Not At The Top(ping) Of The Hiring Pile

, , , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(A customer has just asked to mix two sundae flavors together. She picks the two flavors that have the most toppings in them. They’re hell to top on their own; together is going to be miserable. My manager clarifies with her in case she doesn’t realize exactly what comes with each.)

Manager: “Ma’am, that is a lot of toppings to put in. That’s going to be two different kinds of cookie pieces, chocolate chips, peanut butter, strawberries, and cheesecake pieces; are you sure that’s what you want?”

Customer: “Jesus f****** Christ! Can you do it or not?”

Manager: *gritting his teeth* “I’ll have that right out.”

Customer: “Hey, wait, can I have an application? Are you hiring?”

(Later, after she’s finished her application, she waves me over impatiently from where I’m busy taking an order so she can ask me to get my manager back to her.)

Manager: “I really won’t be hiring for another month, just so you know.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just hire sooner?”

(I asked my manager if he would consider her, because she seemed like a bundle of sunshine to work with, but he said no.)

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle, Part 2

, , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(I’m working as a commissioned salesman at a large music gear retailer. A gentleman comes in soon after we open on a Monday morning and says that he needs a complete music set-up for a newly opened local church: PA, drums, guitar, bass, and keyboard gear. I agree to help, as it has been a slow month and I can use the sale. The guy proceeds to nickel and dime me for every possible discount he can for just under two hours, mentioning that it’s “for a church” at least a dozen times, grinding so hard that in the end, a $12,000 deal is making barely $150 profit.)

Me: “Okay, with the stands and cables it comes to [total].”

Customer: *scratches his chin for a second, looking at the total on the screen* “That still seems a bit high. I really think God would like a better deal.”

Me: *exasperated and ready to just get the guy out of the store* “I’m pretty sure God would also like for me to be able to feed my family this month, too, man.”

Customer: *somewhat sheepish* “Oh, well, yeah, I suppose he would.”

(He paid the quoted price.)

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

Some Customers Need A Lite Touch

, , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

Customer: “I would like to buy the iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry; I’m confused. What kind of iPad are you looking for?”

Customer: “The iPad Mini.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Air Lite.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s called an iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Hmm… I don’t think that’s a thing. There’s an iPad Mini, and there’s an ipad Air. I don’t think there’s an iPad Lite, though.”

Customer: “Oh, dear. I was sure it was called the iPad Mini Air Lite. It was in the flyer!”

(I page a coworker in electronics to call me, since I’m just on cash.)

Me: “Do we have, um… iPad Mini Air Lites?”

Coworker: *laughing on the other end of the line* “No. I’ll come talk to her.”

(She bought an iPad Mini.)

Will Take A Raincheck On That Raincheck

, , , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(Rainchecks are given at my store when a sale item is out of stock, so the customer can come in when it’s in stock and still get the sale price.)

Customer: “Do you accept people’s coupons?”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Oh, I have a raincheck for this.” *indicates item*

Me: “Sure thing. Can I see the raincheck?” *receives it* “Uh, this looks different from the ones I’ve used, I better check with my coworker.”

Customer: “It’s from [Competitor].”

Me: “We cant accept rainchecks from [Competitor].”

Customer: “Why?! You said you accept people’s coupons!”

When Self-Service Becomes Self-Serving

, , , , | | Right | May 25, 2018

(I’m running the self-checkouts during a busy time and this man calls me over.)

Customer: “Do you think I can scan this, even though the clearance sticker is covering the barcode?”

(He holds up a big Santa plate.)

Me: “Yeah, shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, just remove the clearance sticker a little so the lines of the barcode are exposed.”

Customer: “Well, you should just do it for me, since you clearly know how.”

Me: “Uh…”

(I look around to make sure no other customers are having issues, quickly scan it, and hand it back to him so he can decide how he wants it bagged. It is quite fragile, and I’m not sure.)

Customer: *looks at the plate after taking it back* “So, you got anything to bag this in?”

Me: “We have plastic bags.” *points at the plastic bags on the self-checkout*

Customer: “Okay. You bag it, then!”

(I wonder if he wanted me to pay for him, as well.)

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