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Not Even Remotely Closed-Minded

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a call center for a higher end computer component company. Occasionally we received calls that need to be transferred to our home office, which is in the next time zone an hour ahead of us. At 4:15 pm (so 5:15 pm, after closing time, at our home office,) I receive a call from a woman insisting that she needs to be transferred to our head department IMMEDIATELY.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but our head department is closed for the day. I can see that you’re in California, so I can assure you that you can call back tomorrow anytime between eight 8 am and four pm and we would be happy to redirect your call at that time.”

Caller: “What do you mean they’re closed?”

Me: I mean that everyone in that department, and indeed in the whole home office, has gone home for the day.”

Caller: “Well, that’s not going to work for me! There should be someone there!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask where you’re calling from?”

Caller: “My home, but I don’t see what that has to do with this, you little s***!”

Me: “I assume due to the nature of your call that you worked today, is that correct?”

Caller: *sheepishly* “Yes…”

Me: “And did you hang around after your department closed?”

Caller: No, why the f*** would I do that? What are you, an idiot?”

(At this point I remain completely silent, waiting for her to realize what she’s just said, and after a few moments I hear:)

Caller: “Oh, F*CK YOU!”

(She hung up without another word. I was let go shortly thereafter, although I was told during my exit interview that I had officially accomplished the funniest reason to be fired in company history, so there’s that at least!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

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Now You’re Really Pushing It

| SC, USA | SC, USA | Health & Body

(I’m a physical therapist assistant and am finishing up my last clinical rotation. I’m treating a patient with a shoulder repair that follows the same protocols as a rotator cuff repair. He’s recently progressed to active assistive range of motion but per doctor’s orders is not allowed to take off his sling nor allowed to do active range of motion. This particular treatment session he reports that he is in a lot of pain, so I go through the usual questions to figure out what’s up.)

Me: “Have you done anything new?”

Patient: “No, I’ve been doing my usual routine.”

Me: “Have you been following the home exercise plan the way we taught you to?”

Patient: “Yes. I do my arm swings and my push-ups.”

Me: “PUSH-UPS?! [Instructor], could you come over and listen to this. [Patient], could you repeat what you said?”

Patient: “Yep. I’ve been doing my arm swings and push-ups everyday.”

Clinical Instructor: “What?! Do you mean your step-backs?”

Patient: “Well, yeah. But when I come back up I do a push-up. It’s only from the table.”

Clinical Instructor: “When have we ever told you to do push-ups? What made you think to do that?!”

Patient: “It just felt like the right thing to do.”

(I also found out the patient had been doing active range of motion at home, standing up, because his reasoning was that it would speed up the healing process. Thankfully it didn’t seem like there was any permanent damage or re-tears from this. We corrected him and he (hopefully) knew better than to do any of that.)

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Not The Brightest Of Requests

| Canada | Technology

(We remote to users’ computers to assist them with issues and resolve them. Sometimes certain issues are from the outside of the computer, so remoting to them is pointless and we just explain them how to troubleshoot.)

Customer: “How do I reduce my monitor’s brightness?”

Me: “Do you see a menu button on your monitor? It can be anywhere on the bottom, top, or sides.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What is the model of the monitor? It should say the model on the back of the monitor.”

(The customer then tells me the model and then says:)

Customer: “I have pressed a button on the right and it showed the brightness level.”

Me: “Are there other buttons, with arrows next to that button?”

Customer: “Right now it’s at 85, but I don’t see any button or arrows to control it.”

Me: “One minute. I will try to find a manual for your monitor.”

(I find a manual of the monitor and the menu button and the arrow buttons to select are very well shown on the monitor.)

Customer: “You may connect to my PC to see what I mean.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I will not be able to see the buttons on your monitor as they are on the outside. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, do you see the power button with the menu button?”

Customer: “But you can see my screen when you connect to me, can’t you?”

Me: “I can see your desktop, but I don’t have access to the menu buttons on your monitor. If you look on the bottom right corner of your monitor, you will see the menu button with the arrow buttons.”

Customer: “That’s fine if you can’t connect. I thought it might help you to see how it looks when I bring the brightness level on the screen.”

Me: “It won’t. When I connect to your computer, I see your computer using my own monitor. I will not be able to see the menu options of yours and your brightness level will not affect mine… Now, do you see the button on top of the power button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you see the arrows?”

Customer: “Oh… thank you so much! I figured it out now. Bye!”

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Friendship Is Tragic

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(A frequent customer who bears a striking resemblance to Liza Minnelli will constantly call our jewelry department and ask vague questions. She has a distinctive voice and particular cadence when she speaks so you always know it’s her on the phone. Around Christmas, we receive this call:)

Me: “Jewelry Department, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Not-Liza: “Do you… do you have jewelry boxes?”

Me: “Yes, we have an assortment of jewelry boxes. Are you looking for anything specific?”

Not-Liza: “I want… a jewelry box.”

Me: *knowing that she has a young daughter* “Are you looking for a little girl’s jewelry box?”

Not-Liza: “Are they pink?”

Me: “We have a few different types.”

Not-Liza: “Do you have… one with princesses on it?”

Me: “No, but we have a My Little Pony—”

Not-Liza: “I don’t want the My Little Pony!”

Me: “Well, we have the My Little Pony—”

Not-Liza: “I don’t WANT the My Little Pony!”

Me: “I’m trying to tell you what all we have.”

Not-Liza: “What DO… you have?”

Me: “We have ones with ballerinas, some that are sparkly, and… the My Little Pony—”

Not-Liza: “I DON’T WANT THE MY LITTLE PONY!”

(Two hours later my coworker and I spot her in the store, with a beautiful My Little Pony jewelry box nestled in her cart.)

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Life Is Stranger Than The Search For Fiction

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Books & Reading

(I work in a library system where the adult fiction is shelved by genre: general fiction, mystery, sci-fi/fantasy, and western.)

Patron: “There was a book I checked out once but I can’t find it now. The author’s last name was Hamilton.”

Me: “Do you remember the title of the book?”

Patron: “No.”

Me: “The author’s first name?”

Patron: “No.”

Me: “What was the book about?”

Patron: “I don’t remember, but I really liked it and the name was Hamilton.”

Me: *searching by last name* “There are several different authors with that last name. Do you remember which genre the book was? Was it a mystery?”

Patron: “No, it wasn’t a mystery. It was just a story with things happening.”

Me: “That sounds like it would be general fiction.”

Patron: “No, it wasn’t general fiction. It was definitely a mystery.”

Me: “Okay, let’s go look in the mystery section.”

Patron: “Well, it wasn’t so much a mystery, but it had a cowboy in it.”

Me: “That sounds like it would be in the western section.”

(We go look. There are no books there by a Hamilton.)

Patron: “Actually, maybe Hamilton was the title of the book.”

Me: “…”

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