That’s The Tall And The Short Of It

, , , , , | Friendly | January 13, 2019

(My 6’7”, male friend is a very intelligent engineer but is very oblivious to common sense and socially acceptable, appropriate, and expected behaviors. He asks me to go to the grocery store with him to help him get ripe produce — i.e. show him how to pick out good fruit and vegetables. We are rounding a corner to an aisle when I notice that a very short woman, maybe three and a half feet tall, is scaling the shelf and about halfway up the rack. My friend, being a southern gentleman, says, “Here! Let me help you!” and tries to grab what she is attempting to reach on the higher shelf. She snaps:)

Woman: “No! I will get it myself!”

(I watch in absolute shock and horror as he puts a hand on each side of her waist and lifts her up. She turns to look at him, slack-jawed, as she grabs the box of cereal. As he is setting her down, I profusely apologize as well as chastising him about not grabbing strange women, especially not picking them up! He immediately realizes something is amiss and sputters out:)

Friend: “But she said she wanted to get it herself!”

Me: “Then let her get it! You don’t pick random people up!”

Put Down That Kind Of Thinking

, , , , , | Friendly | January 12, 2019

(I am a volunteer for an organisation that raises and trains guide dogs for the blind. I am what they call a puppy foster parent; I raise a puppy from eight weeks until it goes to school at approximately fourteen months, which also involves some basic training. I am walking with the most adorable and sweet black Labrador, seven months old, who is wearing a vest that is clearly labeled with the text, “Guide Dog in Training,” and the name and logo of the organisation. A woman angrily approaches me.)

Woman: “They should instantly put down all pit bulls!”

Me: “Eh… Okay… And you’re telling me this because…?”

Woman: “So you know what kind of an anti-social b*****d you are!”

(The woman stomped off. Usually, I’m pretty good at smart and snappy comebacks, but this was way, way too far out there for me!)

A Disservice To Service Dogs

, , , , | Friendly | January 11, 2019

(I’m visiting my boyfriend who lives in a different state. I’ve got my service dog with me, who is wearing an obvious red vest with a short lead that says, “Do not pet.” We’re at a big box store to grab some food for my stay when a customer comes up to us.)

Customer: “Ugh, go take your d*** mutt home!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “You heard me! This isn’t [Pet Store]! Take him out!

Boyfriend: “You know that’s a service dog, right?”

Customer: “Like h***! You’re not blind!”

Me: “No, sir, he’s for–”

(Suddenly, the customer lunges for the lead. I pull away, and my boyfriend shoves himself between me and the customer. An employee turns the corner and sees us.)

Employee: “What’s going on?!”

Customer: “This b**** is refusing to take her s*** dog outside where he belongs!

Employee:Sir, that service dog is legally allowed in the store! You need to leave or I’ll call security!”

(He glares at us and storms off. The employee makes sure we’re fine. My dog is signaling that my anxiety is out of control, so we ask for a place to sit. The employee guides us to some benches near the front and gets me a small cup of water. While we’re waiting it out, the customer drags a manager over to us. At this point, my dog is tucked under the bench, and is hard to see since he’s hidden behind our legs.)

Customer: “Them! They probably ran the d*** thing back to the car to lie!”

Manager: “I’m… sorry?”

(The employee comes back over.)

Employee: “That guy–” *pointing at the customer* “–started harassing these two over her service dog. I asked him to leave them alone before I called security.”

Manager: “Where is the service dog?”

(I stand up, and my dog stands next to me. The customer points down at him.)

Customer: “SEE?! DOGS CAN’T BE IN HERE!”

(He ended up being kicked out. The manager apologized profusely and gave us a small gift card.)

Not The Kind Of Attack You’re Used To Dealing With

, , , , , | Friendly | January 11, 2019

I sometimes randomly faint. It doesn’t matter if I’ve eaten or not, or if it’s hot outside or not, I just faint, or everything goes black, but I’m still technically conscious. I can’t avoid it, so the only thing I can do is sit still wherever I can.

I was in the line in the supermarket with my mother when I felt an “attack” coming. There was a wooden couch very close to the lines, so I knew I could make it there instead of having to sit on the ground. There was an old couple in front of me, so I politely asked them if they could move. They completely ignored me. Normally I’d repeat it louder, but I was feeling very fuzzy at this point and could only repeat it at the same volume. After the third time, I just pushed past them and walked to the couch. I felt kind of bad for doing that.

After a couple of minutes, I felt well enough to go to the line again so I could help my mother with the heavy bags. When I arrived, I saw that she was having a big argument with the old man and that a random woman in the line had joined in.

Apparently, the couple had heard me, but had chosen to ignore the “stupid, young, lazy brat.” After I had left, they’d started insulting me and complaining about me “pushing them to the ground because standing for a minute is too much for the youth.” My mother did not appreciate that and told them off. The old man had then started insulting her, too, and a woman in the line had jumped to her defense. Meanwhile, the cashier was attempting to convince the old woman to leave because she was done scanning their stuff and they had paid already.

The old man then attempted to make it physical, but after trying to shove my mother weakly, security showed up to escort him and his wife out.

My mother and I thanked the random woman, and I was offered something to drink by the manager, but I declined because I just wanted to go home.

The old man ended up banned from the store.

Needs To Reorient Their Detective Skills

, , , , , , , | Friendly Legal Romantic | January 10, 2019

(My cousin is a very masculine, straight-acting police officer. The following exchange takes place in his precinct.)

Officer: “God, my wife is driving me nuts. Women, huh? Doesn’t your wife just make you crazy sometimes?”

Cousin: “I don’t have a wife.”

Officer: “Ah, sorry, I saw the ring. Divorced, huh?”

Cousin: “No.”

Officer: “Oh. Widowed?”

Cousin: “No, I’m definitely still married.”

Officer: *now very confused* “So, you do have a wife?”

Cousin: *starting to snicker at the routine* “No.”

Officer: *as several other cops within earshot also start to crack up* “I don’t understand.”

Sergeant: *yelling in exasperation* “He’s married to a man and therefore has a husband! Jesus Christ, [Officer], how do you expect to make detective with those deductive reasoning skills?”

Officer: “Ohhhhh.”

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