As Long As The Dog Is Happy, That’s All We Care About

, , , , , | Legal | January 13, 2021

This story takes place shortly after I am hired for my first job as a police officer. The city that hired me has a mandatory leash law for dogs. Sadly, some of my fellow officers have recently ended up shooting a few nuisance dogs, which has been spun in an effort to show that our department hates dogs.

One day, while I’m walking around my patrol area — in full uniform and with a running body camera — a large puppy turns the corner ahead of me, sees me, and sprints over in a rush of puppy excitement. The pup seems friendly and well-trained — at least for a puppy — and it’s wearing a collar, so after getting it to sit, I give it a scratch and kneel down to read the tag on the collar.

Suddenly, a woman turns the same corner the pup came from and starts sprinting over, screaming.

Woman: “Get away from my dog! Don’t you dare hurt him!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s okay. He’s a friendly guy. I’m just taking a look at his tag.”

Woman: “Just let him go! He hasn’t done anything!”

Me: “The only thing I’m seeing wrong is that he doesn’t have a leash.”

Woman: “I have it right here.”

She pulls a leash out of her sweatshirt pocket and clips it to the pup’s collar.

Me: “Did he escape from your yard or something?”

Woman: “No, we were taking a walk. He likes to move faster than I do, so I let him off his leash so he can wander more. He doesn’t usually go this far away from me.”

Me: “Well, ma’am… based on that, I’m going to have to give you a citation for not having a leash on him.”

Woman: “You can’t do that! I didn’t know about the leash law, and I had a leash right here! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

Me: *While writing out the citation* “Unfortunately, you just admitted that you intentionally let your dog walk without a leash. That’s illegal in [City], so I have to write a citation.”

Woman: *With a smug look now* “Well, he has a leash now, so you can’t prove anything!”

Me: “Ma’am, all [City] police officers wear body cameras. You and your dog have been on camera this entire time. I need your information for the citation.”

She glared at me and refused to give me her information, so I knelt down and started reading her name, address, and telephone number off the pup’s tag, making sure to hold the tag in a position where my body camera would get a good recording of it. When the woman realized what I was doing, she scoffed, dragged the pup away from me, and refused to take the completed citation when I tried to hand it to her.

She tried to fight the citation in court, but my body camera footage of the entire incident was more than enough for the judge to rule that the citation was legitimate.

On a happy note: a few months after her court appearance, the woman was arrested for some unrelated crimes and sentenced to a prison term. Because she lived alone and had nobody to take care of her now-adult dog, he was taken to a local animal shelter. Shortly after, he was adopted by another local family who have taken excellent care of him and his leash. I still see the dog most days when I’m on patrol, and I have started carrying a few dog treats in my pockets for him and the other friendly dogs in the neighborhood.


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I Guess We Both Get To Sit Here Forever, Park-Camper!

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 9, 2021

This happens more than ten years ago when I’m barely thirteen and my family has just moved from the southern USA to the North East. We arrive in mid-February, just two days before a massive nor’easter hits, dumping just about a foot of snow. My mom is from the area, so she knows how to deal with this. My little brother and I do not. He was born in the south and we moved there when I was just six months old, so both of us are just this side of useless when it comes to snow, having never seen more than five inches our whole lives.

The day after the storm, my brother and I have to get to school. We wake up extra early and spend the better part of two hours shoveling our sidewalk, digging out the car, and clearing out the parking space — there’s street parking only on this block.

When we’re finally done, my mom marks her parking space with a chair. It’s common practice up here to save your space, because people who have lived here forever and know what happens every winter will still refuse to shovel their own space and use whatever is available, no matter who shoveled it.

We pile into my mom’s little Audi. While waiting for it to warm up, we see a big Hummer screech to a halt behind us and flip his blinker on. He’s clearly waiting for us to leave so he can take our spot. My mom isn’t having this. She shifts the car back into park, turns the blinker off, and waits for him to leave. 

After a few minutes of waiting, we can see the guy getting more and more frustrated. He’s gesturing at my mom, banging his steering wheel, laying on his horn for twenty-plus seconds at a time. He’s just so ANGRY he can’t have the spot all the way down the block from his house that HE DIDN’T DO ALL THE WORK FOR.

Finally, after about five minutes, he gets out and storms up to the driver’s side window. My mom barely cracks it.

Mom: “Yes, can I help you?”

Angry Guy: “YOU NEED TO F****** MOVE THIS PIECE OF S*** RIGHT THE F*** NOW!”

Mom: “Oh? Is there a plow coming or something?”

