Encounters with friends & strangers

Someone Has To Lose In Every Game

, , , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: Matissieboy2 | June 17, 2021

When I am fourteen, I go to a gaming event near my home. A couple of friends and I bring our laptops and compete against others. It is about noon when I start my first round.

Kid: “Look, Mom!” *Pointing in my general direction* “That laptop is really cool. I want one!”

The mother comes over to me.

Mother: “Hi, sweetie. My son really likes your laptop. Can he play a match on it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this laptop is very expensive. I don’t trust a stranger to play on it.”

Mother: “Don’t worry; I know my kid. He’ll be fine.”

Me: *Slightly annoyed* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but like I said, I don’t trust a stranger with my equipment. The answer is no.”

It appears as if the mother understands; I don’t hear anything from her for a while. Then, I take a bathroom break. I come back from the bathroom and my laptop is gone!

Me: *To my friend* “What happened to my laptop?!”

Friend: “This woman came up to me and asked if someone was using this seat, and when I was distracted, she took it. I have no idea where they went.”

I start to panic. After running around for what feels like an eternity, I finally find the kid playing on MY laptop. When I approach, the kid’s mother starts shouting.

Mother: “Help! Help! This man is trying to steal my kid’s computer!”

Security comes and brings me to some sort of interrogation room. I explain what happened, but they don’t believe me.

Security: “Are there any witnesses that can prove your story?”

Me: “My friend and the others around could confirm it.”

We walk back to the table and the security officer asks everyone what happened individually. He comes back to me.

Security: “I’m sorry for not believing you, young man. It appears you were telling the truth all along.”

The security went to the mother and the kid and demanded that they give me back my laptop. The woman refused, and when she realized she couldn’t get her way out of it, she took the laptop and smashed it on the floor. My laptop that I’d had to save so long for was smashed to pieces.

Court didn’t exactly do her well; she had to pay back the laptop and an additional €500. Luckily, I didn’t ever see her again.

This story is part of our Best Of June 2021 roundup!

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Lifestyles Of The Cheap And The Hungry

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 15, 2021

Back in the depths of time, when I was in high school, one of my friends was notoriously cheap. He had money but loathed spending it on anything except his hobbies. I was driving back to town after taking the group to a convention when we decided to pull over at a chain restaurant for lunch. The waiter handed us the menus and asked us what we wanted to drink.

Me: “Iced tea, please.”

Friend #2: “Coke.”

Friend #3: “Coffee.”

Friend #1: “I’ll just have water.”

The rest of us rolled our eyes at that but looked through the menus and decided what we wanted to eat. [Friend #1] spent a lot of time checking the menu for the cheapest item and was still at it when the waiter returned.

Waiter: “Have we decided what we’re having?”

Friend #2: “I’ll have a cheeseburger and onion rings.”

Friend #3: “Could I get [restaurant specialty meal]?”

Me: “I’d like a cheeseburger and fries.”

[Friend #1] was silent.

Waiter: “Sir? Are you ready to order?”

Friend #1: “I’d like the a la mode.”

Everyone at the table sat there in shock. The waiter rallied quickly.

Waiter: “You said you wanted a la mode?”

Friend #1: “That’s all I want.”

Waiter: “Uh… most people have that with pie.”

Friend #1: “Nope. I’ll just have the a la mode.

He handed the waiter his menu.

Waiter: “O… kay. One a la mode it is.”

The waiter headed for the kitchen to put in our order and we all rounded on [Friend #1].

All Of Us: “What the h*** is wrong with you? Who the h*** orders a la mode by itself? It’s supposed to be served on a slice of pie!”

Friend #1: “It’s the cheapest thing on the menu.”

Our food was quickly brought out to us, and [Friend #1] got a very small scoop of vanilla ice cream served on an otherwise empty saucer. We mocked him mercilessly throughout the meal and during the drive back to town. 

Me: A la mode may have been the cheapest item on the menu, but it wasn’t the cheapest thing in that restaurant.”

