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Hey Now, Don’t Try This At Home… Doo Doo Doo D-doo…

, , , , , , | Healthy | December 12, 2022

CONTENT WARNING: Dental Work, Needles


When I was thirteen or fourteen, I went to the dentist and ended up needing a cavity filled. I am NOT good with needles, so when he gave me the shot to numb me, I was struggling to stay calm. I also have an extremely small mouth, so some dentists get very frustrated.

When the first shot was in, I kind of went numb, but when he started drilling, I could feel everything. I was making noise to get him to stop, and he decided to do another shot to numb it more. Nope, I could still feel everything, even though my tongue and lips were numb.

Both shots hurt like crazy, so when he tried to go in with a third shot, I couldn’t stand it. I started yelling no and yelling not to touch me. I was in a full-on panic attack, hyperventilating and crying.

The dentist went and got my mom, and she couldn’t calm me down, either. So, what did she do?

She slapped me!

It shocked the h*** out of me, but it surprised me so much that it broke me out of the panic attack. The cavity did get filled with the help of some gas.

When we were leaving, I looked at my mom.

Me: “I can believe you slapped me!”

Mom: “Well, it works in the movies!”

I just laughed at the absurdity of it, but it worked!

Thursday Is The New Tuesday

, , , , , , , | Right | November 15, 2022

I overhear this exchange at the dentist’s office this morning.

Receptionist: “Okay, how does 10:30 on Tuesday, December eighth sound?”

Patient: “What?”

Receptionist: “How does 10:30 on Tuesday, December eighth sound?”

Patient: “Yeah, that should work. Is that a Monday?”

Receptionist: “No, it’s a Thursday.”

Little Dentist’s Office Of Horrors

, , , | Healthy | November 11, 2022

Due to an unfortunate combination of bad habits and bad genes, my teeth are very unhealthy and I have a lot of cavities. Due to bad experiences as a child and teen, I also have pretty bad dental anxiety. But I’m trying to be healthier for my family, and so, slowly but surely, I’m getting my teeth taken care of.

I showed up at my most recent appointment thinking it was a cleaning, but when I asked at check-in, I was told it was a filling. Shoot, I left my fidget toy at home! Oh, well, I can do this. 

The dentist informed me that it was a deep cavity and I regretted my lack of fidget even more. I could feel the panic attack building as I waited for the numbing to set in. I genuinely considered just walking out, since both the dentist and assistant had left my room. Using other calming techniques, I staved off the panic.

The work began. I don’t know if it’s normal, but when I’m reclined in those chairs, my mouth seems to overproduce mucus and frequently congests the back of my throat. After about twenty minutes of drilling, I breathed in in a way that caught all that mucus and briefly suffocated me. I flung my arms up to stop the work and sat up the second I could, struggling to get a deep breath.

Dentist: “You okay?”

I was practically hyperventilating, unable to speak.

Dentist: “We need to finish. Can you lay back down?”

I was still trying to breathe.

Dentist: “We’re almost done. We need to finish this. Are you ready?”

He continued to try to rush me through the panic attack while I still couldn’t speak and was focused just on breathing. Spoiler alert: rushing someone through a panic attack does not help the panic!

Eventually, I was able to breathe calmly and laid back down. They set up all the things they needed to force me to keep my mouth open — part of my bad genes combo is a small mouth.

Dentist: “Are you good now?”

Unable to speak and afraid to move my head and dislodge the mouth-opening thing, I signed the word “yes” in ASL, which looks kind of like nodding your fist.

Dentist: “What’s that?”

Assistant: “I think that’s ‘yes’ in sign language.”

I pointed at the assistant and repeated the sign.

Dentist: “That’s not ‘yes’, that’s a motorcycle.” *Disparagingly* “Most people do a thumbs-up for yes.”

I managed to get through the rest of the drilling, despite the dentist constantly snapping at me to relax my tongue, and the filling.

Getting out of the chair spiraled me into another panic attack, but I just wanted to get out of the office at that point. The lady at checkout saw that I was crying and asked if I wanted to call later to schedule the next appointment. I knew that if I took that option, I’d never get the next one scheduled, so instead, I asked her to schedule it out as far as possible.

This was the worst experience I’ve had at this office, and that includes the time an assistant berated me for having an infected tooth while I was pregnant.

Sinking Your Teeth Into Correlation Does Not Imply Causation

, , , | Right | October 21, 2022

I’m in the lobby of the dentist’s office waiting for my turn. I hear a mother screaming as she storms out of the office, shooing her son out the door.

Mother: “We won’t be coming back! My sons didn’t have cavities until they started coming here!”

I facepalmed.

Can’t Get N-E Rest With These Mixups

, , , , , , , , , | Working | October 21, 2022

Many years ago, when I first got Internet service, I suddenly stopped getting emails. I called the ISP (a local outfit), and after some digging around, they found that someone with a first name similar to mine (e.g., Joan versus Joanne) and the same last name had called them. She thought her customers were using the wrong email and asked that all emails going to jmurphy@(ISP) be redirected to her. That, of course, was my email. I had not gotten anything that should have gone to her, so I don’t know why she decided she needed to redirect my email, but it was all sorted out, and I hope the person who mindlessly went along with her request got educated on being a bit more careful.

Back then, Joanne lived in a town about thirty miles from me. Now, it seems she’s moved quite a bit closer. I got a message confirming an appointment with my dentist that I never made. The office finally realized that they had a Joan and Joanne with the same last name and said they were going to straighten it out, but I got a text asking me to update my information for her appointment a couple of days ago.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from my pharmacy saying my prescription was ready. I was not expecting any prescriptions. I know they never answer their phone, so I trekked down there first thing this morning to find out what was going on. The pharmacist told me which doctor had prescribed it as if that would jog my memory. I had never heard of that doctor. Several minutes at the computer later, she finally realized that the prescription for Joanne had been put in the system for Joan, complete with my phone number and date of birth.

I can’t wait to see what mess-up happens next.