The Things You Do For A Donation

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I work at an arts and crafts store. We are doing a fundraiser involving a kids’ after-school program, and I am explaining this to a couple in hopes that they might make a donation.)

Me: “Maybe your kids can join. Who knows? It could be fun for them.”

Woman: “Oh, no thanks; we don’t have kids.”

Man: “Well, we can make some, tonight…”

QUESTION OF THE WEEK!

| Friendly Right | October 23, 2017

Throwback ThursdaysQUESTION OF THE WEEK! Our new segment that aims to spice up your Mondays with our weekly question! 

Why should someone try your favorite book?

Leave your answer in the comments!

We’ll pick the best comments and feature them as stories!

“How To Be A Lawyer” For Dummies

, , , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(An older woman comes up to buy a book for her granddaughter.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Well, I did have a question. You see…”

(She goes on to tell me a very long story about how she is drowning in credit card debt and can’t make her payments, and how the bank is going to take away her house soon. The entire story takes about ten minutes.)

Customer: “…So, I guess my question is, do you have any books that I could buy so I don’t have to hire a lawyer?”

Me: *stunned* “Um. Well, we have a finance section over there.”

Customer: “Those books are too expensive; I can’t afford to buy them.”

Me: “All right. Well, your total is $29.59.”

Customer: *pays with a credit card*

(I didn’t say anything at the time, but lady, there is no book in the world that will replace a lawyer, and you should probably not use credit cards if you’re drowning in credit card debt.)

It’s Like Talking To A Vegetable

, , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I am a second year university student working the front counter of a popular pizza shop late one night.)

Customer: “I want a meat-lovers pizza but without the meat.”

Me: “Ma’am, that would just be a cheese pizza, which you can order for half the price.”

Customer: “No, I want a vegetarian meat-lovers pizza. Just take the meat off and leave all the veggies.”

Me: “There are no vegetables on this pizza. Perhaps I can interest you in our veggie-lovers pizza instead?”

Customer: “Are you dumb?” *speaking extremely slowly* “I… want… a… vegetarian… meat-lovers… pizza.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. One veggie meat-lovers.” *places order for veggie-lovers*

(The veggie pizza is given to the customer.)

Customer: “See, what was so hard about that? Maybe you should listen to your customers more. We obviously know the menu better than you dumb dropouts.”

Can You Hear The Irony?

, , , , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(I answer the phone at my mother’s house, and since they have old party-lines in her area from forever ago, whenever the lines get wet from rain or condensation, they sound really static-filled and have a lot of feedback.)

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: *mumble mumble mumble*

Me: “Sorry, I can’t hear you. Can you speak louder?”

Lady: *slightly louder mumble mumble mumble*

Me: “You might have to yell; I really can’t hear you, sorry!”

Lady: “I’M CALLING FROM [TOWN] HEARING CLINIC TO ASK WHEN YOU LAST HAD YOUR HEARING CHECKED?!”

Me: “Never; my hearing is fine, thanks!”

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