Becoming A Grandmother Far Too Early

, , , , , | Related | February 24, 2018

(I am a young mother. My youngest son is two and just learning to talk. At this time, my sister-in-law is pregnant, and my sister is trying.)

Son: “Mommy, I’m pregnant.”

Me: “Oh, really? How did that happen?”

Son: “I wanted to try it.”

(I guess we talk about pregnancy too much in our house.)

Stupidity On Display

, , , | Right | February 24, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any more of these vacuum cleaners?”

Me: *after checking my PDA* “No, sorry. We’re all out.”

Customer: “Well, can I buy the display model, then?”

Me: “No, sorry. We can’t sell the display model; it’s non functional.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell it. It doesn’t work. All the insides were removed; it’s just an empty shell.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want to buy it. Can I just buy it?”

Me: “No, we can’t sell it. Look: even the power cord was cut off. This thing is just a display.”

Customer: “But I can still buy it, right?”

Me: “Sir, this vacuum isn’t even ours to sell. The supplier provided it for this display; it’s their property.”

Customer: “Wow. I’m never shopping here again.”

Their Complaints Are Volumetric

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

(I manage a local coffee shop. Recently my boss bought a second location, and I have been managing the transition. We hired a bunch of new staff members. None of us know the regulars.)

Employee: “[My Name], can you help me with this customer? I can’t seem to get her double-cream coffee right.”

Me: “Oh, boy.” *I go up front and greet the customer* “Hey, how are you?”

Customer: *flapping her arms, fists clenched* “This is outrageous!”

Me: “What is?”

Customer: “The music! It’s too loud!”

(Here I’m thinking it’s a problem with her coffee. I turned on the music in the morning and, considering that we have 90% elderly customers in the morning hours, I left the music on a decent volume with a genre catered for their age group. I can barely hear it.)

Customer: “You are going to drive your customers away. You don’t even hire your staff properly; she can’t get my coffee straight.”

Me: “I personally put the music on the morning and did my walk around to ensure the volume was fine. As for my staff, it’s [Employee]’s second day on the job.”

Customer: “I’m going to make sure I write to the home office, and tomorrow I’ll bring my son in to talk to you.”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine; I’d love to meet him.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t say that’s fine! That’s not a manager thing to say!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “Have you put the volume down yet?!”

Me: “No, I’m still here talking to you!”

(She left, stating she’d never be back, but she is still in, making my life Hell, every morning.)

Bad Customers Hunt In Packs

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2018

Customer: “Why don’t you carry an eight-pack of these?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, sir. We actually don’t sell the eight-pack versions, just the six- and twelve-packs.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! You’re really making everything more expensive! Now I have to buy two six-packs! You have terrible customer service, and I’m surprised you’re even still open!”

Manager: “We apologize for the inconvenience. If you like, we can give you $2 off to compensate this issue.”

Customer: “Fine!”

Me: *scanning the items* “Do you need a bag for all this?”

Customer: “No, but I need ice.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t sell ice here.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? What kind of s*** store is this?! F*** you guys. You’re making my life harder, and you’re charging me a s*** price for all this! F*** this store. I’m never coming back here again!”

(He slams the money on the table and leaves without his change of… a nickel.)

Me: “Why did you even give him a $2 discount?”

Manager: “I was humouring him. I didn’t think he’d be an a** about everything. I’m still confused as to why he bought two six-packs instead of a twelve-pack.

How To Attack The Push-Back

, , , , | Working | February 22, 2018

(I work for a company that at one time had a posture of measuring employees’ performance by “productivity,” or how many customers they could process in a day. As a result, many people would look for ways to pass as many calls as they could off to another department to improve their throughput. Many of our customers use our equipment. If customer service sends equipment out the customer is billed for it, but if repair service sends out a repair replacement there is no charge. Repair is notorious for not wanting to handle repair replacements, so in customer service we get a lot of “pushback” from them trying to get us to do their job for them. One day I figure out a solution.)

Me: “Hello, [Repair], I have a customer needing a repair replacement for [equipment].”

Repair: “That’s your job; you can do it.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Could you give me a repair ticket number, please?”

Repair: “You don’t need a repair ticket number.”

Me: “Could I get you to pull up the equipment page and help me fill it out, please?”

Repair: “Why?”

Me: “I’m having a little trouble with the form.”

Repair: “Okay.”

Me: “On your screen, could you click the box that says, ‘repair replacement.’”

Repair: “Okay.”

Me: “Did you see the little box that says, ‘repair ticket number’?”

Repair: “Yes.”

Me: “The system won’t let me submit this form until I enter a repair ticket number, so could you give me one, please?”

Repair: “I can’t issue a repair ticket number unless I am talking to a customer.”

Me: “Would you like me to transfer the customer to you so you can do your job like you are supposed to?”

Repair: *resignation in voice* “Yes.”

(I passed this technique to everyone in customer service and it was the end of pushback from repair.)

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