Rudolph Needs To Get Himself On Twitter

, , , , , , , | Right | December 25, 2019

(The restaurant I work at is currently selling stuffed dogs for charity. Earlier, a man bought one and asked me to give it to the first kid that came in. Later, another man shows up with a six- to seven-year-old boy. I decide to try to make things more fun.)

Me: “Hey, can you answer a question for me? If you get it right, there’s a prize!”

Kid: “Yeah!”

Me: “Okay, great! Now, what reindeer has a glowing red nose?”

Kid: “Santa’s reindeer!”

(I gave him the toy.)

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Children Are A High Priority

, , , | Right | December 15, 2019

(I’m sitting inside a fast food place, eating my fries, when a mother and her young daughter, who have just gotten their food, pass my table trying to find a place to sit.)

Mother: *pointing* “Let’s sit over there by the window.”

Young Daughter: *throwing hands up in the air* “I want the high chair!”

Mother: “No, you don’t need a high chair.”

Young Daughter: *throwing hands up in the air* “It makes me higher!

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Children Should Know The Condom-Minimum

, , , , , , | Working | December 13, 2019

(I am on summer vacation in Southern Italy to visit family and go to the beach. One day, two of my aunts entrust me with three cousins to go visit the nearby city. After a long day spent visiting a few attractions and window shopping, we are about to head home, but the youngest cousin really wants some soda, so I decide to stop at a tiny convenience store to buy him his drink, as well as a few things for me. As I pick up the items, the other two cousins, a boy and a girl of roughly the same age, patiently wait for me at the checkout. The cashier notices that their eyes have been attracted by a small rack of condoms. Note that my cousins are nine or ten years old at the time.)

Cashier: *in a sweet voice* “Oh, looking at those pretty boxes, eh? But do you know what are they for?”

Female Cousin: *proudly* “Of course! They’re for when you don’t want babies!”

Male Cousin: “Or if you want to prevent AIDS.”

(The cashier’s face crumpled up like a used tissue as she recoiled, before raising her head to shoot daggers at me, just as I’m putting down my things.)

Me: “All right, [Female Cousin] and [Male Cousin], you get back to the car with [Younger Cousin]; I’m going to come soon.”

Male Cousin: “Roger!”

(As [Female Cousin] takes [Younger Cousin]’s hand and follows [Male Cousin] speeding off to the car, I start bagging things. The cashier is glaring at me.)

Cashier: “Are they your children?”

Me: “No, I’m their cousin. Why do you ask?”

Cashier: *grimacing* “Ugh, their parents must be really f****** revolting; kids shouldn’t know what a condom is.”

Me: “As long as they don’t get first-hand experience… why not?”

Cashier: “Oh, so you think there’s nothing wrong with children screwing? Is that what you’re telling me, you disgusting piece of trash?”

Me: *taken aback* “I don’t know what the f*** you are trying to say. I just said that nothing’s wrong with children knowing what a condom is.”

Cashier: “If they know what a condom is and what it’s for, they know how to use it. How can you think it’s not sick that their parents taught them how to put condoms on?”

Me: “Look. I don’t have time for this. They just said what a condom is, not how to use it. Now let me just pay for this before I lose my s***.”

(The cashier grumbled loudly about my uncles being “disgusting child rapists” and blatantly did the “I’m watching you” gesture at me as I left the store. Nothing came out of it, and I sincerely doubt anyone at the police station gave her the time of day, assuming she even cared enough.)

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This Is Why The Theater Is Dying

, , , , , | Friendly | December 8, 2019

My partner and I go see the 7:10 showing of Maleficent and, as we rarely go to the movies due to many bad experiences in the past, we decide to make this experience nicer by purchasing an expensive tray consisting of popcorn, two drinks, and two candies. We have assigned seating and purposely choose the row behind the handicap seats as we figure most people like to sit much further back.

A family with children comes in and sits directly behind us. One of the children starts hanging all over the seats and kicking our seats. I keep looking back at them hoping the “mother” will get him to knock it off. 

This continues all the way through the end of the movie. When the movie ends, I get up and look at her and say sarcastically, “Great job controlling your child.” She tells me to turn around — signs of a s***ty parent there. 

I wish I had gotten a manager when the child first started up.

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The Only Thing Broken Is Her Parenting  

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2019

(I am on break when this happens but my manager tells me about this. She and a coworker are working in the backroom, organizing and labelling boxes. A child opens the door and throws a mug at them.)

Mother Of Child: “Did the mug break?”

Manager: “No, but—”

Mother Of Child: “Oh, good. We don’t have to pay for it, then. Come along, [Child].”

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