Three ‘Noes’ Could Be A Yes

, , , | Romantic | May 27, 2017

(I work at a well-known company helping to diagnose and troubleshoot devices when things go wrong. While I often have to face challenging, upset, and sometimes downright disrespectful customers, this one today was a bit overenthusiastic. This occurs after I begin to help a customer who has come in with his friend. Both of them are drenched in cologne and are almost 10 years younger than me.)

Guy’s Friend: “Hey, do you know any nice restaurants in this neighborhood?”

Me: *honestly* “No.” *goes back to helping out customer with his issues*

Guy’s Friend: “Oh, because I wanted to take you out.”

Me: “No.”

Guy’s Friend: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I have a boyfriend.”

Guy’s Friend: “But not a husband, so I still have a shot.”

Me: “No.”

Guy’s Friend: “So when we fix this phone, the first number that’s going in is yours.”

Me: “…No.”

(At this point, I just stopped responding to him completely and just focused on my job. It’s amazing how many people don’t care enough to respect personal boundaries to accept a “no” stated so plainly and simply.)

Roped Into That One

, , , | Romantic | May 26, 2017

(One of our cats has gotten sick, so we’ve taken her to the vet. After the exam, they take her off to give her a couple of shots. Left alone, I start fiddling with various things in the exam room, one of which is a length of rope with a loop in it, probably used to attach to leashes. I slip one end of the rope through the loop and let it drop to my crotch, and am about to say, “Look, honey…I’m hung like a horse.” Instead…)

Fiancée: “You’re going to need a much smaller rope.”

Me: *throwing the rope aside* “Shut up. I hate you.”

You Know How To Push My Chocolate Buttons

, , , | Romantic | May 26, 2017

(My fiancé and I go to a well-known coffee chain before church, and we’re waiting in line. Somehow the discussion turns to chocolate.)

Fiancé: “So, my mum got us some chocolate for later on today. It has little rainbow bits in and I think it will be nice for us to have!”

Me: “Oh! Okay. I was gonna finish my chocolate buttons from last week.”

Fiancé: “Oh, right… I ate those.”

Me: “…you ate my chocolate buttons?”

Fiancé: “But we still have the rainbow choc—”

Me: “But you ate my chocolate buttons. I was looking forward to finishing them.”

Fiancé: “But we have this chocolate this afternoon so it’ll be fine.”

Me: *pouts* “You ate my chocolate buttons.”

Makeout Sessions Leave You Tapped Out

, , , | Romantic | May 25, 2017

(My boyfriend and I are spending the night together, and we’ve started making out.)

Boyfriend: *in between kisses* “Come on, show me what you can do.”

Me: “I can tap dance.”

Boyfriend: “No, in bed.”

Me: “Well, I’ve never tried tap dancing in bed, but I can give it a shot.”

Boyfriend: *bursts out laughing* “I was hoping you were going to take it in that direction!”

(After six years, I guess he would know what my sense of humor is like.)

The Guys Who Linger In Lingerie

, , , | Romantic | May 25, 2017

(I am about 16 or 17 working at a low end department store in the lingerie department. I am also tiny, 5’0″ – 110 lbs, and look much younger than my age. A man who looks to be in his 50s or 60s comes in and starts browsing while creepily staring at me. I can feel him staring and notice that he has undone the top few buttons of his shirt. As I am trying to figure out what to do he grabs something off the rack and approaches me holding up a tiny, yellow lace negligee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, you are about the same size as my wife and I was wondering if you could try this on for me so I can see how it’ll look like on my wife.”

Me: “Uh, NO!”

(Cue security escorting him out.)

Page 1/1,38012345...Last