Angry Guy: “NO, YOU STUPID B****! I’M TRYING TO F****** PARK AND GO HOME! NOW F****** MOVE! NOW!”

Mom: *Laughing* “Yeahhhh, I don’t think so. We just spent half the morning shoveling this spot. I am legally parked in front of my house, and I know you know the common courtesy in this state of not parking in a spot you didn’t clear and didn’t claim. So you can go shovel out in front of your own house!”

She rolled the window up and pretended to answer her phone. The angry guy stood out there in around twenty degrees Fahrenheit having a Grade-A hissy fit — screaming, stomping, banging on the car window, and even throwing snowballs at the windshield. That one made us laugh, which only made him angrier. His face was so hot I think there was actual steam coming off of his cheeks. 

Ten whole minutes later, he finally got in his car and slammed on the gas. The satisfying ending? D**khead had left his car going so long he ran out of gas and had to call a tow truck. We were late for school. Totally worth it.


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Lighter On Their Wallets

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 21, 2020

It is a week before Christmas and my mom is visiting from out of state. My roommate, my mom, and I decide to keep with tradition and go to one of the better Christmas light displays. We are really excited! Money is tight, but I happen to know that this show is the cheapest one in town. We load ourselves into the car and, singing merrily, head out to see the lights.

To our horror, when we get to the venue, the price is more than double what we expected! We are crushed; it’s more than any of us can afford.

At just that moment, a man leaving the venue, kid in his arms and another running along playfully in front of him, flags us down. He explains that he has an extra ticket; he bought the family pack but not everyone could go, and he asks if we would like it. My mom, surprised by his generosity, gratefully accepts the ticket. As the man walks away with his cute kids, my mom looks at the ticket in her hands. Paging through the paper ticket, we belatedly realize that the man has given us, not one, but three whole tickets! It’s enough for all of us to get into the light show!

We were never able to catch up to the man to thank him enough for his gift, but he brought such love and happiness to our little group. Thank you, kind sir, and I hope that whenever you are now, you know you were our Christmas Miracle!


This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for December 2020!

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Ooh, Baby, I’m In Love!

, , , | Friendly | December 6, 2020

I’m a female military veteran with minor hearing loss. It’s not bad enough that I need a hearing aid, but if there’s a lot of surrounding noise and you’re far away speaking quietly, I won’t pick it up. One day, I’m walking back from the library and I get to the stretch of road before I make a turn. On the other side is a man, who I think is speaking into a phone.

Man: “Uricerest.”

Between his accent and being on the other side of the road, I think I just can’t understand him, and anyway, it’s not my business as he’s on the phone. I keep walking, and then he speaks again.

Man: “Uricerest!”

Again, I think he’s on the phone, and this is all just ambient noise to me. I get to the corner and turn down the street when suddenly, I hear someone shout.

Man: “B****! I’M TRYING TO GIVE YOU A COMPLIMENT!”

At this point, I was well around the corner and when I turned around, I couldn’t see anyone, so I assumed he was yelling at someone on his phone. I got home and started puttering around when my brain clicked and I realized he was cat-calling me, saying, “You got nice breasts.” And he got pissed because I ignored his compliment (in his mind). All I could do was laugh for about five minutes.

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This Just In: People Are Rude

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2020

Unfortunately, I have been unemployed for a while. I decide to start to deliver a free Sunday newspaper to earn some extra money. Usually, the company demands that all papers be delivered by noon, but preferably ten am.

Many people, mostly elderly, wait impatiently for it.

One Sunday, the printing company has some issues and the paper is delivered late to me, so they give me three pm that day. Many people wonder why the paper wasn’t delivered on time but when I explain, most people understand.

Two weeks later, there is a heavy snowstorm and the paper is only brought to me at noon. Due to the weather, the company gives me until seven pm.

So, as I am rolling my newspaper trolley through the snow, one customer runs toward me and starts to complain.

Customer #1: “This is the second time that you have delivered the paper so late. I will miss all the advertisements for free stuff because of your lazy butt! No wonder you don’t have a real job!”

Sadly, similar encounters happen a few times that day.

Customer #2: “Are you even able to read the newspaper or are you too dumb for it?”

Then, some religious group stops me.

Customer #3: “If you have some time, we would like to pray for your poor soul, that you would find a better job.”

Me: “The papers don’t deliver themselves. But if you’d like, you could help me.”

They just looked at me with disgusted expressions and ran off.

Luckily, after two weeks, I found a new job.

I still can’t understand how people can act so rude over a free newspaper.

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