With A Good Reputation, Nothing Can Stop You!

, , , , , | Legal | August 3, 2021

I have worked at a well-known gas station in my small town for nearly ten years. One evening, I take a coworker home and take the back route home. At one point, there is a set of train tracks with a stop sign, and then about twenty yards away is another stop sign for the main road I need to be on. At this time, the stop sign for the train tracks cannot be seen at night because of a rubble pile, but I know it’s there and I always stop anyway.

Tonight, as I roll to a stop, I see police cars where my current street merges with the one I need to take. I think, “Oh. They have a drunk driver pulled over,” but when I pull up to the next stop sign, a female officer motions for me to stop and I realize it’s a sobriety checkpoint.

Me: “Sorry about popping my door open; my window doesn’t roll down.”

Officer: “No, that’s fine. Hey, why did you stop back at the tracks?”

Me: “Uh… there’s a stop sign there. I thought I was supposed to.”

Officer: “That is the best answer I have heard all night! Okay, so, do you have your license and insurance on you?”

Me: “Oh, sure! Just got my new insurance card today, actually!”

I unbuckle and begin to dig for my purse in the backseat of the car. I’ve barely turned in my seat when she speaks again.

Officer: “Hold on. I know you.”

Me: “You do?”

Officer: “Yeah! You’re the girl from [Gas Station] — the one who tells all those great jokes! We love you at the station! Sweetie, you head on. Drive carefully and have a nice night!”

Me: “Oh! Okay, thanks!”

I waved goodbye, got home, and walked into my bedroom… where I saw my wallet containing both my license and my new insurance card sitting on my desk.

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Well, SOMEONE Is Making Too Much Noise

, , , , , | Legal | July 24, 2021

I’m working from home when I hear a knock on the door.

Woman: “Your music is too loud.”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “Your music! I can hear it down the street!”

I strain my ears and I can just about hear the small Bluetooth speaker I have playing upstairs. It’s playing light rock, so it’s not as if it had swearing in it.

Me: “Look, it’s not loud and it’s not offensive. I’m allowed to play music.”

Woman: “No, you’re not! I don’t want to hear it anymore!”

Me: “Yeah, I have work to do.”

I shut the door and go back upstairs. I can see her dramatically waving her phone about and I’m pretty sure she is filming me. I ignore her, figuring she must be one sad, miserable individual to be like this.

Eventually, I get another knock at the door. It’s the police.

Policeman: “We’ve had a noise complaint. Could we have a chat?”

I invite them in and show them the tiny speaker I have been using. I show them that it couldn’t be anywhere near as bad as they’ve been told. I offer to give them copies of the CCTV, but they decline.

Policeman: “Thank you for your cooperation. I don’t see any reason to pursue this any further.”

Me: “What about the old woman?”

He thinks for a while and then sighs.

Policeman: “I will go around to speak with her. She has been raising complaints all summer. If she comes round again, tell her to speak to me, Officer [Policeman].”

He leaves and I think the matter is over, but a week later, I get another knock on the door. It’s her again.

Me: “What?”

Woman: “I told you your music is too loud. I called the police and they told me that they would arrest you if you did it again!”

Me: “Really? You mean Officer [Policeman]? I spoke to him, too, and he told me something very different!”

She goes white as a sheet and her mouth drops.

Woman: “Well, yes… Well, I… It’s still too loud!”

She scuttled away in a hurry. Thankfully, I didn’t see her again and got to work in peace.

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Sovereign Citizen, Stupid Coworker

, , , , , | Legal | July 12, 2021

I work in a nursing home. My coworker and I don’t get along very well, mostly due to personality conflicts. He’s a Sovereign Citizen, a group of people who think they are above the law due to old irrelevant documents that date back to pre-Civil War. I know little about the movement because I don’t like their attitude when it comes to the law and they just generally get on my nerves. My coworker is no exception. I work in a different department from him — I’m in housekeeping and he’s in maintenance — but we share a supervisor.

One day, said supervisor asked me to drive [Coworker] to a nearby gas station to fill up some gas cans for the building’s generators since they were nearly empty. Though I didn’t really want to drive [Coworker] anywhere, I agreed, since he didn’t have a car, and really, I can put up with him for a total of half an hour, right? Well, on the way back to the building after getting our cargo, I accidentally drove past a stop sign due to a brief lapse in my attention due to trying my hardest to ignore my coworker’s rambling.

Me: *Looking back for a second* “S***, I blew a stop sign.”

Coworker: *Waves a hand* “Eh, I drive past them all the time if I don’t see anyone else.”

Me: “Well, I try not to regardless. We got lucky that there was no one at that intersection. It’d be just my luck if I got pulled…”

Sure enough, when I looked at my rear-view mirror, there were blue lights, and the police cruiser that had shown up out of nowhere chirped its siren.

Me: “…over.”

I sighed and turned on my hazards, slowly pulled over to the side of the road, put my car in park, and started rolling my window down.

Coworker: “Don’t roll it down too far; you don’t need to—”

I interrupted him and rolled my window most of the way down.

Me: “[Coworker], I’m going to need you to stop right now, okay?”

Coworker: *Offended* “Hey, I’m just trying to help. They don’t own the roads. You’re just traveling—”

Me: “No, [Coworker], I’m driving, and I’m not putting up with your Sovereign Citizen, or Freeman of the Land, or whatever s*** today.”

I pulled out my license and then leaned over to open my glove box for my registration and insurance, but my coworker had pinned his knee to the door.

