A Tortoise Beats A Hare By Using Time And Relative Dimensions In Space

, , , , , , | Related | November 20, 2017

(My five-year-old asks me to tell him a new fairy tale every night. I have begun to look up lists, as I want to find some I have never heard as well. One night, I decide to tell a fairly old one that I know by heart, since I am tired.)

Me: “Okay, I want to tell you one I already know, since it is late and I am super tired.”

Son: “Okay, what is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s old, but it has a good message. It’s about a tortoise and hare.”

Son: “A Tardis and a hair?”

Me: *blinks* “What did you say?”

Son: “A Tardis and a hair? Why would the Tardis have hair?”

Me: *laughing* “Not a Tardis… A tortoise! It’s like a turtle. And not a hair, but an H-A-R-E. It’s essentially a rabbit.”

Son: “Oh, I was about to ask if the Doctor changed it because a police box was kind of obvious.”

(I just blinked some more… Who has a five-year-old who thinks about that?!)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK!

| Related Right | November 20, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysQUESTION OF THE WEEK! Our new segment that aims to spice up your Mondays with our weekly question! 

What is the weirdest thing that happened at Thanksgiving dinner?

Leave your answer in the comments!

We’ll pick the best comments and feature them as stories!

This Chat Should Have Been A Snap

, , , , | Related | November 20, 2017

(I’ve recently adopted a kitten, and my mom is just as in love with her as I am. Unfortunately, I live a province away, so my mom can only see the new addition through the photos I send her. Since sending pictures via text eats away at data and my phone is already low on storage, I get the bright idea to get my mom to install Snapchat on her phone. My mom is usually pretty good with technology, so I don’t think it will be an issue. Boy, was I wrong.)

Me: “Okay, now go onto the app store and type in ‘Snapchat.’ You can get it there.”

Mom: “Wait, I don’t want to pay for this! You said it was free!”

Me: “It is. Do you see a price listed?”

Mom: “No.”

Me: “So, it’s free.”

Mom: “Why is it asking if I’m sure?”

Me: “It just does that. I promise you, it’s free.”

(She does download it, so I tell her to open it.)

Mom:It wants my location?! I don’t want it to know! That’s how hackers get you!”

Me: “Just say, ‘Don’t Allow.’ It’ll be fine.”

Mom: “Now it wants access to my phone contacts? Honey, this is a scam!”

Me: “No, it’s not, Mom. They ask for that so you can add people who are already in your contacts. Just say, ‘Don’t Allow.’ I’ll add you via username.”

(Getting her signed up takes WAY more time than it should, but she is finally good to go. I send her a picture of the kitty to test it out and she manages to open it.)

Mom: “Hey, it disappeared.”

Me: “Yeah, the picture only lasts for as long as the timer is set for.”

Mom:What? What’s the point of sending pictures if I don’t get to keep them?”

Me: “So we can save on memory in our phone. Also, you can—”

Mom: “My phone is running so slow now! I knew I downloaded a virus!”

(My mom uninstalled Snapchat a few days later, still claiming her phone was messed up because of it. This experience taught me to be thankful for the fact I don’t work in IT, and also showed me that we should be able to tip IT workers for the amount of s*** they go through!)

Not A Grand Way To Put It

, , , , , | Related | November 20, 2017

(I have been going through some health issues; so, because I’m a single mom, my parents have stepped in to help with my daughter in a big way. Note that my little brother and sister are 13 and 15 years younger than I am.)

Me: “I really appreciate everything you do for my kid, but I feel really bad that you are paying for her private school, dance classes, swim classes, and you want to sign her up for Hebrew and piano.”

Mom: “Oh, it’s fine. Besides, your little sister likes girls, your brother is your brother, so… yeah… And you are at least smart enough to never get married or pregnant again, so she’s probably going to be the only grandkid.”

Me: “Thanks?”

Ice See No Problem Here

, , , , , | Related | November 19, 2017

(A popular ice cream brand has just recalled their product due to contamination concerns. The ice cream is unavailable through the summer, but is finally restocked at stores near me at the start of November. I send a text message to my mother, a huge fan of the brand, at 7:30 am.)

Me: “[Brand] ice cream is back in stores as of today!”

Mom: “I already bought two…”

Mom: “An hour ago…”

Mom: “I don’t have a problem.”

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