(I’m an employee working box office on a busy Friday night. We’ve had two R-rated movies come out and, as you can imagine, a plethora of teenagers are trying to sneak in. I’ve already had to refuse several and report them to my managers as a risk. Our box office is small and there are only three of us.)

Other Employee: “No, you can’t see that movie if everyone doesn’t have ID.”

(The teenagers halt transactions on three cash registers and leave to talk in a huddle and return moments later.)

Customer: “I want tickets for [PG-13 movie].”

Me: “Of course. Do you have a student ID for a discount?”

Customer: “Why do I need ID? It’s PG-13?”

Me: “It is. I’m asking for a student card for a discount. You won’t have to pay as much.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have it.”

Me: “No problem; it’s going to be [total].”

(They pay and somehow end up back in front of me ten minutes later.)

Customer: “I want a refund?”

Me: “Was there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t want to watch it.”

(This is code for, “I tried to sneak into a different movie and got caught.” I know this because my manager told me.)

Me: *handing him a paper with some highlighted lines for our record* “Not a problem. Can I have you fill out the highlighted section for my record and I’ll get you your refund?”

Customer: “What’s Patrón—” *as in the tequila* “—signature?”

Me: “Pardon?”

(He points to the line.)

Me: “That’s ‘patron.’” *as in a customer*

Customer: “Yeah, what’s that?”

Me: “That’s you, sir.”

(It’s the opening weekend of “Frozen II,” and we are being absolutely slammed. Management and corporate have forced us to cancel about half of our other movies in order to add more showtimes for the film, and they are all selling out. Our usher is so swamped cleaning so many disgustingly messy “Frozen II” theaters that he literally had a panic attack. Box office lines are going out the front door and spilling into the parking lot the entire day. And so many people are coming through concession so quickly that even with extra staff called in and an extra popcorn popper running, the concession staff can’t make popcorn fast enough to keep up with the demand, so there’s a wait on popcorn. It’s absolute chaos. I’m coming in for my mid-shift. I’ve literally just walked in the front door and haven’t even had a chance to clock on yet when someone runs up to me screaming…)

Customer: “YOU G**D*** PIECE OF S***! YOU’D BETTER F****** FIX THIS NOW!”

(I’m absolutely shocked, as this came out of nowhere and I don’t even know what’s happening.)

Me: “Um… I, um… I don’t know…”

Customer: “PIECE OF S*** C***SUCKER MOTHERF*****, DO YOUR F****** JOB, A**HOLE!”

Me: *honestly frightened* “Sir, I… I literally just got here, and I’m not even clocked in. I don’t even know what the problem is.”

Customer: “YOU F****** LIAR, SACK OF S***!”

(He literally stands there for a full minute while I wait for my shift to start so I can clock on, screaming every obscenity I’ve ever heard at me. I clock in and literally run into the back, with him trailing behind me screaming the entire time. I manage to go into the employee break-room and slam the door behind me. My manager is inside, shaking her head.)

Me: *frustrated* “I don’t know what the h*** happened, but some guy is out there losing his mind.”

Manager: “Oh, I know. That’s why I came back here. I couldn’t deal with it after five minutes.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “He bought tickets for Frozen II for the wrong theater, and got mad we wouldn’t let him in for free here — which we can’t even do, because all the showtimes are sold out, anyway.”

(I went out only to be screamed at some more before he finally left around ten minutes later. And that set the mood for the entire day. I’ve never been yelled at or berated as many times as I was that day.)

Me: *picking up ringing phone* “Hi, welcome to [Solar Installation Company]. I’m [My Name]; how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “We got solar panels installed by you lot seven years ago, and now the [Component] isn’t working, and it’s not fair that it’s out of warranty; who can I speak to?!”

Me: *pause* “Miss, I’m very sorry, but the [Component] is only covered by a five-year manufacturer’s warranty—”

Caller: “But it’s not fair! Can’t you do anything for me?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no; it’s the standard warranty and practice for [component].”

Caller: “But it’s not fair!”

(Cue me head-desking and sighing.)

(I’m stocking refrigerated items in the deli. Our company has a very strict policy of items not being out of refrigeration for more than 20 minutes. A customer comes to the counter; I’m the only one available for the counter at the moment.)

Me: “Ma’am, let me put this cart in the fridge real quick and I’ll be right with you.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ll only be a second!”

Me: *leaves cart and heads to counter* “Okay, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh…. hmm… What’s this?” *points*

(Our deli hot case is glass, with labels clearly describing what the item is and the price.)

Me: “Boneless hot wings.”

Customer: “Hmm… and how much are they?”

Me: “[Price] per pound. I’ll give you a second to decide, but I really need to get this cart in the fridge real quick.”

Customer: “But I’ll only be a second!”

Me: *as I’m pushing the cart* “Yes, ma’am, so will I.”

(To the surprise of nobody, I’m sure, she was in fact not “only a second” after that. I learned my lesson that day.)

(I am selling my entry-level DSLR on eBay. Only twenty years old and pretty new to the whole camera world, I don’t notice some dust on the sensor and a few worn spots on the camera body itself, so I don’t include them in the listing. My bad, obviously. When the seller points that out, I agree to accept the camera back and issue a refund. The following conversation takes place over email.)

Me: “Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you the original price — camera + shipping — so [total]. I am sorry it did not work out for you.”

Buyer: “I paid you in advance in good faith for an item that did not arrive in the way that it should — i.e., as listed, and clean. Because of this, I have to return it to you, and go back on eBay and find another camera to bid on. You wrote in your last message, ‘Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you.’ That doesn’t make any sense. I had to trust you when I gave you [total] on winning the auction, and I did, and you were honest and sent the camera. As a matter of simple courtesy, I think is entirely reasonable for me to expect reciprocity in trust, which is to say, to have you refund me before I put it in the mail.”

Me: “As for refunds, standard business practice is to refund your money once I have received the camera back from you. Thank you.”

(The buyer is very argumentative — the whole conversation involves long, drawn-out messages like that — and we go back and forth quite a bit before he agrees to finally send my camera back to me. After I receive the camera back and I think the whole thing is all over, I get this gem:)

Buyer: “I hope that you nor any of the women in your family are able to bear children and bring any more people like you into this world.”

(I reported the conversation to eBay. Not sure if anything was done about it, but I’m pretty sure I could hear the woman on the other end softly chuckling when she read the whole transcript. I mean, seriously?! Who thinks they get a refund BEFORE sending back the item they want to return?)