Express Responses

, , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I work in a store that is known for having an online grocery shopping option. Immediately out front is the online shopping pickup area. Even though it is blocked off somewhat and has signs that clearly say, “No parking. Online customers only,” and a call box, people still try to park in this spot. I have some form of this conversation nearly every day, sometimes multiple times a day:)

Me: “Excuse me, sorry, but you can’t park here. This is online shopping only. You need to move your car.”

Customer #1: “But it’s only going to be for a minute! What I want is right inside the door.”

Customer #2: “I’m only waiting for someone.”

Customer #3: “But I’m disabled!”

Customer #4: *pretends to not understand English*

(Every once in a while, a customer will leave their car just sitting in the spot while they run in. If we catch them, we tell the CSM so the owner can be paged. This is my favorite response from the CSM:)

Me: “There’s a car in the express lane.”

CSM: “Is there anyone in it?”

Me: “No, just a dog.”

CSM: “Did you ask the dog to move the car?”

(The best part is, if anyone tries to complain about me or one of my coworkers being rude and telling them to move their car, the customer will have to admit that they parked there.)

Welcome To Retail: We’re All Dying On The Inside

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I’m a cashier at a store that is known for saving more money the more you shop. Just yesterday, I had a regular come in with her WIC checks. No big deal. I love doing WIC. It’s simple, and it makes a**holes behind them go to other registers. I’m on her final check before her EBT things, waiting for the printer to finish, when a coworker goes to the register behind mine for a roll of “paid for” stickers.)

Coworker: “Hey, how are you?”

Me: “Oh, same stuff, different day.”

(I laugh and turn back to my printer. I finally finish the transaction and hand my customer the receipt. She takes her three kids and goes to bag their things. As I’m ringing up my next customer, I hear:)

Customer: “When I was a cashier, I knew when to shut the f*** up and do my d*** job.” 

(I’m holding back tears as I serve customer after customer, my retail smile hiding how much that hurt. I take pride in my work, as low as it is, and as it is I had a mild fever and a funeral to go to the day after. As they leave, I hear:)

Customer: “I can’t wait to call the d*** manager.” 

(Yeah. She never called. Screw you. See if you even get my fake smile next time.)

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It All Comes From The Great Sofa Tree

, , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I’m helping a friend at a craft show. He’s a woodworker selling furniture pieces, so he has a large tent with a no food or drink sign outside. I see a customer walk in with a cup of lemonade that’s sweating in the heat. He starts to set it down on a table.)

Me: “Hey! Please don’t put that there!”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “You’ll leave a water ring on the tabletop, or it could spill.”

Customer: “Well, then you need to get tables that are sturdier. You know people are going to bring drinks in here to look at what you have for sale and set stuff down.”

Me: “The table is what’s for sale!”

Customer: “What?!” *looking around the booth, confused*

Me: “We are here selling handmade furniture.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows you can’t make furniture!” *goes to set his drink down again*

Me: “Sir, you need to leave. Now. Or I’m contacting security.”

(He left, puffing in indignity.)

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Don’t Anger Grandma, Even After She’s Gone  

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2019

(I’ve just gotten out of the hospital after an unexpected heart issue and all I want in life is a salad from a famous fast food place. I know how that sounds, but priorities… I am in line behind a white SUV with my preteen daughter in the passenger seat. As we watch, the man in the SUV is leaning out his window, screaming at the worker. We hear something about not wanting cheese on his burger. He throws the burger and bag back through the window at her, and she spends the next several minutes with the window closed, presumably processing a refund for him.)

Me: “I want you to remember something, [Daughter].”

Daughter: “Don’t be that guy?” *points to the SUV*

Me: “Exactly.” *as recent hospital stay is making me emotional and profound* “There are plenty of real problems going on in the world. Save your energy for being upset at those things. No matter what happens in life, it’s never okay to be rude to anyone who is responsible for giving you food. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or they’re wrong. If you wouldn’t say it to your Grandma as you’re sitting at her table to eat dinner, don’t say it to anyone providing you any goods or services… especially food.”  

(While we are talking, the worker hands Mr. SUV back his money. This doesn’t seem to satisfy him, as he’s still screaming at her about how stupid she has to be to not be able to get him a simple burger. He throws the money back in the window at her.) 

Me: *loudly and with the window open* “And just because his grandma isn’t around right now to turn him over her knee doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t.”

(Mr. SUV swivels his head around to glare at me. I smile sweetly back at him. The worker shoves a bag at him and slams the window closed. He leaves without another word. I can see the worker is fuming red and near tears when I pull up.) 

Me: “Ma’am, I’d just like to apologize to you on behalf of the people in the world like that guy.”  

(She was clearly too upset to talk right then, so she closed the window and walked away. A few minutes later, someone else brought me a bag with my salad… and a free large fry. Case in point.)

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Urgent: I Do Not Think That Means What You Think It Means

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2019

I work at a car dealership. It’s the Friday before a long weekend. We have a busy day booked already, but we anticipate that we’ll get some calls and drop-ins from people who want to go out of town for the holiday and neglected to ensure their car is ready until the very last second. We are correct, but one in particular really takes the cake. He calls and talks to two different people, telling them both that he wants to go to Yosemite and urgently needs to get his service done. They both tell him if he doesn’t want to make an appointment for a future date he can bring in the car and leave it with us and we’ll work it in between or after when customers who had appointments need their cars — our normal answer, holiday weekend or not. We know he’s an extra-special sort of guy because he tells both of them the same thing: we should do his car first because he’s more important than the people who scheduled appointments, and he feels it is urgent because he wants to be on the road as soon as possible. He insists that we have to do this for him.

Both of them tell him the same thing: no, but in a more polite way. They say they don’t have the authority to make that call. So, naturally, he wants to talk to a manager. He hangs up before being connected the first time — perhaps because he is So Important — but the second time does successfully speak to the head of the service department. The manager tells the customer exactly what the other two employees told him: bring it to us and we’ll work it in, but the needs of the customers who scheduled appointments come first because that’s why we recommend scheduling appointments. If he wants it done as soon as possible, the earlier he brings his car the better. He finally relents and says he will bring his car immediately, but we are not to lose sight of how urgent his needs are.

He does end up bringing his car in… almost five hours after he talked to the manager.

Gee, I’m sure sorry we didn’t hold off on working on any other cars until his arrived and was done like his original demand. Obviously, it was very urgent.

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