Three Fee See?

, , , , | Right | January 21, 2019

(I work in a bank.)

Customer: “Three dollars for a printout of my statement? That’s outrageous! I’m not paying it. Call your boss.”

Coworker: “Feel free to speak with him yourself; his policy is to only refund fees if they were caused by a bank error.”

Customer: “Well, I need a statement, and I’m not paying the fee.”

Coworker: “We mail you a statement every month on the tenth. You should have gotten one last week.”

Customer: “I don’t keep those. You need to just print me one and waive the fee. Three dollars is ridiculous.”

Coworker: “I can’t waive the fee; it’s a bank-wide policy. You can print all your statements through online banking if you didn’t keep the ones we sent you.”

Customer: “I can’t print anything at home. It’s too expensive.”

Coworker: “That would be why we charge the three-dollar fee.”

Bitter About The Caramel, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 20, 2019

A woman ordered a hot chocolate, and while I was making it, she asked for extra whipped cream and extra caramel topping — not an odd or hard request.

I handed it to her and she looked at me sharply, asking if I put chocolate in it — she watched me put the chocolate in — because it only tasted like milk and caramel.

Maybe that’s because she had me put half the caramel bottle on her drink. Half a bottle. I’m not exaggerating. She then proceeded to scrape off the whipped cream and flick it over the counter into the barista sink, and then she demanded more chocolate. After I gave her more, she asked for a heap of whipped cream and extra caramel syrup.

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Bitter About The Caramel

These Interruptions Are Not Super Effective

, , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(Our store is having a Pokémon prerelease. Basically, this means that a new set is coming out for the card game. We have a LOT of people in our store, a lot of whom are parents with their kids. A boy comes up to me; he’s no older than 11, but it’s clear he knows what he’s talking about. Please note: this is a day after a prerelease for ANOTHER game, and I’m exhausted and frazzled.)

Boy: “Excuse me. What are your cheapest sleeves?”

Me: “Are you looking for Pokémon-sized? Those will be over here. How many are you looking for?”

Boy: “Deck sized, 40 to 80.”

Me: “Okay, that’d be these.”

(I show him the 50-pack sleeves, which are the cheapest.)

Boy: “Great, thanks! My dad’s looking for sleeves for his deck.”

Me: “Then they’ll be here.”

Boy: “Thank you!” *runs off*

(A few minutes later his dad comes up.)

Dad: “My son was looking for sleeves for me. What are the cheapest for this game?”

Me: “Right, those would be here—“

Dad: “Eh… what are the best?”

Me: *taken aback* “Uh… those would be the [Brand]s, but they’re not the cheapest. The cheapest would be these—“

Dad: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “[Brand]s have a really good reputation in our store, and they come in a pack of 100. They also come in a variety of colors, while the others don’t.”

(I point at the array of colors we have on a shelf above my head.)

Dad: “So, how much are those?”

Me: “The [Brand]s are between $11 and $13, before tax.”

Dad: “So… what’s the difference?”

Me: “Uh, quality? They come in shiny and matte, and a bunch of different colors.”

Dad: “You have blue?”

Me: “We have several different blues, like sky blue, blue shiny, blue matte—“

Dad: “What’s your favorite color?”

Me: “I personally like petrol—“

Dad: “What color is that, black?”

Me: *hands him the box and points* “They’re kind of like an off-greenish-blue-grey, like gasoline. The company is British, so—“

Dad: “What about the blue ones? How blue are they?”

Me: “Which blue are you talking about? Sky blue, matte blue, shiny blue—“

Dad: “Ah, forget it. Give me the petrol ones. Whatever.”

Me: “Of course, that’ll be $13.21—“

Dad: “You said they were ten bucks!”

Me: “Sir, I said they were between $11 and $13 before tax.”

Dad: “Nah, I’m just screwing with you; I’ll take those. Here you go.” *throws me a grin*

Me: “Thanks, good luck at the game.”

(What the heck, man?)

