Human Produced Alcohol Would Be The Yeast Of Your Worries

, , , , , , | Learning | September 11, 2019

(I am taking Biology 12. Biology 11 was focused on basic principles — plant, animal, fungal biology, principles of evolution, cells — and Bio 12 is Human Anatomy. We are reviewing basic principles when the teacher asks the class:)

Teacher: “Think back to last year; when cells use sugar, they make ATP and…?”

Student: *cautiously answers* “Alcohol?”

Teacher: *without missing a beat* “No, no, sweetie. No, you’re not a yeast.”

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Unfiltered Story #161898

, , , | Unfiltered | September 2, 2019

A guest calls up and asks for a refund. When they checked in they could not get to their guest room by elevator because the elevators were out. They decided not to stay and were not charged. They would like a comp room night because they were not told that there was stair access to the guest floors.. from the lobby… in a building with more than 1 floor… in the modern world. Sadly they did not take it so well when I put to then quite so plainly. They called me a pion. I said, in my mind, to call them stupid would have been an insult to stupid people everywhere.

A Nail-Biting Conclusion

, , , , | Legal | August 31, 2019

(As I’m sitting bored at an intersection with a long red light, a police officer appears and knocks on my driver’s side window. I jump and roll down my window.)

Officer: “Ma’am, you can’t be texting and driving.”

(He’s pulling out his ticket book but faltering as there’s nothing in my hands and, as he obviously startled me, there was no way I could have hidden my phone without him seeing.)

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Me: “Nothing. I wasn’t doing anything.”

Officer: “Where’s your phone?”

Me: “I don’t know. I think it’s in my purse behind my seat.”

(The light’s green but I can’t go and the cars behind me are trapped because of the parked cars beside me.)

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Me: “I wasn’t doing anything.”

Officer: “What were you looking at?”

Me: *pauses to think* “My nails. I bite my nails.”

(Seems I was looking down at my fingers, absently deciding which one to munch on, and it looked like I was texting. The officer stood there for a moment or two, trying to figure out how to give me a ticket for biting my nails, but then disappeared back into his hiding spot. The light was red again and I had to sit there and wait for another cycle.)

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Some People Must Have Some Hangups About Hanging Up  

, , , , , , | Right | August 22, 2019

(I don’t wait well. I get really antsy and frustrated when waiting in a line at a store, so I’ve started conversing with my friends over the phone, often through text, but sometimes talking. When it comes to my turn at the register where a friend and I are talking, I sign off with them and step up. More and more I get:)

Cashier: “Did you just hang up?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “To pay?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cashier: “Oh, my God! Here, have 10% off.”

Me: “That’s really not necessary.”

(Seven times so far! I’m not going to start doing this just to get the discount, but man, others must be annoying.)


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Unfiltered Story #160180

, , , | Unfiltered | August 21, 2019

Me: mid-evening at deli in a grocery store setting, serving a special of roast beef with “two sides”.

Customer reacting to my co-worker getting a potato serving (one “side”) for her customer: “Stop her! She’s taking all the potatoes! You’re just giving me the scraps!”

(Customer clearly feels he has the right to take out his bad mood/frustrations on me.)

Regardless …

Me: “Can I give you an extra helping of roast beef and, instead of charging you $15.99, I’ll give it to you for $10.99?”
(Note: I gave him DOUBLE the roast beef serving, and charged him $10.99.)

Customer: “You’re giving me the scraps! I’ll never come here again!”

Well, he came again … and again …

Greedy, greedy, greedy human being!!!