I was at the store and overheard a woman talking to an older woman, her mother.
Younger Woman: “I need to find the baby monitors.”
Older Woman: “Oh, that’s not good.”
Younger Woman: “Why?”
Older Woman: “They’re not very ethical.”
Younger Woman: “Why?!”
Older Woman: “They’re an invasion of the baby’s privacy!”
Younger Woman: “Mom… you listened in on all my house calls until I moved out.”
The conversation seemed to end after that!
I’m watching a nature documentary on the BBC with my kids. One of the teenagers almost screams at the TV when he sees something.
Teenage Son: “Is that… a badger?!”
Me: “Yeah?”
Teenage Son: “But… how?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Teenage Son: “They’re mythical! Like narwhals!”
I turn to my daughter.
Me: “Can you hit pause, love? This is going to take a while to unpack…”
I am picking up my twin boys from kindergarten. I’m asking them about their day, and they’re excited about all the new friends and opinions that are now in their world.
Son #1: “Mom, how do girls pee?”
Me: “Same as boys, but we need to sit down while doing it.”
Son #2: “So, girls pee out of their butts?”
Son #1: “Don’t be stupid!”
I’m about to mentally praise [Son #1] for being the sensible one when…
Son #1: “Girls don’t have butts!”
I used to do a bit of community theatre in my small town. My nephew was hanging out with nothing to do all summer, so I got him involved volunteering backstage and doing odd jobs around the theatre.
We were in the drive-thru getting burgers one night after a performance of a musical I was in, and he was good-naturedly giving me the business, talking about how I have a big head.
Nephew: “You just think you’re like a local celebrity or something just because you do plays and stuff.”
I pulled up to the pickup window.
Takeout Worker: “Here’s your food. Wait, are you in [Play] they’re doing at [Theater]? I saw that last weekend. You were so good in it!”
Me: “Thank you so much. It’s embarrassing to be recognized!”
I grabbed the food, turned my head to my nephew, and just smiled as I pulled out of the drive-thru.
My mom does not like spices in her food and rarely uses them in her cooking. Some of the bottles in her spice drawer are over ten years old. My siblings and I regularly joke with her that she considers regular black pepper “hot” and oregano an exotic flavor.
One day, she texts me about visiting for dinner.
Mom: “Do you have any Italian dressing? We’ll need a bit for the pasta salad.”
Me: “I do not. Wanna try making some? All you need is oil, vinegar, and spice— Oh… Wait…”
Mom: “Hey! I have spices! They’re even antiques!”
Me: “LOL. I’ll pick up a small bottle on my way in.”
