Fake-Managed That Well

, , , | Right | August 27, 2020

I’m putting up new sale signs around the store. I’ve taken my apron off but kept my name tag on, as it lets me get done faster. As I’m also wearing my radio and plain black shirt, I look like a manager. A customer drags a coworker over.

Customer: “You! Manager!”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not—”

Customer: “I need to complain about this girl!”

Me: “Ma’am, I—”

Customer: “I was told last week you could hold my things for me! And I came in today and you didn’t have them! This girl lied and said you only hold things until the next business day!”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Customer: “Why would she lie to me?! I was told you could hold it for a week!”

At this point, I’ve given up on trying to tell her I wasn’t a manager.

Me: “Our hold policy is only until the end of the next business day. The only way to hold things for a week is to either do an online order or transfer to another store. If someone did tell you they could hold something that long, they were not informed of our policy.”

Customer: “FINE!”

She storms off. My coworker shakes her head.

Coworker: “Some people. At least [Actual Manager On Duty] didn’t have to deal with it.”

Big Heart For Big Bird

, , , , , , | Right | August 27, 2020

When my son was about two or so, his grandmother gave him a huge stuffed Big Bird toy. The thing was, true to its name, big — easily five feet tall. My son insisted it go everywhere in the car with us.

One day, I dropped the car at our local garage for service. Big Bird was tossed in the back seat.

When I returned a couple of hours later, I got in my car and glanced in the back seat and laughed. There was Big Bird, sitting upright and safely seat- and shoulder-belted in.

Tucked into the belt was a note that read, “Safety first for everyone.”

I think I smiled the rest of the day over some unknown mechanic’s concern for my son’s favorite stuffed friend.

Thank you, mechanic, for your small act of kindness.

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 40

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2020

A coworker is having a really heated argument with a customer who is complaining about Wi-Fi. We all stop and listen. Suddenly, the coworker is red-faced.

Coworker: “You are telling me that the power company shut down your electricity and you are complaining your Wi-Fi doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes! It is wireless! Why do I need electricity if it is WIRELESS?”

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 37
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 36
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35

It’s A Curse

, , , | Right | August 27, 2020

A customer approaches, speaking totally calmly.

Customer: “Okay, so, like, your s*** says [this], but I know that’s f****** wrong. It should say [something else].”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, though I would ask you to please refrain from cursing.”

Customer: “Huh? Oh, f***. I mean, s***. I mean, um…”

She takes a deep breath.

Customer: “Sorry. I have a sailor’s mouth. I don’t mean it in a mean way. Da… gum. I’m around the girls so much, I forget how to talk normal, y’know? Shi… take mushrooms. I’m sorry!”

I worry for this generation.

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A Cute Mis-Steak

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2020

I am about six years old. My family is out at a steakhouse to celebrate my older cousin’s first communion. I have just learned how to read and want to impress my family by not only reading the kids’ menu but ordering all by myself. I decide on the kid’s steak, but since I have never ordered food at a restaurant on my own before, it doesn’t occur to me that beef is cooked and served in different ways.

Waitress: *Turning to me* “And what do you want, sweetie?”

Me: “The kid’s steak, please.”

Waitress: “Okay, how do you want that cooked?”

Me: “Um… hot, please!”

Cue all of my adult relatives and the waitress laughing at the response. It’s been nearly fifteen years since that day, and my family still considers it one of the funniest and cutest moments of my childhood.

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