A Ballooning Sense Of Security

, , , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

Our library has a security system with motion detectors that we set every night as we lock up the building. Like most security systems, you always set it hoping it never goes off… but early one morning, the day after a large party was held in one of our big meeting rooms, my boss gets a phone call from the police, saying they got an alert that the security system has gone off and they need to search the building.

The boss goes and unlocks the building, and watches the officer do a walk-through of the building with his gun drawn, getting more and more nervous the whole time. When the walk-through of the building is complete and they’ve found nothing, she starts to fret even more. She wonders out loud if someone attending the party hid in the library and is still hiding somewhere.

At which point the officer gives her a look and says, “Party? Balloons?”

As it turns out, the decorations for the party are still up, to be cleaned up by the opening shift… and among said decorations are balloons. When the furnace kicked on in the wee hours of the morning, the balloons were blown about by the warm air, setting off the motion detectors. Red-faced, my boss thanks the officer and sends him on his way.

We haven’t had balloons in the library since.

And If You Win In Court Today, You’ll Get A Nice Treat

, , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I’m a secretary in a law firm, and our lawyers, for the most part, do value our work and contribution for the team effort. One in particular is always careful not to bother us with “simple” tasks, but sometimes he takes things too far.)

Lawyer: *to the room at large* “So, how busy is everyone today, on a scale of one to ten?”

Me: “An eight? Anyway, do you need assistance?”

Lawyer: “Oh, an eight… Well, then. No, it’s fine.” *he’s holding a stack of paper and fussing with it* “I needed something scanned.”

Me: “All right. Give it here, then.”

(I hold out my hands, but he hesitates.)

Lawyer: “No! You’re busy! A trained professional shouldn’t be asked to do simple things like this. I’ll do it myself.”

Me: *pause* “Sometimes you should really listen to yourself.”

Coworker: *who has been listening* “Now, give it here and get back to work; there’s a good lawyer.”

Honesty Pays, Absolute Honesty Pays Absolutely

, , , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(My dad gives me some cash he owes me, so my partner and I decide to buy dinner from a popular fast food place.)

Colleague: “That’s £18.75, please.”

(I hand her the £20 note I have. She hands me £10.25 back in change, instead of £1.25. This meal is a rare treat for my partner and me, as we don’t earn much. So, we falter for a moment as we both decide whether to call out her mistake. Having worked retail, though, I know how annoying it is to have the till down by even the smallest amount of money.)

Me: *to [Colleague #2] handing us our food* “Excuse me, but your colleague gave me a £10 note instead of a £1.”

(He blinked and got his colleague to open the till. She was extremely thankful, and [Colleague #2] gave us an extra box of chicken as a gesture to say thank you. Honesty pays!)

Cut Down His Plan

, , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I have just done my grocery shopping after an eight-hour shift. I am tired and a bit irritated. I have put my things on the belt when three girls with a few things come up behind me. The middle girl has an adorable puppy in her jacket. I coo over the puppy, and the girls smile, before I turn to watch the cashier finish ringing up the person ahead of me. Then, instead of ringing mine, he GESTURES AT THE THREE GIRLS BEHIND ME and goes:)

Cashier: “You can go first.”

(I freeze, they freeze, and they stare at me with wide, surprised eyes. I have dealt with rude customers all day and am not going to be cut in front of, so I turn to the cashier.)

Me: *in a stern, but polite voice* “CAN they?”

Cashier: *stammers* “Well, I mean, if you’ll let them.”

(The girls from behind pipe up.)

Girls: “No! She was here first!”

(He just sighed and huffed, ringing my groceries up without issue. I paid for them and left. I get that he wanted to chat and flirt with the pretty girls, and not with the tired, chubby girl, but of all the NERVE!)

Will Have The Customers Steaming

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2018

(I work in a sub shop known for steaming the meat that goes on the sandwiches. We get a lot of pregnant women coming in because we steam the meat; however, it only reaches 140 Fahrenheit, not the 165 it is supposed to, so it’s fairly common for pregnant women to ask us to steam it twice. The owner is working today, and he is known for cutting corners to save time and money. We get a web order asking us to double-steam one of the sandwiches.)

Me: “Hey, do you want me to wait to toast the bread until the steamer goes once?”

Boss: “Nah, I’m not going to double-steam it, anyway.”

Me: “Uh, okay, but if you give some pregnant lady listeria, it’s all on you, dude.”

Boss: “Meh, I can live with it.”

(This was after he told us to only heat beef-based meatballs to 140 Fahrenheit, not the health department required 165. I no longer listen to him, and I just do things the right way.)

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