The company has an urgent need to send workers from a branch somewhere 700 km away to a certain site. The site will not allow workers in unless they have attended some mandatory safety courses totalling dozens of hours per person. And the company is already understaffed all the time. I’m the company’s safety trainer.

Me: “Regarding the work at [Site], the customer requires that half of the course is practical training done in person. Are you going to send me to [Branch] so I can train the workers?”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Are you going to send them over here?”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Then I can’t do the training.”

Boss: “Good. We’ll let an external agency handle the training.”

Two weeks go by…

Boss: “How’s the situation with [Site]? Did you get access for the workers?”

Me: “Of course I did not. Did you train them from the external agency?”

Boss: “No.”

Me: “Then they don’t have certificates from the mandatory courses. They won’t be allowed in.”

Boss: “Try anyway.”

I try anyway. The site denies access. Weeks pass.

Boss: “How’s the situation with [Site]?”

Me: *Dying inside.* “Same as last time. When the workers have training certificates, I’ll repeat the request.”

Boss: “But we need to get them in, or we’ll lose the job!”

Me: “I raised the point weeks ago. I sent you an e-mail detailing who needs which courses…”

Boss: “…but it’s incomprehensible! What if you issued the certificates in advance, and then…”

Me: “No way. I’ve already fallen for this. Not anymore.”

Boss: “But our workers are experienced!”

Me: “That’s not the issue! Are you going to listen and let me explain?”

Boss: “No, I’m not! You’re being hostile for no reason!”

Frankly, I lost it at this point. I know we were still going back and forth, but as if on autopilot, because my brain was busy processing that reply. Then my boss decided to try “being sensible”.

Boss: “At least issue a certificate for [Foreman]. You know he’s been in the industry for eight years and knows enough to train you.”

I’m thinking: “Thank you for insulting me on top of everything else.”

Me: “It does not matter. And I’ll tell you why, even if you don’t want to hear. The certificate would not say he’s experienced, or knowledgeable. I’d gladly sign that. The certificate would say that on this day and time, we spent X hours together on a course, which would not match any other company record because it did not happen. And if that did not happen, then every other thing it says becomes doubtful, every other certificate becomes doubtful, do you want all our certificates being checked against paid leaves, punch times, sick days? I’ll tell you what. Write it. Send an email, a message, in which you tell me to issue it, and you’ll have your certificate in the time it takes to type [Foreman]’s name. Is that being hostile?”

I never got an order in writing. [Boss] just walked out. But I’m working with [Foreman] to get the safety courses done, with me holding the theory in video calls and him doing the practical training at [Branch]. We expect to be done by this Saturday. 

And I’ve changed the format of the certificates so that my signature is not on them anymore. Only the one by [Boss].

Guest: “I’m feeling like I need to complain about your breakfast service.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What is the nature of the complaint?”

Guest: “Well, we were excited to enjoy our continental breakfast but were greatly disappointed to find that we had to serve ourselves in the cavernous lobby!”

Me: “We do also have a restaurant on the top floor that offers a sit-down service.”

Guest: “Yes, but that’s not part of the prepaid breakfast!”

Me: “That’s correct. The self-serve breakfast still serves a wide variety of options, and—”

Guest: “—No! I expect waitstaff to bring my breakfast to me, and for it to be included in the room rate! This would not be acceptable in America!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Guest: “…and?”

Me: “And what, madam?”

Guest: “You’re sorry to hear that… aaaaaand?!”

Me: “…and I hope you have a nice day?”

Guest: “You’re not going to do anything?”

Me: “The breakfast will be served in the lobby, the same as it has for the last twenty years, madam. We have a smaller sit-down restaurant on the roof deck for à la carte options, but these are charged separately. There is nothing else I can do for you regarding your query.”

Guest: “Well… that’s just not acceptable!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Guest: “Stop being sorry!”

Me: “Yes, madam.”

Guest: “And do something about it!”

Me: “Would you like your breakfast pre-selected and brought to your room from tomorrow morning?”

Guest: “What good would that do?!”

Me: “It would mean you wouldn’t have to enter our cavernous lobby.”

Guest: “That doesn’t benefit me!”

I soooo wanted to say, “but it DOES benefit me,” but I held back. 

The manager ended up taking her complaint and re-explained how the hotel works. She seemed completely incapable of accepting that her complaint would elicit no action or apologies from us, and when she finally ran out of steam and wandered away, it was more from confusion than anger.

I’m commenting on a social media post. I witnessed the following comment exchange take place over the space of five minutes:

EU Commenter: “Yeah, I would love to get one for myself, but it’s €499.99, and I can’t justify that kind of cost right now.”

One of the commenters from the USA chimes in:

USA Commenter: “What the h*** is that funny ‘C’?”

EU Commenter: “You mean €? That’s the symbol for the Euro.”

USA Commenter: “Why are you talking about Euros?”

EU Commenter: “Because I am in Europe. I use Euros.”

USA Commenter: “But why are you talking about Europe? This is Facebook, so it’s American!”

EU Commenter: “My friend, what do you think the first two ‘W’s in www stand for?”

A client calls our bank and is unhappy about the security questions.

Client: “I should not be giving answers to those questions.”

Me: “Well, those are to help us identify that it is you calling. That is a part of our security policy.”

Client: “But I already told you I am [Name, Surname]. You should know it’s me!”

Losing hope he will understand, I try some bluffing:

Me: “So you want us to remove the security policy on your account?”

Client: “Yes, exactly.”

Me: “Okay, so, please confirm, you are authorizing us to provide all information related to your account, and to do all account-related operations for anybody who calls us and says they are [Name, Surname], am I right?”

Client: “Are you crazy? Of course not. Only me, I am [Name, Surname]!”

Me: “Mister, how are we gonna know who is [Name, Surname], and who is not, if we skip security policy as per your request?”

Client: “…?”

Me: “…?”

I don’t know how, but finally he understood why we have a security policy and why he has to answer all those questions.

Our hotel has one room left. Everyone was checked in already, and I was waiting for the clock to strike 10 PM so I could go home. At around 9 PM, I get a call from a hotel a town over.

Other Hotel: “Do you have a double room for two people?”

Me: “Only a twin room for 100€ a night.”

Other Hotel: “They will take it.”

Twenty minutes later, sure enough, an older gentleman arrives and says he is from the hotel that called, ready to check in for two people.

Me: “Welcome to our hotel. I will just need ID or a passport.”

He provides me with three passports.

Guest: “It’s my two kids. I have the older one in the car.”

Me: “The room is a twin bed; it will be hard for three of you to sleep there.”

Guest: “Actually, we are four.”

Me: “So you book a plane the same way? Buy two tickets and hope you will get free seats?”

Guest: “What does it matter? They are five, seven, and twelve!”

It was raining really hard outside, and I had no heart telling them no; I knew everything else was booked.

Me: “The room is a twin bed, how you will sleep is your problem, not mine. The price does go up, however, it will be 200€.”

Guest: “What? So much?! For kids?”

Me: “Our rate for four people in the family room is 250€, I’m giving you a discount. Take or leave it.”

He did take it and had the audacity to complain that there were only two of everything: pillows, covers, towels, etc.

That has happened three times in one week. I somewhat understand for a baby that parents don’t say they will be traveling with one, but for kids that age? Trying to get lower prices on every turn…