Eye See Death

, , , , , | | Healthy | May 21, 2018

(A customer and her husband have walked in and I go over to help them find some glasses. During our conversation, I ask the wife if they’ve seen an optometrist, as we have one on staff that accepts walk-ins.)

Customer: “Yes, we’ve already seen an optometrist. Several, actually. It took us a long time to find one that we like.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad that you found one that you liked.”

Customer: “Yes, they were all so awful. One was so bad that we had to report him to the Board of Optometrists!”

(I usually avoid getting into the politics and gossip regarding other optometrists, so I try to keep my response vague. The wife seems to be getting more agitated the more she talks about it.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear about that.”

Customer: “Well, I heard he’s dead now, anyway, so that’s good!”

Me: “Wow… That’s actually really horrible.”

Customer: “Oh. I guess I shouldn’t say things like that, should I?”

(The customer shrugged and turned to ask her husband a question, completely unfazed. I’ve worked all kinds of retail over 15 years now, and I’ve never heard something so awful come out of someone’s mouth before. I left them alone to look and never helped the couple again.)

Flagged Down The Right Guy

, , , , , | Friendly | May 16, 2018

(I am volunteering at a major international sporting event as a venue host, so I answer customer’s questions, show them to their seats, etc. All the flags of the participating nations in this particular event are hanging from the ceiling of the venue. I am also a huge geography nerd.)

Customer: “Excuse me; do you which country has that white and maroon flag?”

Me: “That is Latvia.”

Customer: “Oh. What about that red, green, and white one?”

Me: “That’s Belarus.”

Customer: “Did you guys have to memorize all this stuff?”

Me: “No, sir, you just happened to ask the right person about this stuff.”

Can’t Skate Around This Entitlement

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2018

(I am standing at the service area of my sporting goods store, where bikes and skis get tuned, racquets are strung, and skates are sharpened. A customer walks up holding skates.)

Me: “Hi there. Skate sharpening?”

Customer: “It looks like it.”

Me: “Okay, it’s going to be around two hours.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? I come here all the time, and it only takes 45 minutes! You guys can do it right now!”

Me: “Unfortunately, our service area is based on first-come-first-serve, so there is quite a bit of work ahead of you right now.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see any skates; what is he working on?”

Me: “He is currently working on a couple racquets, and he has some skis to work on.”

Customer: “I want you guys to do mine first. Why should I have to wait?”

Me: “If we put you before the other customers, they will be just as mad, if not more, because they will have been waiting longer, just to be told they have to wait even more.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a problem your manager can deal with when it happens!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you will either have to wait, or go somewhere else.”

Customer: “This is bulls***. I’m contacting the store manager.” *storms off*

Your Complaint Is Going Down The Toilet

, , , , , , | Working | May 1, 2018

(It is our annual Christmas luncheon. I work for a decently large retail and pharmacy company at the warehouse that supplies all our store locations. Our executive vice-president and chief operating officer is in attendance, giving a speech thanking all our temporary workers. He says if they have any comments to please not hesitate. A temp worker then raises his hand, so our COO lets him speak.)

Temp: “Yeah, since you’re here, I have a complaint to make. The toilet paper in the warehouse is pretty rough. I’ve been next door, and theirs seems softer, so I was wondering if we could get better toilet paper here, because I have to go like three times a day and my a** is getting pretty sore.”

(Our COO, fortunately, handles it pretty tactfully.)

Chief Operating Officer: “Well, I’m sorry to hear your bottom has been hurt, but I assure you that at head office we use the same toilet paper, so we’re all in it together.”

Unable To Find An Opening

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2018

(This restaurant opens at 8:30 for breakfast. On weekends, it is usually full up with a line by 8:45, so my partner and I arrive about 8:15 to get there before the rush. We stand outside reading. There are two workers inside getting ready. At 8:20, a man arrives and starts banging hard on the door. The women inside ignore him for a minute, but then he starts yelling.)

Man: “Open up! Come on; I’m waiting!”

Waitress: *opening the door a crack* “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t open for another ten minutes, and we need the time to get ready. Please just wait in line behind these ladies.”

Man: “But you’re in there already. I want to sit down and start drinking coffee!”

Waitress: “The coffee isn’t ready yet. It’ll just be a few more minutes; then we can let you in.”

Man: “That’s bulls***! You’re in there already! I was going to meet six buddies here, but now I’m going to call them and tell them to meet me somewhere else. You’re losing a lot of business!”

Waitress: “Okay.”

(The man stalks off. The three of us watch him get in his car and drive away.)

Waitress: *turning to us and opening the door wide* “Would you ladies like to wait inside?”

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