Found The Karma Chord

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I am working in the guitar department of a large music store. Amongst other things like sale, maintenance, and repair of instruments, we specifically offer customers the opportunity to try out the guitars. This almost always goes without a problem. This afternoon, I am alone, serving a line of about five customers.)

Customer #1: “Can I try out this guitar? I saw the signs by the racks.”

Me: “Certainly, I’ll show you the try-out amps and you can pick your favourite to try it.”

(I lead him to the amplifiers and hook up his guitar. I turn the amp up to about 25%, so that I can still hear the other customers. At this, the customer begins to rage.)

Customer #1: “NO! YOU HAVE TO TURN IT ALL THE WAY UP; OTHERWISE I CAN’T HEAR IF IT’S A GOOD GUITAR!”

Me: “Sir, if I did that, these other customers couldn’t understand their own words. It’s also company policy. I assure you that this level is perfectly acceptable to hear the qualities of your guitar.”

Customer #1: “I SAID TO TURN IT THE F*** UP! HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO HEAR IF YOU’RE JUST SELLING S*** INSTEAD OF QUALITY INSTRUMENTS, IF YOU WON’T LET ME HEAR IT?”

(This goes back and forth for five minutes, until the customer finally and reluctantly accepts that I won’t turn the amp up any higher. While he starts playing what I can only guess should be classic rock riffs, I return to my till where [Customer #2], a gentleman in his late 60s with long, white hair, hands me an old, worn-down bass guitar.)

Customer #2: “My grandson has started to become really interested in music and wants to learn to play his own. I would like to have my old bass restored as a gift for his upcoming birthday. You do repairs, right?”

Me: “Of course! It will be as good as new in no time. If you will fill out this form, we can address any special issues and desires you may–”

(At this point we are interrupted by incredibly loud shrieking, as [Customer #1] has decided to turn his amp up himself. Everyone is holding their ears as I run over to him.)

Me: “SIR, PLEASE TURN YOUR AMP DOWN! YOU ARE DISTURBING THE OTHER CUSTOMERS!”

([Customer #1] is just standing provocatively in front of his amp, letting his guitar feed back and gesturing that he doesn’t hear me. After a moment, [Customer #2] comes over, takes a guitar from the racks, and plugs it into the amp next to [Customer #1], who is surprised and mutes his guitar.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, young man. It is obvious you know what you’re doing. Would you honor me by letting me play along with you for a bit?”

Customer #1: “Errr… Sure, Grandpa, but try to keep up with me.”

(At this, [Customer #1] returns to play what I can only describe as the worst version of “Smoke on the Water” I have ever heard – and I have heard many – until [Customer #2] turns his amp just about a third of the way up and starts playing incredibly fast solos on his guitar. [Customer #1] stares in amazement, as does the rest of the shop, and stops playing.)

Customer #2: *stopping for just a moment* “This is only going to work if you play your part, as well, instead of looking at me. I can’t do all the work at my age.”

([Customer #1] stares a bit longer as the old man continues playing. Then, without a word, he drops his guitar on the floor and storms out, red-faced. [Customer #2] turns off the other amp and turns to the rest of the store:)

Customer #2: “The only way to silence bad musicians is by showing them how it is really done.”

Getting All Melon-cholic

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(Where I work, we have some of our produce cut in half and plastic-wrapped to display the freshness we guarantee for our produce. They have stickers on them that say they are for display only and not for sale. This doesn’t stop people from trying to buy them, though. Most of the time, we explain things to them, they nod, and we put the items back. A lady comes up to the service desk to complain about this.)

Customer: “They said I couldn’t buy this one.”

Me: “Yep, sorry about that. It’s a display only.”

Customer: “So, I have to buy this watermelon.” *she gestures to the whole one in her cart now* “—instead of the one I wanted. That’s ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s a display only. It even is marked as such. We can’t sell it.”

Customer: “Why do you have a display mixed in with the stuff for sale, then?”

Me: “Because that’s where we put them?”

