(I work in an insurance sales office. I occasionally have to field calls from people who are irritated by getting solicitation letters from us. Generally these are letters that have been sent out by the corporate office, but have the local agent’s name as the sender. There’s not a lot I can do but apologize and try to elicit the name and address so I can put them on our internal “do not mail” list. Sometimes they don’t want to give me that information and if that’s the case, there’s really nothing I can do for them.)

Caller: “I received a letter from you addressed to [Full Name With Middle Name #1], but my name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2].”

(The first and last names are identical.)

Me: “Okay, what kind of letter is it?”

Caller: “It’s a letter. But my name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2]. It is not [Full Name With Middle Name #1]. My father’s name is [Full Name With Middle Name #1].”

(I try mightily to discover if it is a solicitation letter, or if this caller is an actual customer of Insurance Company so I can figure out what to do with him.)

Caller: “I have an insurance policy with [Insurance Company]. My name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2].”

(I can’t find him in our database anywhere so I try the tack that I can take him off the mailing list if he will give me his address. He finally does, insisting all the while that he is Full Name With Middle Name #2. His father’s name is Full Name With Middle Name #1 but he lives in California. I offer again to take his address off the mailing list. He finally gives me the address.)

Caller: “The letter came to my address. It says ‘20% off.’”

(Ah, it is a solicitation letter!)

Caller: “But my name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2].”

Me: “I understand that. I expect some database somewhere has some wrong information in it.”

(We cycle through this part a couple more times.)

Me: “Would you like a quote for insurance?”

Caller: “I already have insurance with you.”

Me: *he doesn’t, but who cares?* “In that case, what is it you want me to do?”

Caller: “My name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2]. The letter came to my address but it says [Full Name With Middle Name #1].”

Me: *getting beyond tired of going around this circle* “I get that. Was there something you were hoping to accomplish with this phone call?”

Caller: “My name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2]. I got this letter at my address but it says [Full Name With Middle Name #1].”

Me: “I understand. Since it is not for you, I suggest that you throw it away.”

Caller: “But my name is [Full Name With Middle Name #2].”

Me: “Yes. You should throw the letter away because it is not for you.”

Caller: *very reluctantly* “I guess I will throw it away.”

Me: “Yes, you do that.”

Caller: *still reluctant* “I will throw it away.”

Me: “Yes, throw it away. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(My boss overheard my side of this conversation and told me I was “too nice.” And he let me ignore the phone when the guy called again a few minutes later. Thank goodness he didn’t leave a message so I didn’t have to return the call!)

(more…)

(I work at a store where customers purchase their items and wait for them to be brought out. It is a hectic day with several staff being absent suffering with gastroenteritis, so we are a bit behind. The store is pretty packed in comparison to usual and the average wait time for collection is 20 minutes. A woman has used the self checkout and walked straight to the counter. My coworker checks her receipt.)

Coworker: “Oh, you’ve just paid. Sorry, but there is a 20 minute wait.”

Customer: “No. I will be collecting my hair dryer now.”

Coworker: “But you’ve just paid. Your order is 83, we’re just on 66.”

Customer: “I’m not waiting. Get my hair dryer NOW!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. You will have to wait, just like everyone else.”

Customer: “How dare you! This is discrimination. Just because I’m a trans woman doesn’t mean I have to be subjected to this kind of harassment.”

Coworker: “What?”

Customer: “Forcing me to wait behind all these cisgendered people, like a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN! Where is your manager? You deserve to be fired!”

Me: “What is the problem?”

(An elderly woman comes into the store at this point.)

Customer: “WHERE’S MY HAIR DRYER! WHY DOES A TRANS WOMAN HAVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS IN THE 21ST CENTURY!”

Me: “Madam, do you think anyone in our warehouse knows that you are transgender?”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Or the self checkout machine you used to order?”

Customer: *silent*

Me: “Or any of us for that matter before you started mouthing off?”

Customer: “I am a trans woman, and this is discrimination!”

Me: “No, the only person who is making gender an issue in this store is you, and if you do not calm down I will have you wait outside and my coworker here will bring your purchase out to you.”

(The woman opens her mouth to speak when the elderly woman comes up and slaps her on the back of the head. The woman turns around and jumps.)

Customer: “Granny!”

Elderly Woman: “Again? You miserable, ungrateful child. We aren’t paying for your change just so you can be a c***!”

(During the summer our store has a garden center. One day I am helping a customer load 35 40 lb bags of topsoil into her SUV. By helping, I mean she plays on her phone while I do all the lifting. By the last few bags I am sweating like a pig and out of breath. I close the tailgate on her car, said “There you go! Have a good one!” and instead of a thank you, I get this:)

Customer: “You’re kinda chunky, aren’t ya?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “If you lost a few pounds, you wouldn’t be so out of breath.”

Me: “Umm, I have asthma, ma’am.”

Customer: *totally ignoring what I just said* “That’s the trouble with you kids now; your parents let you have anything you want instead of practicing a little restraint. That’s the number one cause of child obesity these days.”

Me: “I’m 37 years old, and while I’ll admit I’m not at my ideal weight, I would hardly consider myself obese, thank you. To tell you the truth it’s not so much the overeating that makes me the way I am, but all the drinking I do to cope with situations like this.”

Customer: “M’kay! Have a nice day!”

(I work in a shop that lets customers print photos using self-service kiosks, but we are there to help customers who may need it. A young girl of around 13 to14 years of age is uploading photos from her phone to print out. I ask her if she needs any help, but she declines. A short while later her order receipt prints out behind the counter, which tells me she’s ordered her prints on the one-hour service. However, she’s still standing at the kiosk, obviously waiting for her photos to print.)

Me: “Are you uploading any more photos or have you finished?”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I’ve finished.”

Me: “Okay, you’ve put those through on the hour service so you can collect them at 2:30.”

Customer: *stares blankly at me*

Me: *stares back*

Customer: “So… they’re going to take an hour?”

Me: “Yeah, you put them through on the hour service.”

Customer: “Oh… do you need me to pay?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

(She pays, and then stares at me again.)

Customer: “So they’re definitely going to be an hour?”

Me: “Yes, they’ll be ready at 2:30! Thanks!”

(She stared at me for a few seconds longer, and then finally left. The best part? She was wearing a t-shirt that had “IDIOT” written on it.)