Even The Dolphins Would Get It Quicker

, , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I work as a ticket-taker at my city’s zoo. Tickets to the dolphin show are free as long as you purchase general admission tickets or have a season pass. We just give out physical tickets to control how many people attend each show. A man and his two children approach my booth, and the man is clearly aggravated.)

Guest: “We lost track of time and missed the dolphin show. I need a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry you missed the show, but the tickets were actually free, so I can’t give you a refund. There’s another show in half an hour if you’d like three tickets for that, instead.”

Guest: “Wow, are you f****** kidding me? I just said I need a refund, and now you’re trying to get more money out of me? Lady, I don’t want more tickets. I want my money back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as I said, the tickets to the dolphin show are included in your admission fee. I can’t give you a refund for that.”

Guest: “Well, then just give me a refund for that!”

Me: “For what?”

Guest: “For my f****** general admission!”

Me: “Sir, I really can’t do that, either. “

Guest: “This place is a rip-off!”

(He stormed off with his kids, both of them crying that they weren’t ready to leave and that they wanted to see the dolphin show.)

Far More Dramatic Than The Movie He Was Stealing

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I am working restocking shelves and helping customers find books when I see a teenage boy with a number of huge boxy bulges under his tucked-in shirt, exactly the same size as the cases we use for DVD box sets.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

(We are forbidden to suggest or accuse a customer of stealing.)

Customer: “Uh… Hi. No, I was just about to leave.”

(He begins to walk slowly toward the side door, which opens inward. I begin walking after him at a quick pace; he sees me and increases his speed until he is running and I am trotting behind him. As he approaches the door, he doesn’t put out his hands and tries to use his shoulder to open the door at a run. He smashes headfirst into the door and starts bleeding pretty badly out of his nose. Our Loss Protection Manager grabs him and he begins to shriek. His parents hear this and come racing across the store and confront the LP Manager.)

Parent #1: “How dare you beat our son?!”

Parent #2: “I am a lawyer and am going to sue!”

(Then, [Parent #1] began hitting the LP Manager and trying to wrestle away their son from him. The security guard for our plaza saw this from outside and, over the course of a minute or two, cuffed and subdued the teenager and his parents. It was extremely enjoyable to watch two of the three leave in a police car.)

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Don’t Dirty Yourself By Stooping To Her Level

, , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I am working an average day at my computer repair job when a woman approaches the counter carrying her copy of the repair order. This isn’t unusual as it’s an easy way to confirm it’s their computer.)

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name]. Are you here to pick up your—”

(She cuts me off by slamming the paper down on the counter.)

Customer: “Look at this and explain it to me!”

(I look it over; she is pointing at the information about the device.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, did we check in the device under the wrong model or serial number and were you shipped the wrong device?”

Customer: “No! Not that! This!”

(She is pointing at the description of the device; under it, my coworker who worked with her has written “dirty.”)

Me: “Well, ma’am, when a device comes in we have to note anything about its physical appearance, including damages, so we know if something was damaged or tampered with while in our possession.”

Customer: “You made it dirty! I see a lot of filth around here! You put scratches on it, too!”

(I continue calmly.)

Me: “Ma’am, your device is not here and is still at service. I apologize if it offended you, but [Coworker] was just doing his job.”

Customer: “It’s my mother’s! If you knew anything about my mother you would realize you could eat off her floor!”

(My manager is on his way because she demanded to see him, but she leaves before he gets there simply leaving a note that she demanded that she be called after everyone was staring.)

Not A Picture-Perfect Ending

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(A customer brings his expensive — $1000 — camera in for repair because he has cracked an aftermarket lens. This was not purchased with the camera and is not covered under his accidental damage warranty.)

Customer: “I need to get this camera replaced. Just give me the money and I will go buy something else.”

Me: “Sir, the lens that has been damaged was not the one that came with it. Therefore, it would not be covered under the damage protection plan.”

Customer: “I paid for the plan and was told that it would cover anything at all that happened to this f****** camera. You are going to give me my money right now or I am going to sue you.”

Me: “Sir. Do you have the original lens that came with the camera?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s in the bag but it’s not damaged. What’s it f****** matter? That’s not the one that’s damaged.”

Me: “If you had damaged that lens we could replace the camera and/or lens for you with no problem. But because you broke something you purchased somewhere else and didn’t purchase a plan, we can’t help you.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying if the camera itself was damaged it would get replaced?” 

Me: “Sure, your plan covers accidental damage. It would be covered. The other lens wouldn’t be, though.”

Customer: “F*** you, you ignorant a**hole!”

(The customer walks out front from the service desk and, in plain view of everyone, he grabs his camera by the strap and swings it onto the ground several times. He walks back into the store.)

Customer: “I seem to have had some accidental damage to my camera. I need to get it and the lens replaced.”

Me: “I just watched you smash that on the concrete. Your contract/warranty is now null and void and I am refusing service to you. Have a wonderful day.”

(The customer left the store swearing up a storm, threw the camera and bag against the front glass, and ran. Two days later, I received a notice from the home office that they had decided to help out the customer: he got his camera replaced as well as the third-party lens. Gotta love out-of-touch upper management!)

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It Was All Right In The Innuendo

, , , , | Right | April 8, 2020

(I am male. I sell cellphones at a third-party retailer. There are a lot of things we can’t do with accounts because of our third-party status. It tends to annoy a lot of people because sometimes things can take hours for a single phone line if we run into an issue. One day, I have that happen; what should’ve been about thirty minutes takes almost four hours, but the customer, who is getting this phone for his wife, has been really calm and cool the whole time, making sure I know he doesn’t blame me for issues we have with our systems while waiting for the carriers to get back to us. Finally, we get to him paying for the phone, and he’s just pulled out his card and is looking at the chip reader.)

Customer: “Do you want me to stick it in?”

Me: “Yes, sir, please do.”

Customer: “Finally someone said yes to that question, and you even said please.”

(He then gave me a suggestive eyebrow wiggle and then bent over laughing. It took me a couple of seconds because my mind was still in work mode so I wasn’t looking for something suggestive in his words, but when I did I started laughing, too. His joke and him making it obvious it was just a joke brightened what had previously been a really annoying day.)

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