Everything Will Be Starbucks Soon

, , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I’m a cashier in this story at a bookstore. It’s around 10:00 am on a Saturday. At the back of the store is a Starbucks, but unfortunately, every once in a while people don’t pay attention…)

Me: *noticing the next person in line has no purchases* “Good morning, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “One triple shot latte, please.”

Me: “Ma’am… this isn’t Starbucks.”

Customer: *looks up at me, sees there are clearly no coffee machines anywhere* “Oh! I saw the Starbucks logo in the window and just assumed…”

Me: *points to Starbucks*

Customer: *walks away quickly*

Me & Coworker: *bursts out laughing*

(I think she needed a quad shot that day!)

Beautifully Cute

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work in a store where we’re encouraged to dress fashionably while wearing as many items from the store as possible. I’m coming out of the back room with one of my male coworkers. We’ve just clocked in.)

Coworker: “You have such a cute style!”

Me: “Thanks! I love your shirt!”

(A customer seemingly comes out of nowhere. He looks high.)

Customer: “You shouldn’t say that.”

Us: “…”

Customer: “You should never call a woman cute. She’s beautiful.”

Coworker: “I wasn’t calling her cute.”

Customer: “Good. Because she’s beautiful.”

Us: “…”

Customer: “Beautiful.”

(He continues to smile at me as I put away clothes on their proper racks. With a last, “Beautiful…” he floats over to another part of the store.)

Coworker: “What the h*** was that? I’m gay and you have a girlfriend.”

Me: *jokingly looking into one of our wall mirrors* “Beautiful…”

I’m Going To Have To Gingerly Refuse

, , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work at the front desk at a public library, but I’ve recently been trained to work on the information desk. Basically, the difference is that staff at the information desk will help you find books, and then you check them out at the front desk. Our library is known to have a lot of entitled patrons who think our jobs are to do everything for them, and they pick on new staff. A middle-aged woman approaches me at the information desk one afternoon.)

Woman: “I want some information on the ginger root!”

Me: “Okay, do you want a cookbook about using ginger in food? Or maybe health benefits of herbs?”

Woman: “Yeah, health and therapeutic uses of ginger!”

(This isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve been asked to look up, so I look in our collection and after a while, I find literally only ONE book that is specifically about therapeutic uses of ginger. While I’m searching, she is clear about being impatient, tapping her nails loudly on the desk and asking what’s taking me so long. The book I found is not at our library, so I offer to order it in for her.)

Woman: *getting angrier and angrier* “No, no, I don’t want a book! I want information!”

Me: *thinking I’ve misunderstood* “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand. Do you just want to look up some information on one of our computers?”

Woman: “Yes! I want information about the ginger root!”

Me: *now understanding, and trying to be polite as possible* “Ma’am, you’re more than welcome to log onto one of our computers and look up information about ginger. If you’d like me to sit down with you and help, I can, but otherwise, I need to stay at this desk and help the other patrons. What would you like me to do?”

(The woman stares at me for a few moments and looks like she wants to say something, but she ends up saying, “Well, never mind!” and making a huge fuss about putting on her coat, grabbing her purse, and marching out of the library. My coworker on the desk has witnessed the whole thing.)

Coworker: “Did she actually just ask if you could spoon-feed her information off the Internet?”

(Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time she had come in and pulled a similar stunt. Staff know her by face and name now, and know not to just give in and do everything for her.)

Excessive Demands Are Flowering

, , | Right | January 16, 2019

(I work in a floral shop. It is prom season, and the store is filled with teenagers and their families picking up their corsages and boutonnieres for the dance. Due to the many stacks in the coolers, they are not allowed to reach in and grab one. We will get their items for them and take them to the register ourselves for them to pay.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t bring money; I just came to pick it up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it has not been paid for yet, so I will need payment before you leave the store with it.”

Customer: “No, it’s for my niece. I’m just getting it for her.”

Me: “I understand. However, it is store policy that orders must be paid for before they are picked up.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re not going to give it to me?! I own a business right down the road! I can come back with the money later.”

Me: “I cannot let you take a product before it is paid for. It’s store policy, especially during such a busy time. If you are going to have to come back with the money later, it’s no trouble for us to hold it for you in our cooler.”

(She left the store ranting about how I would not let her take the flowers without paying for them and how she’d never do business with us again. Her niece came in a bit later and paid for them with no trouble. After that lady’s outburst, I avoided her business until she ended up having to close it down the following year.)

Three Million French Doctors

, , | Right | January 16, 2019

(As a public librarian, I often receive phone calls from patrons who don’t own a computer and want me to look up a phone number or a business address. I don’t mind taking these calls, but there are a few patrons who abuse the system. This one takes place less than ten minutes before we close.)

Patron: “I wanted you to see if you could find a doctor named [Doctor].”

Me: “Okay, could you spell his last name for me?”

Patron: “Oh, I don’t know how it’s spelled. Just try it; that should work.”

(I immediately see the difficulty in this, as the name she has given me is French-based and I, unfortunately, am from out of state and therefore unable to guess how that might possibly be spelled. I give it a try, anyway.)

Patron: “Isn’t there a list of doctors in [State] you could look at?”

Me: “Ma’am, even if there was such a thing, there are thousands of doctors in this state, and the list would be quite unwieldy.”

Patron: “Well, couldn’t you search by letter?”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no list like that. Every practice lists the doctors in its employ and nothing more. Do you have the name of his practice?”

Patron: “Just try searching by his name and the state. That should be enough.”

(I am losing patience at this point. Not only has it been a long day that left me with a headache, but the library closes in five minutes and I want to go home. I am beginning to suspect that not only does she not own a computer, but that she has never used one before.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, when I type in the name you gave me — without an exact spelling — I get over three million results to sift through. Are you sure you don’t know how his name is spelled?”

Patron: “No! He’s the son of a woman I lost touch with after a hurricane twelve years ago. I don’t know where she went, but I know he has to be here. Did you put in the name of our state?”

Me: “Okay. When I put in the state name, I get over one million results.”

(The patron laughs loudly and derisively in my ear. When she speaks, her tone is both amused and patronizing, as though a small child just told her the moon is actually Jupiter.)

Patron: “Well, that sounds like BS, but okay. Thank you for all your help. I’ll just try a different way that might get me results.”

Me: “Goodnight.”

(I was more than happy to end that phone call.)

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