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What Happens When You’re A Jerk In A Small Town

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2022

I was about fifteen and went to a popular chain clothing store — the only one in our small town — after school one day with my mom. This particular store’s uniform was famous for being a red polo shirt and khakis. Unfortunately for me, this was also my school’s uniform. However, we had the distinction of having our school logo and motto emblazoned on the back. While we were shopping, a woman approached us.

Woman: “Excuse me? Where do I find batteries?”

Mom: “Oh, we just passed that. I think aisle four?”

Woman: *Angrily* “I was talking to the employee.”

We both looked around, confused. Finally, I realized she meant me and I laughed.

Me: “No, no, sorry, I don’t work here. But we did just see it; I’m sure it was aisle four.”

Woman: *Even angrier* “Don’t lie! That’s very rude! You clearly work here!”

Mom: “Ma’am, this is my daughter and she is in her school uniform. She does not work here.”

I turned so the lady could see the back of my shirt when my mom said this. It should have been clear at this point that I was not an employee, but the lady wasn’t having any of our “trickery.”


Mom: “SHE DOESNT WORK HERE! We just came from school. It’s on the back of her shirt!”

Woman: “They let them wear whatever they want around here! I’m not falling for this! I’ll have you fired for this!”

Mom: “Listen here, you STUPID—”

I cut her off and politely told the woman I’d be happy to help her. I had noticed we were in an aisle that had one of those phones at the end where you could ring for an employee to come to your location, so I picked it up and asked for a manager to come to our aisle. He arrived in less than a minute, with that woman staring daggers at my smiling face the whole time.

Manager: “Hi, how can I help you ladies today?”

The woman started screaming about what happened and how she wanted me fired.

Manager: *To me* “You go to [Local High School]?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Manager: *Sigh* “Every f****** week…”

I burst out laughing and watched as that lady’s face went shock white as she realized (finally!) that I didn’t work there. Mom and I left the aisle and thought that would be the end of it. But it is a small town, so of course, it wasn’t.

I went back to the store three years later to get my first job and the manager remembered me. Apparently, he’d been telling my story for years to new employees as a way to encourage what he called “smart versus good customer service.” He placed me behind the customer service desk, and I had been there about a month when that same lady came up to the desk to be serviced. I could see her staring at me as she waited in line and trying to place me. I watched the color leave her face and the light die in her eyes as she figured it out. When it came to be her turn for service, she let the man behind her go ahead so she could be helped by my coworker. I had to stifle my laughter.

Defending This Guy Is A Tall Order

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ew1959 | November 28, 2022

I’m a professional, dressed in a suit and tie. As I’m a bit over six feet tall, I’m often asked to get things off the upper shelves for shorter shoppers when I’m shopping. If asked nicely — 99.9% do ask nicely — I’m glad to help. That .1%, though…

I have just gotten off work, and I need to buy groceries for the week. A grandmotherly-looking lady who’s maybe 4’10” asks me if I’d please get something she couldn’t reach. She is very sweet, and once I’ve gotten her item, she thanks me and goes on her way.

At that point, a man who’s maybe 5’2″ yells at me from halfway down the aisle.

Man: *Rudely* “Come get this [item] for me!”

He makes it sound like an order — no please or anything. I ignore him. This pisses him off, so he gets louder and begins cursing very loudly. I walk past him, just doing my shopping and ignoring his outburst.

Man: “Hey, dumbs***, I’m talking to you!”

I stop.

Me: “You need to lower your voice.”

Man: *Even louder* “You helped her; now f****** help me!”

Me: “She was nice and polite. You’re a jerk, so no.”

Man: *Now screaming* “I WANT YOUR MANAGER!”

I break up laughing.

Me: “When did this store’s employees start wearing suits?”

People are watching at this point. I start to walk away, but this jerk grabs my arm and tries to pull me around.

Sadly, I have a severe case of PTSD from a situation when I was a teen. I spin around and punch him his the face; I don’t mean to, but it’s a reflex to being bullied. He goes down, bleeding from his now broken nose.

People start rushing over. I’m beside myself, saying I’m sorry. The man gets up screaming about having me arrested.

I guess someone called the cops or they were already in the store as they appear in what seems like seconds.

Man: “This guy just walked up and punched me!”

A couple dozen witnesses tell the officers what really happened. One officer goes to watch the security video and comes back.

Officer: *To me* “Would you like to press charges for assault?”

