Shake off the week of bad customers… with even more bad customers! Find for your reading pleasure below, a roundup of the most popular stories of the last week (September 19th – September 25th 2016)!

• No Point Crying Over Spoiled Milk (980 votes)
• Patiently Aware (924 votes)
• You’ve Enabled Me (889 votes)
• See All The Blood Drain From Their Face (875 votes)
• You Will Be Ejected From The Building (818 votes)

See more roundups here! Don’t forget to check out this week’s comic!

Me: “When is your wife’s date of birth?”

Caller: “I am not sure; let me just ask.”

(A few seconds later.)

Caller: “It’s uh… today. She was born in 1979.”

Me: “You’re in real trouble now, aren’t you?”

Caller: *nervous laugh*

(I am working late night at the fuel center. One customer pulls up to the pump and a girl — the customer’s daughter, I assume, who looks to be anywhere from 9 to 11 years old — comes to the window and hands me a ten dollar bill. I set the pump for ten dollars. The customer only pumps $9.54 and the same girl returns to the window.)

Me: *hands her 46 cents* “And that’s 46 cents back. Thank you. Have a good night!”

Girl: *slowly takes the change and stares at me*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry did you need the receipt?”

Girl: “I gave you ten dollars?”

(Just to make sure I pull up the previous transactions and double check.)

Me: “Yes, dear. And she only pumped $9.54, so you get .46 back.”

(She fixes me with a skeptical look and rushes back to the car. I see the mother, the girl, and a younger girl outside the car and all three of them march up to the window.)

Woman: “I paid ten dollars!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but you only pumped $9.54, so you get back 46 cents as change.”

Woman: *getting irritated* “I paid ten dollars!”

Me: *sigh* “YES, and you pumped 9.54 and hung up the pump so you get change!”

Woman: “Why would I not get all ten?! I PAID ten!”

Me: “You HUNG up the PUMP after ONLY PUMPING $9.54. Would you like me to set it for .46 cents?”

(They turn to leave; I take a deep breath and turn the speaker volume all the way down.)

Woman: *to her daughters* “Come on, this b**** is dumb.”

(I finally lose my cool and crank the volume.)

Me: “EXCUSE ME, ma’am, but I do not appreciate being called that, or hearing that kind of language used in front of CHILDREN, no less.”

Woman: “What is your name!?”

Me: “[Full Name]! At least I can count!”

(I saved the receipt for that transaction and told both my supervisor, the service desk clerk, and the manager on duty what happened. I didn’t hear another word about it.)

(An older gentleman returns some shoes in a bag with the brand’s name on it. I think nothing of it at first because most people put their returns in any bag they have. I go through the usual process — what’s wrong with the item, do you have the receipt, etc. He says the shoes are the wrong size and he indeed has the receipt.)

Me: *looks at the receipt* “Uh… sir, you didn’t purchase these at [Store]; they’re from [Other Store] – in [Far Away City].”

Customer: “But ya’ll sell Nikes!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but you’d have to go to [Other Store]. We can’t process this.”

(I start to explain that not only can we not just take any product because of inventory purposes but the register would likely not even be able to process the return.)

Customer: *incredulously* “I’d have to go all the way to [Faraway City]?”

Me: “Um, I think they have one in [Nearby City], in the mall there, I think. Would you like me to call…?”

(He took his shoes and receipt and left.)

(It is thirty minutes until closing time when a woman strolls in with a large bag of items, mostly brand name clothes – easily three hundred dollars worth of merchandise. Of course she has no receipt and so I will have to give her store credit. I process the items; there’s a lot of things so it takes a while. My phone rings and I notice it’s a call from inside the store.)

Me: *on the phone* “Customer service.”

Coworker: *on the phone* “Get her driver’s license number.” *hangs up*

(I ask the woman for her license, and while she digs for it she gets out her phone — which she didn’t dial anything nor did it ring — and pretends to tell someone she’s at [Store] doing some returns. I glance at my coworker and the people greeter, who is part of loss prevention, and they are both scowling. My coworker is shaking her head. I know they’re thinking the same thing I’m thinking. I write down her DL number and put it under my counter and continue to ring up the returns.)

Woman: *peers over my counter* “I need that piece of paper back.”

Me: *puzzled a moment, and also somewhat annoyed at having my concentration broken* “Hmm? Oh, uh…”

(I realize she wants her license number back. I don’t know what to say as I’ve never had to do a transaction this big before.)

Woman: “Can I have that piece of paper?”

(My coworker walks back by.)

Coworker: “When we do a transaction this big we have to take the driver’s license number. We keep it confidential.” *she gives me a look*

Me: “We’ll destroy it when we’re done here, okay?”

(The woman goes to the display across from the service desk, of electronic toys, cell phone accessories, etc. She picks up a set of earbuds and drops them into her purse.)

Me: “I have to scan that!”

Coworker: *quietly, to me* “Force of habit.”