A Beautiful Siren Song

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(Our auto insurance call center shuts down at 10:00 pm everyday. It is 9:55 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t care who you are. I hope this is being recorded. I have called in multiple times and no one has helped me yet!”

Me: “I apologize for your experience, sir. If you want, I can get my manager on the phone to help you out.”

Customer: “No, you will do my claim and no one else.”

Me: “All righty then, sir. Let’s get started.”

(I continue to take his information to finish his claim. We are one step from being completed with his claim when I hear the customer cursing someone else out on the other side of the line and then a loud bang.)

Me: “Sir, is everything, okay?”

Customer: “Why are you worried about what’s going on over here? Aren’t you supposed to be taking my information for the claim?”

Me: “Sir, I heard a loud bang and was just wanting to make sure everything or everyone was all right.”

Customer: “Mind your own d*** business, you piece of s***!”

(Little do I know that my manager is shadowing my call and has already called the police to trace the number.)

Manager: *pulls one earphone off my head and mutes my call* “Keep him on the phone for a few more minutes.”

Customer: “Excuse me, are you even listening? I thought it was your job to take my call,and listen to what I say, and take my information.”

Me: “I have been listening, sir, and we have one more step to do. Here are the dates that are available to get your vehicle in the shop.” *tells customer the dates* “Which would work best for you?”

Customer: “Let’s go with [date].” *sirens in the background*

Me: “Thank you, sir. Would you like this information to be sent to you via email or via text?”

Customer: “Here’s my phone number for the text. I have to go now; I’m in trouble.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. Again my name is [My Name], and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, sir.”

Might Need A Stone For Him Very Soon, Too

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(We have a family business that sells gravestones. My husband is manning our shop when an elderly man walks in.)

Husband: “Good afternoon.”

Customer: “I want to order a stone for my wife.”

Husband: “If you’d like to come through to the office, and take a seat, I will show you some samples, and designs.”

(The elderly man walks very carefully, feeling his way with his stick, up to the two steps and into the hallway. After half an hour or so, the transaction is complete and the man stands up.)

Customer: “Where are the steps? How many are there?”

(He feels his way slowly down them, walks to the door, and asks:)

Customer: “Wasn’t there another step here?”

(My husband is concerned as to how he will manage to walk up the road, as there are a number of roads to cross. He mentions this to him, only to be told:)

Customer: “Oh, its all right; I have my car keys here.”

(He walked over to the car outside, got in, and drove away.)

 

Madness In Bloom

, , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I work in a flower shop. It’s a Saturday during prom season, and a lot of people are coming to pick up their flowers. Our first customer of the morning walks up with a huge scowl already on her face.)

Customer: *quiet and unintelligible*

Manager: “Hi! Can I help you?”

Customer: *glaring* “Pickup.”

Manager: “Okay, what name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

(I go through the stack of order slips looking for hers while my manager goes to the cooler to get her flowers. The customer’s glare intensifies as I flip through the stack as if I’m personally offending her by not instantly producing her slip. My manager returns with the customer’s order. It’s a wrist corsage and boutonniere set, and it’s absolutely beautiful.)

Manager: “Here you are!”

Customer: “I don’t think I like this.”

Manager: “Um—”

Customer: *picks up the gorgeous corsage like it’s a piece of poop and turns up her nose at it* “No, this isn’t what I envisioned at all.”

Manager: “I can definitely fix it for you. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Did you make this?”

Manager: “Yes, I did.”

Customer: “Are you the person who took my order over the phone?”

Manager: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t what I wanted at all.”

Manager: “What would you like me to change? This is the peach and champagne ribbon you told me to use, and these are the types of flowers we talked about, and this is the peach color you wanted for the boutonniere—”

Customer: “Do you have a book I can look at?”

Manager: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, can you give me some ideas or something?”

Manager: “What don’t you like about it?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I just don’t like it.”

Manager: “I’m trying to help make it what you want.”

