Totally Wade Wilson Worth It

, , , , , , | Learning | June 18, 2018

(This happens in college. I’m doing some homework in my dorm when my friend and roommate comes in.)

Friend: “Hey, do you want to see the movie The Witch with me tonight?”

Me: “That’s the horror movie that just came out, right? Sure. You wanted to see it?”

Friend: “A little, but the professor for my mythology and folklore course said we can get extra credit if we go see it, so it’s mostly that.”

(That night, we head to the movie theater. When we get there, I see a movie poster on the wall of the building for “Deadpool,” a movie we’ve both been very excited to see, and see that the release date was over a week ago.)

Me: *pointing out the poster* “I didn’t realize Deadpool was out already.”

Friend: “Me, either. Huh.”

(We go inside to wait in line, since we haven’t actually bought our tickets yet. Inside, there’s another very large poster for “Deadpool” that we can see from the line. After waiting in line for a couple minutes, my friend turns to me.)

Friend: “Hey, [My Name].”

Me: “Yeah?”

Friend: “Do you want to see Deadpool, instead?”

Me: “I was hoping you’d ask!”

(Needless to say, my friend did not end up getting the extra credit, but she had no regrets about watching “Deadpool,” which we both greatly enjoyed!)

Suddenly Got Wood

, , , , , , | Learning | June 18, 2018

(My woodshop teacher tells us this story, and it is one of his more memorable ones. A couple years ago there was a girl in his class who was known to wear less-than-appropriate clothing, and on this day she was wearing a crop top showing her belly button. This is important to note, as well as the fact that she has no martial arts or sports training. Also, this teacher is known for throwing items.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher], can you please cut me this piece of wood?”

Teacher: “Of course, one sec.”

(He then throws the piece of wood which he is currently working on towards the wood recycling. He accidentally lets go early, causing the jagged piece of wood with splinters EVERYWHERE to fly towards the girl’s belly button.)

Girl: “Oh, yeah, Mr. [Teacher]? Can you check my worksheet after this? I had some questions.”

(She then proceeds to catch the piece of wood between two fingers, right as it is about to hit her, and continues to speak. She twirls it around as everyone stares at her in awe, and she looks down to realize she is holding a piece of wood.)

Girl: “Where did this come from?”

Coming Soon: The Not Always Right Store!

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 17, 2018

Hey readers!

Soooo the other day we accidentally posted an announcement for a secret project we have been working hard on for you: the Not Always Right Store!

As some of our witty readers commented, we were definitely not always right! We are still putting the finishing touches on the store and making sure everything is perfect for you.

In the meantime, we’d like to thank you for your patience and understanding.

Be sure to check back again when we have our grand opening of the Not Always Right Store on Monday, June 25, 2018.

We hope you are all just as excited as we are!

The Not Always Right Team

PS – If any of you happen to be the owner’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate, this makes us absolutely nothing! May the schwartz be with you!

Not Even Taking Calculated Risks

, , , , , | Learning | June 17, 2018

(I am in university in a town 30 kilometers away from home. The university is a famous one, and I managed to get into the Business & Economy faculty, which is one of the top faculties there. I am attending the second meeting for statistics class, at the beginning of our first semester.)

Professor: “All right, class, have you all brought a scientific calculator, as I asked last meeting?”

Class: *nods and sounds of agreement*

Professor: “Okay, does anyone here know how to use it?”

Me: *raises hand* “I do.”

Class: *silence*

(Confused, I look around and see that no one else has their hand up.)

Professor: “Just one this semester? Hmm. Well, why don’t you come here and show the others how to use it?”

(I go to the front, still confused.)

Me: “Okay, just to make sure, do you guys only know how to use the basic functions of it, or do none of you know how to use it at all?”

Class: *shakes head*

Me: “How about the calculator in your smartphones? Surely you’ve used that once or twice?”

Class: *more head shaking*

Me: “Then… how have you been doing math all this time?”

Classmate: “I usually just Google the answer.”

Class: *murmurs of agreement*

(I stand there in disbelief, long enough that the professor tells me to sit down and takes over teaching the class how to use calculators. Later, after class has ended:)

Me: “Sir, I still couldn’t believe that someone who got this far has never used a calculator.”

Professor: “It’s very common, from what I’ve seen. The most I’ve seen in a year was three students.”

(I lost the — admittedly small — amount of faith I had in humanity that day.)

Not Giving You A-Ten-tion

, , , , , | Learning | June 16, 2018

(It’s my senior year, the day after an awards ceremony for students in the top 10% academically for their year. I was invited to the ceremony, but given a different award even though I am in the top 10% of students. It’s not something I particularly care about, but I am curious as to how I didn’t qualify, so during lunch I stop by the registrar.)

Me: “Hi, I have a quick question about the board of trustees awards yesterday.”

Registrar: “Yes, what about it?”

Me: “So, I am in the top ten for the class of 2015, but I didn’t receive the award. I don’t really care all that much that I didn’t get it, but I guess I just wanted to know why I didn’t qualify?”

Registrar: “The trustee award is only for students in the top 10% for the year, not overall.”

Me: “Yeah, I get that, but here’s the thing: I’ve only gotten the award once before, and I just qualified for the top 10% overall this year. So. I don’t understand how I could be graduating top ten, but not be in the top 10% for this specific year.”

(The registrar starts getting irritated.)

Registrar: “Look, they just give me a list of names. It’s too late to change anything. You didn’t get the award.”

Me: “I know, and like I said, I’m really fine with that. But from a math standpoint, can’t you agree it doesn’t really make sense?”

Registrar: “I just have a list.”

Me: “But—”

Registrar: “I just have a list! You weren’t in the top ten, so you didn’t get the award. I have other students to talk to, so go back to class.”

(There were no other students waiting, but I decided to let this one go.)

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