You Give Nothing, You Get Nothing

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I work at a call center in the e-Commerce — sales — department for a large American cable company that also provides other services. I am working chat support, which means the work is mostly non-voice, which comes in handy in case one of us has to vent or sound the occasional scream of frustration. While we mostly process customer orders and handle inquiries, we also process transfers of service, in the case of customers moving to another address and wanting to take their service with them. One day I end up with this bizarre chat:)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name]! How are you today?”

Customer: “I am moving and want to transfer my service.”

Me: “Thank you for letting me know; I will be more than happy to assist you with that today!”

(Usually, customers with existing service sign in and enter their info as well as the new address, which pops up in a form accompanying the chat. This customer left the form blank, and instead of her name, she only appears as “Guest” in the chatroom, so I need to ask for the missing info in order to pull it up in our system, check the serviceability of the new address, etc.)

Me: “In order for me to be able to assist you today, may I please have your full name, phone number, and your account number, as well as your current address and the complete new address you will be moving to?”

Customer: “No.”

(This is the first time I’ve had this response to what is a fairly standard request, and I get the feeling I’m in for something out of the ordinary. I nudge my coworker, who peeks over to watch the show.)

Me: “I will need to pull up your account, and I also need to check the status of the new address to process the transfer. And we need to request the information for verification purposes, as well, to ensure that the security and privacy of your account are maintained and that only the account holder or authorized users process changes.”

Customer: “STAY OUT OF MY ACCOUNT!”

Me: “I don’t have access to your account. I don’t even have any information to pull the account up with.”

Customer: “LIAR! GET OUT OF MY ACCOUNT NOW!”

Me: *baffled and at a loss at this point* “I understand that you might have some concerns regarding your account’s security, but I don’t have your account up, as I have not been provided with any information I require to pull it up.”

Customer: “YOU JUST KEEP DIGGING YOURSELF IN DEEPER, DON’T YOU? I WANT TO TALK TO A SUPERVISOR NOW!”

(I’ve already let my team-lead know that I have a potential escalation, but our process requires us to at least try to de-escalate the situation before we pass it on to “the higher power,” who in all honesty aren’t able to do much more than the regular agents are.)

Me: “I understand that you would like to speak to a supervisor, but I assure you that I am more than capable of assisting you with your service transfer request, and I would just like to inform you that in order for a transfer to be processed, we will require your full details, which will mean pulling up your account. As no information has been provided, nothing has been pulled up or accessed. May I have the opportunity to try to assist you today?”

Customer: “I WANT TO TRANSFER MY SERVICE MYSELF!”

Me: “I’m afraid that is not possible. You might be able to move the equipment yourself, but the actual transfer of the service, such as cable, phone, and Internet, would need to be processed in our system.”

Customer: “NO! I WANT TO TRANSFER MYSELF! I WANT A SUPERVISOR!”

(I already have a side-chat going with the escalation team and have given them the general details of the situation. They are giving me the green-light for a transfer, but they want me to try one last time to get some kind of personal detail — a name, anything really — that I can pass on to them.)

Me: “I understand. I will be transferring you to my supervisor shortly. Before I do, may I at least have your name to pass on to them?”

Customer: “NO! TRANSFER ME NOW!”

Me: “All right. I am transferring you now; please keep the chat window open.”

(I transferred the customer and let the escalation team know that the customer had refused to provide any info. I later pulled up the chat file to find out how it had gone and found that the customer had provided the name “Jane Doe” after some persistence from the supervisor, and refused to provide any other information. She just kept insisting she would move the service herself before finally terminating the chat. Thankfully, I’ve left the world of call centers and customer service behind for now.)

Not In Love With The Shape Of You

, , | Right | January 19, 2019

Customer: *walks up to my register* “You look so yummy!”

Me: *nervous* “Umm, thank you?”

Customer: “Not you! That!”

(She points at a leaflet on the counter about a sale we are offering on baked goods.)

Me: “Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was going to have to call security for a second.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t going to say you look yummy, in any case. You’ve got a lazy eye. Only Ed Sheeran looks yummy with a lazy eye!”

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