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That Escalated… Immediately

, , , , | Friendly | January 12, 2022

I pull into the petrol station which is quite busy. The pump I am aiming to pull up to happens to be near the entrance door. As the pump is currently busy, I pull up behind the car using it but leave room for the people who are walking toward the door to enter the station and pay. They do that little dance you do when you’re not sure if a car is stopping for you, so to clarify, I wave them through.

Two of the people about to cross seem to be together. The first man walks on as I wave him through, but the other man stops to wave me forward. I’m a bit confused because I can’t move forward as there is a car at that pump, something that he’d notice if he turned his head even slightly. I give him another friendly (albeit a bit confused) wave to go ahead and he absolutely loses his mind!

Man #1: “GO, C***!”

He has his chest forward like he intends to come at me. I’m utterly in shock. Part of my brain wants to wind my window down to calmly explain that I can’t move forward, but luckily, my shock keeps me motionless. He eventually walks toward the door, still ranting and raving, and the guy he is with physically turns him around.

Man #2: “Walk back to the car.”

I was still sitting in my car in shock. Another customer, an older man, had been watching the scene unfold as if he was going to jump in if need be. He walked past my car window and gave me a sympathetic and confused look. That made me feel a bit safer about the situation, but I spent the rest of the day wondering how someone could become so angry so quickly about someone giving them the right of way that they’d scream, swear, and physically threaten a mum sitting in her car with her toddler. And it was only 9:00 am. I’d hate to see how the rest of his day played out.

Wood You Believe It?

, , , , , | Friendly | January 10, 2022

I have an overgrown piece of land that I haven’t touched in many many years, partly as I’ve never had a use for it and partly the cost of a skip or hiring a van. A friend offers the use of his dad’s old landscaping tools, so I figure I should at least cut it back, even if I have to figure out how to get rid of it later.

I start with the dead trees, cutting them down and then into smaller logs. I sit them around the front, well out of the way of the path still. Then, I head round back to tackle some of the bushes and thorny vines. It takes a few days. Then, I have another small tree I can now reach to cut up, again into small, movable pieces. I bring them round front and go to stack them with the rest, but they’re missing.

I search around to make sure they haven’t rolled away or some kids haven’t kicked them down the road. But no, gone.

Good job, as I didn’t want them, I suppose. I stack the rest of the wood, slightly closer to the path, to lure my wood thief into unwittingly doing me another favour. Sure enough, a few days later, the wood is gone. I get on with the rest of the weeding and digging.

I get a knock on the door. A middle-aged guy is stood there.

Man: “Got any more wood?”

Me: “Oh, no, sorry.”

Man: “What about them?”

He points to the neighbours’ garden and two ornamental trees.

Me: “No, they belong to the neighbours.”

Man: “That one?”

He points behind himself.

Me: “That would be the council’s tree.”

Man: “Oh, can I borrow your saw?”

Images of several missing telegraph poles going missing flash to mind.

Me: “Sorry, no. Try the DIY store up the road.”

I shut the door but kept a watch. He tried looking through to the back anyway, hoping no doubt for some hidden forest, but then he dejectedly loped off. It was that very day I put up some cameras and hid all my wooden spoons, just in case he returned.

Shortest One-Night Stand Ever

, , , , , , , | Friendly | January 8, 2022

Some friends and I are leaving an end-of-season event for the sports club we represent at University. We’ve just piled into a taxi to take us back to a friend’s house, where we’re staying.

Since this event hosts dozens of University teams, and it’s just ended, there are a lot of almost identical-looking taxis lined up, waiting to collect their passengers.

The six of us are getting situated and we’re about to close the door, when a drunk young woman climbs into the taxi, SITS ON MY LAP, and closes the door behind her.

Friend: “Erm, [My Name], you can’t bring her back to my house!”

Everyone turns to stare at me and this person who I now realise is NOT another of our friends trying to catch a ride and is, in fact, a complete stranger.

The driver, of course, is annoyed that this girl is not seated safely, and my friends are giving me raised eyebrows, evidently thinking she’s a one-night stand in progress.

Me: “No idea who this is!” *To the girl* “Hey… I don’t think this is your taxi. Do you think you could get out? Maybe we can find the one you’re supposed to be in?”

After about ten seconds, it dawned on the girl that she was in a vehicle with people she didn’t know, and she opened the door and hopped out. I got out, too, so I could make sure she at least found someone she DID know, instead of leaving her swaying on the footpath alone.

Thankfully, the taxi behind ours had some confused-looking people waiting beside it who spotted our interloper and called her over. Satisfied she’d been returned to her friends, I got back in, CLOSED THE DOOR FIRST, and then buckled up so that we could finally be on our way.

Flying First Class Doesn’t Guarantee Class

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Mother-Dimension876 | January 6, 2022

We’re heading out for a family vacation, flying first class for the first time. Our group has seven of the eight seats adjacent to the cockpit, with one stranger seated amongst us. And boy, did we find a doozy.

