Death Becomes Her, Part 5

, , , , , | Romantic | January 16, 2018

(I am checking out a married couple at my till. It is just about sunset.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Husband: “Good.” *looks at wife* “She hasn’t killed me yet.”

Wife: *chuckling* “The day’s not over yet, honey.”

 

Related:

Death Becomes Her, Part 4

Death Becomes Her, Part 3

Death Becomes Her, Part 2

Children Of Cancer

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(A customer and her daughter, who can be no older than four, walk up to the service counter.)

Customer: “Can I get a pack of [Cigarette Brand] please.”

Supervisor: “Sure.”

Girl: “No, Mommy, don’t.”

Customer: “But Daddy asked me to get them for him.”

Girl: “But they’re bad.” *to supervisor* “Don’t get them.”

Supervisor: “I have to, or I’ll get in trouble.”

(My supervisor goes over to the drawer and grabs the cigarettes.)

Girl: “No! Don’t get them. They’re bad for Daddy. Don’t!”

Customer: “It’s okay, honey.”

Girl: *looking more and more upset by the second* “No, it’s not. Don’t scan them. Please.”

Supervisor: *trying to act as sweetly as possible* “I’m very sorry, but I have to. It’s my job. I’ll get in trouble if I don’t.”

(She scans the cigarettes.)

Supervisor: “That’ll be [price].”

Girl: “No! Don’t! Mummy, don’t buy them. They’re bad for Daddy. They’ll kill him.”

(The customer pays and the supervisor hands them the pack of cigarettes.)

Girl: “No!”

(As her mother tried to drag her away, the little girl folded her arms and scrunched up her face in that cute way four-year-olds do when they’re angry. I’m glad my supervisor took that one; I don’t think I would have been able to go through with the purchase with a little girl basically begging me to spare her father’s life.)

Hands-Off Tamp-On

, , , , , , , | Working | January 14, 2018

(My coworker and I are putting items back on the shelves. I’ve got an armful of beauty products that I’m putting back, in addition to a whole cart full of items that a customer left. He’s just standing there, watching. He’s male, I’m female. We’re both in college.)

Me: “Hey, there’s a few boxes of tampons in the cart that go on this aisle. Can you put them back?”

Coworker #1: “Ew! No, you do it.”

Me: “Okay, then you come put all this makeup back.”

Coworker #1: “No way; that’s girl stuff!”

Me: “Then put the tampons away.”

Coworker #1: “That’s so gross.”

Me: “They’re not used, you idiot. They’re individually wrapped in a freaking box.”

Coworker #1: “I’m not touching those.”

Me: “What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend?”

Coworker #1: “She’s buying her own tampons.”

([Coworker #2], also a college-age guy, walks over.)

Coworker #2: “[Coworker #1], man, you’ve got to be kidding me. Dumba**.”

(He grabs the boxes of tampons out of the cart and puts them back on the shelf.)

Coworker #2: “This is why you don’t have a girlfriend.”

(He high-fived me and headed back to his register.)

They’re Crackers About This Holiday

, , , , , , | Working | January 11, 2018

(A Jewish friend recently moved to North Carolina. She goes to her local grocery store and finds a big display of challah bread… for Passover, AKA The Holiday Where Jews Can’t Eat Bread. She goes to the customer service desk to speak to a manager.)

Friend: “Excuse me, but why do you have a display of challah for Passover?”

Manager: “It’s challah! Don’t you Jews eat this at every holiday?”

Friend: “Not Passover. That’s the holiday that is coming up. We can’t eat leavened bread on Passover.”

Manager: “Oh… Is that why we’ve got those big boxes of Jewish crackers?”

Friend: *sighs* “Yes, that’s when we eat the big crackers.”

(The next time my friend went to the grocery store, they were selling the challah at a sharp discount.)

There’s No Sugar-Coating What This Is

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2018

(I’m at a table handing out free samples and coupons.)

Customer: “What have we here?”

Me: “Chocolate truffles.”

Customer: *reaches for truffle* “Oh, I gave up sugar two years ago.”

Me: “Oh, that’s good!”

Customer: *pops another one in her mouth* “It just makes me sooo jittery. Mmmmm!”

Me: “I have a dollar-off coupon for them.”

Customer: “Oh, no, dear!” *pops another* “I haven’t had sugar in two years!”

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