Dad Jokes Are Getting Costly

, , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I’m taking drink orders. One of the customers, an older gentleman, has ordered “Adam’s Ale.”)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got two [Soda #1]s, a root beer, a [Soda #2], and one Sam Adams; was that the Summer Ale you wanted?”

Customer’s Daughter: *to her father* “Dad! I told you to stop doing that. One of these days they’re going to just bring the beer, and I’m going to make you pay for it.” *to me* “He means that he wants a water, like the only thing Adam and Eve had to drink. He thinks he’s funny.”

Thankful For Gender Stereotypes

, , , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(It’s just before Thanksgiving and I stop by to pick up my pre-ordered 12-pound turkey. This brand comes in a box, with handles on each side. The guy behind the counter looks up my order, then looks over the counter.)

Cashier: “Where’s your cart?”

Me: “This is all I’m buying, so I don’t need a cart.”

(He looks dubiously at my 5’4″, 125-pound frame.)

Cashier: “Are you sure? It’s pretty heavy.”

Me: “Since I regularly lift more than this in the gym, yes, I’m sure I can carry it.”

Cashier: “I really think you should get a cart!”

(Quashing my frustration, I assured him that it would be fine. He shook his head and finally brought out my turkey. It just burns me that no one would have thought twice about me carrying a 15- to 20-pound toddler, but a mere 12-pound turkey is “too much.”)

Easter: The Least-Known Jewish Holiday

, , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(At the grocery store where I work, we sell a number of specialty items around various holidays, including two varieties of round challah bread for Rosh Hashana. The rest of the year, we sell the traditional braided style, instead.)

Customer: “Where’s your challah bread with raisins in it? Why don’t you carry that one anymore? It makes the best French toast!”

Me: “Do you mean the round challah? I’m sorry. It’s one of our holiday items, so we don’t carry it right now.”

Customer: “But it is a holiday! It’s Easter!”

Pizza Parlor Tricks

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(It’s fairly late in the evening, just a couple hours before close, when a guy walks in and I go up to the counter to help him. He kind of mumbles and talks really fast at some points, but otherwise nothing really seems off.)

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Shop]. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hey, I need to pick up some pizzas.”

Me: “Okay.” *starts looking for his order in the computer, but none pop up as awaiting payment* “Have they already been paid for?”

Customer: “Yeah, we paid for ’em yesterday, but we never came and picked ’em up.”

(It’s already weird that someone would order pizza and then come in to try and pick it up the next day, but I figure it’s not a big deal to simply retake his order. Carryout orders get canceled or simply never get picked up for various reasons all the time; if something has been sitting on our heating racks for more than two or three hours, we always cancel the order and just eat it ourselves, since we would have to remake it if they eventually showed up, anyway. Usually this just happens when someone calls ahead or orders online, so if they have already paid for it, it was on a card, and the transaction is canceled, and if they chose cash, we haven’t received it yet, so everything works out.)

Me: “You ordered them yesterday? So, you want to replace the order right now, then?”

Customer: “Yeah, unless you’ve still got them around, but I kind of doubt that.”

Me: “No, I’m sure that we don’t. What did you have?”

(He orders two pizzas using a special that makes them almost half price, and for the second one he has to call someone to get the toppings. While he is on the phone, I call over the manager in charge, an assistant manager, to ask if we can access yesterday’s orders in case I need to prove to him that his previous transaction was voided. He says only the general manager can access that information, but he stays near the counter anyway. The guy comes back and orders his second pizza.)

Me: “All right, your total is $19.02, and I know you said it was paid for yesterday, but don’t worry; we would have canceled the order and the payment, so we’ll just take a new one right now.”

Customer: “But we paid cash.”

Me: “Oh. You paid cash? In the store? And then left, even though we would most likely have quoted you like ten minutes?”

Customer: “Yeah! I had a receipt. I would have brought it, but I don’t have it, unfortunately.”

Me: “Uhh…” *to manager* “Do you know if we were over, like, 19 bucks last night?”

Manager: *to me* “We definitely weren’t. I closed last night.” *to the guy* “Do you remember what time you came in?”

Customer: “Sometime between two and six.”

([Manager] and I look at each other, as that’s not much more helpful than saying he was here yesterday at some point while we were open.)

Customer: “I can call the manager guy! The one who was here yesterday! I can talk to him!”

Manager: “I was here last night. I don’t remember an order like this sitting around. I’m sorry, but if you don’t have a receipt, there’s not really anything we can do.”

Me: “You could pay for it with a card today, and when the GM comes in tomorrow, if we can find your previous order paid in our system, we can cancel the card transaction.”

Customer: “I only have cash, and only… $11! Can you at least make on of the pizzas?”

(Individually, without the special, his pizzas are about $14 or $15 each.)

Manager: “Sorry, but I can’t.”

Customer: “Darn. Okay, I need to go get some more cash; I’ll be right back.” *walks out*

Manager: “That was sketchy. Who pays cash for something and then leaves without it and forgets about it until the next day? Something tells me he’s not coming back.”

(He didn’t.)

A Fruitful Request

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2017

(I am taking two women’s orders and everything has been going well until…)

Customer: “I’d like a fruit salad, too. But hun, I don’t want any salad in it. Just the fruit.”

Me: “Oh, yes, ma’am. A fruit salad is only fruit, no veggies. There’s not actually salad in it.”

Customer: “Yes, just the fruit, no lettuce. Thank you so much for understanding!”

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