I am checking out a couple at my checkout lane. One of them has been distracted on their phone.

Customer #1: “Did we forget anything?”

Customer #2: *On their phone.*

Customer #1: “Hey! Did we forget anything?”

Customer #2: “Oh… sorry. No, I don’t think so.”

Customer #1: “What’s so distracting on your phone?”

Customer #2: *Matter of factly.* “Nothing much, just the president and the richest man in the world getting into a fight on social media.”

Customer #1: “Really?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, look.” *Shows the phone.* “And then he said this. And then he said this back.”

[Customer #1] then gasps.

Customer #1: “We did forget something! The popcorn!”

I’m not sure if it was intentional, but the mental image of this couple enjoying popcorn over that very public falling out gave me a light chuckle. Gotta laugh or you’ll cry, right?

My coworker is Hispanic, born and raised in the USA. We have a regular who will occasionally throw racial comments his way (“Speak English, I can’t understand your Spanish!” and “You should be lucky a Mexican like you was given a job in the USA!”), but despite this, he’s never been loud or aggressive, which means management hasn’t banned him.

After a recent presidential victory, this regular has gotten a bit more courageous:

Regular: “I guess with [President] in charge, you’ll be hiding from ICE soon!”

Coworker: “[Regular], for the millionth time, I am a US citizen! H***, I was born in the hospital just a few blocks away!” 

Regular: “That don’t matter! All I gotta do is call ICE and tell ’em you’re one of them illegals and it’s bye-bye for you!”

Coworker: “Well, lucky for me, we still have the Fifth Amendment.” 

Regular: “Bah! All you illegals think that’s gonna protect you! That was written so long ago! The founding fathers would never have written it knowing there’d be this many illegals! They need to change it!

Coworker: “Kinda like how we need to change the Second Amendment since the Founding Fathers could never have known about semi-automatics and school shootings?” 

Regular: “You’re lucky you’re in a state where I’m not allowed to conceal carry without a permit…” 

Coworker: *Massive smile.* “Wait… was that… was that a threat of violence?!”

Regular: “Why are you so happy?!”

Coworker: “Because I can finally get you banned, a**hole! Oh my god! Three years I’ve been listening to your s*** and now I can finally say I feel threatened by you! Thank you! Now please get the f*** out.”

Not only was the ban upheld (corporate agreed the wording could be considered a gun threat), but his details were also passed on to the police, who would have a little talk with him about the consequences of threatening people with gun violence…

It is a very politically charged early 2025, and lots of buzzwords are being spat out of the foaming mouths of politicians, such as ‘due process’ and ‘illegal immigrants.’

A customer has paid, and admittedly, I gave him the wrong change.

Customer: “Hey! This should be five, not a one!”

Me: “So sorry! The one must have been accidentally placed in the five drawer. Let me fix that for you.”

Customer: “F****** immigrants! Learn how to count in English!”

Me: “I’m not an—”

Customer: “—not that it matters a d***! Deportations for all y’all soon!”

Me: “Thankfully, I’m not an immigrant, and last time I checked, we still had due process, so I think I’m good. You have a good day now.”

My polite attempt to get this guy out of the store goes over his head, and instead, he doubles down.

Customer: “If you’re here illegally, the only due process you get is deportation, f***er!”

Me: “Okay, prove I’m here legally without due process.”

Customer: “Don’t have to if you’re an illegal!”

Me: “That’s a circular argument, and the Fifth and Fourteenth amendments disagree with you. You… have… a good day… NOW!”

Customer: “Can’t wait until they f****** deport your Mexican a**.”

Me: “I’m Hopi you dumb f***. Where you gonna deport me to, my backyard?”

When this idiot realized his racism hit a wall (none of them know how to process racism when confronted with a non-white person who has a stronger claim to the land than they do) he finally took my advice and continued with his day.

Related:
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 7
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 6
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 5
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 4
Our Great DiscrimiNation, Part 3

It is May 2025. Working in a religious bookstore means we’re bound to get some characters. Since it’s a few days after the announcement of the new Pope (Leo XIV), we have some specific literature on the shelves, about the history of the papacy, the life of some recent Popes, the conclave, etc.

Customer: “Ugh! You’re celebrating that woke Pope?!”

Me: “Uh… no, we just have some books out about the papacy because it’s in the news. Gotta be relevant!” *Nervous laugh.*

Customer: “He’s a Marxist! You know that?”

Me: “And that’s… bad?”

Customer: “That’s terrible!”

Me: “Oh, well, if that’s bad, then I’d avoid pretty much every book in this section. You’re gonna really not like that Jesus guy…”

She left a complaint as a voice message later that day. When my manager asked for my side of the story, I simply said it was yet another customer complaining that religious figures were quoting the teachings of Christ.

Manager: “Ugh… we had enough of them after Mariann Budde—” *The Bishop who emphasized the need for empathy after a divisive Presidential inauguration.* “—but I feel like this is going to be way worse…”

I work at a shoe store in a mall. Trade tariffs are all over the news lately, being a major political talking point.

Customer: “Are these made in America?”

Me: “They’re designed here, but manufactured overseas, like most brands these days.”

Customer: “Figures. That’s what’s wrong with this country. Outsourcing everything to… Islam-istan or something!”

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t use that kind of language.”

Customer: “Well, excuse me for wanting to support American jobs!”

Me: “We do have one American-made item for you: the exit.”

I got a little slap on the wrist for that one, but worth it.