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That’s Just Plain Weird. And Gross.

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: spam1424 | October 18, 2021

I’m a waitress at a restaurant chain known for their ice cream. I have a semi-regular family that comes in every once in a while. Every time they come in, they order their youngest child mac and cheese. The first time I served them, the child threw up all over the booth. I didn’t think much of it, just that he was sick or had an upset stomach. I cleaned up the booth. The next time was the same thing. Mac and cheese and then puke — again, in the booth and on the table.

This happens every time: the kid orders mac end cheese and then throws up. The kid never gets to the bathroom, and most the time he doesn’t even make an attempt to leave the table.

This most recent time they came in and I was their waitress, the child went to order mac and cheese again.

Me: *To the mom* “Is he okay to have that? He gets sick every time.”

Mom: “Oh, yeah, mac and cheese makes him sick, but he wants it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t think your child should order this if you know he’s going to puke from eating it. And quite frankly, I really don’t want to have to clean up vomit tonight.”

The mom threw a bit of a fit.

Me: “Why are you allowing your child to order a food that makes him sick, just to have someone else clean it up?”

The manager came over and agreed with me. The kid’s mom ordered him chicken tenders and fries, instead.

Thou Shalt Not Block My Exit

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2021

I arrive at a local church just as services are ending. I am collecting for the local food bank as the church has a collection once a month.

Moments before the service ends, an elderly man collapses. I am a retired medic, so I go to offer assistance. As soon as a medic arrives, I go outside to wait for the ambulance and help direct traffic. A man is already attempting to do that.

Man: “I need you all to get in your cars and leave now. The ambulance is coming, and you will be blocked in.”

The crowd ignores him and stands around.

Man: “If you don’t leave now, you will be here for a while.”

Nothing happens. The ambulance arrives and parks in the only available space, blocking the entrance to the lot. The driver gets out. A random woman who has been standing there the whole time speaks up.

Woman: “Can you move over there?” *Gestures vaguely* “We need to leave.” *Points to the crowd of people*

Driver: “Um, we need to be by the ramp.”

Woman: “But we want to leave now.”

The driver looks confused and hesitates.

Me: “No. He’s not moving. There’s an elderly man inside on the floor. He’s staying, doing his job, and then leaving.”

The driver looks relieved and rushes into the church. Eventually, the gentleman is brought out and the ambulance is loaded and leaves. After I gather up the food bank collection, I leave. A few moments later, I get a call from the pastor.

Pastor: “I got a complaint that you were rude and forced people to wait until the ambulance left.”

Me: “Yeah. There was a guy trying to get them to leave before the ambulance got there but they ignored him. As soon as the ambulance parked, they all wanted to leave.”

Pastor: “That’s what I heard. I also heard you were blunt and wouldn’t allow the driver to move.”

Me: “Sounds right.”

Pastor: “Good. That’s what should have happened. See you next month?”

Me: “Yup.”

This Customer Is More Painful Than The Average Jerk

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Warrior_White | October 14, 2021

I used to work at a big club warehouse in customer service. The job was great, and members were usually awesome, but every now and then I’d find the most entitled jerks to ever walk the earth. Based on the way they treated me and others, I can only assume they didn’t even see us as human. We were only lifelike robots built to ring up their items and load their carts.

One such incident that proves my assumption happened on a super busy Saturday. It was POURING outside. Members were fighting over parking close to the door and then bolting for the entrance as if their lives depended on it. As a courtesy to members, on rainy days, we always had someone outside in the front of the cart return bay to dry off the carts. This day was so busy; members were coming in faster than I could dry carts for them. Most were super nice and patient; they waited in line for dry ones and almost everyone thanked me. A few, who were in a hurry or didn’t care about dry carts, just skipped the line and grabbed a wet cart.

One such member rushed up and grabbed a wet cart from behind me. Sometimes carts get jammed or snagged together. Usually, it’s the buckles for the kiddie seats getting tangled, but sometimes it’s a warp in the cart from damage. This poor member grabbed one such warped cart and it dragged its buddy with it. The member attempted to dislodge it. He yanked. He twisted. He shook them violently. Then, he looked to me.

Member: *Demanding* “Help me get these carts separated!”

