(I’m currently working the phones at the customer service desk. It’s not uncommon to get prank calls or just angry customers unloading on the caller immediately.)
Me: *answering call* “Hello, thank you for calling [Grocery Store]. How may I help you?”
Caller: “F*** YOU!”
Me: *in cheery voice* “Why, thank you! You, too, sir!” *click*
(I am the OP of this story. I’m posting this years later, but this event happened later that same day. I am in the back room, showing off my grandfather’s flag to one of our security officers who trained at the same base my grandfather was stationed at. A coworker calls me to the front.)
Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], this guy is asking about some cigarettes I’ve never heard of. You’re the one who knows where to go if we don’t carry something; can you help him?”
(I get to the front and this guy has a pack of cigarettes that aren’t found in this state, but I have seen them before. My mom and I stopped at a convenience store for gas at one point while waiting on my grandfather’s funeral, and they had a sign advertising a price drop in this particular brand, and the design of the box had caught my eye.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I think you can only get these in Kentucky, maybe in places close to the state line. I’ve only seen one store in Tennessee just last week that has these.”
Customer: “Oh! I’m from Tennessee! That’s so cool; where’d you visit?”
(As my family is from the Appalachian region, it’s filled with some very small towns that most people wouldn’t have heard of, so I have to pause and think of the nearest big city.)
Me: “Uh… do you know where [Town] is? Or New [Town]?”
Customer: “I’m from New [Town]!”
Me: “I was in [Smaller Town] last week! My grandpa was [Grandpa]!”
(The customer’s face lights up with recognition when I say that.)
Customer: “YOU’RE [DAD]’S DAUGHTER! I go to church with your father; he’s always talking about you! I forgot where he said you lived, but I knew it was around here somewhere! How is everyone up there?”
Me: “Not so good. I just got back from grandpa’s funeral; it’s my first shift since last Wednesday.”
Customer: “What?! [Grandfather] is dead?! No one told me he’d been sick! You have a great day, [My Name]. I need to go call my brother!”
(He hurries out of the store. My coworkers think it is an amazing coincidence, but I just kind of laugh.)
Me: “Pretty sure he’s an alcoholic.”
Coworker: “Why do you say that?”
Me: “He’s clearly not close blood family, or he’d have known about Grandpa’s fall a couple of weeks ago. The only reason I could think he’d be that upset is if he bought Moonshine off him.”
(I have to schedule a flight. I use my bank’s travel website to book through, since the terms of use claim to include free cancelation. I pay and receive an email which includes my confirmation number and a copy of the same terms of use. Due to a miscommunication between me and the people I’m visiting, I scheduled the wrong dates and need to change the booking. It would be best to cancel, get refunded, and schedule a new flight, due to the price differences. I have called the bank’s travel support phone number, which is the only way to cancel bookings.)
Agent #1: “[Bank] Travel, how can I help you?”
Me: “I need to cancel my flight.”
(He collects the appropriate information from me and mentions the disclosure about the call being recorded.)
Agent #1: “Okay, I can cancel this. There is a cancelation fee of $25; is that okay?”
Me: “Actually, that’s not okay, because [Bank] says cancelations are free.”
Agent #1: “Well, I’m not [Bank], I’m [Bank] Travel. The charge is $25.”
Me: *mocking laugh* “No, it ain’t, and I won’t pay it. I have an email from [Bank] saying that cancelation is free, and I can see that on [Bank] Travel’s website, it also says cancelations are free. Get me your manager.”
Agent #1: *argumentative and fussy* “Well, my manager is going to say the same thing! Why don’t you just agree and save us all some time?”
Me: “If your manager can’t do it, then get me your manager’s manager. I’ve worked in a call center, my dude, and I know my rights as a consumer. [Bank] Travel advertised free cancelation. I am canceling my booking. I am entitled to you refunding me in full. Period.”
Agent #1: *angry growl and sigh* “Please hold.”
(As he’s, presumably, attempting to mute his microphone, he mumbles a sexist slur which translates to “female dog.”)
Me: *laughs out of surprise* “I heard that, and I know you can hear me, and I know your recording system heard it, too.”
(He hangs up on me, so I call back and get an agent who is a woman.)
Agent #2: “[Bank] Travel, how can I help you?”
Me: “Can your system locate a previous call’s recording from using the caller’s phone number as a reference?”
Agent #2: *understandably baffled* “Uh, yes, usually there is no problem with that.”
Me: “Please have your manager review the call recording prior to my call with you. I can wait as long as it takes without any hassle.”
Agent #2: “Uh, okay, this may take a few minutes. Excuse me for a moment while I place you on hold.”
(Roughly ten minutes pass.)
Agent #2: “Hello again. My manager reviewed the call and would like to speak to you about your—” *paused for a moment* “—experience. May I transfer you to her?”
Me: “Thanks so much. Please do.”
Manager: *nervous and confused* “Hello, [My Name]. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry about this situation. I have no idea why… why that happened. Everyone here knows there is no fee for your reservation method, and even if there had been fees on your account, the agents on the phone would never have any reason for making sure fees are billed to [Bank] customers. Not to mention, his behavior was unacceptable and I’m so sorry about this.”
Me: “I don’t need you to apologize to me. I appreciate it, but when a person is wrong they should directly apologize to the person they’ve wronged. On that note, I doubt that he would, so we can skip it. About my flight?”
Manager: “Cancelled with absolutely no charges or fees; a full refund will appear on [Bank] website within 24 hours.”
