The Customer Is Sometimes Right

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I’m the customer in this one, calling into the store. I have worked in customer service for years and as such I tend to get a lot of “oh, thank heavens!” reactions from staff. This is one.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like to get a refill on [X] medication.”

Pharmacist: *in trepidation* “Uhh… let me just check if we have your three-months’ refill.”

Me: “No worries.”

Pharmacist: *sounding even more worried* “Ma’am, I am so sorry, but it doesn’t appear we have the full supply. When do you need them by?”

Me: “I’m out as of tomorrow, but that’s no problem; it wouldn’t be the first time I get a week’s supply and come back for more when you have it.”

Pharmacist: “I can try calling another… Do you think… Wait, what? Really?”

Me: “Sure. Happens at least half the time. You only have a few customers on this medication and apparently we all like to refill at about the same time.”

Pharmacist: “And you’re not… You’re okay?”

Me: *laughing* “I’m not cranky-customer-type. My goal is never to be the one you go home complaining about!”

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, you are my favourite customer today. Possibly this month.”

Will You See Them Later, Alligator?

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at a place where we have arcade games and things like that. We also have alligators out front that you can get food for and feed if you want to. None of the staff mess with the gators; we mostly just leave them alone.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. My family and I want to swim with the alligators. How much is that?”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t offer that service because… the gators will eat you.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! I know you’re lying to me! They are tamed; otherwise you couldn’t feed them. Go get your manager!”

Me: *goes and gets manager, and tells manager what happened*

Manager: “If you want to go swim with the gators go ahead. Free of charge.”

Customer: “Finally someone with sense!”

Manager: *turns to me* “Sometimes you just gotta save the savable.”

The Sauce Of The Fire

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I live and work in a fairly deprived area, which comes with all the usual associated problems.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell cream sauces?”

Me: “Did you mean savoury, or ice cream?”

Customer: “What’s ‘sav… saver… savernee’?”

Me: “Um, like dinner instead of pudding?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s that. I need it for chicken.” *waves a box of imitation [popular American southern-fried chicken] pieces at me*

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a bottle of ketchup or mayonnaise for those?”

Customer: “No! I need to make a cream sauce for the chicken for my girlfriend. It’s our anniversary and she said she’d dump me if I took her to [Popular Fast Food Chain] again!”

Me: “Well, there’s nicer places to eat out. If you really want to make something, though, you’d be better off buying whole unprocessed chicken chunks. Not many things apart from other southern US flavours would really go well with what you have picked out.”

Customer: “So how do these packet sauces work?”

Me: “Well, you can cook them with milk. Some people like to add a little cream once it is thickened, but there is really no need as the packets all have thickening agents in them.”

Customer: “But which one do I buy?”

Me: “We’ve got bread sauce, bèchamel, cheese sauce, creamy peppercorn, or parsley sauce.”

Customer: “I don’t like parsley.”

Me: “One of these plainer ones, then? Cheese might be nice if you wrap the chicken in bacon.”

Customer: “Maybe. What’s peppercorns?”

Me: “Um, they’re a type of dried fruit. People like to grind them.”

Customer: “But what IS it?”

Me: “You ever put salt AND pepper on chips?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “The not-salt half of salt and pepper.”

(We continued the conversation. The customer eventually made his selections and left. I was sure it was just coincidence when I saw a fire engine go past two hours later; turned out it wasn’t! His girlfriend came in the next day to say he’d tried to use orange juice for the cheese sauce mix as he had run out of milk, and then put the chicken breasts directly onto the oven shelf. Amazingly she is still with him but says she will be more than happy to go to Fast Food Chain next time!)

She’s Gone Rental Mental

| London, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Transportation

(I work at a car rental place downtown. I’m a service agent so I don’t usually deal with the customers when they first enter, but I overhear this conversation one day at work.)

Assistant Manager: “Hello, ma’am. Welcome to [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to rent a car for today.”

Assistant Manager: “Okay, no problem. Just let me get your name and phone number.”

Customer: “My name is [Customer], and my phone number is [number].”

(He looks up her info and sees that there is a car already rented in her name.)

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, are you sure you want to rent a car?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Assistant Manager: “Because we have here on the computer that you have already rented a car.”

Customer: “Oh, that can’t be right… Oh, wait… I think I might have parked it on the other side of my hotel.”

Assistant Manager: “That’s no problem, ma’am. One of our service agents can give you a ride back.”

That Was Too Much Change For Him

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Technology

(We sell cigarettes. The machine only takes coins.)

Guest: “Hi, I’d like to buy some cigarettes, please.”

Me: “Sure! Do you have enough change?”

Guest: “I only have this €10 bill.”

Me: “No problem. There’s a change machine right next to it.”

Guest: “I don’t know how that works.”

Me: “Uhm… Okay. It’s really easy. You put the bill in the top part, and coins fall out the bottom.”

Guest: “I’ve never done it before. Can you do it?”

Me: “I’m a little busy. It’s not hard. Just put the bill in the top, and coins fall out the bottom.”

(The guest walks away. I continue with my work thinking that this is the end of it. A minute goes by.)

Guest: “THE D*** MACHINE WON’T GIVE ANY CHANGE!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look. Where’s your bill?”

Guest: *points to the bill, hopelessly lying on the top of the machine*

Me: “Ah, I see. You have to put this in the bill slot, right here, see?”

Guest: “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!”

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