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Autocorrect May Need To Talk To Human Resources

, , , , , , , , , , | Working | December 1, 2022

A former (and lovely) boss of mine was called Joanna, but everyone referred to her as Jo.

During lockdown, we were all working from home and would communicate mostly via email or online messaging.

She’d often send us information, to which I would reply, “Thanks, Jo,” but the stupid autocorrect on my phone changed the J to H, so I once replied to my boss, “Thanks, Ho!”


Autocorrect Picks The Weirdest Words
Autocorrect Has Daddy Issues
Autocorrect Rears Its Ugly Head Again
Autocorrect Causing Friction Once Again
Autocorrect Is Cat-atonic

The Only Germ Here Is Stupidity

, , , , , , | Right | November 26, 2022

At the beginning of the global health crisis, I have an elderly woman come in. She is looking at these handcrafted gift boxes, and she suddenly recoils, drops the box, and gasps.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Customer: “These were made in Vietnam! They have [contagious illness]!”

I stand there absolutely floored for a moment.

Me: “Ma’am, the germs couldn’t survive the trip here. These boxes have been in Canada for months now, anyway. And I, too, was made in Vietnam, so I take offence to that.”

Exposing Your Ignorance (And Exposing Everyone Else)

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 20, 2022

During the worldwide health crisis, my city set up one of the largest emergency homeless shelters in the country. Over the eighteen months that it operated, the services offered expanded from basic shelter, hygiene, and meals to include navigation services to help our clients connect with service providers and employment and housing programs.

As a member of this navigation team, all my teammates and I were required to test for the infamous contagious illness every week. If we tested positive, we were not permitted to work for at least two weeks. This story happened a few months before we shut down.

On the day after our mandatory testing, [Coworker #1] came in coughing and complaining about being tired because she couldn’t get any sleep. Our manager told her that, since she was having symptoms, she could go home and rest. She refused.

Shortly after we opened the doors to the office, I heard this exchange between her and another coworker. [Coworker #1] had her mask down to her chin, and [Coworker #2]’s nose was sticking out of their mask.

Coworker #1: “It’s all bulls***, anyway. I took one of those at-home tests a few days ago, and it gave me a false positive. There’s no way I have the [slang for illness].”

Coworker #2: “Right, those tests are so inaccurate, always giving false results. I don’t know why anyone is still testing.”

Coworker #1: “Because they get a whole bunch of money from every test. I bet they get more from positives, too — which is f***ed because, of course, then the people they’re lying about have to miss work.”

Coworker #3: “Wait… Did you say you tested positive?”

Coworker #1: “It was a false positive! It was probably because my son sneezed on it while I was waiting for the results. He had it last week.”

Coworker #3: “Wait, your son had it?! And he’s not quarantined?!”

[Coworker #1] coughed directly into her hand.

Coworker #1: “Relax, he’s not even sick. It’s not like you can get it from someone who’s not even sick.”

At this point, [Coworker #3] joined me in the far back of the office, where we wiped down and sanitized everything and kept carefully away from everyone else for the rest of the day.

The next morning our manager — who missed that exchange due to never being in the office when we were actually open — told [Coworker #1] that she had tested positive and needed to stay home.

[Coworker #3] and I worked in the shelter as a whole for over a year, and in the navigation office for almost six months. Neither of us ever tested positive, despite almost certainly being exposed almost every day.

Better A Live Sheep Than A Dead… Whatever It Is That She Is

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: NickfromLafayette92 | November 16, 2022

I’m in the dairy aisle of a grocery store (wearing a mask) when I see a woman around thirty-five with her kid. The kid is in the cart watching something on a phone. Neither of them is wearing a mask.

I mind my own business, grab a milk jug, and head toward the self-checkout. Then, I see the woman take the phone out of the kid’s hands and hold it up like she’s recording me.

I quickly try to get away from her, but she keeps following me around the store. At one point, I hear her speak to her kid.

Woman: “Look at that sheep, bowing to the communist democrats, wearing his dumb mask!”

I finally turn around.

Me: “Why are you following me?”

She didn’t respond, so I told her to f*** off, checked out, and left.

A Stupid Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked

, , , , , , | Working | November 5, 2022

Back when the first wave of the global health crisis was just starting, our company took it very seriously — probably because three out of the five upper-management folks were immuno-compromised in one way or another. We had mask requirements and sanitizing and disinfecting protocols in place well before any state mandates. The only reason we didn’t do work-from-home was because of the amount of physical paperwork involved (and probably just the bosses not wanting to spend the money). All of us got the memo and followed along for the most part.

[Coworker] always had issues, though. She wasn’t an “anti-masker” or conspiracy theorist or anything; it just didn’t seem to sink in that there were certain rules that had to be followed. No, a loose bandana or a shield or pulling your shirt up did not count the same as a proper mask. Yes, you had to wear it at your desk, too, because we were all just about six feet apart. No, “it messes up my makeup” is not a valid excuse.

As time went on, the excuses and attempted workarounds got more flimsy and whiney. And then, she hit on a great plan: I’ll wear the mask, but the worst is when I’m trying to talk, so I’ll just pull it down then! It did not go over well, especially since our direct manager who she was talking to is one of the immunocompromised folks.

Manager: “[Coworker]! This has to be the fifth time today. Keep. Your mask. On. When you’re talking!”

Coworker: “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just hard. It’s easier without it!”

Manager: “I know it sucks, but with [disease] spreading around—”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m fine!

Manager: “You were literally the first person in this office to test positive. And even if you’re not currently sick, you can still spread it, so just keep the mask on, raise your voice a bit if you’re afraid I can’t hear you, and—”

Coworker: *Pulling her mask down AGAIN* “Listen, I just think that—”

Manager: “Okay, back office, now!”

And into the back office they went. About fifteen minutes later, another one of the higher-ups went in, too. And then, about fifteen minutes after THAT, [Coworker] came out and grabbed her purse and a few personal things from her desk, and that was the last we saw of her.

It was the first time I saw someone LITERALLY talk themselves into getting fired — when the people in charge were trying to give her every out possible. Some people think she was trying to get let go intentionally, but with how she was? I think she really was just THAT brainless about it!

An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 27
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 26
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 25
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 24
An Ugly Side Of Society Has Been Unmasked, Part 23