Time To Reflect On Your Opinions

, , , , , , , | Learning | December 16, 2017

My dad has always been a man of strong opinions, and this was no different back when he was in medical school. One of his professors was super passionate about a subject my dad thought was dumb and unscientific, and shouted at anyone who dared to challenge him in class, so Dad decided to take a more… creative route.

This professor always closed the glass-paned classroom door and pulled the double-sided chalkboard to a very precise angle before beginning to teach. One day, he had just finished his little ritual when his students began to point towards the door and laugh.

The professor, noticing that his students were snickering, started looking around for what had amused them. He checked the door, the back wall, even the reverse side of his chalkboard, but saw only some “gibberish stuff, must be Russian or something.” Eventually he gave up and just taught his lesson, to the accompaniment of much laughter.

My dad had sneaked into the classroom before the lesson and written on the reverse side of the chalkboard, in mirror writing so it would reflect the right way around in the door, “DOWN WITH PSEUDOSCIENCE.”

As far as I’m aware, he was never caught!

Hopefully A Hot Slice Of Karma Gets Back To Them

, , , , , | Working | December 14, 2017

(There’s a knock at the door. I answer and am surprised to see a pizza guy standing there.)

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but we didn’t order any pizza.”

Pizza Guy: “You didn’t?”

Me: “No. Sorry.”

Pizza Guy: “Do you know where [My Address] is?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s here, but we didn’t order anything.”

Pizza Guy: “Okay, well, sorry for disturbing you.”

(I close the door and assume that’s the end of it, but five minutes later there’s another knock. The pizza guy is there and he looks furious.)

Pizza Guy: “We just figured out it was a ‘prank’ from an ex-employee. He ordered about twenty pizzas to be delivered to random addresses. Here, have a free one.”

(He gave us a free, extra cheese pizza and turned around to walk back to his car. We felt so badly that my dad chased him down to the driveway and gave him a tip for his trouble. Dear ex-employee: You are a jerk for doing that to your former coworkers and thinking it’s funny. Dear delivery guy: Thanks for the free pizza. Hope your day got better!)

Like Baby, Baby, Baby, NOOOOOOO!

, , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

(I am working a 4:00 pm to 1:00 am shift at a very large grocery store chain. We have assistant managers for each department, and one of them plays a prank on the entire store. The store is open 24/7 and third shift comes in at 10:00 pm, with assistant managers taking over for each other a little earlier, but there’s a bit of an overlap with my shift. We have a room that controls security cameras but also has controls for the music that plays on speakers throughout the store. For some reason, third shift managers cannot get into this room. Around 9:00 pm, our department notices something out of the ordinary.)

Me: “Hey, hasn’t this song played before?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I think you’re right. Maybe it’s just a really short loop through the playlist.”

(A couple minutes later.)

Me: “No, this is definitely on its own loop. Somebody put it on repeat. Can we see if a manager can get in there and fix it?” *finding a third shift manager* “Can you get in the control room to change this music?”

Manager: *visibly annoyed* “None of us on third shift have access to the control room. We’re seeing if a manager from another shift can come in to let us in. If not, we’re just going to have to suck it up until morning.”

(No one came in to change the music. From 9:00 pm until 7:00 am, when new managers came in, Justin Bieber’s “Baby” played on repeat. Third had to work their entire shift listening to that song over and over again. Customers also had to endure it all night. Thankfully, we got off at 1:00 am, but it was still really annoying. I’m not sure if the manager who pulled it off was disciplined at all, but it’s by far the most epic prank I’ve experienced in the workplace. Years later, I still know every word to that song.)

Kalamazoo Versus Vindaloo

, , , , , , | Related | December 8, 2017

(I’m driving around on some errands with my boyfriend in the passenger seat next to me and my mom in the backseat. My mom has a tendency to say random things that she notices, out loud. My boyfriend is a bit of a jokester; usually I roll my eyes and call him a dork, but this particular day I’m more energetic than usual.)

Mom: “Huh, they tore down that building. Wonder why.”

Boyfriend: “They’re putting in a Kalamazoo.”

Mom: “A what?”

Boyfriend: “A Kalamazoo!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a restaurant.”

Mom: “Oh. Haven’t heard of it. I wonder what type of food they’ll serve.”

Me: “It’s an Indian place.”

Mom: “Cool. We’ll have to try it when they’re done.”

(By this point my boyfriend and I couldn’t hold in our laughter and Mom realized we were messing with her. She started laughing, too, and called us brats.)

Will Take Up This “Urgent Issue” With HR

, , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(One Saturday evening, I send a joke email to two of my friends in the office. The email explains that a client is freaking out about an urgent issue that my friend needs to attend to. Attached to it is a video, but instead if being a real problem, it is of a certain male video game character getting dressed in skimpy underwear. Once my coworkers get the joke, they begin “asking for help” by forwarding this email throughout the company, all the way up to the CEO. On the following Monday:)

Friend: “Hey, did you hear about [Colleague #1]?”

Me: “No, what happened?”

Friend: “Turns out he was out that evening with friends, and had to ditch them for half an hour to try and see that video.”

Me: “Oh, no; that’s terrible!”

Friend: “And have you heard about [Colleague #2]?”

(At this point I’m gritting my teeth.)

Friend: “He was on a date, and left her to go home and help out.”

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