I recently visited Germany. Unfortunately, I became extremely ill during the trip and had to quickly change my travel plans to go home early. I was alone and barely capable of standing, never mind deciphering transit in a foreign language. As such, I was at… probably… the right boarding platform with a ticket I didn’t really understand, except that it had Frankfurt as the destination.

I approached another traveller who looked like he knew what he was doing.

Me: “Excuse me, do you speak English?”

Traveller: “Yes.”

Me: “Great, could you please help me? I’m not familiar with the transit here.”

Traveller: “Um, okay, what do you need?”

Me: “Just two things. First, this is my ticket. Am I at the right platform?”

Traveller: “Yes, this is the train to Frankfurt.”

Me: “Thanks. And the other thing, I think this ticket is second class, where should I board?”

Traveller: “Just board anywhere.”

Me: “Are there not first and second class on this train? Doesn’t it matter what end I board at?”

Traveller: “No, just sit anywhere, it’s fine.”

Me: “Awesome, thank you very much.”

A little while later, the train came, and I boarded in the middle. As I was walking, looking for a seat, it quickly became clear to me that I was in first class. I wound up walking from the middle of the train to one end, concluded that second class must be at the other end, and doubled back. 

As I was still moving back through first class, I saw two transit police escorting the traveller off the train. I inferred from this that when he said “just sit anywhere,” he meant “I am a fare jumper, and I don’t even have a ticket, so what are you worrying about?” To this day, I wonder if I drew attention to him or broke his flow or something.

This story reminded me of my own occurrence where a former boss of mine emailed me out of the blue to raise what she considered a genuine complaint received from her colleagues about me.

Bit of backstory now. I work as a Revenue Protection Officer for a train station at an airport. Part of my duties is to ensure passengers are traveling with valid tickets or at least have proof that they have a ticket in their possession.

What I quickly found out was that on the first train into the airport, a lot of my former colleagues in my former job (flight attendants) would not buy a ticket. This changed when we installed automatic gates at the airport, and so now, what we find is that after this train pulls into the station, you will see maybe two or three chancers (opportunists) standing around, in full flight attendant uniform, looking at their phones. This is a dead giveaway that they are buying a ticket in order to get through the barriers.

It’s important to note that should you not notice this occurring, the barriers will open on a chancer scanning through. That is why we have devices that pick up the timestamp when the ticket was bought. This then falls under the parameter of the Penalty Fare scheme; they did not have a ticket for their journey.

Apparently, I’ve picked up a reputation in my old base for penalising chancers if and when I catch one. I woke up yesterday morning to the following email from my former boss. HR was also tagged in the email.

Former Boss: “Hello [My Name],

I hope this email finds you well.

I am emailing you today to make you aware of certain complaints raised about your conduct in penalising staff members traveling to the airport via train at [Train Station].

I would like to remind you, [My Name], that asking our staff for proof of address, their full name, or access to their personal details is a breach of their GDPR. I will ask you to please cease this behaviour immediately, or we will be compelled to seek legal action against you.

Kindest Regards,
[Former Boss’s Name].”

To explain the context of this email. Asking fare evaders for proof of address, details including their names, or a bank statement to confirm legitimacy, is a protected enforcement protocol as per the Railway Bylaws of 2014. It’s also worth mentioning that not carrying a valid ticket, when you have the option to buy it at the initial station, is not strictly a Penalty Notice event. If you have the ability and are qualified as such to do so, you can, as a Revenue Protection Officer, issue a Court Summons document.

My rights to investigate, therefore, are totally valid; she has no power to suggest otherwise.

Having said that, I could not help but laugh when I read this email. Who the f*** does my previous boss think she is? I decided after a while to reply. I cc’d my boss and my company’s HR team as well to make them aware of this email.

Me: “[Former Manager]

I must say, I am ever so slightly appalled by this demand.

As I am sure you will agree, as a fellow professional in the transportation industry, when you use public transport, you are agreeing to that company’s terms and conditions, or even its conditions of carriage, would state in no uncertain terms that you, as the passenger, pay for the services rendered or otherwise face the consequence of a penalty fare.

On that note, I would like to inform you that a penalty fare is, by all means, a civil order for fare evasion. The actual consequences range from court hearings and potential criminal charges, which, in respect of your employees, would therefore mean termination. I would like you to consider that going forward.

