(I work as a grocery clerk for a supermarket near Seattle. I am walking down an aisle while pushing several shopping carts back up to the front of the store. There is an elderly woman standing in the middle of the aisle with her own cart, and there isn’t enough room for me to squeeze past her unless she moves forward three feet, to a wider spot in the aisle.)

Me: “Hi. Would it be possible for you to move your cart a little bit, so that I can fit by? Just to the wide spot would be awesome.”

(The customer stares at me for a moment, frowns, and steps into the wide spot with her cart.)

Me: *smiling* “Oh, thank you! That’s perfect!”

(I start to walk by her with the carts, but before I am completely past her, she speaks.)

Customer: “I think you should move for the customer.”

Me: *startled* “Huh?”

Customer: “I’m the customer. You should move for me. Not the other way around. I shouldn’t have to move for you.”

Me: *turns to look at her* “But I couldn’t go around you if you didn’t move your cart.”

Customer: “Exactly. You should have gone down a different aisle as soon as you saw me! It was extremely rude of you to come down here, and you need to learn some manners!” *glares*

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Hmph! So rude!” *turns away*

(Perplexed, I hurried up front to the cash registers, where I described the incident to one of the cashiers. About then, the customer appeared at the checkstand, still glowering at me. Fortunately, my shift was over, so I walked away and punched out without having to serve her.)

(After school, my friend and I go to the grocery store. I get my magazine and she gets her sweets but when we reach the register, there’s a very angry woman screaming at the cashier.)

Woman: “Just get my money already! I don’t have time for this!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, as I explained, the card is maxed out. I’ll ask again, do you have another form of payment?”

Woman: “Of course I don’t. I only use my card!”

Friend: *quietly to me* “I guess no one told her majesty that credit cards aren’t magically unlimited.”

Woman: “Mind your own d*** business! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Friend: “The overgrown brat who is wasting everyone’s time? I just went through seven hours of school including two tests, an oral presentation, and my period. I need my chocolate and I am trying very hard not to scream right now.”

(If looks could kill, that woman’s glare would’ve sent us into one of the nine circles of the underworld. The woman finally called what I assume was her husband from the car to bring cash to pay for her items. We just switched to another register.)

(I have just moved more than halfway across the continent for a temporary job. No matter what, I will be leaving this city after two months. Because I am so far from home, there are no locations of the regional grocery store I typically use, so I have gone to a local chain. I am checking out.)

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “No, thank you, not today.”

Cashier: *forcefully* “And why not?”

Me: “I just don’t usually shop here.”

Cashier: *indignant* “Well, where do you shop?”

Me: “Um… in Kentucky?”

(I went to this store several times during my stay, and the cashier always seemed upset that I wasn’t a member.)

(I work as a barista in a grocery store. I get a lot of hard customers, and I’m pretty patient, but this one takes the cake for me. A woman comes up to the pastry case near the other register next to mine. After asking from my register how I can help her, and her not moving, I walk over to the pastry case to help her.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any more of those dark squares?”

Me: “You mean… a brownie?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, we have that one in the case, and the others we have are frozen right now and thawing.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay. I’ll just take a frozen one; it’s fine.”

Me: *starts to grab a frozen brownie*

Customer: “You know what, I’ll take the one in the case.”

Me: *sets the frozen brownie down and starts to get the one in the case*

Customer: “You know what? I’ll take the frozen one.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.” *opens the pack of frozen brownies*

Customer: “Wait a minute. Are you able to thaw that?”

Me: “Well, I can heat the brownie up, but since it’s frozen, I can’t guarantee it’ll be warm all the way through.”

Customer: “Okay, then let me get the one in the case.”

Me: *sets the frozen brownies down again and goes to grab the one in the case*

Customer: “Wait, never mind. Just give me a frozen one and I’ll deal with it.”

Me: *grabs the frozen brownies again*

Customer: “Yeah, I just don’t know how long that’s been in the case.”

Me: “We put our pastries in every day, so it’s only been in there since this morning.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, let me go ahead and take the one in the case, then.”

Me: “Okay no problem.” *grabs the brownie from pastry case* “Would you like it heated up?”

Customer: “Hmm… no, I’ll just take it home.”

Me: *goes to put the brownie in a bag*

Customer: “You know what? Let me have it warmed.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.” *puts the brownie in the oven and starts to press the button to warm it*

Customer: “Wait! Actually, I’ll just take it as is.”

Me: *takes the brownie out of the oven, puts it in a bag, and hands it to her*

Customer: “Actually, can you warm it? Sorry.”

Me: “Sure.” *puts the brownie in the oven again*

Customer: “But only a little bit!”

Me: *sets the oven on a low setting and warms the brownie* “Okay, ma’am, here’s your brownie.”

Customer: *pays and walks away*

Coworker: “Wow, I am so glad you had her. I would’ve lost it on her.”

Me: *sighs*

(My coworkers and I joke that I’m the ghost of the supermarket, because for some weird reason my voice just doesn’t register with customers. I’m not quiet; my coworkers can hear me fine, but with customers, I’ll usually have to repeat myself three or four times, talk in a much louder and higher-pitched voice that normal, or rely on a coworker to “translate.” In this story, though, I’m recovering from a cold and can’t modulate my voice like usual, and I don’t have a bagger to help. The customer has piled her groceries on the belt in heaps and when the belt starts moving, a head of cauliflower falls off onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, I think one of your veggies fell. Do you want to grab it?”

Customer #1: “What? Did you say something?”

Me: “Your cabbage– wait, no, it’s a cauliflower. It fell off the belt; it’s on the floor right there. You should probably grab it.”

(The customer stares straight through me and goes back to bagging.)

Me: “Ma’am, one of your groceries fell. Do you want your cauliflower?”

Customer #1: “I have enough bags, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, but do you want to pick up your cauliflower? It fell off the belt.”

(The customer doesn’t seem to hear me. Meanwhile, at the lane across from me, [Customer #2] comes up, finds the cauliflower on the ground, and looks at it, confused.)

Me: *to the second customer* “Oh, that belongs to this customer; if you don’t mind handing it to me…”

([Customer #2] ignores me and picks up the cauliflower, looking at it, perplexed. My coworker, who didn’t see this happen, opens up the lane for her.)

Coworker: “Okay, your total is $15.12. Did you want to get the cauliflower also?”

Customer #2: “It actually isn’t mine. I found it on the floor.”

Me: “It belongs to this customer! They dropped it!”

(The store is started to get busier, and it’s noisy. My coworker can’t hear me because their lane is too far away, and neither customer can hear me because of my strange curse, even though I’m speaking as loud as I physically can, and neither customer is more than four feet away from me.)

Coworker: “Oh, I can put that back for you.”

Customer #2: “Actually, maybe I should buy it. I always forget to get cauliflower.”

Coworker: “Hey, it’s fate.”

Me: *to the first customer* “Ma’am, they are buying your cauliflower right now. Do you want to get a new one?”

Customer #1: “I’m using credit.”

([Customer #2] leaves, happy as a clam with her new cauliflower. I sigh.)

Me: “Do you want your receipt today?”

(No response. Of course. The customer turns to leave.)

Customer #1: “Why haven’t you given me the receipt yet?”

(Cue internal screaming… although I might as well try external, since no one would notice, anyway. When I relayed this story to my boss, he told me to log the cauliflower as “left in the basket” in the forgotten items log, since no one would believe “a customer dropped it and another customer bought it off the floor while I repeatedly told both of them what was happening and they ignored me.”)