They’ll Let Just Anyone Move In These Days

, , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: Look_Significant | June 8, 2021

I’m a teenager walking my dog, and I pass [Man #1], who is black, washing a Mercedes and an Audi, and [Man #2], who is white, smoking. I turn then and see what appears to be moving trucks, and I choose to go see if the new neighbors are there to introduce myself. As I do so, a car pulls up near the house and a woman gets out.

Me: “Hi! Are you moving in?”

Woman: “Hi! Yes, I just came to check on the person moving out and check on the house.”

Me: “Oh, that’s cool. Well, I’ll see you around, then!”

My dog and I do our rounds through the neighborhood and come back. I see the two men again, and the new woman. The woman spots [Man #2].

Woman: “Is smoking allowed in this neighborhood?”

Man #2: “Yes, safely on your own property.”

The woman scoffs and then turns and sees [Man #1] washing his cars. I have begun walking away at this point when I hear a screech. I turn around in terror to see the woman screaming at [Man #1].

Woman: “WHO DID YOU STEAL THOSE FROM?”

Man #1: “Nobody. I bought these with my own money.”

Woman: “NO, YOU DIDN’T! PEOPLE LIKE YOU CAN’T AFFORD THOSE CARS!”

Me: “Yes, he did. I see him washing them every day!”

Woman: “SHUT UP! YOU’RE TOO YOUNG AND NAIVE TO UNDERSTAND”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Man #2: *Cutting me off* “Would you like to call the police?”

Woman: “YES!”

I was confused, but the two men exchanged a look with each other, and I realized something was up, so I kept quiet. The cops showed up and they asked for documents and security footage, which [Man #1] happily handed over. [Man #2] even had his own security footage.

The shock on the woman’s face when she was proven wrong was priceless.

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Welcome To Cats

, , , , , | Related | May 26, 2021

I am watching my in-laws’ four cats. They are all former street cats. Two of them are really fat and are on a diet, but they constantly try to find food. You can’t leave any snacks outside with the cats around. If you accidentally drop anything, you can be sure one of the cats will suck it up like a vacuum cleaner if you are not quick enough to grab it.

Usually, the two normal-sized cats go outside through the window in the morning and roam freely and come back. The two bigger cats can go out but can’t climb back in by themselves. 

One day, I let them all out. By noon, all but one cat has returned. I start to worry about the cat. She is not the heaviest one but her belly is huge and she can’t climb well. I go outside to search for her.

Not surprisingly, I find her by the feeding station for the street cats. When she sees me, she tries to run, but I grab her and try to carry her home. Instead of taking the shorter way beside the main road, where I need to open two gates, I decide to take the longer but safer road where I just need to go by a walking pass.

For a few meters, all goes well. But then, a family with a stroller comes by and the cat wiggles herself free and runs back to the feeding station. Luckily, she is not very quick, so I can grab her again.

After a few meters, the same happens again. The family and some other people now watch me, how I fight with the giant beast, in amusement.

After the fourth time, the cat rips off my mask and scratches my arms. I feel pretty embarrassed and think, “D*** it! Then stay outside.”

But what does the cat do?

She runs toward the gate, squeezes through the first one, walks beside the main road, climbs the second gate, and waits in front of the building, meowing to be let in.

That’s how I got embarrassed and fooled by a cat.

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Some People Are Blind To The Needs Of Others

, , , , , , | Learning | May 21, 2021

I am totally blind, and therefore I need specialized training to navigate public transportation, street crossings, etc.

I come to an intersection with my teacher and, as per usual, I end up standing at the curb, totally confused. When I think I have it figured out, I tentatively begin to walk, first checking with my teacher.

Teacher: “You’re right, but don’t wait too long or you’ll miss this chance.”

I begin crossing the street, quickly but cautiously, cane in hand, sweeping it left to right as I am supposed to. I’m maybe a quarter to halfway across the street when my cane smacks into a car, whose music is blaring loud enough to be heard over all the other sounds of the intersection.

Teacher: “Come back to the curb!”

I come back and my teacher explains:

Teacher: “You definitely had the right-of-way. The lady driving the car actually had the nerve to give you a dirty look!”

While she may not have said as much to me directly, I get the feeling my teacher would’ve torn her a new one right then and there.

Because of how long it took me to get that right, only to have it ruined, the lesson was pretty much over by then. My teacher allowed me to take her arm and cross the street, and then, shortly thereafter, took me home. My teacher and I were more often than not at loggerheads with one another, but this was one instance that proved she actually had my back.

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Take A Little Taste Of Humanity

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 20, 2021

I’m visiting my friend in London; we’re both women who prefer to wear smart-looking clothes over casual. I’m a low-income earner whilst she earns much higher, but we are both working class. We’re walking down a street when we are approached by two men a bit older and a lot taller than us who appear to be homeless.

One man is looking somewhat hopeful whilst the other looks wary; both look very desperate. My friend immediately tenses and looks uncomfortable. The men stop.

Hopeful Man: “We don’t mean any harm or anything. We don’t want money. Just… can you spare anything? Please? A chocolate bar or… crisps… or even like… deodorant or something so we don’t immediately get shooed out for smelling when we do have some cash to buy stuff?”

Wary Man: *Almost inaudibly* “Come one, [Hopeful Man]. Look at them; they’re not gonna care.”

My friend is pulling at me to leave but I take my handbag off my shoulder.

Me: “I don’t carry cash, and I know it’s not much, but I’ve got some drinks and some chocolate?”

I offer the men two bottles of drink and two chocolate bars that I have in my bag. They take them.

Hopeful Man: “Thank you! Thank you so much!

Wary Man: “Yeah… Yeah, thanks!”

They leave. I feel good. My friend, however…

Friend: “Why did you do that? They were probably druggies!”

Me: “I… What?”

Friend: “THEY WERE DRUGGIES!”

Me: “One, you don’t know that. Two, even if they were, that doesn’t mean that they should starve. And three, it’s £1.50 worth of drinks and chocolates — hardly breaking the bank.”

Friend: “Still!”

Me: “No. It was my food; I can do with it what I want.”

We still chat, just not nearly as much as we did before.

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You Can Remember Some Of The Papal Some Of The Time

, , , , | Friendly | May 15, 2021

My aunt one day meets the local priest somewhere in their very small hometown, where everybody knows everyone. After exchanging the usual greetings, the priest asks her:

Priest: “So, how is your husband doing?”

Aunt: “You tell me; you buried him last year!”

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