You’ve Been Unmasked As A Customer!

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: czmAvery | May 2, 2021

My boyfriend and I have just placed an order at a coffee and waffle place. As we are heading outside to wait for our order, we run into another pair of customers. We kind of stare at each other for a moment, and then the woman points at the man with her.

Woman: “Hey, his mask just broke. Do you guys have a spare?”

I blink for a moment, a bit confused, because who carries around spare masks if they have their own cloth one? But I actually do have a spare because I traveled on a plane and bought a pack of masks to use. I only needed one but ended up getting five.

Me: “Yeah, actually. I should have one in the car.”

The woman’s eyes widen.

Woman: “I’m so sorry. I thought you worked here!”

I laughed and told her it was no problem.

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Doesn’t She Know The Code Is More Guidelines Than Actual Rules?

, , , | Right | CREDIT: qatqaos | May 1, 2021

I was a bookseller for almost a decade but left for a high-paying Monday-to-Friday, nine-to-five job. I loved my job. After I left, I still frequented the bookstores in the chain a lot, browsing shelves, checking out new titles, and catching up with old coworkers.

I’m in my old store. It’s in an area that has access to a number of posh neighborhoods. It’s been maybe three or four years since I left. The staff has gone through its sixth turnover, and only a small handful of employees that I worked with are still there. I’m in jeans and my university sweatshirt and I have my purse over my shoulder and my cell phone out with earbuds in, listening to metal music. I’m clearly a customer. There is no uniform here, just casual clothes with a lanyard that holds a name tag.

I’m perusing the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section and one of the employees, one that I don’t know, comes up to ask if I need any help. I say that I do, that I used to work there, and that I am looking for a couple more books. I tell him what type of books I like, and he recommends a few good titles. We end up chatting more about the genre in general, about the classic authors, etc. I thank him and he goes on his way, and I’m two books richer.

I move on to the Mystery section, putting my earbuds back in, and I pick up an empty basket to put my books in, when I feel it. The finger. That hard few pokes executed by a boney digit tipped with a long acrylic nail. Then the words.

Customer: “Excuuuuse me!”

I take out an earbud.

Me: “What?”

Customer: “That’s not how you greet a customer! So rude!”

Me: “Look who’s talking.”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “What do you want? And I don’t work here, by the way.”

Customer: “You do, I heard you chatting with that other employee over there. I need this book.”

She presents her iPhone that indeed has a picture of a book.

Me: “I don’t work here, lady. Back the h*** up.”

Customer: “What did you say to me?! How dare you?! You’re required to help me! I’m a paying customer!”

Me: “I’m not required to do anything!”

I turn my back on her and move farther down the aisle, hoping she’ll take the hint. NOPE! Instead, she grabs the back of my hoodie and yanks me back.

Me: “What the f*** is your problem, lady?! I don’t work here! I’m in jeans and a sweatshirt! I have my purse! I was listening to music, for f***’s sake!”

Customer: “I know you work here. I’ve seen you here before working!”

Me: “I used to work here, years ago, but I don’t anymore, so back up!”

Customer: “You’re still obligated to help me! It’s part of your code!”

Me: *Pauses* “Say what?”

Customer: “Your code! You have to help me, or I’ll speak to your manager and get you banned and fined!”

I’m staring now at this lunatic and then at her husband with an “Is she serious?” look. He can’t even look at me.

Me: “Fine, do it. I’ll get a manager. Let’s see who gets in trouble.”

I flag down an employee and ask for a manager. When they ask why, I tell them we just need a manager. The employee shrugs, gets on their portable store phone, and calls for a manager, who comes over. This manager was here when I worked here and is known for not taking any crap.

Manager: “Hi, what seems to be the problem?”

The woman, of course, starts her spewing, yammering on about how I insulted her, called her names, and refused to assist her. She plays no tears, just rage.

Manager: “Ma’am, please, there is no need for that kind of language or that level of volume.” *Turns to me* “Miss, can you tell me what happened?”

I give him my version, trying to hide my smirk. The manager is staring at the woman now like she’s an idiot.

Manager: “Ma’am, she doesn’t work here. I can help you find your book, but you can’t go around harassing people, be they employee or customer, even if they used to work here.”

