A Recipe For Misunderstanding

, , , , | Friendly | January 8, 2019

(I live in the outlying islands of Hong Kong. Not to brag, but I make a cracking veggie sausage roll. Friends both veggie and carnivorous rave about them and I am always happy to give out the recipe. One weekend we are invited to a barbecue at a friend’s place, so I make a batch to take along — barbecues can be fairly miserable for vegetarians. I pop them on the table of snacks and grab myself a drink. Presently I am introduced to a young woman who has recently moved to the island. The following ensues:)

Young Woman: “These sausage rolls are delicious! It’s so nice to have proper veggie food at a barbecue!”

Me: “Aw, thank you! I absolutely agree; my husband and I are both veg and we love them, too.”

Young Woman: “You must give me the recipe!”

Me: “Oh, hang on.”

(I am about to tell her what goes into the rolls but my attention is diverted to my overly-helpful two-year-old trying to carry three plates at once. I bend down to take them off her and gently tell her just to take one since they’re heavy. Straightening back up, I am greeted with…)

Young Woman: “WELL, FINE! I suppose it’s one of these bloody secret family recipes is it?”

Me: “No, no, it’s—“

Young Woman: “I can’t stand people like you. You all think you’re so clever and above all of us, and you don’t even have the decency to share a little love!”

Me: “No, no, really! It’s—“

Young Woman: “SHARE A LITTLE LOVE!” *flounces out*

Friend: “It’s not a secret recipe, is it? You gave me the recipe after Christmas.”

Me: “You know me; I’m all about sharing the love!”

Need To Elevate The Standard Of Youth

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2019

(I am in Hong Kong. I enter an elevator that is descending. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze at first, so I accidentally bump into the other occupants who are already in there. Everyone involved in this story appears to be East Asian, myself included.)

Me: “Whoops. Sorry, everyone! My apologies.”

(We go down a few floors and several people exit. The only people remaining in the elevator are an old man and me. We go down one more floor, and standing in front is a young man who is hesitant to enter.)

Me: “What seems to be the matter, friend? Come on in; there’s plenty of room.”

(The young man is standing still, and not moving an inch.)

Me: “Are you going up, or going down?”

Young Man: “Up!”

Me: “Well, okay, looks like you might want to try the other elevator. This one’s going down for at least several more floors, so it’ll be a while before it starts going back up again. Have a good one, then.”

(The young man stops acknowledging me and just waits for the door to close. While we’re going down again, the old man standing next to me finally decides to talk to me.)

Old Man: “Where are you from, son?”

Me: “Me? I’m from Canada, sir.”

Old Man: “That explains it! Your English and your manners are both exceptionally good! I knew there was no way you could be one of the local kids!”

(Rather unfortunate that he has such a view of his own country’s youth, but hey, he said it, not me.)

The Top Rated Posts Of 2018!

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | January 7, 2019

Dear readers,

It’s time to reveal the twenty highest-rated stories from 2018!

 

20 – Playing Unfair With The Fairer Sex
19 – That Is “Pretty” Awesome, Part 2
18 – Bagged Far More Than He Bargained For
17 – The Cake Price Is A Lie
16 – The Bosses Need To Clean Up Their Act
15 – Brunch Time Crunch Time
14 – There’s No Business Like None Of Your Business
13 – Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 11
12 – Dusting Off The Scum
11 – Fart Jokes Exist In A Vacuum
10 – Goodbye Fighting, Hello Kitty
9 – Mouse Versus Evil
8 – Must Be Friends With Aaron Schlossberg
7 – Man, What A Wait!
6 – This Prank Has A Drinking Problem
5 – The Best Comeback Since Sliced Bread
4 – Treat It Like A Boss
3 – Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is
2 – A Reversal Of Fortune
1 – The Adventures Of Captain Camp And Mother Russia

 

Do you have a favorite story from 2018 that didn’t make the top twenty? Don’t worry; you can still push to give it an honorable mention by telling us your best story here.

Many, MANY Red Flags

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2019

(This is overheard at the gate waiting area in an airport. They both seem to be Americans by accent.)

Stranger #1: “So, what color do you see here?” *points at red*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “So, you can’t see the red?”

Stranger #2: “No.”

Stranger #1: “Then what do you see as red?”

Stranger #2: “I can’t see any red.”

Stranger #1: “So, is this ‘red’ to you?” *points at purple*

Stranger #2: “That looks deep blue.”

Stranger #1: “Then is this ‘red’?” *points at actual dark brown*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “You see brown! How about…?” *points at pink*

Stranger #2: “Yeah. That’s light blue.”

Stranger #1: “This?” *points at yellow*

Stranger #2: “Yellow.”

Stranger #1: “Oh, you see yellow, too!”

Stranger #2: “Yep.”

Stranger #1: “So, what’s red to you? Can you point at something red?”

Stranger #2: “I said I can’t see any red. Nothing at all will look red to me.”

Stranger #1: “There must be some color you see that looks red. Does black look red to you?”

Stranger #2: *sigh* “No… I see black.”

Me: *rolls eyes and walks away, muttering about how that’s not how being color blind works*

 

Trying To Reason With Them Is Very Taxing

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 6, 2019

(A coworker and I are on the bus home. This coworker is American and holds some political views that are very unusual in the EU. We are talking about tax in Britain which he considers to be too high.)

Me: “But you get quite a lot in return for it. The NHS for example.”

Coworker: “I just don’t believe in taxes.”

Me: “I get that you think they are too high, but you have to believe in some level of taxation.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t believe in any taxes at all.”

Me: “Didn’t you used to work for the army?”

(Another passenger sitting nearby starts sniggering.)

Coworker: “Well, I believe in taxes for defence, but not for anything else!”

Me: “Did you go to a public school?”

Coworker: “Yes, but…”

Me: “Do you drive on public roads?”

Coworker: “If there were no taxes people would set these things up for themselves.”

(Who knew Republicans are apparently anarchists?)

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