Me: “Can I offer you one of these dry ones, instead?”

Nope. He wanted THAT cart specifically for some reason. I abandoned my drying rag and attempted to pry the carts apart. It was like trying to separate two buffaloes in a horn lock. They refused to budge. I looked at the metal flap that allowed the carts to “nest” into each other. I saw where it was snagged and reached in to coax it free. I placed my other hand on the lip of the second cart to give me leverage while I untangled them.

Member: *Loudly* “Come on! I’m in a hurry!”

He decided I was clearly too incompetent to separate them, so he reached out to give the front cart one more tug.

At that exact moment, I loosened the second cart and the front cart sprang free. It launched forward… catching my thumb between it and the second, stationary, cart. I heard the POP sound of my thumb dislocating a few seconds before the pain hit me. I yanked my hand free and managed to stifle my choice profanity with less firing-worthy words. Something like, “Sucking sticks of saffron on a ship!” My supervisor witnessed this and still tells people it’s his favorite outburst.

The member just looked at me like I was nuts.

Member: “There! All I needed was a cart. Was that so hard?!”

I was cradling my oddly shaped hand.

Me: “Sir! I think you broke my finger!”

The member just shrugged, huffed, and walked into the warehouse. It looked like he forgot I existed the second he took his eyes off me.

My supervisor witnessed the whole thing but was more worried about me, not the member. He pulled me aside and radioed for ice. Lucky (or unlucky), I am very pain tolerant. It was not the first joint I’d dislocated. I also know the easiest way to end the pain is to reset the joint. I fiddled around with my weirdly dangly thumb until I felt it “click” back into place. My whole thumb was swollen and turning a lovely shade of purple.

My supervisor sent me inside to write up an incident report and sent a posse of employees into the store to find the member and sentence him to banishment, but, as it was insanely busy, they never found him. By far the worst… customer… ever.

At least I got an extra day off and a great macabre story out of it!

A “Little” Hard Of Hearing Is A “Lot” Of Understatement

, , | Right | October 14, 2021

Caller: “Hi there. I want to place an order with you. I’m a little hard of hearing, so please bear with me.”

I appreciate the warning, so I turn up the mic volume on my headset, set the mic right up to my mouth, and speak in a louder voice.

Me: “Sure thing, go ahead.”

Caller: “I’m looking for a…”

They give me a short list of items but no quantities.

Me: *Still loudly* “Was that one of each item?”

Caller: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

Me: *Louder* “Was that one of each?”

Caller: *Pause* “I’m sorry, I’m hard of hearing. One more time?”

Me: *Screaming now* “One of each?”

Caller: “Oh! Your voice is so soft. Yes, one of each.”

The rest of the call was in this manner.

I was in a cubicle, in an office, screaming at the top of my lungs. I could see people staring and hear giggles. When I hung up, exhausted and hoarse, my coworkers in the adjoining cubes laughed their a**es off as I told my very understanding supervisor I was going to take a break.

Some Bosses Expect The Impossible

, , , , , | Working | October 13, 2021

A few times a year, I get laryngitis and cannot even utter a squeak. I don’t get a whole lot of warning when it’s about to hit me, but when it does, I’m pretty much a street mime until it decides to pass. I don’t tend to call off work unless I’m so ill that I feel like I can’t legitimately do my job. When you answer calls all day long, not having a voice falls into this category.

One day, a few hours into my shift, my voice goes out completely. I frantically write a note to my supervisor explaining what has happened and that I will need to go home.

Supervisor: “No, you cannot leave! We’ve had way too many people call out today! Get back on the phone right now!”

Rather than argue, I decide to just do what I’m told. I get back on the phone and allow the calls to roll in. I attempt to greet each customer, but of course, nothing comes out of my mouth. The customers repeat, “Hello?” several times before finally hanging up. This goes on for about an hour.

Finally, my supervisor comes over to me.

Supervisor: “Umm… so, Quality was trying to monitor your calls just now. You can go home. Take as long as you need to get your voice back.”

I could have been snarky. Instead, I just wrote a polite, “Thank you,” and clocked out for the day. I’m still not sure how they expected me to do over-the-phone tech support without being able to talk.