So Simple A Newborn Could Do It

, , , , , , | Working | March 4, 2021

My wife and I are having our first child soon so we are trying to get the essentials bought as soon as possible. The most important, or at least the most expensive, is the stroller.

We go shopping at a baby store that sells cribs, car seats, and strollers. Once we get there, the salesman immediately comes over to greet us. He says a warm hello to my wife and her mother and then takes them off to see the strollers, leaving me to trail behind them.

The salesman is very enthusiastic and shows us a few strollers in our price range.

Me: “This one seems to be the best option, as far as I can tell. How does it fold up?”

The salesman reaches down and folds it up in one quick fluid motion.

Salesman: “Ta-da!”

Me: “Okay, but how exactly did you do that? It was too quick for me to follow.”

Salesman: *Turns to my wife* “He’s not so on the ball is he?”

Then, he turns back to me and speaks slowly, as if to a child.

Salesman: “You… hold… here… and… pull… up… on… the… handles… here.”

Then, he gave me a smug look and went back to talking to my wife. I didn’t bother asking any more questions about the stroller and went home steamed about the whole encounter. We did end up buying it, though.

Once the stroller got delivered, wouldn’t you know it, none of us could figure out half the things it did. Once the car seat was attached to the stroller, no one could figure out how to get it off. After an hour and several instructional videos online, we discovered that the detach buttons were actually invisible and hidden under a layer of padding. 

If only there had been someone whose job it was to demonstrate how it worked.

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Things Are About To Get Heated

, , , , , | Romantic | March 4, 2021

My boyfriend has recently gotten a new stove in his home, finally replacing the previous model from the 1980s. He has read the instruction booklet and is absolutely thrilled to discover that it has an air fryer function. He’s excitedly showing me the new stove and talking about it.

Me: *Teasing* “Maybe one day you’ll look at me the way you look at the new stove.”

Boyfriend: “Well, maybe one day you’ll come with an air fryer function.”

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There’s No Pleasing Some Old Bags

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I work at a crappy local convenience store, which is awful for many reasons, and rude customers just make it worse. I was told by my manager that when someone places items on the counter at the cash, I should start scanning them.

A woman comes up with many items and places them right next to me at the cash, so I begin scanning them. She looks at me in horror.

Woman: “What are you doing?! I was not ready yet!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can unscan them until you’re ready.”

Woman: “No, no, continue! whatever!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.” *Continues to scan items* “Would you like a bag for these items?”

The woman stares at me and doesn’t speak. Because she has about eight items, I assume she would like a bag, so I begin to bag her items.

Woman: “Did I say I want a bag? Take them out now!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, of course.” *Takes the items out* “Your total is $16.90.”

Woman: “I had more stuff to get and I could have gotten it if you hadn’t forced me to start this yet! I wasn’t ready! This younger generation is so rude and bossy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You could still get your other items and I could place these to the side for you.”

Woman: “NO! You ruined my shopping experience! Also, can’t you do your job and put my things in a bag, at least?! You expect me to carry all that out in my hands?”

I put the items in a bag, even though she’d scolded me for doing so before. She then paid for her stuff and muttered under her breath the whole time before leaving.

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Forget Those Details, What Planet Are They On?

, , , , , | Right | March 3, 2021

I work in a call center sending taxis to customers. This conversation happens several times every Friday and Saturday, no exceptions.

Me: “[Taxi Company]. May I have your phone number, please?”

Caller: “Umm, hang on…” *To other partygoers* “Does anybody know what my phone number is? Okay, it’s [number].”

Me: “Okay…” *Types in the number* “Are you at [address]?”

Caller: “No, umm… Does anybody know the address here?” *Pauses* “Okay, it’s [Address].”

Me: “Is that a house or an apartment?”

Caller: “Umm… is this a house or apartment?”

Yes, they seriously ask this.

Caller: “It’s an apartment.”

Me: “Okay, can I get the apartment number?”

Caller: “Umm… does anybody know the apartment number here? Okay, it’s [number].”

Me: “Thank you, and who’s the cab for?”

Caller: “Umm… hey, who’s taking the taxi?”

Seriously, why would you phone for a taxi when you knew literally none of the information? Amazingly, they usually got picked up anyway.

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A New Class Of Entitlement

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2021

I work as a receptionist in a small gym where memberships are more like spots you reserve in certain classes. This one woman, now everyone’s least favourite client, comes in about forty-five minutes into the last class of the day, which is a reformer class. We close very early on Sundays.

Customer: “When does the reformer class start?”

Me: “Oh, they’re about fifteen minutes away from finishing. Are you here to meet your friend?”

Customer: “No, I’m here for the class.”

Me: “I can let you in, but you won’t get anything done and you’ll waste your money.”

Customer: “Well, you should sign me up for the next one.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this is actually the last class we have today.”

Customer: “Make one for me.”

Me: “Unfortunately, private classes have to be booked ahead of time through the owner.”

I give her the owner’s card.

Customer: “Then why didn’t you call me to tell me about the class?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the owner didn’t tell me I needed to call someone. Did you sign up for the class?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t want to sign up and I didn’t tell the owner I was coming.”

Me: “So how was I supposed to know you were coming?”

Customer: “It’s your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t even have your phone number in our system.”

Customer: “You should know all your clients’ phone numbers!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have hundreds of clients. Now, I can tell you’re angry, so I’ll have to ask you to leave. If you look on the app we had you install while you were registering for our gym, the schedule is posted there. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I can have the boss fire you and then buy you myself!”

I know d*** well I’m the only reason this place isn’t falling apart.

Me: “I’m sure you can. Leave.”

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