Husband: “[Daughter] isn’t going to finish all that rice.”

Daughter: “Is that a challenge?”

Husband: “No, it’s a prophecy. Just call me Nostradadmus.

Daughter: “Better check your scrolls again!”

Husband: “I don’t have the Dead Sea Scrolls. I have the ‘You’ll See’ Scrolls.”

She proved him wrong, happily.

It’s November 1st, breakfast time with my three-year-old. Trick-or-treating was yesterday.

Three-Year-Old: “I. WANT. CANDY!”

Me: “How about some eggy pancakes and syrup for breakfast?”

Three-Year-Old: “NO PANCAKES. CANDYYYYYY!”

Me: “Okay. Don’t eat the pancakes. These are my pancakes.”

Three-Year-Old: “MY PANCAKES.”

Me: “That shouldn’t have worked that easily.”

I get home from the mall with my kids, who have been out to spend their chore money (fifty cents to do the dishes, twenty-five cents to keep their rooms straight, etc.), and I notice one of them has purchased a plastic spider.

Me: “Ugh, no. Nope. No, no, no.”

Son: “What?”

Me: “You know I’m scared of spiders! You wanna give your mom a heart attack? You are not pranking me with a fake spider!”

Son: “I… I was gonna use it on Dad!”

Me: “Dad, whose favorite movie is Arachnophobia? That Dad? Yeah, suuuuure you were.”

Seeing through his plan, he concedes, and he hands over the toy spider. It was icky to even look at, but thankfully, it was still in its plastic packaging, so I could deal with it. 

A few days later, I’m vacuuming the living room, and from a distance I can see the fake spider. I am startled for a second, but the distance plus the knowledge that it’s plastic saves me from letting out a total scream. My ‘loving’ son has decided to prank me anyway, despite my attempts to stop him.

I pick up the spider and walk it back to my son’s room, where he is deep into a video game.

Me: “Nice try, [Son]. You almost got me.”

Son: “What do you mean?”

Me: “How did you know where I put the spider?”

Son: “The plastic spider?”

Me: “Yes, this spider!”

I toss the spider onto his lap. He looks down at it, then up at me, and says in a quietly horrified voice:

Son: “Mom… I… didn’t find the spider.”

I look at him, and then down at his lap, and then at my hand, that had just been holding… that thing.

The scream I didn’t let out before… yeah, no such self-control this time. My son joined me. 

His room was off limits until my husband came home, and my son vowed off pranks for the rest of his life.

My son is six years old, and for at least a year now, I’ve encouraged independence in him, such as ordering his own food when we go out to eat. He loves talking to people and doing ‘big kid’ tasks, so he takes to it readily. When we’re at a coffee shop, he wants water, and I allow him to go to the counter to order it himself.

He’s standing at the counter for a couple of minutes when a woman enters the shop and stands near the counter. My son is a bit bouncy (he’s a six-year-old with ADHD, we’re working on the staying still part), but is very much at the counter and in front of the register. A minute later, a busy barista is finally freed up and comes to the register. The woman barges forward and begins her order.

I see my son turn to the woman and say something, though I’m too far to hear him. She takes a step back, and I hear my son order his water politely, give his name, and say thank you.

When he comes back, I ask for details.

Me: “Hey, what happened with that woman who was standing behind you?”

Son: “She started her order ahead of me.”

Me: “I saw that! What did you say to her? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

Son: “I said, ‘Hey, I was in line first!'”

Me: “Good job! Sometimes grown-ups think they can go ahead of kids just because they’re grown-ups, but you were standing there before she even came inside, so you were definitely ahead of her. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself!”

Son: “I maybe yelled a little bit.”

Me: “Well, we don’t want to yell at people, but I couldn’t hear you from here, so I don’t think you yelled.”

Son: “I used my confident voice!”

I was at the store and overheard a woman talking to an older woman, her mother.

Younger Woman: “I need to find the baby monitors.”

Older Woman: “Oh, that’s not good.”

Younger Woman: “Why?”

Older Woman: “They’re not very ethical.”

Younger Woman: “Why?!”

Older Woman: “They’re an invasion of the baby’s privacy!”

Younger Woman: “Mom… you listened in on all my house calls until I moved out.”

The conversation seemed to end after that!