My husband and I own a second hand bookstore. There’s a small section of wall in the store that we decorate with postcards and pictures that we find in the books that come in. A man and his two sons, aged about six and four, stop to look at the pictures.
Man: Look, kids. There’s a sloth.
Four-year-old boy: Dad! That’s a red panda.
He was right.
(I am taking Biology 12. Biology 11 was focused on basic principles — plant, animal, fungal biology, principles of evolution, cells — and Bio 12 is Human Anatomy. We are reviewing basic principles when the teacher asks the class:)
Teacher: “Think back to last year; when cells use sugar, they make ATP and…?”
Student: *cautiously answers* “Alcohol?”
Teacher: *without missing a beat* “No, no, sweetie. No, you’re not a yeast.”
I am a pharmacist working in a large drugstore. This takes place in mid-October. A teenage girl is standing in the feminine care aisle looking a bit nervous and uncomfortable. She catches my eye and calls out a bit rudely, but I ignore THIS because she seems to be embarrassed and needing help.
Girl: “Yeah, can I get some help here please?”
Me: (walking out from behind pharmacy counter): “Yes, what can I help you with?”
She grabs my arm and pulls me into the next aisle, the oral care section.
Girl: “Yeah, I’m being a vampire for Halloween. Which of these denture glues would be the best for putting my teeth on?”
Me: “Umm…that’s really not my area of expertise as a pharmacist. But I’m sure they would all work fine.”
Girl: “Well, are there any OTHER pharmacists here who WOULD know?”
Me: (stifling the urge to tell her what a massive waste of time she is) “…No.”
A guest calls up and asks for a refund. When they checked in they could not get to their guest room by elevator because the elevators were out. They decided not to stay and were not charged. They would like a comp room night because they were not told that there was stair access to the guest floors.. from the lobby… in a building with more than 1 floor… in the modern world. Sadly they did not take it so well when I put to then quite so plainly. They called me a pion. I said, in my mind, to call them stupid would have been an insult to stupid people everywhere.
(As I’m sitting bored at an intersection with a long red light, a police officer appears and knocks on my driver’s side window. I jump and roll down my window.)
Officer: “Ma’am, you can’t be texting and driving.”
(He’s pulling out his ticket book but faltering as there’s nothing in my hands and, as he obviously startled me, there was no way I could have hidden my phone without him seeing.)
Officer: “What were you doing?”
Me: “Nothing. I wasn’t doing anything.”
Officer: “Where’s your phone?”
Me: “I don’t know. I think it’s in my purse behind my seat.”
(The light’s green but I can’t go and the cars behind me are trapped because of the parked cars beside me.)
Officer: “What were you doing?”
Me: “I wasn’t doing anything.”
Officer: “What were you looking at?”
Me: *pauses to think* “My nails. I bite my nails.”
(Seems I was looking down at my fingers, absently deciding which one to munch on, and it looked like I was texting. The officer stood there for a moment or two, trying to figure out how to give me a ticket for biting my nails, but then disappeared back into his hiding spot. The light was red again and I had to sit there and wait for another cycle.)
