Pre-Order Disorder

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2018

(It is just after the release of an AAA title. Any customers wishing to reserve a copy usually put down a five dollar deposit and need to have their receipt in order to pick it up on release day.)

Customer: *walks in arrogantly* “I want to pick up a copy of [Title].”

Me: “We would be glad to sell you a copy; however, all of the ones we currently have are for pre-orders only. I’m afraid we have none left for walk-ins.”

(The customer starts arguing, and our pre-order customers are starting to file in behind him. He remains oblivious.)

Customer: “Do you mean to tell me that all copies of that game are reserved? That’s ridiculous! I want you to sell me a copy of [Title] now, or I’ll call your head office.”

Me: *sly wink to the line up* “Sir, if you would like to purchase a copy, then you’ll have to convince one of the 20 or so people behind you to give up one of theirs.”

(The customer turns around and finds himself staring down an angry mob.)

Customer: *pregnant pause* “I’ll, uh… I’ll go and see if [Department Store] has some.”

(I spent the day bro-fisting the line. It was awesome.)

Have A Go(o)d Day

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2018

(I am a key holder at a small grocery and retail store. A woman walks up to the cash register to pay.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Great! I am good! Life is great!”

Me: “Great.” *starts to scan items*

Customer: “Speak it the truth! Don’t listen to the devil, for the devil will lead you astray. Come unto God and listen to him, not to what the devil must say.”

Me: *stares at her while scanning items, hits total* “Your total is [total]. Thanks, have a nice day!”

Another Customer: “Do you know her?”

Me: “No… I just asked how her day was.”

You’re Just Shopping, They’re Just Trippin’

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 20, 2018

(I work in a large retail chain in Australia. As it is currently summer here, my long work pants are really hot. I’m in the store I work in, after my shift — so, still dressed in uniform — looking for a suitable skirt to buy and wear on my shifts and not boil my legs. A lady approaches me.)

Customer: “Could you help me find [pants] in size 12?”

Me: “Of course. Let me check the tag.”

(I find the pants quite quickly and show her we have sizes 6-22 — in Australian sizes this basically means there would be a pair to fit the vast majority of people — while handing her size 12.)

Customer: “And what about the top I asked for?”

(I’m certain she said nothing about a top to me, and she refuses to “repeat” herself. I tell her that in that case, there’s nothing more I can do for her and continue my own shopping. She doesn’t say anything but follows me around for the full ten minutes it takes me to find a suitable skirt. It’s pretty creepy.)

Customer: “Carrying that handbag, you almost look like you’re shopping!” *laughs*

Me: “I am shopping.”

Customer: *laughs*

(I’m apparently hilarious without even knowing it.)

Customer: *whining* “I really need that top!”

(I directed her to speak to my manager at the fitting rooms. She demanded my help. I repeated that my shift was finished, I really was just shopping, and I was helping her out of the goodness of my heart and without being paid. She complained to my very short-tempered manager about my “conduct,” and the manager reaffirmed that I was shopping, not working. This set off the ultimate conundrum in the customer’s mind and she got more and more agitated until she was removed by security for attempting to cut people with disposable razors. It was the craziest thing I’d ever seen. My coworkers and I still lunge at each other with [packaged, completely harmless] disposable razors for a joke.)

The Only Floor That Should Be Discussed Is The Sales Floor

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(I work in the animal department of a big pet store chain. My job is to take care of all the animals in the store, answer customers’ questions, and sell the animals. I tend to lurk around the rodent department because it’s what I know best, and I help customers when I see them browsing. This day there is a young couple eyeing the hamsters, and I speak with the woman.)

Me: “They’re cute, right? Were you looking at getting a hamster today?”

Customer: “Yeah, they are cute. We’ve never had a pet before, and we both work full time, so we thought it was time for one.”

Me: *already getting the gut feeling* “Okay, well, let me walk you through a bit about hamsters.”

(I explain their nesting habits, their personalities, everything. I show the cages, the food, and everything they could need, give a rough price estimate, explain how often they need to clean the cage, tell them to find an exotic/small animal vet, etc.)

Customer: “Hmm. Well, don’t the cages stink?”

Me: “Not if you take care to clean them often enough.”

Customer: “Can’t we just let it run around on the floor?”

(Needless to say, I pointed at the aisle with the animal books and told them they should probably do a bit more research before they bring an animal home. I’ve since quit working there.)

Not A Winner; Wait, Scratch That

, , , | Right | January 19, 2018

(There’s a woman who always comes in at seven in the morning with scratch-lotto tickets. She’s not very friendly.)

Customer: *gives me a ten dollar scratch off and a $20 bill* “I want another one of these and a [twenty dollar ticket].”

(I look at the ticket and notice only the barcode is scratched off on the front. I hand it back to her.)

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t scratched off.”

Customer: “I don’t scratch them.”

(I know she does because the last time I opened and she got a few tickets from us, I watched her scratch them in her car.)

Customer: “I want another one of these and [$20 ticket].”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know how much you’ve won if you haven’t scratched it off.”

Customer: *referring to the lotto machine we have across from the register* “Use the machine.”

(I work mornings alone and I’d only been working there for about three weeks, so I didn’t want to fight her about this, and I couldn’t have my manager do anything about it. I scanned the ticket and entered the security code, and I was just hoping it wasn’t a winner. But by some stroke of luck on her part, it was a $10 winner. I went about ringing her up on it, then for the next ten minutes I was dumbfounded, wondering what witchcraft she used to know that ticket was a winner.)

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