Didn’t Know That Was In The Cards

, , , , | Friendly | December 12, 2020

My boyfriend and I are having a mock-argument over a card game while cooking dinner. As he isn’t speaking to me, I go back to his room; he lives in student housing. When I turn the corner, I see someone INSIDE his room. Naturally, I run up and yell:

Me: “What do you think you are doing?!”

This makes the guy jump and turn round. He has on the ground a bag from a food delivery service, and he starts to tell me he has my food. I don’t speak German very well and cannot remember how to say, “Get out,” so it becomes a very agitated conversation in a mixture of English and very bad German on my part. I occasionally yell for my boyfriend (who can’t hear me from across the building) while we are talking, which is making the guy nervous.

He seems to think he has the answer and pulls out his phone to show the building on a map. I don’t care why he is there and am making gestures telling him to go. I keep telling him:

Me: “Nicht hier!” *Not here!*

But he is insistent it has to be my food. He isn’t even wearing a mask, which is making me more furious. I then mime for him to call the person who ordered the food, but apparently, he doesn’t get an answer.

Apparently, somehow, he managed to enter the building after not getting an answer, and instead of waiting in the entrance, he decided my boyfriend’s room must be the right one and knocked. When there was no answer, he let himself in, and then I turned up.

After about ten minutes of this, he finally turned around and left and I did a quick assessment to make sure everything valuable we had out was in place. Then, I ran back to the kitchen and told my boyfriend to lock his room as had I found someone in there. Luckily, everything was in place and we went back, confused and shaken as to what the h*** the guy was thinking.

I keep reminding my boyfriend it is a good thing I can beat him at cards as it meant I chased off a potential thief from his room.

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Sometimes Loved Ones Can Talk Real Crap

, , , , , | Romantic | September 17, 2019

(My boyfriend has to have emergency surgery to remove an abscess in his a**. As he recently moved here he doesn’t have a place of his own and is staying with me, which is handy as he does need some help to look after the wound. As he needs to shower after every time he poops and I’m the one who washes his wound, I often wait in the bathroom for him to finish. He has been feeling down with all this, so I start give him a hug while he is on the loo.)

Boyfriend: “Why don’t you find this uncomfortable or disgusting?”

Me: “You’re not pooping out of this end.”

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Card Payments Are Basic Human Rights, Apparently

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2019

(The credit card system breaks down due to a server error. We hang a sign outside apologizing and explaining the situation. A couple walks in.)

Customer: “I’ll pay with a card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not possible right now. The system broke down. Cash only.”

Customer: “But I want to pay with a card. Can’t you just let me do it?”

Me: “As I said, it’s not possible. The system is not running. I’m sorry—“

Customer: “Are you kidding me? You can’t refuse my payment, you idiot! Who’s the customer, you or me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. The system broke down. It’s just not possible. It’s not our fault. The company’s whole system has broken down.”

(The man walks away and joins the woman in the seating area. They are discussing for about ten minutes, constantly pointing at me and shaking their heads. Then I get a call by the company that they fixed the problem; the system is running again. I approach the couple.)

Me: “Excuse me. The problem was fixed. We can accept cards again.”

Customer: “Do you really think we still want to buy anything from YOU? I am a customer and you have to show me at least some basic human respect!”

(However, they stayed in the seating area for about one hour, just talking.)

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Seasonal Screaming

, , , | Right | December 26, 2018

(I live in Switzerland. During the Christmas season, I work at a jewellery store as a sales assistant. An American customer carrying a cup of coffee comes in asking for help. I show him to the appropriate section, when the store security comes up to us.)

Security: *in Swiss German* “Sir, I’m sorry but you can’t have an open container and drink from it in the store.”

(The customer looks at me so I translate to English. Without warning he SCREAMS whilst speed-marching out of the store.)

Customer: “I DON’T F****** CARE! YOU’RE LOSING A SALE!”

(Buddy, I don’t care, either. If you had let me finish, I could have explained that security could’ve held on to your cup. Either way, employees do not decide store policy, and we don’t appreciate being screamed at.)

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