I’m Gonna Give You A Regular You Can’t Refuse

, , | Right | November 19, 2017

(I work at a convenience store. I am training a new person when I spot one of our regulars, a man with a bad reputation for giving employees grief. He’ll fight over the smallest details, though he never gets far once the managers get involved. That doesn’t stop him from being as condescending and rude as possible beforehand, though.)

Me: *to new hire who has just finished ringing up another customer* “It’s a lot for day one, but you’re getting the hang of it.”

New Hire: “Yeah, I think I’ll be oka—”

(She gets cut off by the customer, who is practically yelling into his phone as he throws his stuff on our counter.)

Customer: “You’re so stupid! Could you stop being stupid and just order the pizza?”

(I quietly nod for the new hire to step aside and proceed to ring up his items myself, not saying a word. Meanwhile, another customer has gotten in line behind him, and she watches him scream with raised eyebrows.)

Customer: *angrily swipes his credit card* “OH, MY GOD, it’s not Coleone’s, it’s CORE-LEE-OWNS! You can’t even pronounce Italian words right!”

(Meanwhile, I’ve bagged his items, totaled his amount and stuffed his receipt in the bag without saying a word to him. He rips them off the counter and stomps out, still yelling about the pizza place and how to pronounce it.)

Me: *to new hire once customer is out of earshot* “That guy is a regular, and he thinks he is the most important human being on the planet.”

Customer #2: *after setting her items on the counter* “Yeah, I think we all kind of got that impression. I wonder why the person on the other end didn’t just hang up.”

New Hire: “I’m also pretty sure there’s no ‘R’ in the last name ‘Coleone.’”

Has An Intolerance For Those With An Intolerance

, , , , , | Working | November 19, 2017

(I stop in to a cafe on the way to work. On their board they state milk options as “Regular, skim, lactose-free, soy, and almond.” I always order the same thing, every morning, without issue. Today I see a new face at the register.)

Me: “Can I get a small cappuccino with lactose-free milk, please?”

Cashier: “Just to let you know, lactose-free milk is cow’s milk.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “It’s not vegan suitable.”

Me: “I’m not vegan.”

Cashier: “So, regular milk?”

Me: “No, lactose-free.”

Cashier: “It’s a 20c surcharge.”

Me: “I know.”

Cashier: “Are you sure? It’s pretty much the same as regular milk.”

Me: “I’m very sure.”

(I pay, give my name, then stand and wait. I see the usual barista come over to the cashier and say something, and I hear:)

Barista: “No, no, she’s always lactose-free milk.” *looks up at me* “The usual? Yeah?”

Me: “Yes.”

Barista: *turns back to the cashier* “Always note down the correct milk they request, especially if you’ve charged them the surcharge!”

(I’ve decided that if he tries to give me regular again, I’m going to give him a lengthy explanation of IBS. I’m sure he will enjoy that at 8:00 in the morning.)

They’re Serially Confused

, , , , , | Right | November 19, 2017

(I work in a call center, troubleshooting TVs and tablets for a warranty company. In order to help our customers, we need them to provide us with model numbers and serial numbers for the products they are calling about.)

Me: “Looks like we still need the model and serial number for your TV, if you can please provide this information.”

Customer: “Where can I find them?”

Me: “Usually both pieces of information can be found on the back of the TV. There should be some stickers that will say, ‘Model Number,’ and, ‘Serial Number,’ or, ‘S/N.’”

Customer: “Can you tell me where on my TV?”

Me: “It should be on the back of the TV, but I am unsure of its exact location.”

(There are rustling noises and groaning sounds. In the background I can hear chatting between a mother and daughter:)

Customer: “This is ridiculous that they have us back here looking for this. I have no idea where this stuff is.”

Daughter: “Did she tell you where it is?”

Customer: “She said on the back, but doesn’t know exactly where. If she doesn’t know, how am I supposed to know?”

Daughter: “Yeah, seriously.”

Customer: *shouting through speaker phone* “Okay, look, lady: all I see back here is a cable that plugs the TV into the wall and a sticker with a bunch of TV information on it. Which one of these things has what you’re looking for?”

Me: *pause* “The sticker with the TV information on it.”

Customer: “All I see on this sticker is a model number, a serial number, and a bunch of other random crap, so tell me what you want.”

Me: “The model and serial number.”

Customer: “Don’t you already have all this information?!”

Me: “No, ma’am; that is why I am asking for you to provide it.”

Customer: “Well, you should already have it! Can I speak to a supervisor?!”

Me: “Yes, you can, but this is information that we need to gather, and even if we had this information we would need to verify to make sure it’s correct. If we have the wrong model and serial number, it can delay your repairs.”

Customer: “I still want a supervisor! I think you’re just doing this for your sick amusement!”

Me: “I will get a supervisor for you. One moment, please.”

(My supervisor was just as annoyed as I was when I told her why they wanted to talk to her. My supervisor took the call, which didn’t take very long, and the call ended. The supervisor got up and walked away while stating, “Well, I guess they’re not getting their TV fixed, because they hung up.”)

That Cut Them Down To Size Quickly

, , , , , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I am waiting for my order in a popular pizza shop. It is late and very busy. A group of rowdy teenagers have just left with a few pizzas, and one of them storms back in to yell at the cashier.)

Customer: “Hey, b****! You didn’t cut my pizza right!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I am so sorry. I can cut it properly for you.”

Customer: “No, just f****** forget it! You guys suck! You better give me some free cheese bread for all the d*** trouble you put me through! Can’t you do anything right?”

(At this point I see the pizza, and it is just a little bit uncut for one of the slices. I know the girl is only doing this to get some free food. I walk up to her.)

Me: “Do you want some bread?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Tell me how many breads you want. Name any number. How many friends do you have with you?”

Customer: “Um, there are eight of us.”

Me: *to cashier* “Please make me four orders of cheese bread and give me two liters of soda.”

(I pay for the food and hand the girl the receipt.)

Me: “Here. I know what your intentions were. How dare you yell at someone for free food? You’re worse than a beggar. Now, apologize to the nice lady, and take your food when it’s ready. I hope you feel guilty eating it.”

(By this time my order had already come out and the whole shop cheered and clapped. The teenager was red in the face and just stared at her feet the whole time her order was being made.)

This Store Has A Drinking Problem

, , , , , | Working | November 18, 2017

Me: “Excuse me. I just saw someone drink from this and put it back.”

Worker: “Oh, umm, okay?”

Me: *offering it*

Worker: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “Well, I would expect you to take it and hand it to loss prevention or something? I don’t think many would be happy to buy something that’s been opened and consumed already.”

(The worker reluctantly took it and I got back to my shopping. Not five minutes later, however, I noticed him putting it back out. He scurried off when he noticed me. I decided to just buy it and get rid of it on my own, and send a strongly worded letter to their complaints department. I don’t know if anything came of it, as I got no reply. I don’t shop there anymore.)

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