Unfiltered Story #107766

| Unfiltered | March 22, 2018

(In our AP World history class, our teacher is forced to attend a conference with other WHAP teachers. As a result, she is forced to get a substitute for the day. Since she knew about this beforehand, she specifically planned out the lesson so that we wouldn’t be learning anything new that day and would have the entire 2 hour class block to work on any work that needed to be done. This WAS the plan, until the sub finishes roll call. This guy legitimately looks like if Walter White, Steve Jobs, and him were all triplets, the resemblance in uncanny. He tells us to put away the computers and proceeds to give us “advice” for the AP exams and colleges, as well as personal anecdotes about his kids. He says that he is an AP U.S. History teacher, and then proceeds to tell us how our teacher is not doing her job right, how girls shouldn’t be going outside at all, and that we will fail the AP exams, fail to get into college, and die a sad lonely life. ALL of our homework and classwork is on Google Classroom, which meant if we couldn’t use the laptops, we got nothing to do. Most of the kids are getting twitchy at the amount of time lost, and start complaining, to which the sub responds furiously.)

Sub: If you guys want to do your work THAT badly, you should have your books. The school system these days are getting more and more unhealthy. Kids shouldn’t be using computers for education unless you’re r*******. (Yes, our sub did use that word in a classroom setting.)

Student #1: Um, but we still have our paper packets to do. All of the work may be in our book but—

Sub: EXACTLY. USE the BOOK. Its not meant to be left at home so you could use a computer. I bet that none of you are willing to tell me what effect the Magna Carta has.

Student #2: Uh, this is WHAP, we don’t focus specifically on U.S. History in here, since we’re more focused on all of the—

Sub: Yeah, here’s the deal with female teachers, they’re always doing something wrong. Whether or not they think they know what they’re doing. Girls, know this, but society will always look down on you for trying to be smart, and so unless you really like breaking rules, its probably best for everybody if you guys do what you need to do and no more. *phone rings* hold up, your teacher’s calling.

(He picks up the phone and the first thing he says is “What.” After a couple mmhmms, and “What? Fine.” He finally blurts out this gem:)

Sub: FINE! Its not my fault if your teachings are gonna f*** over these kids in college one day.

Sister: What did she say?

Sub: SHE WANTS you guys to use the computers and do your classwork. Unbelievable! Computers are used ONLY for entertainment nowadays, and people who use them for ‘education’ as you guys call it will end FAILING this AP exam, flunking out of high school, and never getting into college! Also, she said a STUDENT was texting her about this. Who ratted me out?!

(The sub then proceeds to grill each individual student who he thinks ratted him out. Of course, he goes after the girls first, then the oldest ones. The student who actually did it, Student #1, had the foresight to text our teacher, then tell her that he’s going to pretend his phone is dead so that the teacher can’t punish him, if at all. The teacher is going nuts, getting up in people’s faces and whatnot before finally giving up and sitting down his chair rubbing his eyes. Then he starts to speak about how his son is going to Harvard and how he took up teaching again so he could help pay for his tuition.)

Sub: I mean, if I’m unable to support my son, then he can’t go to college and then he can’t be successful. I know today might not be our finest hur, but boys, going to a good college is extraordinarily beneficial for your family and yourself. I went to Yale and I can tell you, the programs are just amazing and—

(He then goes on a tangent on his opinion of colleges and their programs and whatnot. Finally, he says this line which pushes my sister and I WAY over the edge:)

Sub: But yeah, boys. go to colleges. Girls, you guys don’t even need to bother. I mean, look at those two *gestures to me and my sister* I’m willing to bet that she’ll marry that guy because she’ll get pregnant and the guy’s gonna stick around because its the honorable thing to do, and Asians are all about honor, right?

(Silence for about 5 seconds, then—)

Me: I HOPE you know that we’re both related, and that we’re fraternal twins.

Sub: Oh, wellm you know—

Student #3: Dude, that’s WAY over the line, I mean, that’s pretty racist but…

Sub: I’m NOT racist, I’m saying he just looks like an honorable person, but not because—

Me: Yeah, well, either way, you’ve been a terrible sub throughout this entire class, and we’ll be reporting you after we all leave.

