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Multiple Failed Light-Bulb Moments

, , , | Right | September 20, 2021

A customer comes into the store and decides to purchase a clearance lamp. He approaches me and tries to get me to give him an extra discount on top of the clearance price.

Me: “Why? Is it damaged?”

Customer: “No, it’s just a gift for my wife and she won’t use it that much.”

Me: *Pauses* “No, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Oh, well, then, maybe you could help me out and buy it for me with your employee discount?”

Me: “No, I can’t. I could get fired; plus, my discount is only ten percent.”

Customer: *Leaning in close to me* “Nobody would know; it’s between you and me.”

I point up to the ceiling to the cameras with a deadpan expression.

Customer: “You could meet me somewhere and I will give you the money, and then we can meet again later so I can get the lamp. We don’t have to do it all at once.”

Me: “Uh, no. Still not happening.”

He made frustrated noises, muttered, “Aw, man, you suck,” and then reluctantly paid for the lamp and left with it.

You must be thinking that it must be a really expensive lamp to make it worth all the running around for a ten-percent discount.

Nope, the lamp was $47. The discount would have been less than $5 savings.

I told the store manager about it and he had a good laugh. He said I should have told him I could give him a five-dollar discount for a ten-dollar upcharge. 

I’ll have to keep that one in mind!

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The First Mistake Was Letting Him In

, , , | Right | September 5, 2021

A customer is banging on our doors five minutes after closing.

Customer: “Let me in! I want to do a return!”

The store manager makes a cashier open up a new register.

Cashier: “Where is your receipt, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

While the store policy is too lenient as it is, this item is a brand no one recognizes as ours.

Cashier: “Sir, I am unable to complete this return without the receipt.”

Customer: *Flipping out.* “My wife got it here! You’re just trying to rip me off!”

The cashier gets the department manager to come over. She takes one look at the item and finds the brand label.

Manager: “Sir, this label says Sears.”

Customer: “And?!”

Manager: “We’re not Sears.”

The customer wasn’t pleased about being in the wrong place!

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Screaming Into The Void

, , , | Working | August 31, 2021

I’m working in a department store in the first week of November. The company mailed out nineteen different coupons, none of which could be combined. What’s worse, the three or four coupons that were inserted into the newspapers are strictly one per customer, per day, so customers cannot use them even if they split up their orders.

So, not only is the store packed with early Christmas shoppers, but they all think they can make a big purchase with multiple coupons, only to find out that if they want to use a coupon on a lamp, an alarm clock, AND a stuffed animal, they are only allowed to buy one item today and have to come back tomorrow for another ONE item for the discount on that one. It is, of course, pandemonium at the registers.

Here’s the thing that really pushes my buttons: there are PLENTY of extra helpers there, all getting the store ready for the walk-through of some corporate high-up. PLENTY.

We have a line long enough that it looks like our Black Friday line, and only two of us are ringing. I call for help multiple times.

Multiple Managers: “We are all busy. There is no one that can help. Thank the customers for their patience.”

The assistant store manager walks by, DUSTING the fixtures — yep, DUSTING — while associates and customers alike are quite literally tripping over the go-backs that keep falling from our overflowing piles of rejects.

At the end of the night, one of the managers walks over and sees the mess the register is in.

Manager: “You guys really should have called for help.” 

Me: “We did. Several times. You were one of the people who refused to help.”

Manager: “Nonsense. Everyone was told to help out at the registers if a call was put in.”

Me: “I called multiple times — [Manager #1], [Manager #2], [Supervisor #1], [Supervisor #2] and you — and all of you said you were all too busy.”

Manager: *Not listening* “Next time, ask for help instead of trying to power through on your own. Oh, and you two need to get all this go-back stuff straightened up before you go home.”

Then, he walked away as I mentally screamed an F-Bomb.

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Because The Internet Never Lied Before

, , , , , | Right | August 25, 2021

Our store is particularly known for bending over backward for customers when it comes to our coupon policies. I have just scanned a customer’s items.

Me: “Do you have any [Store Brand] cash?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s a 30% coupon on the website.”

I know that we have no in-store percent coupons.

Me: “That might be an online-only coupon. We don’t have anything like that in store today.”

Customer: *Angrily* “No, the coupon said it was good in store!”

Me: “Do you have a copy of it I could scan?”

Customer: “No, you’re supposed to be able to do it yourself!”

Me: “Normally, I could, but we don’t have that coupon toda—”

Customer: *Snapping* “Then why does the website say you do?!”

Me: “I don’t know. I don’t control the Internet.”

After that, the customer got really quiet, looked at her kids a few times, and started apologizing.

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When The Customer Is Always Right The Store Is Doomed

, , | Right | August 22, 2021

A customer produces a pair of balled-up socks from his pocket; no packaging or receipt.

Customer: “I want a return.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s no way I can refund this item.”

He leans in close and quietly says:

Customer: “I’m a Gold-Card holder, so I expect you to use your discretion.”

I decide I’m done with this guy and call a manager, who ended up giving him gift vouchers and taking back the socks. It’s no surprise my store went out of business.

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