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Not Playing With Phrasing

| Hays, KS, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque

(I am working for a third party that provides customer service for a very popular TV/Internet/phone company. During the evening shift you get a lot of interesting calls. In this case, I am the one who says something I wish I could take back. When we send a signal to a cable box to try to reboot it, we call it “hitting the box.”)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to watch a show and it’s giving me an error.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I know that’s frustrating. Can you tell me what the error says so I can see how we can fix it?”

Customer: *reads me the error code; it’s for a premium channel*

Me: “Okay, I can see this is for a premium channel. Let me make sure we’ve got the channel active on your account.”

(I verify his account info, and see that he has subscribed to the Playboy channel, and nothing else.)

Me: “I can see that you’re currently subscribed to the Playboy channel. Is that the channel you’re seeing the error code on?”

Customer: “Yes. I really need it to work.”

Me: “No problem; let me hit your box and see if I can get it up for you.”

Customer: “…”

Me: *mortified*

Customer: “…”

Me: “I… I mean… um…”

Customer: *bursts into laughter*

Me: *trying to control my laughter* “I mean… let me… send a signal… to your cable box… and see if I can get your… channel… working again.”

(I got it fixed. He was able to… enjoy… his evening.)

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Doesn’t Have The Head For This Kind Of Work

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work as a dispatcher for my hometown.)

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My husband has been lying on the couch moaning in pain all day; I think he needs to go to the hospital. My address is [address].”

Me: “Okay, an ambulance is on the way. Did your husband eat anything unusual today?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Does he have any allergies?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where did he say the pain is coming from?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, but did he do anything unusual today that could cause his pain?”

Caller: “Um, well, he shot himself in the head this morning.”

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What An Old Bag

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m working the front desk of a grocery store. The employee that is assigned to collect the shopping carts from the parking lot brings in a purse he found left behind. Most women are happy and relieved their purse is returned. The woman who owns this purse comes in a few minutes later.)

Woman: *in a rush and in a near panic* “Did someone turn in purse? I just pulled out of the parking lot and realized it was missing and it wasn’t where I left my cart.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, a purse was turned in. Can you describe it to me?”

(She describes the purse exactly and I go in back and get it and give it to her.)

Woman: *relieved* “Oh, thank you so much. Did someone turn it in?”

Me: “Yes, one of the guys just turned it in a couple of minutes ago.”

Woman: “Which one?”

Me: “[Employee]. He’s bringing in a load of carts now.”

(The woman walks over to him and goes into psycho mode in an instant.)

Woman: “Did you turn in my purse?”

Employee: “Yes, I found it.”

Woman: *raising her voice* “Did you steal anything from it?”

Employee: “No! I just turned it in.”

Woman: *waving her finger in his face* “If you even peeked in here I’ll have you up on charges!”

Employee: “No! I didn’t…”

(The manager overhears this.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I was outside when I saw him find your purse. He brought it inside and immediately turned it in.”

Woman: “So you are all in on this? You all had plenty of time to go through here and steal something. If there is so much as a nickel missing from here, the next time I come in here it will be with the police!” *storms out*

Manager: “Have a nice day?”

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