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The customer is NOT always right!

Sadly, This Happens, And That’s The Gospel Truth

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2022

Customer: “Do you sell the Bible here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which version would you like?”

Customer:The Bible.”

Me: “Yes, I understand. Which version?”

Customer: “The one Jesus wrote.”

The Long And Short Of It Is: No

, , , | Right | November 29, 2022

A girl comes into my salon. I take her to my seat and put the cape around her.

Me: “So, how are we going to cut it?”

Customer: “Can you cut it so it’s longer?”

Me: “You mean like hair extensions?”

Customer: “No, not fake hair. Can you cut it so it’s longer?”

Me: “No, but I can cut it so it’s shorter.”

She glares at me with the stare of Medusa.

Customer: “Ugh, forget it. Men can’t cut hair!”

She ripped off the cape and stormed off. All the other clients in the salon looked just as confused as I did.

Not So Closed Minded, Part 29

, , , | Right | November 29, 2022

It is the early days of the Internet, and I am doing tech support.

Caller: “Am I in time to dial in?”

Me: “What do you mean, sir?”

Caller: “Well, what time does the Internet close?”

I had to stifle a giggle for a moment and then explain to the old guy. He was very pleasantly surprised!

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 28
Not So Closed Minded, Part 27
Not So Closed Minded, Part 26

Defending This Guy Is A Tall Order

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ew1959 | November 28, 2022

I’m a professional, dressed in a suit and tie. As I’m a bit over six feet tall, I’m often asked to get things off the upper shelves for shorter shoppers when I’m shopping. If asked nicely — 99.9% do ask nicely — I’m glad to help. That .1%, though…

I have just gotten off work, and I need to buy groceries for the week. A grandmotherly-looking lady who’s maybe 4’10” asks me if I’d please get something she couldn’t reach. She is very sweet, and once I’ve gotten her item, she thanks me and goes on her way.

At that point, a man who’s maybe 5’2″ yells at me from halfway down the aisle.

Man: *Rudely* “Come get this [item] for me!”

He makes it sound like an order — no please or anything. I ignore him. This pisses him off, so he gets louder and begins cursing very loudly. I walk past him, just doing my shopping and ignoring his outburst.

Man: “Hey, dumbs***, I’m talking to you!”

I stop.

Me: “You need to lower your voice.”

Man: *Even louder* “You helped her; now f****** help me!”

Me: “She was nice and polite. You’re a jerk, so no.”

Man: *Now screaming* “I WANT YOUR MANAGER!”

I break up laughing.

Me: “When did this store’s employees start wearing suits?”

People are watching at this point. I start to walk away, but this jerk grabs my arm and tries to pull me around.

Sadly, I have a severe case of PTSD from a situation when I was a teen. I spin around and punch him his the face; I don’t mean to, but it’s a reflex to being bullied. He goes down, bleeding from his now broken nose.

People start rushing over. I’m beside myself, saying I’m sorry. The man gets up screaming about having me arrested.

I guess someone called the cops or they were already in the store as they appear in what seems like seconds.

Man: “This guy just walked up and punched me!”

A couple dozen witnesses tell the officers what really happened. One officer goes to watch the security video and comes back.

Officer: *To me* “Would you like to press charges for assault?”

Then, the guy freaked out and took a swing at a police officer. He was arrested for assault, assault against a law enforcement officer, and public vulgarity. I didn’t even know there was a law about that last one.

I found out at the trial that this was his fourth time being arrested for similar offenses and that he’d been banned from four other stores in the area. As a repeat offender, he received six years in state prison and to $10,000 fine.

Maybe Sending Smoke Signals Would Have Been Clearer

, , , | Right | November 28, 2022

A customer in his fifties or so with a giant white beard struts into the store with a half-smoked Marlboro in one hand. As soon as I see him walk through the door:

Me: “Sir, there’s no smoking in here.”

I point to the sign on the door. He ignores me, and I have to ignore him because there are other customers in line. I get through them, and by this time, four or five people have come in behind him. All the while, he’s still smoking, and I tell him again:

Me: “Sir, there’s no smoking in here.”

He absolutely ignores me. He comes up to the front.

Customer: “I want $20 on pump three.”

Me: *This time with gusto* “Sir, there’s no smoking in here.”

He ignores me and tries to slide his card without me having even rung him up for anything. Suddenly, this guy behind him grabs the dude’s hand, pulls the cigarette out of it, and crushes it in his fist.

Other Customer: “I don’t know where you’re from, buddy, but if I had been him, I woulda kicked your a** after the second time.”

The old guy turned a deep red and just stormed out of the store.