Make No Space For Me, I’ll Make None For You

, , , , , | Friendly | March 12, 2019

I’m driving, with my husband in the passenger seat. We pull into the local grocery store parking lot that is always crowded. Every space is taken in the first aisle we drive down. As we pull around to go down the next aisle, we find the path blocked by an SUV. There is no traffic coming either way and at first, we don’t know why it’s just sitting there, until I notice the passenger side door is open and a foot is hanging out. Considering that we’re right in front of the store, I naturally assume that the passenger is being dropped off so that the driver can find a spot to park without the passenger — probably elderly because we live in a county with a large retirement community — having to walk too far.

At first, we sit there and wait, but the passenger never steps out, never even opens his door all the way. Eventually, I check to make sure there is no oncoming traffic and start going around the SUV. Next thing I know, it starts honking and, as far as I can see, there’s no reason for it, since they’re blocking and we’re just trying to get down the aisle. And then I have to put on the brakes because a car has started to back out of a space that’s right in the front. I think nothing of it; I don’t even consider taking the spot since we don’t need one that close to the entrance, but that was before I noticed the SUV pulling in uncomfortably close to my car and I finally put two-and-two together.

Blocking the roadway, the passenger taking his time to get out, or at the very least the honking was all because they thought we were trying to take the spot, when we couldn’t even see the car that was getting ready to leave. So, of course, I take the spot. A d**k move on my part, I’m sure, but if you’re going to be that rude and inconsiderate to other drivers, you’ll get the same in return.

Lettuce Never Forget This Moment

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 12, 2019

I’m standing at the till in the bookshop where I work. There are a few customers walking around, but no one seems to need my help. To my right, between the till and the door, are several displays with cards; we call it the jungle.

I’m pricing books when an unexpected sound comes from the jungle. I turn my head to witness a woman with a head of iceberg lettuce in her hand, browsing the cards. As I watch, this deer in disguise tears off a good chunk of lettuce and eats it, chewing matter-of-factly, causing the sound I wasn’t expecting to hear in the bookshop. I slowly turn back to my pricing, too surprised to even ask if she wants help.

I am convinced that she was a hardcore vegan, and that was her version of a snack.

Not Free From Child Free

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 11, 2019

(I am a freshman at a university in Utah. My university’s library has three floors. Even though it is a college library, students who are parents still bring their kids along with them. A lot of the time, these parents can’t control their kids or just don’t care to. Normally, though, the top floor is supposed to be kid-free, so I go there. It’s midterms, and I am trying my best to finish a six-page paper, when suddenly a mother brings in three of her kids, sits down, and starts working. After around ten minutes her kids start running around, making fart noises, and screaming. I try my best to focus and ignore them; I even get up and move to the opposite side of the library. The kids continue to run around, wreaking complete havoc, for thirty minutes. When I’m finally done, I walk over to the mother at the table where she’s just typing away at her laptop with her headphones in. I tap on her shoulder.)

Me: “Miss, are these your kids?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “You realize the third floor is supposed to be kid-free, right?”

Woman: “Yeah.”

Me: “And?”

Woman: “I don’t care. The only spot I could find downstairs didn’t have a place for me to charge my laptop.”

(I manage to glance at her battery, and she’s full.)

Me: “Well, I know you have headphones in so you can’t tell, but your kids have been running around creating a lot of noise and just being distracting.”

Woman: “Well, I didn’t manage to get a sitter.”

Me: “So, you just thought, ‘Let’s bring them to a university library and distract everyone else during one of the most stressful times of the semester.’?”

Woman: “I have to study.”

Me: “Yeah. And the twenty other people up here also have to. I get that being a parent and going to school is rough, but this floor is supposed to be child-free. I’m sorry you want to keep your laptop plugged in even when it’s fully charged, but please be courteous and think about those of us who came here to get away from children.”

Woman: *now looking pissed off* “You have no idea what I am going through!”

Me: “I have three nieces that live with me at home that produce a lot of noise. I come here to get away from that and focus. I would never be so selfish as to bring them here. Please, be courteous and go to one of the other two floors.”

Woman: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. You’re not in charge.”

Me: “Fine. I’ll go talk to one of the librarians who will tell you to leave.”

Woman: “Fine.”

(She left, but before she did, she screamed out, “F*** you, bitch!” I just laughed and said, “What a great example you are for your kids.”)

Monthly Roundup: February 2019

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | March 11, 2019

It’s time for the February roundup! Our editors have decided among themselves which stories in February deserve the extra attention, regardless of the number of thumbs-ups they received. Out of the 802 stories we posted in the month, we’ve singled out nine.

If there are any stories from the last month you feel we should have included, please let us know in the comments!

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite stories in the poll below! Note: You can choose up to three*. The winner of the previous roundup poll was She Has To Live Somewhere Else, But At Least She Will Be Living from the Healthy and Related categories!

They Are First-Class Jerks – Entitlement at 30,000ft!

A Shout Out To All The Non-Employees – A story to make you smile.

Directions Needed To Get To Modern Times – The man of times old was truly directionless.

Taking Inventory: I’m Afraid I Can’t Let You Do That, Dave – Budget some time for this story – it’s worth it.

A Breakdown Evens Out A Breakup – This story smells.

Hard Not To Smile – There is a whole spectrum of understanding in the world.

Hopefully, You Won’t Pay(Roll) For That – A truly satisfying F-bomb.

So Many Optometrists But They Can’t See What’s Happening – They’re blind to how they’re shooting themselves in the foot.

A Little Calling Out Is Good For Your Mental Health –  Scream if you want to make a point about screaming!

Please choose your favorite story of the month!

View Results

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*Not Always Hopeless stories are not included in the poll. This is because often they are so lovely they win by default. 

We’ve decided to separate our favorite ‘Hopeless’ story of the month from the section above, since it’s not part of the poll:

God Gave Rock And Roll To You – The title says it all!

Winning That Race

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 11, 2019

(Some coworkers and I are having our break in a lunchroom. It’s quiet in the lunchroom with some music softly playing. We’ve had a stressful, hectic morning, so we’re fine just eating our food and relaxing. Two women and a six- or seven-year-old boy come in and sit down at a table on the other end of the lunchroom. Within a minute, the boy gets up and starts running up and down the lunchroom with his arms spread, making noises like he’s a jet fighter. With every turn he makes he increases his volume to the point where he is screaming. The two women don’t notice this because they are completely absorbed in their phones. My Indian coworker grabs the boy by the arm as he passes our table again screaming at the top of his voice. In a quiet voice, my coworker tells the boy to sit down and shut up or he’ll take him to the toilets and flush him. The boy starts crying and one of the women comes storming at our table. When she’s near enough to hear him, my Indian coworker says:)

Coworker: “And that, my boy, is the reason why it is not nice to call people like me a brown ape.”

(The woman’s face turns red, she pulls the boy away from my coworker, and she leaves the place with her friend in a hurry. My coworker smiles and just says:)

Coworker: “Ah, peace. The most precious thing in our society.”

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