At my store, we use both paper and plastic bags frequently. Note that (per state law!) We don’t charge for either.
Me: What kind of bag would you like?
Customer, more often than I care to count: Oh, just regular.
Me: *picks at random*
(My coworker created a deli-themed rapper alter-ego for himself. Sometimes when we’re not busy, he talks about what his alter-ego would sing about or what his concerts would be like.)
Coworker: “What do you think about this for the cover of the [Deli-Themed Rapper] album?”
(He crouches down with a box of fried chicken in his hand and tries to look tough.)
Me: “I think you should turn around and be like Nicki Minaj.”
(He and our other coworker crack up.)
Me: “My album cover would be my headless body slicing my head on the slicer, while it looks at you and grins horribly.”
Coworker: “Dude, that’s awesome.”
Me: “It’s like something out of Garbage Pail Kids. Or Iron Maiden, if they did deli stuff.”
Coworker: “I think, ‘Iron Maiden if they did deli stuff,’ might be the weirdest phrase I’ve heard all week.”
Me: “Cool. My job is done!”
(My sister is grocery shopping when a man comes up to her. She’s wearing a shirt with an AC/DC logo.)
Man: “Hey, miss, are you wearing an AC/DC shirt?”
Sister: “Yes?”
Man: “Kids, using real music to look cool. Do you even listen to AC/DC?”
Sister: “Actually, I love classic rock. I think it’s because when I was a baby, my dad would give me my bottles while watching Headbangers Ball on MTV2.”
Man: *pauses* “Your father is a good man.”
(Two customers have been shopping together and sharing a basket, but they’re purchasing their items separately.)
Me: “Okay, this is going to be $3.49.”
([Customer #1] goes to hand me her credit card.)
Me: “Oh, I’m afraid we have a $5.00 card minimum.”
([Customer #1] looks at [Customer #2] with a deer-in-the-headlights face.)
Customer #2: *to [Customer #1]* “Oh, it’s fine; she’ll put your card through, anyway.”
(I start to shake my head and open my mouth to say no, I won’t waive the minimum, but [Customer #1] adds a piece of candy to her order.)
Customer #1: “What am I at now?”
Me: “$4.25. You could grab a $.99 drink, or another pack of gum?”
Customer #2: “Wait, you’re going to make her get to exactly $5.00?”
Me: “Well, we can make an exception starting at $4.95, but yes, it’s a $5.00 minimum.”
([Customer #1] adds another pack of gum and is able to pay with her card. Meanwhile [Customer #2] is staring at me with the most confused, grumpy look on his face.)
Customer #2: “Here, I have cash!”
Me: “Awesome, your total is $3.00.”
Customer #2: “So, you really wouldn’t just put that on my card?”
Me: “No, we have a $5.00 card minimum.”
(Amazingly, the cashier isn’t allowed to change the rules of the store! He honestly couldn’t comprehend that a card minimum means you need to spend that much to use your card.)
(I work as a cashier at my local grocery store. My supervisor is an older man, who tends to be kind of a pushover in regards to customers, which is why this incident surprises me. I am scanning a woman’s groceries.)
Me: “Hello, did you manage to find everything okay?”
Customer: “Yes. I have a 20% discount.”
Me: *a bit confused, as I don’t know of any coupon or deal we have to give 20% off an entire purchase* “Okay. Well, if you could just show me the coupon for that, I’ll get it scanned in.”
Customer: *says nothing, just stares at me*
Me: *after a few moments* “Um, ma’am? I’m going to need the coupon to process any discounts.”
Customer: *speaking very slowly* “I. Have. A. 20%. Discount.”
Me: “I understand, but I need something to scan in to process that discount.”
Customer: *stares at me, saying nothing*
(After a couple more attempts to get her to show me whatever is giving her this discount, my supervisor comes over to see what the hold-up is with my line. I explain things, while the woman just keeps staring silently at us.)
Supervisor: “All righty. So, as my cashier said, we need to see proof of the discount.”
Customer: *lets out an angry snort, but otherwise, still says nothing*
Supervisor: *after a brief staring contest with the woman, shakes his head* “Right, then.”
(He reaches over and types in the register to void out the purchase, pulling the bags around behind the counter.)
Supervisor: “Next!”
Customer: *starts screaming* “What are you doing?! I’m not finished!”
Supervisor: “Yeah, you are, as you just stood there like a statue. Now, you can either take your things and go to the back of the line to try this again, or you can get the h*** out of my store. Either way, you aren’t getting any discounts today.”
(After a brief angry glare, while I started scanning the next customer’s things, the woman turned and stomped out, making deliberately big stomps as she did.)
