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The customer is NOT always right!

It’s Hilarious When They Bring Themselves Up To Date

, , , , , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I am the manager of a grooming salon within a pet store. Because we are short-staffed, the salon is closed on Mondays.

On Tuesday morning, I arrive to an email from the corporate office informing me that I need to contact an irate customer. She claims that she had an appointment scheduled for that Monday and the salon was empty when she arrived. This is impossible as Mondays are blocked off and scheduling simply isn’t available when no employees are on the books.

I pull up all of her appointment information and give her a call.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Pet Salon]. I had a message about an issue with your appointment?”

The next ten minutes are a profanity-laden barrage as she screams about how incompetent my employees and I are. How dare we schedule an appointment for her and not arrive to groom Fluffy?! And so on.

I allow her to continue uninterrupted until she tires herself out.

Me: “I see here we had Fluffy down for an appointment on the twenty-third.”

Client: “Yes, yesterday, Monday the twenty-third, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Ma’am, yesterday was the twenty-first. Wednesday is the twenty-third.”

Client:Yesterday was the twenty-third, you stupid little…”

Her rant trails off as she clearly pulls her phone down from her face to check the calendar app on her phone. Then, suddenly, she hangs up, presumably as she realizes that the twenty-third is, in fact, this Wednesday and that she spent ten minutes screaming and cursing at me because of her own incompetence.

I call back.

Me: “Oh, no, it seems like we got disconnected!”

She immediately hung up again. I marked a note on the incident report from corporate that the issue remained unresolved, as the customer had ended the phone call. I checked back later that day to see that the district manager had also contacted her, only to be immediately hung up on, as well.

Tapping Into Their Private Matters

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

This interaction is mostly through email (and paraphrased).

Client: “I want to talk to someone.”

Me: “Of course. Please let us know what this is about, so I can redirect your email if needed.”

Client: “I want to talk to someone. It’s about my home.”

Me: “I understand, but what is the matter?”

Client: “That is private. Please redirect my mail to someone who can call me.”

Me: “I’d love to, but I need to get the gist of what this is about so I can ask the right person to call you.”

Client: “I want someone to call me.”

Me: “If you want to speak to someone live, you can call our customer service. If you want someone to call you, please tell us what it is about.”

Client: “You are invading my privacy!”

Me: “I understand that it’s an inconvenience to explain things, but we have over 600 people working here, from technicians to administrators. If you want me to redirect your email to the right department, I have to know more.”

Client: “Fine! My water tap is leaking.”

Me: “Oh, that is indeed an inconvenience. Luckily, I can help you with that. We can make an appointment with a plumber for you.”

Client: “I don’t want an appointment with a plumber. I want someone to call me!”

I decide I’ve had enough of it, leave my station, and pick one with a phone. I call the client.

Client: “Ugh, finally! That person in the email was so rude — not helpful at all! Anyway, now that you’re calling, my neighbour is parking outside the lines on the parking lot.”

Me: “I thought your email mentioned a leaking tap?”

Client: “I just said that because that annoying person kept on asking. Now, what will you do about my neighbour’s parking?”

It was a public parking place, so we did nothing. She did not like that.

Unable To Switch Their Mindset

, , , , , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

Of all the times I have seen customers complain in the store, between games that “weren’t what the box claimed to be” and fried consoles being blamed on us, the one that I remember the most was when an older woman with an upset preteen in tow came to the counter of my shop, put down a Nintendo Switch box, and said, verbatim:

Customer: “This piece of garbage doesn’t come with Parental Control installed! And don’t tell me it’s there. I have worked on computers for twenty years; I can tell when a feature is missing!”

Me: “Madam, you may have worked on computers for twenty years, but it’s a matter of fact that the Nintendo Switch does have a Parental Control mode. Would you like me to demonstrate?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter. This model doesn’t have it installed. If it did, I would’ve seen it already.”

And so on and so forth, until my manager told me to just give her a replacement plus a fee.

This Is Not An Exchange With The Phone Exchange

, , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I work at a call center for a number of services, including a few 0800 numbers (free numbers).

This means that occasionally, we get a call on a free number from someone who tells us a sob story (his dog died, his brother is in the hospital, and more such tales of woe) and wants us to transfer his call to another cell phone, effectively calling them for free.

His usual spiel includes, “I just spoke to someone and they were going to transfer me, but the line cut off.” We catch on very quickly and tell everyone to cut him off at the knee. We’re not sure what exactly is going on, but it seems a little fishy; we are not a phone exchange and have more than enough legitimate calls to occupy us.

One night, I’m working by myself when he calls, and having been an avid reader of Not Always Right for a while, I decide to have a bit of fun.

Caller: “Good morning, ma’am. I don’t know if I just spoke with you or with your colleague?”

Me: “It wasn’t me, sir. How can I help you?”

Caller: “[Tale of woe I don’t remember because it’s four in the morning and I don’t usually work nights, so I’m half asleep.] …and your colleague was going to transfer me, but the line cut off. Could you please transfer me to [number]?”

Me: “You just spoke to someone?”

I say this knowing full well I’m alone here and haven’t had any calls in the last hour.

Caller: “Yes, a very lovely lady. She told me she was sorry for my loss and was going to transfer me when the connection was lost.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’d love to help you, but there’s just one problem with your story.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “I’m working by myself tonight. You didn’t speak to me, and no one is going to transfer you.”

Caller: *Curses me out and hangs up*

He hasn’t tried again, at least not at night.

Wish You Could “Wipe” This From Your Memory

, , , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I’m an overnight worker in a big box store. One night, as I’m watching the front registers, a lady with a cart full of groceries walks up and asks to leave her groceries there while she uses the restrooms. This isn’t out of the ordinary, and I agreed to keep an eye on her things while she was away.

Five minutes go by. Then ten. Then twenty. I start to wonder if she left the store and forgot to grab her cart

A whole thirty minutes later, she walks back up with an unhappy look on her face.

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager.”

Overnight managers are notoriously busy. My store only has one manager, who has to sign for any trucks that show up and manage the stockers, cashiers, and maintenance workers, and he oftentimes also does stocking himself since we’re so short-staffed. I figure I should see if I can handle the problem to spare our poor manager the distraction.

Me: “What seems to be the issue? Maybe I can help out with it.”

Customer: “I was in the bathroom, taking a s***, and suddenly, the lights turned off on me! I couldn’t see! How was I supposed to wipe?!”

That is way more information than I wanted. I’m not sure how I kept a straight face.

Me: “Our lights are on a motion-sensitive automatic timer. They should have turned back on as soon as you moved.”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter! A customer should never have the lights turned off on them!”

Me: “I’m sorry this happened to you. The lights are on an automatic timer that turns off after fifteen minutes of no activity. There’s nothing we can do to change this.”

Customer: “Oh, I know it’s not your fault, but I want to complain to the manager! This should never happen to a customer!”

With the customer watching me, I had to radio for the manager to come to the front and deal with this crazy complaint. I wished that I had some way to warn him about what he was about to walk into.

I had to leave as soon as he showed up, so I never got to see how it resolved, but I can’t help but think that if I was sitting on the toilet for so long that the lights automatically turned off on me, I would’ve been too embarrassed to say anything.