Pranking You From The Basement To The Attic

, , , , , | Working | August 12, 2017

(I work for an ice cream parlor with a 1920’s style. It is a fun place to work, but we have our share of pranking. I am leaning on the counter of the main soda fountain.)

Jerk: “Hey, [My Name], don’t lean on the counter! It warps the marble.”

Me: “Oh, BS. No, it doesn’t.”

Jerk: “Sure it does. Look at the surface!”

(He gets his eyes level with the marble counter top so I mimic his behavior to look for myself, but unknown to me he’s armed with a whip-cream can almost on empty so it’s capable of spewing foam like a squirt gun. I got a face full of whipped cream from across the counter. Oh, and “Jerk” is the job title for a soda jerk. Come to think of it, he was just a jerk. Other times we would get a new hire to go hunting in the back room for blueberry topping. Plausible, I suppose, but there was no such thing. One time the rookie managed to get two others helping him look. Sometimes we would send a new guy looking for something in the basement. The restaurant was built on a slab and it was obvious (I certainly didn’t bite when it was tried on me). Eventually the new guy would discover that a basement was impossible. But to complete this prank, you needed a manager’s help. It went a bit like this:)

Employee: “Hey, the manager says to get a box of straw hats from the attic.”

New Hire: “Yeah, right. Pull the other one. I already got taken by the basement gag.”

Employee: “No, seriously, the manager said to get them from the attic.”

New Hire: “Go away!”

Employee: “Suit yourself”

(Shortly after that the manager storms up to the new hire.)

Manager: “You were supposed get hats from the attic.”

New Hire: *stammering* “But there’s no attic!”

Manager: “Come here!”

(The manager leads the employee to a conspicuous chain by the break room and tugs down the ladder. The employee turns red, but never actually gets in trouble. On one of my last days there, late in the year, one other employee (also about to quit) tells me he’s put liquid detergent in the gas tank of the lawnmower. That sucker was never going start. I pitied the poor employee who got the task of trying to start that thing in the spring. The last I checked, lawnmowers don’t run on soap suds.)

Caught Him On Tape

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 11, 2017

In my CAD class, we are doing our final. It is a very difficult final and takes a long time to do. Our teacher is an older man who enjoys messing with the student; joking, name calling, etc.

It is always in good humor, and everyone loves his class.

As in every class, we have that one student who is annoying and immature.

One day our teacher decides to “deliver” this student to another teacher, whom he knows well. So he goes to the closet, and comes back with a full roll of AUTOMOTIVE TAPE. Our room is attached to the Autotech garage, so I all the supplies are fairly close by.

He then proceeded to tape this student TO THE CHAIR, a rolling office chair, and once he was taped in, rolled him down the hallway to the other teacher’s room, put him inside, shut the door, and just left.

Worth Dipping Into Your Slush(ie) Fund For

, , , , , | Working | June 30, 2017

(Our library is scheduled to be closed for a day while we do some renovations — moving shelves and furniture and doing some painting to prepare a new area. This renovations day happens to fall on my day off.)

Coworker: “Are you sad that you won’t be here to help us with stuff?”

Me: “Haha… no.”

Coworker: “I bet you have big plans for your day off, huh?”

Me: “Oh, yes. I’m going to buy me a big Slushie and come to the library, and stare through the window and watch you all work while I slowly drink it in front of you.”

Coworker: “…I hate you.”

Can’t Erase The Evidence

, , , , , | Friendly | June 26, 2017

(I have a guy friend who sits next to me in one of my classes. He jokingly steals pencils and erasers off my desk when I’m focused on something else. He does it so often that I’ve begun to reflexively grab his arm before he takes something.)

Friend: *reaches out*

Me: *grabs arm* “What’d you steal this time?”

Friend: *pulls his arm out of my grasp, takes my hand, and kisses it* “Your heart, milady.”

Me: “Nice try. Now give me back that eraser. I know it’s under your desk.”

Friend: “F***!”

(He’s still one of my best friends.)

They’re Not Horsing Around With Those Toppings

, , , , , , | Working | June 12, 2017

(We are sitting down for pizza in an area of London that is notorious for its hipsters. This usually means some weird options in restaurants, such as cauliflower cheese pizza. We are ready to order.)

Waiter: “This is one of our most popular pizzas, made with our best horse cheese.”

Friend: “I’m… sorry?”

Waiter: “It comes with premium toppings, including horse cheese.”

(We look at each other before looking back at the waiter.)

Friend: “Could we order it with regular cheese?”

Waiter: “I’m not sure; let me check…”

(He walks into the kitchen and calls out loudly for the chef, and pretty much the whole restaurant heard what came next.)

Waiter: “Hey, can we do the pizzas without horse cheese?”

Chef: “What the f*** is horse cheese?!”

(The restaurant LOST it! Apparently the staff had been playing a prank on the waiter, but no customers had thought to ask about the ‘horse cheese’ up until then! I wonder if it’s really a thing, or if some people will just eat anything without question!)

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