(I work in a country club where the customers tend to be wealthier people who are used to getting their way. A waiter comes into the kitchen with a plate of food that went out no more than five minutes ago.)

Waiter: “Umm… This guy wants a different meal.”

Me: “Why? What’s wrong with it?”

Waiter: “He said it was too fishy tasting, and too… saffron-y.”

Me: “It’s poached walleye in saffron sauce! What did he expect?”

Waiter: “I’m not sure…”

(I work for the unemployment hotline for Pennsylvania. Money gets deposited at 12 am on Thursdays but doesn’t usually become available until a few minutes later. At 12:01 a recipient calls in, obviously intoxicated, and from the music in the background is probably at the bar.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the unemployment hotline. How can I help you?”

Recipient: “Yeah, my money isn’t on my d*** card! What the h*** is going on?”

Me: “Well, sometimes it can take a few minutes for the money to be available, and—”

Recipient: “I just want my f****** money and you need to give it to me!”

Me: “Sir, if you can just be patient, and you filed this week, it should be there.”

Recipient: “Well, it better be or I’m gonna come down there and rape—” *stops himself* “—I’m, I’m gonna be very upset.”

Me: “Ok. Well, is there anything else I can do for you?”

Recipient: “No, that’s all. I’m sorry. I’m very drunk.”

Related:

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 10

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 9

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8

Customer: “I want to return this ink because my printer doesn’t work anymore, and I want to get the ink for my new printer in exchange.”

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh. Do you know how you paid for it? Maybe I can look up a receipt for you.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you know when you bought it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Um… okay… Well, I guess I can give you store credit since it isn’t open, but I just have to check the cheapest price it’s sold at in the last six weeks and give it to you back at that price.”

Customer: “Why would you do that? It wasn’t on sale when I bought it.”

Me: “But without a receipt, I don’t have proof of that, so I have to give it to you at the cheaper price if there is one.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This brand of ink doesn’t even go on sale!”

Me: “It does, just not as often.”

Customer: “It wasn’t on sale when I bought it!”

Me: “Okay then, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Then I’m going to check the computer for the last sale price. It’s store policy.”

(I check and it was in fact on sale for 10% off a month ago, so I tell her this.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re going to take $5 off my ink for a stupid store policy! It wasn’t on sale when I bought it! And don’t tell me you need to see a receipt because that’s ridiculous! I want to exchange it for this new ink so there shouldn’t be any money being exchanged!”

Me: “Well, the two brands of ink here aren’t the same price, so we have to either give you the sale price or you have you pay whatever the difference is. Just because you’re getting a new item at the same time doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay full price.”

Customer: “FINE! Look up my receipt! I paid for it on this credit card!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get my manager to get it.”

(I page my manager to come over and she is just finishing up with a customer.)

Customer: “What are we waiting for?!”

Me: “My manager. I said she had to find the receipt.”

(My manager comes over and the customer gives her the credit card.)

Customer: “WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY CARD!?”

Manager: “To the office, to look up your receipt on our computer.”

Customer: “NO! YOU ARE NOT TAKING MY CREDIT CARD INTO A DIFFERENT ROOM!”

(The customer continued to yell at my manager and me for another few minutes, until finally my manager said we would give her the full price back but only in store credit. I then go to process the exchange.)

Me: “Okay, so just because there’s no receipt, I need some information. Your first and last name?”

Customer: “EXCUSE ME?! I’m not giving you my name!”

Manager: “It’s store policy to take all this information without a receipt.”

(The customer reluctantly gives me her information and I process the exchange. After she leaves:)

Manager: “WOW, you think she had something to hide?”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 29
Refunder Blunder, Part 28
Refunder Blunder, Part 27

(I book hotels for major hotel chains at a call centre. The customer phones in, and immediately the words I hear are:)

Caller: “Is this how you run a business?”

Me: “How is it I can assist you today, miss?”

Caller: “I have been sitting in this parking lot for 45 minutes waiting to check in! But the rooms aren’t ready, and I have no time to go get my nails done for my wedding tomorrow!”

(Glances at the clock.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss. I understand your frustration from the stress of planning a wedding; however, check in time isn’t until 3:00, and I’m showing it’s only 2:30 at that location. If you wanted to go get your nails done, and then come back, your room would be ready at that time.”

Caller: “I don’t have time for that now! They’ll be closing soon! It takes too long to f****** drive over there!”

Me: “Oh, how long does it usually take?”

Caller: “45 minutes!”

(When I asked why she hadn’t gone to get her nails done instead of sitting in the parking lot, she said “You expect me to drag my disabled parents all around town with me?!” Because apparently keeping them in a hot car waiting for us to check you in a room that isn’t really is a much better option.)

(A customer calls up chasing a refund for £338.)

Me: “I’ve found your refund. It went out on two days, the 20th and 21^st, and should be in your bank in three to five working days.”

Customer: “I was told it would be three days, so I should already have it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but by policy banks have it to allow three to five working days for any transactions of this kind to clear. I can’t speed up their process.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to speak to my solicitor. She’s a London solicitor and won’t take this crap.”

Me: “I’m sure if you explained to her what I’ve told you that she’ll advise that you wait until Tuesday, which is the final day that second part of the refund should be with you.”

Customer: *goes on a rant about having bowel cancer and being in hospital for three weeks on the Tuesday*

Me: “You could have somebody you know and trust check for you with the bank on that day.”

Customer: “Nobody is allowed to do that for me.”

Me: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that, but I can’t speed things up as it is banking policy.”

Customer: “You have no sympathy for a woman with cancer, do you?”

Me: “I assure you, I do. I have had family who had cancer.”

Customer: “You know what? I hope you get bowel cancer so you have to go through what I am.”

Me: *thinking I should hang up but can help* “I’m sure your refund will be with you by Tuesday.” *sees a manager at this stage* “You wanted to speak to a manager before and I’ve just seen one of our customer service managers sit down at his desk. If you allow me to put you on hold, I’ll explain the situation to him and he can give you any further information.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you. You said you couldn’t find a manager before.”

Me: “I know, but I’ve just—”

Customer: “No. I don’t believe you. You’re going to put me on hold and end the call.”

Me: “I assure you, I won’t.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!” *hangs up*