His Understanding Of The Name Is A Bit Rocky

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(This takes place in a five-star hotel’s cocktail bar that people come into to show off to friends. This night, a young guy in a cheap, ill-fitting suit brings his date in. I can tell he is out of his comfort zone but still wants to put on a good show for his date.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you to drink tonight?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [sickly sweet cocktail] for the lady, and a scotch on the rocks, with ice, for me.”

Me:”…okay, sure. Scotch on the rocks.”

Customer: “With ice, please.”

Me: “…”

Women Being Bad With Technology Is An Old Wives’ Tale

, , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(I work in a photo center in a retail store. Older customers often need help with our clearly-labeled touch screens.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you need help?”

Customer: “Do this for me.” *hands me a camera*

Me: “I can show you how to use our machine.”

Customer: “No, my husband is sick.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 69

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

Me: “Your total is $31.39. You can insert your card when you’re ready.”

(The customer inserts her card, and it’s declined.)

Me: “Sorry, your card was declined. Do you want to try another card?”

(The customer tries the same card and it’s once again declined.)

Customer: “So, am I good?”

Me: “No, sorry. It was declined again.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “Your card was declined. You’ll have to call your bank if you think it’s a mistake. It may have a protection on it.”

(The customer hands me the card.)

Me: “I can’t do anything on my end. You’ll have to call your bank.”

Customer: “But it’s all the way in [Next Town Over].”

Me: “You can just call them, and I’ll hold your things.”

Customer: *pulls out cash, but not enough to cover all of it* “What about if I just buy one? How much is one?”

Me: “You can do that; just let me know which one to take off. If you buy one, it’ll be $15 plus tax.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Which color would you like?”

Customer: “So, now what? What do I do?”

Me: “You need to choose a color.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Blue or black?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “I need to void one of these items in order to finish the transaction.”

(The customer stays quiet for a few moments, as she processes this life or death decision.)

Customer: “I want the black one.”

Me: *quickly takes payment and waits for the customer to leave before turning to my coworker, who witnessed it all* “Are my ears bleeding?”

Droning On With Outrageous Demands

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(People can put their orders in online and then come in later to pick them up. Since I am the most comfortable with computers, I am put in charge of that department. I get an order that has a multitude of items that are currently out of stock. I assemble the email informing the customer that their items are not in stock yet, and that we will contact them when their order is ready, and I send it out. A couple of hours later, a woman comes up to my desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’m here to pick up my order.”

(I punch her name into the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re still waiting for a restock. We will send you an email when we have the items in stock, and you can pick them up then.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand; I need them now. Are you sure you haven’t checked the back?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know for certain that we don’t have these items in stock. Did you receive the automatic email saying we would notify you when your order is ready?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s junk so I deleted it. Do you have my stuff or not?”

Me: “No, we don’t, because we still need to restock.”

Customer: “Then why do you offer this in the first place?! Can’t you have your drones fly faster?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You know, the drones in the [Online Shopping Center] commercial! Once you order something, they can fly a piano straight to your house within 24 hours!”

(Apparently this woman thought that a single ten-pound drone could easily lift a 400-pound piano and get it to its destination in the blink of an eye. The conversation continued, as I tried to tell this woman that things take time to get here due to traffic, weather, drivers, etc. I reassured her that we would have her things in a few days. She ended up leaving in a huff, yelling that she would prove me wrong by ordering her items from [Online Shopping Center] and having them in her arms in ten minutes. The next time I saw her, we made eye contact, she turned bright red and hurried through self-checkout, and as she stormed past my counter she gave me the finger. I guess she didn’t get her items in ten minutes.)

Calling Back Is Not His Calling

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I work in a call center and offer customer service through chat. I am completely separate from the phones.)

Customer: “Here is my phone number. Call me.”

Me: “I apologize; I do not have access to the phones. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “YES! My phone is not working, and I want you to call me and fix it now!”

Me: “We can’t do technical troubleshooting on the chat.” *I give him all information on how to call technical support*

Customer: “NO! I don’t want to call technical support! My phone is not working! I want you to send a technician now!”

Me: “Only technical support has access to sending out technicians for technical issues. You will need to call them to get this fixed.”

Customer: “What don’t you understand? MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING!”

Me: “If your phone is not working, then how could we call you?”

(He was wordless for a few seconds, then started to say he never asked for a call, and kept pushing for technical support until he closed the chat 15 minutes later.)

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