Singing Her Own Praises

, , , , , | Working | August 5, 2020

The manager of our local community centre is moving on to pastures new after seven years of sterling service, so naturally, the centre has been advertising for a new manager. The criteria for the job are pretty standard: applicants must have experience of managing a community centre or similar, must have a proven track record of fundraising, etc.

There have been a few… shall we say, interesting… applications, but a recent one was an absolute stand-out. The applicant, for some unfathomable reason, believed she was applying for a job as an Avon representative; Avon sells cosmetics door-to-door in the UK. The icing on the cake came under her list of qualifications, where she listed “Mother of a Musician and Singer” as being a suitable qualification for the position.

Those of us on the selection panel are still frantically scratching our heads trying to figure out on what planet “Mother of a Musician and Singer” has any bearing on the suitability of a candidate applying for a top management position at a community centre.

Sounds Like This Stud Has You Screwed

, , , , , | Working | August 5, 2020

I needed to get my car inspected for registration, so I went into one tyre store that does rego inspections. I was told the minor things that needed to be fixed — e.g., the number plate light — and that I’d also need new tyres.

Since they were a tyre store, I said that they could replace them.

Later that day, I got a call from one of the workers saying that a wheel stud had been sheared.

“Okay, how long until you get the replacement?” I asked.

“We’ve got some in stock; it’s going to cost you [price],” the worker said.

“Excuse me?” I said incredulously. “You broke the wheel stud; you have to replace it.”

This went back and forth for a while. Eventually, I got the manager to call me back.

This call did not go well.

“We take great care with all of our customers’ cars,” he claimed. Meanwhile, I could hear a rattle gun in the background definitely over-tightening a wheel nut.

The manager ended up yelling at me and hanging up. I came and got my car, and it took a call to the regional manager to get my replacement stud.

I found that they had sheared another stud and stripped one more when I got home.

After having to pay for two more studs, I took my car to the place I normally get my tyres and they replaced the tyres without incident, and for less money.

Expectations Out Of Alignment With Results

, , , , , , | Working | August 5, 2020

Last year, I had a mild concern about some creaking from the back end of my car. I went to the dealership, and they said they’d look at my suspension, but my tires had wear that was a sign of poor alignment and I agreed to let them align them.

The report came back reporting that all four tires were vastly out of camber, which they felt would explain any creaking noises. The service associate said this was beyond their ability to deal with and recommended that I talk to my insurance company and take it to a body shop, because that kind of camber misalignment probably means a bent frame on my one-year-old car that’s never had a wreck or any incident worse than low-speed tire damage.

Later in the process, I realized that they believed I’d had a wreck and wasn’t telling them about it, trying to scam them into taking the blame for frame damage. This is absurd; a wreck bad enough to bend the frame would cause massive body-panel damage or crack a wheel, but why let that get in the way of avoiding responsibility?

What I should have done is immediately take it to an unaffiliated shop to get the alignment checked and make sure it was as bad as they said. Silly me, I believed the dealership and called my insurance, which started six months of arguments over whose problem it was to repair the problem while I drove around in a car with serious alignment problems. The body shop didn’t want to touch it with no visible damage; the insurance company agreed and — after a lot of dead air from their side — said they weren’t going to cover something that didn’t come from a wreck I had, and it was the dealer’s problem to fix.

And so, I end up back at the dealership, insisting that they either fix the problem or make it right. They agree to look at it and figure out what it is going to take, and we’ll talk more at that point. Eight hours later, I am getting a little antsy to either get my car back or get a rental so I can go to work the next day.

Me: “Hey, it’s [My Name]; I’m just calling to find out what’s going on with my car.”

Service Advisor: “Oh, we haven’t started on it yet. You’re next in line; we should have it in the garage in about forty-five minutes.”

Me: “You haven’t even started yet? Look, I have to go get a rental if I’m not going to get my car back today, and they close in an hour. When do you close?”

Service Advisor: “We’re open until 7:00 pm, but the mechanic goes home at 5:00.”

Me: “He goes home in thirty minutes?! How is he going to get my car in the garage in forty-five?”

Service Advisor: “Is it that late? Oh. Well… let me call you back in twenty minutes.”

I put on my coat and start walking towards the nearest car rental, which is about a half-hour walk. I barely get down the block when my phone rings again.

Service Advisor: “Hey, your car is ready for pickup. We put it on the alignment machine and it looks perfect.”

Me: *Pause* “What?”

Service Advisor: “Yep, no problems at all; it’s in the green on all four wheels.”

Me: “Do you have the alignment report from my last visit there on the computer?”

Service Advisor: “Er… yes.”

Me: “How can it go from red on all four tires to green on all four without any repairs?”

Service Advisor: “I don’t really know, but it’s fine, so you don’t need any repairs.”

Me: *Pause* “I’ll be there in twenty minutes to pick it up.”

Thankfully, they didn’t charge me, but I got in my car and went directly to an unaffiliated shop nearby that mostly does custom lift kits and such and had them check my alignment. The results were perfect on all four tires.

So, that’s six months of heartburn I didn’t need to have, and the only thing I can think is that they had some kid doing the alignment check the first time, and he screwed it up somehow!

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It Takes A Snowflake To Know A Snowflake

, , , , , | Working | August 5, 2020

One day, in the breakroom, one of my coworkers loudly breaks out a REALLY sexist joke. The entire room goes dead silent while he is laughing and grinning around like he expects everyone, including several women, to join in on his fun. Finally, the guy he is talking to speaks up.

Coworker: “No, no, no. No. That isn’t funny.”

Sexist Coworker: “What? Man, it’s just a joke!”

Coworker: *Gesturing at the crowd* “And no one else is laughing, which means it is not a good one. Just… just don’t. That’s not okay.”

Sexist Coworker: *Starting to sound angry* “It’s humor! You just need to learn to not be so sensitive!”

Coworker: “Like the way you’re being sensitive over your joke falling flat?”

The sexist coworker didn’t have a response to that.

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Please, Please, PLEASE Read Your Emails!

, , , , , | Working | August 5, 2020

My boss is in his sixties, he’s a workaholic, and he is the OG weeaboo with a love for all things Japanese. He has a part-business, part-pleasure trip scheduled before the illness outbreak becomes a thing for two weeks in early March.

As the situation evolves, his VP begs him not to go, but he continues to insist on going, even as events are cancelled and the VP warns him he will be self-quarantined for two weeks upon his return. It is also important to note that he is a university professor and they had already warned him explicitly of the same treatment.

He goes anyway and classes are officially cancelled in his absence while we are put on a work-at-home leave. This first text message comes as he is in customs at one of the opened international airports:

Boss: “Hi. I want to have a meeting tomorrow with [Intern #1] and [Intern #2]. Will they be in the office?

VP: “NO, [Boss]! You are quarantined for two weeks! Check your f****** email!”

The kicker is that he was told about five separate times that no one would be in the office for this exact reason.

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