My partner and I have befriended a nine-year old and her dad, who are regulars at the same café as us.
Dad: *Gives longer but reasonable answer to one of our questions.*
Nine-Year-Old: “You know what, Dad, you are being really boring right now.”
Dad: “You still have another four years until you are a teenager, you should think I’m cool still!”
When my son was almost potty-trained and also going to day care, I came to pick him up one day to find a completely distraught daycare owner.
Daycare Owner: “Your son peed on the floor, and he did it on purpose!”
Me: “I will speak with him.”
Later, I do so:
Me: “Your teacher said you didn’t make it to the potty.
Son: *Sadly.* “I know.”
Me: “She said that you did it on purpose.”
Son: *Very sincerely.* “Oh, no, Mama. I did it on the floor.”
A woman walks up to me at the host stand:
Customer: “[Name], reservation for four.”
Me: “I see that, but you didn’t mention you’d be bringing children.”
I count four adult women and six kids in strollers.
Customer: “Oh, you can squeeze in a few small kids. It’ll be fine. We want a seat on the patio.”
Me: “The patio is small, and we have one table that can accommodate six at the most.”
Customer: “We can make it work.”
I bring them outside and show them the table.
Customer: “Well, this four-seater here can be moved next to this one, and—”
Me: “—I’m afraid I can’t do that. The tables have heavy marble tops, and the umbrellas going through the middle of the table have stone block bases. They’re too heavy for us to move.”
Customer: “You’re not even going to try? Get someone to help you! What about moving that other table? That doesn’t have an umbrella!”
Me: “Also, as per county fire code, there needs to be a four-foot fire lane between here and the exit. We can’t move any of these tables.
Customer: “Hmph. Fine. Bring us six highchairs.”
Me: “They will not fit, ma’am.”
Customer: “Well then, we’ll go back and get the strollers from the front.”
Me: “Then they’ll be blocking the four-foot fire lane. You can’t bring them onto the patio.”
Customer: “You’re not being very accommodating! Get your manager!”
My manager steps outside and is brought up to speed.
Manager: “Everything that has been said by [My Name] is correct.”
Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for us?”
Manager: “There is! I can advise you that in the future, when making a booking for four people, do not bring ten.”
It was really funny watching four moms hold six kids while eating dinner! Most fun I’ve had on a Sunday night in a while!
Some boys were roughhousing a little bit near a fossilized dinosaur exhibit. One of them throws his water bottle at the other, sending some water spraying. Their mom immediately scolds them, and to her credit, approaches me to admit what happened:
Customer: “I’m so sorry, my sons were tussling, and they spilled a water bottle over the dinosaur bones.”
Me: “Thank you for letting us know. As long as the boys remain well-behaved for the duration of their visit, that should be okay.”
Customer: “But… the dinosaur won’t come back to life, will it?”
Me: “Uh… ma’am?”
Customer: “It’s dangerous to, you know, hydrate the dinosaurs, right? It brings them back to life?”
Me: “Ma’am, that is not even close to accurate. Also, these aren’t bones; these are fossils, which are made of mineral and stone in the shape of the bones.”
Customer: “Oh! So that’s why they won’t come back to life. They’re not the real bones.”
Me: “I… uh, ma’am, they wouldn’t come back to life even if they were real bones.”
Customer: “I don’t think so. I saw it on some video on YouTube, and no offense, but you just work in a museum.”
I was left dumbfounded. I will forever remember the woman who thought dinosaur fossils could be rehydrated back to life like a succulent.
When my son was being potty trained, when he said he had to go, he had to GO! We were shopping in a strip mall when he made his announcement.
We went into the nearest store and were told that they didn’t have a public restroom, even if it was for a two-year-old being trained, and we would have to go to the other end of the strip to find a store that did. I was irritated but realized it wasn’t her rule, so off we rushed, and we made it… barely.
Later, I told my brother the story (he was also potty training a son, so he could relate) and he said:
Brother: “Well, did you ask her if they had a public mop?”
Wish I could think that fast!