Me: “Move your knee so I can get my documents.”

Coworker: “No.”

Me: *Stares at him* “What? No, we’re not doing this right now.”

I looked back at the officer who had just arrived at my window, smiled politely, if strained, and opened my mouth to speak, but my coworker interjected.

Coworker: “He doesn’t have to give you anything! [My Name], keep your license. They’re just pulling you over because they have nothing better to do except bother people who are lawfully traveling—”

I shook my head, wide-eyed, at the cop, who looked at me with surprise at my passenger’s outburst, trying to communicate that I did not agree with anything my passenger was saying as he kept ranting about maritime law or something.

Me: “Here, take my license before he tries to grab it from me.” 

I held it out to the officer, outside of the window and out of my coworker’s reach.

Coworker: “Hey, stop! You don’t have to—”

I finally snapped and rounded on my coworker, screaming in his face.

Me: “Yes, I do! Shut the f*** up, [Coworker]! You’re not helping! Stop talking! I’m sick of your bulls*** and I’ve got half a mind to trespass you out of my f****** car! One more word, [Coworker], and I’ll tell this officer to drag you out in handcuffs! Now, MOVE YOUR F****** LEG!”

I glared, panting hard through my nose at my coworker, who stared right back, looking terrified, before he shrank back into the passenger seat and pulled his knee away from the glove compartment. I tugged it open, grabbed my documents with shaking hands, and turned back to the police officer, who stood patiently with his hand out, looking bemused but not otherwise. Red-faced and shaking, I handed over my documents.

Me: “Sorry about that, officer. Is this about the stop sign I blew back there?”

Officer: “No problem, sir, and yes. Just so you know, if you do trespass him out of your car, you would need to make a statement for us, which might take a little while longer.”

Me: “As long as I can call my supervisor and let him know I’ll take longer than expected, I’m fine with that.”

Officer: *Stepping back toward his cruiser* “Just give me a few minutes.”

Several minutes went by, and I didn’t even look at my coworker, but out of the corner of my eye, I could see that he was fidgeting and looking my way. I couldn’t tell if he was sulking or scared, but I took a swig of water and composed myself by the time the cop returned.

Officer: *Handing me back my documents* “I’m just going to give you a warning today. Promise me you’ll pay attention to those stop signs in the future, sir.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Thank you, and I promise.”

The officer wished me a good day, and I put my documents and the warning in the glove compartment and my wallet back in my pocket, and finally looked my coworker in the face. He looked back at me for a second and then turned away without making any effort to apologize or even look ashamed. He was put out.

The first chance I got, I went to my supervisor to report the interaction to him and told my side of the story first, including the fact that I swore at him and threatened to have him trespassed out of my car and potentially arrested. He was shocked at first, but I could tell he was thinking about the person [Coworker] was, and he let out a sigh, telling me that he would still hear [Coworker]’s side but that I likely wouldn’t get into trouble.

Sure enough, [Coworker] came to [Supervisor] with a similar story, though he claimed I threatened to shoot him on the side of the road, despite the fact that I don’t own a firearm. The next day, [Supervisor] approached me.

Supervisor: “[My Name], would you like to start training for a new position in maintenance that just opened up?”

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Time To Call The Actual Police

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2021

I once managed a Blockbuster Video. We had a customer that consistently came in and tried to get the staff to take a temp check. We had signs posted all over the register stating we don’t accept them. Sure enough, this genius tries again. I get called over so that I can explain to him AGAIN that we do not accept temp checks as he is well aware.

After eyeing me for a moment, he says:

Customer: “Maybe this will help.”

He then flashes his police badge.

Me: “Am I under arrest?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then that badge is of no help here.”

He did not get his way.

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Loyalty, Thy Name Is Dog

, , , , , , , | Legal | June 16, 2021

Police came and pulled a student out of my class, much to the interest of his classmates. He was informed that he was needed at his home immediately but was given no other information. The cops loaded the boy into the back of the cruiser, while his classmates looked on, and they went to the boy’s house.

When they arrived, this was the scene that greeted him. A group of cops was standing at the gate to the backyard, one with his sidearm drawn and pointing into the backyard. The boy was brought forward and he saw two men sitting in the tree in the backyard with his dog at the base watching them and growling softly.

Apparently, one of the men, actually a teenager, had hopped the fence and broken into the house and then proceeded to help himself to whatever took his fancy. As the burglar started to exit the house, a big white dog came charging out, barking at full volume, charging the teen into the backyard and up the tree. The dog had managed to close his jaws on the rear pocket of the teen’s jeans and turn out the entire panel; his wallet was located in this panel.

The dog heard the cops approaching as they responded to a neighbor reporting the break-in and had slunk back into his ambush spot. The cops saw the teen in the tree and one jumped the fence to arrest him. Out came the dog again, barking at full volume. The officer ended up in the same tree as the teen.

The other officers were trying to decide what to do when, as it’s a small town, one was sent to collect the boy from school. The officer with the drawn sidearm was getting set to “end the situation” when the boy appeared. The boy was asked to control the situation, which he did. He walked into the backyard and called the dog to his side. The dog looked over his shoulder, wagged his tail at seeing his owner, and turned back to continue growling at the men in the tree, all the while scooting backward toward the boy.

When the dog reached the boy, he was sent into the garage where the boy closed the door behind him. He turned to the cops and asked, “What’s the problem?”

The teen was arrested and hauled off and the cops, impressed with the display, actually offered to buy the dog. It seems the dog would let you enter but wouldn’t let you leave.

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