have more fun there than with me at home, doing laundry and such. One day, the daycare is scheduled to close an hour earlier. As I am working, my parents-in-law are picking up the kids as usual and they have been informed about the earlier pick-up multiple times. Four minutes past the time the kids should have been picked up, I get a call at work.)

Old Lady Carer: “Mrs. [My Name], you know that the kids need to be picked up an hour earlier today.”

(Of course, I fear the grandparents forgot, excuse myself a million times, and end the call to start the emergency phone marathon.)

Old Lady Carer: “You do that. [Twins] are sitting here and are waiting.”

(I feel so bad about this. My head is full of pictures of them sitting in the empty kindergarten hallway, with their little backpacks on their knees, lonely and forgotten. Possibly crying. I call the grandparents’ mobile but no one answers. Then, I call their landline — no answer. I call my husband and tell him his parents are not there and he tries to reach them again. Meanwhile, I call my mum, who lives near the kindergarten, but only has a bike and no car. She agrees that she could be there in about thirty minutes. I tell her to get ready and I will call my husband again to see if he has reached his parents. He has not and is reasonably worried. His parents are seventy and you never know. As we both work in different places than our hometown, my mum would be the fastest to reach the kids. I call her and she tells me she will get going right away! I try to call back the kindergarten. It is now twenty past. Nobody answers. I try twice more before reading texts from my husband telling me that his parents’ mobile phone is still not being answered. I try the daycare again, and finally, someone picks up.)

Different Care Person: “[Kindergarten], [Care Person] speaking.”

Me: “I tried to reach the grandparents, but they aren’t answering the phone. I could be there in an hour, but as we don’t want the twins to wait any longer than necessary, my mother is on her way on her bike and will be there in about twenty minutes, I guess. We are quite worried that the grandparents are not answering any calls and we hope it’s nothing serious…“

Different Care Person: “Wait, wait, wait. What’s up? What are you talking about? I don’t know what you mean.”

Me: “Aren’t you already closed? And [Twins] have not been picked up?”

Different Care Person: “[Twins]? No, they have been picked up already. The grandparents arrived extra early, and we just forgot the time chatting until now, I guess. And the twins have been playing so happily all this time.”

Me: “But [Older Care Lady] called me to tell me they were sitting there alone and waiting.“

Different Care Person: “She probably did not see us chatting outside; that’s the only explanation I can think of. Everything is absolutely fine; don’t worry!”

Me: “Well, I’m glad about that. But that was really unnecessary.“

(She apologised again, but I told her it was fine as long as the kids were fine. I then called my mum, who was pedaling as fast as a sixty-year-old lady can, to make her turn around. She was relieved, too, but peeved, as expected. My husband texted me, meanwhile, that he’d reached his parents’ mobile in the end; they just had left it in the car while chatting in the daycare’s playground while the kids were still running around happily. All is well that ends well, but maaan, that was an annoying hour.)

Got Their Wires Crossed

, , , , , | Working | February 20, 2019

(I am wiring up some phone lines at home. Being the handy person I am, I have all the right tools for the job, but I need extra wire. Now that everyone is on cell phones, it’s easy to forget that there used to be three types of wire used for phones: four twisted wires inside a flesh-tone tube, four light wires in a gray, and a combination of the two that was like a spring. The right tool I have is a crimper that attaches clips to the end of the flat type. My wife is going out, so I decide to have her pick some up.)

Me: “I need fifty feet of phone cable. I need this kind. Here is a sample so you know exactly what to get.”

(I hand her six inches of cable and figure that this could not be screwed up. An hour later, she returns with the wrong kind of wire.)

Me: “This is the wrong wire.”

Wife: “The guy said you needed this kind.”

Me: *inwardly face-palming* “You do realize that there was a reason I sent a sample with you?”

(I wasn’t upset with my wife, but I really needed to smack the employee for the debacle. I knew my wife well enough that I knew a sample was needed to make sure I got the right thing. But what idiot employee, shown exactly what is needed, blindly decides you need something else?)

Only Likes Manly Numbers

, , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I’ve dropped my car off for some maintenance at a garage a few blocks from my work and am calling to check on it. My husband has a charge account here for our farm.)

Me: “I was just wondering if you had an idea of when it will be ready; I’m here until five so it’s no rush.”

Owner: “It’ll probably be about two hours, yet.”

Me: “Do you want my phone number so you can just give me a call?”

Owner: “Does [Husband] have your phone number?”

Me ”Yes?”

Owner: “Oh! I’ll just get it from him, then.” *hangs up*

Me: “What just happened?”

The Retail Equivalent Of Breaking Up Via Text

, , , , , , | Working | February 19, 2019

(I am the electronics manager at a big-box retailer. One of the new hires in my department is the practical epitome of a poor worker; he frequently shows up late, is rude to other employees, and often sits around doing nothing instead of fulfilling his duties. He has had multiple write-ups and is fresh off a suspension for making a rude remark to his immediate supervisor. Lo and behold, he shows up an hour late on his first shift back from suspension, and I spot him loafing around in the in-store cafe. I decide enough is enough and he has to be let go, but I’m very busy and cannot talk to him in person. So, I decide to be a little creative…)

Me: *over the PA* “[New Hire], if you can hear me… YOU’RE FIRED!” *pause* “Please head to the store manager’s office to pick up your termination papers.”

(Soon after, the new hire storms towards the office, cursing loudly. Several customers are looking at me in disbelief.)

Electronics Supervisor: “I gotta say, that was one h*** of a way to let that guy go!”

(Thirty minutes later, I was called into the store manager’s office and written up for not following termination protocol properly. Totally worth it, given how much of a jerk that new hire was to begin with.)

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