Friend #1: *Looking interested* “What was the cheapest thing at the restaurant?”

All Of Us: “YOU!”

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A Chairy Choosy Beggar

, , , | Friendly | CREDIT: Jaws_3D | June 13, 2021

My wife was on a “free items” page on Facebook, where people in need can ask or offer something up for free. Someone was in desperate need of a kitchen table. She went on about how she needed a place for all her kids to do their homework while she cooked meals or something.

We had just bought a new kitchen table and chairs when we redid our kitchen, but the others were in decent shape and we kept them in the garage. We were going to donate them or have a tag sale. So, my wife offered this woman our old kitchen table and chairs. Not only that, but she graciously offered my services to deliver them.

I forced my son to actually get dressed on a Saturday morning before noon and we Tetrised the four chairs and table into the back of the truck and drove to the next town over.

When we got there, the lady seemed grateful. But then she looked at the chairs and said she was going to keep looking for chairs, but the table she’d take.


“I don’t want the chairs; I don’t like them.”

Um, okay. My son was smiling because he thought he was going to get to see me WWE a chair on a woman. So, we drove four chairs to the thrift store with me muttering like the Dad in A Christmas Story the whole way. We got home and I let my wife know never again. Nope, I’m done. Well, until the next time she needs me to do something, because that’s what husbands do.

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Doesn’t She Have Homework To Do Or Something?

, , , , , | Friendly | June 12, 2021

We’ve elected not to give our eleven-year-old daughter a cell phone because we’d rather not have her join the bandwagon of having her face glued to it every waking hour of the day. With that said, we’ve let her know that her friends are welcome to call the house phone as long as they use proper general phone etiquette. For the most part, all of them have… except one particular girl.

To say this girl is a poster child for phone addicts would be a vast understatement. She rings the house as many as ten times a day, to the point where I have to change the ringtone on the phone after getting tired of hearing it. If my daughter isn’t at home, this girl calls literally every ten or fifteen minutes asking again for her. The calls are never anything important: “I’m at the shoe shop with my mom. Is [Brand A] or [Brand B] better?” “Some girl likes this boy.” “Some girl said this and that at cheerleader practice.”

I’ve tried patiently asking the girl to limit her calls to once a day, but she has blatantly disregarded the request, and she’ll say, “Okay, this is the last call for the day, okay?” and then call later and say, “Just ten seconds! I have to tell her something real quick!”

Our family leaves for two weeks during the Christmas holiday season, and when we return, I discover 227 missed calls on the phone and our voicemail completely full; each and every message is from that little brat. After spending a solid twenty minutes manually deleting them all, I call and inform her that she is permanently banned from calling our house.

Only two hours later, the phone rings with her number, and I am near speechless.

Girl: “Is [Daughter] there?”

Me: “Did you not understand what I said to you earlier?”

Girl: “I know, I know, but this is really important. I promise!”

Me: “What is it?”

Girl: “It’s kind of private… but I promise, it’s an emergency. I really have to talk to her. Two minutes, tops!”

Me: “Last call, understand?”

I hand my daughter the phone long enough for her to say, “Hello?” and then put the phone back to my ear to see what it is.

Girl: “Oh, my God, [Daughter], you are not going to believe this! I was at [place] and spotted [Boy] and [Other Girl] holding hands! I swear on the Holy Bible, I saw it!”


I hung up. And, astonishingly enough, it took three more intercepted calls over the following week before she finally got the message. It’s just a shame some parents won’t teach their kids phone etiquette.

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God Loves All Creation… Except That

, , , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2021

Our church holds a Thanksgiving Day mass mid-morning on the holiday. There are always two big tables set up in the church: one for food donations for the Thanksgiving dinner the church hosts for the needy, and one for people to bring something they’ll eat themselves that night. Both tables of food get a blessing.

However, one year the priest came forward to bless the food and noticed a plate of Brussels sprouts.

Priest: *Pauses* “Hmm, Brussels sprouts. I don’t know if I can actually bless those.”

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