Time To Appoint A Different Voice

, , , | Right | July 21, 2018

(I work in a government call centre. Occasionally customers have appointees to speak and handle their affairs for them. I receive a call from a man who is clearly inebriated, but we finally get through security questions. I realise he has an appointee, so I am unable to make the changes to his account that he requests.)

Me: “I am sorry, [Customer]; I cannot change that information without your appointee’s permission.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. She is with me now; I’ll put her on.”

(A moment later I hear voice say, “Hello,” but it is clearly still the customer.)

Me: “Hello, who is this, please?”

Customer: “I am [Appointee]; I am the appointee.”

Me: “[Customer], I know that is you. Is the appointee really available for me to speak to?”

Customer: “Yes, I am the appointee!”

Me: “[Customer]…”

Customer: “Yes? *pause as he realises what he just said* “Who am I speaking with? My name is [Appointee] and I am an appointee!”

(After several failed attempts to speak to his appointee failed, I had to end the call. He didn’t even bother disguising his voice in any way!)

Oil Need You To Repeat That

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2018

(I work at a high-dollar retail store that sells mainly clothing but has some food products in the back. A lady walks up to the registers, which are also used for returns.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

(Drops a bottle of olive oil, about two-thirds full, on the counter with a receipt.)

Me: “All right, ma’am. Is there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yeah. I drank some of it, and it tasted terrible!”

(I just stand there, silent and dumbfounded for a moment, then call over my supervisor to approve the return, since it was opened. The customer gets her money and walks away.)

Me: *to supervisor* “Is there any reason to drink olive oil?”

Supervisor: “Not that I’m aware of.”

(Twenty minutes later, the same lady went to another register and bought the exact same brand of olive oil.)

Words To Get You Shot

, , , , | Right | July 21, 2018

(I work as a holistic/massage therapist in a chiropractor’s office. We primarily handle patients who are recovering from injuries. I love the work, but I have developed a serious case of carpal tunnel and had to switch careers until it is healed. My husband and I decide to take a concealed carry class together, since we both like to go out to the range to shoot, etc. One of my former patients just happens to be in the class. Note: I’m in my mid-20s but still get mistaken for 18 or 19, and this man is in his mid-50s. At the beginning of class:)

Former Patient: “Hey! I thought that was you! How are you, [My Name]?”

Me: “I’m great! My hand is doing much better, and I’ve been looking forward to this class.”

Former Patient: “Me, too! Well, enjoy the class.”

(The first day of the class is all in a “school” setting; we’re all seated at tables in uncomfortable metal chairs for several hours. When it’s time for a break:)

Former Patient: *to me, LOUDLY, from across the room* “Man! My back is killing me! I wish I could lay down on this table and let you do me right here!”

(The entire class stares.)

Me: *speechless and mortified*

My Husband: *laughing… not helpful*

(As soon as the man walks out of the room I turn to the rest of the class.)

Me: “I just want everyone to know that I used to be his holistic therapist at a chiropractor’s office. That’s it.”

(You can see the sigh of relief that sweeps through the rest of the students, and they all go on their breaks.)

My Husband: “So, you think they all thought you were a teenage hooker trying to get her gun license?”

Let Me Educate You On Politeness

, , , , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(While the company I work for is country-wide, customer service is mostly province-based, so as customer service agents, we normally don’t deal with calls from or about a province outside our own. A guy from one of our suppliers calls the English-speaking line, but speaks to me in French.)

Caller: “Hi, could you transfer me to the service line closest to Mississauga?”

(That’s in Ontario. Unfamiliar with that particular city, or where it is exactly, I try to deduce which center would be closest.)

Me: “Is that near Ottawa?”

(He speaks French and reached the Quebec line, so I think he might be based near the capital, which is very bilingual and close to the provincial border.)

Caller: *laughs* “That’s kind of right next to Toronto! My brother used to be minister for the education; guess he did his job wrong!”

Me: *silent and unimpressed, looking for the right number to transfer him*

Caller: *after a moment not awkward enough for how rude he just was* “Well, it’s a beautiful place.”

Me: “I’m sure it is. Let me put you on hold to transfer you.”

(I’m guessing he didn’t realize he had gotten a line in another province, but it was still incredibly rude. I got a call from a different guy from the same supplier right after, and he was super pleasant.)

Helping His Girl AND The Environment

, , , | Right | July 20, 2018

(A male customer is wandering alone through my work. He appears to be a “tough guy” — he has long hair and obviously works out. He wanders around for a few minutes before stopping my coworker.)

Customer: “I’m looking for these for my wife. She says they have to be the same brand.”

(He reveals a piece of a tampon box without looking embarrassed or anxious.)

Coworker: “Sure, we have those. Let me show you.”

(She gets him the tampons and rings him up. He pays, grabs the box, and then WALKS OUT OF THE STORE with in it plain sight.)

Me: “Did that just happen?”

Coworker: “He said he didn’t need a bag.”

Me: “Wow.”

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