(A customer approaches the counter with a sewing machine in an open box.)

Customer: “There’s a problem with this machine. I want to claim it under warranty.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, there was a little piece inside the machine that was stopping it from working, so I opened it up and moved some of the parts inside the machine to get the piece out. I put it back together but it still doesn’t work.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but by opening the panel and removing some of the parts you’ve automatically voided your warranty. I can get the repairman to look at it, but you’ll have to pay for it. And from what you’ve told me I think there’s a good chance he won’t be able to fix it.”

Customer: “But I had to get the little piece out! I need to claim it under warranty!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t claim this machine under warranty now.”

Customer: “No! Let me speak to your manager!”

(My manager told her exactly the same thing, and the fight kept going in circles. After a lot of resistance from the customer my manager agreed to give her a new machine and see what she could do with the broken one.)

Manager: “Okay, put the machine on the counter and I’ll give you a new one.”

(The customer pulls out a MASSIVE bag of machine parts. She’s evidently taken the entire thing to bits.)

Manager: “You gave me the impression you’d only moved a few pieces and then put them back. I can’t accept this.”

Customer: “You said you’d give me an exchange!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but a machine in this condition is completely worthless. I can’t exchange it for a new one.”

Customer: “But I had to move all of this to get the little piece! The machine didn’t work. What was I supposed to do?!”

Manager: “When you have that kind of problem you’re supposed to bring it to us right away and claim it under warranty instead of trying to repair it yourself. This situation is the exact reason why machines that have been tampered with are not under warranty.”

(Eventually she got the customer to leave. Apparently the customer came back three days in a row, each time fighting with my manager and other employees about the same thing. In the end my manager reluctantly gave her a new one just to shut her up. She still had the nerve to put in a complaint about the “awful” service she received.)

(My office focuses on wholesale business. We deal with stores across the US that sell the products we manufacture. This phone call is from a small business that sells a few of our products. My coworker takes the call.)

Store: “I need to update my credit card information.”

Coworker: “Ok, let me pull up your information.” *pulls up info* “I see we have a card on file that ends in [numbers].”

Store: “No, no, no, that’s the old card. I need to give you the new number. I can’t believe you didn’t call and tell me my card was out of date!”

Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry no one contacted you, but I can go ahead and get the new card on file now.”

Store: *gives updated credit card information*

Coworker: “Okay, I’ve got that on file now, but I don’t see a pending order.”

Store: “I don’t have a pending order because you didn’t have my updated credit card information.”

Coworker: “Oh, I see. Can I place the order for you now, since we’ve got the new card on file?”

Store: “NO, I DON’T WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER. I JUST WANTED TO UPDATE MY CREDIT CARD!”

Coworker: “Ok, well, we’ve got it now, so it will charge when you place your next order.”

Store: “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was expired.”

Coworker: “If you don’t have a pending order that’s held up by an expired card, then we don’t know that the card is expired.”

Store: “So you have to wait until the order is held up?”

Coworker: “Well, yes, because we have thousands of customers. We can’t monitor every single credit card to see when it’s about to expire.”

Store: “But you sent me an email saying it was out of date.”

Coworker: “….but I thought we hadn’t contacted you…”

Store: “It’s an old email from months ago. It says you can’t process my order until I update my credit card.”

Coworker: “Well, you must have updated it back then, because you don’t have any pending orders, nor any cancelled or on-hold orders.”

Store: “Then why did you send me this email?”

Coworker: “You said it was from months ago? You may have had a pending order months ago, but I can see that all of your placed orders have been processed. We aren’t currently holding anything for you.”

Store: “This email IS from months ago. I updated my card months ago as well. I’m just now reading the email!”

Coworker: “Okay, well, the new card information you just gave me was different from what was on file. So, has your credit card information changed since the last time you updated it?”

Store: “YES!”

Coworker: “So do you need to place an order?”

Store: “NO! NO, I DON’T!!!”

Coworker: “I’m not sure why you’re angry, then?”

Store: “YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!” *click*

Me: “So she’s mad at us for not being mind readers?”

Coworker: “I guess…?”

(I answer a call:)

Caller: “Hello, my son just received his new glasses and I don’t think they’re right!”

Me: “What is the matter with the glasses?”

Caller: “They’re way too strong!”

Me: “Is the child complaining of discomfort or blurry vision?”

Caller: “No, but when I put them on I can’t see anything! They must be too strong! When I look around the room I can’t see anything! I can’t imagine that my child sees anything either!”

Me: “Well, those glasses would not prescribed for your vision. They are prescribed for your child’s vision because you see differently.”

Caller: “They are just too strong and I’m not gonna have my child wearing these!”

(I work in a fast food restaurant. We frequently park cars in the drive-thru that are waiting longer than usual so we can keep the line moving. I walk in one day and this is the conversation I hear:)

Customer: “Have you seen my car?”

Employee: “Uh, what?”

Customer: “You guys had me pull forward, but you forgot my ketchup. So I had to come back in for it. Now my car is gone.”

Employee: “I have no idea what happened to your car.”

Customer: “Someone stole my car! I need to call the police!” *runs out of building frantically*

Employee: *to me* “I have no idea what’s going on.”

(A few minutes later the man comes back in.)

Customer: “I found my car. It’s in the ditch across the street. Someone crashed my car in the ditch! Who would do that?”

Employee: “I don’t know, sir; do you need me to get the manager?”

Customer: “Yes! This is ridiculous.”

(The police arrived, to discover that he had left his keys in his manual car and left it in gear, and it had rolled across the street all on its own. He waited outside for the tow truck, very embarrassed.)

(I have just finished ringing up a customer.)

Customer: “I want to go through the items again. Last time you charged me for something twice but it was too much trouble to come back.”

Me: “All right, let’s move over to this counter and we’ll go through everything.”

(I pull each item out of her bag and read off the prices while she marks off the receipt behind her hand so we can’t see her.)

Customer: “See! You charged me an extra $7.99! I want you to refund it!”

Me: “Are you sure? Let me check one more time. Here at the bottom of the receipt it says that I rang up [number of items] and in your bag there are [same number of items]. How about I mark off the receipt with you?”

Customer: “No! It’s not worth it!”

(She grabs her bag and leaves in a huff.)

Coworker: *laughing* “She knows you caught her lying, doesn’t she?”

Me: “Yup.”