They Make Decaf, You Know

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Uncle_blazer71 | May 11, 2021

I work as a barista at a local coffee shop. We have a regular who is the WORST. She is the type of lady who complains about food/drinks just to try to con us out of free stuff. For example, she’ll order a sandwich with four extra pickle spears and get irate when we try to charge her extra for them. She always has an issue with EVERYTHING she orders.

[Regular] comes in every day and orders the same drink: a large mocha latte. I take her order every day and make her drink every day.

One fateful — incredibly busy — morning, she comes in, orders her usual, and sits down. There is a line of maybe fifteen people and I have one other coworker behind the bar with me. I make [Regular]’s drink as quickly as possible, take it to her, and go back in the weeds.

A few minutes later, I see [Regular] hovering toward the front of the line and I know today is gonna be the day.

Me: “[Regular], everything okay?”

Regular: “No, this tastes too strong today. How many espresso shots are in it?”

Me: “Sorry about that, large lattes always have three shots.”

Regular: *Looking mortified* “OH, NO! I ordered this with only two shots. I’m going to need you to remake this.”

Me: “[Regular], I’ve been taking your order every day for six months. You’ve never once asked for only two shots. I can remake it for you, but you’ll have to pay for it.”

Regular: “Well, my doctor said I can’t have this much caffeine. I only wanted two shots and I demand you make this right! And I will not be paying for it.”

I am super sympathetic to people with special health concerns and requests. Of course, I would never want to serve anyone anything that would make them sick. But I know [Regular], and I know she’s full of s***.

Me: “So, your doctor said two shots of espresso is fine?”

Regular: “Exactly.”

I grab her cup from her, take it over to the sink — in plain view of her and the growing line of customers — and proceed to dump exactly one-third of her latte down the drain. Then, I put the lid back on and hand it back.

Me: “Should be safe to drink now. Have a good one!”

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A Smaller Pizza The Pie

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: Ryanthln- | May 10, 2021

I work in a mom-and-pop pizza place; I’ve been there for about three months. I generally show up about twenty minutes early every day and am asked to start working right away. I’m always willing, but I clock in first.

One day, the owners come to talk to me.

Owners: “Why do you always clock in early?”

Me: “I’m always asked to start working when I get here, and I always get here early.”

Owners: “You can’t clock in early. Just work off the clock for that time. We will change your time card to reflect what time you are supposed to start.”

Keep in mind, all of my coworkers have gotten used to me getting there early, so sometimes they leave early.

The next day, I was scheduled to work at 5:00. As usual, the day crew expected me to be there early and work, so three of the four workers clocked off at 4:30. Since I was told that I wouldn’t get paid, I decided to show up at 4:59. I clocked in right at 5:00.

In the half-hour that those three people were off, $200 worth of food was ordered.

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Sir, Do You Know What A Margarita Is?

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Fenrisson | May 9, 2021

Guest: “Can I please have a margarita? But leave off the lime wedge. I’m deathly allergic to lime.”

What the f***?

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Assumptions Are A Real Pain In The A**

, , , | Right | CREDIT: wakaiwaka | May 9, 2021

My dad and I are waiting in front of the host stand at a Mongolian BBQ. It is pretty busy, so we wait for a while. Another family walks in and gathers at the entrance. A few minutes go by before the mom of the family walks up to my dad.

Woman: “Ummm, are you going to seat us? We have a party of six.”

My dad and I are both Asian, but we were clearly on the customer side of the host stand and were dressed very casually.

My dad was caught off guard and didn’t know what to say. I was trying my best not to burst out laughing, but I was very much laughing at both of their faces. Immediately after, the white, blonde hostess took us to our table. We took one more look back and Mrs. Party Of Six looked like she’d just peed her pants. It was a delightful meal cooked by four Puerto Rican gentlemen.

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Tensions Are The Only Thing Getting High Here

, , , | Right | CREDIT: bongo52pilot | May 8, 2021

I had just retired after twenty-four years in the military. I was done being a boss and just wanted to work without stress. Little did I know that retail is a nightmare. I worked for one of those big box stores as a product service associate. We did resets of merchandise on shelves.

I happened to be on the window blinds aisle when a very irate man came up to me demanding help. I calmly asked him what was wrong since he had a box of blinds in his hands. He started screaming at me.

Customer: “One of your coworkers messed up my blinds, and you had better motherf****** fix it or I will kick your a**.”

Me: “Please calm down.”

Customer: “I’m going to drag you out of the store and kick your motherf****** a** if you don’t fix it right away.”

Being hardened by my years of military work and somewhat taller than the man, I leaned over and said:

Me: “You’d better call a few friends first.”

Luckily, a manager had heard the commotion and came around the corner. As the guy went off on the manager, the manager told me:

Manager: “They need help in gardening outside; go help.”

So, out I went to an area I knew nothing about. Sure enough, a young teenager came up and asked me where the Salvia Divinorum was. As he finished talking, his dad walked up and asked the same thing.

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

Dad: “Why the h*** not? You work here, don’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I actually work inside, but I’ll get someone for you.”

The employee I got was an agricultural specialist and he really knew his stuff.

Coworker: “What are you looking for?”

Dad: *Angrily* “My son is looking for Salvia Divinorum.”

Coworker: *With a huge grin* “We can’t sell that, sir. It is classified as a hallucinogenic by Mississippi and is illegal.”

All the garbage I’d taken in the last ten minutes was worth the death stare the dad gave his kid. Ah, divine Karma!

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