If I, as a Revenue Officer, find that on a very regular occurrence your staff are traveling without the valid means to justify their usage of [Train Company], then they are, by law, subject and liable to a penalty. Given that this ‘behaviour’ is totally in line with my responsibilities as a [Train Company] employee, I simply will not cease this activity.

As I am sure you will understand, the fact is that your staff continue to deliberately not abide by what any person would understand is common sense – I would not be able to get on board a plane today without buying a ticket for it first. It is the same policy that applies to the trains.

Having said that, I would now consider this matter dealt with and closed. If you have any further complaints or observations, feel free to submit them to the attached email addresses.

Have a wonderful day,
[My Name].”

Not surprisingly, I did not get a reply from her or her HR team. My boss thought my response was hilarious, though.

In the UK, a ‘sausage roll’ is a sausage wrapped in pastry. A well-known bakery chain made the news for adding a vegan version a few years ago.

They also sell fresh bread rolls with vegan sausages, which you collect pre-made from a display. Non-vegan ones are ordered at the counter. My husband and I were trying to buy breakfast:

Me: “Please can I have a bacon roll and a black coffee?”

Husband: “And can I have a flat white and a vegan sausage roll?”

Server: “Yes, that’s fine. That will be [total].”

Husband: “Great, I’ll just grab it.” *He steps away, grabs it, and puts it on the counter.*

Server: *Seeing the roll.* “Oh, did you want to add that, too?”

Husband: “No, that’s the vegan sausage roll.”

Server: “No, it isn’t. These are vegan sausage rolls.” *Points to pastry-wrapped sausage on the counter in front of her.*

Husband: “Oh, okay.”

Server: *Annoyed.* “I’ll have to get someone to void this. Hold on.” *Her colleague comes over to do the voiding.* “You need to ask for the right thing. These are the vegan sausage rolls.”

Me: “Okay, so I get it right next time, what should we call this?”

Server: “That’s a vegan… sausage… roll.” *Moment of silence.* “But this is a vegan sausage roll.” *Points at counter again.* 

We look at each other for a moment, and I decide to take pity on her and the people standing behind us in the queue.

Me: “Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.”

Server: *Muttering to herself as she enters the order.* “Bacon roll, black coffee, flat white, vegan sausage roll.“ *Embarrassed pause in which she carefully doesn’t make eye contact.* “It’s ready for you to pay.”

I’m working the train station information desk during the midweek morning rush. A man storms up with a crumpled paper ticket in hand and a full head of steam.

Customer: “I missed the 8:12 to Birmingham. I need you to hold the next one for me.”

Me: “…You mean the 8:27?”

Customer: “Yes. Hold it. I need to grab coffee first.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t hold trains.”

Customer: “Why not? Planes wait for people. Buses wait. Just radio the driver and tell him to wait a few extra minutes. It’s not that hard.”

Me: “This is a national rail network, not your Uber.”

Customer: “So you’re saying you won’t even try? That’s customer service these days? No effort?”

Me: “Sir, I can announce delays, not become one.”

Customer: “Bloomin’ useless!”

He still went to get his coffee. We had a café on the platform, but he seemed to be interested in leaving the station to go get a Starbucks, hence missing the last train… and the next one.

Many years ago, I was on site during the filming of a safety video that showed exactly what happens if your car is on the tracks at a level crossing when a train comes through.

If you were in the UK and a fan of a certain motoring programme, you probably saw it. What you didn’t see was the unedited stuff where the presenter was genuinely shocked at how little there was left of the car afterward, and how the train didn’t have any marks at all. (We used a decommissioned unmanned train for it, using another train to push it up to speed first)

So years later, I’m still at the railway, and a new member of staff comes in. He’s got opinions about how he rushes across the lines in his car all the time, rather like this story.

The video is shown to him, and he scoffs.

New Guy: “Oh, that’s all fake and done with CGI. Trains don’t go that fast, and my car has a good safety rating, so I’d be fine.”

Me: “That wasn’t faked. I was there when they filmed it, and if anything, it was worse than what was shown.”

New Guy: “Yeah, right, and people die on level crossings all the time, right? No, nobody does, it’s all made up.”

Result? New guy does NOT get certified to go trackside (thinking trains aren’t dangerous is a huge NO) and gets dismissed from his job.

Saw him on Facebook today, he’s still ranting about how the railway is full of conspiracies that he was fired for ‘finding out the truth’.