Me: “And about the first agent I spoke with… I’m sure [Bank] would want to reconsider a rep like him, right? I’d hate for him to verbally abuse someone who, say, is in a worse mental place.”
Manager: “He has been taken out of the call system for the moment, and is unable to take further calls today. He will not represent [Bank] in any position that faces customers, but any other punishments aren’t up to me. Please excuse me. Have a nice day.”
(The call was politely disconnected. I got a full refund and booked the cheaper flight without further drama. If it’s “female dog” behavior to make a company abide by the contracts they use, then I will gladly continue to be a female dog.)
(It’s not long before the end of my very last call centre shift and my tolerance for stupidity is at an all-time low.)
Me: “Hello, you’re through to [Bank], [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”
Caller: “Reset my online password. Your stupid system blocked it.”
Me: “Can I take your account number, please?”
Caller: “I don’t have it.”
Me: “Okay, is this for a credit or a debit account?”
Caller: “Credit.”
Me: “Perfect. And is it a personal or business account?”
Caller: *tutting* “Personal.”
Me: “Let me just bring up the credit card system. Can I take your name and the first line of your address so I can search for you?”
Caller: “It’s [Caller] and [address].”
Me: “Nothing is coming back with those details. Let me just search the business credit card system.”
Caller: “It’s not a business card. Jesus.” *to person in background* “How hard is it to listen to what I’m saying?”
Me: “All right. Well, there’s nothing with your details coming up on the credit card system. Is it definitely a credit card?”
Caller: “No! Jesus Christ. It’s a debit card. Why is this taking so long?” *to person in background* “She isn’t listening to anything I say.”
Me: “All right, I’ll search the debit card system. Again, nothing is coming up on that system. Are you definitely a [Bank] customer?”
Caller: “This is ridiculous. Yes, I am a customer.”
Me: “Okay. By any chance is it a business account?” *even though she already said it isn’t*
Caller: “Yes! Are you stupid? I told you already that it is!” *to person in the background* “This idiot is the stupidest person I’ve ever spoken to.”
Me: *starting to see red* “What’s the business name?”
Caller: “[Business].”
Me: “Nothing is coming up under that name, either. Please double-check and give me the right business name.”
Caller: “F***’s sake. It’s [Other Name].”
Me: “Okay, I finally have your account. Can I take your security number to verify you?”
Caller: “It’s [number].”
Me: “Nope, that’s not right. Try again.”
Caller: “Try [number].”
Me: “That’s not correct, either, so now I need to ask you some security questions. Can I get [details]?
Caller: “Is this call ever going to f****** end? It’s [details].
(By now I am completely confused and I’ve forgotten that she wants to reset a password. It’s almost 11:00 pm and at this time of night, 99% of calls are for lost cards, so I automatically assume that’s what the call is for.)
Me: “Those details were actually correct, so I can cancel your lost card now.”
Caller: “WHY THE F*** ARE YOU CANCELLING MY CARD?! Jesus, are you completely stupid? I want to reset my password. Is that too difficult for your dumb brain to comprehend?”
Me: “I’m sorry. There has been so much back and forth while I try to find your account that I forgot the call reason.”
Caller: “That’s not good enough. You’re a stupid f****** idiot who hasn’t listened to anything I’ve said. You’re a moron.”
Me: *finally reaching my limit* “DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! I am not stupid and I have listened to everything you’ve said. You said it was a credit card when it was a debit card. You said it was a personal account when it was a business account. You said the business name was [Business] when it’s actually [Other Name]. You rang the bank without any account details or account information. And finally, you’re the one who doesn’t know their verification details. I’ve spent nearly fifteen minutes trying to find your account when this entire call should have only taken two or three minutes, all because you’re too stupid to know a single thing about your account.”
Caller: “Well, I, uh, just…”.
Me: “I’ve reset your online password now, and since you’re soooooo smart, I’m sure you’ll figure out how to create a new one yourself. Goodbye.”
(I then hung up on her. The password reset process is extremely difficult without help, but my shift was over so I never found out if she had to call back.)
(A new colleague has just joined our company. For a 36-year-old, she is really weird and incredibly infantile; she does things like sticking out her tongue at us when she loses an argument, jumping out at the other staff, and once sneaking up on me and tickling me. For lunch, there’s a canteen nearby, and we usually call beforehand to place orders. They will pack it for us but we have to collect it in person. We take turns to collect the food for everyone. It happens to be my turn, and the newbie tags along to help me carry all the packets. [Newbie] almost goes up to grab a random food packet, thinking it’s hers. I tell her it’s still not ready. She sees the cook add some spring onions to the packet in front of her, and panics.)
Newbie: “I don’t want spring onions in mine!”
Me: “Oh, let me tell the cook.”
Cook: “Sorry, it’s already packed.”
([Newbie] stops dead in the middle of the packed canteen and starts FAKE CRYING at the top of her voice. There’s no actual tears, just a loud, deafening wailing like a baby.)
Newbie: *wailing* “AH-HUH-HUH-HUH-HUH, I don’t want spring onions! I don’t want spring onions!”
(Her hands were on my shoulders and EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the immediate vicinity turned to gape at us. She had an enormous grin on her face, like she thought she was funny. It was clear she was not actually upset by the onions, just doing it for laughs. The cook gave us a weird look and pushed the packet to us to get rid of us quickly. I nearly died of embarrassment as she wailed all the way out of the canteen. A few weeks later, she started a petty fight with our supervisor, because the supervisor called her “Miss” and she deemed it insulting. She threatened to call the police for it, and the manager got tired of her squabbling and fired her for poor attitude.)
