Somehow Seriously Suggestive Sentences

, , , , , | Romantic | November 18, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have a tricky arrangement where he works almost two hours away and stays there rather than commuting every day. He usually comes home for a long weekend, but something comes up and he has to stay for two weeks.)

Me: “I wish you were here. For snuggling. And smooching.”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “And other things that begin with S?”

Me: “Slow-dancing?”

Boyfriend: “No, the other thing.”

Me: “Supper by candlelight?”

Boyfriend: “Noooo…”

Me: “A sweet sunset stroll, holding handssssssss?”

Boyfriend: “Good alliteration, but no, try again.”

Me: “Wait, did I already say smooching?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “What about esssssssss-kimo kisses?”

Boyfriend: “Wow.”

“Helpless” To Resist Adopting This Cat

, , , , , | Romantic | November 16, 2018

(My husband and I have been talking about getting a new cat for a while now. I’m set on getting a rescue, but my husband is set on getting the same breed as our last cat, who was a retired grand champion Scottish Fold. One morning one of our clients comes in with a stray cat she found. She can’t keep him because all her cats hate him, so the doctor agrees that he can wait out the stray hold period with us. Before I even start work that day it is already decided by all of my coworkers that if he doesn’t get claimed I am taking him home. He is a scrawny cat with folded ears, obviously a half-breed with an American Shorthair on the other side. My husband comes by to pick me up for lunch and gets taken back to the kennel room to meet the cat. It is love at first sight, and on the way to lunch we have the following conversation.)

Husband: “So… what’s his name?”

Me: “We haven’t decided yet. The doc was thinking Hamish or Shamish, [Coworker #1] voted for Haggis, and [Coworker #2] said Macbeth. I was thinking maybe Jamie for the Doctor Who character… What do you suggest?”

Husband: “Well… I mean he is handsome, and boy, does he know it.”

Me: “Yeah, he is.”

Husband: “And he has those intelligent eyes and a hunger pang frame.”

Me: “Yes, he does.”

Husband: “And you look into those eyes and you’re helpless, right?”

Me: “Yeah… What are you getting at?”

Husband: “You haven’t figured it out yet?”

Me: “No…”

Husband: “Well, babe, he’s—” *starts singing* “—a b*****d, orphan, son of a w**** and a Scotsman, dropped in a forgotten spot in [Shopping Center].”

Me: *finally catching on* “Oh, dear.”

Husband: “Alexander Hamilcat! His name is Alexander Hamilcat, and there’s a million things he hasn’t done, but just you wait, just you wait…”

(We took Alexander home a month later. He is curled up in my lap as I type this.)

Got His Seven-Up!

, , , , , | Romantic | November 14, 2018

(My husband and I are eating a dinner of steak and garden peas together. Midway through the meal, he throws a couple of peas at me.)

Husband: *giggles* “I just peed on you!”

(A few minutes later he picks up his soda, glancing seductively at me.)

Husband: “Maybe later I’ll ‘mount-and-do’ you.”

(I’m so glad I found someone who enjoys the same humor as I do.)

Stan Lee… RIP

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | November 12, 2018

Many of us here at Not Always Right grew up with the marvelous comic creations of Stan Lee, and we were all sad to hear of his passing. In tribute to his amazing legacy, we have rounded up some stories from the archives that show we are not alone in being touched by prolific and creative energy.


Photo credit: Fort Greene Focus on VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

 

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers – True love can blossom in comic conundrums.

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers, Part 2 – True love can also blossom in comic confrontations!

Generation X – Stan’s creativity has allowed many children to think outside the box.

Granola Bars, High In Iron, Gamma Rays, And Vibranium –  For well-behaved children, the reward is Marvel!

The Stark Truth Shall Set You Free – Marvel’s output gets biblical in its complexity.

Got The Avengers Nailed – Who said comics are just for boys?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Customer Service – The secret identity to a child’s happiness.

The Infinity Aisle – With great power comes a great work ethic!

Made Contact With The X-Men – A child’s wonder is one of the best things that come from comics.

The Black Widow To My Hawkeye – DC? Eww!

A Thort-ful Child, Part 2 – Stan Lee, we were Loki to have you.

 

Want more? Then why not revisit our Superhero Roundup?

That’s Some Really Crappy Sex

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 12, 2018

(My husband walks into our bedroom, naked, and slithers up into bed with me.)

Husband: “So, I was just in the bathroom trying to poop, and I thought, ‘What do most guys do while they’re trying to poop, but can’t? Probably watch porn. Hmm. I’m going to go have sex with my wife, instead!’”

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