Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Protesting Too Much, Huh?

, , , | Romantic | April 15, 2021

I’m at a convention with my boyfriend. He’s been rather nasty as of late but he’s been okay at the convention. I’ve cosplayed a character that has very pale skin but very dark eyes which require a bucket load of makeup. It’s the evening and we’ve plans to meet up with friends in one of their rooms. I’ve stripped to my underwear and I’m trying to get rid of my makeup when the light in the hotel bathroom goes out; this is the only mirror in the room. I persevere and think I’ve gotten all of it off, so I exit the bathroom.

Boyfriend: *Sharply* “Are you going out like that?!

Me: *Thinking he’s joking* “Well, I intend to wear a T-shirt and trousers, too.”

Boyfriend: *Explodes* “You’re trying to make people think I hit you! You b****!”

Me: *Taken aback* “What?”

I look in the front-facing camera of my phone to see that I’ve completely failed to remove the makeup and just smeared it round my eye.

Me: “You know, you can just say I’m s*** at taking off makeup.”

Boyfriend: “Tch, like you didn’t do it on purpose! The bathroom—”

Me: “—light has broken. It’s dark in there. I tried. I failed. Why are you even accusing me of this? If I was going to try and frame you, I could use any of the bruises from my arms, torso, and legs from where I walk into s***, not something that can be wiped away by a competent individual armed with a makeup wipe.”

He isn’t my boyfriend anymore.

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Some Guys Just Say The Wrong Name In Bed

, , , , | Romantic | April 12, 2021

My boyfriend and I are lying in bed in his very small apartment, having just been intimate. Suddenly, he bolts upright and screams:

Boyfriend: “CHICKEN!”

He did it with such ferocity and urgency that I became convinced for a moment that somehow a live chicken had made its way into his third-story walk-up. But then, he leaped out of bed and sprinted to the kitchen, which is when I remembered that he’d cooked chicken for dinner. After he’d finished our dinner, he’d put the remaining pieces in the oven to cook while we ate. That was at least an hour before this, and they’d been cooking the whole time. Chicken should be cooked to an internal temp of at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit. These temped at more than 200 degrees. He was able to use it in a soup, which helped rehydrate it. But we were giggling all night — and even long after — about CHICKEN!

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Whatever Happened To, “Hi, Nice To Meet You”?

, , , , , | Romantic | April 9, 2021

I’m in a coffee shop drinking a coffee, and some guy approaches my table with a glowing smile like he has spotted a close friend.

Guy: “Jamie! What’s up? Long time, no see! Remember me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guy: “We used to hang out at that thing…” *Snapping fingers repeatedly* “God, I forgot the name of it. It was such a while ago… but how’s it going?” *Taking a seat*

Me: “I think you’re mistaken.”

Guy: “Jamie, right? It’s me, [Guy]. You don’t remember me, do you? That’s okay. I’m sure you’ve had a crazy schedule. How’ve you been, though? It’s awesome running into you here!”

Me: “If you are referring to the ‘Jamie’ stitched here on the front of my shirt, that’s my dad. I’m just wearing his shirt because I’m out of laundry. That’s not to mention that I’ve only been in this town for about a week because my husband and I are here visiting him. Can I drink my coffee in peace, please?”

Guy: “Oh… uh… Sorry.” *Slinking away*

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A Tough Drink To Swallow

, , , , , | Romantic | CREDIT: BlackbirdNamedJude | April 5, 2021

My last relationship was beyond bad; he was all sorts of abusive and controlling. At one point, I had the strength to break up with him, but then we got back together after we discussed some things. Stupid, I know, but love and all that. One of the things we agreed on when we got back together was that he and I would stop drinking alcohol because he was beyond crazy aggressive when he drank, and I wanted to support his sobriety. This is REALLY important.

Fast forward about eight months or so. We got into a huge fight and I not only broke up with him, but I kicked him out of the house and told him he wasn’t ever allowed back inside. We’d been living together for over a year at this point, so his mom got in touch with me about getting his stuff. While on the phone with her I could hear him in the background.

