Mmm, Strawberries And Meat-Cream, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 1, 2020

When I have to bag groceries, I like to keep the raw meats separate from any other items that the customers may be buying to avoid any kind of contamination. One night, I happen to bag for a customer who is buying a few packages of cold cuts and a package of ground beef. I instinctively put the cold cuts in one bag and the ground beef in another.

Customer: “You don’t have to use two bags. You can put both in the same bag.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I was told not to put raw meat and fresh food in the same bag to avoid contamination.”

Customer: “And I’m telling you to put them in the same d*** bag!”

Me: “Ma’am, I could get in trouble for doing that.”

Customer: “I don’t care! Put them in the same d*** bag now! I want to have to carry two bags to my car!”

I still refuse to put the raw meat in the same bag as the cold cuts, so the customer takes the bag with the ground beef and shoves it inside the bag with the cold cuts.

Customer: “You’re completely useless, you stupid girl! When a customer tells you to do something for them, you do it!”

Customer #2: “Will you stop harassing the poor girl for doing her job right and just get out of here already?! You’re holding up the line over something stupid!”

The first customer leaves and the second customer turns to me.

Customer #2: “You are doing a wonderful job. Don’t let people like that tell you otherwise!”

Mmm, Strawberries And Meat-Cream

Wasn’t Banking On You Being Open

, , , , , | Right | September 30, 2020

I’m a teller at a bank. It’s the middle of the health crisis, so we don’t have many customers coming in. One coworker and I are sitting behind the counter. The door opens.

Customer: “Oh, sorry. I’m just checking if you’re open.” *Leaves*

My coworker and I shared confused looks.

Zero Tolerance On Those Sizes

, , , , , | Right | September 30, 2020

A well-dressed, slim — but not particularly so — middle-aged female customer walks into our store and browses for a while. Then, she approaches me, speaking with a typical Australian accent.

Customer: “What’s the smallest size you stock?”

Me: “Our smallest label size is six, but some of the shirts fit more like a four.”

Customer: “You don’t have size zero? I wear a size zero.”

Me: “Do you mean US size zero? That’s equivalent to an Australian six.”

Customer: “No, I wear zero, not six! I always get size zero in New York.”

Me: “I understand, but that’s US size. Why not try on an Australian six and see that it’s the same?”

Customer: *Suddenly screaming* “I WEAR SIZE ZERO! WHY DON’T YOU HAVE SIZE ZERO? *Storms out*

Cuddles Have Been Booked

, , , , , , | Right | September 30, 2020

There is this book and comic store I love to go to. They are pretty relaxed and have a good choice of fantasy books.

Once, I enter the store and I see a customer has brought a very big dog which looks like a husky-shepherd mix. It is a beautiful dog with the colors of a husky but the markings of a German shepherd.

I’m a bit wary of big dogs, but this one sits perfectly docile at the heel of its owner and doesn’t even look at anybody else, so I soon forget about the dog and go on browsing the books to find something new to read.

Soon, I find something that sounds interesting and start reading the first few pages. The book is extremely good, and soon, I’m completely absorbed in it when something gently touches my elbow.

Out of reflex — I’m a cat owner and my cat pushes me for attention whenever I read — I drop my hand from the book. I feel fur under my fingertips and start petting without stopping my lecture.

It takes me at least six pages to remember that I’m not home sitting on my bed reading and petting my cat, and that there is, in fact, no way I’m petting anything small right now, since I’m still standing, my arm is not stretched in any form, and my lower arm is resting on more fur.

It’s the dog. It has sneaked away from its owner, stretched its head forward, and is now enjoying the scratch from my nicely manicured nails with drooping ears and half-closed eyes. And now that it stands right next to me, I see that it’s huge! Its head easily reaches my elbow although it sits!

I twitch a little and lift my hand, since I’m absolutely not used to dogs, and I earn a chuckle from the employees who have watched the whole scene evolve. 

Their laughter activates the owner of the dog, who was just as immersed in his book as I was in mine. He calls his dog to heel, and with one more sad look, it leaves. The owner then apologises to me, which I accept.

Later, I chat with the employees. They tell me the dog and its owner are regulars. The dog is perfectly trained, but whenever its owner is distracted, it does everything it can to sneak itself some cuddles with unsuspecting customers too immersed in books and has become quite good at finding the most susceptible targets!

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The Twist Is, They Knew The Twist All Along!

, , , | Right | September 30, 2020

A customer comes in wanting to return a small LED flashlight, the kind you twist to turn on and off.

Me: “I’d like to return this flashlight. It doesn’t work.”

Manager: “That’s fine. We’ll replace it for you.”

I turn to my coworker.

Me: “Go grab another one of these for her.”

The coworker grabs an identical flashlight and gives it to the customer. The customer leaves and the returned flashlight is marked as defective. Moments later, the same customer comes back into the store and approaches me at the counter with the replacement flashlight.

Customer: “I need to return this one, too. None of these flashlights work.”

Me: “Let me look at it.”

Customer: “It says, ‘twist to operate’, but I can’t get it to turn on.”

I inspect the flashlight for a moment, twisting it and seeing that she’s right. I unscrew the bulb part and see a small piece of paper covering the battery inside. Curious, I flip over the packaging and read the instructions: “To operate, remove protective film from battery, then twist.” I remove the film and turn the battery on.

Me: “There! All you had to do was remove that piece of film from the battery to make it work.”

Customer: *Pause* “I knew that.”

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