There Are Idiots Wherever You Rome

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 27, 2020

I am from England, and a friend and I have travelled to Florida for the first time. We’ve been to several theme parks at this point, I think about five days into our holiday. We are at a theme park with various countries set around a lake.

We’re in the queue to meet one of my all-time favourite characters, this one based in the “Germany” pavilion. We’re talking to pass the time, and naturally, people queuing with us hear our accents.

Lady: “Oh, we love your accent; where are you from?”

Me: “England.”

We start talking about England. I am about to explain that we come from an area about ninety minutes or so from London when I get asked this gem.

Lady: “How far away is Rome?”

I blinked at first, slightly confused, as we’d been talking about England. It turned out this person was serious and assumed Rome was somehow in England, and they were shocked when I said you needed to fly there as it was another country.

I politely told the lady to take the time to look at a map of Europe as a whole. I didn’t have time to show them myself. I’m not sure they ever did. I do often wonder why some people seem so unaware of the world outside the USA; I’ve read stories on here, but I still find it baffling.

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This Is So Not “OK”

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 26, 2020

I’ve parked my car and rushed to get a parking coupon from a machine. You put coins in the machine and press the “OK” button, it prints you a coupon that states how long you can park your car, and you have to put that coupon inside your car window.

I’ve just put coins in the machine and am searching for more when somebody right beside me reaches for the “OK” button. When I turn my head to see what is happening, there is an elementary school kid, nine or so and probably on his way from school, frantically pressing the “OK” button, looking at me. I just stare at him and suddenly, he runs off.

The machine processes the transaction and after a while, it prints me a ticket that has too little parking time for me to use.

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Enunciation Is SO Important

, , , , , | Friendly | June 25, 2020

I’m at a large car boot sale with my family — think a market but it’s the general public that sells things they don’t want anymore, typically out the boot of their car. With us is my sister and her one- or two-year-old daughter who’s rather non-vocal. We are white. We’re not walking together and I’ve stopped at a black family’s stall to browse what they’ve got.

Niece: *Very loud and enthusiastic* “[Really derogatory term for black people]!”

I freeze and the black family freezes. People around us freeze.

Niece: *Just as loud and enthusiastic* “[Really derogatory term for black people]!”

I look over and my niece is pointing over at me and the black family. My sister has a look of horror and “Oh, f***, where did she learn that?!” on her face, which I imagine I do, too, and neither of us knows what to do.

My niece continues to be super happy and oblivious in the way only toddlers can manage.

Niece: “Hi, Aunty [really derogatory term for black people]!”

Realisation dawns.

Sister: “Do… Are you calling over to Aunty [My Name]?”

Niece: “Yeah, look, it’s Aunty [really derogatory term for black people]!”

I apologised to the black family, who thought it was hysterical, and I stayed with my sister and niece so as not to have a repeat. We later worked on the pronunciation of my name.

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That GIF Was No Gift

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | June 24, 2020

Today, I was talking on Messenger with a friend whom I haven’t gotten to see in months because of the quarantine. She was feeling particularly down-in-the-dumps, so I decided to send her some fun GIFs to cheer her up.

After some browsing, I found a GIF that showed a clip of someone pushing brightly-colored confetti across the floor, reversed so that it revealed the words “ur pretty”. Content with my light-hearted choice, I clicked the GIF and watched it send out into cyberspace.

And then, I watched in horror as the GIF played again on my screen. After the person in the GIF revealed the words “ur pretty,” there was a pause before they continued moving to reveal the word “UGLY” in much larger letters. I hadn’t realized there was more to this GIF!

I quickly scrambled to apologize to my friend who, luckily, found it hilarious. Lesson learned: watch the entire GIF before you click!

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The Theme Song Of All Cat Owners: Mischief

, , , , , | Friendly | June 23, 2020

I’m talking to a friend late one night online. 

Friend: “Your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode.”

Me: “My theme song is apparently the sound of my cat trying to get behind the closed blinds.”

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