Me: *speaking slowly and clearly* “The test will be on Thursday.”

Student: “Okay! I heard you the first time!”

Me: “That was the second time.”

(While observing students in study hall, I am also trying to reply to some emails. One of my sixth-grade students come up to me with a cross necklace in her hand. She then takes the necklace and places it on my hand as I’m trying to type.)

Me: “Yes, what can I do for you?”

Student: “I’m blessing you so you won’t die old and alone.”

Me: “Umm… Thank you?”

(She smiled at me and returned to her seat, leaving me dumbfounded.)

(We offer free scanning for students who need to scan documents for legal purposes. I’ve placed it in the copier and am showing them the steps.)

Me: “When it prompts you for your email address, put in your college email.”

Student: “I want to send it to my Gmail.”

Me: “This copier only sends email to college addresses. From there, you can forward it to your personal email.”

Student: “I’ll just put in my Gmail address.”

Me: “That will not work. The copier is only hooked up to our internal server, not to the Internet. It will not send to an external address.”

Student: “But I want it in my Gmail.”

Me: “Do you check your college email regularly?”

Student: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you know how to forward an email?”

Student: “Yes.”

Me: “So, send it to your college email, open it up, and forward it to your Gmail. I can help you do that.”

Student: “I just want to scan and send it to Gmail.”

Me: *removes the document, hands it to student* “Okay, I think [Drugstore twenty-minute bus ride away] does that. I don’t know what they charge, and there’s usually a line.”

Student: “Oh, great! Thank you!” *heads off to spend an hour and get charged a fee doing something they could do for free in three minutes*

(I’m in the fifth grade. I turn in a math assignment. A week later, I get it back, torn up. This is what is written on it, paraphrased.)

Teacher: “You did a good job. My dog thought so, too.”

(That was the first time I’ve ever heard about a teacher’s dog eating homework!)

(I’m a teacher. The music teacher and I are unloading a bus in the morning when a grown woman gets off. This is not unusual; sometimes parents ride with their children when they’ve had behavioral issues on the bus. The woman goes to the edge of the parking lot and starts talking on a cell phone.)

Music Teacher: “Notice anything strange about that woman?”

Me: “No, what?”

Music Teacher: “She’s not on a cell phone.”

(I look again. She’s not on the phone. She’s just… talking. By this time, the kids are all in the building.)

Music Teacher: “I’m getting the principal.”

(The woman approached me and began talking. It became immediately obvious that she was not all there. She wandered off and the police were called. As it turns out, she was a mentally disturbed woman who had just randomly climbed on the bus that morning. The bus driver was a substitute and didn’t ask the woman her business. When the woman began ranting to the busload of children, the substitute driver didn’t radio for help or advice, but just went along on her route. When the woman got off at the end of the line, the driver didn’t inform anyone what had been going on. The driver no longer works for the district.)