Part of my job is dispatching e-mailed tickets directly from the end-user that usually lack a certain sense of “business” about them…

End-user: Can you please have a tech come by and fix the microphone on my laptop? My colleagues tell me I sound like a “dhellakh”?????

I dispatch the ticket to the On-site techs with the following comment:

Me: I believe he needs The Doctor not a tech but please see what you can do :)

(I’m receiving a dose of chemo treatment, which in this hospital means sitting at desks in a room with several other patients. Probably as a result of their job risk assessment, the nurses are all wearing funny-looking, disposable filter masks, which is a novelty and a noticeable one).
Patient: “Nurse, why are you wearing those masks today?”
Nurse: “It’s a safety measure, so we don’t accidentally breathe the chemotherapy drugs.”
Patient: “Then why aren’t we given masks as well?”
Nurse: “Because they wouldn’t do much of a difference, since you’re getting the drugs straight into your bloodstream anyway?”
(Despite the usually somber atmosphere in the room, there was some chuckling.)

(I am on the evening shift at a specialized cancer ward. I come out from a room and bump into one of my colleagues. This woman is older than I am and, I assume, far more experienced than I am, although I have racked up a fair amount of experience myself at this point. My colleague looks decidedly puzzled.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Colleague: “It’s so strange. The patient in [Room] is so unresponsive. And I don’t know what to do about this. She was turning blue and seemed to have trouble breathing!”

(This was delivered almost frustratingly slow. She started to describe just HOW the patient was using her whole torso to draw air into her lungs, but I ran past her into the patient’s room. She’d had a cardiac arrest! I pressed the alarm and, miracle of miracles, we managed to resuscitate her through sheer stubbornness and hard work. We were overjoyed with the resuscitation, but we all had some choice words with the head nurse about our colleague! I never saw her working there again after that.)