The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Pie

, , , , , | Related | July 21, 2021

I visit my mom and stepdad for a few days to celebrate my birthday. For my birthday dinner, I request Cuban sandwiches and to help Mom make an apple pie. Once we’re finished with the sandwiches, Mom and I get to work on the pie. Shortly, the apples are peeled and we’re cutting them into pieces and putting them into the crust. I keep popping pieces into my mouth instead of the pie.

My mom addresses me in a tone that says she knew this was inevitable but she’s still aggravated.

Mom: “You’re supposed to be helping me make the pie!”

Me: “Mom… I’ve been ‘helping’ you make food like this for over thirty years!”

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McMalicious Compliance

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: True_Madness | July 15, 2021

When she was younger, my little sister was… a brat. She had to have the best clothes and the best things in life, and she was always chatting with her friends on her mobile. One morning, my mum got a text message from my sister… who was in her bedroom, three rooms away, asking for her to make her some breakfast. My mother took a breath.

Mother: *Texting* “Okay, what do you want?”

My sister responded that she wanted an egg and bacon with a muffin. My mother’s own “McMuffins” were a Sunday special in our house. So, my mother complied. She got a plate, place an unopened egg, a cold piece of bacon, and a muffin on it, walked it to my sister’s room, and placed it in front of her.

Sister: “You didn’t cook it”

Mother: “You didn’t specify!”

And she left the room. My sister never asked my mother for breakfast through a text ever again.

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Mom May Have Dementia But The Son Is Just Stupid

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2021

I work for a housing company. I have this approximate exchange via email.

Day 1:

Customer: “I need to cancel my mother’s rental agreement. She has dementia and was admitted.”

Me: “I am so sorry to hear that. Here is the cancellation form. If she can no longer sign herself, we need proof of that — for example, a power of attorney from the courthouse, or her registration at the facility with her moving notice made at city hall.”

Customer: “She can no longer sign herself. She has dementia. She has no idea what is going on.”

Me: “I understand. Please give us proof, like [same as listed above] or anything else that is a legal document.”

Day 2: 

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “I understand, but we are not allowed to cancel a rental contract without the signature of your mother or any other proof.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It is to protect your mother. We don’t want to make any mistakes, and we want to handle this delicate case correctly. Plus, it’s the law.”

Day 3: 

Customer: “But my mother has dementia and I am her son!”

Me: “I understand, but we need proof. Any kind of proof.”

Customer: “Why are you making this so hard? This is an old lady we are talking about!”

Me: “And we want to do this right for your mother. But again, we need proof.”

Day 4: 

Customer: “My mother rented this place for decades! Is this how you treat your loyal customers? She always paid on time, never raised a fuss, never asked for repairs… You are a cruel and heartless lot!”

Me: “Again, I understand your concerns, but we need proof to avoid fraud. Please arrange the proof needed and fill in the attached form.”

It was at that point that I also sent a copy of this interaction to our Fraud Department. I get that you don’t want to fill in forms, but four days have passed and this could’ve been dealt with within one or two days. It wouldn’t be the first time someone tried to cancel the rent of someone else out of malicious intent.

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The Biggest (And Cutest) Mood

, , , , , | Related | July 2, 2021

We have two small children, ages five and three. One morning, we are eating breakfast.

Three-Year-Old: *Quietly* “Mommy, are we going out today?”

Me: “Yes, we will soon go to kindergarten.”

The five-year-old slams their fist on the table.

Five-Year-Old: *Loudly* “Not again!”

The three-year-old gently puts their fist on the table.

Three-Year-Old: *Whispering* “Not again.”

Yeah, kids, I know the feeling.

For the record, the kids love their kindergarten and have absolutely no issues going there. They just hate waking up early to prepare for it.

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Some People Say Video Games Are Unhealthy, But…

, , , , , | Related | June 11, 2021

I’m playing video games when my mom asks me to do something.

Me: “Yeah, just let me die a second.”

There’s a long pause.

Mom: “I know what you mean, but please never say that again.”

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