Read My Mood

, , , | Romantic | June 21, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are wandering around a bookstore while I try to find a new summer reading book. Note: I have a lisp that I can usually hide, but it has been really bad today.)

Me: “I can barely speak today.”

Boyfriend: “That sucks; can you see well enough to read, at least?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

Food Beats Money

, , , , , | Romantic | June 19, 2018

(I’m six months pregnant, and I’ve just woken up, as my boyfriend is getting ready to leave for work. He sees me sitting up, looking a little grouchy, and he comes over and sits on the side of the bed, giving me a hug.)

Boyfriend: “Doing okay there?”

Me: *grunts* “Yeah. Didn’t sleep well.”

Boyfriend: “I’m sorry.” *kisses my forehead* “I’m about to head out. Do you want me to bring you anything back?”

Me: “The winning lottery ticket?”

Boyfriend: *smirking* “How about food?”

Me: *snickering* “That sounds good, too; probably more immediate payout, as well.”

Boyfriend: “Agreed. You’ll probably be much happier, anyway.”

(He sure knows the way to my heart! And how to brighten my morning!)

Coming Soon: The Not Always Right Store!

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 17, 2018

Hey readers!

Soooo the other day we accidentally posted an announcement for a secret project we have been working hard on for you: the Not Always Right Store!

As some of our witty readers commented, we were definitely not always right! We are still putting the finishing touches on the store and making sure everything is perfect for you.

In the meantime, we’d like to thank you for your patience and understanding.

Be sure to check back again when we have our grand opening of the Not Always Right Store on Monday, June 25, 2018.

We hope you are all just as excited as we are!

The Not Always Right Team

PS – If any of you happen to be the owner’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate, this makes us absolutely nothing! May the schwartz be with you!

No Money, No Problem, No Second Date

, , , | Romantic | June 17, 2018

(A friend has made plans to go on her first date with a guy she met on Tinder. They’re both in their early 20s; he’s a university student, as is she, with a decent part-time job. He suggests a nice, upmarket mall in the area and chooses a restaurant which is fairly pricey, but has reasonable prices for the mall he’s chosen. After sharing a large meal — with a beer for him and free tap water for her — the check comes to about R300 — $24. Having previously agreed to split the check, she puts her R150 — $12 — on the table.)

Date: “Oh.. um.. That’s a lot. I don’t have that much money.”

(My friend, feeling backed into a corner by this guy who apparently brought less than $12 with him on a date, offers to cover his half of the check, as well. Unfortunately, he seems eager to get as much out of the evening as possible. After turning down a suggestion that they catch a movie — which he will be unable to pay for — and recommending a bar nearby, my friend excuses herself and calls in an SOS to me. Fortunately, a small group of our friends has a plan to always be nearby when one of us is on a first date, for a rescue in this exact type of situation. We “bump into” our friend and her date in the mall and “remind” her of an important obligation she supposedly forgot about.)

Date: “Wow, when you mentioned your friends, you didn’t say they were models. Hi, I’m [Date]. I like your outfit.”

(He was being really cringe-y and laying it on thick, obviously, and we managed to get our friend out of there in record time. Later, he messaged her to tell her which of her friends was the most attractive and asked for her number.)

A Pun In The Oven

, , , , , | Romantic | June 15, 2018

(This was before I was born. Dad has just come home with shopping bags.)

Mom: “Honey, can you check the oven while I put the groceries away?”

Dad: “Sure.” *checks* “There’s just a bun… Wait a second.”

(He turns around and sees Mom wearing the biggest and goofiest smile ever.)

Dad: “You mean…”

Mom: “Yup, I found out yesterday.”

Dad: “And you put a bun…”

Mom: “Uh-huh!”

(Dad kisses Mom on the forehead and laughs.)

Dad: “It’s gestures like these that remind me why I love you, my little cornball.”

(And this is how Mom told Dad about me. No wonder I love cheese so much!)

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