It’s Still A Game If You’re Not Playing

, , , , , | Related | March 1, 2018

(While waiting for the Novocaine to kick in, I overhear a hygienist talking to a girl and her older brother. Note: before this exchange, the hygienist asked the children’s ages. They are seven and ten.)

Hygienist: “So, how did you guys spend your two days off from school?”

Girl: “We had fun with Mommy and Daddy!”

Mom: “Yes, we spent time together at the library, shopped at the mall, and played video games together.”

Boy: “Mom, we don’t even have any video games.”

Mom: “Yes, [Boy], you do. You have a Wii-U, a Nintendo Switch, and you both have iPad minis with games on them. You have plenty of video games.”

Boy: *scoffs* “Well, we don’t have the games I want, so it doesn’t count.”

A Cavity Search

, , , | Healthy | February 27, 2018

(I’ve been visiting the same dentist for about five years, and never had any issues. I’m also over thirty and have never had a cavity, so I consider myself fortunate. I go in for my six-month cleaning and let him know that as a result of a new job, I’ll be moving to a town about an hour away.)

Me: “So, this is the last time I’ll see you!”

Dentist: “Oh, we’ll miss you!”

Me: “I’ll miss you guys, too.”

Dentist: “You know, you could keep coming here. It’s not like we’re that far away, and you’ll be in town to visit your parents, since they live nearby.”

Me: “Um… Well, no, I think I’d like to find a dentist closer to where I’ll be living. You know, just in case I have an emergency.”

(The dentist tries for a few more minutes to convince me to keep visiting him, before giving up. He’s finally done with the exam.)

Dentist: “Oh, bad news. You have eleven cavities.”

Me: *completely shocked* “ELEVEN? Did you say eleven cavities? As in ten plus one?”

Dentist: *sorrowfully* “Yes. Eleven. You’ll need to get those filled right away. Let’s go up front and have my receptionist schedule the first appointment; I think we should do at least two, one side of your mouth and then the other…”

Me: *interrupting* “Wait a minute. I’ve never even had one cavity in thirty-one years! I brush and floss three times a day. You’ve always said how great my teeth look. Six months ago you said everything was fine, and now I have eleven cavities?”

Dentist: “I know. It’s very bad. Come on. Let’s get your next appointment scheduled and [Receptionist] can tell you out-of-pocket costs.”

Me: “You know, I think I’m going to hold off and get a second opinion on this. No offense, but it just seems really extreme. One or two, maybe, but eleven?”

(The dentist was adamant that I needed to get it taken care of right away, but I didn’t budge, and left without making a follow-up. I moved to my new town and found a great dentist who was surprised when I told him my last dentist found eleven cavities. He didn’t find any! Ten years later, I’ve still never had one. The worst part was that a friend of mine worked for that shady dentist; I had to call and tell him what happened and he was so embarrassed. He quit a few months later.)

Getting To The Tooth Of The Matter

, , , , | Friendly | February 19, 2018

(A good friend of mine goes to school to become a dental assistant. After a horrible, traumatizing experience when I had my wisdom teeth removed, my friend has convinced me that the dentist she works for is very gentle, listens well, and will ease my fears. She is right, and I start visiting him regularly. One night out at a club with that same friend, I am taking a drink of beer from a glass bottle, and she knocks into me, causing the bottle to chip my front tooth. I stay at her house that night, and she takes me to her office the next morning.)

Friend: “[My Name] is here to have her front tooth filed, due to an uneven edge.”

(I smirk, because I can tell she doesn’t want to admit to her colleagues that she, a dental professional, caused the “uneven edge.” We are taken back into a room where the dentist comes in and examines me.)

Dentist: “That’s a decent chip. How did you say that happened?”

Me: “[Friend], why don’t you tell him?”

Friend: “Well, um, we were out last night, and I may have… um, bumped her, which pushed her teeth into a bottle and… chipped it.”

(She is blushing profusely. Her boss and I are cracking up.)

Dentist: “Well, I did tell you to bring in new clients.”

Me: “I already come here!”

Dentist: “Job security, then? Let’s smooth that out.”

(It was a relatively painless experience, all in, and a great story we never let my friend live down.)

Your Mouth Is A Pest

, , , | Healthy | February 11, 2018

(I’m getting my teeth cleaned when the dental hygienist strikes up the following conversation.)

Hygienist: “How was your weekend?”

Me: “Well, I had to work Saturday, but Sunday was okay.”

Hygienist: “Do you always work six-day weeks?”

Me: “I work every other Saturday.”

Hygienist: “What do you do?”

Me: “I do pest control.”

Hygienist: “Ooh! I couldn’t do that! That’s just… yuck!”

Me: “Well, you stick your fingers in other people’s’ mouths all day.”

Hygienist: “Oh. Yeah.”

You’re Not In Good Shape

, , , , | Healthy | February 10, 2018

(I am at the dentist’s for a general cleaning, with a hygienist I haven’t been with before. Things are going normally until this happens.)

Hygienist: “Oh, wow. Wow. This is really unusual.”

Me: “Is… Is something wrong?”

Hygienist: “Let me get the dentist. I have never seen this before.”

(By now, I am panicking in the chair a little. The hygienist leaves, then comes back with the dentist, and they both look into my mouth.)

Hygienist: “Look at her uvula. Isn’t it a weird shape? I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “It just has a bit of an indent in the middle.”

Hygienist: “Her uvula looks so weird. I’ve never seen that before.”

Dentist: “All right, [Hygienist], you can go now. I can finish up this cleaning.”

(The dentist told me it was nothing to worry about and barely noticeable, then finished the cleaning without issue. No dentist or hygienist had ever told me I had a weird uvula before.)

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