(I have quite a few people from other countries come into my store. It is pretty common for us to attempt to communicate with charades. I am working the service desk, and a woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “I need strippas.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “STRIPPAS! I need strippas for my panties!”

(I am staring at her as though she is insane.)

Me: “I don’t believe we sell strippers here…”

(She then takes a bag and demonstrates what panties are by holding it against herself.)

Customer: “Strippas for elastic. My elastic no good. Need strippas.”

(I figured she was talking about elastic coming out of her panties. So, I pointed her toward the fabric counter. A few minutes later she ran out of the store, screaming, “TOO MUCH!”)

(It’s the Fourth of July and I’m working the register. A woman in her mid-50s comes up to me.)

Customer: “Where are your winter coats?”

Me: *taken aback* “What?”

Customer: “Your winter coats! I’m looking for them.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re not selling any right now. You’re welcome to check the 70%-off rack, since that’s from last winter, but other than that, I’m afraid they won’t be in for a while.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you get the seasons in early.”

Me: “It’s true, we do get clothing for each season in early, but it’s July.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… we won’t even be getting the fall stuff until the end of this month.”

Customer: “Well, then, where am I supposed to get a winter coat?”

Me: *trying to be helpful* “Well, I’m sure you could check [Thrift Store] in [Town ten miles away]. They should have out-of-season stuff.”

Customer: *angry* “I don’t drive! I need something here!”

Me: “Okay, well, you could check [Famous Outdoor Sporting Company]. I know they ship right to your house.”

Customer: “I don’t want to order anything! I want something here!“

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we don’t have any winter coats except what few are left on clearance.”

Customer: “But why don’t you have anything now?“

Me: *fed up* “Because it’s July.”

(The woman storms out. My manager comes over, having seen her leave angrily.)

Manager: “What was that about?”

Me: “She was mad because we didn’t have any winter coats.”

Manager: “Did you tell her to check the clearance racks?”

Me: “Yup. She was mad we didn’t have new ones.”

Manager: “But… it’s July.”

Me: “Believe me, I know.”

(A little old lady approaches me as I’m working in our small petite department.)

Lady: “Hello! I’m looking for a petite shirt I saw online. Could you help me find it?”

Me: “Of course! We don’t get everything online in the store, but if it’s here, we’ll find it.”

(I start going through the racks.)

Me: “What’s it look like?”

Lady: “It’s floral.”

(I pause for a second. Please note, it’s spring in a woman’s clothing store. Everything’s floral.)

Me: “Okay, what color is it?”

Lady: “It’s floral.”

Me: “Um, okay, but are there any prominent colors? Maybe green, blue, pink?”

Lady: “It’s floral.”

(Giving up, I proceed to show her every floral shirt in the department. She rejects each one, and every time I ask for more to go on, she replies, “It’s floral.”)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but it doesn’t look like we carry the shirt you’re looking for. We can order it for you online, if you like.”

Lady: “What? Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “Well, we’re a fairly small store, and our petite department is especially small. We can’t fit everything online in here.”

Lady: “But… it’s floral!“

(I am checking out a customer. I hand him a dollar in change and then lightly drop coins into his hand.)

Customer: *gives me a look* “You could have just handed me my change like I handed you the money, instead of just dropping it into my hand.”

(I think to myself… I did hand you the money, but it’s impossible to place a bunch of coins directly into your hand unless you want me to count them out one by one.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I meant no disrespect.”

Customer: “Yeah, you’re sorry, but you still did it, huh?” *turns to his friend and my coworker* “Did you just see how she handed me my money? So disrespectful! I can’t believe how rude.”

(The man leaves.)

Coworker: *giggles* “Jeez. I saw the way you handed it to him; it was completely normal, and he just acted like you just kicked his puppy.”

(Working in ICT, I have to handle tickets from teachers reporting problems with their computers. I receive a ticket mentioning a problem with the sound card. Since this problem can be solved by the end-user, I give the teacher instructions how to do so. A few days later I must be at the location, and I run into the teacher.)

Me: “Hi, [Teacher]. I hope your problem was solved.”

Teacher: “Actually, no. Could you fix it?”

(I go over to her computer and go through the few steps I instructed her with earlier. As a result, everything works again, like it should.)

Teacher: “Wow. Thanks. It’s just so inconvenient when things don’t work.”

Me: “I gave you these instructions in your ticket; didn’t you receive them? “

Teacher: “Oh. I saw your answer, but I just didn’t read all the instructions. I mean, why should I do this? You are the IT guy.”

(And that is why I don’t answer tickets anymore.)