Workers Like These Don’t Grow On Trees

, , , | Friendly | June 13, 2017

(I’m at the garden centre when I hear my name called.)

Cashier: “[My Name]! Can you help this lady? She wants to know about fruit trees.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(The lady comes over to me and we discuss fruit trees, pollination groups, and rootstocks for a while. It’s quite a technical area of gardening that people often need assistance with. We decide between us what would be the best fruit tree for her.)

Me: “…so, it seems that the best tree for your garden would be a self-fertile Cox on an M26 rootstock.”

Customer: “Okay, do you have any in stock?”

(I shake my head theatrically. I was looking forward to this bit.)

Me: “Haven’t a clue.”

Customer: “Uh… what?”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Then… um… why…”

Me: “I’m a professional horticulturist and [Cashier] is a good friend of mine. He had a long queue of customers and knew I’d be willing to chat to you about my favourite subject for a while. Also, I have a working relationship with this garden centre: I answer the more technical enquiries for them, and they advertise my business for me. It’s win-win.”

Customer: *still looking very baffled and embarrassed* “Oh… well, that’s… good. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “No problem! I’m not in a rush, so would you like me to help you choose a good apple tree?”

(She said yes, so we went and found her a nice quality tree, and happily, they had exactly the one I had recommended in stock. I have to admit, though, I love confusing the garden centre’s customers like that, and Cashier finds it funny as well!)

Puns With Friends  

, , , | Friendly | June 12, 2017

(Playing ‘Words with Friends’ online, my friend frequently places tiles until they make a word, with no idea what the word actually means.)

Friend: *plays ‘PARGE’* “No, I don’t know what it means.”

Me: “It’s the ridge in a pear tree.”

Friend: “Really? There ya go. I learn something everyday!”

Me: “The parge ridge in a pear tree is only visible on the first day of Christmas, though.”

Friend: “Why am I questioning your reasoning now?”

You’ll Get No Sympathy (Cards) From Me

, , | Friendly | June 12, 2017

(Due to an invisible, chronic pain illness, my mind isn’t as sharp as it used to be. This means things sometimes fall out of my mouth without meaning to, especially if I can’t think of the right word. I’m in a card shop with my friend after the morning school run.)

Me: “Oh, I just remembered, I need to get a card.”

Friend: “What kind?”

Me: “Um… oh d*** it, I had it. It’s not a birthday one…”

Friend: “Anniversary?”

Me: “Ooh, that’s it. A ‘sorry you’re dead’ card.”

Friend: *bursts into laughter* “I think you’ll find they’re called sympathy cards!”

An Aww-Inspiring Encounter

, , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2017

(I have come down with an extremely sore throat, to the extent that swallowing hurts so much it causes me to tear up. The only way I am able to fall asleep is to tilt my head down and constantly drool onto my pillow so that I will not be woken up by the pain of swallowing my spit. The only thing that makes the pain tolerable is to constantly suck on lozenges. After a couple days I run out, and go to the store for more. I head to the display they were at before, and see that the sale is no longer on.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(I start to reach for the shelf that held my favourite flavour, only to realize it was sold out.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(I start to reach for my next-favourite flavour, but find that shelf is also empty.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(The customer beside me couldn’t help herself and cracked up. I explained my thought process in my very raspy voice, and I shared a painful laugh with her, which was a high point of the whole experience. Especially considering that, after days of sucking on what is essentially a medicated candy pretty much every waking moment, completely ignoring the recommended daily limit, I ended up developing sores in my mouth in addition to the nasty throat. And now I know why there is a recommended daily limit.)

Expand Your Mind, But Not Your Wallet

, , , , | Friendly | June 10, 2017

(I’m in one of the social areas of a large scale online RPG. Out of the blue I get a request from a random player who just runs up to me.)

Player: “Hey, I see you’re wearing some gear from [Area in Expansion Pack #1]. Interested in doing a raid there together?”

Me: “Sure. I need to go back there and grab some additional stuff anyway.”

(We team up to do the raid; however, when I click on the given area, the game throws up an error message saying one or more members of my party doesn’t have the necessary expansion pack.)

Me: “Uh, there seems to be something wrong. Do you have [Expansion Pack #1]?”

Player: “Oh, no. Do I need it?”

Me: “Yeah, kinda?”

Player: “Sorry. Okay, what about a raid in [Expansion Pack #2 Area]?”

(I set up the raid, and get the same error message.)

Me: “Do you have the pack for that area?”

Player: “No, I don’t. Let’s try [Expansion Pack #3 Area].”

Me: “Wait. First, how much of the game content do you have?”

Player: “Just the base game.”

Me: “Well, you’re not going to be able to go to any of these areas without the packs that add them.”

Player: “But I’m in your party and you have the expansion packs! Won’t that allow me to bypass that? I don’t want to have to pay more to get the new loot!”

(I tried to explain that no, you can’t go to areas that you don’t have the content for installed on your computer, and joining up with someone else who does will not allow you to sidestep the issue. He then left my party and I later saw him complaining on the forums about how no one would let him do a raid with them in the areas for which he adamantly refused to buy and install the needed content.)

Page 4/697First...23456...Last