Not Really Feline This Relationship

, , , | Romantic | October 19, 2017

Partner: *from the next room* “You know I love you!”

Me: *touched at this sweet, out-of-the-blue comment* “Thanks, Sweetie. I love you, too.”

Partner: *pauses* “I was talking to the cat.”

And You’re Mean To Boot

, , , , , | Romantic | October 18, 2017

(My husband and I are getting ready for the day when following conversation happens.)

Me: “I told someone on the internet that they are wrong. Someone attacked my personality and I had to start a debate, you know? And a person kept trying to conjure some arguments, but all they got was a set of logical fallacies. I was forced to point them out. The person kept trying. I kept pointing out why my statement is correct and their argument has no ground. I think the other person was more invested in proving me wrong. And I had fun. I am so mean.”

Husband: “You are not mean. You just want to wipe your feet on them.”

Me: “Not my feet. My muddy boots.”

Husband: “Okay. Your shoes?”

Me: “My. Muddy. Boots.”

Husband: “I take it back. You are mean.”

Scouting For The Saddest Joke

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 17, 2017

(My wife used to be a Boy Scout and was kicked out at 18 for being gay, before she came to terms with being a woman. So, I am surprised when she comes home with a box of popcorn the Boy Scouts were selling.)

Me: “This is the worst and least original joke, but is Boy Scout popcorn made from real Boy Scouts?”

Wife: “Yeah, it’s made from the gay and trans kids they kick out.”

Me: *pauses* “My joke wasn’t funny, but you didn’t have to make it sad.”

Smothering With A Different Kind Of Love

, , , , , | Romantic | October 16, 2017

(My wife and I are getting ready for bed. She’s been suffering from her allergies, stuffed up really bad. This night, it’s considerably worse than others. I do not condone violence; all of the following is said in jest.)

Wife: “Honey, I’m sorry if I snore too much tonight. If I get too bad, please—”

Me: *interrupting her* “Smother you with a pillow so I can sleep. Got it.”

Wife: “No! Just s—”

Me: *interrupting her again* “Right, smother you with a pillow. No worries.”

Wife: “No! Just roll me over!”

Me: *kissing her on the forehead* “Roger. Pillow, face, smother. Love you. Goodnight.”

(I’m still not sure why she married me.)

Chips Trump Love

, , , , , , | Romantic | October 15, 2017

(My fiancé and I are eating Mexican takeout at home. He holds out his hand, and I take it.)

Fiancé: “No, I wanted chips, not your hand.”

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