Glad You Got That Off Your Chest

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 22, 2019

(I’m at a church for a school band concert. This occurs in the bathroom as I’m washing my hands.)

Pre-Teen Girl: “Grandma, there’s a boy in the girl’s bathroom.”

(I’m dressed quite masculine for the event, in an all-black button-down and bow tie, but my face and other key areas are prominently feminine. However, this happens quite often, so I’m not surprised.)

Grandma: *loudly* “THAT’S NOT A BOY! IT HAS TITS!”

(I almost hit my head, I laughed so hard. Finally, someone has figured it out.)

There’s Still A Whole Ocean Of Racism To Get Through

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 22, 2019

(I’m a Mexican tourist in London. I’m in a store, talking to myself in Spanish, when a store clerk hears me.)

Clerk: “Great… another [slur].”

(This particular slur is a derisive term for Mexican immigrants into the USA that assumes that they arrived illegally to the States by swimming across the Grande River.)

Me: “I… What?!”

Clerk: “I used to live in Texas, and we got a lot of you [slur]s there. I didn’t think there were also [slur]s in England. Just because you can swim doesn’t mean we have to take you in!”

Me: “Well… there are, unfortunately, some immigrants who try to get into the US by swimming across the Grande River. But the ‘border’ between Mexico and the UK is the freaking Atlantic Ocean. I can’t even begin to imagine why you’d think I swam across an entire ocean to get here.”

(The clerk just stood there, confused.)

Having A Grand(mother) Old Time

, , , | | Friendly | May 21, 2019

(I’m doing a grocery run with my ten-month-old daughter, and a middle-aged woman takes a peek at her sitting in the stroller. I also have a babyface.)

Middle-Aged Woman: “Oh, what a cutie! And look at those little shoes!”

Me: “Yep, Grandma has good taste!”

(I head to the ice cream aisle to find my husband and the woman catches up to me again.)

Middle-Aged Woman: “Excuse me, did you say the baby is your grandchild?”

Me: “Oh, no, she’s my daughter. Her grandmother that bought her shoes lives near Boston.”

Middle-Aged Woman: *visibly relieved* “Oh! I was thinking you would have to have gotten pregnant at twelve for her to be your grandchild!”

Me: “Well, I’m almost forty, so I’m technically old enough to have grandkids.”

(The woman gave me the biggest deer-in-headlights look and beat a hasty retreat.)

Never Take A Shot At Guessing Pregnancy

, , , , , , | | Friendly | May 21, 2019

(I’m at a bar and I’ve ordered a shot. The bartender sets it on the bar in front of me, but before I can drink it, a woman storms up, grabs it, and dumps it out on the floor.)

Woman: “What the h*** do you think you’re doing? You’re going to be a terrible mother.” *to the bartender* “And you should be fired! This is the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever seen!”

Me: “Um—“

Woman: “No, you listen to me. You can’t drink when you’re pregnant! I should report you to the police; you’re going to—”

Me:Lady. I’m not pregnant; I’m just fat. Jeez.”

(She stared at me for at least a minute, then stammered out an apology and told the bartender to replace my drink on her tab.)

Vaccinations Against Nazis

, , , , , | | Friendly | May 20, 2019

(I am shopping at a department store with my sister and her daughter. My sister bumps into an old friend from school and I stand awkwardly to the side of them while they catch up. The topic turns to my niece and my sister mentions getting her vaccinations last week, so we’re treating her for being brave about it. This causes my sister’s friend to start a long rant about how dangerous vaccinations are, how she would never inject “poison” into her children, and that autism is, and I quote, “worse than Hitler.” My sister, who is a pediatric doctor, just smiles and lets the friend rant herself raw. A couple of seconds after she finishes, my niece pipes up for the first time.)

Niece: “Mummy, is this what stupid looks like?”

(My sister and I burst out laughing while the friend blushed and stormed off, screaming that she hoped my niece “dies of autism.”)

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