The Pink Death

, , , | Friendly | May 11, 2018

(It’s Mother’s day and I am visiting my grandmother’s grave. She died several years ago after a difficult battle with Alzheimer’s. I have placed a pink bouquet against her gravestone with a short message. I am also tidying up around the grave because the cemetery has an issue with people littering. I notice a woman walking by me and think nothing of it until she walks up to my grandmother’s grave.)

Me: “Did you know her?”

Woman: “No. Did you?”

Me: “Yes, she’s my grandmother. I gave her the flowers.”

Woman: “Then you should be ashamed!”

(She kicks the bouquet and starts walking away.)

Me: “What the hell was that for?”

Woman: “PINK? IN A GRAVEYARD! Are you f****** insane?!”

Me: “That’s hardly a reason to kick someone’s flowers off their grave. If you didn’t like them, you could’ve just told me, or better yet, ignored them.”

Woman: “It’s disrespectful to people who are still grieving! Nothing should be happy here. NOTHING!”

Me: “Well, I like to remember the happy times I had with her. Even when she couldn’t remember anything anymore, she still smiled whenever someone brought her something pink, and I like to think she still likes it.”

(The woman huffs and storms off, walking over several graves. I put the bouquet back and decide to warn one of the groundskeepers about her.)

Groundskeeper: “Don’t worry. We try to keep an eye out for her. She comes by every other month to bother the visitors. We’ve tried to get her banned, but her husband is buried here, and it’s hard to keep track of her with how sporadic her visits are.”

(When I visited my mum later, she told me she had also encountered the woman, and now whenever she visits, she takes a large assortment of colourful balloons, just in case the woman happens to be there, and offers her one.)

El-Blow

, , , , , | Friendly | May 11, 2018

(My dad and I are staying with a friend of his, whose daughter recently had a baby. We are all sitting in the kitchen, while she bounces her son on her lap. At one point she moves a bit farther to the left than she meant to, and SLAMS her elbow onto the edge of the table. She freezes, her eyes bug out, and her jaw drops.)

Me: “Why don’t I hold onto him for a minute?”

(She wordlessly handed me her baby, eyes watering, then doubled over, clutching her elbow.)

Crazy Prices Attract The Crazies

, , , , | Friendly | May 10, 2018

I just organized a garage sale for the first time in six years. I moved homes a year ago and had a baby two years ago, so I had a lot of stuff to get rid of. Hoping to reach out to as many people as possible, I posted pictures of things for sale online. While it did increase the foot traffic, it also invited the crazies.

First, I had a gentleman come and ask to look at the 1960s Schwinn bike I was selling. He told me his sister would love it for her art project, and then moved to take it from me. My husband blocked him with his arm and told him that the bike was for sale, not free. The man interjected with, “There was no price listed online!” My husband replied, “It’s a garage sale; everything is for sale.” The man left without buying the bike.

Then, we had a lady come by while it was dead, and struck up a nice enough conversation with her. She didn’t see anything that she wanted to buy, but that’s how it goes. As we were talking about moving a year ago, she shifted gears and asked, “Do you know if you’re getting into heaven?” My eyes went wide, and I looked at my husband to confirm if she really just asked that. I replied, “I hope so!” and my husband agreed. The woman dug through her purse and handed us a flyer about being saved, turning to Jesus, yada yada yada. She then left, and my husband and I confirmed that that was weird.

Next, two women came by while my husband was taking a break. They mentioned that they shopped for a local church group, creating Christmas boxes for kids, trying to keep the cost of the boxes around $5. I said that was cool, and showed them the table with the cheapest things, $1 and under. They then said that they typically try to buy things at ten cents a piece. I said I might be able to do that on some of these items. They both then turned to me and asked if I’d be willing to do that on everything in the sale. I’d get a receipt for taxes and everything. I told them no, I wouldn’t be able to do a deal like that. They pushed that it was for a church and deserving children. I told them that was nice, but anything we didn’t sell was going into a sale for a church mission trip already. They got annoyed looks on their faces, and turned and left.

Thankfully, the good customers outweighed the bad, and we got rid of a lot of our junk. But I’m glad I won’t need to have another garage sale for another six years or so.

H2-Slow, Part 18

, , , , , | Friendly | May 10, 2018

I noticed a car stopped on the side of the road with the hood open and smoke coming out of the engine, so I pulled in behind it. I got out and approached the driver, asking him if he needed anything, wanted a ride into town — about another 3km — needed to borrow my phone, etc.

He said that his engine was overheating, he thought he was low on coolant, and he was just hoping to let it cool down and try to limp it into town. I asked if some water would help get it there, and he said it probably would. I went back to my car and got out one of the 5L bottles of water I keep stashed inside, and handed it to him. He promptly undid the lid, turned it upside down, and poured it directly all over his still-smoking engine. Then, he smiled and thanked me.

I backed away slowly, maintaining eye contact, then got in my car and out of there as quickly as I could!

Related:
H2-Slow, Part 17
H2-Slow, Part 16
H2-Slow, Part 15

A Very Testing Environment

, , , | Friendly | May 9, 2018

(I’m rushing through the college center to try to make it to a class. I’m also holding a scantron test sheet. Today the center is filled with canvassers. One stops me in front of the classroom.)

Canvasser: “Do you have time to talk about our environment?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m late for a class.”

Canvasser: “Since you’re already late, why don’t you give me ten minutes of your time?”

(At this point I just walked off, repeating that I had to leave. I get that canvassing can be frustrating when people brush you off, but don’t insist that they owe you any of their time, especially if it looks like they’re rushing off to take a test.)

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