Bursting American Bubbles

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2017

(We are a small, UK-based company. An American customer calls one afternoon.)

Customer: “I was on your website and can only find this number. I need to you to give me the number for your American office. And you should tell whoever is in charge that international calls are expensive. I shouldn’t have to call to get an American number; you should put it on your website next to this one.”

Me: “We don’t have an American office; just this one. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “What do you mean, you don’t have an American office? Your website says you ship worldwide.”

Me: “We are a very small company. We send everything from the UK and—”

Customer: “Why are you all in the UK?”

Me: “Because we live here?”

Customer: “All of you?”

Me: “Um, yes.”

Customer: “If you don’t have an American office, then how can you ship things to us in the United States?”

Me: “We give Royal Mail money and they put it onto a plane for us.”

Customer: “I only deal with Americans.” *click*

A Flash Of Disrespect

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(My family and I are visiting the Smithsonian and are looking at the Star Spangled Banner. It says in multiple places with pictures, “No Photography.” I see a girl around my age get her phone out.)

Me: “Hey, just so you know, they don’t allow pictures. You might want to put it away so you don’t get in trouble.”

Girl: “Hey, thanks.”

(She then takes a picture right in front of the museum guard.)

Guard: “Ma’am, no photos are allowed! Please put your phone away.”

Girl: “It’s okay, though; I didn’t use the flash!”

(I heard the guard yell at five people while we were in there. Is it really so important for you to get the picture that you’re willing to damage a national treasure?)

Only Has An Outline For Online

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work in a library.)

Patron: “Which website do I go to for [topic]?”

(I suggest some sites.)

Patron: “I can’t find the website.”

Me: “Well, you have to type it in.”

Patron: “Where?”

Me: “In the address bar.”

Patron: “Where’s that?”

(I walk over to help him.)

Me: “Okay, first, you have to get online.”

Pray For Those Students…

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

Customer: “The medium drink is bigger than the large, right?”

Me: “No. The medium drink is smaller than the large.”

Customer: “Oh, so the small is bigger than a large. I’ll take that, please. I’m a teacher, so I know things like this.”

The Things You Do For A Donation

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work at an arts and crafts store. We are doing a fundraiser involving a kids’ after-school program, and I am explaining this to a couple in hopes that they might make a donation.)

Me: “Maybe your kids can join. Who knows? It could be fun for them.”

Woman: “Oh, no thanks; we don’t have kids.”

Man: “Well, we can make some, tonight…”

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