This Conversation Is A Ride!

, , , | Right | June 28, 2020

I work for a train station and we have a deal with a public television station that if patrons donate enough money they get vouchers they can use on our trains.

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to make reservations for your train to [Town about thirty miles from here].”

Me: “Okay, what day?”

Customer: “September 14th.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that day is sold out.”

Customer: “Are you serious?! I have tickets!”

Me: “You said you wanted to make reservations, though. If you have tickets, you’re good to go.”

Customer: “I didn’t make reservations; that’s why I’m calling you.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but the train is sold out.”

Customer: *Getting very heated* “Why in the h*** did I give that organization my money if they didn’t get me a spot on your train?! I want my money back!”

Me: “They don’t actually make reservations for you, and you’re more than welcome to ride other days.”

Customer: “I can’t f****** ride the other days!”

The customer yelled at me for the next minute, called me disgusting, and hung up.

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On The Chatterbus To Shut-The-H***-Up-Ville

, , , , , , , | Friendly | June 19, 2020

I’m on a long bus trip from Montreal, Québec, to Ottawa and then Toronto, Ontario. It’s something like seven hours, not counting the connecting time in Ottawa. It’s a “night trip” starting at 21:00 in Montreal and ending at 05:00 in Toronto.

There are two women sitting just in front of me for the two-hour trip from Montreal to Ottawa. They chat non-stop for the whole trip. It’s relatively early, so it’s not that bad. They speak some Arabic language, which makes it like “noise” to me, and I’m able to take a nap, not being tempted, voluntarily or not, to eavesdrop.

Then, there’s the leg from Ottawa to Toronto, which is four hours. They are sitting a few rows behind the driver, but are just chatting again non-stop. I am seriously amazed that their vocal cords haven’t called it quits by this time. All we hear is them. No one else is talking.

Then, about an hour into this trip, the bus driver speaks up.

“To whoever is talking non-stop behind me, it’s 3:00 am. Some people might want to sleep. Could you please be considerate and shut the h*** up?”

That might not have been the most courteous way to ask for it, but it did the trick.

I’m sure many travelers, in their heads, clap their hands for the driver. I know I did.

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Unfiltered Story #195916

, , | Unfiltered | June 7, 2020

I am working on a trolley car that gives narrated tours of our city’s downtown. The trolley parks next to the trolley station, which is where tickets for the rides are sold. The station has it’s own parking lot. The station also sells tickets for a boat that gives narrated tours on the history of our city’s river. The parking lot for the boat is shared with that of a nearby building and is a very short walk away, and both the boat and trolley parking lots are so close together, that it doesn’t really matter which one you park in to go to either ride. I am on the trolley just as it is about to leave so I can give the narration when an elderly woman come up to me. She asks, “I’m going on the next boat ride, is it ok if I parked in this lot?” (meaning the trolley parking lot.) I reply with, “Yes ma’am. You can park in either lot.” She says, “Can I go park in the parking lot over there?” (pointing to the boat lot.) I say, “You can go in either one.” She then says, “But the parking lot is for that building over there.” I then reply, ” No, the lot is shared you can go in either one.” She asks, “Are you sure?” I reply, “Yes.” She finally managed figure it out, but the conversation made our ride start late.

I Hear Those Things Are Awfully Loud…

, , , , , , , | Romantic | June 6, 2020

My husband and I are visiting Seattle. We approach the Seattle Monorail and my husband, who is a massive fan of The Simpsons, gets this big goofy grin on his face.

Husband: “Mono—”

Me: “Nope!”

He mock-sulks and I can hear him humming THAT song. A few moments later, we pass another couple.

Couple Husband: *Under his breath* “Monorail, monorail!”

I look at the wife.

Me: “You, too?”

The wife laughed. I did eventually let my husband sing the song on the monorail, and he later said it was one of the highlights of his day!

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This Doll(y) Is Really Amping Things Up

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 4, 2020

I am on the bus one night coming home from a late class. I’m sitting along the side of the bus, opposite the courtesy seats for elderly and disabled people. There’s a middle-aged woman sitting in one of these seats opposite me. For reasons that will become apparent, we’ll call her Bus Hag.

A musician — bass guitar on his back, carrying an amp on a dolly, the whole bit — gets on the bus. He places his amp in front of an empty space, sits on it, and holds the dolly with one hand and the pole with the other. We shall call this man Ponytail Dude.

Bus Hag: “Hey, buddy, can you move that thing? I don’t want it falling on my knee.”

Ponytail Dude: “Sorry?”

Bus Hag: “The dolly. It’s going to fall and hit my legs.”

Ponytail Dude: “It’s not going to fall. I’m holding onto it.”

Bus Hag: “Look, the f****** thing is going to fall.”

Ponytail Dude: “It’s not going to fall.”

Bus Hag: “It’s f****** dangerous. It’s going to fall and break my leg.”

She is, of course, referring to the dolly, which can’t weigh more than five pounds.

Bus Hag: “You’re f****** blocking the aisle, buddy. It’s dangerous. You’re a f****** sociopath! Blocking the aisle, blocking me, you’re creating a dangerous situation.”

Passenger #1: “Shut the f*** up, lady. He’s not hurting anybody.”

Bus Hag: “Watch your f****** language, buddy. Someone better wash your mouth out.”

Passenger #1: “Wash your mouth. You’re the one swearing.”

Passenger #2: “F*** off, you old bat.”

Bus Hag: “I should wash your mouth out.”

Passenger #3: “Shut up.”

At this point, Bus Hag returns her anger to Ponytail Dude, who has said very little in the past few minutes. She pulls out her phone and — rather obviously — tries to take a photo of Ponytail Dude, but he blocks her camera.

Bus Hag: “Get your f****** hand out of my face!”

Ponytail Dude: “Don’t take my picture.”

Bus Hag: “I was checking my f****** Facebook!”

Me: “You know we can hear your camera from over here, right?”

Bus Hag: “F*** you, you little s***. I was checking my f****** Facebook.”

Me: “We heard your camera. Were you maybe taking a self-portrait of you checking Facebook? By the way, I think your duck-face needs work.”

Bus Hag: “F*** off.”

Passenger #2: “Shut up, lady.”

I turn to Ponytail Dude, regarding the amp.

Me: “Could you pick that up and just drop it on me?” *Removing my hat* “Just right here, I want to forget this whole d*** experience as soon as possible.”

Finally, Bus Hag gives up and moves to the back.

Me: “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Passenger #1: “Hey, lady, you forgot your broomstick!”

Ponytail Dude: “Sad thing is, I’ve actually been on the bus with her before.”

Me: “I pity you, my friend. I am truly sorry for you.”

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