Right from the get-go, [Stranger] makes her presence known. We board with my father-in-law, who is in a wheelchair, to find that, for some reason, this lady boards the plane along with the “passengers that need additional time to board,” but she seems to be moving around just fine. It seems her motivation to do so was to pack her overhead compartment with her multitude of carry-on items. She also needs to use all of my compartment and half of someone else’s, too.

Okay, fine. Whatever. We can deal with it.

Then, the flight gets delayed for being short crew, and [Stranger] immediately starts demanding wine before we even leave the ground. As soon as the stewardess tells her no and walks off, she starts complaining to us.

Stranger: “First class is so s***ty with this airline!”

I’m already thinking, “Can you shut up already?” Then comes the inevitable:

Stranger: “We can just leave without the crew member, right?”

Apparently, she wasn’t paying attention because the missing crew IS THE FREAKING PILOT.

We are released back out to the terminal for a bit to stretch because the delay is so long, and we return to our seats to find my daughter’s seat occupied by [Stranger]’s friend who is flying economy. After we stand around and clear our throats several times to try to get their attention, it is obvious they have no awareness of anyone outside their bubble. After my daughter, my mother-in-law, and I all ask them to clear out, they FINALLY acknowledge that they’re in someone else’s seat.

After all this, we eventually get up in the air. Cue [Stranger] slamming glasses of wine. After the third glass, she’s obviously already drunk, because she then dumps the entire fourth glass of wine on my teenage daughter. SHE DOESN’T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SHE DID IT. No sorry, no “here’s a napkin”. She just immediately starts demanding another drink from the flight attendant.

All the while, she’s keeping her mask down while she is drinking, but the second I take mine off to drink some water, this lady grabs my arm.

Stranger: “Put your mask back on!”

Are you serious? You’ll complain about a mask but you’re totally okay touching strangers? Okay, lady.

At that point, I finally told the stewardess about everything, and they stopped serving her, but she still spent the rest of the trip complaining about how s***ty this airline is and trying to talk to my daughter, who was legitimately worried this moron was going to puke on her. Poor kid.

Not Tow-day, Lady!

, , , , | Friendly | December 29, 2021

I have recently purchased a home and am in the process of repairing it. It’s a steamy hot day, and I am waiting for the HVAC repairman, hoping he can resurrect the air conditioner without breaking the bank.

The front driveway is shaded with a huge pecan tree that provides a lot of shade. There aren’t many trees on the block, so there are frequently cars parked in the shade. I don’t blame them; as long as they aren’t blocking my driveway, I have no concerns with who parks there.

I’m on a ladder on the side of the house and hear a car stop and park. I am hoping it is the HVAC guy, but it’s a sedan with two ladies. The driver parks so that her car completely blocks my driveway. I wave and try to get her attention before she exits her car. She looks directly at me and chooses to ignore me. I begin walking toward her car. I am not even annoyed at this point. She can have some shade; she just can’t block the driveway. I wave again, but she is hurrying to exit her car.

Me: “Can you please move forward about six feet to leave my driveway clear?”

She ignores me. The other lady with her clearly hears me as she turns and looks at me.

Me: *Louder* “Excuse me. You need to move your car out of my driveway.”

She continues down the street with an armload of paperwork, giving me no response whatsoever. I follow the ladies, now getting annoyed with the driver’s obvious decision to ignore me completely.

I see my HVAC guy approaching, so I flag him down.

Me: “I’ll have the driveway open for you in a minute.”

I am gaining on the woman. I see her stop, so I jog the twenty steps to her and again ask her to move her car ahead a bit. She acts as though I am not even there, so I repeat my request, and she repeats her performance. Okay, now I am pissed. I step into her personal space and loudly repeat my request. She looks directly at me.

Woman: “This is a state-funded street and I will park wherever I want.”

Me: “Yes, but you’re impeding my access, and that isn’t within your rights.”

Woman: “I will park wherever I want.”

Me: “Who are you visiting?”

Woman: “I have several friends who are on my roster to visit today.”

I look and the papers are of a religious nature.

Me: “You will move away from my driveway or you can explain your rights to security.”

I head for home. She decides to further state her rights, and I decide to make that call. The HVAC guy has parked closely behind her car to glean a scant bit of shade.

HVAC Guy: “I’m eating my lunch quickly as I was a bit early.”

I offer him a cold drink of water while I make a call to security.

Security: “We’ve had problems with her in the past. I’ll gladly refresh her with the rules again.”

He was there in minutes. I explained that she was welcome to park in the shade, just not to block access to my driveway. I pointed to where she had gone and left to get the repairman started.

We were in the backyard when I heard a shriek. Apparently, the woman felt it was okay to push the security dude! By the time I got to the front yard, the police were arriving. They arrested her at the request of security, and her car was towed!