Their Energy Extends No Further Than The Application

, , , , , , | Working | August 13, 2020

My dad works in a grocery store. His boss recently hired two new people and my dad told me about them.

One showed up on time, bagged groceries for about twenty minutes, said, “I can’t do this,” and left.

The other called off for two reasons: he wasn’t feeling well and he had yard work to do.

This Is How The Rich Stay Rich

, , , , , | Legal | August 13, 2020

A coworker of mine relayed this story to me when he was doing pest control in an area where the homes were spaced very far apart and were often summer homes for the rich and affluent, so they sat empty for many months of the year.

He arrived at the summer home of a customer and began working around the exterior. He noticed an extension cord plugged into one of the exterior outlets and trailing off into the distance. He followed the cord, which attached to another cord, then another, and another, for the minutes it took to reach the next house over, where it became apparent the cords were leading. I forget the exact distance, but I believe it was somewhere in the realm of two miles between the houses.

Naturally, he called the customer and innocently inquired if they had given their neighbor permission to leach their power while they were away.

The customer promptly called the local police. Not sure what came of that, but a while later my coworker received a gift basket and thank-you card from the customer.

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Ahh, Bonding

, , , , , | Legal | August 13, 2020

I was involved in… erm… liberating a family of abused dogs from a backyard breeder. This is the only time I’ve ever done something in my life that would be considered wrong in the eyes of authority; I’ve always been very straight-laced. However, my brother has fallen on the wrong side of the law quite a few times.

I call my mum to give her an update on the situation and let her know I’m safe, which she’s glad to hear, but she’s also annoyed that I’m doing something she considers to be wrong. 

Unfortunately, I decided to cheer her up by saying, “Well, I guess my brother and I do finally have one thing in common; we’re both criminals!”

I’m going to hear about this for the rest of my life.

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Gosh, We’ve Never Felt Safer

, , , , | Working | August 13, 2020

Our local bank announced a new security policy of “two-factor authentication”: you would enter your phone number, and it would send a text message to that number with a one-time code to log into your account. After several weeks of constantly entering my phone number and wondering why it didn’t just use the one associated with my account, a realization came to me.

During lunch, I entered the number for my work cell on a work computer, both of which the bank had no knowledge of previously. Sure enough, the bank sent a one-time code to the completely new phone and authenticated a completely new computer. It made absolutely no check that the phone number was valid.

Anyone could answer any phone number there and instantly have full access to anyone’s account.

I called the bank and told them how their supposedly two-factor authentication is actually zero-factor authentication, but they insisted it was working as designed. I finally moved my money to a different bank.

I recently learned that someone had hacked a whole bunch of accounts at the old bank, which they found odd, because they had recently moved to two-factor authentication in the month before, which was “more secure than a password.”

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Time Is Of The Essence… Of Stupidity

, , , , , | Working | August 12, 2020

I am at the airport waiting for my flight, which is set to leave in an hour, let’s say 10:00 am. The flight takes an hour and a half, so I will be getting to my destination around 11:30 am.

All of us waiting for said flight are disappointed to hear an announcement that the flight has been cancelled. We all need to rebook on other flights.

I find a young attendant who is very excited to help me. 

“Oh, miss, I am sorry to tell you, but the next flight for that state isn’t until 4:00 pm, and it will take an hour and a half.”

“So, 5:30 pm,” I say. “That’s okay.”

I am one of those people who actually doesn’t mind a lot of downtime as it gives me an excuse to read, doodle, and write. Besides, this also gives me an excuse to splurge on a nice lunch at one of the fussier restaurants on the concourse that I have never tried because I am usually on a tight schedule.

Then, he says, “Oh, wait! I have a flight in forty-five minutes. Then you won’t have to wait and you can get to your destination sooner.”

Well, okay, if it gets me there sooner.

He proceeds to explain that the flight is actually going first to State B, where I will catch a different plane for State C, where there will be a lengthy layover, and finally, we will go to State A, my destination.

“And it will get you there at 7:00 pm!” he finishes with a big happy smile.

My stomach is twisted in knots.

“No,” I say, “that’s not for me. I’ll take the later flight.”

He looks like he might cry. “But you won’t have to wait here for almost five hours! You can leave now!

“And I will be in the air for almost seven hours, up and down, if I leave now. Thank you, but I would prefer to relax, wait for the later flight, and maybe have a nice meal. Please book me for the later flight.”

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