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There’s Always The “To Go” Option

, , , | Right | December 3, 2021

I am working at a fast-food restaurant, sweeping up behind the counter. A customer starts screaming at me.

Customer: “Stop sweeping! You’re getting dust particles in my food!”

Me: “???”

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 7

, , , | Right | December 1, 2021

Customer: “Is there gluten in these crab cakes?”

Me: “It doesn’t say, ‘gluten-free,’ so it’s likely.”

Customer: “Trying to eat gluten-free is really hard.”

Me: “Yeah, my mom had issues with gluten and she says the same thing.”

Customer: “You know, if she had issues with gluten, then you probably have issues with gluten, too.”

Me: “Um… yeah. It’s probably coming.”

Customer: “You already have it!? That’s where this—” *pointing at my stomach and indicating the size* “—comes from.”

Me: “So, anything else I can help you with?”

Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 6
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 5
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 4
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 3
Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought Part 2

If You Can’t Take The Heat, Don’t Even Think About The Kitchen

, , , | Right | December 1, 2021

I used to work in a fast food place. Our air conditioning went out one summer and we had to wait for a part to fix it. It was over eighty in the dining room, ninety behind the counter, and about a hundred degrees in the kitchen with the fryers, oven, and grill all going.

A little old lady walked up to the counter.

Lady: “It’s so hot in here! Could I go back and eat my food in the kitchen? Is it any cooler back there?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Not only is that a big health no-no, but our cook has been stepping outside into the ninety-plus-degree heat to cool down once or twice an hour.”

She didn’t seem concerned or convinced.

Customers Are Going To Bleed You Dry

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2021

I’m manning the registers with a few other coworkers of mine. I get a massive nosebleed right as I am finishing a transaction. I grab a tissue and quickly excuse myself to run to the restroom so I can try to get it to stop bleeding. This means that I can’t say goodbye to the customer and give the little spiel about how I am oh-so-grateful for her shopping with us.

After about ten minutes, I am finally able to get my nose back under control and head back to the registers. I see my last customer waiting to the side with a scowl on her face, arms crossed over her chest, the whole nine yards.

Customer: *Scoldingly* “You were very rude for not saying goodbye!”

Me: “I apologized; I had an unexpected nosebleed.”

Customer: “You should have tried holding it in! The customer comes first!”

Mom-thuselah Is Not Impressed

, , , , , , | Related | November 30, 2021

My mother, who lived in New Jersey, spent some time in California. While there, she had to visit a doctor. The doctor, as is customary, sent a write-up of his examination back to my mother’s regular physician in New Jersey.

My mother showed me her copy of the letter and was very indignant. The line in question read, “Mrs. [Mother], a seventy-five-year-old woman who looks her age…”

My mother found that very objectionable. True, my mother did look much younger than her age. But I thought I understood why the doctor wrote the letter that way.

Me: “Mom, everybody in California has work done, so the doctor thinks that’s what typical seventy-five-year-olds look like. You didn’t have any work done, so you must have looked like Methuselah to him!”

Needless to say, my explanation did not appease her!