Return Of The Returner: Jeans Of Justice

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(My mother is a department manager for a large retail chain that has just closed 146 locations in the last year. They recently had a return policy change that states if you are returning something without a receipt, they can only give you the lowest selling price in their system. My mom is called up to the register to help a pair of customers with their return.)

Mom: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to return these jeans, but I don’t have my receipt.”

Mom: “Okay, sir, let me see what I can do to help you. Did you pay for these with cash or a card?”

Customer: “One of them was with cash, and the other was with a card.”

Mom: “We can look up your receipt in our system to give you the full refund for the one pair, but with the other one I can only give you what they are worth in our store.”

Customer: “That’s not necessary. I paid $45 for them. Just give me that.”

Mom: “I’m sorry, sir; our policy is that we have to give you what it’s worth.”

(She looks up the jeans at the register, and they are only worth $0.78 in the store on this particular day.)

Mom: “For this pair, I can give you $0.78.”

Customer: “$0.78?! That’s it?! But I paid $45!”

Mom: “Well, if you had the receipt, I’d be able to give you the full refund. But considering that you don’t, this is all I’m allowed to give you, sir.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Why can you only give me $0.78?”

Mom: “That’s just our policy, sir,”

(This goes on for quite some time, asking why he can only get $0.78 for the jeans, and with her trying to give him several different answers, until…)

Customer: “How does it feel to work for a company that can’t back up its managers?!”

Mom: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re working for a company that can’t even tell its employees why certain policies are put into place. No wonder this place is going down the tubes!”

Mom: “Well, sir, that’s matter of opinion.”

Customer: “A matter of opinion?! Are you f***ing kidding me?! This place is a s***-show! This is horrible customer service!”

Mom: “Once again, that’s a matter of opinion.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? How many sites have you closed down this year? Huh?”

Mom: “146.”

Customer: “Yeah, and that’s a FACT!”

Mom: “If you say so, sir.”

Customer: “You must be embarrassed! You must be so embarrassed to work here! You must go home every night, look at yourself in the mirror, and hate yourself because you work here! Are you embarrassed?! Huh?!”

(She has finally had enough of this man’s harassment. By now there are about 25 to 30 people that have fallen silent and are watching this man scream at her.)

Mom: “No, I don’t! Sir, I am trying to help you as best as I can. You can either stop this conversation right now and accept the help I am giving you, or you can walk out that door right now, and never come back to this store, since you hate it so much!”

(He instantly shuts up. My mom gives him the cash refund of $0.78 for the one pair of jeans, and then looks up his receipt for the other pair, which is the exact same pair as the one for which he paid cash. The receipt she pulls up says he paid the full price of $14.95 on his card, which she refunds him as well. As she is finishing up with him, he decides to get a final jab in.)

Customer: “See you in the unemployment line!”

Mom: “Why? Is that where you live?”

Not So Smart-Phone, Part 10

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(We work for an office supply store which also sells technology items for phones. My coworker is helping an older woman who has questions about micro-SD cards for phones.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I need a micro-SD card for my phone; can you help me?”

Coworker: “Sure! What kind of phone do you have?”

Customer: *thinking long and hard about it* “Um… It’s one of the cheapest plans.”

Coworker: “Okay, but what kind of phone is it?”

Customer: *really straining to think about this one, then a light seems to go off* “Oh! It’s a cell phone!” *big grin on her face*

Coworker: *struggling not to laugh* “Er… Do you have the phone with you?”

Customer: *opens purse* “OH, MY GOD! WHERE’S MY PHONE?!” *leaves the store in a hurry*

Going From A Virgin To A Bloody Mary

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(As a part-time job, during school, I work in a call centre in Montreal, Canada. We offer medical appointment software and managing for medical clinics. Most of our clients are doctors or medical clinic workers. Because of the name of the company, people mistakenly call us thinking we offer medical advice on the phone. The government has something called INFO-HEALTH who does that.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I think I f***** up.”

Me: “Okay, go ahead; I am listening.”

Caller: “Okay, and believe me, this is not a joke.” *I actually hear someone groaning in pain behind him and have a feeling this is NOT a joke* “My name is [Caller]. I’m 16 years old. My girlfriend and I just tried having sex for the first time, and I think I went too hard on her. Her hip seems to be broken; she can’t move. What can I do?”

Me: “I would recommend that you call 911 right away and have EMTs bring her to the hospital.”

Caller: “Okay, but isn’t there something you think I can give her to ease the pain?”

Me: “I am really sorry, but since I am not a trained medical technician, there is no medical advice I can give you. What we do here is offer medical software managing for clinics. I believe you mistook us for INFO-HEALTH.”

Caller: “Didn’t I just call INFO-HEALTH?”

Me: “No, sir, you’ve reached [Company]. If you want to reach INFO-HEALTH to get some info, the number is [number].”

Caller: “Okay, but in the meantime, have you ever experienced something like this? What would you do?”

Me: “Again, there is no medical advice that I can give you, but honestly, I would personally recommend that next time, you go a little gentler on your girlfriend. And again, right now I strongly advise that you hang up and call 911 right away; your girlfriend really seems to be in pain.”

Caller: “You really can’t do anything?”

Me: “Yes, I can tell you again to call 911!”

Caller: “You’re a f****** useless piece of junk. Never mind! I’ll call 911.” *click*

(After exploding in laughter, I submitted this to our “Funniest Calls” list, which we play every year during our Christmas get-together, and I won the contest by a landslide.)

Not A Turn-Up For The Books

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work the front desk at a university library. The actual library building is fairly large and includes a small food court on the basement floor. One day, two girls walk up to the front desk:)

Customer #1: “Hi, do you all have food here?”

Me: *thinking she’s referring to the food court* “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Customer #1: “Great! Can I get a meatball sub to go please?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Ma’am… This is a library. If you want food, the food court is downstairs.”

Customer #2: *hitting her friend on the arm* “You idiot! I told you!”

Customer #1: “What?! He said there was food!”

(They started giggling and walked downstairs.)

You’re The Reason Why We Need To Repeat Your Order

, , , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work at a fast food place. A customer walks up to the counter and stares at the overhead menu board.)

Customer: “I want the bundle; what comes in the bundle?”

(I tell her what it comes with, which does not include fries.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take that!”

(I finish taking her order and hand her her drink cups.)

Customer: “What are you doing with those? Aren’t you supposed to get my drinks?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have a self-serve station for beverages.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to use the restroom. Can’t you get them for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not allowed out from behind the counter while I’m working.”

Customer: “Then use the drive-thru machine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The drive-thru is very busy and I cannot use their machine.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not asking you to!”

(She takes her cups and fills them up before using the restroom. Her bundle is ready before she comes out so I watch it for her. When she comes out, she marches to the box and begins searching it.)

Customer: “Where are my fries?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It doesn’t come with fries.”

Customer: “What? I didn’t know it didn’t come with fries! Why didn’t you tell me? Customers don’t know what they’re ordering! That makes it your job to inform them what they order!”

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