Respect For Convenience Trumps Respect For The Dead

, , , | Right | August 23, 2017

(My father is a senior police officer in Amsterdam. During his shift there was a deadly accident involving a car and a pedestrian. After having covered most of the accident up with white sheets and having put up a line to keep the people from walking onto the scene, a woman walks over the line just before my father stops her.)

Father: “Ma’am, you need to stay behind the line. There was an accident and nobody other than the police or medics can come through.”

Woman: “But I need to go over there.” *points to a local shop on the other side of the street*

Father: “I understand that, but walk around. You are walking through—”

Woman: “But I need to go there! It’s shorter this way!”

(She tries to pass my father before he steps in front of her again.)

Father: “Ma’am, I warn you one last time to walk around or I will throw you against the ground and arrest you.”

(At this point the lady had enough and walked passed him before he could stop her. He vthen threw her upon the blood-stained ground. After about five minutes of holding her down with two other officers, she gave up and got handcuffed to a stop sign. She was there till the accident was taken care of and cleaned up, three full hours later.)

Not Happy With The Choices Of Happiness

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

Me: “Hi there, order whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d like two [Children’s] meals.”

(Waits a bit.)

Me: “Okay… do you want the hamburger, cheeseburger, four-piece or six-piece nuggets, or [Specialty Sandwich]?”

Customer: “The nuggets.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “The smaller one.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like apple slices or gogurt?”

Customer: “Apples.”

Me: “Would you like the boy toy or girl toy?”

Customer: “Whaaaat…? Okay, this is too complicated; I’ll catch ya later, sweetie.” *drives off*

(She came back about 30 minutes later, gave it another go, and she dealt with it more constructively.)

If Only He Could Hear Himself

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

(I have “Deaf friendly” on my nametag. After a customer, who is maybe in his fifties, and I have an ENTIRELY VERBAL conversation, at the end of the transaction he stops me directly in the middle of my “have a good day,” and we engage in the following:)

Me: “Okay, have a good da—”

Man: “Can you hear me?”

Me: “Wh… what?”


Me: “What?! I can hear you, yeah…”

Man: “You’re not deaf?”

Me: “What?”


Me: “Uh, no, I’m hearing. I can hear you right now.”

Man: “But your nametag says ‘DEAF friendly.’ You’re not deaf?”

Me: “No, I know ASL and am also an interpreting student.”

Man: “Well, that’s not right; you should specify you’re hearing. That way people won’t think you’re a… deaf person.”

Me: “I’m confused, I’m sorry.”

Man: “You should write ‘hearing’ on your nametag so people don’t misunderstand your confusing nametag.”

Me: “So you want me to publicly announce my hearing status on my nametag, rather than have me keep my current one, which indicates I can communicate in another language if needed?”

Man: “Well… I don’t know. So you’re NOT deaf, right?”

Me: No, sir.”

Man: “Ok, see ya!”

(This… this is a horror story to put in the books. He was rude about it and was serious about my nametag suggestion… Too funny to NOT share!)

Someone Needs To Write These Books

, , , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Woman: *who sounds like a little old lady* “Hi, [My Name], do you have fitness books?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Woman: “Can you look up some titles for me?”

Me: “Sure!”

Woman: “The first is called ‘Call Me Miss Shapely Legs.’ Now, [My Name], please repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *puzzled by the odd title, but repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking directly into the phone. Repeat it again, please.”

Me: *repeats it again, at this point still feeling sympathetic, thinking the woman is hard of hearing* “I’m sorry, ma’am, nothing comes up for it.”

Woman: “Really? Nothing? Why is that?”

Me: “Because we can’t get it in. It might be an older book, or out of print.”

Woman: “That’s too bad, I can’t believe you can’t get it! Well, the next book is ‘We Made Love Now I Have to Kill You.’ [My Name], repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *says it back quietly, as there’s a line of customers standing right there and I feel somewhat embarrassed saying this into the phone!*

Woman: “I can’t hear you. Speak up and repeat it again.”

Me: *repeats it more clearly*

Woman: “I still can’t hear you.”

Me: *practically shouts the title into the phone*

(Customers and coworkers at the counter are all staring at me and snickering. Lo and behold, this book doesn’t come up either.)

Woman: “Okay, [My Name], how about ‘I Have the Strength of 10,000 Muscular Women.’ Now [My Name], repeat that title back to me please so I know you have it right.”

Me: *gritting teeth, repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking into the phone!”

Me: *convinced I’m being pranked at this point* “‘I. HAVE. THE. STRENGTH. OF. TEN. THOUSAND. MUSCULAR. WOMEN.’ I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO THE PHONE. NOTHING IS COMING UP IN THE COMPUTER FOR IT. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. I have to go. my boss is calling me.”

(My coworkers never let me live down that a little old lady prank called me.)

Why Horse Around When You Can Giraffe?

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

(I work night shift at a local hotel. About half an hour into my shift, the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got a question. What’s your policy on hotels?”

(The customer is obviously drunk.)

Me: *pausing, not quite sure if I heard properly* “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “What’s your policy on hotels?”

Me: “Well, I like them.”

Customer: “So, if I come to your hotel and I don’t like it, you won’t kick me out?”

Me: “Nope, promise.”

Customer: “I got one more question. What if I want to bring some exotic animals with me?”

(At this point, all doubt that this is a prank call is gone; in fact, in the hotel industry, this is a fairly common prank. I decide to have some fun with the ‘customer.’)

Me: “Well, you could certainly eat them on the way.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to eat them. I want to bring them as pets.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t allow any pets.”

Customer: “What about a miniature giraffe?”

Me: “Sure, you could eat that on the way.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to eat it.”

Me: “Why not? You should expand your horizons. It might be delicious. You don’t know!”

Customer: “That’s a really expensive meal, though.”

Me: “Well, sometimes you have to treat yourself!”

Customer: *laughs, hangs up*

(I share the story with the bartender and his friend who happens to be present, and we all get a good chuckle. Perhaps five minutes later, the phone rings again. Our caller ID tells me that it’s the same person.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to find out where you are.”

Me: “We’re at [Address, plus directions].”

Customer: “Okay, I have another question. What’s your pet policy?”

Me: “Well, we allow miniature giraffes.”

Customer: *laughs uncontrollably*

Me: “Were you aware that we have caller ID, Mr. [Customer]? Because we totally do.”

Customer: *click*

(He didn’t call back after that.)

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