That Cut Them Down To Size Quickly

, , , , , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I am waiting for my order in a popular pizza shop. It is late and very busy. A group of rowdy teenagers have just left with a few pizzas, and one of them storms back in to yell at the cashier.)

Customer: “Hey, b****! You didn’t cut my pizza right!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I am so sorry. I can cut it properly for you.”

Customer: “No, just f****** forget it! You guys suck! You better give me some free cheese bread for all the d*** trouble you put me through! Can’t you do anything right?”

(At this point I see the pizza, and it is just a little bit uncut for one of the slices. I know the girl is only doing this to get some free food. I walk up to her.)

Me: “Do you want some bread?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Tell me how many breads you want. Name any number. How many friends do you have with you?”

Customer: “Um, there are eight of us.”

Me: *to cashier* “Please make me four orders of cheese bread and give me two liters of soda.”

(I pay for the food and hand the girl the receipt.)

Me: “Here. I know what your intentions were. How dare you yell at someone for free food? You’re worse than a beggar. Now, apologize to the nice lady, and take your food when it’s ready. I hope you feel guilty eating it.”

(By this time my order had already come out and the whole shop cheered and clapped. The teenager was red in the face and just stared at her feet the whole time her order was being made.)

Your Attempt At Free Food In Freefall

, , , , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I’m working as a pizza delivery driver on a particularly busy night. I’m driving my mom’s minivan for work. On this run, I have to take three deliveries due to the volume of orders. I arrive at my third destination beyond the estimated time.)

Disgruntled Customer: “Well, this pizza’s pretty late. Don’t you think I should get it for free now?”

Me: “I’m not su—”

Disgruntled Customer: *in a voice a five-year-old would use to mock someone* “Ehehehe, I’m not sure.”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m not authorized to give out the food for free, so if you’d like to discuss it, I will need you to sign the receipt, and then you can talk with the general manager on the matter.”

Disgruntled Customer: “Yeah, I’ll do that. What took you so long, anyway?”

Me: “We are busy right now, so I had to take three deliveries at once, and yours just happened to be the last in the lineup.”

Disgruntled Customer: “I would think a delivery boy could come up with a better excuse than that. I’m giving you a tip, but I don’t know why, anyway.” *shoves the receipt in my face*

Me: “Thank you, sir. I do appreciate it.”

Disgruntled Customer: *slams door*

(I return to the restaurant and inform my GM that the man was upset and will be calling in to discuss getting a free meal, when my shift leader chimes in.)

Shift Leader: “Was it the guy from [address]?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s him.”

Shift Leader: “That guy’s always trying to get free food from us. He wanted his wings for free because we didn’t give him exactly even wings and drumsticks with his chicken.”

(Apparently, the guy would come up with excuses anytime he ordered to try and get his food for free. Since that instance though, I haven’t heard from him.)

The Wireless Age Completely Passed Them By

, , , , | Right | November 18, 2017

(I work in a call center helping customers with networking equipment such as routers, range extenders, access points, and more.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] support. What is the product you’re calling about today?”

Customer: “I just want to say, first off, that your products are terrible. I have been trying to set up this stupid extender for six hours now, and I am not a stupid person. I have worked as a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing, but I can’t get this thing to work.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having difficulties, sir. I am more than happy to assist you with your setup. First, may I have the model number for your product?”

Customer: “It’s a RAAAANGE EXTEEEEENDER! I already told you this!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, sir, but we have several different models, and I need a unique model number so I know which product you are working with.”

Customer: *groaning sounds* “Fine. It’s [model number].”

Me: “Okay. How far into the setup have you gotten, and what kind of errors are you running into?”

Customer: “I can’t get to the stupid website I need to get to for the setup.”

Me: “Okay, so, you’re having difficulties getting to the networking dashboard. What type of device are you using for the setup?”

Customer: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Are you using a smartphone, tablet, or computer to access the dashboard?”

Customer: “Computer.”

Me: “Okay, and are you able to see the [device] network and connect to it?”

Customer: “Well, how do I do that?”

Me: *pause* “Pull up your list of available networks on your computer, look for [Network], and then hit, ‘Connect.’ If you can’t see that network just let me know.”

Customer: “How do I pull up a list of networks? This really shouldn’t be such a complicated setup! I have been a technician for 16 years, and I know what I’m doing! I have worked with networking equipment before! Your products are too complicated!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Does this computer have Wi-Fi capabilities? Or does it only connect by Ethernet?”

Customer: “Wi-Fi? What’s Ethernet? Look, this is getting ridiculous. I should be able to plug this in and it should just work. I am not stupid, so I know what I’m doing.”

Me: “I never said you were stupid, sir. It needs to be configured to your home network in order to work. The dashboard is built into the device’s IP address, and you need to be connected to the network in order to get to the dashboard. How do you normally connect to a network to get your Internet service on this computer?”

Customer: “I click on the ‘E’ at the bottom of my screen.”

Me: *trying to think of the best way to dumb this down for the customer* “Okay, sir, that is your web browser. Sounds like you use [Browser #1] or [Browser #2]. In order for your Internet to work, your computer needs to be connected to a network.” *attempts to walk customer through how to connect*

Customer: “This is the most ridiculous thing ever. I am not stupid! I have never had so much trouble setting up a product in my life, and I’ve been a technician for 16 years! I am not a stupid person, and I know what I’m doing! This is too complicated. I’m about to throw this thing out a window. You know what? Just forget it! I am returning this stupid piece of crap and getting something that isn’t so complicated from one of your competitors!” *click*

Reach For The Stars, Just Not Mine

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m out picking a few things up at the local supermarket when I begin to hear a woman ranting loudly at an employee. After about a minute of yelling, I go to investigate.)

Customer: “You’re going straight to Hell for wearing that kind of thing! Satanist! SATANIST!”

(The employee looks to be about 16, and is stocking some shelves. Her protests go unheard, but she is soldiering on, even though I can tell she is about to cry.)

Customer: “It’s witch-scum like you who are calling the devil into our city. You make me sick, wearing a pentagram! Devil w****! DEVIL W****!”

Employee: “Ma’am, for the last—”

(She is cut off by another burst of ranting. I start to walk over. The employee turns to me and I see that her necklace is not, in fact, a pentagram at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is enough. Leave this poor girl alone. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Customer: *sneering* “And what are you? Her witch-lord? Going to cast a spell on a good Christian woman like me? DEMONSPAWN!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a ‘witch-lord.’ I’m someone who can tell the difference between a pentagram and a STAR OF DAVID, which you, apparently, cannot!”

(The customer went white as a sheet and reexamined the necklace. She left, running. The employee was still near tears, but kept it together.)

Open Your Throat

, , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m a 16-year-old girl working the closing shift at my restaurant, and it’s about half an hour to closing. We’re pretty much done and I’m walking back from the front of the store when I see a large man standing outside in the dark. While I’m watching, he points at me, and then makes a threatening motion over his throat with the same finger. Terrified, I shrug at him, hurry to the back room, and start to tell my coworker, when the bell rings.)

Coworker: “[My Name], can you get that?”

Me: *still scared* “Sure.”

(I go out and it’s the man from outside. At this point, I’m scared that I’m actually in danger, and trying to get my coworker’s attention just in case something happens, when the customer speaks up with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “You are open?”

Me: “Yes, what can I get for you?”

Customer: *smiling and doing the throat-cutting motion again* “When I do this, it means, ‘Are you still open?’”

(I don’t know where he was from where that would mean that! He’s since become a late night regular, but I still get a little anxious every time he comes in.)

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