Kept That Stone Rolling All Night

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I work in a wake-up call company. We provide wake-up calls for hotels, and for independent people who schedule wake-up calls to make sure they can catch their planes, etc. We also provide these kinds of calls to old people to remind them to take their pills, or for their varying appointments, etc. I work night shifts, and I am alone in the call center when the phone rings.)

Me: “Wake-up call service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “That was a good show, dude!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “The show was awesome, man! I loved it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re calling a wake-up call company; I think you might have the wrong number.”

Caller: “No, dude, Mick gave us the number to call him!”

(At this point, I’m starting to realize this guy is coming back from a Rolling Stones concert in the same state where I live, and is high as f***. Since I don’t have any calls to make for another 20 minutes, I decide to play along with it.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’d be happy to help you, but I need to know who you want to speak to.”

Caller: “Is this Mick Jagger? Dude, you’re so cool, man! Hey, where are you? We left the show like five minutes ago.”

Me: “You wish to speak with Mick Jagger? Just hold on for a second; I’ll patch him through.”

(I put him on hold, go on [Video Website] to look at a Mick Jagger interview for two minutes, and come back with my not-so-good Mick Jagger voice.)

Me: “Hello, who is this?”

Caller: “Mick? Holy s***! I’m on the phone with Mick Jagger. Dude, the show was soooo awesome! I’m your biggest fan! Mick, tell me when your next show is; I’ll follow you!”

Me: “Okay, son, what is your name?”

Caller: “I’m [Caller]!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller], leave me a phone number and I’ll make sure to call to tell you when my next show is. Now, I have to go back to sleep; I’m tired.”

Caller: “Yeah, cool, okay! My phone number is [number].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make sure to call you tomorrow and give you my next show date!”

Caller: “Thanks, man. You’re the f***** best!” *click*

(The guy called about six hours later, completely sober, and told me he saw our number on his phone and was wondering why he called our company. I explained everything, and he laughed his ass off and apologized. I realized he lived about 45 minutes away from me and we decided to meet, and we became friends for about a year before I shipped off to college.)

So Tight You Can Never Take Them Off Again

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. I am a sophomore in high school and I’m really into the whole goth scene. I purchase a pair of pants from a gothic clothing store in the mall. I go to the ladies’ room in the food court to put them on, but they are really tight. So, still wearing the pants, I return to the store. I approach the counter.)

Me: “Hey, I just bought these pants and they are a little too tight. Can I exchange them?”

Cashier: *looks me in the face, looks down at the pants that I am wearing, looks back up at my face* “You’re wearing them, dude.”

Me: “…”

(I ran off. I was too embarrassed to even go take them off and put my old ones on and come back. Out of sheer embarrassment, I just kept the too-tight pants I wasn’t able to wear. As a side note though, it was the push I needed, and less than a year later I’d lost enough weight to fit in them!)

Boiling Orange Juice To Match Your Boiling Blood

, , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(I’m waiting tables at a restaurant and bar popular with foreign expatriates. I seat a middle-aged couple. One customer orders whiskey on the rocks, with ice, water, and soda all on the side. That makes four glasses for the one order, but this is fairly common behaviour from this demographic, so it’s fine. The other customer orders an orange juice without ice. This is also common, as people often believe they will receive more drink without it. In less than five minutes they receive everything, despite it being a busy Saturday evening.)

Customer: “You got the order wrong.”

Me: “What was left out? I’ll get it fixed for you immediately.”

Customer: “Are you stupid? I asked for the orange juice without ice; obviously, I want it warm.”

(We don’t keep any juice that isn’t chilled; after all, this is tropical Singapore, and who on earth drinks warm juice?)

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Supervisor: “Tell her she has three options: we can nuke it in the microwave, steam it, or we’ll void it and she can keep the d*** juice if it’ll make her quiet.”

(I give her the options, and naturally she opts to have the drink for free. She does not, however, keep quiet or express gratitude for the free drink, and instead continues to insult me and my outlet for not having warm juice. As I walk back into the employee area, I launch into a string of obscenities over the comm-set and inform my manager I’ve had enough and need to chain-smoke for ten. Five minutes later…)

Manager: “[My Name], this customer is refusing to pay her entire bill; she claims you said they get their drinks for free all night as an apology. Can you come back in and talk to her?”

Me: “No; you know what to do. By the way, I’m clearing my half-an-hour break now, or I swear I just might find her some boiling hot orange juice.”

Manager: “Okay, you do that.”

Me: “Which one?”

Manager: “Both?”

(They ended up paying for everything.)

Themed Roundup: Winter Is Coming

| Right | November 19, 2017
logo not always right nar

The nights are getting longer, the temperature is dropping*, and it is safe to say… “winter is coming.” As a result, please enjoy a roundup of our Game Of Thrones themed stories from all categories of the site. Hopefully these will keep you going until the next season turns up in a couple of years! 


Credit: https://juggernaut-art.deviantart.com
 

You Know Of Nothing Jon Snow – If no one in the show can get along, why expect the religions to as well?

Stark Raving Mad – Only trendy people drink wine… apparently.

All Little Girls Dream Of Their Red Wedding – The Lannisters send their regards before bed time…

These Protesters Are Totally Off The Wall – This is what you say next time you’re approached by a Jehovah’s Witness.

Got The Drogo Mojo – HBO means nudity; it is known.

HB-Woah – If you’re ever talking about anything screwed up, it’s probably because of Game Of Thrones.

A Cookie Monster Always Pays His Debts – It’s about a Game Of Thrones/Sesame Street crossover; do we need to say any more?

Births, Deaths, And Game-Of-Throne Marriages – Killing gets easier with each one, apparently.

Eaten Too Many Dothraki Horse Pies – Too much food makes you as big as the moon and the sky.

Forgetting The Date Can Have Dire(wolf) Consequences – When you rush the Game Of Thrones, you eat or you die.

Got any other funny experiences revolving around adventures in Westeros? Let us know in the comments, or submitting a story!

 

*To our readers from the southern hemisphere… just pretend.

Why Did This Customer Have To Fall Into Your Lap?

, , , | Right | November 19, 2017

(An elderly male customer walks up to my counter. I am 23 and female.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Are you the girl who gave me the lap-dance on my birthday?”

Me: “Um, I am most certainly not.”

Customer: “Do you want to be?”

Me: “Um… No.”

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