Massaging The Wait Time

, , , | Friendly | October 11, 2019

(I’m a non-confrontational person; when I witness any incident, I tend to shy away and pretend not to look at it by switching my view to my phone. Today my body is so tensed up and I really can’t wait to get a massage treatment. I enter the spa and there’s a line to the counter. There’s only one line for BOTH registration and payment. As I am reaching the counter, the couple in front of me starts arguing with the cashier regarding the payment. Normally, I’d just keep silent and wait while playing a game on my phone no matter how long it takes. However, my body is aching and I’m so upset that I have to wait longer when it is almost my turn. So, I say in a louder than normal voice.)

Me: “UGH! THIS TAKES TOO LONG!”

(The wife turns to me and I instantly think:)

Me: *thinking* “Oh, my God! I just initiated a confrontation!”

(So, I immediately say:)

Me: “What? It’s my game! It takes too loooong to load this game on my phone!”

(Thankfully, she didn’t confront me or do anything, just turned back and swore something under her breath. But immediately afterward, the couple decided not to pursue the matter much longer and just left while the husband kept swearing. I was glad that, FINALLY, I could reach the counter, register my name on it, and get my massage. And it felt so wonderfully nice.)

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You Can’t Outrun Your Finances

, , , | Friendly | October 10, 2019

(I am shopping in a miniature mall: three stores shared the same entrance. Suddenly, I hear:)

Lady: “Sir! Sir!”

(I look to the woman who is trying to rush after a man while pulling a “trolley” — a “suitcase for groceries” — obviously filled with groceries. The trolley slows her down a lot. A lot of people look up, except for one man, who has a pace quite a bit faster than hers.)

Lady: “Sir! Sir-with-the-brown-jacket-and-blond-hair!”

(This causes the man to stop and look back.)

Lady: *catches breath* “Sir, you lost your wallet!”

Man: “My… my… Oh, thank you!”

Lady: “Here you go, sir.”

Man: “Thank you, thank you! How did you know?”

Lady: “I saw you drop it in front of [Store]. It wouldn’t feel right to just let it go if I knew who it belonged to, right? Now, have a nice day!”

Man: “But… Wait… Don’t you want…?” *opening his wallet*

Lady: “What? Why? It’s your wallet, not mine. Have a nice day!”

(The lady left the storefront and I saw the man looking around a few times, checking his wallet, and then putting the wallet away. Thinking back, seeing that lady trying to rush through the hall with her heavy trolley was a silly sight, but in the end, she did catch up with him!)

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These Are Our Kind Of Humans!

, , , , | Friendly | October 9, 2019

(My church has two high-school youth groups: the large main group and a small “misfits” group with less than eight regular attendees, meant for those who are more socially awkward and don’t connect with the main group. I’m a part of the smaller group. After a meeting, I’m talking with the rest of the group: three other girls. A girl from the main group passes us with her family and we see them coming.)

Me: “Oh, crud, humans! Everyone act normal!”

Girl #1: “Hello, fellow human!”

Girl #2: “Yes, hello! We are also humans!”

Me: “Perfectly normal humans!”

Girl #3: “Nothing to see here! We’re just normal humans like you doing normal human things!”

(The girl and her family smile politely and hurry away, probably questioning our sanity.)

Girl #2: *laughing* “This is why we’re the misfits.”

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Find My iPhone: The People Version

, , , , | Friendly | October 8, 2019

(It’s the last night of the county fair, so it’s very crowded. I’m waiting in line with some other parents for their kids to get off a ride that spins you around as it tilts on an axel. As the ride tilts downward, I see something go flying from the ride towards the trucks and generators nearby, just barely missing a windshield. A woman walks away from the crowd and crouches under a pickup truck parked in the mud. When she stands up I see her holding a new iPhone. The woman carefully makes her way through the crowd to the ride operator.)

Woman: “Someone on the ride lost this.”

(When the ride stops, the operator grabs her microphone.)

Operator: “Attention, riders! I got a new phone over here! Anyone lose a phone?”

(The riders all pointed to a teenage girl in tears, and then moved aside so she could get off first.)

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Barking Mad Neighbors

, , , , , | Friendly | October 8, 2019

(I work from home and live next door to a lovely widower with two large white fluffy dogs. One day, I get a knock at the door.)

Woman: “Excuse me?! You need to shut those d*** dogs up!”

Me: “…”

Woman: “They’ve been barking all morning. They’re barking right now! Can’t you hear them?! Are you going to do anything?!”

(There are no dogs barking.)

Woman: “If you don’t do something, I’m going to kick those d*** dogs into next week! I’ve seen your husband walking them. Yes, they’re gorgeous dogs, but you can’t just let them bark like this.”

(I am a lesbian and live alone.)

Me: “I believe you’re mistaken. I don’t have any dogs.”

Woman: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “And if you’re talking about the dogs I think you are, you must have brilliant hearing, because [Neighbour] takes them to doggy daycare three miles from here.”

Woman: “You’d better not be lying to me! I’ll send my big, black husband around to beat up your man if you are!”

Me: “Right.”

(I shut the door in her face and told my neighbour to be on the lookout just in case she did something silly. I later caught a glimpse of her very white, 5’5” husband.)

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