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Framing Your Family

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I’m showing a customer our range of picture frames.)

Customer: “How big is 8″ by 10″?”

(I pick up a frame of that size and hand it to her.)

Customer: “How big is it though?”

Me: “That big.” *pointing at the frame*

Customer: *stares at the frame blankly before moving on* “What about this?”

Me: “It’s 4″ by 5″. It would accommodate a picture that is a quarter the size of the one in your hand.”

Customer: *waving her hands wildly* “That makes no sense!”

Me: “Umm, perhaps if you tell me the size of the picture you want to frame, I can show you what we have?”

Customer: “Don’t you give me a picture?”

Me: “We have some available for purchase.”

(I show her our collection.)

Me: “Is there any that take your fancy?”

Customer: *after looking over the selection* “Do you have any with my grandchildren?”

Me: “…”

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Nic U Too

| GA, USA | Language & Words

(The customer is proofing a write-up I put together for her.)

Customer: “Change the ‘an’ to ‘a’ before ‘NICU nurse.’”

Me: “’An’ is technically correct in this context; use of a/an is determined by the vowel sound at the beginning of a word/abbreviation/acronym, not necessarily the letter itself. Since ‘NICU’ is traditionally pronounced ‘en-eye-see-you’ we would use ‘an.’ However, if we wrote out the whole thing, it would be ‘a neonatal intensive care unit.’”

Customer: “I pronounce it ‘nic-u’ so change it to ‘a.’”

Me: “…seriously?”

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They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

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A New Line Of Enquiry

| Kent, England, UK | Kent, England, UK | Technology

(I answer the phone.)

Customer: “I bought a laptop from you three weeks ago.”

Me: “Okay…” *expecting customer to say there is a problem*

Customer: “I’m filling in an online form and I need to tick a box. How do I tick it?”

Me: *barely containing laughter* “On the touchpad at the bottom there are two buttons. You need to move the cursor over the tick box and click the left button.”

Customer: “But there aren’t two buttons, only a line.”

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Overcompensation Before They Ask For Compensation

, | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am working the front counter when I see a customer who is known as one of our “problem regulars” come in.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want that grilled onion cheeseburger, but I don’t want NO CHEESE ON THAT. Got it?”

(Last time he came in, he asked for the same thing and they accidentally put cheese on it, which he proceeded to throw on the counter right in front of me. Since this completes his order today and I have no more customers, I go and alert manager to his presence since he usually asks for one anyway. We both come back in time to see the customer standing on his tiptoes trying to see how they’re making his burger, which you cannot see from anywhere in our lobby.)

Customer: “They ain’t puttin enough onions on it. I want more onions.”

(My manager then asks the grill people for an entire sundae cup of grilled onions which he sets on the tray with the customers now-ready burger and hands it to him.)

Customer: “I didn’t want THAT many onions…”

Manager: *smiling widely* “Well, now you have just as many as you want. Have a good day, sir.”

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