Toxic Masculinity Is Always Caffeinated

, , , , , | Working | September 19, 2018

(In the office kitchen, the coffee maker has a part that won’t go in properly after cleaning the grounds container. There’s a trick to doing it that I know, but most other employees don’t. It is literally just pushing slightly on a spot and everything clicks into place, but you need to know where to push. I usually end up doing it for people several times a day. Almost every day, some variation of this happens. I am female.)

Me: “Need help with this?”

Struggling Female Employee: “Yes, please.”

Me: *helps replacing the container*

Struggling Female Employee: “Thanks. You should show me how you do that.”


Me: “Need help with this?”

Struggling Male Employee: “Nah, I got this.” *after several minutes of more struggling* “Okay, you do it.”

Me: *does the magic touch*

Struggling Male Employee: “Yeah, I guess that was easy, now that I’ve done all the hard work.”

She Cookie-Cutter Him Down

, , , , | Romantic | September 19, 2018

(I’m at the store pharmacy in a retirement community waiting for my prescription. There is a row of chairs, and I watch an elderly couple come over. The man sits down. His wife has a grocery cart, and apparently he plans to wait while she is shopping. I assume that due to his age or a disability, he isn’t able to walk around the whole store with her. Then, I overhear this:)

Wife: “Do you want to have a cookie while you wait?”

Husband: “Yeah.”

Wife: “Then go get it yourself. I’m not getting it for you!”

They Don’t Have Seniority Over Discounts

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I work in a charity store, where Wednesdays are a nightmare because of senior day — older people get 30% off. Unfortunately, most of them are really entitled, so everyone kind of dreads this day. It’s 9:04; our store is closed, and I’m ringing out our last customers. A lady keeps dragging furniture up to the register where I’m ringing out her family.)

Customer: “How much for the little tykes car? The tag was missing.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, that means it’s probably been sold, and if not we’ll have to retag it in the morning.”

Customer: “But I want it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’ll be repriced in the morning.”

Customer: *drags the car up to the front* “This car?”

Me: “Sorry, it looks like the bottom part of the tag is gone, so you’ll have to wait till morning.”

Customer: “Will I get my 30% off if I buy it tomorrow?”

(I’m getting a little fed up with this lady, and I can see her family is getting annoyed by her, too, so I look to my manager, hoping the lady will listen to her as she has more power.)

Manager: “Sorry, no. The discounts are automated on our computers.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it today!”

(She finally gave up and just set the car down. Her granddaughter had to tell her to put the dang thing away. But I bet you anything she’s going to come in the next morning saying we said she could get the discount.)

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To Go, Away

, , , , | Right | September 19, 2018

(I am working in the lobby of a fast food restaurant this evening, and it’s pretty dead. A man walks in and takes his time looking over the menu.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “This order will be to go.”

Me: “All right.”

(I usually ask customers after taking their order whether their order is “for here” or “to go.” After working this job for so long, it’s really all habitual now.)

Customer: “I would like a bean burrito and a large drink.”

Me: “All right, that’s [total]. Is this for here or to go? Oh, wait. Never mind; you said, ‘To go.’ I remember!”

Customer: *looks at me with a bewildered face* “What? Are you stoned?”

Me: *in shock* “No, sir. I swear, I have never done any drugs.”

Customer: “Yeah, sure.”

(The transaction went normally after that. I later told my manager, who laughed and said, “Of all the employees who work here, he had to pick the one that doesn’t do any of those!”)

They (Dead)Bolt Straight To Blaming You

, , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(I work in a hotel. A woman in high heels and a business suit marches up.)

Customer: “Your keys are not working!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; let me test them.” *tests* “Huh. You’re in [Room], right?”

Customer: “Yes, but I tried them multiple times and they just give me a yellow light.”

Me: “Yellow light means that someone’s in there and they’ve thrown the deadbolt. Let me call them.”

(I call but get no answer.)

Customer: “My husband is staying with me, but he’s not in the room! He must’ve stepped out!”

Me: “Can you call him on his cellphone?”

Customer: “Tried to, but no answer. Anyway, it’s your key machine that’s not working!”

Me: “Okay. Well, let’s go up and see what’s what.”

(We went up the elevator, and the woman kept complaining that it was the keys all the way there. We finally reached the door and I knocked, and lo and behold, the husband answered with a “WHAT?!” How did the woman thank me? By slipping in and slamming the door as hard as she could in my face!)

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