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Best If You Button Your Lip

, , , , , , , , | Related | October 24, 2021

I went to Germany for work-related purposes and ended up falling in love with and marrying a girl who had a very charming eight-year-old daughter.

My birthday came along, and my wife bought me a Playstation 2. In this boxed set, it included a karaoke game and a pair of microphones. Upon my unwrapping of the gift, the little girl’s face lit up and she begged me to let her play with it. As it turned out, singing, dancing, and talent shows were her ultimate passion.

That child loved that karaoke game — to the point where I ironically ended up just putting the console in her room and even more ironically would have to ask her from time to time if I could play my game! Otherwise, you would constantly hear her (along with her cousin) singing her heart out all throughout the day. I bought her a few more karaoke-related games, and it made her all the happier.

One day, I was babysitting her and her cousin. They set up a little “talent show” in our living room and asked me to watch their performance. I gladly obliged.

With bright glowing smiles — and neither one of them understanding a single word of English — they started the song and began passionately performing The Pussycat Dolls’ “Buttons”. If you are not familiar with that song, Google the lyrics.

And then, picture two eight-year-old girls singing that in front of a grown man while he turns four shades of red and begs them to switch the track to something else. What made it even funnier was how mortified they looked when I ended up interrupting the performance, and when they asked, “Do we sound that bad?”

That’s Just Plain Weird. And Gross.

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: spam1424 | October 18, 2021

I’m a waitress at a restaurant chain known for their ice cream. I have a semi-regular family that comes in every once in a while. Every time they come in, they order their youngest child mac and cheese. The first time I served them, the child threw up all over the booth. I didn’t think much of it, just that he was sick or had an upset stomach. I cleaned up the booth. The next time was the same thing. Mac and cheese and then puke — again, in the booth and on the table.

This happens every time: the kid orders mac end cheese and then throws up. The kid never gets to the bathroom, and most the time he doesn’t even make an attempt to leave the table.

This most recent time they came in and I was their waitress, the child went to order mac and cheese again.

Me: *To the mom* “Is he okay to have that? He gets sick every time.”

Mom: “Oh, yeah, mac and cheese makes him sick, but he wants it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I don’t think your child should order this if you know he’s going to puke from eating it. And quite frankly, I really don’t want to have to clean up vomit tonight.”

The mom threw a bit of a fit.

Me: “Why are you allowing your child to order a food that makes him sick, just to have someone else clean it up?”

The manager came over and agreed with me. The kid’s mom ordered him chicken tenders and fries, instead.

Shopping Follows The Circle Of Life

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2021

We’re a popular outlet and it’s a Saturday, so it’s beyond crowded. A panicked parent has approached my manager; she’s lost her son and has given a description.

Manager: *Via headset* “All right, team, we’re looking for [Child], three years old, [description of clothes]. His mother is here and he is not accompanied by other adults!”

Doors are shut, music is turned off, and my manager climbs on a waist-level shelf and starts talking LOUD.

Manager: Attention shoppers! We’re looking for a young boy, wearing a black [Brand] shirt, blue shorts, and white [Brand] shoes, with blonde hair. Again, we’re looking for—”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

He holds up a child perfectly matching the description, “The Lion King” style.

Little Boy: “HELLO! I am looking for my mum? She is tall and blonde and has a large purse, but I am not allowed to say her name to strangers!”

Mother and son were reunited and shopping resumed. We got glowing reviews from several shoppers.

A Jump, A Fall, And A Lesson

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: alikissjoy | October 16, 2021

I’m working the desk at a hotel and a mom brings her hysterically crying ten- to twelve-year-old daughter to the desk.

Mom: “Tell her what you did.”

Daughter: *Between sobs* “I jumped up in the hallway and slapped the exit sign and it fell down.”

Mom: “My daughter’s going to pay to replace it. I want her to learn from her actions and take responsibility for it.”

I know it’s in our hotel nature to say it’s okay or no problem, but I know this is important to her mom.

Me: *To the daughter* “Thank you for coming and telling me what you did. Why did you choose do that?”

Daughter: “I thought it would be fun. I never thought it would fall off!”

Me: “Will you ever do that again?”

Daughter: “No, never. I’m so sorry.”

Me: “Let’s go check out the sign. If there is a fire, then guests may not be able to see where the exit was without it, and it could be very dangerous.”

The three of us go to the hallway. Upon inspecting the sign, it isn’t broken at all. I am able to put it back up and it works perfectly.

Me: “Luckily, there was no damage, so there is no cost you have to pay to replace it. I’m proud of you for taking responsibility for what you did.”

Mom: “I’m proud of you, too.”

We often deal with such negativity and naughty adults and children on the job. I was so happy that a child owned up to her mistake — with a firm nudge from mom — and that there was no harm to the hotel.

Feeling Troubled Leads To Trouble

, , , , , | Related | October 16, 2021

Three-Year-Old: “I’M IN TROUBLE!”

Spouse: “What’s going on?”

Me: “She’s upset because I won’t go play with her upstairs.”

Spouse: “Is she in trouble?”

Me: “No, she’s upset to the same degree she is upset when she gets herself into trouble. She thinks that ‘in trouble’ means the level of upset she feels when I tell her she’s in trouble, not the consequences of that level of upset.”

Spouse: “Ah.”

Me: “Give her a minute. If she and I can’t come to an agreement on a place to play that doesn’t involve deadlifting children, she’ll start shouting and get into actual trouble instead of just feeling like it.”