Assassinating Bad Attitudes

, , , | Learning | June 22, 2017

(I work for a karate school picking up the kids, doing general cleaning, and then watching them after class till their parents come. Most of the kids have behavior issues. They are between six and nine. The dojo has taught them that the highest belt is the leader. Also note: I’m a 115 lb white woman who looks way younger than I am. First day:)

Usually Troubled Boy: “We don’t have to listen to you! What belt are you?”

Me: “I don’t have a belt. I was taught by a MOSSAD buddy!” *not a total lie… I married one and have learned, like, three moves* “I killed a man with THIS THUMB!” *total lie*

(After waiting for parents to show up I was tackled by all eight kids but took a stance to stay upright and just let them whack at me to the point of them biting my ankles while I give a look of “I’m sorry, are you doing something?”)

Frustrated Little Girl: “How are you not falling down!?”

Me: “Skills, darling.”

Usually Troubled Boy: *when his mom came* “MOM! THIS IS MISS [My Name]! SHE’S AN ASSASSIN!”

(Mom gave me a look and I just shot the “I dunno” look back. They never gave me problems again and if I even twitched an eyebrow they were silent. The troubled boy even became the sweetest one next to me. I miss those kids.)

Cheating Is Never The Answer

, , , , , , | Learning | June 22, 2017

I am a freshman in college working late one night on some homework with another classmate. Our professor encourages us to compare answers with our classmates to make sure we understand the material before handing it in. Our school has a very strict no tolerance policy against plagiarizing so while we are allowed to compare answers, we are not allowed to simply copy another’s homework. It’s about halfway through the term and usually there’s another girl (we’ll call her M) working with us in our study group. For some reason she can’t make it and asks for us to send her our answers so that we can go over them through email. However, once we send them to her we never hear back, despite sending her multiple messages. We eventually decide to just work without her in order to get the assignment turned in on time.

We don’t see M in class the next day and later that week I receive an email from my professor asking me to meet him after class. Naturally I spend the rest of the day trying to figure what I did wrong. Turns out the TA’s in the class noticed that M had turned in screenshots for most of her answers. Normally this wouldn’t raise suspicions since many students like to do their assignments by hand and turn in scanned copies. However, in M’s case they notice the handwriting doesn’t match up with the rest of her answers. Turns out that M had taken screenshots of my answer, pasted them into her own assignment, and sent it in!

Of course this got sent on to the Honor Board. I went through weeks of anxiety submitting a testimony, evidence, and having multiple conversations trying to clear my name. I even offered to have them pull my text messages to show that I never gave her permission to copy my answers. I didn’t care that M had messed up her own academic record but I was raging that she had put my own in jeopardy as well. In the end they cleared me and M was suspended. I’ve never been so relieved in my life and since then I’ve had no patience for anyone who cheats. I’d rather fail a class than get kicked out of school. M tried to contact me through Popular Social Media Site sometime during the next term. I simply deleted it and blocked her.

I Heart Math

, , , , | Learning | June 22, 2017

(Our teacher has written a question on the board and a fellow student is trying to answer it.)

Student: *finishes writing answer*

Teacher: “x<34?”

Student: “No, it’s lesser than four times—”

Teacher: “But you have put a three in there after less than.”

Student: “Isn’t that how you write it?”

Teacher: “No. Less than is just the arrow.”

Student: “That’s how I’ve always written it.”

Other Student: “Sir, less than 3 is a love heart in text language.”

Teacher: “Oh, I see. Please, no one do that in exams. I beg of you.”

Had To Go Back And Think About It

, , , , | Learning | June 21, 2017

(My graduate program has several international students, and many are taking English classes to improve their English. In our large common office, it is typical for them to ask the domestic students for help with their English homework. Most days I am glad to help, but sometimes I get busy.)

International Student: “Can you help me? What is the difference between ‘think of’ and ‘think about’?”

Me: *distracted* “I’d love to help, but I have an important deadline in a few hours, so I don’t have time to think of any examples right now. Is it okay if I think about it and get back to you later?”

(Everyone stares at me.)

Officemates: “Did you… Did you do that on purpose?”

Me: “What?” *replays response in my head* “…oh. Nope.”

Can’t Knock A Good Bout Of Talking

, , , | Learning | June 21, 2017

(This is directly after art class. Everyone is cleaning tables. My friend is known for not listening during art, and talking a lot.)

Friend: *knocks over pencil can while wiping table and talking* “Dang it!”

Teacher: “[Friend], do you know why you knocked that over?”

Friend: “Um…”

Teacher: “It’s because you aren’t focusing on the task. You talk too much and it needs to stop.”

Friend: “I knocked over a pencil can!”

Teacher: “If I hear you talk one more time, I’m going to write you up. Is that clear?”

Friend: “Yes, ma’am.”

(Bear in mind this was while we were cleaning off tables, not during class. Everyone else in the room was talking, including me, and he got in trouble for knocking a pencil can over. Needless to say, the next day he talked as much as possible.)

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