Customer: “Well, why don’t you have a display shelf for them?”

Me: “Because we don’t, ma’am. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

(She buys a whole watermelon. We do sell watermelon cut in half, but they’re sold by the pound, and tend to run higher than a whole watermelon, so it’s cheaper to just buy a whole one and throw out whatever you don’t use.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: *huffs* “Well, you have a nice day, too, because you’ve foiled mine.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You tell your manager this is ridiculous!”

(She leaves, and the gentleman behind her comes up.)

Me: “I’m so sorry to do this, sir, but please just give me five seconds to process all of that and re-cuperate.”

Save Your Money Or Save Yourselves

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I work a front counter position at a fast food restaurant. It’s breakfast time, and an older man walks up and orders a number nine combo with a senior coffee, which is half price, and a small orange juice.)

Me: “Okay, sir, that’s going to be [price].”

Customer: “Did you give me my senior discount?”

Me: “Yes, sir, and the only way I could do that was to put the orange juice with the meal.”

Customer: “But the coffee is supposed to be with the meal.”

Me: “Normally, yes, sir, it is but you have the orange juice, too, which means we can put that with the meal, give you the discount on the coffee, and it will be cheaper.”

Customer: *becomes violent* “GO GET YOUR MANAGER, YOU STUPID F***! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO TRY AND PULL ONE OVER ON A CUSTOMER!”

(I go and get my manager, who has heard the whole thing, and she rings him up like he wanted.)

Manager: “Okay, sir, your total is [more expensive price].”

Customer: “Hey! That’s more expensive than before.”

Manager: “But that’s how you wanted it rung up, sir. My employee was trying to save you money.”

(He becomes violent again.)

Customer: “NEVER MIND! I’M NOT EATING HERE ANYMORE! F*** ALL OF YOU TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF MY MONEY!”

Manager: “Have a nice day, sir.”

They Asked For Your ID Card, Not Your Race Card

, , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I’m a bouncer at a sports bar located just outside of a rough neighborhood. Due to the location, we have a long list of people who are no longer allowed entry for various reasons: starting fights, selling drugs, etc. Because of this, we are required to check every patron’s ID upon entry, regardless of age. One night a staff member, who is white, walks in for his shift, so there is no need for me check his ID. Behind him is a [not Caucasian] man who tries to enter when:)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Uh, why?”

Me: “We have a list of people who we are not allowed to let in, and I need to verify that you are not on this list.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you check his ID?” *pointing to the staff member I just let in*

Me: “Because he’s an employee.”

Customer: *raises eyebrow* “Oh, I see; so, because I’m [race], you think I’m on the banned list. Is that it?!”

Me: “Absolutely not. I’m required to check everyone’s ID upon entry.”

Customer: “You racist motherf*****; so, you only check [race] IDs, huh?! I’d like to speak to a manager!”

(I call my manager over and he tells him the same thing: the person I let in was an employee and didn’t need his ID checked.)

Customer: “I don’t care who he is; if he doesn’t need his ID checked, then neither do I!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry, but if you don’t show us your ID, you cannot come into the bar.”

Customer: “This is BULLS***! I’m suing this place for discrimination. I’ll see your a**es in court!”

(The customer angrily stormed off. Later that night, my coworker informed me that the same guy was thrown out two weeks prior for causing a scene when the bartender cut him off. Sure enough, his name was on the banned list.)

Ever-Increasing Heights Of Ignorance

, , , | Right | November 21, 2017

Customer: “Hi, where’s [Owner]? I haven’t seen him here for the past few days.”

Me: “He’s actually gone to Mount Everest. He wants to climb to the base camp for his 50th.”

Customer: “Oh, how exciting!”

(A couple of days later.)

Customer: “Hi, is [Owner] still climbing the North Pole?”

Me: “Uh… He’s at Mount Everest.”

Customer: *blank stare* “Yes.”

(She kept asking me whether he was “still at the North Pole” until he eventually came back.)

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