Taiwannical Behavior, Part 3

, , , , | Learning | March 21, 2018

Me: “What do you call the Thailand nationality?”

Brother: “Taiwanese?”

Me: “That’s Taiwan.”

Brother: *cocky* “Where’s Taiwan, [My Name]?”

Me: “Not in Thailand, I can tell you that much.”

Taiwannical Behavior, Part 2
Taiwannical Behavior

[Citation Needed]

, , , , , | Learning | March 21, 2018

(Midway through my dissertation, I have to submit an interim report. I do so, and get the following email back from the markers.)

Markers: “We are unable to process your submission, as our automatic plagiarism scanners flagged up more than the 15% plagiarism allowance. Please make an appointment to see your tutor.”

(They’ve attached a link to their automated report. I have a look at it, and laugh.)

My Email Back: “The report says more than 15% of it was plagiarised from [My Name]. I am [My Name]. I copied and pasted some sections from my introductory report into this one, as the guidelines told me to do.”

Markers: “We’ll let this slide this time, but make sure to check in future.”

(Some time later, I tell this story to someone who works in a different university and marks papers there.)

Other Marker: “Yeah, that happens a lot. Most of the others don’t bother looking at the paper itself; they just say, ‘No, don’t waste time. Just look at the report!’ I had one student who had to write a paper analysing the lack of references in Wikipedia articles. He posted the article he was using as a case point in his paper. The lack of references in there got flagged by the system. If I hadn’t taken the time to read it through, they’d have thrown it out.”

Thyme Too Improv The Grammer

, , , , , | Learning | March 20, 2018

(I am an English teacher in the days before computers, word processors, spell check, etc. In freshman English, I assign a paper as homework on the first day, to evaluate the level of ability I am dealing with in the new class. After the paper has been graded, a very irate mother storms into my class with a girl in tow.)

Mother: “Are you Mrs. [My Name]?!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “What’s the meaning of giving my daughter a D on this paper? She has never had less than an A in junior high school!”

Me: “Forty-six spelling and grammatical errors in a two-page, hand-written paper does not get an A. The only reason I gave a D instead of an F was that the idea presented was good.”

(The mother splutters on about only the idea being important, not the spelling, and then says she is going to take it up with the principal.)

Me: “Be my guest.”

(Needless to say, the issue died a quiet death, and by the end of the year the girl was writing A and B papers legitimately. It makes you wonder about the junior high school teachers who passed her on.)

Jiu Jitsu Believe It?

, , , , , | Learning | March 19, 2018

The gym teacher of my school was also the coach of our local soccer team. When this story happened, I had been doing German jiu jitsu for nine years, was currently preparing for the southern German championship, and simultaneously had a D in gym class for the fifth time in a row. The reason for this was that, in the eyes of my gym teacher, anyone who wasn’t on the soccer team had to be unathletic and have no interest in sports. He pretty much made us play soccer every class, only focused on the boys he knew from his team, and gave everyone else a D at the end.

After a while I was fed up with it. I was getting a D, no matter what. I stayed in my classroom doing homework when gym class started, until a classmate came to bring me to the teacher. When I got there, he immediately laid into me, accusing me of being a lazy, entitled kid, only playing computer games all day, etc.

Knowing it wasn’t true, I kept my cool and waited for him to run out of steam to explain my protest. This didn’t work out. He kept getting angrier by the minute. After a while he started to come closer and closer to me. To avoid physical confrontation, I backed up, and kept going until I arrived at the wall. He kept coming nearer, and after he grabbed my shirt, routine kicked in. I threw him to the ground. Apparently, this caught him by surprise and he hit himself in the face while trying to keep his balance. Then his nose started bleeding.

He got up without a word and left the gym. After 20 minutes, my class decided he was not coming back, and we went to our classroom. Some minutes later, the principal arrived with two police officers. They took me out of the class and explained that the gym teacher told them I attacked him. I tried to explain my side of the story, but the principal wouldn’t have any of it. My parents were called in and they took me home. We were told I was suspended until further notice, and that they’d get back to us when they knew if the gym teacher would press charges. They told us it would be best to consider a voluntary change of school. My parents didn’t know who to believe. After all, I was a teenager, and they knew the teacher and I weren’t getting along.

They took me out of my jiu jitsu dojo and started looking for other schools, saying it would be best that way. That might have been the end of it, but a friend told me after a while that apparently a student made a video with his phone. After seeing it, my parents finally sided with me and immediately confronted the principal who, sadly, still seemed to side with his teacher. After contacting a lawyer, we learned that our chances were slim at best. We were discouraged, and again began looking for other schools. However, the other parents of the soccer team now knew what really happened. The team soon decided to do what the school wouldn’t, and kicked the coach to the curb. This hit him where it really hurt. He moved soon after. I finished school with an A in gym class.

Your Grades Will All Die Eventually

, , , , , , | Learning | March 19, 2018

(I’m in my economics class. My class is known for goofing around, but we still do our work. My teacher is sort of laid back with us, so we joke with her about things. Our teacher is giving a lecture until we start getting off topic. I can’t remember how exactly we got to this, but we are talking about death in older people. Also, the teacher has been sick and going to the doctor, and recently had surgery. One girl is talking to the teacher. Everyone can hear her, speaking in a uncaring voice.)

Girl #1: “What’s the point, if you’re going to die, anyway?”

(In a split second everyone turns to her and gasps in shock.)

Classmate #1: “What is wrong with you?!”

Classmate #2: “How can you just say that?!”

Classmate #3: “Wow, [Girl #1]!”

Classmate #4: “What the f***?!”

(The teacher is just shocked, and [Girl #1] realizes what she just said.)

Teacher: “Well, guys, if I’m not here tomorrow… You should know why.”

Girl #1: *stammering* “I mean, we all die in the end.”

Girl #2: “[Girl #1], if your average in the class suddenly goes down, you should know why.”

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