Valet Away

, , , , , | Legal | August 12, 2018

(I arrive at work to find the assistant store manager looking frazzled.)

Manager: “You just missed the police.”

Me: “Why were the police here?”

Manager: “I had a customer call for a manager. He was very upset that an employee wouldn’t call the valet to return his car.”

Me: “We don’t have a valet…”

Manager: “Yup. He refused to believe that because he had given his keys to the valet and they drove away when he got here.”

Me: “Oh… oh, no.”

Manager: “Yeah, hence… police.”

Juwanna Rethink That?

, , , , , | Friendly | August 4, 2018

(“Juwanna Mann” was a terrible 2002 movie about a man who dresses as a woman to play women’s basketball.)

Customer #1: “Look! They have a Juwanna Mann board game!”

Customer #2: “That’s Jumanji.”

Bagged Far More Than He Bargained For

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

(I’m a customer here. I am with my girlfriend, doing some shopping in a rather posh and famous department store in the middle of the city that is known for being quite expensive. Some people who shop there can be quite snotty. We are there looking for a present for my girlfriend’s sister’s birthday. I’m in a suit that does not look like a uniform at all. A customer comes up to me, holding a printed-out list with pictures of bags on.)

Customer: “I want you to find [three items]. I’m in a hurry; just let me see them, and then you can pack them up for me.”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Look: this is for my wife. I have a job to get back to; now do yours.”

Me: “I seriously do not work here, and besides, there is a line. There are two people behind us.”

Customer: *shoves the papers hard into my chest* “Here. Just go and find them. Don’t be a lazy c*** and fob me off. I know you lot work on commission, so it’s in your interest to serve me. Now do this, or get a real f****** job like me!”

Me: “Okay, sir, would that be the job whose company’s logo is on your umbrella?”

Customer: “Yes! Get me my bags now!”

Me: “Sure. I just have to ask your name to put you on the list for getting in line. And out of curiosity, it wouldn’t happen to be [Location down the street] you work at?”

Customer: “For f***’s sake. It’s [Customer], and yes, I do. Now, I have to go back there, so hurry yourself up, boy.”

(I pull out my phone, call my office, and ask to look up the customer’s name. As I’m doing this, he starts to go off, raising his voice about how I am bad at my job, should be fired, what kind of s*** am I pulling, etc. He calms down very quickly once I start to say his details for his work back to him. I thank my secretary and tell her I’ll be calling her back in a moment.)

Me: “[Customer], I’m [My Name], and I’m [Position making me his boss’ boss]. I wish I could say it’s nice to meet you. Due to your actions here today, it has become unclear whether you are a person we wish to have associated with [Company]; you have been placed on a two-week supervision period. If during those two weeks any of your work or behavior is unsatisfactory in any way, your employment will be terminated. Now, please take your papers back and wait for someone who works here to help you.”

(I called my secretary back, while the guy looked at me like I’d slapped him.)

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Boxing You In With Complaints

, , , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

I was working as a cashier on a rather slow day in late November. A woman came to my register with various clothing items and exclaimed that she was shopping for Christmas gifts as we had a sale going on at the store.

She was very nice and very polite the entire time. She asked me for a coat box, and I explained that they were too big to keep at the register but I offered to go get one for her at the customer service desk in the back of the store. She declined. I offered to have one brought up front so she didn’t have to walk all the way back, but she again declined, stating it was no problem at all for her to go get one.

After I finished ringing up and bagging her items, she went on her way to the customer service desk.

About twenty minutes later, the store manager came to my register and told me that the woman actually tried to get me fired for not having coat boxes at the register. She wouldn’t accept the “excuse” of them being too big to keep up front.


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The Perfect Picture Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | July 27, 2018

(I work in a department store’s photo lab. Our main printer is down again, and we’re on our backup, which is three times slower.)

Customer: “I want to know how long it will take to get my pictures.”

(I’m up at our computer, which displays our orders. Hers is taking a while to go through.)

Me: “Looks like your order hasn’t shown up yet; how many pictures did you have?”

Customer: “About 30 or so.”

Me: “Okay, the order I have up before yours is 200; I will pause that order and let yours go through.”

Customer: “I have to wait until their order is done?!”

Manager: “She said she’d put your order through first. That way, you won’t have to wait so long.”

Customer: “Why does this always happen to me?! You guys are always on backup!”

Me: “Ma’am, your pictures should be done in twenty minutes, max. I’m putting your order on top priority.”

(I almost felt bad putting hers before the other order. Those customers came back in for their photos and ended up having to still wait because they weren’t done printing. They were super polite about it, too.)

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