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She Zapped This Assignment With Zero Chill

, , , , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: ultimateman55 | December 4, 2022

Last month, my daughter’s middle school English teacher asked her students to write a haiku to review for a vocabulary test. The haiku had to utilize at least one of their vocabulary words. The teacher also gave them another specific instruction remarking that the students were NOT allowed to end their haikus with the word “refrigerator,” which is a popular joke in haiku circles as the word contains five syllables.

So, my daughter came up with this little gem:

Poem: “Refrigerator

I circumvented the rule

Haha microwave”

I eventually stopped laughing long enough to wipe away my prideful tears and give her a hug. (“Circumvent” was one of their vocabulary words.)

Her teacher just laughed and said, in a slightly annoyed tone:

Teacher: “That’s very clever.”

My daughter received full credit on the assignment.

They Sure Haven’t Mastered Doing Their Own Work

, , , , , | Learning | December 3, 2022

I’m a freelance digital illustrator. I mostly work with illustrating children’s books, but I also do logos and T-shirt designs.

Recently, an older acquaintance of mine approached me on Facebook and asked me to design a business logo for them for pay. They wanted me to copy a pre-existing logo they had found on Google and tweak the text and minor things to make it their own.

Me: “I could do that, but I recommend that we deviate from that design as much as possible, or you could run into copyright issues.”

Client: “It’s just for a school project, so I don’t think we need to worry about copyright.”

Me: “Wait, a school project? This isn’t something you’re doing for homework, is it?”

Client: “The overall assignment is to create an art business. The logo is something I want to do to enhance the overall appearance. That’s why I don’t want you to put too much into it. Just something simple.”

I was shocked by this. Naturally, I wasn’t going to do someone’s art homework for pay, so I turned them down. They then mentioned that they were in a “Master Level” class and they would “give me credit” and that they would find “another artist to do it” if I didn’t accept. It didn’t change my mind.

Client: “Okay. It’s too bad because it would have been good PR for you.”

I unfriended them shortly after this.

Final Exams Are Stressful; That’s The Nature Of The Beast

, , , , , , | Learning | November 15, 2022

It’s final exam time. I give an exam on a Thursday. One student doesn’t show up. Well, this happens. The student fails the course because they really needed some points from the final exam to get a passing grade, and that didn’t happen. I continue to grade all the things.

On Sunday night, I get an email from that same student with a question about a zero for a quiz grade from a few weeks before. They don’t say anything about the final exam, so I decide I’m obligated to acknowledge it.

Me: “You got a zero for the quiz because it was a closed-book take-home quiz, and you quoted the textbook and included page numbers. You can’t use a book; that’s cheating, and the consequence is a zero for the assignment. Also, you weren’t at the final exam, and therefore, you got a zero for it.”

Student: “I was very stressed out! I couldn’t come to the final. I will come tomorrow at 6:00 pm to take it.”

Me: “I’m not available tomorrow evening. Without discussing this in advance, I’m afraid no makeup exam is possible.”

The student then emails me, their advisor, and two other administrative people:

Student: “This email is to inform you that I am suing [My Name] because she didn’t grant me accommodations to retake my final exam.”

I don’t know what came of all this, but I did not get sued.

Guess You’ll Just Have To Find Someone Who Actually Works Here

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Tallchick8 | November 14, 2022

When I was at university, I took a Woman’s Studies course. We had a paper to write about gender differences within the toy industry and early childhood development.

My childhood dream of spending three and a half hours in a toy store was way less fun when I realized it as an adult.

For our paper, we had to go to a toy store and make a detailed map of the entire store  — which sections were next to which other sections, etc. Then, we had to go and find two items in each section and rate them on four different criteria. Finally, we had to go and ask a store employee to give advice on what toy we should get for a fictional four-year-old boy/girl.

I went to a now bankrupt big box toy store. I had a clipboard, and I first went around and made a detailed map of the store. Then, I went back and created my itemized list and started categorizing two toys per section in each of the four criteria. As you can imagine, this took quite a while.

Occasionally, as I was doing my task, people would ask me questions. Since I had just made a map, I was able to answer quite a few of their questions.

Me: “The stuffed animals, ma’am? That’s aisle four, right next to the doll houses.”

Me: “You’re looking for a microscope? That would be in educational toys in the far right corner of the store, next to the grow-your-own crystal set.”

One customer asked:

Customer: “Where are the tricycles? And the bicycles?”

I promptly told them the difference between each section. They went to look and came back.

Customer: “Can you get me a different color from the back?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t actually work here. I’m just a student doing a project.”

They rolled their eyes and left in a huff, and I could tell that they thought I was just a lazy employee with a clipboard.

What If You Made Tortillas… And Then Made Them Into A Lasagna?!

, , , | Learning | November 4, 2022

My husband teaches food and cookery. He’s helping a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old decide on his final project.

Student: “I could make fajitas.”

Teacher: “Sounds good. You’ll need to make tortillas; I can show you.”

Student: “Nah, sounds hard. I’ll make quesadillas.”

Teacher: “They also need tortillas.”

Student: “Nachos?”

Teacher: “What are nachos made of?”

Student: “Tort— Ah, I see what you did there, sir!”

Later that session, he’s talking to the same student.

Student: “Sir, what’s mouse-akka?”

Teacher: “Moussaka? You know lasagne?”

Student: “Yeah?”

Teacher: “Take out the pasta and use aubergine, and use lamb mince instead of beef.”

Student: “You could’ve just said Lasagne 2.0, sir!”