Don’t Rain On Their Entitlement Parade

, , , , | Friendly | December 7, 2017

(I am waiting on a holiday parade to start. There are police officers on crowd-control duty and barriers set up to keep the parade route clear. Across the street, the sidewalk has been reserved for VIPs of the company sponsoring the parade. Despite the barricades on either side of the street, people keep coming up to ask the cops to let them cross. Some are understanding when told no, but the majority argue back and get mad and rude. Some of us strike up a conversation with the officer standing nearby, and she tells us she’s been doing this event for years.)

Man: “Do people get mad like that all the time?”

Officer: “Oh, yeah. One guy actually told me, ‘I hope your kids are dying across the street one day and you aren’t allowed to cross to them!'”

Man: “What? Was his kid dying?”

Officer: “No, he had just gotten here late and wanted a better spot that he saw in the ticket-holder area, and I told him it wasn’t general admission.”

Don’t Have High Hopes For A Police State

, , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I moved to the area about six months ago from a different state and, unfortunately, my tags expired in month four. When I research the cost of registering my car in my new state, it comes to $1,500. I don’t have the money presently, so I am planning on waiting until April to register my car with my tax return money. Unfortunately, I get pulled over in March.)

Police: “I am bound by law to inform you that, for your safety, we are being audibly and visually recorded.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Police: “Did you know your tags are expired?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Police: “Why haven’t you registered your car in [State] yet?”

Me: “I am planning on registering it when my tax return comes in. At the moment, I don’t have the $1,500 that it costs to register a vehicle in [State].”

Police: “I understand. So, why didn’t you just renew it in [State I moved from]?”

Me: “Well, I don’t have an address there, so, unfortunately, I can’t.”

(She walks away and writes me a ticket. When she comes back…)

Police: “Here is your ticket. I should have your car towed, but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’ll get your car registered soon. Next time, just renew your tags in [State I moved from].”

(For those of you not in the USA, renewing your registration in a state where you do not reside is considered fraud.)

Should Have Used Shark Repellant

, , , , , , | Related | November 21, 2017

(When my older brother was a kid he would present incriminating evidence against himself whenever he’d lie about misbehaving. My mom’s favorite instance is when, for whatever reason, he and our cousin are throwing their toys at the neighbors house and the neighbor calls the police.)

Cop: “Have you seen any kids throwing toys around here?”

Brother & Cousin: “Nope, not around here!”

Cop: “Well, there’s a lady down the road that says she has a Batman on her roof and she thinks a kid around here may have thrown it up there.”

Brother: “I didn’t throw the Batman; that was [Cousin]. I threw a shark.”

(We never let him forget it.)

You’re Chalk And They’re Cheese(d Off)

, , , , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(I work as a parking enforcement officer for a police department while I’m attending college. One of my duties is to enforce the three-hour time requirement in a parking lot. As my partner and I are marking tires with chalk, a lady pulls in and parks her car, but instead of going to shop, she stands there and watches us. When my partner marks her tire, she leaps in her car and drives to a different spot, causing the mark to be erased. She sits in her car and flips us off and waits until we leave. Before we go though, we snap a cellphone picture of her car parked in the marked spot, making sure to catch the spot number and the license plate. Three and a half hours later, we return and ticket her car as well as several others. As we’re leaving, the lady comes rushing out, furious.)

Lady: “Excuse me! Why was I given a ticket?”

Partner: “This is a three-hour lot, ma’am, and you’ve been parked here for nearly four.”

Lady: “No, no, no! I moved my car when I was on my lunch. I work at [Store nearby].”

Me: “Do you have a local work permit exempting you from the three-hour rule?”

(The city gives these out for free as long as the worker can prove employment.)

Lady: “No! Why would I get one of those? You guys should just know that I work here and not ticket me!”

Partner: “I’m sorry, but we have no way of knowing that without the permit.”

Lady: “You need to take the ticket back; there’s no chalk mark.”

Partner: “Oh, no, we didn’t chalk your tire. We took a picture of your car parked in that exact spot at [time she parked].”

Lady: “Oh, really? What spot was I in and what’s my plate, then?”

Partner: “[Spot number] and [plate number].”

Lady: “F*** you both! You guys aren’t supposed to catch on to me. I specifically waited for you guys to chalk my tire so I could park here all day!” *storms off, mad*

(My partner and I shrugged at each other and moved on.)

So Cute You Could Just Eat Them Up

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2017

(I work on a college campus as a dispatcher for the campus police. The college is small and backs right up to a mountain and desert area so there can be wildlife. It also has a larger number of international students. One evening I am at work and my sergeant on duty is going over paperwork in the office when I get a panicked, hysterical 911 call.)

Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

Caller: *with a heavy accent* “Oh, oh, oh, please! You have to help! You have to help!”

(Adrenaline starts pumping; I can tell by her voice that she is truly terrified. My change of demeanor has my sergeant leaping up, ready to get out the door as soon as we have a location.)

Me: “Ma’am, please tell me where you are.”

Caller: “I’m in my car— I’ve locked the doors. Oh, my god, there are people walking around! They are going to get eaten!”

Me: *thinking: WTF, eaten?* “Ma’am, what is the emergency? Where are you parked?”

Caller: “It’s— There’s— It’s wild foxes! They are right here! By the [Building], just-just-just here!”

(My sergeant, who is listening but can’t be heard, loses it. She is cracking up so much and I have to stay professional sounding.)

Me: “Ma’am, did the foxes approach you in anyway? Are they following people around?”

Caller: “No; oh, god, is someone coming? There are people just out and they could get eaten!”

(My sergeant indicates that she will go so the other officers can complete their rounds.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, an officer is on there way. Foxes generally don’t eat people. It is okay.”

(My sergeant is there in about three minutes and then calls me less than ten minutes later, laughing so hard she is crying.)

Sarge: “[My Name]! They… they… they are just two baby foxes! Tiny cubs! Playing in the sprinklers… She locked the car and wouldn’t even roll down the window to talk to me! There are students taking pictures of the foxes. I finally got her to crack the window and convinced her she could drive away. BABY foxes!”

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