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Customers Like This Is Why You Need A Holiday

| Germany | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Hotels & Lodging

(Every year, we close the hotel for our annual holiday for 4-5 weeks mid-November to mid-December. This is widely published everywhere. We have a promotion with a well-known tour operator who issues vouchers for a menu for two. We get very little money for these vouchers, but it is good publicity and people have to book in advance for a date that suits both parties.)

Caller: “I have a voucher from [Tour Company], and I would like to book a table for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, that date is during our annual holiday. The hotel is closed at that time.”

Caller: “But I so wanted to come and eat at your restaurant.”

Me: “Sorry, we are closed at that time of year; can I offer you a booking for another date?”

Caller:“No, I want that date. Why is that not possible?”

Me: “The hotel is dark and cold, there are no supplies, the cold storage and everything is switched off, and the staff is on holiday.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you come back from holiday and open the restaurant for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but it is just logistically not possible.”

Caller:“That is lousy customer service. I demand you open your restaurant for me on that date I want.”

Me: “You expect me to fly back from Turkey on day eight of my two-week sightseeing tour, to reopen the hotel especially so you can have dinner with your voucher?”

Caller: “Yes! Now, that was not so hard, was it?”

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Not The Prettiest Of Flowers

| Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior

(I deliver arrangements for flowers. I take a large flower arrangement to an office where it’s supposed to be sent.)

Me: “Hi, I have a delivery for [Woman]—”

Woman: “No, I don’t want to buy anything. Shut the door on your way out.”

Me: “Ma’am, the flowers are already pai—”

Woman: “Did you not hear me? GET THE F*** OUT! I’m not buying s***!”

(Getting annoyed I look at the enclosure card to see who purchased them. The card read “Happy Birthday, Love Jack.”)

Me: “They’re from someone named Jack. They wanted to wish you a happy birthday. As I was trying to say before you kept interrupting me, they’re already paid for.”

(She turned bright red as I set the vase on her desk.)

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They’re Not Cosplaying Around

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Underaged

(I’m working an armorer’s booth at a sci-fi convention. Company policy is we can’t even sell the polypropylene — rubber substitute — training blades to anyone under 18. Two guys walk up an hour after the show opens, clearly buddies; one is about 15, the other has a young face but a full beard. They ask about training knives for about 10 minutes, and then pick out the ones they want.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Sorry, I have to ask. How old are you?”

Bearded Guy: “17. Why?”

Me: “I bet you’re going to regret being so honest, but I can’t sell these to anyone under 18. If one of your parents is here and comes to buy them for you, no problem, but you can’t buy them without an adult guardian present.”

(They wheedle and whine for a while and finally give up. Five hours and hundreds of customers later, two guys come up to the booth. One looks to be baby-faced and is wearing big sunglasses. The other looks young, but has a full beard. Something in my brain clicks that, sans sunglasses, I’ve seen this combo before… They pick out the knives they want without a word, and start to hand me money.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Sorry, I have to ask, how old are you?”

Bearded Guy: “18.”

Me: “Funny. I could swear you were 17 this morning…”

Bearded Guy: “No, I’ve never been here before!”

Me: *to his friend* “And at a convention where every second booth is selling cosplay masks, you try to disguise yourself with sunglasses?”

(They grumble and swear at me for a minute, trying to convince me I’m imagining things.)

Me: *to the bearded one* “Let’s make this simple. Do you have a driver’s license or health card with a birth date?”

(They gave up and walked off.)

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A Common Light-Bulb Moment

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(The phone rings. When I answer, I recognize a lady I’d helped the day before.)

Customer: “When I bought my light yesterday, the lady didn’t sell me any bulbs to go with it.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. You didn’t want them because you said you already had some at home.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t. I don’t know why you’d have that impression. Anyway, I’m in another lighting store now, and they say they don’t have that bulb.”

Me: “Really? That’s just a bulb with a candelabra base. It’s extremely common and dozens of different bulbs would fit. I’m surprised that any lighting store wouldn’t have it! Perhaps if you phrase it differently they might recognize it. Some people describe it as a ‘small base’ or an ‘E12′ base.”

Customer: “Look, they DON’T HAVE IT.”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. We carry them all the time. I’m looking at some right now if you’d like to come back in.”

Customer: “I’m in [Town 20 minutes away]. I’m NOT coming all the way back.”

Me: “Well, like I said, it’s a very common bulb. You should be able to find them at dollar stores, grocery stores, hardware stores… anywhere that sells bulbs, really.”

Customer: “I’m not driving all over town just because your employees didn’t give me any bulbs!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, what would you like me to do for you?”

Customer: “I want you to mail them to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t do that. Among other reasons, the postage would cost far more than the bulbs themselves.”

Customer: “Well, then, somebody needs to deliver them to my house.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t spare any employees for that.”

Customer: “This is horrible customer service! I’m never shopping there again!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Did you have any other questions?”

Customer: “No!” *hangs up*

(Twenty minutes later, she showed up at our store, but not to buy the bulbs. She returned the fixture.)

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Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Time

(The store closes at 10:00 pm, and it’s 9:59. I am straightening while my coworker rings up customers. Two women are the last customers in line.)

Customer #1: “Oh, look, clearance items!”

Customer #2: “I love a good sale!”

(They walk away and start browsing through the clearance bins. The “We are closed” announcement is made. Five minutes later…)

Customer #1: “I’ll take these books, and this item from clearance. Make sure to ring it up as 75% off!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, clearance items are currently 50% off.”

Customer #2: “Really? That’s not much of a deal. Maybe you shouldn’t get it.”

Customer #1: “Hmm. I don’t know… How much will it be with my discount card?

(My coworker totals up her savings, then the total cost without her card, then the cost if the customer “waited till the clearance was better.” It is now ten after, and the manager has come out to see why the register’s still on.)

Customer #1: “Okay, I guess I’ll take it.”

(They are rung up, and walking towards the door. Her hand is on the knob.)

Customer #1: “You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think I want this after all. Can I return it?”

Manager: “Let me get that done quickly for you, seeing as how we are CLOSED.”

Customer #2: “Oh, you guys have chocolate!”

(The manager rings the return lightning-fast, while Customer #2 looks at the chocolate.)

Manager: “There, you’re set. Have a lovely ni—”

Customer #1: “Is your cafe still open?”

Manager: “No, as we have been closed for twenty minutes.”

Customer #1: “Dang, I wanted some coffee. Well, I have to go to the bathroom. Just a minute.”

(She meanders towards the restrooms, pausing every few steps to look at a display. Customer #2 stays at the registers, studying the chocolate. Manager and Cashier quickly close out the register.)

Customer #2: “How much would these candy bars be, if I wanted one?”

Manager: “Ma’am, the prices are on the display sign. And we couldn’t sell you one anyway, because we are CLOSED.”

Customer #2: *huffs as [Customer #1] returns from the restroom* “Come on, they don’t want our money! He won’t even sell me a d*** candy bar!”

(They finally left, a half-hour after we closed, having spent a grand total (post-return) of $3.75.)

Related:

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 20

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 19

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