He Is His Own Flight Risk

, , , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(I am going on holiday with my friend, and a man runs up to us and grabs me.)

Man: “Hey, tell me where I go for my flight.”

Me: “I do not work here, so I can’t tell you.”

Man: “You screw-up! I’ll call [Airline]’s manager and tell them you aren’t prepared to help me, and therefore you should be fired!”

Me: “But I don’t work for [Airline].”

Friend: “No, he doesn’t.”

Man: “Well, if I miss my flight, it’s thanks to [Airline] for hiring you two idiots!”

Friend: “Likely, and tell me when security arrive!”

(My friend and I are both laughing now, and the man storms off, muttering rude things under his breath.)


(I walk up to him and ask him which was his flight.)

Man: “[Flight number] at [time of departure].”

Me: “That flight leaves at 18:55, and it’s 12:04. It leaves from Gate 12, Terminal 1, and we were at Gate 54, Terminal 3.”

Man: “Oh.” *walks off*

Me: *to friend* “And he was calling me a screw-up!”

(We laughed until we figured out we were about to miss our flight!)

Your Friend Is Imaginary, Just Like Your Courtesy

, , , , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

I work in a home decor store where all the registers are at the front, and people go to the next available register. It’s a busy Saturday, so all the registers are staffed and there’s a line. When my previous customer leaves, I look back at where the line starts. I call out that I can help the next person, but no one moves. At the front of a line is a woman with one item — a painting — who seems to be almost deliberately avoiding eye contact. I repeat that I can take the next person, thinking maybe she’s with the customer at the register closest to the line and the people behind her are next, but none of the customers move around her.

After about a minute goes by, I step out from my register so I’m more visible, and call for the next customer again, still to no avail. The customer at the front of the line is looking everywhere but at me. I finally start to walk closer to her, which gets her attention. We go to my register, where I start to ring her out.

“Sorry about that!” she says. “I must not have heard you; I was talking to my friend!”

Not only was she there alone, but she never said a word until she got to my register.

Not So Nice Spice

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(It is a slow day at the take-out restaurant I work for. Our menu has labels that state very clearly if something is “spicy.” I get a call from a frantic semi-regular customer.)

Customer: “You made the dish I picked so spicy!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I know on the menu it says, ‘spicy’! But it is never usually spicy. My mother cannot eat this!”

Me: “Yeah, usually we do not make this dish really ‘spicy’ because of our clients, but some new chefs do not know this. You could always ask for it non-spicy.”

Customer: “I never thought to ask! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, hold one moment; let me talk to my boss.”

(I put her on hold and talk to my boss, who agrees to make a new one — even if it was supposed to be spicy.)

Me: “My boss said we can make you a new one; just bring the old one back. It should take about five minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I want it delivered.”

Me: “Delivered? But you picked it up.”

(Also, the delivery driver would not be tipped, so they would not want to be sent out.)

Customer: “I know, but I do not wish to go back out.”

Me: “Sorry, we cannot deliver it. If you want a new one you have to come get it.”

Customer: “Fine, my mother will just deal with it!” *hangs up*

We’re Not Being Selfish For Denying Your Shellfish

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

My boyfriend works as a delivery driver for a fairly expensive Asian bistro. He told me this story.

He delivered over $100 of sushi rolls to a man who tipped very well. Once he got back to the restaurant, his boss was on the phone with the man, demanding they remake the sushi. My boyfriend would need to send it out. Apparently, the man’s wife was allergic to shellfish, he never told the person who took the order, and he stated that he did not know that the sushi would come in a large platter. He thought each roll would be placed into separate containers. My boyfriend’s boss told him most places put sushi together unless asked otherwise, and he should have stated she had an allergy.

She did not remake the sushi. He called back quite a few times demanding a refund or a remake; she told him no.

Their Response Was Suitably Theatrical

, , | Right | November 14, 2018

(I work in a theater. It’s 11 pm, and since the last movie of the night went in thirty minutes ago, all the staff are working on closing up for the night. As we’re throwing away the last of the day’s popcorn, a man walks up to the concessions counter. Keep in mind, all theaters typically close thirty minutes after the last movie goes in.)

Customer: “Can I buy a ticket from you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the registers are actually all closed now. We do have kiosks, however, and you still have a few minutes to purchase a ticket for [Movie] before it expires for the night.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to see [Movie];I came here to see [Other Movie]!”

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir, but that movie went in over an hour ago and is almost finished, so it won’t be available on the kiosks.”

Customer: “So, are you going to sell me a ticket, then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but as I said, we’re closed for the night, and all of the registers have been put away. There are more showings tomorrow night for it, though, and tomorrow is cheap night.”

Customer: “Are you serious? What am I supposed to do now? Can’t you just let me in?”

Me: “I really can’t help you. Again, I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of a movie theater turning someone away before! I’m a paying customer!” *storms off*

(I’m still trying to figure out if he REALLY intend on paying $12.50 to watch the last twenty minutes of a movie.)

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