Your Spanish Totally Sox

, , , | Friendly | September 27, 2018

(When my old roommate first moves to Mexico, he is worried because he doesn’t speak Spanish.)

Mexican Coworker: “You’ll be fine. Spell ‘socks.’”

Roommate: “S-O-C-K-S.”

Mexican Coworker: “See? You just said, ‘That which is, is,’ in Spanish; ‘Eso sí, que es.’ You’ll do fine.”

(A year later, I move in.)

Me: “I’m worried. I speak very little Spanish.”

Roommate: “Don’t worry; you’ll pick it up. Here. Spell ‘socks.’”

Me: “S-O-X.”

Roommate: “Then again, maybe you never will.”

(In my defense, it was an exciting baseball season that year.)

Playing A Game Of Jesus Tag

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 12, 2018

(I go to boarding school. I am visiting my roommate and her family for two weeks. I know that her parents are Christians, while I’m not myself. I haven’t told them that I’m not religious, as I’ve seen them be rude to others who aren’t religious, but other than that they are really nice. One day my roommate lets it slip that I’m an atheist. It does not go well.)

Friend’s Mom: “What? You’re not Christian? How can you not be?”

(I’m not quite sure what to say. I only know two people back home who are religious; one is a Christian and one is a Muslim.)

Me: “Well… I just don’t believe in a god or whatever.”

Friend’s Mom: “Have you not seen all the wonders in the world? How can you not believe in God?”

Me: “Uh… Well… I don’t believe in it because I’ve never really seen any wonders, I guess?”

(I just wanted this to be over with… I was not asking for her to defend her belief, so I didn’t see why I should have to defend mine. After a while we agreed to disagree, and she said she’d respect me, and my beliefs, if I respected hers. I thought that was it. A couple of weeks later, I was back home and suddenly got a Facebook notification. My friend’s mom had tagged me in something. I logged in and there was a picture saying how everyone is God’s children, and how everyone is really a Christian, even if they don’t know it. I decided not to react, as I didn’t want to start anything. A couple of days later I was tagged, yet again, in something. When I logged in there was a video — ten minutes long! — explaining why Christianity was the only true belief in the world. I got annoyed, and sent her a private message asking her to please stop tagging me. A day later, I was tagged yet again in one of those videos. At the same time, I was talking with my roommate, and I mentioned it to her. She said she’d talk to them. However, a couple of hours later I was tagged yet again! Seeing as how she had told me she would respect my beliefs, I was annoyed. I responded to her, in the Facebook post, that we had talked about this and if she didn’t respect my beliefs, then I wouldn’t respect hers. I also asked her, in the comment, to please stop tagging me. She did stop, but we have never again spoken. My roommate said she couldn’t believe her mom’s behavior. The funny thing is, my roommate is an atheist herself, but doesn’t dare to tell her mother that after seeing how her mom treated me.)

Pizza Is Life!

, , , , , | Friendly | August 6, 2018

(I live on campus in a dorm with three other friends, two of whom are twin sisters. [Twin #1] has a habit of talking in her sleep. I am chilling in the living room of our dorm with my roommate. [Twin #1] is napping, and [Twin #2] is not home at the moment.)

Twin #1: “[Twin #2]! Hey, [Twin #2]!”

(Hearing the shouting, [Roommate] and I go into the twins’ room to investigate. [Twin #1] is still calling out for her sister, sound asleep.)

Roommate: “[Twin #2] isn’t here. What can we do for you?”

Twin #1: “I want… pizza.”

Roommate: *trying not to laugh loudly and wake her* “What kind of pizza do you want, [Twin #1]?”

Twin #1: *pauses* “LIFE PIZZA.”

(She then fell back into her quiet nap while our roommate and I cracked up laughing. [Twin #1] doesn’t remember saying anything, but several years after graduation, we still haven’t let her forget!)

It’s A (Lint) Trap!

, , , | Friendly | July 31, 2018

(The summer after my freshman year of college, I decide to live in an apartment with three other girls from my school. One of them is a fellow freshman, and the other two are upperclassmen who have already been living in the apartment for a few months. On my first day off work while living in the apartment, I do some laundry with the in-unit washer. But when I want to put my clothes in the dryer, I can’t find the lint trap. Only one of my roommates is home at the time, and she’s about to leave for work. She’s one of the ones who’s been living here for a while.)

Me: “Hey, [Roommate]? Where’s the lint trap?”

Roommate: “Oh, there isn’t one!”

Me: “There isn’t a lint trap?”

Roommate: “Yeah! It’s because the apartment complex got those new energy-efficient dryers.”

Me: “But that has nothing to do with lint!”

Roommate: “It’s amazing what they can make things do nowadays, isn’t it? Anyway, I’ve got to run!”

(She left for work before I could say anything else. After a bit of investigating, I found that there was a lint trap, hidden in an awkward place at the back of the dryer. My roommates had been ignoring it for so long that it was clogged with compacted lint. It took 30 minutes to pull it all out so I could dry my clothes. Afterward, my roommates were amazed at how much better the dryer worked. I was just amazed they hadn’t started a fire.)

A Light-Hearted Roommate

, , , | Friendly | July 30, 2018

(I return from the movies to find my roommate asleep on the couch with the TV and all the lights on. I turn off the overhead light and leave on just the corner lamp so the contrast from the TV isn’t too harsh.)

Roommate: *waking up* “Hey! I’m sleeping! Turn off the light!”

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