This Ain’t Their First Drive-Thru Rodeo

, , , | Right | September 24, 2018

(I’m working at the drive-thru window, and while the car next to me is idle, we strike up a nice conversation. Then the customer asks a strange question.)

Driver: “Can you lean out a little farther?”

(He even gestures to me to come closer to him. Drive-thru window workers get harassed A LOT. Prank videos are evidence of that. Just a month ago, my coworker was attacked by a customer who grabbed her shirt and tried to pull her through the window while he drove off. Immediately, I’m suspicious and the polite smile I had on my face DROPS. The customer is visibly startled by my sudden change in attitude as I lean back even further, well out of reach.)

Me: *coldly* “Why?”

Driver: “Uh… No reason.”

Me: “Please drive up to the next window for your meal.” *closes window*

Pranks For The Concert!

, , , , , | Learning | September 7, 2018

(It is tradition for seniors in secondary school to have a senior prank day at the end of the school year after their leaving exams. This normally means that on a day agreed upon with the school’s administration, seniors storm the classrooms in the middle of the day, chase everyone out into the schoolyard, and then force the teachers to compete in silly games, with some smaller pranks pulled, as well. My senior class has won a schoolyard concert by a popular music group in a radio competition. The administration decides to allow the concert on the condition that we count it as our senior prank. The day of the prank is supposed to be kept secret from the students, but word tends to spread. As we’re hosting a popular band, word spreads even faster, and by the time workers arrive to set up the stage at the start of first period that day, everyone knows what will happen. I am one of several seniors in the yard supervising the setup during the break between first and second period. A group of girls starts throwing looks our way, until one of them finally approaches us.)

Girl: “Hey, are you seniors? We have a problem we hope you might be able to help us with. We have English class with [Strict Teacher] next period, and she told us that she will not allow us to leave and come here for the concert. She said her class is too important to let us go for what is only a concert. I understand that classes are important, especially since we will graduate next year, but we would miss only one hour, and we would really like to see the band play! Is there anything you can do?”

(The administration has promised us that the usual rules of the senior prank day still apply, including that all classes end at 11 on the dot, with no exception. I want to take the girls to the administrations office, but a friend of mine has another idea. She assures the girls that we will take care of it and then calls over another senior. This girl has a reputation for being bold and not scared of any teacher, and has huge problems with the strict teacher in the past.)

Friend: *grinning* “Hey, [Other Senior]! [Strict Teacher] does not want to let her students leave her super important class for something as minor as our little concert. Do you want the honor of storming that floor?”

(The other senior just grins in a wicked way. At 11:10, I am making my rounds through previously stormed floors, checking if all classrooms have been emptied out, when I hear loud cheers coming from the floor above. Seconds later, I see students running down the stairs towards the yard, including some of the girls I saw earlier. I stop one of the running students.)

Me: “Hey, are you [Strict Teacher]’s English class?”

Student: *grinning gleefully and giggling* “Yup!”

(I never found out what [Other Senior] did, but the class made it to the yard in time for the concert. From what little I heard, it must have been epic. That teacher should have known better than to mess with an event hosted by students that already have their diplomas in their hands!)

Waffling On All Night

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2018

(I am working an overnight shift at a very popular 24/7 mainly breakfast diner in Georgia. Our specialty is in the name of the restaurant. It is around 2:00 am and it is dead. We have one table who has already paid and is just hanging out, which we don’t mind when its dead. I’m just about to go outside for a smoke break when the phone rings.)

Me: *to coworker* “I got it! Thank you for calling [Diner]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah. Do y’all sell coffee?”

Me: “Yes, we sure do. We have decaf, regular, and dark roast.”

Customer: “Do y’all sell eggs?”

Me: “Yes… we do. You can order them to be made any way you like, or add them to any sandwich for extra.”

Customer: “Do y’all sell waffles?”

(I’m slightly annoyed at this point. More people have come in. This person doesn’t seem like they are going to order anything and it’s obvious that we sell waffles because it’s in the name of the diner.)

Me: “Yes, we do. You can get chocolate, peanut butter, or pecan.”

Customer: *giggling* “Wow. You really sell waffles?”

Me: *finally losing my patience* “Yes, that’s why it’s called [Diner].”

Customer: “Rude!” *click*

(They called two more times that night. My coworkers (server and grill operator) took turns answering. After they hassled the other server, they called back. The grill operator ended up telling them that if they didn’t want to order anything, they needed to f*** off and stop calling.)

This Judge Is A Joke

, , , , , | Legal | August 27, 2018

(I am a prosecutor in a small-town traffic court, and the judge is seeing walk-in defendants about their traffic tickets. A sweet-looking elderly lady has a ticket for an expired registration on her car, a very easy matter to deal with. As she approaches the bench, for some reason the judge’s sense of humor kicks in and he greets her with the following:)

Judge: “Hello, Mrs. [Lady]. It says here you’ve been charged with theft and attempted murder. How do you plead?”

(The poor lady goes wide-eyed, clutches her chest, and staggers backwards. As the bailiff rushes up to keep her from falling, the judge quickly back-pedals:)

Judge: “I’m sorry! It was a joke! I’m so sorry! Case dismissed!”

(I never witnessed him try to “joke” like that again.)

I’m A BASIC B****

, , , , , , , , | Learning | July 25, 2018

This is back when we have orange monochrome monitors and 5.25 floppy disks. My science class has this nifty idea to integrate the use of the computer lab into the curriculum.

Basically, we are to create a small, multiple-choice quiz program about the current subject. The code is all in place, and we just have to edit specific sections to add the content. Their mistake is that three or four students share the same floppy, just in a different period. I know enough of the Basic computer language to figure out how the software works. I change the answer responses of the quiz of the kid in the other class. Instead of, “Correct, good job!” and, “Incorrect, try again,” I change it to the middle-school sarcastic, “Way to go…” and a super naughty, “Wrong, you dumb b****!”

Since there are only two to three main suspects who share the disk, they find me out pretty quick. I don’t get in any real trouble. They want to know how I knew how to do that, and if I changed any other files. Since I am a boring, quiet introvert, I pretty much get away without any detention, just a good scare.

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