(My mom works in a well-known grocery store. On this particular day, she wears her company vest to work. This conversation she has with her coworker follows:)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [Mom], can I borrow your jacket?”

Mom: “I didn’t bring my jacket. I brought my vest.”

([Coworker #1] proceeds to give her a blank stare.)

Mom: “You know, my vest?”

Coworker #1: *blank stare*

(Mom walks off for a second, and comes back with her vest in tow.)

Mom: “See? My vest.”

Coworker #1: *at this point, he is beyond confused* “But… where did you put the sleeves?”

Mom: “[Coworker #1], vests don’t have sleeves.”

Coworker #1: *blank stare*

Mom: “Would you like me to ask [Coworker #2] to get you a jacket?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, uh, sure. I just needed one because I need to go into the freezer.”

(Mom goes and asks her second coworker to get [Coworker #1] his own coat specifically for the freezer, and goes to give it to him.)

Mom: “Okay, [Coworker #1], this is your coat to keep. Write your name in it, and leave it in your car. Don’t leave it in the store overnight.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, okay. Who’s coat is it?”

Mom: “No, [Coworker #1], this is your coat.”

Coworker #1: *blank stare* “Oh. Okay.”

(Later on that same night, Mom asks me this:)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Mom: “Do you know what a vest is?”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “A vest. Do you know what it is?”

Me: *thinks I’m hearing her wrong, because this sounds like a weird question* “A vest? Do you mean jackets without the sleeves?”

Mom: *relieved* “Good girl.”

(Bear in mind, my mom’s coworker is a junior in college. But my mom did also say that he has ADHD, and you can tell when he’s on his medication due to things like this, so this whole exchange was apparently nothing new for him.)

(In this instance, I am the stupid customer. I am at the grocery store till and the clerk has just finished scanning through all my items.)

Clerk: “That will be [price].”

(I reach into my back pocket only to find that my wallet is not there.)

Me: “Oh, my God.”

(I start pulling things out of my coat pocket looking for it, including my checkbook.)

Me: “Oh, my God, I left my wallet at home! Can you hold this?”

Clerk: “What about your checkbook, ma’am?”

Me: “What about it? I used it to pay daycare yester— Oh! Do people still pay for groceries with checks?”

Clerk: “Not often, but yes.”

Me: “Okay, my ID is in my car, though; do you mind holding this here while I run out and get it?”

Clerk: “Not a problem.”

(I run out, get my ID, come back, and finish the transaction without any more hiccups.)

Me: “I am so sorry about that. I’m just usually not so scatterbrained. Thank you for being patient with me!”

Clerk: “Ma’am, you didn’t yell at me once, and you apologized even though you didn’t have to. Believe me; I’ve had worse customers.”

(As if on cue, I hear the sound of raised voices from customer service.)

Me: “I can imagine; have a great day!”

(I get done ringing up a customer and she does the typical stare at the receipt for 5 minutes to inspect my work thing.)

Customer: These were 3 for 10 dollars.

Me: Did you Get three?

Customer: No.

Me:…

Customer (offended): Nevermind!

Me with a big smile: Have a wonderful day.

Customer: “These dips look the same, but I know they must be different because they’re not the same price.”
Me: “Actually, they are both Spinach Artichoke (as it says on the label). The prices are different because it’s sold by the pound.”
Customer: “…what does that mean?”
Me: O_o

(The opening self-checkout shift starts at 6:45AM, 15 minutes before the store is open. Usually, I work closing shifts on the self-checkout, so compared to some of the other workers when I open the self-checkout I’m a little slower. This morning, I came in to find the self-checkouts were malfunctioning, so I found other things to do until the tech came around to repair them. He finishes at around 10:25ish and I retrieve their money from the cash office. At the regular registers, a rush begins as I proceed to roll out a cart of a few thousand dollars in cash to begin my opening procedure. A customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Are these open?”

Me: (stopping working so I can keep all the money within my sights while he’s near) “No sir. We’ve had some technical difficulties. I’m just working on that now.”

Customer: “How long will that take?”

Me: “I usually take around a half hour, sir.”

Customer: “Well, when will they be open?”

Me: “In about a half hour.”

Customer: “Well, how many do you have left?”

Me: “All of them, so it’s going to be a half hour.”

Customer: “Well, can I use them?”

Me: “No sir, not for another half hour.”

Customer: “Can I use them when you’re done?”

Me: “If you’re willing to wait for a half hour, but getting in line over at the cashiers will be quicker.”

Customer: “But how long will you take?”