(I explain to a customer I must return her damaged online item in a separate transaction from her buying the new one. It must always must be done separately.)

Customer: “OH, YEAH, THAT’S FINE!” *almost jubilant*

Me: “Okay.” *somehow knowing it won’t be*

(I return the item to her card, explaining the process as I am going. I ring up the replacement item, which is now even cheaper than she originally bought it.)

Customer: “WAIT. I DON’T GET IT. IT’S AN EVEN EXCHANGE. I SHOULD HAVE TO PAY NOTHING!”

Me: *explains it several times until she gives up and pays and goes away*

Customer: “Hi, I wanted to buy one of your premade gift boxes but I can’t spare more than 20€ on it.”

Me: “Sure, we’ve got this option over here with a piece of soap and a moisturizer.”

Customer: “I’d prefer if it had some bath bombs or bath bubbles.”

Me: “Not a problem. This other one has one of each.”

Customer: “But only one of each is not enough.”

Me: “Well, if you don’t mind spending a bit more, for 25€ you can get this one that has two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Yes, the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “And what do they have?”

Me: “The first one has a piece of soap and a moisturizer…”

Customer: “But I want bath bombs.”

Me: “…and the second one has a bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Only one of each?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And don’t you have anything with more than one bomb?”

Me: “Yes, as I already told you, there’s this option with two of each for 25€.”

Customer: “And is there no options under 20€?”

(At this point a supervisor notices I’m talking with a customer, which I shouldn’t be doing as I’m actually the stock controller. She takes over and I keep doing my job, but every time I pass near them, the conversation seems to be stuck in basically the same cycle. Around twenty minutes later, the customer comes to me again.)

Customer: *holding one of the boxes I already showed her* “What’s in this one?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “And is there one that has more than one of each?”

Me: “…yeah, this one over here, but as we’ve seen earlier it costs 25€.”

Customer: “And is there nothing under 20€?”

Me: “Look, that’s all the options we have considering your needs. The only boxes under 20€ are the ones I already showed you.”

Customer: “Oh. And what’s in those?”

Me: “A bath bomb and a bubble.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Right.”

(After this she looks very confused and starts roaming inside the store, clearly unable to make a decision. Another half an hour later she’s still around, so I decide to check on her.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “I don’t know… I’ll make a call to get another opinion on this.”

(Yet another half an hour passes when I see her in the till with the 20€ box and the 25€ one. She handles the second one to the cashier.)

Customer: “What’s in this one?”

Cashier: “Two bombs and two bubbles.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll take the other one then.”

(Later I was told by a coworker that she had been having the exact same conversation over and over with basically all of the staff.)

(This story was told to me by a coworker a few years after the event. On the evening of September 11, 2001, the restaurant is full of customers buying food or just a coffee discussing the day’s events with each other. The store closes at midnight, but many customers have lost track of the time and stay. The doors to the lobby are typically locked at 11 pm, so staff has had to help customers leave during the last hour and during cleaning. Most customers have left by midnight, but two old women remain talking to each other. Finally, the cleaning is finished and the staff is ready to clock out and go home, at about 1 am.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yes?”

Coworker: “We closed an hour ago. We’re getting ready to shut the lights off and go home.”

Woman: “Oh, we didn’t mean to keep you! But… have you heard about the power of Jesus?”

(Tired and exhausted, my coworker winds up replying:)

Coworker: “Ma’am, if you don’t go, you’re going to feel the power of Satan!”

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, when are tennis tryouts?”

Me: “I’m sorry; what was that?”

Customer: “Tennis tryouts. When are they?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about tennis tryouts.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “This is the number to call about tryouts, right? It was on the flyer.”

Me: “No, sorry, this is a restaurant.”

Customer: “I see.” *hangs up*

Manager: “Wow, why won’t you let anyone tryout for the tennis team?”

Me: “I only want the best.”

(I work for a large retailer. I have a metal allergy, and a necklace I wore the day before has given me a small red mark on the side of my neck. I didn’t think to cover it with make-up because of it’s size. A middle-aged woman comes to pay just as my supervisor is bringing me the change I have ordered. He waves me to ring her up first.)

Me: “Your total will be 9.72.”

Customer: *rather loudly* “Oh, my God.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *to my supervisor, loudly enough for everyone in line to hear* “This GIRL has a hickey on her neck! How could you even let her ring me up?! She should be fired immediately!”

(She gives me a smug, snarky look before turning expectantly to my supervisor, who looks a little lost.)

Me: *finally realizing what she is talking about* “Actually, ma’am, what you are referring to is a reaction to my metal allergy. I wore a necklace yesterday made of nickel by mistake.”

(She stares at me for a good ten seconds, then huffs.)

Customer: “Well, you ought to cover it. It’s disgusting.”

(I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just finished her transaction as quickly as I could. After she left, my supervisor turned to me and smiled.)

Supervisor: “I’m glad you handled that. The things I would have said could have cost me my job!”