Not Calling Outside The Box

, , , | Working | January 21, 2018

(Most of our employees work remotely, so the majority of our communication happens via phone. My coworkers have a famous story about one employee, who’s a little quirky, who they can’t get a hold of one night. After multiple failed attempts to reach her, she finally calls back.)

Employee: “Hi, sorry I didn’t answer you before. My phone was in a pizza box!”

Not Compatible With Customer Service

, , , , , , | Working | January 21, 2018

(It’s been a while since I’ve had to buy ink for my printer, so I write down my printer’s information and go to the store. I find an ink cartridge box that claims to be compatible with my make and model. When I get home, I find that it’s not compatible at all, even though I double-checked the information on the box against my printer. So, I go back to the store.)

Me: “Hello, I’m afraid I need to make an exchange.”

Employee: “This ink has been opened. What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, it’s not compatible with my printer, despite what it says on the box.”

Employee: “You should really make sure it’s compatible before you open it.”

Me: “How? The box says it is, but the cartridge itself isn’t.”

Employee: “Maybe you should try actually reading the box instead of saying you did.”

Me: *sighs* “Look, I just want to exchange it for a cartridge that is compatible. Call a manager if you need to.”

Employee: “Or you can own up to your mistakes and just pay for a new one. I’m not returning this.”

Me: “I can also stand here and make a huge fuss until a manager comes over, anyway. Your choice.”

(The employee huffs and stalks off. A manager comes to the register. I explain it to him, I point out the make and model that says it is compatible with, and that I have a receipt, and that I would just like an ink cartridge that is compatible.)

Manager: “Oh, boy, one of these. Yeah, it seems a whole batch of these got the wrong compatibility instructions printed on the box. What’s your make and model? I can run and grab that for you in two minutes.”

(The transaction happens smoothly. As I’m walking away, the employee snipes:)

Employee: “Next time, read the box!”

Manager: “[Employee], come with me to the back, please…”

Cancelling Any Attempt At Customer Service

, , , , , | Working | January 20, 2018

(My mom and dad are in the middle of a messy divorce, and to add insult to injury, my dad has moved in with his mistress and is trying to cut all our services: Internet, insurance, etc. So, before that happens, I’m trying to transfer the accounts to my mom’s name so we don’t have to go through the hassle of equipment return and new accounts. I’m working on the Internet service, where this lovely young woman is sympathetic to our situation and is going to switch the names for us; she just needs my mother’s authorization. I ask her, since my mother is busy, if we can call back and have it arranged, and she says it is fine. A phone call later, I have this exchange with this guy.)

Me: “The lady told us we could just call back and get that changed.”

Employee: “I see. Unfortunately, I can’t do that. I can sign you up for a new package, though!”

Me: “Oh. I see. Wouldn’t our services be interrupted, though, and our equipment need to be returned?”

Employee: “Yes, that would happen, but I can get you a great deal on cable and Internet—”

(My mom and I aren’t willing to go through all that just for the same service. We already discussed that if they couldn’t do it we might as well look for another, cheaper provider, because the biggest appeal of staying with them is to not have our services interrupted.)

Me: “Well, actually, if that’s the case, I’m afraid we’re just going to have to cancel our current services and go elsewhere.”

Employee: “No, wait a minute. You don’t need to do all that. I’ve got a great deal here for you guys to sign up with a new plan—”

Me: *trying to be polite* “I appreciate your help. Thank you, but all we wanted was to change the name, so if that’s not possible, we’ll just have to cancel. We aren’t really looking to upgrade or anything like that. We’re happy with our current situation and want to keep it. But if we can’t, then we’ll just find something else.”

Employee: “Now you aren’t listening. I can sign you up for another—”

Me: “No. Thank you. But we really don’t want to do all that. We’ll just cancel and find another provider. Thank you, though—”

Employee: “Look, I’m trying to—”

Me: “Sir, if you can’t help us do what we want, then there’s nothing else to discuss.”

Employee: “Fine. But I tried to help you.”

Me: *losing all patience* “No. Actually. You didn’t, really.” *I hang up*

If Trump Was In Telephone Scams

, , , | Working | January 20, 2018

(My mom gets a phone call from someone claiming to be a credit card company.)

Scammer: “Do you recognize a transaction of $300 at [location] on [date]?”

Mom: “No.”

Scammer: “Well, I’m going to need your credit card number to verify your account.”

Mom: “How about this: why don’t I get your name and call [Credit Card Company] myself?”

Scammer: “F*** YOU! I HAVE A BIG C***!”

(My mom was so stunned she just hung up.)

The Last Jedi Meets The Last Straw

, , , , , , , | Working | January 19, 2018

Over the winter break I went to see the new Star Wars movie with my brother and his fiancée. I was staying with our parents for the break, and my brother and his fiancée live thirty minutes from there so we decided to meet at a theater halfway between those locations. Neither of us had been to it before.

Ten minutes before the movie was to end, three people walked in and sat in a row in front of us. They all took out their cell phones and started checking texts and Facebook, and chatting with each other. It was incredibly distracting. I finally decided to stand up and get a manager to deal with them. On my way back into the theater I leaned over their seats and told them a manager was on the way. They all leapt up like they were on fire. When they turned to face me, I realized they were all in their late teens or early twenties and were wearing uniforms. They worked for the theater.

It turns out they were the cleaning crew. When we exited the theater, they were all standing by the door, looking down at their feet.

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