Giving It To Him Straight (Ahead)

, , , , | Working | February 7, 2018

(I am 18 and working night shift. I rely on a bus to get me home at 12:30 am. It isn’t so bad, as the bus I catch stops right out front of my house. There is another bus that goes in the general direction of my house, but not quite near enough, resulting in a twenty-minute walk home. It should also be noted that the second bus stops running at 7:00 pm, every night. One particular night, rather than turning onto my street, the driver tries to take the other route, resulting in a walk home in a not-too-friendly suburb at 12:40 am.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you were supposed to turn back there.”

Bus Driver: “No, I do this route all the time; it’s straight ahead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. The bus you’re thinking of is [Route Number], and it stopped running at 7:00 pm. I catch this bus every night. Please, turn around.”

Bus Driver: “I don’t know…”

(The driver pulled out a map and looked at where his particular route is marked out. There were a couple of other people on the bus, none of whom spoke up for some reason. It took ten minutes of the bus driver looking at his map, and me begging him to just turn around, before a man spoke up and told the driver that I was right. He finally obliged and turned around. He also gave me the stink eye as I thanked him, after I’d reached my stop. I’m so glad I have my licence now.)

Definitely Not Flying Virgin

, , , , | Working | February 2, 2018

(I am on a hopper flight from a small town airport to Seattle-Tacoma International where I will catch my home flight. The plane is rather small, four front-to-back rows of five seats each and a five seat row across in back. I am the last to board. There are two available seats: the center of the back row of five, or one of the aisle seats. Being a tall man, I choose to sit in the center of the row of five so my legs can stretch into the walkway. A flight attendant comes down to do her pre-flight checks and sees me.)

Flight Attendant: “How are you today, sir?”

Me: “I’m okay. Not a fan of flying.”

Flight Attendant: “It may be easier to sit in the other seat.”

Me: “I like to stretch out, if it’s okay.”

Flight Attendant: “That’s fine, but you will have to open your legs when I come down to do my service.”

(Just as she said it, she turned bright red.)

Flight Attendant: “DRINK SERVICE!”

(It hadn’t even occurred to me what she had said, and the young couple next to me burst out laughing before I caught on.)

One Door Opens…

, , , | Working | January 25, 2018

(The driver on our train makes this announcement.)

Driver: “To the passenger holding the door open… Congratulations. You now have the only open carriage in the whole train. And now, the whole of London wants to get on it. Take your time if you like. I don’t mind, since I’m the only one being paid to just sit here. But the other passengers might get annoyed.”

No Need To Bus(t) My Chops

, , , | Working | January 18, 2018

(Sometimes the local public transit system’s website has some errors. I am planning a route on a very reliable map application and I notice a discrepancy between the arrival times for the bus I will be transferring on to. I call the transit office to confirm.)

Me: “Hi, this app is telling me that this bus is coming at 3:45, but the website doesn’t list that time. I just wanted to confirm—”

Employee: “What makes you think that you should trust an application OVER THE COMPANY PROVIDING THE SERVICE?!”

(I hung up, because I didn’t need to be spoken to that way. Sure enough, the map application was correct and their website was wrong. I noticed that the error was fixed about an hour later.)

Tourist Trapped!

, , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(It’s a busy weekend for tourists in the city, so I’ve already been thoroughly annoyed with taking the subway as I try to get home from a simple trip to the nearby grocery store. Normally, tourists don’t take my local bus line, so I’m a bit surprised when I run up to the bus and find a tourist arguing with the bus driver. I really have no idea what her gripe is, but she’s blocking the door as I attempt to board. The bus driver is trying to get her to take a seat or get off the bus, from what I can gather.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you step aside so I can board the bus?”

Tourist: *to the bus driver* “But I already paid. Can’t you refund me?”

Bus Driver: “I’ve already told you that you can take any bus for the next two hours with that transfer I gave you. I’m sorry you got confused, but just hand the driver of the right bus that transfer and you can get on for free.”

Tourist: “But why can’t you just refund my fare? What if the bus I need doesn’t come for two hours?”

Bus Driver: “I don’t know how to say this any more clearly. It’s not going to be a two hour wait for the right bus. At most it might be 20 minutes, and you can use that transfer to get on without paying another fare. I cannot refund you, but you can ride any bus for free for the next two hours with that transfer. Can you please step aside and let the passengers behind you board?”

Tourist: “I paid for this ride, and I’m going to take it.” *stomps into the narrow passageway between the door and the seats, and I can finally board, but I can’t get very far with her blocking the passageway to the seats*

Me: *swipes my transit pass, turns towards the passenger area* “Ma’am, I have my grocery cart with me. Can you please move into the passenger area so that I can get by?”

(The tourist ignores me, and I am MORE than fed up with her childish behavior and unwillingness to listen and move, so I squeeze past her and run my full (and fairly heavy) grocery cart over her feet.)

Tourist: “OW! B****! Why did you do that?”

Me: “I asked you to move twice and the driver asked you to move even more times. Move or be moved, I guess. I can’t stand in the entry way. That’s ILLEGAL.”

Tourist: “This town and all its people are horrible! Let me off this bus right now! I’ll walk 20 miles to where I’m going if I have to. I’m not putting up with this mistreatment any more! I will NEVER come back to this city!”

Bus Driver: “I will GLADLY let you off at my next stop, three blocks up the street, if you just push that button requesting a stop.”

(The tourist continues to rant and rave, but doesn’t push the button to request a stop, nor does she move out of the passage to/from the entry way. I’m the next person to request a stop, almost a mile up the road. The bus pulls over for my stop.)


Me: *rolls my grocery cart over her feet again* “I guess you’ll just have to figure that out for yourself, since you wouldn’t listen to the driver when he tried to help you the first time.”

(She didn’t get off the bus at that stop, so who KNOWS where she ultimately ended up — the bus line terminated deep in the suburbs. Hopefully she DOESN’T come back!)

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