(I work at a kiosk inside of a mall. This particular kiosk is even smaller than many other types of kiosks, so it’s exceedingly rare for there to be two or more employees at the same time. I have just handled a customer complaint, and after my attempt to remedy the situation, I get a call from my boss.)

Boss: “Hey, just calling to check how things are going.”

Me: “Yeah, I encountered a little problem not too long ago. Who was working last Saturday?”

Boss: “I was.”

Me: “Sorry to ask, but are you 100% sure? You didn’t hire anyone new or anything?”

Boss: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, a customer just complained about something that happened last Saturday. I’m having a hard time believing it was you because it’s not likely you would’ve made this kind of mistake, and the customer was complaining about a female employee. I thought we were all dudes here.”

Boss: “Did you say a female employee? Oh, g**d*** it. Not again!”

(It turns out his girlfriend visits him at the kiosk to hang out, and when he steps away to go to the bathroom or grab lunch from the food court, she approaches every passing mall patron very aggressively. Of the few sales she manages to obtain, she doesn’t explain the products or the kiosk’s policies adequately, causing frustration to the customer down the line. My boss still isn’t sure why she does this, because she isn’t getting paid for this work, and he has asked her, multiple times, to stop.)

(Our store serves chicken combos that come with fries, gravy, and your choice of sides — mashed potatoes, coleslaw, or macaroni. A customer comes to the drive-thru asking for a two-piece combo.)

Me: “And what side dish would you like with that?”

Customer: “I don’t want no sides; I just want the chicken.”

(Since he only wants the chicken, I punch it in separately, as it will save him about $5. We have a screen beside the drive-thru speaker that shows their order as we enter it.)

Customer: *angrily* “What’s this ‘x-piece chicken, x-piece chicken?”

Me: “Well, since you only want the chicken—“

(I was cut off by the sound of him revving his engine, and a second later saw him speed past my window looking furious. Sorry for trying to save you money?)

(I am working drive-thru when a woman comes to my window. It’s early in the morning and business is slow, so we get to small talk while her order is being put together.)

Customer: “Yeah, I thought I had to be at work at five, but turns out I was scheduled for six, so I have an hour to kill.”

Me: “Oh, where do you work?”

Customer: “At the [Store] deli.”

Me: “Oh, man…”

Customer: “Oh, have you worked there before?”

Me: “No, but I had a roommate who did, and I’ve heard some stories.” *completely deadpan* “I said fifty grams!”

Customer: *equally deadpan* “Not fifty-one!”

(We shared a laugh and I sent her on her way. Be nice to your deli workers, folks.)

(I am with my husband. We are in a small town grabbing some quick supper on the way to the drive-in theater. We see a local coffee chain that sells food and figure that should work perfectly. We head into the drive-thru and notice that we have shown up about 45 minutes before close.)

Worker: “Hi! Welcome to [Coffee Place]. Just to let you know, as we are close to our closing time, we are not serving hot food anymore. We are still offering our sandwich menu.”

Husband: “No problem. Thanks for letting me know.”

Worker: “What can I get you?”

Husband: “Can I get a chicken salad sandwich and-–“

Worker: “Sorry, we’re out of chicken salad for the night.”

Husband: “Oh, okay. Um, a turkey bacon club, then?”

Worker: “Sorry, we’re out of bacon, as well.”

(We were starting to get a bit frustrated, but we realize that we did come close to closing, so assume we will just make the best of what they have left.)

Husband: “Okay, can I get two ham and cheddars, then?”

Worker: “Actually, we’re out of bread.”

Me: “What?! She can’t be serious.”

Husband: “So, how would I get a sandwich, then?”

Worker: “Um. I mean, we can give you the meat?”

(I start laughing hard, and my husband has this “Seriously?” look on his face.)

Husband: “So, you have no bread at all? No biscuits, English muffins, nothing?”

Worker: “Ah, no, not really. Did you still want the ham and cheddar?”

Husband: “No, thanks. I think we’ll try somewhere else.”

(We ended up grabbing food at a sub shop. It was pretty funny that the worker offered us sandwiches if they were completely out of bread! Probably would have been better off to close early if it was truly that bad!)

(My girlfriend and I are at a Pho restaurant, where they usually give us tea when we sit down. This time, they give us ice water. The waitress has an obvious accent, and it is clear English is not her first language.)

Girlfriend: “Actually, could we have some tea? Oh, is it complementary?”

Waitress: *deer in headlights look* “Um… pardon?”

Girlfriend: “Is it complementary?”

Waitress: *same uncomfortable expression* “Pardon?”

Girlfriend: “Is it complementary?”

Waitress: “Uh…”

Me: “Is it free?”

Waitress: “Oh! Yes! I just thought since it’s summer, you’d like a cold drink!”

Girlfriend: “Oh, yes, thank you. We just really like having your tea.”

(While you should never assume someone doesn’t understand the language, if they’re clearly having trouble with a certain word, repeating it over and over isn’t going to help. Best to rephrase and try again.)