When my son was about two or so, his grandmother gave him a huge stuffed Big Bird toy. The thing was, true to its name, big — easily five feet tall. My son insisted it go everywhere in the car with us.
One day, I dropped the car at our local garage for service. Big Bird was tossed in the back seat.
When I returned a couple of hours later, I got in my car and glanced in the back seat and laughed. There was Big Bird, sitting upright and safely seat- and shoulder-belted in.
Tucked into the belt was a note that read, “Safety first for everyone.”
I think I smiled the rest of the day over some unknown mechanic’s concern for my son’s favorite stuffed friend.
Thank you, mechanic, for your small act of kindness.
A coworker is having a really heated argument with a customer who is complaining about Wi-Fi. We all stop and listen. Suddenly, the coworker is red-faced.
Coworker: “You are telling me that the power company shut down your electricity and you are complaining your Wi-Fi doesn’t work?”
Customer: “Yes! It is wireless! Why do I need electricity if it is WIRELESS?”
Related:
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 39
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 38
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 37
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 36
Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 35
A customer approaches, speaking totally calmly.
Customer: “Okay, so, like, your s*** says [this], but I know that’s f****** wrong. It should say [something else].”
Me: “I understand, ma’am, though I would ask you to please refrain from cursing.”
Customer: “Huh? Oh, f***. I mean, s***. I mean, um…”
She takes a deep breath.
Customer: “Sorry. I have a sailor’s mouth. I don’t mean it in a mean way. Da… gum. I’m around the girls so much, I forget how to talk normal, y’know? Shi… take mushrooms. I’m sorry!”
I worry for this generation.
I am about six years old. My family is out at a steakhouse to celebrate my older cousin’s first communion. I have just learned how to read and want to impress my family by not only reading the kids’ menu but ordering all by myself. I decide on the kid’s steak, but since I have never ordered food at a restaurant on my own before, it doesn’t occur to me that beef is cooked and served in different ways.
Waitress: *Turning to me* “And what do you want, sweetie?”
Me: “The kid’s steak, please.”
Waitress: “Okay, how do you want that cooked?”
Me: “Um… hot, please!”
Cue all of my adult relatives and the waitress laughing at the response. It’s been nearly fifteen years since that day, and my family still considers it one of the funniest and cutest moments of my childhood.
Dear readers,
A few days ago we ran a roundup about taking your cat to the vet! While you all agreed that this is an important reminder for pet owners everywhere, many of you wanted to remind us that every dog has their day, too, so we should run a similarly-themed canine equivalent!
Also, yesterday was International Dog Day! So, to make up for missing it and to remind you to take man’s best friend to the vet, here are 23 hilarious stories from our archives about dumb dog owners that both vets and dogs have to put up with.
So Dumb It Hurts – Gotta love those stories that make you question how the subject is even alive.
Someone Needs To Get Out More – At least the dog is healthy… and happy.
The Devil Is In The De-Tails – As long as the veterinarian knows what they’re asking for…
(more…)
