Find That Spoon Or You’re Totally Forked

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2021

I come home after school one day, and my stepdad greets me with this question.

Stepdad: “Do you have a favorite spoon?”

Me: “No? Why?”

He explains that this morning he dropped my mom’s favorite spoon, one more circular than our other spoons, down the garbage disposal, and the blades left nicks that ruined it. Mom asked him to buy another one while she’s at work, so he headed off to a local department store, spoon in hand.

Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Stepdad: *Showing the spoon* “Do you have a spoon just like this?”

Employee: “Oh, you dropped your wife’s favorite spoon down the garbage disposal, hm?”

The employee did show him where to find a replacement spoon, but he had this conversation with two other employees while he was there. Apparently, this is a common occurrence!

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Diamonds Are Forever, Just Like Entitled Customers

, , , | Right | July 20, 2021

I work in fine jewelry in a department store. All jewelry repair services are shipped out to a second business we contract with. I’m serving a woman who came in to pick up a piece that had a broken diamond replaced, at a price she agreed to before they touched it. She has been perfectly friendly, calm, and smiling.

Me: “Everything’s set, and your final total is [amount].”

She holds out her hand to swipe her card but stops and pulls it back a little.

Customer: “Can I get the broken diamond back?”

You are ALWAYS able to request any broken or removed gold or stones to be returned to you, but this needs to be asked when you send the item out. Repair places normally don’t bother sending back small amounts of gold or broken stones.

Me: “Oh, since the item has already been sent back, the repair company probably doesn’t have it anymore. I can have our clerical give them a call in the morning, just to double-check?”

Customer: “Oh, please.”

Me: “Do you want to wait and pick up your [item] tomorrow?”

Customer: “Yes, that sounds good.”

I made the necessary notes on her account, put her piece away, and passed it off as a totally normal transaction.

A week later, I came into work to the story that our clerical team had called the company and been told that yes, the customer had up until the piece was repaired to request the broken diamond back, but at this point, it had been tossed.

They called the customer to let her know, and she reportedly came into the store and proceeded to lose her s*** all over the place. Our clerical team said she was screaming like a banshee and throwing a fit to her and our manager. This also happened to be one of the days that a group of regional managers was doing an inspection of our store, so they came down to see what the ruckus was and the whole lot of them ended up spending half an hour trying to appease this woman.

She ended up getting the entire price of her diamond replacement waived, got her item returned to her, and left… for about ten minutes. She flew back in out of nowhere and started screeching all over again, and my manager was left to try and calm her for another half-hour while the clerical tried to hide from the crazy underneath the jewelry counter. She finally left again an hour before I came in.

I am so glad I missed all of that.

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They Don’t Know How To Push Their Own Buttons

, , , | Right | July 20, 2021

I work at a general department store when this customer walks up to me visibly confused.

Me: “Is there something I can help you with?

Customer: “Do you sell buttons?

Me: “Like buttons for a shirt?

Customer: “No. Buttons.

Me: “Like… ones you press? Or—”

Customer: “No, like for your kitchen.

Me: “Buttons… for your kitchen?

Customer: “You know. Ones that do—”

She closes her hands and then flicks her fingers open.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m very confused. Our kitchenware is a few aisles that way, though.”

Customer: “I’ve already looked there! I need buttons for my kitchen! My oven isn’t working!

Me: “So buttons for your oven?”

Customer: “Yes! I need buttons for my oven. Can you please check if you have any?

Me: “I… I can try to look on the [Store] app?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

As I’m typing in “oven button,” her husband walks up.

Customer’s Husband: “Found it, honey!”

He is holding a light bulb.

Customer: “Thank you for looking, [My Name].”

They walk away.

Me: “What?”

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Outside Store Hours You Don’t Get To Complain

, , , | Right | July 12, 2021

A customer asks me for help in the men’s department at twenty minutes after closing.

Me: “We’re closed, sir. You need to leave immediately and come back tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I need something for tomorrow morning.”

Me: “I don’t care. I need to go home and you need to leave.”

Customer: “Okay, okay…”

He leaves, but complains about me. When my boss tells me I flat out say:

Me: “I don’t care.”

Boss: “Oh, neither do I. Thought I’d let you know. He should have been long gone by then.”

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Words Don’t Mean Anything Anymore

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Alexandraisamazi | June 26, 2021

I work as a customer service representative at a department store. I greet a customer and start the return process. I scan the receipt and the item.

Me: “You’ll be getting $10.60 back.”

Customer: *Taken aback* “That is not how much I paid for these jeans! I know that I paid full price; just look at my receipt.”

I look at the receipt and there is exactly one item on it, so there is no mistake. She paid $10.60 before taxes for the pants. It says, “Clearance,” in bold with the clearance price printed next to it. There is a clearance sticker on the pants. My total matches the receipt total. I show her, and she can’t find where it says, “Clearance,” even with me pointing. I pull out my highlighter and highlight all the relevant information.

The customer looks at the receipt, now with the clearance price and total highlighted in bright yellow.

Customer: “I know I paid full price!”

Because, apparently, the word clearance doesn’t mean anything.

Me: “Well, this is the receipt, and these are, indeed, the pants you purchased.”

After I spent fifteen minutes explaining receipts, clearance prices, and how totals work, she agreed to take her refund back for the amount that her receipt said… which is what I offered her to begin with.

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