(I have just moved more than halfway across the continent for a temporary job. No matter what, I will be leaving this city after two months. Because I am so far from home, there are no locations of the regional grocery store I typically use, so I have gone to a local chain. I am checking out.)

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “No, thank you, not today.”

Cashier: *forcefully* “And why not?”

Me: “I just don’t usually shop here.”

Cashier: *indignant* “Well, where do you shop?”

Me: “Um… in Kentucky?”

(I went to this store several times during my stay, and the cashier always seemed upset that I wasn’t a member.)

(I work as a barista in a grocery store. I get a lot of hard customers, and I’m pretty patient, but this one takes the cake for me. A woman comes up to the pastry case near the other register next to mine. After asking from my register how I can help her, and her not moving, I walk over to the pastry case to help her.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any more of those dark squares?”

Me: “You mean… a brownie?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, we have that one in the case, and the others we have are frozen right now and thawing.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay. I’ll just take a frozen one; it’s fine.”

Me: *starts to grab a frozen brownie*

Customer: “You know what, I’ll take the one in the case.”

Me: *sets the frozen brownie down and starts to get the one in the case*

Customer: “You know what? I’ll take the frozen one.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.” *opens the pack of frozen brownies*

Customer: “Wait a minute. Are you able to thaw that?”

Me: “Well, I can heat the brownie up, but since it’s frozen, I can’t guarantee it’ll be warm all the way through.”

Customer: “Okay, then let me get the one in the case.”

Me: *sets the frozen brownies down again and goes to grab the one in the case*

Customer: “Wait, never mind. Just give me a frozen one and I’ll deal with it.”

Me: *grabs the frozen brownies again*

Customer: “Yeah, I just don’t know how long that’s been in the case.”

Me: “We put our pastries in every day, so it’s only been in there since this morning.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, let me go ahead and take the one in the case, then.”

Me: “Okay no problem.” *grabs the brownie from pastry case* “Would you like it heated up?”

Customer: “Hmm… no, I’ll just take it home.”

Me: *goes to put the brownie in a bag*

Customer: “You know what? Let me have it warmed.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.” *puts the brownie in the oven and starts to press the button to warm it*

Customer: “Wait! Actually, I’ll just take it as is.”

Me: *takes the brownie out of the oven, puts it in a bag, and hands it to her*

Customer: “Actually, can you warm it? Sorry.”

Me: “Sure.” *puts the brownie in the oven again*

Customer: “But only a little bit!”

Me: *sets the oven on a low setting and warms the brownie* “Okay, ma’am, here’s your brownie.”

Customer: *pays and walks away*

Coworker: “Wow, I am so glad you had her. I would’ve lost it on her.”

Me: *sighs*

(My coworkers and I joke that I’m the ghost of the supermarket, because for some weird reason my voice just doesn’t register with customers. I’m not quiet; my coworkers can hear me fine, but with customers, I’ll usually have to repeat myself three or four times, talk in a much louder and higher-pitched voice that normal, or rely on a coworker to “translate.” In this story, though, I’m recovering from a cold and can’t modulate my voice like usual, and I don’t have a bagger to help. The customer has piled her groceries on the belt in heaps and when the belt starts moving, a head of cauliflower falls off onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, I think one of your veggies fell. Do you want to grab it?”

Customer #1: “What? Did you say something?”

Me: “Your cabbage– wait, no, it’s a cauliflower. It fell off the belt; it’s on the floor right there. You should probably grab it.”

(The customer stares straight through me and goes back to bagging.)

Me: “Ma’am, one of your groceries fell. Do you want your cauliflower?”

Customer #1: “I have enough bags, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, but do you want to pick up your cauliflower? It fell off the belt.”

(The customer doesn’t seem to hear me. Meanwhile, at the lane across from me, [Customer #2] comes up, finds the cauliflower on the ground, and looks at it, confused.)

Me: *to the second customer* “Oh, that belongs to this customer; if you don’t mind handing it to me…”

([Customer #2] ignores me and picks up the cauliflower, looking at it, perplexed. My coworker, who didn’t see this happen, opens up the lane for her.)

Coworker: “Okay, your total is $15.12. Did you want to get the cauliflower also?”

Customer #2: “It actually isn’t mine. I found it on the floor.”

Me: “It belongs to this customer! They dropped it!”

(The store is started to get busier, and it’s noisy. My coworker can’t hear me because their lane is too far away, and neither customer can hear me because of my strange curse, even though I’m speaking as loud as I physically can, and neither customer is more than four feet away from me.)

Coworker: “Oh, I can put that back for you.”

Customer #2: “Actually, maybe I should buy it. I always forget to get cauliflower.”

Coworker: “Hey, it’s fate.”

Me: *to the first customer* “Ma’am, they are buying your cauliflower right now. Do you want to get a new one?”

Customer #1: “I’m using credit.”

([Customer #2] leaves, happy as a clam with her new cauliflower. I sigh.)

Me: “Do you want your receipt today?”

(No response. Of course. The customer turns to leave.)

Customer #1: “Why haven’t you given me the receipt yet?”

(Cue internal screaming… although I might as well try external, since no one would notice, anyway. When I relayed this story to my boss, he told me to log the cauliflower as “left in the basket” in the forgotten items log, since no one would believe “a customer dropped it and another customer bought it off the floor while I repeatedly told both of them what was happening and they ignored me.”)

(I’m the only pregnant employee on staff currently but happen to have worked there for nearly seven years. I work in the grocery section of the store primarily but know a great deal about other departments especially involving maintenance. Defrosting the freezers takes an hour of defrosting plus the time for the removal of the food and shelving, getting a hose and hot water hooked up, and then cleaning it all up and putting it all back together. It’s a two-person job — one for the actual defrosting and one to run a shop vac to the drain and back to the freezer to remove the water as the hot water melts the ice. Each section of the freezer has to be done about once every five to eight months depending on how healthy the cooling units are.)

Me: “Hey, these frozen doors are getting warmer. You might want to defrost them before it gets critical.”

Freezer Department: “Yeah, I was gonna see how it looked tomorrow—” *Friday* “—and do it then.”

(Friday comes:)

Boss: “Hey! Can you come in and defrost the freezers? The freezer department started it but had to be someplace.”

Me: “If I don’t do it on my day off I’m gonna have to do it the morning of our busiest day of the week—” *Saturday* “—aren’t I?”

Boss: “Probably…”

Me: “I’ll be right in.”

(And that is why I make several dollars more than the entry-level employees.)

(I am at the grocery store, going to the self-checkout. There are two self-checkout areas right next to each other. I see one is busy, with a line of about four people, while the other area is completely empty. At first, I assume that the other area is broken, but when I look, all the machines are on and seem functional. So, I carry my basket over to one of those lines, bypassing the line entirely. Not even two seconds later, the lady who had been at the front of the line suddenly bustles over to my station with her cart.)

Customer: “Ahem!”

Me: *turning to look at her* “Hello?”

Customer: “It is very rude to just jump the line like that! You need to go wait your turn.”

Me: *looking at the other empty stations* “I’m sorry, but that line was apparently waiting for the other area. This area was empty; it’s not my fault none of you were willing to move over.”

Customer: “IT IS RUDE!” *tries to push her cart into me*

Me: *stops the cart with my foot* “Hey! Back off!”

(At that point, the employee who is supposed to be watching the area comes over, and the lady starts shouting to him about how rude I was. While that happens, I manage to finish scanning my items, feed my money into the machine, and then grab my change and bags and start to walk off.)

Customer: “Where are you going? You need to wait your turn!”

(I just waved.)