Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Sleep Cannot Stop Our Love!

, , , , | Romantic | January 17, 2021

I am unable to sleep and am reading a book on my phone. My boyfriend has been asleep beside me for two hours. Suddenly, he jerks and makes what sounds like a grunt of pain.

Me: “Babe? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: “Delflerdimerf. Delferd. Osktembers! Osktembers! Osktemberfulls!”

Me: “Babe, those aren’t even words.”

Boyfriend: *Grumpily* “Osktembers.”

I notice that his blanket is no longer covering him, so I cover him back up.

Boyfriend: “Ahhh. Yes. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Boyfriend: “Granberwoo. Osktemberfull.”

He began snoring again. He may not be able to say much that’s coherent in his sleep, but at least he can still say, “I love you!”

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The Worst Kind Of Wedgie

, , , , | Romantic | January 14, 2021

I make the mistake of not putting my new underwear in a lingerie bag when I wash them in the washing machine. I should’ve washed them by hand, in hindsight. One thong gets caught in the agitator and some socks and other panties get tangled up into a bundle. It takes ten frustrating minutes to untangle the whole thing.

When I come upstairs, I am cursing the washing machine and my own stupidity.

Me: “Stupid f****** machine!”

Husband: “What’s wrong, hon?”

I explain what happened. He kind of chuckles. 

Me: “What?”

Husband: “So, basically, you’ve got your panties in a bunch?”

I’m still giggling at that two days later. He knows how to cheer me up.

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Trust Should Go Both Ways

, , , , , | Romantic | January 11, 2021

My boyfriend and I settle down to watch a movie. We live together and have had no trust issues until now.

Boyfriend: “So… there’re some things on your computer that I don’t like. I want you to delete them.”

Me: “Wait, what? You looked at my computer?”

Boyfriend: “Well, yeah. If we want this to go further, we have to know everything about each other. That one guy, what’s his name? [Celebrity]? I want you to delete all those pictures of him.”

Me: *Pause*  “I think you should get out and not come back.”

Boyfriend: “Why?”

Me: “Because you invaded my privacy! If there’s something you need to know, I will tell you, but looking through my computer or phone is not okay. It’s a huge breach. You clearly don’t trust me enough to be honest with you, and now you’re trying to control me. This isn’t going to work out.”

He tried to apologize, but I told him to leave anyway.

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“Legal” Doesn’t Mean “Not Creepy”

, , , , | Romantic | January 6, 2021

I am eighteen and have recently graduated high school when I decide to go to a local anime and comic convention. It’s worth noting that I’m only five feet tall and am told I have a child’s face; I’m often mistaken for being maybe thirteen years old.

I’m finishing up a conversation with a seller at a booth when we have this exchange.

Seller: “Sorry, we don’t have that in stock, but we have a local store, actually! You should swing by and we’ll put you on a waiting list?”

Me: “Ah, nah, sorry. I’m actually not in town much longer. I move away to start college soon. Maybe at next year’s convention!”

We have been talking while walking away from each other to end the conversation before, but at my words, he instantly and almost cartoonishly stops dead and spins on his heels. He power-walks back to talk to me and stands uncomfortably close and leers at me.

Seller: “Oh, college, you say? I didn’t know you were going to college. Well, your… boyfriend… must be awfully proud of you, hm?”

I’m creeped out by this instant shift.

Me: “Uh. Yeah. He totally is. Bye!”

I high-tailed it out of there ASAP after that! He flipped from normal dude to creepy man as soon as he realized I was “legal.”

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Read The (Hospital) Room, Buddy!

, , , , , | Romantic | January 2, 2021

My father has high blood pressure, and from time to time, he experiences prolonged nosebleeds. If the bleeding lasts longer than twenty minutes, he must be taken to the hospital. This happens one evening at around 10:00 pm, so I drive him to the emergency department at a nearby hospital. Note that this occurs during the global health crisis where only a certain amount of people are allowed in a room.

When we arrived at the registration area, they need to take my father’s blood pressure and ask him some questions. I am told to wait outside as only two people, including the nurse, are allowed in the assessment room.

The room is located right in front of the entrance where a few security guards are monitoring the entrance. While I wait, one of them starts to talk to me. He asks me what happened and I tell him briefly; it makes me feel better to talk to someone. Initially, everything appears to be nothing more than a normal conversation.

Security Guard: “Are you all right, miss?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m just a bit stressed. This is how I would normally react when this happens to my dad.”

Security Guard: “Can I get you water or anything?”

Me: “I’m okay, thank you very much. I really appreciate it.”

The nurse gets my attention as my father is done registering in the assessment room and has been redirected to the examination room to see the doctor. The security guard knows that I have to go in with my father.

Security Guard: “I think we should exchange phone numbers, if you are interested in grabbing a coffee sometime. I am [Security Guard], by the way.”

I am taken aback as the hospital is one of the wrong places to pick up women.

Me: “I gotta run now. Can’t leave my dad waiting.”

I take my father into the examination room. The doctor sees him and, because his blood pressure is way above average, he is given a pill to lower it. We have to wait for about an hour. After that, he is fine and the doctor determines that it is nothing major and it is just one of those moments. We are given the green light to go home. As I am exiting the hospital, [Security Guard] is still on duty and keeps hitting on me.

Security Guard: “Are you willing to accept the invitation I offered you?”

Me: “I am actually married with a four-year-old and am expecting a pair of twins due in July of 2021.”

He was speechless. At least I got to see his reaction at the right moment. And no, I am not married and have no children!

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