Not Free From Child Free

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 11, 2019

(I am a freshman at a university in Utah. My university’s library has three floors. Even though it is a college library, students who are parents still bring their kids along with them. A lot of the time, these parents can’t control their kids or just don’t care to. Normally, though, the top floor is supposed to be kid-free, so I go there. It’s midterms, and I am trying my best to finish a six-page paper, when suddenly a mother brings in three of her kids, sits down, and starts working. After around ten minutes her kids start running around, making fart noises, and screaming. I try my best to focus and ignore them; I even get up and move to the opposite side of the library. The kids continue to run around, wreaking complete havoc, for thirty minutes. When I’m finally done, I walk over to the mother at the table where she’s just typing away at her laptop with her headphones in. I tap on her shoulder.)

Me: “Miss, are these your kids?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Me: “You realize the third floor is supposed to be kid-free, right?”

Woman: “Yeah.”

Me: “And?”

Woman: “I don’t care. The only spot I could find downstairs didn’t have a place for me to charge my laptop.”

(I manage to glance at her battery, and she’s full.)

Me: “Well, I know you have headphones in so you can’t tell, but your kids have been running around creating a lot of noise and just being distracting.”

Woman: “Well, I didn’t manage to get a sitter.”

Me: “So, you just thought, ‘Let’s bring them to a university library and distract everyone else during one of the most stressful times of the semester.’?”

Woman: “I have to study.”

Me: “Yeah. And the twenty other people up here also have to. I get that being a parent and going to school is rough, but this floor is supposed to be child-free. I’m sorry you want to keep your laptop plugged in even when it’s fully charged, but please be courteous and think about those of us who came here to get away from children.”

Woman: *now looking pissed off* “You have no idea what I am going through!”

Me: “I have three nieces that live with me at home that produce a lot of noise. I come here to get away from that and focus. I would never be so selfish as to bring them here. Please, be courteous and go to one of the other two floors.”

Woman: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. You’re not in charge.”

Me: “Fine. I’ll go talk to one of the librarians who will tell you to leave.”

Woman: “Fine.”

(She left, but before she did, she screamed out, “F*** you, bitch!” I just laughed and said, “What a great example you are for your kids.”)

Winning That Race

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 11, 2019

(Some coworkers and I are having our break in a lunchroom. It’s quiet in the lunchroom with some music softly playing. We’ve had a stressful, hectic morning, so we’re fine just eating our food and relaxing. Two women and a six- or seven-year-old boy come in and sit down at a table on the other end of the lunchroom. Within a minute, the boy gets up and starts running up and down the lunchroom with his arms spread, making noises like he’s a jet fighter. With every turn he makes he increases his volume to the point where he is screaming. The two women don’t notice this because they are completely absorbed in their phones. My Indian coworker grabs the boy by the arm as he passes our table again screaming at the top of his voice. In a quiet voice, my coworker tells the boy to sit down and shut up or he’ll take him to the toilets and flush him. The boy starts crying and one of the women comes storming at our table. When she’s near enough to hear him, my Indian coworker says:)

Coworker: “And that, my boy, is the reason why it is not nice to call people like me a brown ape.”

(The woman’s face turns red, she pulls the boy away from my coworker, and she leaves the place with her friend in a hurry. My coworker smiles and just says:)

Coworker: “Ah, peace. The most precious thing in our society.”

A Bill So High It’s Cartoonish

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2019

(I work in a payment collection call center for a cable company.)

Me: *goes through intro script and reads off current balance*

Customer: “Why is my bill so g**d*** high?!”

Me: “Just a moment, miss. Let me pull up your bill.” *does, and sees a stunningly long list of pay-per-view purchases* “Miss, it seems like the primary contributor to your balance is a large quantity of pay-per-view orders.”

Customer: “What pay-per-view orders?! I didn’t order any pay-per-view stuff!”

Me: “Well, let me read off the order list to you, and tell me if you recognize any of this.”

(I read the list. It’s full of “Spongebob,” “Peppa Pig,” and Disney Princess movies.)

Customer: “Wait. Are you telling me those orders are nothing but cartoons?”

Me: “That appears to be the case, yes.”

(The customer heaves a gigantic, trembling sigh. I brace myself for auditory pain.)

Customer: “Just a moment, please.”

(I hear her put the phone down and dial a cell phone. There’s silence for a moment.)

Customer: “[Husband]? Do you have any idea WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER DID?!”

(Apparently, this customer’s seven-year-old daughter ordered about thirty pay-per-view cartoons without her parents’ knowledge or consent. Needless to say, the customer asked to speak to the billing department.)

This Is A Hug(e) Issue

, , , , , , , | Friendly | February 7, 2019

(I am out shopping when a young girl, maybe four or five years of age, runs up to me and hugs my leg. A woman is following her.)

Woman: “[Girl], come on, we need to finish shopping for Grandma’s party!”

Girl: “No! I want to stay here!”

Woman: “This is ridiculous.”

(She grabs the girls arm and the girl makes an ear-splitting scream. The woman lets go and huffs.)

Woman: “You don’t mind.” *walks away*

Me: *shouting after her* “I do mind, actually!”

(I manage to get the attention of a worker, who tries to bring the woman back while I try to get the girl off me. When the woman returns, she starts shouting at me and the other workers who have been trying to help.)

Woman: “In what world do you live in where you think it is appropriate to handle a little girl like this?!”

Me: “In what world do you think it’s okay to leave a little girl with a man you don’t know?!”

(She blushed and tried grabbing the girl again. The girl started screaming again and kicking me. By this time the police had been alerted, and once the girl was successfully removed and calmed down, I was questioned on why I was letting all of this happen. Thanks to the workers in the store, and the woman who at this point was absolutely hysterical, I was free to go after it was discovered the woman had taken her niece out without the girl’s mother’s permission, who had actually made a call to the police about the girl being missing.)

We’ll Assume He Got Up In The Afternoon

, , , , , , | Related | January 9, 2019

(My husband is singing nursery rhymes to our eighteen-month-old son. He starts singing:)

Husband: “It’s raining, it’s pouring! The old man is snoring. He went to bed and bumped his head… and died.”

Me: *starts laughing*

Husband: “What? It’s implied!”

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