Death Becomes Her, Part 5

, , , , , | Romantic | January 16, 2018

(I am checking out a married couple at my till. It is just about sunset.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Husband: “Good.” *looks at wife* “She hasn’t killed me yet.”

Wife: *chuckling* “The day’s not over yet, honey.”



Death Becomes Her, Part 4

Death Becomes Her, Part 3

Death Becomes Her, Part 2

The Wrapping Isn’t Free

, , , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(I am sitting in a restaurant enjoying a meal when I observe this exchange. It makes me feel good.)

Diner #1: *looking at the meal that has just been set in front of him* “What is this? There isn’t [price] worth of food here!”

Diner #2: *speaking from a third table* “Did you take in to account the cost of the restaurant wrapped around your plate?”

Waitress: *looking at [Diner #2], mouthing the words* “Thank you!”

Diner #1: “…”

That’s What I (N)Said

, , | Healthy | January 14, 2018

Customer: *holding a box of OTC medication* “Excuse me. My wife is allergic to the Niacide family.”

Me: “Pardon? Do you mean NSAIDs?”

Customer: “No! NIACIDES!”

(I give him a puzzled look.)

Customer: “You know, ibuprofen and stuff!”

Me: “Right… NSAIDs.”

Customer: “Oh, whatever. Can she take this or not?”

(Then he showed me a box of acetaminophen.)

Keeping Him Rice And Happy

, , , , | Romantic | January 12, 2018

(This is a story from my grandmother. When she marries my grandfather, in the late 1940s, she asks him about all the foods he likes so she can make them for him. She asks him if he likes rice, and he says he does. So one meal, she makes chicken and rice.)

Grandad: “Rice? No potatoes?”

Nana: “But you said you liked rice!”

Grandad: “I meant rice pudding!”

(For the next sixty years she always made meat dishes with potatoes. After he died, she had rice with her chicken.)

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 72

, , , , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(I work as a cashier for a company that requires me to ask a set list of things during the transaction. This particular day, I am working express.)

Me: “Hi there! Did you have a loyalty card?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “And did you need any bags?”

Customer: “One.”

(I finish scanning in his items.)

Me: “And that’s everything? Your total comes to $60.14, please.”

(The customer pulls out his debit card, flashes it at me, and sticks it in the machine. He pauses, and looks back up to the display screen with a confused look on his face.)

Customer: “The ’60’ on the screen. What’s that?”

Me: “That’s your total, sir.”

Customer: “My total? WHAT’S THAT?!”

(I then had to explain what a “total” was. He paid and left after that.)


This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 71
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 70
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 69

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