The Richest Are The Biggest Penny Pinchers

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(I work as a cashier for a large chain grocery store. It is the end of the night, and I am the only register open since my supervisors are clearing the self-checks. A sports celebrity known for his facial hair comes through my line with his friends.

They’re buying about three carts full of various party supplies like cups, chips, and drinks. He and his friends completely ignore any of my small talk questions like whether they found everything okay. I’m fine with that, as it is late and I’m not much for small talk by then, either. This happens at the end of the transaction.)

Me: “Your total is $602.77.”

(The customer gives me six $100 bills and then stares at me expectantly.)

Me: “All right, that will be $2.77.”

(The customer looks at me like I’m crazy.)

Customer: “What? You can’t cover that for me?”

Me: “No, sir, that will be $2.77.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t cover that for me.”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t want my drawer to be short at the end of the night. That will be $2.77.”

(The customer glares for a moment before dramatically pulling out his wallet and swiping his gold credit card. I speak to him while printing the receipt.)

Me: “Thank you, sir, I hope you have a—”

(I was cut off as he snatched the receipt out of my hand, turning up his nose with an annoyed grunt, and walked away. I mentioned it to my manager later and she said I should have let him go on the $2.77, as a local celebrity coming in is good for business. 

A month later, he was traded to a team in another state, with a multi-million dollar signing bonus.)

Hamburgers Are The Cure

, , , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

I was talking with the waiter at a restaurant yesterday about how crazy the people are being about buying supplies due to the panic buying. My local grocery store was out of expected items such as water, toilet paper, and paper towels. The cheap eggs were gone, but the more expensive eggs were untouched. More unexpected to me, at least, was that shelves were bare of other basics like hamburgers.

The waiter indicated they have been having problems too: people were stealing the toilet paper from their restrooms. I can just imagine the next customer in the restroom…

You Catch More Fries With Honey Mustard

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(This takes place at a fast food place across the street from a major regional hospital, so it’s always busy, especially the drive-thru. When I walk in, I notice an older woman, with whom I assume is her daughter, trying to place an order on one of their new self-ordering boards. I get in line to order at the register. A few moments later, the woman goes ballistic.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! All I want to do is place an order. Why is everything so difficult? You!”

(She points to an employee who appears from the back, carrying another customer’s order.)

Customer: “Why doesn’t this thing work?”

(The employee hands the order to the intended customer and then comes over to help.)

Employee #1: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! All I want to do is place an order. This lady is trying to help me but she can’t make it work, either.”

(So, it isn’t her daughter. They go to the board to try to place her order. Another employee appears to take the next order at the cash register.)

Customer: “No! No, this isn’t working. Why doesn’t anything work?”

(She sees the new employee at the cash register.)

Customer: “All I want to do is place an order. Can you take my order?”

Employee #2: “Of course, ma’am. Just let me finish this order.”

(The customer then turns to me:)

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a hurry. All I want is to order one simple thing. I don’t understand why I have to go through all this. I waited here at the register for five minutes and no one was here to take my order.”

(I catch the startled look on the cashier’s face. It’s a busy lunch hour and he is moving constantly between the back and the register, but he can’t have left the register unmanned for more than thirty seconds or so. I roll my eyes at him, letting him know I don’t believe her, either. He finishes with the customer in front of me, and I gently nudge the woman forward.)

Me: “Here, you go ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, no, you’re next.”

Me: “No, no, you’re frustrated and upset and obviously in a hurry. You only want one item, so go ahead. I insist.”

(She protests again, I insist again, and she goes ahead and places her order. She only wants an apple pie. She pays with her card, getting frustrated again because the card reader isn’t reading fast enough to suit her. While this is going on, [Employee #1] gets her order in a bag and hands it to her as soon as she finishes paying and she leaves.

I step forward, smile knowingly at [Employee #2], and place my order. He rings it in… and then zeroes out the payment.)

Me: “Oh, but—”

Employee #2: “Don’t worry about it. You were nice to her, so I’ll be nice to you.”

(I thanked him and enjoyed my free lunch. See, it pays to be polite!)

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Expecting You To Pick Something Out Of The Blue, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 1, 2020

(I’m the clueless customer in this story. My regular mechanic sends me to this auto shop to get new tires in order for my car to pass inspection.)

Me: “Hi, I need four new tires for my car.”

Employee: “Great! What kind of car do you have?”

Me: “It’s a 2007 Toyota RAV4.”

Employee: “Is it the sports model?”

Me: “Um, I don’t know.”

Employee: “What kind of engine does it have?”

Me: “I have no idea.”

Employee: “Well, is it a—” *starts naming types of engines*

Me: “It’s blue.”

(A mechanic behind him burst out laughing and offered to go check my car for the information they needed. I apologized for being clueless about my own car but he said not to worry, he really needed a good laugh that day.)

Related:
Expecting You To Pick Something Out Of The Blue

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Trapped In The Kar(ma) Park

, , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I am an operator for a security company. I oversee the fleet, alarms, and cameras and answer calls. We have one gate we have to watch out of a parking complex, as a lot of people try to skip paying, saying the machine is broken.

We are instructed to, no matter what, not open the gate unless people have paid for their tickets. If the machine is broken, I have to let people know that the bill will be sent to the owner of the car instead, seeing as we see the license plate.

One guy calls in:)

Customer: “Hey, I’m at [parking complex] and the machine is broken. Can you open the gate?”

Me: “Have you tried [possible solution]?”

Customer: “Just open the gate, please.”

Me: “I can do that but I have to caution that the machine should be up and running, so if I open the gate I’ll have to send the owner of the car a bill for it.”

Customer: “But the gate is broken.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but you have to pay either way.”

Customer: “OPEN THE D*** GATE!”

Me: “Sir, I have to know if you accept that the payment will fall to the owner of the car. It’s policy.”

Customer: “No, I do not accept! Let me out!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t until you acknowledge what I just said.”

Customer: “I’m calling the cops! This is stealing!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Feel free to call the police.”

Customer: “Call the cops! I want you to do it!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not calling the cops; they have enough on their plate.”

Customer: “I’m going to f****** kill you!”

Me: “That’s unfortunate.”

Customer: “What’s your name?!”

Me: “I do not have to provide you with my name. If you have a complaint, my company has ways to figure out who you spoke to.”

Customer: “Where are you?! Come here so I can kick your a**!”

Me: “I’m not coming to you so you can kick my a**.”

(My coworkers are listening intently. I’m usually the one who handles calls like this because I remain indifferent to threats and shouting. I care when you’re polite but I don’t have any sympathy for rudeness, and least of all for threats of violence.)

Customer: “Where are you?! Tell me, so I can come kick your a**!”

Me: “I’m at our HQ at [address]. If you have trouble finding it, it’s the big building full of security guards. You’re being extremely rude, so I’m not letting you out. You can walk home and get your car tomorrow. Have a good night.”

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