(It’s my very first day on the job at a big office supply store. I am trailing the team leader of my department around, watching him assist customers. It’s relevant to this story that he has very dark skin, but speaks with the standard accent of this city; it would be safe to bet he was born and raised here. A customer approaches and addresses me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Could you please help me find [product]?”

Coworker: “Certainly, sir, I’ll help you with that! Please follow me.”

(The customer gives me a confused look.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, first-day training, just learning the ropes! [Coworker] will be able to assist you.”

(My coworker leads us to the product, and then spends a good few minutes answering questions about the product, helping the customer decide which is the right one to buy, and generally being an excellent help with exceptional product knowledge. The customer picks his product off the shelf, and then, as he is about to walk away, he turns to me.)

Customer: “I’m very impressed. He did a very good job for his first day; you must be an excellent trainer!” *turns to my coworker, and in a slow voice someone would use to address someone who can’t speak English* “Gooood jobbb! You did VE-RY WELL! Good luck at NEW JOB!”

(The customer walked away happily, leaving my coworker and I speechless and shaking our heads in disbelief, especially since he had just carried on an intelligent, lengthy conversation with the customer.)

(I’m the stupid customer in this story, unfortunately. I buy a mascara from a large retail store but when I get home and open it, it is completely dried out. I go to return it.)

Me: “Sorry, I bought this mascara yesterday and it’s completely dried out.”

Sales Person: “I’m so sorry! Do you have a receipt? Let me have a look and get a refund for you.”

Me: *hands over receipt and mascara*

Sales Person: “…”

Me: “…”

Sales Person: “This is a microfibre mascara.”

Me: “I don’t care what kind it is; it’s dry.”

Sales Person: “Um… it’s not an actual mascara. It’s microfibres that you apply to eyelashes along with mascara to add volume.”

Me: “But it’s dry.”

Sales Person: “It’s microfibres. Not mascara.”

Me: “…”

Sales Person: “Do you still want a refund?”

Me: *properly embarrassed* “No, it’s fine. I’ll keep it.”

(Fun fact: now that I actually know what it is and how to use it, it’s fantastic! My eyelashes look amazing when I use it.)

I’m still pretty new to customer service and I’m not used to dealing with hostile customers just quite yet.

Me: Thank you for calling **** how can I help you?
Customer: Do you have a clothes presser? I have a model number here for you to check.
Me: Sir, we need a 13 digit long UPC number for me to check if we have any of that item in stock.
The customer proceeds to give me a model number which doesn’t help me at all since there’s no way for us to use it. I put him on hold in the anyways and just ask over the headset if we carry them and I am told by a manager that we only carry them online and I tell the customer this.
Customer: So can you just order me one online, I have my credit card here that I can give you.
Me: I’m sorry sir but we can’t take any sort of order over the phone for your own safety. There is nothing stopping me from just using your credit card information to go on a personal spending spree especially since this just happened to Starbucks.
Customer: Are you serious? I’ve been a loyal customer for years now and you won’t even place a d*mn online order over the phone?
Me: I’m sorry but we don’t even have access to the online inventory to order items in for a customer since they are technically a separate company from us. Can you just go online and check for yourself? (Something that should take literally five minutes)
At this point the customer gets even more angry and I put him on hold to find the number for our online customer service when a manager finds out and offers to take the call. About an hour later I find out that he was also swearing at her and she ended up hanging up on him for his rude behavior. When I got home I looked online and we don’t even carry them online anymore. All that over a stupid clothes presser.

(I’m about to go on a long car trip and will have to do a lot of typing on my phone, so I’m going to buy a Bluetooth keyboard. It’s a model my friend already bought and enjoys, but he doesn’t remember if the keys are mechanical or membrane. I really can’t stand membrane keys, so I plan to ask if I can see the item before buying it. When I reach the back, there is only one on the hook, already torn open by somebody else, but I take it to the counter anyway to ask if I can see it, for fear they’d think I did it.)

Me: “Hi. Can I open this to see what type of keys it has?” 

Cashier: “Sure, it’s already been opened, anyway.”

(I play it off that I didn’t know, and luckily, it has the kind of keys I like.)

Me: “Awesome. Can I pay for this here?”

(She stares at me for a few seconds.)

Cashier: “Yeah, sure!” *rings me up* “You know, you’re the first person since I’ve worked here to buy an open product, even if they opened it.”

Me: “Well, I don’t like germs but a wet wipe will cure that. But I know enough about technology to know that a fingerprint won’t make my new keyboard not work; heaven forbid they breathed on it, though.” 

(I got a laugh for that one.)

[A customer with a wobbly gait comes through the entrance of the store pushing a cart; the greeter is quick to approach her.]

Greeter: I’m sorry ma’am but, you can’t park your car in front of the store.
Customer: What do you mean!?
Greeter: You’ve parked your car right in front of the store by the fire lane, you cannot park there.
Customer: I HAVE ASTHMA.
Greeter: I’m sorry but, you really cannot park there. Even handicapped people have to park in the handicapped zones. There are also many parking spots close to the entrance.
Customer: [now screaming] I DON’T CARE! I HAVE ASTHMA AND I CANNOT WALK VERY FAR WITHOUT GETTING TIRED! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PARK WHEREVER! I WILL ONLY BE IN THE STORE FOR A MINUTE!
Greeter: You still cannot park there.
[the customer slams her cart into the metal fence by the greeter that contains all of the carts and she walks out. She returned a few minutes later after she moved her car, acting like nothing happened.]