Not Dispatching That Information

| USA | Working | May 2, 2017

(It is the 1970s in a rural part of the U.S., before modern technology improved inter-agency communications. Telephone calls were still subject to long distance charges, and most small rural agencies depended upon a point-to-point radio channel to communicate with other nearby agencies. This is also long before all radio channels and telephone lines in dispatch centers were recorded. This also happens late at night when things are boring and more relaxed.)

Anonymous Dispatcher: *over the point-to-point radio frequency* “I’m going f****** crazy!”

(A few minutes pass:)

Anonymous Dispatcher: “I’m going f****** crazy!”

(A few more minutes pass:)

Anonymous Dispatcher: “I said, I’m going f****** crazy!”

Another Dispatcher: *from another town, with authority in his voice* “Station on frequency, identify yourself immediately!”

Anonymous Dispatcher: “I ain’t that f****** crazy!”

Don’t Drink And Drive Or You’ll Spill Jesus’ Blood

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | March 24, 2017

(As I am driving along in my squad car I see someone driving while drinking a water bottle full of a dark red liquid. I pull up next to them at a red light.)

Me: “Is that wine?”

Driver: “….d***, Jesus did it again.”

(I arrested her, needless to say.)

Prisoned In Pink

| USA | Working | February 21, 2017

(While visiting out of state, I see a police officer carrying a set of pink handcuffs. When I join my local police explorer group I bring my own set for the fun of it. The cuff holders on my belt for the most part obscure the cuffs from full view. This happens when I go on a couple of different ride-alongs.)

Officer #1: “You’ve got pink handcuffs? Keep those out of sight.”

Officer #2: “Pink handcuffs? Nice! If we arrest anyone tonight we’re using those!”

The Long And The Short Of It

| Switzerland | Working | January 12, 2017

(I lost my wallet with my identity card. I’ve spent four days searching everywhere but give up. Because of a possible identity theft I need to report this to the police so I can get a new identity card and mark the old one as lost.)

Me: “I have lost my wallet with my ID and need to file a report to get a new one. It’s possible that the wallet has been stolen.”

Police Officer #1: “How long has it been?”

Me: “I lost it four days ago and couldn’t find it anywhere.”

Police Officer #1: “It’s maybe a little bit too soon to file a report. Maybe it shows up again?”

Me: “Yeah, I know, but I need to get a new ID ASAP, so I have to do this.”

Police Officer #1: “Okay, wait here. Someone will come and help you.”

(After a while another officer shows up.)

Police Officer #2: “[My Name]? You have lost your wallet with your ID? How long has it been?”

Me: “Four days, I wanted to make sure I didn’t just lose it.”

Police Officer #2: “Four days?! That’s way too long to wait! You should have come here two days ago!”

Me: “…”

Secretary Providing (Breaking) Bad Service

| AB, Canada | Working | April 21, 2016

(My father’s friend has a remote hunting cabin on a corner of his property. One winter, he goes out to check on it only to find that some criminals have broken into it and set up a meth lab. Naturally, he calls the police. Not seeing it as an emergency, he calls the local RCMP detachment directly and talks to a secretary.)

Friend: “Yeah, I’m at [gives legal land location], and someone broke into my cabin and set up a meth lab.”

Secretary: “Oh, another one. Boys will be boys, am I right?”

Friend: “Um… yeah. Anyway, what should I do with all this drug stuff?”

Secretary: “Just gather it all up and throw it out.”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Secretary: “Yeah, this is so common these days; it’s really nothing to worry about. Just clean out your cabin and chuck it.”

Friend: “Don’t you need to send an officer out here to check it out?”

Secretary: “Well, if you’re THAT concerned about it, you can box it all up and bring it down to the station.”

Friend: “But… from what I’ve seen on the news, there could be all kinds of hazardous chemicals in there!”

Secretary: “Nonsense. You’ll be fine. Box up it and bring it down.”

Friend: “Okay.”

(Needless to say, my father’s friend was still rather concerned, so he decided to call 911 right away. The 911 operator was VERY concerned, and a couple of officers and a hazmat crew were soon on the scene.)

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