I’m a physical education teacher, so I’m pretty much always wearing shorts when teaching.
Parent-teacher conferences roll around, and a first-grade student comes up to me with her parents:
Student: “Mr. [My Name], I’ve never seen you wear pants before!”
I’ve never responded quicker to a comment before in my life.
We are taking a high-level international language exam.
Exam Overseer: *Reading out the rules.* “As you have been warned, all use of digital devices is strictly prohibited. Breaking this rule will result in your exam result being invalidated. If you have any questions, you may raise your hand, and a member of the staff will approach you. The staff are not allowed to answer questions regarding the content of the exam.”
At this point, a cat nonchalantly wanders into the classroom.
Students: *Various exclamations of:* “Look! A kitty! Over there!”
Staff Member: “Oh… She must have gotten curious about all the people coming here on a Sunday…”
Exam Overseer: *Without breaking pace or changing his intonation.* “The cat lives here and is part of the staff. She will not give any hints regarding the exam either.”
Student: “Hey, kitty! Over here! Ps-ps-ps!”
Exam Overseer: “There is no use calling to her. The cat will choose one deserving of her presence as she pleases.”
As we begin the test, the cat wanders between the desks, surveying her new servants. Eventually, I am honored to have her settle next to my chair.
The ban on electronic devices feels extremely restricting now that we’re sharing space with a kitty we’re not allowed to take photos of.
After two hours, we go on a short break. As we file back into the classroom, the exam overseer goes to his seat… only to find it occupied by the cat.
Exam Overseer: “Oh… Well.”
He proceeds to stand for the entire hour-long listening section. When I was leaving the classroom after the exam finished, the cat was still sleeping undisturbed in his chair.
I’m a teacher, trying to get my kids to learn something about dictators.
Me: “Okay, so you’re all going to have a debate, and each one of you is gonna be a historical dictator. Take a piece of paper from the pile and read out your name.”
Student #1: *Takes paper.* “I’m Mussolini.”
Student #2: *Takes paper.* “I’m Mao Zedong.”
Student #3: *Takes paper, says nothing.*
Me: “Say your name, [Student #3].”
Student #3: “…”
Me: “[Student #3], your name, please?”
Student #3: “…”
Me: “[Student #3]?”
Student #3: “Oh, I’m sorry… I was just… ‘Stalin‘.”
Based on the groans of the classroom, we had already witnessed our first crime against humanity.
This story reminded me of something that happened during my college career.
The state of Michigan has two parts: a lower peninsula that gets pretty chilly north-Midwest weather, and the upper peninsula that gets freezing wind whipping down from Canada and massive amounts of snow. I grew up in the upper part, but was going to school in the lower part.
Freshman year, moving into the dorms, I met my roommate, who was really excited to be experiencing an American winter. He was already feeling kind of chilly. It was late August and over 80 °F (27 °C), so I asked where he was from and if he had a winter coat. Turned out he was from Jamaica, and he proudly showed off a light windbreaker.
Me: “Okay… First thing tomorrow, we’re heading down to the Army Surplus store and getting you a real coat, a hat, some gloves, and some boots.”
Sophomore year, new dorm, new roommate! And a similar story, except this time they were from Guatemala and didn’t even think to bring a windbreaker.
Army Surplus store trip for coat, hat, gloves, and boots.
Junior year! I’m out of the dorms and into half of a duplex apartment with a shared living room and kitchen. I lived there for two years and had two different housemates over the duration, each of whom had transferred in from out of state.
The first one was from Miami, Florida and had never left their state before.
Army Surplus store trip.
The second was an international student from Hokkaido in northern Japan. Finally, somewhere that gets snow! But his folks were in the diplomatic service, so he’d grown up in Tahiti.
I provided a lot of business to that surplus store.
I took a geology/environmental sciences class for a required part of my degree, and one of our first tests was identifying specific rocks by structure, color, and how it reacts to a drop of acid we were provided. One of the rocks is Halite – aka rock salt (this one I identified because it did have a distinctive salty smell).
The next time we meet, our professor looks at us and announces:
Professor: “I am very disappointed none of you tried to identify the rocks by licking, as one would have been immediately identifiable that way.”
We all stared dumbfounded as the college had only started letting us have in-building classes a few months ago (it was 2021).
Classmate #1: “Uh. Professor… you’re asking us to lick rocks.”
Professor: “Yes, it’s a tried-and-true method in geology.
Me: “I think most of us know that, but you remember last year, right?”
Classmate #2: “Yeah! I don’t think it’d keep any germs on for long, but excuse us for not wanting to lick anything after everything.”
Professor: “Oh… uh.”
Classmate #3: “I only thought about it after using acid on every sample, and I’m not licking acid.”
Classmate #4: “EEEW! You mean I touched stuff other people licked?!”
Professor: “Okay… I guess that’s understandable, but really, this is the one science where licking the subject is acceptable; you should take advantage of it.”
