Truck Drivers Are Happy To Have You On The Team(ster)

, , , , , | | Working | July 14, 2019

(I am a twenty-something blonde woman. I take my car to a small chain brake repair shop to get my rear brakes done. I cross the road and kill a few hours at the mall before I wander back, only to find my car still up on the lift.)

Worker: “Oh, there you are. Yeah. Your whole brake system is shot. We have to replace everything.”

Me: “What? No, you don’t. Just replace the rear brake pads!”

Worker: “Nope. Can’t do that. It’s not road safe. We have to do the work here and now as we can’t let that car on the road in this condition.”

Me: “How much?”

Worker: “$2,500.”

(I lose it, yelling and demanding and threatening, but he stands there unmoved. I then pull out my phone, and he asks dismissively:)

Worker: “You calling the cops?”

Me: “No. I’m calling a Teamster.”

(It isn’t a threat; I just want some advice from a good friend who is a driver, but the man’s face changes instantly.)

Worker: “Wait. What?”

(I don’t understand the fear in his eyes, but I go with it.)

Me: “Yeah. Looks like I need some help here.”

Worker: “I’ll get your keys.”

(He goes in the back and has my car lowered and pulled out of the garage by a coworker as he returns.)

Me: “No rush anymore. They’re almost here.”

(That wasn’t true. I’d actually never even dialed once I saw the fear in the man’s eyes, but I was MAD! I went out and hopped in my car. They hadn’t done any work — which I’m relieved about — so I screeched out of there and headed to a more reputable shop. I wish I’d reported them, but it never occurred to me at the time. The whole chain went under a few years later, though.)

A Vanilla Thriller

, , , , , , | | Working | July 13, 2019

(My boss comes up to me Monday morning, lamenting that the coffee machine isn’t working and she wants a coffee. I’m a graphic artist — so this is in no way my problem — but pretty savvy with machines, so I go to give it a once-over. I grab the key from where I know the tech keeps it, check the coffee levels — which are low, but not out — and then close everything up and make myself a coffee — that I don’t really want — so I can test the machine. Everything works fine. I tell her I can’t find a problem, but she comes to me shortly after complaining that it’s still not working. I go back to the machine with her to see where the problem could be stemming from and see that she’s ordering some sort of flavoured vanilla drink — no coffee involved at all. I open the machine again and dig deeper into its guts to find that, indeed, the vanilla is out. She keeps hovering, complaining that the coffee machine is broken and that she doesn’t have time to go upstairs to get a coffee from another machine. She continues moaning about her valuable time being wasted that she has to go upstairs to get her coffee as I’m pulling a packet of vanilla from where I know it’s kept. She then heads for the door to go upstairs to get her sugar drink as I fill the machine and lock it back up. To this day, every morning she asks me if the machine is still broken.)

Me: “It was never broken. It just ran out of vanilla.”

Boss: “So, it’s still broken.”

Me: “No. You saw me refill it. And the tech came through Wednesday and topped everything up.”

Boss: “Do you think it will be fixed by next week?”

(This woman is not an idiot! I don’t know what was happening in her brain here!)

Unfiltered Story #157546

, , | | Unfiltered | July 12, 2019

Me: Welcome sir!
Costumer: Don’t call me sir, miss… missus… what are you?
Me: I’m single?
Customer: What? Why?!
Me: Well if I chose to pursue further in my education, so I’m not really looking for anything….
Customer: Well you should quit school and let loose! Sooner or later you’ll be use for breeding!
Me: …. what?
Customer: You’re a girl! You’re gonna get knocked up and have kids so there’s no way you’ll get a job! May as well start early!
Me: …. I’m sorry sir, but my mother told me that while as great as romance is, education is more important.
Customer: You’re mom could have said that, but I bet she played around a bit! Heck I bet your dad ain’t even your real dad! Women are better at this cheating business ya’know?
Me: *At this point I’m speechless*
Customer: So ah…. you looking for a lover?
Me: No.
*Even now, I’m not even sure if this is just a terrible joke or if he was serious*

High, How Are You?

, , , , , | | Right | July 4, 2019

(A customer comes up to my till, and I greet him like I normally would.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m high. How are you?”

(I burst out laughing.)

Customer: *smiling* “Betcha weren’t expecting that.”

Me: “Nope, I definitely wasn’t. I’m doing well, sir. Not as well as you, though.”

Chopsticks: A Million Uses, But Only One Joke

, , , , | | Right | July 4, 2019

(I’m a cashier, and I often put my hair up with chopsticks when I’m working. For some reason, customers always feel inclined to point this out to me or comment in some unimaginative way. This conversation, though, is new. A female customer, middle-aged, comes up to my till.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?

Customer: “I’m doing well, thanks. I like your chopsticks.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Customer: “You know, those things can be surprisingly useful. I used to be a nurse, and once I had to use chopsticks to discourage a patient who was a little too frisky.”

Me: “Really?!”

Customer: “Yep. He was getting a little too handsy, but after a few pokes he backed off.”

Me: “You know, not many people realize there might be more to this hairdo than just convenience. It’s really nice to hear something other than a wisecrack about ‘going out for Chinese food.’ I’ve had way too many of those.”

(The customer and I continue to chat as I finish ringing up her purchases. She pays and the next customer comes up to me.)

Next Customer: “Having Chinese food for dinner tonight?”

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