Customer: “But you don’t even have a book or anything. I thought it would be a lot bigger than this.”

(The corsage is already bigger than average, something we all remarked on when my manager made it.)

Manager: “I can add more flowers to it, but that will raise the price.”

Customer: “It’s not about the money. I just don’t like it.”

Manager: “If you can tell me what you do want—”

Customer: “You go back to what you were doing when you got here. I need to deal with my feelings for a minute.”

(She then walks two or three steps away from the counter and stands there, motionless, glaring into space with her fists clenched at her sides for about two minutes. Finally:)

Customer: “You know what? I have another idea.”

(And with that, she walked out, without paying for her flowers.)

The Wrong Person Got Their Jaw Wired Shut

, , , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I was recently in a pretty bad car accident that left me with a broken jaw which had to be wired shut. While I can talk, I tend to avoid it since it is painful at times, and it is sometimes hard to understand me. My boss understands this, and has even gone so far as to have these big “Cannot Speak” signs made up with some details to explain my problem. For the most part, the customers have been nice and understanding about it. One day, around noon, I’m sweeping the front of the store when a smartly-dressed woman steps through the door. She walks over to me and asks where something is, and I don’t answer. Instead, I wave in the direction of the manager who comes over and asks what it is she wants, while I go back to sweeping. The woman asks and is directed to what she needs, and the manager comes back and tells me to ring her up.)

Woman: “Oh, hell no. I don’t want him ringing me up.”

Manager: “And why not? Did he do something wrong?”

Woman: “No, it’s just that he’s obviously a [disabled slur]. I don’t want this waste of human space screwing up anything.

Me: “Not [disabled slur].” *my words slur due to clenched teeth*

Woman: “See? They can’t even talk right. If I were president, I’d have all of them aborted before birth.”

Me: “Not [disabled slur].” *slurred again*

Woman: “Oh, shut up and let the adults do business.”

(I held up a finger to my manager, who I could see was VERY pissed. Walking over, I picked up a piece of paper from the copier, snagged a marker, and wrote out, “You ignorant, uneducated bigot. I can’t speak because I had a car accident, which you may have read about in the newspaper. My jaw is wired shut.” I turned the paper around so she could read it. I watched her look at it, look at me, and then look at the manager. You could almost hear the gears working in her mind as she started to blush, and refused to look at me the entire time. Shortly after she left, one of the regulars who overheard the conversation noted that it was everything he could do not to smack her in the head, in the hopes it might knock some sense into her.)

The Beginning Of The End

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(I’m working at the movie theater, taking tickets at the door, when a very angry-looking woman in her fifties comes up to me.)

Me: *steeling myself* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “We wanted to see [Movie], and we sat down, and this wasn’t the movie we wanted! You sent us to the wrong theater, and [Movie] has already started.”

(I’ve been a bit scatterbrained today and I think that maybe I have made a mistake.)

Me: “I’m very sorry about that; I must have misread your ticket. If you take it up to the box, I’m sure they’ll exchange it for you.”

(The lady stomps off and returns about twenty minutes later with her husband.)

Customer: *waving the ticket in my face, which is not for the movie that they wanted* “We wanted to see [Movie]! This is the wrong ticket!”

(My coworker has been known to print the wrong ticket before, but she is fairly new, so I assume it has happened again.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but if you take that ticket to the box office, you can have it switched out for your movie.”

(About half an hour later, my manager comes out looking disgruntled.)

Manager: “Some people are such a**holes! Did you get a couple in their fifties through here?”

Me: “Yeah, the ones that got sent to the wrong theater?”

Manager: “They weren’t in the wrong theater. I was in box when they got their tickets, and they definitely didn’t ask for [Movie]. They were trying to scam us out of free movie tickets because they didn’t like the beginning.”

Me: “They didn’t like the beginning? Are you kidding me?”

(My manager threw up her hands and walked away.)

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