A Storm In A Plastic Cup

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2018

(I’m working as a traffic director at the state fair with several other people. We all have radios. I’m directing traffic along a road with a few other directors, all about a yard apart.)

Radio: “Come in, supervisor. We have a problem.”

Supervisor: “Yes, what’s the problem?”

Radio: “Um… There’s an old lady here at the tracks. She’s driving around the track and throwing plastic cups at people. She’s mad. I need backup.”

Supervisor: *stifled laughter* “I’m on my way.”

(The call ended, and my whole line was doubled over in laughter. The job was dull but calls like that made it.)

The Couponator 5: Online Decline

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2018

(A woman comes up to my register to pay for her items.)

Me: “Hi, is that all for you today?”

Customer: “Yes. I have a $5 coupon on my phone; I just need to pull it up.”

Me: “Okay, great, no problem.”

(I see her struggle to load the page; after a few moments she shows me a blank screen.)

Customer: “It’s not loading, but it’s right here.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Since that’s just a blank page and there’s no barcode or sku number, there’s no way I can actually put the coupon into the system.”

Customer: “There has to be a way you can honour it! Can I speak to a manager?”

Me: “She’s not in right now; it’s just me. But even if she was, there’s no way our system will let us use the coupon since we can’t actually see it.”

(I spend a few more minutes trying to help her get the page to load. After a moment, I realize she’s connected to a Wi-Fi hotspot several blocks away.)

Me: “Do you have LTE?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Do you have mobile Internet on your smartphone? If you do, you’ll be able to connect to the Internet, as we don’t have Wi-Fi here.”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Okay, then, I’m sorry. It’s not possible for me to take your coupon today.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! What good is a coupon if I can’t even use it?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Next time be sure to print the coupon, or take a screenshot next time you are connected to the Internet.”

Customer: “This isn’t fair! You should be able to honour it!”

Me: “It’s not our fault that you don’t have Internet, ma’am. I’m sorry that you feel inconvenienced.”

(I ring up her purchase.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

Customer: *mumbles incoherently, snatches her bag, and storms off*

The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts
The Couponator 3: Rise Of The Coupons

Once You Catch That Toy, There’s No Un-catching It

, , , , | Right | April 21, 2018

(I work in a very popular book store as a cashier. There is a wall between me and the kids section, but I can see a toy being thrown up and down.)

Child: *as loud as they can yell* “HERPES! HERPES!”

Child’s Mother: “NO, BABY, IT’S, ‘WHOOPEE!’”

This Sale Is Doomed

, , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I have been working at this shop for the last two and a half years. We are a cleaning and home shop with seasonal products. This certain shop is well known in the Netherlands, and was in the news a couple months ago because things weren’t going so well. Ever since that fateful week, we have had interesting conversations with people who suddenly feel the need to voice their opinions on what we should sell. Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice to hear them being involved, but at the same time, I just sell the things in the franchise shop of my boss. We aren’t even the office that takes care of it.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. I need a tousle with a telescope pole. You know, those extra-long poles that can turn around.”

Me: “We don’t have those particular tousles with a telescope pole, but we do have this tousle.” *points at the longest tousle we have* “This pole can become around 2.5 meters. That’s plenty to reach a high ceiling.”


Me: *caught off guard by her sudden hostility* “We don’t sell those here. I am sorry, miss. We could look at our Internet shop together; maybe we can order it there.”

Customer: “This shop is going nowhere! How do you think you guys will survive if you don’t even have basic things here?!”

Me: “Before we do anything, we can check our Internet shop on the computer here; it only takes a minute. We might have something this niche on there.”

(In two years, it’s the first time someone has wanted this, so she obviously doesn’t know what she is talking about.)

Customer: *suddenly a lot more quiet* “Oh, dear, it’s not your fault; it’s this shop that is doomed.”

(I’m starting to lose my patience because she is insulting this store. No one has once complained about this shop before the news items, so she is just being a sheep going along with the flock.)

Me: *while faking the most friendly smile I ever have and maintaining eye-contact* “We can look at our Internet shop.”

(She gave up, knowing I wasn’t going to comment on her rude remarks. We spent two minutes on the computer before finding out that the only way she would be getting what she wanted was by buying different pieces, which meant it would be more pricey. She left, saying loudly that she had to go to a competitor’s store. I wished her a nice day, and then flipped her off behind her back without anyone being able to see.)


Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates

, , , , | Right | April 20, 2018

(I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer buying some chocolates.)

Customer: “Oh, I can’t wait to try these!”

(She quickly unwraps a gourmet chocolate and pops it in her mouth. She works it around for a few seconds, and then suddenly spits out the filling into her hand. She holds up the blob of mushy chocolate filling in front of my face.)

Customer: “Where can I put this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Where can I put this?”

Me: “Um… For what purpose?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Where can I put this to save it for later? Don’t you have something I can put this in?”

Me: “Oh, um, okay.”

(I pull out a small plastic bag we usually save for making assortments, and hand it to her. She wipes the blob of chocolate filling off of her fingers into the bag, thanks me, and leaves.)

Me: *turning to my coworker in disbelief* “She asked, ‘Where can I put this?'”

Coworker: “How about back in your mouth, weirdo?!”

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