Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered
Relationships, romance, and break-ups!

Your Friend’s A Real Animal

, , , , , | Romantic | May 15, 2022

My friend loves April Fool’s Day. Just this year, she posted ads online for bogus stuff — one with goats for sale and the other for an animal impersonation contest.

On both of them, she included her husband’s phone number and encouraged people to call pretending to be responding to them.

At Least He Remembers Your Name! We Assume…

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 11, 2022

My boyfriend and I are doing some Christmas shopping. We decide to go into a department store to look for a kitchen item his mom has asked for. The entrance takes us by the jewelry section, so I stop to look at the pretty sparkly things. The main display we see is one centered around birthstones.

Me: “Oh, opal. That’s October’s birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, that’s too bad for you.”

Me: “Um… I think opal is pretty; it’s my mom’s birthstone. But I said it’s for October; it’s not my birthstone.”

Boyfriend: “Oh… right.”

Me: *Suspicious* “You know when my birthday is, right?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…”

I address him by his full first name instead of the shortened version he goes by.

Me: “[Boyfriend], when is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Listen—”

Me: “I know your birthday! It’s [his birthdate]. When is my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “I only know two birthdays, okay? My dad’s and my sister’s. I don’t even know my mom’s, because we always celebrate it on Black Friday regardless of when it actually falls.”

Me: “I know your mom’s birthday, too! It’s [her birthdate].”

In his defense, I only know this because his mom’s birthday JUST happened.

Boyfriend: “Um…”

Me: “Do you know what season it’s in, at least?”

He responds after way, way too long thinking about it.

Boyfriend: “Summer?”

Me: “Yes. Do you remember sitting outside at [Restaurant] for my birthday?”

Boyfriend: “Ohh, right. Please ignore me while I answer this totally unrelated text…”

Me: “You’re checking your calendar, aren’t you?”

Boyfriend: “[MY BIRTHDATE]! It’s [my birthdate].”

It’s been a few months. I’m not sure he’d remember if I asked him again!

At Least They Didn’t Go To Waste

, , , | Romantic | May 8, 2022

My husband had never bought me a Valentine’s gift before, but on one memorable Valentine’s Day, he walked in with the biggest display of flowers I had ever seen — think of something out of a fancy hotel foyer.

I was stunned and was busy stuttering my thanks when he opened up his big, fat gob.

Husband: “Oh, I didn’t buy these. They were throwing them out at the job I was on and I thought you might like them.”

Nope. Not a romantic bone in that man’s body.

Uh… Boys Will Be Boys?

, , , , , , | Romantic | May 4, 2022

Back in her high school days, Mum was the most beautiful girl in school, to the point where there was a gentleman’s agreement among the boys that Mum was for everyone to equally enjoy from afar — off-limits to confessions and everything.

Me: “Then how did Dad get you?”

Mum: “He punched me in the face.”

Me: “What?”

Mum does kendo and karate. That I already knew. But apparently, their high school didn’t have a kendo club. It did, however, have a fencing club. Mum decided to challenge a few of the fencers to an informal swordfight.

Mum trounced three fencing club members, including the captain, before Dad, a new transfer student, stepped up.

Dad: “All right, so we agree. First to fifteen points. Anything goes.”

Mum: “Sure.”

Dad actually put on quite a good showing. He was in the lead for most of the fight. Mum was stronger than him — still is stronger, actually — but Dad was and still is faster than her. His sword had a longer reach, and he scored by stabbing, not by slashing, compounding that advantage. Dad leveraged his speed to keep himself out of range of Mum, slowly but surely racking up the points.

But eventually, Dad tired out. He started making mistakes, and Mum, who had been conserving her stamina for the whole match, stopped holding back.

13-11 in Dad’s favour slowly tipped to 13-13, and then 13-14. Getting rather desperate, after Mum parried his sword, Dad used his free hand to slug her straight in the face, and then he stabbed her with his sword before she could react.

14-14 now. Anything goes. They had both agreed to that. The punch didn’t count, but the sword stab did.

Mum reared back from the left hook and angrily retaliated by removing a hand from her sword and throwing a right straight right into Dad’s face. She hit him so hard he was thrown off his feet and onto the ground.

Despite being stunned — and half-blind as his glasses had been bent quite out of shape from how hard his mask was hit — Dad still managed to leap to his feet and somehow not just parry Mum’s shinai but actually score the fifteenth point at the same time. 

He had blocked the slash with his sword’s guard, and the tip had carried on to stab Mum’s breastplate.

Me: “What, really?”

Dad: “Yeah, I’ve still got the scar to prove it.”

He shows me his right hand where there’s a keloid scar over the knuckle of his thumb.

Dad: “I got that because I parried [Mum]’s last blow with the guard of my epee. She hit it so hard that the guard slammed into my hand and cut me through my glove.”

The guard of an epee is essentially a metal bowl that covers the top of the wielder’s hand to prevent the opponent from stabbing them in the fingers. The rim of the bowl is pretty sharp, as my Dad clearly found out firsthand. Literally.

Me: *To Mum* “So, you fell in love with Dad because he beat you.”

Mum: “No, I fell in love with [Dad] because he apologised for punching me and baked me cupcakes. It was pretty sweet.”

Me: “The cupcakes or the gesture?”

Mum: “Both.”

Me: “Okay. Okay. I know Dad’s baking is awesome, but seriously? That’s all it took?”

Mum: “No, he was also the only boy in school that treated me as an actual human being and respected me for my thoughts and opinions instead of just my looks or athletic talent.”

Me: “Really? Over a hundred boys in school, and only Dad wasn’t charmed by your looks?”

Mum: “Oh, he was charmed. Couldn’t look straight at me without blushing and stammering. But unlike the rest, he actually listened when I talked and tried his best to treat me like everyone else.”

Dad: *Shrugs* “To be fair, I was a transfer student. I didn’t know about the whole ‘gentleman’s agreement’ thing until after we’d became boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Mum: “You nearly got lynched by the boys.”

Dad: “Thrice. That I know of. And [Teacher] tried to get me suspended for confessing. I think he was jealous.”

Mum: “Oh, he was.”

Me: “So, was it worth it in the end?”

Both Of Them: “Absolutely.”

They never married each other, even after a decade and two children, but are both still very much madly in love. And to think it all started with a punch in the face.

A Delightful Prom Alternative

, , , , | Romantic | April 28, 2022

High school prom is an event all unto itself. My friends and I were not big into the dance as we were all outcasts and didn’t see what the big deal was. We were talking about how we didn’t want to go to prom but we still wanted to do something, so our boyfriends told us to get dressed up and they would take us out. 

My two friends and I got dressed in our “prom” best and waited for the guys to pick us up. Our guys showed up in tuxedo T-shirts with jackets and top hats, looking amazing and silly at the same time. 

They took us to the [Fast Food Chain] one of them worked at. They had one part of the dining room blocked off. The employee’s dad greeted us, also wearing a tux shirt and top hat, and seated us at individual tables with white table cloths, candles, actual china, silver flatware, cloth napkins, and roses in tiny vases. 

We had our “fine dining” experience where we had our courses of burgers and fries brought out to us by the guy’s older brother — in a tux shirt and top hat — with sparkling grape juice being poured like fine wine from an ice wine bucket in the corner.

We had excellent service from the dad and brother who were the utmost professionals the entire time, though we were laughing, giggling, and just cracking up at how beyond sweet and ridiculous this all was.

The boy that thought of everything and somehow talked his family into this magical date night is now married to my friend with three amazing kids. 

He was telling his oldest son about how he came up with it all at BBQ last weekend, which makes me wonder if another girl is going to be swept off her feet?