Free Numbers Do Not Free Up Staff

, , , , , | Working | April 26, 2018

About six months ago, the company I work for decided to create a new small team to deal with what they call “pre-sales inquiries.” Basically, it is a product information line; they can help tell you if product X we sell is compatible with product Y, etc., or what the most suitable product would be for a certain installation, and where to buy or order them. The idea is to free up the Customer Services team to deal with inquiries from people who have already bought our products and have a problem with them.

I work in the technical side of the business, so I was asked to provision a Freephone number for this new team. Our Customer Service line is a low-cost, but still chargeable call, so this would be the only Freephone number in the business. Despite my protests, the management insisted; apparently it will encourage customers to buy our products if they can get free information. I can’t argue with that, but you can see the approaching issue, can’t you?

Sure enough, customers have now caught on to the fact that you can dial the Freephone number, and ask to be put through to customer service. The pre-sales team have been keeping a tally; this morning alone they have taken over 50 calls that were actually for customer service. Management still can’t understand what’s going on. They’ve asked to make sure all the websites have the correct numbers on. They do.

I’m Feeling Rather Toilet Myself

, , , , | Working | April 26, 2018

(I’ve just left my department to take a restroom break when a coworker from another department greets me.)

Coworker: “How ya doing, [My Name]?”

Me: “Bathroom.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Wait a sec. Did you say, ‘How ya doing?’ or, ‘Where ya going?'”

Coworker: “‘How ya doing?'”

Me: “Oh. Well, I guess, technically, the answer to both questions is the same.”

Backgrounded But Not Grounded

, , , | Working | April 26, 2018

I work in the data-entry department for a background screening company. Basically, you fill out an application with one of our clients, it gets sent to us, and we make sure everything on it is accurate. We search for criminal history and such, as well — a complete background history.

When entering applications, we have to enter items exactly as they are on the application.

Two of my favorites:

“Deploma” or some other misspelling of the word from someone with a Masters Degree.

A guy stated he made 2.7 million dollars a year as a crane operator.

The Neverending Prank

, , , , , | Working | April 26, 2018

Manager: “Hey, could you empty the extra hot water from this?” *hands me a tiny bucket and points to a giant metal box with a spout on the counter by the coffee machine*

Me: “Sure.” *starts filling bucket with water and pouring it into nearby sink*

(Five minutes later…)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]! [Manager] is being mean to you!”

Me: *still filling bucket and dumping water* “How so?”

Coworker: “That’s connected to the pipes. It refills itself. You’ll be there forever!”

Me: *stops filling bucket*

Manager: *flashes evil grin and cracks up*

Me: *feels like idiot*

(I was new.)

Getting Some Is A Rat Race

, , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2018

(I’m the unfortunate worker in this story. I work in pest control, and a law firm has had a rat problem. I lay down some traps discreetly, and go back a week later. There are two doorbells, one saying, “Receptionist,” and one saying, “Office.” I press the one for the receptionist and wait to be greeted, whilst getting my opening line of, “I’m here to do the rat traps,” ready in my head.)

Receptionist: “Hello?”

(At this exact moment my brain freezes and all I can remember is the word receptionist.)

Me: “Hi. I’m here to do the receptionist?” *cue awkward pause* “I MEAN THE RAT TRAPS! Sorry! I’m here to check the rat traps.”

Receptionist: *laughing* “That’s okay. Come in.”

(I quickly did what I had to before making a quick exit, making sure not to sexually harass any more receptionists.)

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