He Had Bad Techer’s

, , , , , | Related | October 21, 2018

(Dad and I are out shopping when I notice something in the home decor area.)

Me: “Look at this holiday ornament, Dad. It says, ‘Teacher’s make the world brighter.’”

Dad: “That’s a nice gift.”

Me: “No, no, Dad. Look at the word, ‘teacher’s.’”

Dad: “Oh, yeah.”

Me: “What a mistake, right?”

Dad: “Yeah, there’s an A in there. There shouldn’t be.”

Seems Like An Appropriate Response For A Spider

, , , , | Related | October 20, 2018

(Being height-impaired, I usually call for my dad when I spy a ceiling critter.)

Me: “Dad, there’s a giant spider on the ceiling and I can’t reach it!”

Dad: “Hang on. I’m in the basement.”

(Dad comes upstairs carrying a shotgun.)

Me: “Uh… It’s not that big!”

Dad: “What? Oh, no! I was polishing the metal, and now I’m putting it back in the safe!”

Gotta Walk Tall In This Family

, , , | Related | October 19, 2018

(I’m 5’6″. My fiancée is 6’5″. I’m talking wedding arrangements with my soon-to-be sister-in-law, who is 6’0”.)

Sister-In-Law: “It’s a good thing we like you, because we’re wasting a perfectly good tall man on you, you shrimp!”

I’ll Be In The Naturists Department

, , , , , | Related | October 19, 2018

(My brother and I, both adults, have agreed to go shopping with our mother. My brother tells her he wants to go look at something in a different department and will catch back up with us.)

Mom: “Okay, that’s fine. I’ll be in clothes.”

Brother: *without missing a beat* “Well, I certainly hope so!”

Not A Ghost Of A Chance Of Winning This Argument

, , , , , | Related | October 18, 2018

(This is after my mother announces that she’s going to buy me a copy of the all-women “Ghostbusters” for my birthday, a movie we saw together in theaters and really liked.)

Dad: “Oh, come on! That movie BOMBED. It was the WORST Ghostbusters movie, hands down.”

Me: “Dad, everyone knows the second movie was the worst one.”

Dad: “Have you even SEEN Ghostbusters 2?”

Me: “Nope, and you haven’t seen the reboot. See how ridiculous you sounded?”

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