Grandma Is Hooked

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Related | May 29, 2017

(My grandmother is gushing at a recent family event about how much she loves my liquid lipstick, so she asks me to help her find some before she goes on a cruise with my grandfather for their anniversary. I send her over some pictures of products to take to the local drug store so she’ll know what to look for. A few days later I get this call:)

Me: “Hey, Nanny.”

Grandmother: “Oh, hello! I just wanted to call to tell you, thank you so much for the pictures! They really helped and I got exactly what I wanted!”

Me: “No problem! So glad they were able to help.”

Grandmother: “Hopefully this will help me to get picked up on the street!”

Me: “…what?”

(The only conclusion my mother (whom I called immediately after) and I were able to come up with was that must have meant something different while she was growing up. Either that or she misspoke. Regardless, I’m starting to see my grandmother in a whole new light.)

The Cat Caught Your Dog’s Tongue

| England, UK | Related | May 28, 2017

(It’s summer. I’m upstairs; my family and dog are downstairs. When my sister opens the front door to bring in some bags, it takes about two minutes, and then my dog starts barking at the stairs.)

Mum: “What’s wrong?” *dog stares at the top step; my mum sees nothing* “Silly girl.”

(After about five minutes of this repeating, I head downstairs, when I spot green eyes staring at me from the landing window ledge as a walk down, I quickly walk back up.)

Me: “Mum, when did we get a cat?”

Mum: “We don’t have one?”

Me: “We do now!”

(The cat snuck in when no one was looking, except for the dog, which explained her barking. We took the cat outside and it still tries to sneak in years later.)

Mommed To Death

| MN, USA | Related | May 27, 2017

(Every year, my family spends a weekend at a cabin with my parents’ college roommates and their families. My mom’s roommate married my dad’s roommate, so everyone is close. Having grown up doing this and seeing them at other events as well, everyone is like aunts/uncles/cousins to me. I am the second youngest of the children, and one year, the only one of my generation to come to the cabin. While everyone is walking up a hill, I trip over a tree root and send my glasses flying. Everyone starts talking at once.)

Aunt #1: “[My Name]! are you okay?”

Uncle #2: “Here are your glasses? Or do you want me to clean them? They fell in the dirt.”

Mom: “I have bandages in my purse back at the cabin. Did you get a scrape?”

Aunt #2: “Do you need to go back in and get cleaned up? Do you need to sit down?”

Aunt #3: “Did you twist your ankle? I bet if you put your foot in the lake you’ll feel better; it’s very cold!”

Uncle #1: *roughly helps me to my feet and brushes dirt off of my pants legs*

Me: “This is what happens when you have eight parents and one kid! I’m being mommed to death!”

(After seeing I was okay, everyone burst out laughing.)

Banana Drama

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Related | May 26, 2017

(Most of my cousins are older than me. They would love to tease me as I was growing up because I was easily embarrassed and quite shy. As I got to my teens and started developing, the teasing got a bit inappropriate. I am watching TV with one of my cousins, a 20-plus-year-old male. I’ve just peeled a banana and have just put it into my mouth. I used to like to drag my teeth along it without taking a bite.)

Cousin: “[My Name], you are going to make some man very happy one day.”

Me: *looking up and taking the banana from my mouth* “What?”

Cousin: “With those boobs and that banana sucking talent you got going there.”

Me: *looks him straight in the eye, pushes the banana back into my mouth, and bites down hard*

Cousin: *flinches* “Ouch. Maybe not.”

Me: *nods and goes back to eating my banana*

Asian Americans On: Worst Ass Whooping

| Related | May 26, 2017

Asian Americans On: Worst Ass Whooping they’ve received from their parents!
By: Jimmy Zhang @ https://www.facebook.com/Jimbaslice/
What’s the worst punishment you’ve received from your parents?
Were they Always Right?

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