Will Not Tire Of This Story

, , , | Friendly | December 9, 2018

(My twin brother is mentally handicapped, so he lives in a complex which provides housing and work for people like him. One day, I am visiting. His roommates are watching a reality show about driving. The most talkative roommate starts chatting with me.)

Me: “Those people are making a mess of it, aren’t they?”

Roommate: “Yes. I once saw a car that was wrongly parked.”

Me: “Oh, did you?”

Roommate: “Yeah. So I put a note on it, ‘Sir, you are not allowed to park here.’”

Me: “Ha! Serves him right.”

Roommate: “And then I slashed all four of his tires.”

New Addition To The Millennium Trilogy: The Girl With The Twitter Account

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 7, 2018

(It’s Halloween night. I live in college residence, so a lot of people are trick-or-treating with their neighbours, and milling around to check out each other’s costumes and decorations. I bump into one of my roommate’s friends. She’s dressed a bit punk or goth, but not as a costume.)

Roommate’s Friend: *joking* “I’m dressed as a serial killer.”

Me: *looking at her outfit* “No, you’re dressed as Lisbeth Salander!”

(Lisbeth Salander is the protagonist of the Millennium trilogy, most famously “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”)

Roommate’s Friend: “Yeah! Wait… How did you… Have you been stalking my Twitter?”

Me: *confused* “No?”

Roommate’s Friend: “Then… How did you know I… said that I…”

Me: “I didn’t…”

Roommate’s Friend: “Then how did you know I look like Lisbeth Salander?”

Me: “Because I’ve read the book and seen the movie?”

Roommate’s Friend: “Oh! I thought you were stalking my Twitter, because I literally just posted, ‘If anyone asks, I’m dressed as Lisbeth Salander.'”

An Alarming Lack Of Consideration

, , , , , | Learning | October 27, 2018

(I have classes that start before 9:30 am every weekday except Wednesday. My roommate has a nearly identical schedule, but his girlfriend who sleeps over often, even though she lives in a room by herself, does not. Lately, my alarms have not been going off, causing me to either be late for classes or miss them entirely. Since these are classes that relate to my major, I need to get good grades for these classes. One morning after waking up and being late for class again, I come back to my room to my roommate’s girlfriend waking up.)

Roomie’s Girl: “You need to stop letting your alarms go off so long.”

Me: “What? They haven’t even been going off.”

Roomie’s Girl: “Yeah, they have. I wake up every freaking morning and turn them off, because you can’t be bothered to wake up from them.”

Me: *instantly irritated* “YOU’RE TURNING MY ALARMS OFF?”

(It turned out my alarms had been going off, but only for a few seconds before she would turn them off. I don’t wake up right away, but it doesn’t take more than 30 seconds, often less. So, in her mind, turning off my alarms and NOT waking me up so that I could make my classes on time, so that she could sleep in, was acceptable. She is now prohibited to be in my roommate’s and my room or else she will be charged with disruption.)

Your Spanish Totally Sox

, , , | Friendly | September 27, 2018

(When my old roommate first moves to Mexico, he is worried because he doesn’t speak Spanish.)

Mexican Coworker: “You’ll be fine. Spell ‘socks.’”

Roommate: “S-O-C-K-S.”

Mexican Coworker: “See? You just said, ‘That which is, is,’ in Spanish; ‘Eso sí, que es.’ You’ll do fine.”

(A year later, I move in.)

Me: “I’m worried. I speak very little Spanish.”

Roommate: “Don’t worry; you’ll pick it up. Here. Spell ‘socks.’”

Me: “S-O-X.”

Roommate: “Then again, maybe you never will.”

(In my defense, it was an exciting baseball season that year.)

Playing A Game Of Jesus Tag

, , , , , , | Friendly | August 12, 2018

(I go to boarding school. I am visiting my roommate and her family for two weeks. I know that her parents are Christians, while I’m not myself. I haven’t told them that I’m not religious, as I’ve seen them be rude to others who aren’t religious, but other than that they are really nice. One day my roommate lets it slip that I’m an atheist. It does not go well.)

Friend’s Mom: “What? You’re not Christian? How can you not be?”

(I’m not quite sure what to say. I only know two people back home who are religious; one is a Christian and one is a Muslim.)

Me: “Well… I just don’t believe in a god or whatever.”

Friend’s Mom: “Have you not seen all the wonders in the world? How can you not believe in God?”

Me: “Uh… Well… I don’t believe in it because I’ve never really seen any wonders, I guess?”

(I just wanted this to be over with… I was not asking for her to defend her belief, so I didn’t see why I should have to defend mine. After a while we agreed to disagree, and she said she’d respect me, and my beliefs, if I respected hers. I thought that was it. A couple of weeks later, I was back home and suddenly got a Facebook notification. My friend’s mom had tagged me in something. I logged in and there was a picture saying how everyone is God’s children, and how everyone is really a Christian, even if they don’t know it. I decided not to react, as I didn’t want to start anything. A couple of days later I was tagged, yet again, in something. When I logged in there was a video — ten minutes long! — explaining why Christianity was the only true belief in the world. I got annoyed, and sent her a private message asking her to please stop tagging me. A day later, I was tagged yet again in one of those videos. At the same time, I was talking with my roommate, and I mentioned it to her. She said she’d talk to them. However, a couple of hours later I was tagged yet again! Seeing as how she had told me she would respect my beliefs, I was annoyed. I responded to her, in the Facebook post, that we had talked about this and if she didn’t respect my beliefs, then I wouldn’t respect hers. I also asked her, in the comment, to please stop tagging me. She did stop, but we have never again spoken. My roommate said she couldn’t believe her mom’s behavior. The funny thing is, my roommate is an atheist herself, but doesn’t dare to tell her mother that after seeing how her mom treated me.)

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