When The Last Hour Feels Longer Than The Whole Day

, , , | Right | May 29, 2020

Jerk

Normally, no one comes around after 5:45, so I’m getting ready to close.

Five minutes before ticket sales close, however, a family wanders over to the fort, and a mother and her daughter approach the ticket booth. The daughter wants to go in, but the mother is unsure, so I explain that the fort is still open for another hour, and their ticket will also be good for tomorrow.

Mother: “Okay. We won’t be here tomorrow, but I’ll talk with my husband and see what he says.”

Me: “All right.”

I watch the mother and her daughter head back to the group and then come back with the father. The father walks toward the ticket booth, but he stops once he’s close enough to read the sign displaying ticket prices.

Father: “What?! No! We’re not doing that! Ugh. Let’s go!”

The father, his wife, and his daughter begin walking back toward the rest of the family, but halfway there, the father turns around to glare at me.

Father: “Hey, numbskull, that’s gonna take more than two minutes!”

Me: “But the fort’s still open for another hour!”

The father ignores me and resumes walking back to the rest of his group. They talk for a moment, and I hear one of them yell out.

Person: “FIFTY DOLLARS FOR TWO MINUTES?!”

Me: *Calling back* “The fort’s still open for another hour!”

Person: “YEAH, RIGHT!”

But by this time, I did have to close ticket sales, and the group left. I was a little bewildered at getting my first insult from a customer, but hey, I guess there’s a first time for everything.

Can You Insure That?

, , , , , | Working | May 29, 2020

Due to a delay, I have to rush to make my connecting flight. I get to the gate right at the last possible minute. Just as I’m about to turn at the gate, someone stops me.

Saleslady: “Can I speak to you about travel insurance?”

Me: “They’re closing my gate in five minutes.”

Saleslady: “This will only take two minutes.”

Insulate Yourself Against Stubborn Policies

, , , , , , | Working | May 29, 2020

Last fall, I bought a bag of insulation for my yard shed to put up behind the pegboard I bought at the same time. It cost about $150.00. Geez, that stuff’s gotten expensive! Between laziness and procrastination, I didn’t look at it again until last week.

Oops. It turns out that my studs in the shed are a different size. What a hassle; I need to go swap out the insulation.

I go to the store. Nyet. They act like I am trying to defraud them out of a truckload of lumber or something.

Employee: “Do you have the receipt?”

Me: “Well, no. Sorry. It’s unopened in a big plastic bag.”

Employee: “Okay, do you have the card that it was purchased with?”

Me: “Uh, maybe. Let’s try this one.”

I try a couple of different cards; neither works.

Me: “Uh, I think maybe I bought it with cash or a gift card, so it’s gone.”

Employee: “When did you buy it?”

Me: “Back in October.”

Employee: “Sorry, no returns after ninety days under any circumstances.”

Me: “Okay, get me a manager.”

The manager comes and tells me the same thing.

Me: “Okay, where’s your manager?”

I wait, but nope. Same thing.

Manager: “Corporate policy changed last September.”

Me: “Sure, but what’s the purpose of the policy?”

Manager: “More profits, better customer service.”

Me: “Right. You’re not making or losing anything on this deal; just swap me the right size and take this back.”

Manager: “Oh, no, The system won’t let us do.”

Me: “Um, we don’t need the system. Just me and you, two humans here, take this perfectly fine, unopened pack back, and give me the right size — which would be cheaper, but I’ll forget the difference.”

Manager: “Sorry, policy is—”

Me: “Okay, sure, policy is policy, but that’s why they have store managers, so you can go around the policy and do The Right Thing for customer satisfaction, right?”

Manager: “Sorry, I can’t risk my job—”

Me: “Yeah? Who’s going to fire you for this?”

Manager: “Regional management.”

Me: “Okay, get them on the phone.”

Manager: “Sorry, I can give you an 800-number for corporate.”

F***ers.

A Signature Case Of Non-Payment

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

As with any large sales company, we have terms and conditions. For large sums of money, immediate payment is not required. In this instance, we give our customers thirty days after the end of the month to pay.

Caller: “I’m calling about your payment terms.”

Coworker: “Yes, they are set when you have your quotation.”

Caller: “We need more time than that.”

Coworker: “Sorry, but they are not negotiable; even our biggest customers have to conform. You were made aware of this on a number of occasions.”

Caller: “But I have a piece of paper from you that is signed.”

Coworker: “Yes, you will have, and just about that signature is the word ‘denied.’”

Caller: “Well, maybe we will to go to another supplier.”

Coworker: “You may certainly try, but we are the only supplier in the UK.”

Caller: “Okay, then I will go to your supplier.”

Coworker: “Again, you may try, but they will send you back to us; even if you did buy directly, their terms are far shorter than ours.”

Caller: “Well… well… I’ll call you back.”

Needless to say, they agreed to the terms.

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Doesn’t Have A Mortgage, Or A Clue

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2020

I am a receptionist at a local mortgage company. Answering the phones is always a bit of a minefield. This happened to me this morning.

Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]!”

Caller: *Angrily* “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Company].”

Caller: *Angrier* “I don’t have a mortgage!”

Me: “Oh, were you calling to talk to one of our loan officers?”

Caller:I’m not selling my house! Why did you call me?!

Me: “Well, ma’am, you called us. Were you trying to speak to anyone in particular or did anyone call you from this number?”

Caller: “No!”

Me: “Well, have a great day!”

Caller: “No!” *Hangs up*

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