Sister: Also, giving advice for colleges out to students can get you fired and your teaching license barred. So…

(Never have I seen a man go from rude, to angry, to depressed, to excited, to depressed again. After we told him how he might get fired, he just sits down and doesn’t get up again. What a nut!)

Unfiltered Story #107764

, | Unfiltered | March 22, 2018

(This takes ace 40 years ago when my grandmother just started teaching. She was having students read a French story out loud and then attempt to translate it. One of the names, Dumas (prounounced Doom-Ah), didn’t translate well)

Grandma: Please read the next paragraph.

Student: Monsieur et madame dumb-ass… *continues paragraph*

Grandma: *struggling to keep a poker face* Good job, next!

Unfiltered Story #107762

, | Unfiltered | March 22, 2018

(Because of our high school has 4 jazz bands, my jazz band (jazz 3) has to rehearse in a room called the ‘black box.’ This room is shared between the band, choir, and drama departments, so there are often props from the upcoming plays and musicals in the black box. Across the room, there is a barrel with a couple empty wine bottles on top of it. Our second trombone decides to grab one of them.)
2nd trombone: I’m gonna get me some wine!
1st trombone: No! [2nd trombone]! Don’t become an alcoholic so early in life!
(The second trombone sits back down, holding the empty bottle.)
1st alto: Dude! Share. It’s been a long day.
1st trombone: But it’s only zero-hour!
1st alto and 1st tenor at the same time: Exactly.
(Our teacher tries to count us off so that we start playing, but finally sees the wine bottle.)
Teacher: Yes! Pass it around.

Unfiltered Story #107760

, | Unfiltered | March 22, 2018

(One day, we have a shortened schedule. I have a geometry class and some students are arriving late. Keep in mind that I’m in Spanish II Honors.)
Teacher: Vamanos!
Me: Vamanos is incorrect, that’s what they say in Dora. The correct way to say “let’s go” in Spanish is “vamos”)
Student: Yeah, [My Name]! Dora is fake!

Unfiltered Story #107758

, , | Unfiltered | March 21, 2018

(I have just arrived at my parents’ house to use thier shower while my apartment nearby is being renovated. They are at work, and I decide to hang out for a while to spend time with the cats. As I let myself in, my parents’ senior cat asks to be let out. It’s a quiet neighborhood, and as a younger cat, he loved to go outside and catch birds and mice. As he’s gotten older, he’s slowed down, and although he still likes to go outside, he never ventures far from the porch, and is usually ready to come in after 5 or 10 minutes. After about 10 minutes, I open the front door to find a Pest Control guy standing there.)

Pest control guy: Hi, there. I’m just here to spray. I was careful not to get too close to the catfood dishes on the porch. I should be done shortly.

(Normally it’s not a big deal, but the pest control people always put my family on edge. A few years before, we had a cat that fell asleep in the shade, behind a different pest control guy’s truck in our driveway. The guy hopped in and immediately slammed the truck into reverse, killing our cat before he had a chance to move. I had never seen my father so angry, and my mother was crushed. It was declared “an unfortunate accident”, and my father then made a point to hire a better company with employees with more thorough training and customer service, for our pest control needs.)

Me: Oh, okay. I was looking for our black cat. He’s out here somewhere, probably ready to come in. He’s almost 17, and his age is starting to show, so we try to keep an eye on him.

Pest control guy: *chuckling* Well, I just backed into the driveway. I didn’t see him. Hope I didn’t hit him!

Me: *trying to keep a blank face, but feeling a grimace creeping in* Please be mindful. He may run if he doesn’t recognize you. Thanks.

(I shut the door and sat down with the inside cats. After another 10 minutes, I opened the door again to see if the cat was on the porch. He wasn’t, but the guy was in the front yard, checking termite traps.

Pest control guy: Hey! As I walked around to the back yard, I saw a black cat run up the side of the house, towards the driveway. I don’t know where he is now.

(I realize he was not malicious in intent, but I still don’t see how it could be professional to joke about running over a family pet while on said family’s property. Fortunately, our senior cat showed up on the porch a few hours later, and happily trotted inside to the food bowl. My father was visibly relieved, and I finally left after I knew everything was okay.)

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