Customer: “I have a big pool, and I want an outdoor shower so my family, guests, and I can wash off the chlorine after we swim, so I’d like to find a nice shower rack to keep all the stuff outside with it.”

Me: “Okay, well, over here we have all of our shower accessories. Did you want a specific finish?”

Customer: “I don’t care about the color, I just need it to be really protected, like a special finish, so it won’t rust if it rains.”

Me: “What? When it rains?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s an OUTDOOR shower!”

He didn’t yell, but made sure to overpronounce his words as if I didn’t realize what the term meant.

Customer: “So, if it rains, I don’t want the water to rust it.”

Me: “Right, so a shower rack?”

Customer: “Yes, but rugged, outdoor quality, so it won’t rust when it rains.”

Me: “Okay, but that’s all showers, though.”

Customer: “Not all showers are rain-resistant!”

Me: “Sir, showers are literally rain on demand.”

Customer: “Is this like bug spray?”

She holds out some bear mace.

Me: “Absolutely not! That’s to go on the bears, not on you!”

Customer: “That’s so stupid! Why would I walk up to the bears and spray this on them when the whole point is to keep them away?”

Some people are not made for the outdoors…

Our family belonged to a group of families that would regularly go for walks in lovely parts of the countryside. When it was our turn, Dad prepared some leaflets to post out (early 80s; no emails) with all the relevant information, such as meeting point, our home number if anyone had any questions before the day, and so on.

Dad had already checked the information before posting, but the night before, he decided to do so once more. The meeting point was given as a six-digit Ordnance Survey map reference, and dad checked it out…

…only to find that he’s looking at a point on the map that was about a mile from where we should be meeting. At that point, he started panicking, as it was unlikely he would be able to get hold of everyone that evening; bear in mind this was before mobile phones were readily available to people. 

He asked Mum to check it out and read out the coordinates to her.

Mum: “That’s our phone number.” 

With everyone living in the same town, there was no need to put the dialing code on the pamphlet. Our phone number happened to look very similar to the map coordinates, and Dad had read from the wrong line.

Fortunately, the pamphlet was correct, and all the other families were at least able to use the right number to find their way there!

I was walking with some friends along a crowded road. In front of me comes a couple of women, quite attractive if I may say so.

From the other side of the road, two guys slowly zig-zagging on a scooter see them and start catcalling. At first, the women ignore them, until the guy riding the scooter shouts:

Catcaller: “Hey sis, what an amazing rack you got! Is it all yours?”

One of the two women turns around and shouts back, loud enough for everyone to hear:

Woman: “Why, do you share custody of your nuts with your father?”

The guy’s passenger almost fell from the scooter from the laughter and shock, and both quickly rode away between two wings of laughing bystanders.

I’m sitting on a bench near a trail I’m walking, resting my legs for a while. A van pulls up, and the driver steps out.

Driver: “Just to check, are you afraid of dogs?”

Me: “No, I love dogs.”

Driver: “Okay, good.”

He opens the side door of the van and immediately a wall of fur descends on me as no less than seven golden retrievers all storm out to say hi to a potential new friend.

Driver: “They can be a bit enthusiastic at times.”

Me: “No kidding!”