(I work in a clothing store that does custom prints and embroideries. We also sell patches of flags with the country’s names next to them. Although most of them are countries, we have one design that is the Confederate flag, with “REBEL” written next to it.)

Customer #1: “Look, they have country flags!”

Customer #2: “Brazil, Canada, Chile, China… Wow, that’s a lot. But what kind of country is ‘Ree-bell’? I’ve never heard of that one before.”

Customer #1: “I think that’s one of the Mexican countries.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, I think you’re right. It does sound a bit Mexican.” *poorly imitating a Hispanic accent* “Rrree-bell! Arriba!”

(Dear God, why?)

(I’m Asian-American but I grew up in the South, so I have a bit of an accent. It tends to throw people off, especially working at a southern chain restaurant.)

Me: “How are y’all doing today?”

Customer: “Stop faking an accent.”

Me: “I was actually raised in Tennessee, sir.”

Customer: “That doesn’t mean you have to fake an accent to fit in.”

Me: *concentrating on not speaking with an accent* “O…kay…”

Related:
Don’t You Speak Asian? – Part 2
Don’t You Speak Asian?

(I’m a lifeguard at a community center pool. At the time of this story, our company is running a promotion that gives free short-term memberships. A child, around 11 or 12, goes to go down the slide. She is missing the required wristband, so I tell her she needs to take a swim test. She nods, leaves, and returns with her irate mother.)

Mother: “Why does my child need to take a swim test?”

Me: “It’s company policy.”

Mother: “[Front Desk] said we could try everything.”

Me: *after stifling a sigh of frustration with [Front Desk]* “She still needs to take the test for her safety.”

Mother: “Fine! Give her the test!”

(I begin telling the child what is required for the swim test. After a few seconds, the mother interrupts.)

Mother: “You’re talking too fast.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll repeat myself slower.”

Mother: “No, we’re leaving.”

(The mother and child left and made a complaint to the front desk saying that I was very rude to them. The manager laughed it off.)

(My family is seated at a restaurant and we start to order.)

Waitress: *to my father* “What will you have today, sir?”

(None of us have been to this restaurant before, so we ask what’s good and, since the waitress is obviously new, this takes a while.)

Dad: “Okay, I’ll have bacon burger and fries.”

Waitress: “I am sorry, sir, but we are all out of fries this evening.”

Dad: *questioning look* “What kind of restaurant doesn’t sell fries?!”

(My dad began to storm out and we all followed accordingly; we ended up going to a fast food restaurant across the street.)

(My friend’s mother owns a psychic shop, and he works there. They use his old laptop as the business computer, and it’s seen better days. I am there helping him fix it one day when a customer comes in.)

Customer: *to me* “You should talk to it!”

(I don’t realize he is talking to me as I don’t work there and have my back to him, so I ignore him.)

Customer: “Hey! Don’t ignore me!”

(I turn around, startled.)

Me: “Oh, hey. Sorry, man, didn’t know you were talking to me. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “You should talk to it!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The computer! Talk to it!”

Me: *pause* “Well, the microphone’s been broken for about a year n—“

Customer: “No, no, I don’t mean into a mic; just talk to the computer!”

Me: “I… Wha—“

Customer: “The good vibes from your voice resonate with the energy field of the computer and fix all of the problems it might be going through.”

(I had absolutely no idea what to say, so my friend stepped in and directed his attention away from me, and I sneaked off with the laptop to the back room. Later, when I was leaving, the customer was waiting outside for me and got excited when he saw me through the window. I pretended to be adjusting a speaker in the corner by the door, then went back to the back room. Never saw him again.)