Hey, Mister, Where You Headed? Are You In A Hurry?

, , , , , , | Working | August 13, 2020

Years ago, I used to make a regular run between two cities for the company I worked for. Frequently, I picked up hitchhikers. 

Hitchhiker: “Where are you headed?”

Me: “[City].”

Hitchhiker: “Great! The [Bus Company] driver knows me and he was being an a**hole and stranded me here. When do you expect to get to [City]?”

Me: “[Time].”

Hitchhiker: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Oh, yeah. I know my route pretty well.”

Hitchhiker: *Laughing* “We’ll beat the bus back. I’ll go talk to the station master when we arrive and I’ll tell him what the jerk did. The proof will be my luggage on the bus.”

I used to drive like a bat out of h***, so I beat the bus by about an hour. My return trip was 225 miles and we passed the bus on the highway before reaching the town. I don’t know how it turned out, as I dropped him off at the depot when we got in.

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Multiple Choice Croissants

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2020

I’m working at a coffee shop inside a university. It’s exam season. Two girls walk in, looking pale and haggard and rubbing their eyes.

Girl: “Can I please get a coffee and a croissant?”

Me: “Okay! What size coffee?”

Girl: “Oh, yeah, [size].”

Me: “Anything in it?”

Girl: “Oh, sorry, [specification].”

Me: “And what kind of croissant?”

Girl: *Deflating* “Oh, my God… Plain…” *To her friend* “And I have to do an exam like this!”

Me: “Up all night studying?”

Girl: “Yes.”

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Quit Arguing Semantics And Bring Me The Cake!

, , , , | Working | August 12, 2020

My friend and I are finishing our meals at a local diner when the waitress comes by. I’ve been eyeing the dessert menu throughout the whole meal.

Waitress: “Will there be anything for dessert?”

Me: “Yes, I’ll have the cherry cheesecake.”

Waitress: “We don’t have cherry cheesecake.”

My friend and I look at each other because we both can see the picture of a piece of cherry cheesecake at the top of their dessert menu sitting beside us. I point to it.

Waitress: “Oh, you mean the cheesecake with cherries on it?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

The waitress walked away, and my friend and I facepalmed.

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Unfiltered Story #205567

, | Unfiltered | August 12, 2020

So this isn’t the the customers fault but more like the company

Customer: (on tech chat) I was looking for X item and when I called they said it was out of stock but didn’t look for any other place that might have it! Then they put me on hold and hung up on me

Me: I am so sorry sir.

Customer: I am very angry

Me: I completely understand. Let me see what I can do

Note: after 6 min of inactivity chat signs out automatically

Me: (returning with info on item) okay sir so-
The chat timed out

He must be so mad at us

Unfiltered Story #204402

, , | Unfiltered | August 11, 2020

(I work in the former sales office of a terrestrial wireless (not cellular) internet provider, now operating as an installer warehouse. We are located next to a farming equipment dealer that owns a cellular dealership. Both farming and cellular dealers have the same name and logo, and my company’s name and logo look nothing like theirs, other than it also has the words “wireless” on the sign. Their cellular dealership is about 2-3 blocks away from the farming dealership, and you can see the signs for both on a good day. The following happens at least once a month.)

*Customer walks over from [Equipment Dealership], reads sign that says [Company] EMPLOYEES ONLY, tries locked handle, and hammers on front door.*

Me: *Unlocks door* “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m here to buy a cell phone. Why was your door locked?”

Me: “Sorry, you must be looking for [Cellphone Dealership], they’re about 2 blocks down the street, look for the same sign as [Equipment Dealership].”

Customer: “But I need a cell phone!”

Me: “This is [Company], not [Dealership]. If all you want is wireless internet for your farm, I can give you the contact info for our sales team, but they do fixed location wireless, not cellular.”

Customer: “But the sign says [Dealership]…” *vaguely waves their hand at [Dealership] across the parking lot.*

Me: *Pointing up at our own sign above the door.* “Sorry, no, we’re [Company]. [Dealership]’s equipment sales is next door, and their cellular store is 2 blocks down the street.”

Customer: “So you won’t help me?”

Me: “I can help you if you want wireless internet at your farm, but if you want a cell phone, you’ll have to got to [Dealership]’s cell store.”

Customer: “But you’re with [Dealership].”

Me: “No, we’re not.”

*Repeat ad-nauseum until customer gives up and wanders back to their vehicle and drives off towards the actual cellular dealership.*