The Competition Is Soft

, , , , | Related | June 24, 2017

(I’m playing a competitive multi-player online game on my laptop. My nephew, eight to nine years old, shows up and decides to watch me. He’s at the age where he’s earnestly trying to play well, but doesn’t.)

Nephew: “Can I play?”

Me: “No. This game is too hard for you.” *as in too difficult for someone his age*

Nephew: “Oh. Do you have a soft game?”

Me: “…”

The Ball Avoids Other Balls

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2017

(My younger son, about eight at the time, is playing baseball and is currently the catcher, the first time he has played that position. Pitch comes in, batter fouls it back, the ball going directly between his legs. He falls over on his side. Even in the stands we can hear the ball hit the protective cup. The crowd takes a collective breath out of pity.)

Coach: “[Son], you okay? Did the ball hit you in the nuts?”

Son: *angrily, and in tears* “NO! I got hit in the penis!”

(Cue a bit of laughing from players, spectators, and even the umpire. The batter shakes my son’s hand, and he finishes the inning.)

Naming: And Bob’s Your Uncle!

, , , , | Related | June 23, 2017

(This was toward the beginning of the year. Due to being born premature, my daughter hasn’t started talking too much. As per instructions by both her speech therapists, we are advised to keep talking to her, and repeating words back to model. We are doing such a thing when she decides we need a second word.)

Me: “Yeah!”

Daughter: “Yeah!”

Me: “Yeah!”

Daughter: “Yeah!”

Me: “Yeah!”

Daughter: “Bob.”

Me: *laughing* “Where did that come from!?”

Husband: “Did she just say Bob?”

Me: “Who’s Bob?”

(Bob is her toy bunny. Apparently she decided to name him right then and there.)

Not An Ally

, , , , , | Related | June 23, 2017

Between the ages of 13-15 I began to realize I was attracted to women as well as men (I am female) but had no one to talk about it in my family, which is extremely religious with southern roots, and not very accepting.

I would always hear the adults badmouthing anyone “different” and saying they should “get what they deserved.” It scared me into being what they all thought a little girl should be and pretty much just keeping quiet, I honestly never spoke to my mom much unless I had some medical issue I couldn’t solve on my own because she was the worst and always told me that a little girl should be “seen and not heard.” My “being good” earned me the love and affection of the adults in the family and they all fawned over me and babied me as long as I was well behaved and fit the image they had grown accustomed to.

As a child I had a close relationship with my first cousins, my dad’s sister’s kids, and when I was about 15, I broke down and told my aunt’s oldest daughter over the phone that I was attracted to women. She was stunned into silence but seemed accepting. I felt relieved. I thought I finally had someone to talk to.

A few mornings later, my mom storms into my room, rips my cell phone off the charger and rips the computer modem out off the wall, then leaves. I think maybe I left some chore undone and quickly get out of bed, scrambling to find out what it is, while my mom watches me silently.

Soon she calls me into the living room and produces my missing cell phone, then demands I dial the number to a girl I like, whose name I previously mentioned to my cousin. She speaks to the girl’s mother and makes me listen as her parents began screaming at her. She gets the mother’s attention and tells her “If your daughter ever calls my daughter again, I’ll call the cops and send my daughter to a girls’ home.”

I have no idea what a girls’ home is but I am already freaked out and don’t want to find out. Turns out my cousin relayed our conversation to my aunt who called my mom and the rest of our family, making sure to cover all family in THREE STATES. Everyone went ballistic, my mom threatened me, my dad threatened the other girl, and the phone was ringing off the hook with calls from nosy family members.

Fast forward to last year. My same aunt’s middle daughter is discovered to be a closeted lesbian with a girlfriend and a slew of pictures of the two of them all over social media, some involving little to no clothing. Before anyone can say a word, my aunt loses it and goes on this tirade about how everyone should mind their own business and is suddenly the worlds biggest supporter of LGBTQ+ rights. Of course no one says anything because “Everyone knows how [Aunt] is when it comes to her kids.” So everything gets swept under the rug.

Dude, f*** this family.

Couldn’t Have Written It Any Clearer

, , , , | Related | June 22, 2017

(I have been writing fiction for almost twelve years now, and would love to get something published. Until then, and having just graduated college, I am searching for a job while still trying to balance my writing. I have recently adopted a schedule of writing for an hour a day before dinner, as a way to keep focused and not get too burned out from job hunting.)

Me: “Okay, now to do some writing.”

Mom: “Apply to five jobs first.”

Me: “No… writing is more important right now.”

Mom: “Why? There’s no money in writing.”

(Thanks for letting me know after twelve years what you really think of my dreams, mom.)

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