(I am tidying around my department in a big box store when I find a customer’s wallet on the floor nearby. Store policy is to have two employees present when you open the wallet to check for identification. I grab a nearby associate and we open the wallet, locate the customer’s driver’s license, and take the wallet to the customer service desk where I page the customer to the desk by name. Shortly after paging I see a man storming up to the desk.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did yo—”

Customer: “Why the h*** did you page me? It’s embarrassing!”

Me: “Sir, we found your wallet.”

Customer: “I have my d*** wallet. And I have shopping to do!”

(The customer turns to leave.)

Me: “Sir! Could you please just humour me and check for your wallet?”

Customer: “I have shopping to do, and I have my d*** wallet.”

Me: “Then how did I get your name to page you?”

(The customer stopped walking away from the desk, patted down the back pocket of his jeans, and when he couldn’t find his wallet, stomped back to the desk, grabbed it from me, and stormed off without so much as a thank-you.)

(I’m walking up to the Skytrain station so I can begin my commute for the day when I overhear this exchange between a station employee and a passenger struggling to get through the gates into the station. There appears to be a problem with the passenger’s transit card.)

Employee: “So, it looks like you tapped your card twice by accident; that’s why the gate wouldn’t let you through.”

(The employee uses his card to let the passenger through.)

Passenger: “Okay, thank you.” *walks into the station*

(The gates close behind the passenger, and the employee taps his card again to let himself through. The display lights up red, telling him his card has already been tapped.)

Employee: “Great, now I’m stuck.”

(The office I work at has a Keurig machine and an honour box to pay for the K-Cups at $1 each. Unfortunately, honesty is at a minimum, as very few people actually pay for their coffee, and as a result the committee stops buying the K-Cups. Since the machine is still in the lunchroom, I start buying my own from a local supplier and keeping them locked up in my desk. My sister works in the same office as me, and of course I am okay with her taking my coffee without compensating me; she’s family, after all. Other coworkers notice I have coffee and want some. My sister is digging through my desk, selecting a flavour of coffee.)

Sister: “What is this? I don’t like any of the flavours you have here.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I have a few different flavours at home; I’ll bring them tomorrow.”

(A coworker approaches.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can I have a coffee?”

Me: “They’re $1 each.”

Coworker: “What? [Sister] doesn’t have to pay. Why should I?”

Me: “Um… She’s my sister?”

Coworker: “So?”

Me: “Ah… Family? You know, you do stuff for family?”

Coworker: “Why such a high price?”

Me: “It’s expensive. Almost $1 each to begin with, plus I have the extra effort of going out and getting it.”

(My coworker walked off in a huff. A number of people in the office were quite put out that [Sister] didn’t have to pay and they would have to. Interestingly, none of them bought from me. My sister told me after we retired that she had played the whole thing up because she knew it would grind their gears to see her complain while getting free coffee, and the both of us having coffee when they didn’t. Also, none of the other coworkers went out and bought their own K-Cups.)

(My husband and I are taking the dog for a last walk before bedtime. As we’re passing the local park, a car pulls up and someone calls out the window.)

Man: “Hey, we have something for you!”

(My husband and I stand there, slightly bewildered, while a man and woman I recognize, but don’t really know, get out of their car. The man explains:)

Man: “We were at a conference in [Resort Town a couple hundred kilometres and two ferry rides away] and met [My Sister, who lives a further few hundred km away]. When she found out we were from [Our Town], she asked if we would deliver this parcel to you. We were going to bring it to your store, but we were driving by and just happened to see you.”

(They handed me a small parcel, got back in their car, and drove off, leaving us somewhat gobsmacked. You have to love small towns. By the way, the parcel contained a lovely little purse that my sister had picked up in Mexico.)

A customer brings in a stack of pants to be dry cleaned.

Me: *after putting his phone number/name into the computer* And how many pants have you got here?

Customer: Nine!

Me: *inputs the number of pants, trusting his count* Your total is $[total]!

Customer: *pays and takes his receipt* Oh, and can you hem this pair *points at a pair with the bottom folded up* up three inches?

Of course, his transaction is over now and I’d have to ring him up for the hem. I decided to just do the hem, and not charge this once since I get to keep 25% of his total (the other 75% goes to the company that does the cleaning) and it was a large order. I didn’t say I was doing the hem for free or anything, just that it would be done and he could pick up in one week.

As I am tagging his items, it turns out that there are only 8 pairs. I figure that he forgot a pair at home or miscounted… but also since I hadn’t charged for the hem, and had technically overcharged for the cleaning (by almost the same amount… hems are $10 and cleaning is $9.50 in this area) that it was a wash and everything was even anyway.

He picks up on the morning he is due and leaves without incident, only to come back a few hours later, irate.

Customer: You forgot to give me one of my pants! I brought 9 and you only gave back 8!

Me: Oh, actually sir, when I was tagging them, it turns out there were only 8 there. I had one tag left over, so I put it on the pair that you wanted hemmed. I forgot to charge you for the hem though, so everything evened out in the end! *smiles*

Customer: NO! I brought you NINE PAIRS!

Me: *goes back and forth with him a couple of times, with him insisting that he gave me 9* Sir, I have absolutely no reason to lie to you. There were only 8 pairs in the stack you left with me.

Customer: BUT YOU CHARGED ME FOR NINE!!

Me: Yes, because I believed your count was accurate, but as I said before, there were only 8, but since I forgot to charge you for the hem, everything evened out and it was less paperwork to just leave it as it was instead of reringing everything after you had left when I discovered the error.

Customer: *slaps his arm* It was green like this shirt! I got them to match this shirt!!!

Me: I am terribly sorry, but if there is a pair of green pants, they didn’t make it into the stack that you brought with you. Perhaps they were forgotten at  home or something, but I assure you, they were not brought in here.

Customer: *as he storms out* THIS IS HOW YOU DO BUSINESS?! UNREAL!!!!

I am the only person who works here. I know they were never here. I know that he only brought 8 pairs. I am 100% sure of this.