Then, the guy freaked out and took a swing at a police officer. He was arrested for assault, assault against a law enforcement officer, and public vulgarity. I didn’t even know there was a law about that last one.

I found out at the trial that this was his fourth time being arrested for similar offenses and that he’d been banned from four other stores in the area. As a repeat offender, he received six years in state prison and to $10,000 fine.

There And Back Again: An I Don’t Work Here Tale

, , , , , , , , , , | Healthy | CREDIT: omgdoogface | November 26, 2022

About five years ago, my girlfriend was in the ICU of one of the largest hospitals in Sydney, Australia. It was a stressful time for me, but she’s all good now.

I was walking back from one of the hospital’s cafes to see my girlfriend when I was stopped in the corridor by a lady in her sixties.

Lady: *Politely* “Can you take me to the cardio ward?”

Me: “I don’t work here, but reception is that way, and I’m sure they can help you.”

Her Ladyship did not like this response.

Lady: “Don’t f*** around! I know you work here; take me there!”

Her sudden change in demeanour stunned me.

Lady: “Come along; I don’t have all day!”

I was wearing a full suit and tie combo as I had an unavoidable meeting later that day. Now, I like a navy suit as much as the next suave bloke, but the doctors in this hospital, when not in scrubs, mostly wore slacks and collared shirts.

Given the missus was a bit under the weather, I was sleep deprived, anxious, and had no patience for Her Ladyship being a jerk.

Me: “Okay, follow me.”

We started down the corridor, through some doors, and up a flight of stairs, her pacing grumpily behind me. I could see a sign ahead indicating that the cardio ward was to the right. So, unfortunately for Her Ladyship, left we went.

We went up lifts, down lifts, up stairs, and down again. A full ten minutes into our Royal Prince Alfred Hospital Tour, it must have occurred to her that I had no idea where I was going. A porter with a gurney stepped out of a side door and she immediately accosted him.

Lady: “Your staff member here is wasting my time!”

It was almost comedic the way he looked down at her, up at me, down at her, and then up at me. 

Porter: “Did you tell this lady you work here?”

Me: *Smiling* “No, mate, literally the opposite.”

The porter frowned.

Porter: “Where ya headed, luv?”

By now, she was quite exasperated.

Lady: “What is wrong with you people?! He should have taken me to the cardio ward. And don’t ‘luv’ me!”

The porter, trying to hide his smile, told her to follow him, and off they went. I overheard her grumble something about “staff complaint” as they left. Gosh only knows what my write-up would have said about me.

I hurried back to the ICU ward, happily armed with a humorous story to cheer up my girlfriend.

You Have Blue On De Ting, So You Must Work Here!

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: LeBlueSpud | November 18, 2022

My fiancé and I are huuuuge gamers, and we moved to a city that had an [Electronics Chain] pretty close. My fiancé and I visited quite a bit. That day, I was wearing a plaid shirt, some blue jeans, sneakers, and the star of the show… my favorite blue beanie!

At this chain, the uniforms are blue polos with store logos and black slacks.

I was looking through the games while my fiancé was a few aisles over looking at the records. All of a sudden, a wild manchild appeared!

I was trying to decide which RPG I wanted to buy to put on my shelf and MAYBE play in the next year. I was literally sitting on the floor; I’m tall so it hurts to lean over to see the bottom shelves)

I heard someone behind me and didn’t really think much of it as the store was decently packed.

Man: “Hey, I need to get a laptop out of the lockup. I’ve been waiting by them and no one has helped me yet.”

I was still on the floor with my head in the game racks, sifting through poorly organized games. I didn’t even notice that he was talking to me, as an employee had JUST asked me if I needed help about two minutes before. I figured he was talking to the same employee.

Man: “Hellloooo? Are you going to help me or just waste my time?”

I realized that something was going on, so I glanced behind me, thinking an employee was being rude. Meanwhile, this guy was MAYBE two feet right behind me, so when I turned around to look, I just had some random dude’s crotch in my face. I looked up to see why he was so close.

He was wearing a baseball cap, brown work pants, a white shirt, and a blue jacket, and he had a look of pretentiousness on his face, kind of like his time was worth more than a peasant’s life.

Man: “Finally, you get your head out of your a**! Now hurry up! My wife is still waiting and I need a laptop for my son.”