Ex: “Make sure they get everything I own or bought. I want it all back.”

Apparently, he even wanted stuff he gifted me back, but honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy to get rid of anything related to him. While cleaning our room up and gathering EVERYTHING, I started to come across numerous bottles and cans of alcohol. It seems he had been drinking again for a while and was hiding the evidence in the room. I mean, he was hiding them under the bed, in his guitar case, rolled up in his clothes, in some old backpacks of mine, and so on and so forth.

He had said he wanted everything of his, so any bottle and the few unopened cans I found went straight into one of the garbage bags of his stuff. By the time I had gathered everything up, I had three bags of stuff and one was basically all just the alcohol.

Dropping them off was just so satisfying. He actually called moments after I left his parents’ place, ranting.

Ex: “You are being so petty and immature!”

My response?

Me: “Well, you wanted all of your stuff back, and those definitely weren’t mine. Plus, I figured you’d probably need a drink to deal with the breakup.”

I promptly ended the call and blocked him on everything. That was the most satisfying thing I’ve ever done.

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Crossing The Line From Hangry To Unacceptable

, , , , , | Romantic | April 1, 2021

My boyfriend is about seven inches taller than me and much broader. We are on a six-hour car journey and we stop at a service station to get some petrol and some food. The queue for a popular burger chain is massively busy, so I recommend just buying some sandwiches which he insists against. We’re queueing for a while, and the whole time he complains incessantly. Then, he berates the young-looking cashier who’s already very apologetic when we get there. We order, she advises how long it’ll take, and then we stand to the side. My boyfriend is still complaining.

Me: “It’s busy, [Boyfriend]. Things are going to take time. It’s not their fault and certainly not that girl’s fault.”

Boyfriend: “It is their fault; they should have more workers!”

You can see that they have every station covered and the kitchen staff are running around trying to fill orders.

Me: “They have as many as they can. They’re working as hard as they can. That poor kid looked like she was about to cry.”

Boyfriend: “Good!”

Me: “Really?!”

Boyfriend: “Can’t handle it, don’t get a job like this. What is taking so long with the order?!”

Me: “It’s been a minute and a half!”

Boyfriend: “No, it’s been like… ten!”

Me: “No, that clock said 12:43 when we got to the cashier. It’s just turned 12:45.”

Boyfriend: More than a minute!”

Me: “A minute and a half is more than a minute, but okay. It’s now been two! But certainly not ten. She said it’ll take about five to ten minutes, so we wait for ten.”

He grumbles. About three minutes go by.

Boyfriend: “I’m gonna complain!”

Me: “We need to wait for another five before investigating.”

He actually stamps his foot.

Boyfriend: “NO!”

Me: *Taken aback* “[Boyfriend], company policy—”

He gets in my face and pokes my chest.

Boyfriend: “No! It’s been too long! I’m saying it’s been too long! You don’t get to decide that it’s not been! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Understand?”

I nod.

Boyfriend: “Answer me! DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?”

Me: *Quietly* “Yes.”

Boyfriend: *Sharply* “Good.”

He notices people are looking at us and his voice and body language immediately soften.  

Boyfriend: “I… Sorry. Company policy?”

Me: *Still quietly* “I used to work for [Burger Chain] in [Hometown]. The policy is ten minutes if there are more than ten people that have ordered before they’ll investigate.”

Boyfriend: “Oh. Then… You take this. And I’ll. Walk. Yes.”

He handed me the receipt and headed off. Our food arrived in the next couple of minutes and it turned out he’d gone to get flowers plus some stuff he knew I liked to apologise to me. He said his behavior was due to hunger but that doesn’t make it okay. Being an idiot, I didn’t run for the hills but decided to take his word for it and accept his apology, eventually moving in with him. Please don’t ignore red flags; in the best-case scenario, you end up living with a parent at the age of thirty with an unhealthy, deep-rooted self-hatred.

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