English And Math And Sex, Oh My

, , , | Learning | August 17, 2017

(I am 22, and have made the decision to go back into education and finally get some A-Levels. The course requires me to pass some basic GCSE’s in English and maths. I already have these and so should not have had to take the classes. I come in and show my results and GCSE certificates. These are scanned and copied to the relevant people and I am told “thanks, you don’t need to attend the maths or English classes now.” Fast forward a few months and my group tutor pulls me aside:)

Tutor: “[My Name] I have no idea why I’ve been given this message but apparently you haven’t been to a single maths or English class. I told them you already had GCSEs but they said they were told no such thing.”

Me: “But I spoke to the head of the English and maths department… She took copies of the results.”

(My tutor decided to take copies of them himself and return to her. We thought everything was okay but a few weeks later I am asked to attend a meeting with the deputy principal of the college to “review the status of my admission and the future of my placement.” My tutor and I go to the meeting armed with both the email chain he had with the head of the department and my results. The deputy principal agree that I should never have had to attend these classes and the matter is closed. However my torture is not to end. It turns out I have to attend an alternative class in this time slot. The first class I go to a teacher tries to have me apply for my provisional drivers license. That ends when I pull out my driving license and car keys. Following that I am sent to a class on ‘Personal Health’… This is a sex education class. Five minutes in I stood up and addressed the teacher.)

Me: “Umm, sorry. I know I have to be here but… I’m 22; there really isn’t much I’m going to learn here.”

(After that I was just given the hour slot off.)

Bolting To The Answers

, , , | Learning | August 17, 2017

(I participate in a quiz competition in a group of four. We win by the highest margin with only one incorrect answer out of about 60 or so. This happens during the last round of ‘Rapid Fire’ where a person is chosen as a representative from each team and has to answer 10 questions in a minute.)

Quiz Master: “Name the fastest two-legged animal on the planet.”

Me: “Usain Bolt.”

(Yeah, not my greatest moment.)

Should Have Noted Their Age

, , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(It is the day after my 18th birthday. I have taken the day off from school to celebrate. If we are absent from school we need to bring in a note from our parents or other legal guardian.)

Homeroom Teacher: “[My Name], do you have a note from home?”

Me: “Sorry. Just a moment.”

(I quickly write a note at my desk stating “I was sick yesterday. Signed, [My Name].”)

Homeroom Teacher: “It’s supposed to be a note from home!”

Me: “I’m 18. I’m legally an adult. I can write my own notes now.”

Homeroom Teacher: “But it’s supposed to be from home!”

Me: “Well, I could go to my locker, write the note, and tell you I brought it from home. Would that work?”

(Apparently most students hadn’t realized that they could do this once they turned eighteen. And by making a big deal of it in front of the entire class my teacher caused it to go public, leading to a rise in absences for the rest of the school year.)

Rabbits Are My Number One And Two Favorite Animals

, , , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(I work as an animal carer for our local petting zoo which also has a child day-care center for children aged 0-4. Off course the children love all the animals and are always curious what we are doing. One morning I am on my way to feed our rabbit groups near to where the children are playing. A cute little girl of about three follows me to the pens.)

Girl: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I am going to feed the rabbits and give them some water.”

Girl: “Why?”

Me: “Well, I think they would like to have something to eat and to drink just like you do.”

Girl: “Will that make them pee and poo?”

(Trying to keep a straight face.)

Me: “Yes, they will need to pee and poo.”

(The girl seemed satisfied and I allowed her to pet one of the rabbits for a moment before she went off to play again.)

Your Professor Is Not Professor. X

, , , | Learning | August 16, 2017

(During every lecture, our professor gives us a two question quiz on paper, which you hand in at the end. You would think after successfully completing thirteen years of school, students would know to put their name on anything they are handing in, but alas, they apparently have not learned. At the end of lecture:)

Professor: “Make sure you put your name on it! I do hold it up to the light and try to feel your psychic signature, but if that doesn’t work… it goes straight in the bin.”

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