Numbers Increase With Age

, , , | | Right | May 27, 2018

(I am a switchboard operator on the evening shift at a large hospital. I get a call from an 88-year-old female patient’s room phone.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Patient: “Where exactly am I?”

Me: “You are a patient at [Hospital]. Do you need your nurse?”

Patient: “No, but, I need you to explain some strange numbers someone has written on the wall of my room!”

Me: *getting paper and pen to write down the numbers* “What numbers are on your wall?”

Patient: “I see one, one, one, one, two, zero, one, six, then 415, then 4602 and a girls name!”

Me: “Oh, I see what it says. It is the date, 1/1/2016, your room number is 415, and if you want to call your nurse on the phone, you just dial 4602. The name is the name of your nurse for the night.”

Patient: “Well, thank you. I didn’t understand this at all.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Now, do you know where you are?”

Patient: “Why do you need to know what I weigh?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I just want to be sure you understand you are in the hospital.”

Patient: “Yes, she did! And, she will probably come back any minute.”

Me: “Thanks, ma’am. Call me anytime.”

(I called her nurse and asked her just to look in on her.)

Like A Baby Stealing Candy

, , , , | | Right | May 27, 2018

(A mother who is known to not watch her kids is talking on her phone. We have a large candy section out that has gum tape, gum beepers, candy phones, candy necklaces, and many other candy toys. The other cashier is ringing her items up, and I see her youngest one looking at a gum beeper. She tries to open it.)

Me: “Sorry, honey, but if you want that, your mom has to buy it first.”

(Her mom looks down at her daughter and says no, but winks at the same time. She puts it back, and the cashier starts to ring more items, but now the mom starts to argue with her about a sale that was last week. I am ringing up and talking to my customer. I look over to see the lady’s daughter ripping open the package.)

Me: “Ma’am, you have to pay for that now.”

(Now the other cashier looks embarrassed that she missed that. The mom starts yelling at me while I page the manager. The mother does not take the beeper away, and the daughter shoves a stick of gum in her mouth.)

Manager: “Sorry, but your child opened it up and took a piece.”

Customer: “Well, she only had one piece; I will just pay for the one stick. I don’t have the money for all of it.”

Manager: “Sorry, but you have to pay for it all.”

(The mother looks at her child and her child, almost as if trained, starts crying. Now customers are yelling at my manager, saying that he should just give the girl the gum, and they start to yell at the cashiers).

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, this is the only time.”

(The manager paid for the candy and the mother walked off. The customers gave the other cashier and me angry looks while they went through the line. After that, whenever the mother was in line we had a stock boy close by. She tried it four other times.)

A Little Dishonesty To Earn An Honest Buck

, , , , | | Right | May 27, 2018

(I work at a pretty popular bank in a small city. We’re really focused on good customer interactions, so I greet each and every customer with a smile. On this particular day a father and his three sons walk in and come up to my window.)

Me: “Hi! My name is [My Name]; how can I help you today?”

Man: “Hi! My son, [Son], found this 100-dollar bill on the ground! And I want you to look up who it belongs to.”

Me: “What?”

Man: “You know, the codes on the bills… I want to make sure it wasn’t stolen money or anything like that. Can’t have my kids handling dishonest money! So, yeah, just track it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not able to track a bill. There is no way to find out where it was or who it belonged to.”

Man: “Oh, I see. So, it doesn’t belong to anyone else?”

Me: “Well, it…” *I think hard about whether or not I want to continue to deal with him* “No, it didn’t! It’s all yours!”

Man: “Great! See, [Son]? You have $100 now!”

Not At The Top(ping) Of The Hiring Pile

, , , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(A customer has just asked to mix two sundae flavors together. She picks the two flavors that have the most toppings in them. They’re hell to top on their own; together is going to be miserable. My manager clarifies with her in case she doesn’t realize exactly what comes with each.)

Manager: “Ma’am, that is a lot of toppings to put in. That’s going to be two different kinds of cookie pieces, chocolate chips, peanut butter, strawberries, and cheesecake pieces; are you sure that’s what you want?”

Customer: “Jesus f****** Christ! Can you do it or not?”

Manager: *gritting his teeth* “I’ll have that right out.”

Customer: “Hey, wait, can I have an application? Are you hiring?”

(Later, after she’s finished her application, she waves me over impatiently from where I’m busy taking an order so she can ask me to get my manager back to her.)

Manager: “I really won’t be hiring for another month, just so you know.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just hire sooner?”

(I asked my manager if he would consider her, because she seemed like a bundle of sunshine to work with, but he said no.)

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle, Part 2

, , , , | | Right | May 26, 2018

(I’m working as a commissioned salesman at a large music gear retailer. A gentleman comes in soon after we open on a Monday morning and says that he needs a complete music set-up for a newly opened local church: PA, drums, guitar, bass, and keyboard gear. I agree to help, as it has been a slow month and I can use the sale. The guy proceeds to nickel and dime me for every possible discount he can for just under two hours, mentioning that it’s “for a church” at least a dozen times, grinding so hard that in the end, a $12,000 deal is making barely $150 profit.)

Me: “Okay, with the stands and cables it comes to [total].”

Customer: *scratches his chin for a second, looking at the total on the screen* “That still seems a bit high. I really think God would like a better deal.”

Me: *exasperated and ready to just get the guy out of the store* “I’m pretty sure God would also like for me to be able to feed my family this month, too, man.”

Customer: *somewhat sheepish* “Oh, well, yeah, I suppose he would.”

(He paid the quoted price.)

Thou Shalt Not Use The Lord’s Name To Haggle

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