The Wheel Of Stupidity Keeps On Turning

, , , , , | Legal | January 15, 2020

(In Colorado, it is illegal to text and drive, but it is legal to talk on a cell phone or use a handheld device while driving if you are over 18. The officer in this story pulls over a driver who had his phone in one hand and a sports drink in the other.)

Officer: “You do realize you didn’t have any hands on the wheel, right?”

Driver: *in a tone that implies it’s his excuse* “Oh, but I was texting.”

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Voicemail Jail

, , , , | Legal | January 12, 2020

(I used to be a telephone operator for a telco. At one point, some customers in one exchange — for example area code 222, prefix 456 — begin having a problem. Someone in the exchange has set up an automated system that is sending them advertising voicemails — probably one of the forerunners of robocalling. This is in the days where basic voicemail has a capacity of ten messages. My coworkers and I have talked to managers about the complaints, but what is happening is not illegal. Then, one day, I have a caller who says that he is getting the voicemails every twenty minutes, so in a little over three hours, his mailbox is full and he cannot get any more. Ah-ha! I go back to my manager and relay what is happening to my caller.)

Manager: “We’ve talked about this before and there is nothing illegal happening.”

Me: “My customer loses the use of his voicemail box after three hours. Voicemail advertising may be legal, but a DOS attack is not.”

(My manager got a strange look on his face and reached for the phone. The problem stopped very soon after. I suspect he called legal.)

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Well, This Turned Into A Complete Wreck…

, , , , | Legal | January 9, 2020

A woman goes to my local grocery store and loads her cart up with food and goods. She goes right by the checkout and straight out of the store; she begins loading up her car with the stolen items. 

Right before she finishes, the manager and a security guard go out to confront her. Seeing them coming, the lady abandons what’s left in her cart. She dives into the driver’s seat and starts up the vehicle. Seeing she’s about to flee, the security guard yanks her back door open and jumps inside. The lady peels out of the parking lot, hitting the manager with her bumper as she does so — though at such a low speed no harm is done.

The security guard, still in her vehicle, makes demands that she stop the car or go back to the store. However, according to the lady, he tries to wrest control of the vehicle away from her. 

The car darts down the road, way over the speed limit, and to the highway without stopping at the light. An oncoming truck broadsides the vehicle, sending the shoplifter and the security guard careening into the concrete median. The vehicle is completely smashed.

The guard is ricocheted all around the back seat and knocked unconscious with a bleeding head injury. He winds up being life-flighted. A witness to the crash and the truck driver tell what they saw of the accident. However, the lady insists the security guard was trying to fight her for control of the vehicle and the crash is all his fault. 

The cops on the scene arrested her for abduction, but her lawyer is arguing that the security guard was at fault, that there’s no abduction since he forced himself into the vehicle, and that he should be charged with assault himself. With him still unconscious, all they have is her word to go on.

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Robbed Of Their Chance To Rob The Place

, , , | Legal | January 6, 2020

One day, while I am standing on the sidewalk, waiting for my ride, I see some junkie pull a knife on the cashier of a nearby pharmacy. Now, this wouldn’t be that surprising, except for the fact that there’s a police station right across the street from said pharmacy, just behind me. 

I don’t even get out my cellphone; I just tap on the window and point when a couple of the officers inside look up from their paperwork.

They realize what’s happening, bolt out of the door, run seven yards, and tackle the would-be robber. Idiot.

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The Year Ended With A Karmic Bang

, , , , , , | Legal | December 31, 2019

I am working at the main railway station in Helsinki during New Year’s night when I spot two teenagers lighting up firecrackers and throwing them onto the street where people are walking. I approach them and sternly tell them to stop as they could hurt someone.

While I approach, they are still lighting one up. They throw it without looking, and where else would it land but next to a police car that has just arrived on patrol?

I leave the kids to discuss their actions with the police.

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