I’m a school bus driver. Today, an eight-year-old sitting near the front wanted to play Twenty Questions. I do this sometimes with the students: we take turns thinking of animals, and whoever else is playing asks questions and tries to learn enough information to guess what it is. Through the game, I’ve ended up explaining a decent amount of animal trivia to them.

Student: “Is it a mammal?”

Me: “Yes.”

Student: “Is it a human?

Me: “No.”

Student: “Is it you?

Me: “No! I’m human!”

Student: “No, you know too many things. You’re an alien!”

The kind of blunt compliment that children excel at!

A customer is reading the product description on the box packaging for a printer.

Customer: “These printers are wireless?”

I know what misconception this statement usually leads to, so I try to get ahead of it:

Me: “Yes, but that means they can connect to the WIFI and receive print jobs wirelessly from computers on the same WIFI network. It still needs a wire to connect to the power.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly! I know that! I’m not stupid.”

Me: “Sorry, sir.”

Customer: “But if it’s wireless… how does the ink get into it?”

Just when I think I’ve dodged one stupid question… here comes another!

I have been wondering if I have ADD/ADHD for a long time. I finally decided to find a doctor and see what can be done. The day of my appointment, I was sitting alone at lunch, making a list of reasons I think I have it. (Coworker) came and sat with me; we’re polite, but I wouldn’t say we were friends.

Coworker: “Whatcha doing?”

Me: “Taking notes for a doctor this afternoon.”

Coworker: *She takes my notes and reads them.* “Oh. You think you have ADHD.”

Me: “Maybe.”

Coworker: “Did TikTok tell you that?”

Me: “I don’t have social media.”

Coworker: “Well, this one can be fixed if you cut down on screen time. This you can remove, because everybody does that. That one, just cut out anything artificial or processed, and go for a more fish-based diet. That—”

Me: “—You have ADHD?”

Coworker: “No! I’m just tired of people saying they have it when they’re just lazy or stupid or—”

Me: “—So you have a medical license?”

Coworker: “No?”

Me: “Then maybe leave the diagnosing to the professionals, huh?”

Coworker: “I’m just saying, drugs aren’t always a good choice.”

Me: “Calling your coworkers lazy or stupid when you insert yourself in their business isn’t a great choice, either.”

She rolls her eyes and leaves. I have already done loads of research and made several lifestyle changes, including the ones she listed, and things did improve a little bit, but I think I can do better. After I met with my doctor, she agreed to start me on a low-dose medication, and things are finally improving!

My grandfather is having a friendly argument with his friend. They’re trying to figure out who is older, not by actual age, but through the old-fashioned things they’ve experienced.

Grandfather: “I’m old enough to remember when an escalator was installed in the mall, and all the kids got excited and took turns riding it up and down.”

Friend: “Well, I’m old enough to remember having to work in the store during the moon landing, which I hated as we had no customers because everyone was watching it! I could have witnessed history!”

Grandfather: “Well, I’m old enough to remember having no ID when boarding a plane from California to Washington, so I showed them a picture of me from my graduation yearbook, and they let me fly.”

My grandfather won.

I’d set up a table to sell things at a small event and was talking to a man when his daughter, somewhere around seven to nine, came up to talk to him.

Daughter: “I’m hungry.”

The man starts to open his mouth to reply when the daughter hastily adds:

Daughter: “And don’t call me hungry!”

The man shuts his mouth, then turns to me with a grin.

Man: “She knows me too well.”