Not Sure If They Need Less Medication Or More

, , , | Right | September 21, 2017

Me: “Good evening, and thank you for calling [Big Name Pharmacy]. How can I help you?

Customer: “I need to identify a pill.”

Me: “Absolutely. Can you give me a description?”

Customer: “It’s a yellow, round pill with an ‘A’ on it. It’s pretty dirty, though.”

Me: “Oh, I really wouldn’t take any medication that appears damaged or contaminated.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I found it on the ground outside.”

Me: *professionalism waning* “Uh… what? You found it where?”

Customer: “I found it on the… the street just now, and I want to make sure it’s okay to take.”

Me: *professionalism out the window* “Do you usually eat random s*** off the street?!”

Customer: *hangs up*

Paying The Price Of Your Obfuscation

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I work in a large kitchen and bath fixture showroom. A customer walks in wanting to check out a shower set.)

Customer: *points at a shower set* “How much is this?”

Me: “Do you know which finish you would like it in? Each finish will be a different price. Also, are you doing a remodel or a replacement?”

Customer: *glares at me* “I want the price of this exact one. And that is none of your business.”

Me: “Great, that is a lovely color choice for that set. Unfortunately, I have to ask that question, because showers are controlled by brand-specific valves in the wall. This shower will not work witho—”

Customer: “I don’t care. What is the price?”

(I tell her the price for the set, explaining that it is a specialty color that needs to be ordered, which should only take a few days.)

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Write down that price for me.”

(I write down the price and make of the fixtures, as well as the color she is looking at, and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now, I do want to specify that if you do not buy the valves, the shower won’t work.”

Customer: “We all know that is a lie.” *rolls eyes* “You just want more money from us, even though you overcharge.”

Me: “We work off of manufacturing prices here, but each brand really does have their own valve—”

Customer: “Just stop talking. I am really done with your lies. Now, I want this shower. When will it get here?”

Me: “Would you like to order it today?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “Are you stupid? I have my receipt right now.”

(She waves the handwritten paper in my face that is obviously in no way an order form. I never gave any indication that it was. She merely asked for the price.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is just pricing.”

Customer: “What are you talking about now?”

Me: “Ma’am, you asked for a price. What you are holding is a price.”

Customer: “Well, order it then!”

Me: “If you would like to have a seat—”

Customer: “Just order it!”

Me: “Okay, I need a full name and phone number.”

Customer: “Those are private.”

Me: “Um, well, I need to put them in our system. That way, when the order comes in, I have a way to contact you.”

Customer: “That is not true. I order things all the time and they never ask for my number.”

Me: “Ma’am, how else would we be able to contact you when your order has arrived?”

Customer: “I am uncomfortable with your handling my information. I am going to go somewhere else.”


(Two weeks later, I get a phone call:)

Customer: “Where is my order?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you never placed an order.”

Customer: “I have a receipt!”

Me: “Ma’am, you have a price. I asked for your information, but you left before anything could be ordered.”

Customer: “You should have ordered it anyway!”

Me: “Ma’am, no money was put down, so it was not possible for anything to be ordered. Half of the cost must be put down first. You informed me that you were going to order elsewhere.”

Customer: “This is extortion!”

Me: “Ma’am, I never took money from you.”

(The customer hangs up. She came back in three days later, and still didn’t buy anything after another employee informed her she needed to purchase the right valves so that her shower would work.)

His Innuendo Sucks

, , , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I am working self-checkout at the time of this order. An older gentleman, probably around his early 80s, is having difficulty putting the cash into the bill slot, so I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you need any help with that?”

Customer: “Yes, I just can’t figure out where to put my money.”

(I hold my hand out for the money and put it in for him. The machines take the money very quickly, so I make a seemingly innocent comment as joke.)

Me: “Well, that certainly sucked it back very quickly, didn’t it?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like my wife!”

(I didn’t know what to say, so I just told him to have a good day and walked back to my till.)

Rocking On Through Your Shift

, , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(I am working the register. A woman approaches to return two items: ribbon and a five-pound bag of decor rocks. I scan the slip, and it says that I cannot return the rocks, as they were purchased as a clearance item.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can return the ribbon, but I cannot return the rocks because they were bought on clearance.”

Customer: “But I don’t need them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the register will not let me.”

Customer: *incoherent mumble*

(I process the return of the ribbon as normal, with no other issues.)

Me: “Here you are.” *hands her the bag with her return slip and the non-returnable rocks*

Customer: *throws the bag back at me, hitting me in the chest and chin with five pounds of rocks* “UGH! I said throw them away! I don’t want them, and I am not taking it home!”

(She stomps off.)

Me: *to next customer* “Want a bag of rocks?”

Raining Outrageous Requests

, , , , | Right | September 21, 2017

(Due to the fact that it is SUMMER, and FLORIDA, we are having our afternoon rain shower…)

Tourist: “Hey! You!”

Me: “Yes, sir? Can I help you?”

Tourist: “Yeah, you see, I am from Brazil, and I brought my family here to enjoy the park, but it is raining!”

Me: “Oh, yes, well, Florida showers normally are pretty short.”

Tourist: “I can’t believe this! I thought this was [Park]! It can’t rain at [Park]! Who do I need to speak to about this?!”

Me: “Well, sir, it does actually happen quite often, and if you really wanted to talk to someone, I would recommend talking to God, as He is the only one who can get the rain to stop.”

(The tourist walked away sputtering about “Terrible Customer Service” and how they “can’t believe it’s raining!”)

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