The woman says some other foul things.

Manager: “Ma’am, you have three choices. One, pipe down and I’ll help you out. Two, keep going and I’ll have you removed and banned. Or three, just leave. Your choice.”

The woman and the manager had a staring match that lasted a good fifteen seconds. Then, the woman left with a scowl, and the manager and I shared a small high-five.

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Reaching New Tea Totals

, , , , | Right | April 24, 2021

I walk into my favorite tea shop in the early afternoon and am greeted by the owner.

Owner: “Well! Glad to see you… You’re our seventh customer today!”

They’ve been open since nine am.

Me: “Well, you’d better get your restroom breaks while you can. You know what happens when I come in.”  

We’ve been joking about how every time I come in, they immediately get slammed. The owner’s husband replies as he goes into the restroom.

Owner’s Husband: “You snooze, you lose.”

I get a cup of the tea they’re sampling and then go about picking out my teas to refill my stash as we chat.

Just as the last of the shop’s staff goes into the restroom and the owner’s husband is weighing and bagging my tea, the door opens and two groups come in — about seven people.

The owner helps one group and her employee helps another. Several more groups come in.

By the time I’ve been there for twenty minutes, the shop is packed. People keep coming up and asking me about various black teas.

Customer: “Thanks! I will get all these. Can you ring me up?”

Me: “Just take it over to the register.”

Customer: “But we want you to get the credit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have a register login because I don’t actually work here.”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry!”

Me: “If it bothered me, I would have made an excuse and escaped!”

I was doing that for over an hour. When everyone finally cleared out, they had made more than $1,500 in that hour! They’d been under $100 when I walked in.

They gave me my tea for free; they said I’d earned it.

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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I Don’t Work Here: Toilet Paper Edition

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2021

This happens when everyone is going nuts for toilet paper. Everywhere in the mall is sold out. I work at a pet store where our vests are black with our logo on the front. I go into the dollar store to grab some items for the store. A lady grabs my arm.

Me: “Excuse me! Please let me go!”

Customer: “I need to find the toilet paper!”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. You’re wearing the uniform.”

I’m clearly not. The uniform here is a green apron or vest. I’m clearly wearing a black vest — nothing similar at all.

Me: “This is my uniform for [Pet Store]. See?”

I show her the logo.

Customer: “No, I need help! You’re going to help me!”

She still has a hold of my arm and is trying to pull me with her.

Me: “Let me go or I will call security!”

Her grip gets stronger. The customer sees another employee that actually works there.

Customer: “This worker won’t help me!”

Employee: “That’s because she doesn’t work here. You okay, [My Name]? Do you need me to call a security guard?”

The lady’s grip loosens, and I get out.

Me: “I’m good.”

I turn to the lady.

Me: “Touch me again and I will break your arm.”

Customer: *To the employee* “You’re just going to let her say that to me? I want her fired!”

Employee: “Nope. I like her too much. Now get out of the store. You’re harassing my customers.”

Customer: “But…”

Employee: “Out.”

She finally left and I joked around with the employee and got my supplies. The customer later came into my pet store. She saw me and instantly turned around and left.

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It’s A Gamble If She Makes Her Way To Your Restaurant

, , , , , , | Right | March 24, 2021

I’m an employee in a casino’s food and beverage department. One morning, I go to the in-house fast food chain for a coffee on my break. The cashier takes my order but needs to run to the back for a moment and leaves the counter alone. An old woman walks up in a huff.

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you working right now? Don’t you work here?!”

Me: “I don’t work for [Fast Food Restaurant]; I’m also a customer here right now.”

Customer: “NO! DO. YOU. WORK. HERE?!”

Me: “In the casino or [Fast Food Restaurant]? I work in the casino’s restaurant. They just lease the space; we don’t share staff.”

Customer: *Rolling her eyes* “Well. No one is taking my order!”

Not a second later, the cashier returns in full [Fast Food Restaurant] uniform and cheerfully apologizes for the wait. She hands me my coffee and quickly begins taking the old woman’s order when she’s immediately cut off.

Customer: “Hold on! I don’t know what I want! Do you have [Famous Item from another fast food chain]?”

I shot the cashier a sympathetic glance and returned to my work area as fast as I could.

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