Customer: “Do you have those plastic things that go in the holes in desks?”

Me: “Oh, grommets? Unfortunately, we don’t sell them in the store anymore, but you can get them online.”

Customer: “No, I know it’s not a grommet. It’s just a black plastic bit that makes the hole in your desk look nice. You know, where you feed your wires through and stuff.”

Me: “Yes, that’s a grommet. We used to have them in the store, but we don’t anymore.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not a grommet. It’s for the hole in your desk where you feed your wires. I know you can also get some that have a little flap on them so they can close the hole up completely.”

Me: “Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about. We don’t have them in the store.”

Customer: “Okay, but what would you call that?”

Me: “A grommet.”

Customer: “No, not a grommet. I can’t think of what it would be called. What would you call it?”

Me: “I would call it a grommet.”

Customer: “But that’s not what it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know any other name for them, so I have no idea what I would search if that’s not the name you want to give it. But I know what you’re talking about and we don’t have them. If you need it today, maybe they have them at [Store]?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll go look. So, if I go there and I need help, what should I tell them I’m looking for?”

Me: *regretfully* “A grommet.”

(I work in the health and beauty section of a big-box style store. I overhear the pharmacist direct a customer to a specific aisle, so I stop them to see what they need help finding.)

Me: “Were you guys looking for something in particular?”

Customer: “I’m looking for astringent. [Specific Brand] carries it.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.”

(I lead her over to the aisle and can’t find what she is describing.)

Me: “I’m sorry but it looks like we don’t carry that product. What do you use it for? I might be able to offer similar items.”

Customer: “I use it to help my skin since it’s oily, and I also use it before I put on makeup because it helps it stay on better.”

Me: “Wait. Are you looking for a primer or something more like a toner?”

Customer: “What are those?”

Me: “Primer is the first base for putting on makeup. It sometimes has extra benefits for addressing skin concerns, but it just makes the makeup last longer through the day. Toner helps with pores, evening out the skin’s tone, and helps the skin with excess dirt and oil.”

Customer: “I want that.”

Me: “Which one? They are two separate products.”

Customer: “I want one that does both, though.”

(Sigh.)

(I have a demolition business, and I get the following call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Business].”

Customer: “I see you do demolition and I was wondering how it worked.”

Me: “What do you have that needs to be demolished?”

Customer: “A mobile home.”

Me: “Well, we come out and take a look at it, and then let you know how much it would be to do the work and haul off the debris. If you want to proceed with the work, then we would do it.”

Customer: “What, you mean I would have to pay you to get rid of it for me?”

Me: “Yes, that is our business. We do the work for money.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not going to pay to get it done when I can just give it to someone and they can tear it down for free.”

Me: “We are a business that gets paid for our services, but good luck with your project and thanks for calling.”

Customer: “Yeah, not going to pay you to do it, so thanks for nothing.” *click*

(Just wondering why he was calling a professional business in the first place when he had no intention of paying.)

(An older, Asian-American woman approaches me. She speaks with a thick accent.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Could you help me?”

Me: “Of course. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “Cimin.”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Customer: “Cimin?”

Me: “Cinnamon?”

Customer: “Yes…”

Me: “Okay, we have a small grocery area, so we could go check…Let me show you.”

(I lead her there.)

Customer: *looks bewildered at the spices* “No… Cimin!” *gestures to floor*

Me: “Oh, do you mean cement?”

Customer: *smiling* “Yes!”

Me: “That will be right over here! I’m sorry for the misunderstanding!”

(I then showed her what we had and helped her find the right crack filler, which was what she was looking for.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you! You’re so helpful!… I’m so glad God made you!”

(Like most places, we offer our signature burger with double patties. It even has its own combo number on the menu. There are no promotions or specials on it. We are, however, running a two-for-$7 special on our regular signature burger. I’m listening to this exchange over the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Can I get the double [signature burger]?” 

Cashier: “Absolutely. Would you like fries and a drink with that?”

Customer: “Yes, please.” 

Cashier: “Okay, your total today is [around $13].” 

Customer: “That’s the double?”

Cashier: “Yes, you have the double [burger] combo with fries and [drink].”

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Cashier: “The double [burger] combo is [price] plus tax.”

Customer: “But the sign says the double is $7!”

Cashier: “Oh! You mean the two-for-$7!”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I said: the double!”