I finally stood up, not only because of the view I was forced to see, but because my fight or flight kicked in for a moment. As soon as I stood up, I backed away a good six feet or so and just looked at him, trying to figure out how to respond.

Man: “What, are you going to run away because I asked for help? Why did they hire an idiot like you?!”

I responded under my breath, slightly staggering my words.

Me: “But I don’t work here…”

Man: “What was that? C’mon, be a big boy and speak up!”

Me: *A bit louder but still quiet* “I don’t work here; I’m just looking at games.”

This whole time, I was just in a mental whirlwind as to why this was happening. I was not in a uniform, nor was I organizing anything. I was just flipping through games. At the same time, my anxiety was telling me to run to my fiancé and hide.

Man: “You don’t work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Man: “Why are you wearing a blue beanie, then?! F*** you! You wasted so much of my f****** time!”

He stormed off to find an actual employee, and I just sat there trying to figure out why a blue beanie of all things made him think I worked there. After being confused for a bit, I basically ran to find my fiancé.

After finding him, I told him all that happened, and I could see both confusion and anger slowly come over his face, followed by a very pissed, “F*** no!” Then, he stormed off while I started to realize what or who he was going toward.

I was still incredibly highly anxious over it, so I tried to talk him down as he walked toward the man. He had asked what the guy looked like, and stupid me didn’t know why until it was too late.

My fiancé is the sweetest man ever, but when it comes to me, he is very protective. He is a very tall Nordic man with a full beard and can be pretty intimidating when angry.

He walked up to the man, who was now with an actual employee getting his laptop out of the cases. Meanwhile, I hide in an aisle while still keeping an eye on him.

Fiancé: *To the man* “Hey! I have been waiting forever, and you are just sitting here talking to your friend?!”

The poor employee looked beyond confused as to what was happening but just kept out of it.

Man: “What the f*** are you talking about?! Who even are you?”

Fiancé: “A customer! So, are you going to help me, or are you just going to sit there with your thumb up your a**?”

Man: “Dude, are you stupid? I don’t work here, so f*** off!”

Fiancé: “Then why are you wearing a blue jacket?!”

The man went from pissed to confused really quickly.

Man: “Why would my jacket mean I work here?”

Fiancé: “I don’t know. You thought a beanie meant my fiancé did! Sounds pretty stupid coming from someone else, huh, you f****** idiot?”

At this point, the man saw me in the aisle over, watching. His face just went pale as snow.

Fiancé: “Learn some respect, and while you’re at it, try to find those brain cells you lost on the way!”

My fiancé walked away, and I immediately ran behind him. We got out of the store before the employee called security on us for his yelling. I didn’t hear anything behind me, but I also didn’t dare to look back.

Being very anxious about confrontations, I was pretty upset with my fiancé at first, but when I calmed down, I realized that it was him standing up for me and that it was pretty d*** funny, actually. We avoided that store for a good month and just went to one a bit further away after.

Return Of De Ting
Needs More Blue On De Ting
Maybe He Is Looking For De Ting, And De Ting Is Blue?
The Slushie Is Blue And Blue On De Ting

Off The Clock And About To Go Off Their Rocker

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Ramrodron | November 16, 2022

I’m a flight attendant for a major airline. Several years ago, I lived in Miami Beach in an oceanfront apartment building. Several floors of the building were operated as a hotel, but it was mostly residences. The parking garage was underneath the building.

I had just worked a long international trip and was exhausted. I got home, parked my car, and got in the elevator. It stopped on the lobby level, and a couple who had just checked in to the hotel entered. The husband saw my uniform and started loudly griping about their flight to Miami.

Man: “We were stuck in Houston for five hours and they didn’t give us a hotel room!”

I take a lot of abuse from people who need to vent, and it mostly just rolls off my back, but that is when I’m on the clock at work. I couldn’t believe I was getting b****ed out IN MY OWN HOME about some airline thing. I was tired and over it after a ten-hour flight and I let him have it.

Me: “You had a stopover in Houston, so I’m guessing you must have flown on [Airline], right?” 

Man: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I don’t work for [Airline], and even if I did, I still wouldn’t give a s***. This is where I live. How dare you get in my face — in my own home — to gripe about your minor inconvenience?”

I don’t remember everything I said, but by the time we reached my floor, the man was backed up against the wall. I do remember shouting, “Buh-bye!” as I stomped out of the elevator. I used to be a people person, but people ruined it.