Rightly Color Blinded By Your Illiteracy

, , , , | Right | June 26, 2017

(I work at a membership store with an alarming number of people who seem to come in simply to cause a problem and then not purchase anything. I have learned what things to be oddly specific about.)

Me: “All right, please sign your name, sir. When you are finished, just tap the green button that says ‘OK’ on the bottom left corner with the pen.”

Customer: “What if I’m color-blind?”

Me: “…the button that says “OK” on the bottom left corner with the pen.”

Customer: “What if I can’t read?” *his tone starts getting angry*

Me: “Tap the button on the bottom left corner with the pen.”

Customer: “What if I don’t know my left from my right?”

Me: *having given up* “Then that is quite something, sir.”

Customer: “Whatever!” *still mad, he taps the button… with his finger*

Me: “Sir, I said with the pen…”

(He ended up being so angry about the whole thing that he left without his order, his membership card, and his wallet. I took his personal belongings to the front desk and then had to close my line to go return everything.)

They’re On A Roll

, , , | Right | June 26, 2017

(I work at a store where there is a single men’s and a single women’s restroom. I’m waiting outside of the women’s as there’s someone using it. After a minute or two, she comes out, red in the face.)

Customer: “You!” *pointing at me* “There’s no toilet paper in there!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am; I’ll change it out immediately.”

(I walk into the restroom and she follows me. The toilet paper container holds four rolls, one of which is empty. I turn to the woman.)

Me: “Ma’am, there are three more rolls in here. All you have to do is turn the dial.” *I demonstrate and a fresh roll comes down*

Customer: *snippy tone* “Well, I shouldn’t have to do that.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I would’ve done it if I noticed sooner.”

Customer: *clicks tongue* “You should’ve done it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *sighs* “I said, you should’ve done it for me! You’re the employee!”

Me: “…so you’re saying I should’ve come in there, while you were using the restroom, to change the toilet paper?”

Customer: “No! I… ugh never mind! So incompetent!” *storms off*

Red-Faced Woman Vs Brown-Eyed Girl

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2017

(I have been DJing weddings and all kinds of events for many years and am vigilant about the content of the music and my audience. A lady approaches my table early on at a wedding after I had played the song “Brown Eyed Girl” By Van Morrison.)

Guest: *angrily* “This song is inappropriate.”

Me: “I’m sorry if you think so but I’ve played this song for years and never had a complaint.”

Guest: “The line ‘making love in green grass’ is not appropriate for children.”

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am.”

(The rest of the night I ended up playing quite a lot of top-40 music with much worse content but “Brown Eyed Girl” was the one that was inappropriate.)

Needs Closure About The Food

, , , | Right | June 26, 2017

(I am the supervisor of a truck-stop restaurant. The restaurant closed at 10:00 pm, but the store and fuel-bar stay open 24 hours, so we use a gate that we can pull across to close off the restaurant. I also put up a large sign in front of the gate that says “restaurant closed.” I am doing closing duties after putting up the sign and pulling the gate across (but not locking it yet as I need to get back and forth) when a customer opens the gate and proceeds to walk into a section of the restaurant with no lights on.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

Customer: “What? What time do you close?”

Me: “We closed at 10:00.”

Customer: “So you’re not open?”

Me: “Nope, sorry.”

Customer: “Well… can I order food?”

Me: “Sorry, but the grills and everything else are turned off. Everything’s been put away. I can’t serve you anything.”

Customer: “Can I just get something to go?”

Me: “Nope, sorry. I can’t get you anything.”

Customer: “But I can get a burger and eat it here right?”

Me: “Sir, I can’t serve you at all tonight. I’m sorry but you’ll have to leave.”

Customer: “OH! You’re closed!”

Me: “Yup. Sorry.”

(There is an uncomfortably long silence before the customer says:)

Customer: “I’m not getting food, am I?”

Brand New Vintage!

, , , , , | Right | June 26, 2017

(We sell a mixture of vintage and new items, including furniture. Everything vintage or antique is marked on the tag as such.)

Customer: “Hi, this antique mirror. How old is it?”

Me: “Oh, that’s not an antique. It’s made by a company upstate.”

Customer: “Not, it’s antique. See? On the tag it says ‘Nouveau.’”

Me: “Nouveau is a style. It was definitely most popular in the ‘20s here in the US, but this mirror is a modern replica in that style. If it was vintage it would say so on the tag.”

Customer: “It IS vintage. It says right here, ‘Nouveau’!”

Me: “If it was vintage, it would say ‘vintage.’ Like this tag here, see?”

Customer: “You don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, it is a very nice mirror either way. Are you looking for a mirror?”

Customer: “It’s VINTAGE. Just LOOK at it. I know more about this than you. I’ve been buying antiques for decades.”

Me: “If you say so. If you really like it you should purchase it; it’s a really stunning piece. ”

Customer: “Is this the only mirror you have? It’s a little big for me.”

Me: “No, but since we have those mirrors custom made for us by a company upstate we can request them in any size.”

Customer: “Never mind. I’ll keep looking.”

(She left.)

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