If The Shoe Doesn’t Fit…

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(I work in a company that sells books, furniture, stationery, and other supplies to schools. The office I work in has several phones, but our direct numbers are not given out anywhere, and all calls come to us through the receptionist. One day, one of our phones starts ringing with the ringtone that means it’s an external call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a question about your footwear selection.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “The what?”

Me: “The wrong number. You’ve called the wrong place. We don’t sell footwear.”

Caller: “Well… What do you do?”

Me: “We sell supplies for schools, like books, classroom furniture, that sort of thing.”

Caller: “Do you sell school uniforms?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Shoes are part of uniforms, so you must sell footwear.”

Me: “We don’t sell uniforms.”

Caller: “Can you just check?”

Me: “Check what?”

Caller: “Can you just check with somebody else to make sure you don’t sell shoes? I just have a question about your sizing.”

Me: “I’m sorry; you have the wrong number. Please check the number for the company you wanted and try calling them again.”

(I hung up the phone, and relayed the story to my colleagues, who got a laugh out of it. Unfortunately, one of the other phones in the office started ringing, again with the external call ringtone, and we remembered that all the phones in our office, and the other large office on the same floor of the building, have consecutive numbers. The guy called eleven phones in our building to ask about shoe sizes before he either got the point, or reached the end of the phone number sequence!)

Taking Those Comments A Bridge Too Far

, , , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(The Natural Bridge is an impressive stone arch in the mountains of Virginia that has been listed on the great wonders of the world. I am working in a nearby hotel and we have gotten the following complaints in our guestbook.)

Note #1: “We really enjoyed the walking tour, the history, and the light show, but were very disappointed that the waterfall was turned off.”

Note #2: “We were very impressed that everyone spoke English and we did not have to exchange our money for the local currency.”

Note #3: “Please install more rides; we were very bored.”

There Is Norway You’re British

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2017

(I am from the UK, and work in a theme park which has a number of different countries represented around a lagoon. My name badge says my hometown and “England,” I have a heavy British accent, and there is British theming all around.)

Guest: “So, where in Norway are you from?”

Stamping Out This Scam

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2017

Customer: “I have a full stamp card here; I’d like my free sandwich today.”

Coworker: “Oh, all right! Sounds good! Let me just ring up your chips and drink.”

Customer: “Fine.”

Coworker: “Can I please have your stamp card?”

Customer: “No.”

Coworker: “Oh, so, you… don’t want to use your free sandwich today?”

Customer: “No, I do. But I was told by one of the other girls that I could keep the card. You must be new.”

Coworker: *who has worked there for almost seven months* “Uh… but we can’t give you the free sandwich without taking the full card.”

Customer: “I want my free sandwich!”

Coworker: *to me* “I can get a second opinion, if you like?”

Me: *to customer* “Yeah, I’m so sorry, but we can’t give you your free sandwich without taking the full stamp card. If we let people keep their cards, they could just come back another day and get another free sandwich.”

(I don’t actually say “stealing” because I don’t want to offend her, but it’s obvious what she is trying to pull.)

Customer: *obviously very annoyed* “That doesn’t make any sense. I want my free sandwich, now! And you had better fill my soup cup up all the way this time!”

Coworker: *managing a smile* “Yes, of course, ma’am; let me just finish ringing you up.” *physically pries the stamp card from the lady’s fingers*

Why On Earth Would You Need To Know Where On Earth

, , , | Right | December 16, 2017

(I work in an airport.)

Customer: “How long does it take to get to Glasgow?”

Me: “But you’re in Glasgow.”

Customer: “Duh! I need to know how long it will take to get here.”

Me: “From where?”

(Blank stare.)

Me: “I need to know where you would be departing from.”

Customer: “Why on earth do you need to know that?”

Me: “Because flying from Australia would take considerably longer than if you were to fly from say, Southampton.”

Customer: “That’s stupid. You work in an airport and you can’t even answer such a simple question!” *walks away*

(I saw him approach several other staff, but none were able to help him. He left shouting about how incompetent we all were.)

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