And The Light Bulb Goes On

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(A customer calls complaining of a high electric bill. I look over the account and see that the usage is, indeed, pretty high. I then go through a series of standard questions, trying to determine what could be causing the elevated usage.)

Customer: “Well, I do run two refrigerators and a freezer. One fridge in the kitchen, freezer in the basement, and a second fridge in the garage.”

Me: *knowing it is winter time and far colder out than would require the fridge in the garage to run* “It seems unlikely the fridge in the garage would be running very much with it being so cold.”

Customer: “No, it’s running.”

Me: “Why would be running if it is not warm enough in the garage to require it to turn on?”

Customer: “Well, there is a light bulb in it.”

Me: “There is a light bulb in every fridge, but it only turns on when the door opens.”

Customer: “No, I put a light bulb in it on an extension cord to force the fridge to run. It is a very old fridge, and we are scared that if it shuts off it may not come back on, so we put a light bulb in it to keep it on.”

Me: “…so, you are using a light bulb as a heat source to keep the very old fridge running all the time?”

Customer: *very satisfied with herself* “YES!”

Me: *silent facepalm* “This is the reason for your increased electric consumption.”

Raising A Monster Versus Monster Parenting

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(Around the holidays, the tension is really high for people to get their prescriptions on time before going on vacation, so the pharmacy area is packed with close to forty people. I overhear this exchange as I’m ringing up a customer with an especially rude son.)

Me: “That will be $4.50, please.”

Customer: *digs in her purse for her wallet*

Customer’s Son: “Geez, stupid b****. Can’t you hurry up!? I want to go home, now!”

(A lady a few people back snaps her head towards him with a face that is the essence of “Oh, HELL no!”)

Customer’s Son: “God, Mom. Every time we go somewhere, it takes you for-f***ing-ever!”

(The lady a few people back is now breathing very loudly through her nose.)

Customer: “Sweetie, if you wait a minute, we can go get you a burger.”

Customer’s Son: “You bet like hell you are.” *points finger in her face* “You owe me big, woman. I could have been home hours ago out of this s*** heap with you. I’m bored out of my f***ing skull.”

(The lady a few people back is now looking anywhere but at the teenager, shaking her head violently, tapping the side of her purse, and muttering, “Mm-mm, mm-mmmm,” to herself.)

Customer: “Okay, look, honey. We’re done.”

Customer’s Son: “ABOUT D*** TIME, B****!”

(The customer and her son just pass around the corner, when the lady a few people back suddenly swings around, grabs both her teenage sons with one hand, and starts hitting them both with her purse.)

Lady: “DON’T.” *smack* “YOU.” *smack* “EVER.” *smack* “TALK.” *smack* “TO.” *smack* “ME.” *smack* “LIKE.” *smack* “THAT!” *smack*

(Some people are staring open-mouthed, others are cheering her on, but I am face-down on the counter, laughing hysterically. When it is the lady’s turn, I am still choking down tears.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Lady: “You’re laughing, but I’ll do the same to you if I ever hear you talking like that.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You’re a great woman.”

Lady: “That’s because I was taught how to respect my parents.”

(Faith in humanity restored. Thank you, purse lady!)

You’re Not Motivating Us To Help You Faster

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(A car drives straight through our drive-thru without stopping at the order box. Keep in mind that we are timed for how fast we get cars through at the window. Once the customer is at the window:)

Customer: “Give me a small black, a turkey club, and two fruit explosion muffins.”

Me: “Certainly. But sir, I will ask that you please place your order at the order box on your future visits. It helps us ensure that you are not waiting in the drive-thru very long, and that we are able to get you through quicker.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I find this way helps you move faster.”

They Need A Rude Awakening

, , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(We have a two-lane drive-thru, so one lane has to cut off the other lane when driving through. I have just finished taking one lane’s order, and they begin to pull forward when they stop half-way, blocking the other lane’s path. A pedestrian walks up to the car and begins chatting to them. Soon, a line forms in both lanes, and cars are honking. It’s been several minutes, when I finally get onto the microphone and tell the car to pull forward as they are blocking traffic. At the window:)

Customer: “You really should be more considerate! It was really rude for you to tell me to move. And tell the cars behind me that they shouldn’t have honked at me!”

Me: *stunned*

Don’t Cross The Crossing Guard

, , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I work as a crossing guard at a summer camp that has the parking lot and some of the camp on one side of a not-all-that-busy road and the rest of the camp on the other. Every day at around 10 am a group of 3- to 5-year-olds and three adults from a local day care comes and uses the pool for an hour. I stop traffic to cross them from the parking lot to the pool at 10 and again at 11 for them to go back. One day, after I’m done crossing them back, a minivan stops and the driver rolls down the window.)

Driver: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes? Can I help you?”

Driver: “You do this to me all the time!”

Me: “What?”

Driver: “Every time I come this way you always stop me!”

Me: “Well, I am the crossing guard—”

Driver: “Every f***ing time, you single me out and stop me for no reason.”

Me: “Did you not see the group of kids crossing the road to their bus?”

Driver: “I have friends in the [Town] police department! Stop me again and I’ll call them!”

Me: “Seeing as I’m protecting small children, and you’re trying to run them over, I’m pretty sure they’ll be on my side.”

(The driver rolled up the window and sped off. I never did hear from these so-called police friends.)

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