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The customer is NOT always right!

Don’t You Fence With Me, People

, , , , , | Friendly Right | July 1, 2022

Our Homeowners Association built a fence around the neighborhood — a lowest bidder type situation. It looks okay. It’s reddish colored and tall enough, but the boards are flimsy. It’s been a few years and it’s starting to fall apart — nails missing, boards fell off, etc. I let the HOA know about it a few months ago. I’ve hammered a few boards in to keep my dogs safe when I let them out, but mostly I’ve been waiting for them to fix it.

They haven’t touched it in months.

I notice one of the panels has come loose — no nails in the upper and middle part, just one in the bottom. Anyone could pull on the fence and walk right into my backyard. I say enough is enough and I go out to fix it all. I replace boards that have fallen from the outside, put the panels back together, and get a solid fence line.

My house backs up to a busy street, and when the red light is on, cars back up all the way past my house area.

I’m on the outside of my fence, trying to get nail holes to line up and screwing things into place, when I become aware of honking noises. Before I can take off my headphones, a large cup of melted ice and watered-down soda slams into the fence next to me and splashes its contents on my right side, soaking my shirt and some of my pants.

Needless to say, I’m startled.

I pull out my headphones and turn to look at the street. The light is green but a husband and lady are holding up traffic. Apparently, they’ve been trying to yell at me and get my attention. When yelling failed, the lady in the passenger seat thought throwing a half-full cup at me was a good way of getting my attention. It worked.

I’m looking at her with a “WTF” look and cars are driving around them honking. I don’t even get to say anything before she starts screeching at me.

Woman: “You need to get off your a** and move down to my fence! I’m tired of my fence being s*** and no one fixing it. How dare you ignore my fence and start down here?!”

No apologies. No civility. Just screeching and throwing her s*** at people and blocking traffic for everyone else.

I’m usually a really nice person, but I’m done with being yelled at for things and putting up with ignorance, so I don’t try to hold back on my anger. I might feel badly later, but for now, I’m more than done.

I put my drill down, grab my water, and take a few steps toward them.

Me: “I don’t work here. I live here.”

Or at least, I attempted. She and her husband aren’t listening. They are both still going off about their fence and lazy, fat, useless employees and the HOA.

I unscrew the large cap off my water bottle. The water splashes on my fingers. It’s ice cold.


Both of their faces go full pucker. As the lady draws breath and starts to shriek again, I toss the contents of my water bottle toward their open window. She gets a decent bit to the face, which shuts her up. I doubt I got the hubby, but enough went in the SUV that I know he’s annoyed.

Me: And if you ever throw something at me again, I’ll beat your g**d*** a**.”

Then, while her screaming in rage was going on, I gathered my drill and went back to work.

The husband jumped out of the SUV, but he was 5’6’ and 150 pounds tops and I’m 6’1” and 300 pounds, so he yelled at me but didn’t try to make contact. I responded with a finger and he got back in his vehicle and flew off with tires screeching. They went thirty feet and had to stop at the light, well within my sight and hearing.

The F-bombs were glorious. Plus, knowing my fence is better than theirs helps.

I shouldn’t be surprised at the way people treat people on the job. But did they think going off and yelling at people would actually succeed? Let alone throwing a cup of old soda at me?

Petty Pretty Priorities

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2022

A woman pulls up to the pump and rushes into the store. She grabs some basic lipstick from a small selection on our counter.

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “$2.69, ma’am.”

Customer: “Crap. I need gas to get home but I only have $5.”

Me: “So, just the gas?”

Customer: “No, I’ll take the lipstick.”

Me: “Are you sure you’ll have enough gas to get home?”

Customer: *Already applying the lipstick* “If I look pretty, I can ask a guy to—” *smacks lips* “—buy some gas for me.”

I finish the transaction with my mouth agape.

Customer: “Usually works.”

Sadly, within minutes… it worked.

Opposite Of Pie In The Sky Thinking

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2022

While in high school I worked part-time at a local gas station that was open 24/7. Being that I live in a fairly small town – pop 10,000 people. We were the only store open after the local bar closed at 2 am.

I worked the overnight shift on the weekends often and around the Thanksgiving holiday, we sold apple and pumpkin pies. I know, who wants to buy a pie at a gas station? We also had an extensive convenience store as well. One Saturday night after the bar closed we are filled with a ton of drinks wanting snacks, smokes, or to wait for the cabs that will show up way to long after we call every available cab in the town to come and take them all away.

One of these lovely drunks decides he wants a delicious pie. He buys it, already armed with a plastic fork from our very small “deli” section, really just a microwave and some plastic utensils and condiments to slather on the disgusting hotdogs that have turned green from being “steamed” for too many hours to count.

He proceeds to take two bites out of the pie before he then drops it all over the floor in front of my cash register. I just looked at him and asked if he was going to clean it up. He bends down, scraps the now dirty floor pie, back into the tin, and continues to eat it.

I asked him if it tasted good and the man looked at me and said “Mmmm, tastes like floor!” He ate the whole pie and did a pretty good job of scraping it back into the tin as well.

Maybe That’s How His Mom Tested If Her Baby Was A Good Egg

, , | Right | July 1, 2022

I witness a young man walk over to our egg section, open a pack, pick up an egg as if to inspect it, and then casually drop it on the ground where it unsurprisingly goes splat.

I stare for a moment to tell myself it was a simple mistake, but then the customer opens another pack, takes another egg, and repeats the doomed experiment.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, please don’t do that to the eggs.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just testing them.”

Me: “For what?”

Customer: “To see if they’re any good.”

Me: “And what does a good egg do when it’s dropped to the ground?”

Customer: “I… don’t know. My mom just told me to check the eggs before I bought them.”

Me: “So, just dropping them on the ground was your first thought?”

Customer: “I thought good eggs might bounce?”

Red Lock Customers Are Red Flags

, , , | Right | July 1, 2022

I work at an escape room where I am required to give a speech about the rules before you go into the room. I’ve got it down so well I could tell it in my sleep and know for a fact I say everything.

One of our rules is that red locks in the room won’t open, they’re just for staff. This particular group is not paying attention whatsoever while I’m telling the rules, claiming that they’re fine and don’t need the rules because they’ve been here before. I’m still going through the speech because I don’t recognize them.

At one point they start taking selfies with each other during the rules clearly ignoring everything I’m saying. I finish up the rules and the story for the room and get them in there.

About five minutes into their game:

Customer: *Messing with a red lock.*

Me: *Over the screen.* “No need to mess with the red locks.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t she tell us that in the beginning?!”