Well, What Else Did You Expect From Pirates?

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 29, 2020

(I’m playing an online pirate game with three friends; only four people can fit in a crew. One of my friends finds a girl on an empty ship and is about to leave the game for the night. This is good news. Room for all of us and a fully-stocked ship? H*** yeah! She invites three of my crew to her ship but refuses to invite the fourth, me. I am also a girl.)

Me: “Send me an invite? I can’t join until you invite me.”

Girl: “My friend is actually going to play.”

Me: “Uh…”

Crewmate: “She’s part of our crew. Can’t your friend play with someone else?”

Girl: “No, I want my friend to play on this ship.”

Crewmate: “Why does it matter? We’ll be strangers to her anyway. It would be no different than any other crew she will join. Let our crewmate join, please.”

Girl: “No. I’m the captain and what I say goes.”

(While the game has natural leaders that shine through during the game, nobody has more authority than another. Everyone is on an equal level.) 

Crewmate: “Wow. That’s pretty rude.”

Girl: “I don’t care. This is my ship and I get to decide who plays.”

(At this point, we all could leave and find our own ship, but we don’t feel like being friendly anymore.)

Crewmates: “MUTINY! B****! LOCK HER IN THE BRIG!”

Girl: “Don’t you dare! I invited you to this ship. It’s mine!”

Crewmate: “It’s three against one; this is our ship now.”

(They lock her in the brig.)

Girl: “You motherf*****s! I’m going to make sure I’m on as long as possible so your fourth can’t get on!”

(She presumably put a rubber band on her controller as her character spun in circles for ten minutes and then got kicked from the game for inactivity. Never saw her again.)

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Mansplaining Over Tea

, , , , , | Friendly | January 28, 2020

I’m female. I’m selling a tea set on a post-n-sell website. Since it’s a fairly common pattern and some people might want replacement parts, I list each piece individually (i.e. the teapot by itself, the tea cups as a set, etc.), before taking group shots to sell as one big set. Either way, I make money.

Just as I finish, I see a message notification. I’m excited that someone wants one of my listings so quickly. I click on it and see it’s from a guy, posted about five minutes ago. He writes, “Top tip for you: sell it as a set.” As I’m processing this, another message pops up from him: “Glad to see you took my advice.”

Nice to know Internet Guy doesn’t give in to his masculine insecurities so he can mansplain how to sell a tea set online.

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She’s Taking You For A Ride

, , , , | Friendly | January 27, 2020

(My friend loves horses and has been looking online to buy one. She is watching a video of a horse that she was thinking about getting.)

Friend: “That’s such a pretty horse! I love him! Like I have a crush on him.”

Me: “Uh…”

Friend: “You know, like a platonic crush. I love him and I want to ride him!”

Me: *starts laughing uncontrollably*

Friend: “You know what I mean. He’s just so pretty!”

(A minute later she starts looking though pictures of another horse.)

Friend: “Look at this horse. He’s so pretty; I love him!”

Me: ”Wow! Two boys in two minutes. You’re a bit of a player.”

Friend: “Wait, look at this horse! She’s beautiful; I want to ride her, too!”

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Sadly, A World Free Of Bigotry Is Just Fan Fiction

, , , | Friendly | January 26, 2020

(I’ve been chatting to someone on a fanfiction site.)

Woman: “This pairing is disgusting. I can’t believe people write that.”

Me: “I absolutely agree. It’s incest and also abusive.”

Woman: “Well, that, too.”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘That, too.’?”

Woman: “They’re men! Sick homo f***s!”

Me: “I’m not sick.”

Woman: “I didn’t say that.”

Me: “Yes, you did.”

Woman: “You’re a homo?”

Me: “I’m bi. And trans.”

Woman: “F*** you, girl.”

Me: “I’m a guy. And I’m no longer talking to a transphobic and homophobic person. Bye.” *block*

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Pretty High And Mighty For Someone Who Works In A Dungeon

, , , , , | Friendly | January 25, 2020

(I’m a huge tabletop RPG gamer; I play D&D and everything like it. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of folks around that like to play; fortunately, I DO have a lot of online communities I’m part of. I end up joining a friend-of-a-friend’s campaign, and we’re discussing character creation in PMs.)

Me: “Since nobody made a party face yet, I’m going to make a Tiefling warlock.”

Dungeon Master: “No.”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

Dungeon Master: “I don’t allow evil characters in my campaigns.

Me: “Good thing he’s not evil.”

Dungeon Master: “He’s a devil, who gets his powers from devils; of course, he’s evil. You’re not allowed to play a ‘good’ character that still does evil nonsense all the time.”

Me: “Can I at least explain the character to you?”

Dungeon Master: “I don’t want to hear about your edge-lord nonsense. You’re just going to try to justify your trash.”

Me: “He’s a serene, downright zen individual, who actually has a very soft laugh and a warm smile. He takes after his father, a human male, who was seduced by his Tiefling mother. Bounded by a pact at birth, he has no choice but to have these powers. He later swore a solemn oath to several good gods to never strike harm against an innocent or take a life of one who could be spared. He ended up touched by the Undying Light, replacing what would have been a fiend-pact, allowing him to bring healing and peace rather than fire and death.”

Dungeon Master: “Okay, that’s actually all right, but he’s going to be under intense scrutiny all the time.”

Me: “No, he’s not. I mean, I would have expected that, but I refuse to play with someone who in the first few sentences has already dubbed someone ‘trash.’”

(And with that, the Dungeon Master blocked me. I left well enough alone, just told my friend who introduced me that “it didn’t work out.” I heard about a month later that the DM kicked everyone out of the game and blocked everyone; I think I dodged a bullet there.)

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