On Hold… For Life

, , , , , , | Learning | October 21, 2017

(I work as an IT technician for my college during the summer, and they are in the process of upgrading their phone system. I have replaced a certain older professor’s phone the previous day and left both a full manual of how to use the phone as well as a more condensed “how-to” pamphlet. Mind you, the phone is not difficult to use and works exactly like any other office phone. The professor in question calls the help desk.)

Me: “Hello, IT help desk. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Professor: “Yeah, I need to know how to use the new phone.”

(I am confused, as he is calling on that very phone.)

Me: “Is there a certain feature you’re not sure of how to use?”

Professor: “I just need to know how to make calls on it.”

(I am very confused now.)

Me: “It should work just like your old phone, just pick up the handset and start dialing. You can check your voicemail by pushing the button that looks like an envelope.”

Professor: “Why are we changing them, anyway?”

Me: “Our old system is really outdated and is costing us a lot to maintain.”

Professor: “Well, who is paying for all these new phones?”

Me: “I’m not sure of what part of the budget it’s coming out of, but it will actually save us money in the long-run.”

Professor: “Well, we’re all dead in the long-run.”

Me: *speechless for the next full 30 seconds* “Umm, yep… Is there anything else you need?”

Professor: “Nope, bye.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

Death Is Foolish

, , , | Learning | October 20, 2017

(I am in an Introduction to English Literature class, and there are varying types of students taking it. There are those that actually enjoy the content and those that are there just to get the English credit. We are discussing Shakespeare’s play, ‘Hamlet,’ and have to answer questions on what happens. If you pay attention in class or even go on Sparknotes, you can figure out what’s going on and the questions are super easy. Despite this, my professor still receives some weird answers, one of which he decides to share with the class.)

Professor: *reading off response* “’…but Hamlet escapes and leaves them looking foolish.’ Well, no, actually, if you recall, he left them looking rather dead.”

You’re Light-Years Away From Passing

, , | Learning | October 20, 2017

(I am waiting to dismiss my eighth grade class to go to their Spanish class. It’s well known that they don’t particularly care for the Spanish teacher, and a few of them start to mutter about her.)

Student #1: “She teaches us the same thing every year!”

Student #2: *from across the room* “Well, you’d think you would have learned it by now!”

(I about died laughing.)

Top Marks In Any Language

, , , , , | Learning | October 20, 2017

I am a college teacher at a school that has a lot of international students. I have decided to try giving my students online quizzes this semester.  

After a particular quiz, one of my international students comes up to me, complaining that she has answered every question correctly, but was marked wrong. I log into the system we use to administer these quizzes to look at her quiz. I quickly identify the problem: she answered the yes/no questions correctly… in Portuguese.

I gave her full credit and asked her to use English for these quizzes in the future.

Textbook Case Of Textbook Loss

, , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2017

(I’m the idiot in this story, but it’s not entirely my fault. I’ve had to order this particular textbook online twice now, as the first one never arrived and the vendor could not provide me with accurate tracking information. I have been waiting for a week now for the second copy, and classes have long since started.)

Me: “Hey, [Roommate], did you get the mail?”

Roommate: “Yeah, it’s on the table.”

(My textbook is not among the mail on the table. I continue checking the mailbox for several days, to no avail. Finally, I give up hope and email the vendor, hoping for a refund.)

Me: “I never received this item. Can I have a refund, please?”

Representative: “Certainly! I just need [personal details] to process the refund.”

(I provide the details they need. At this point, the email thread changes tone, so I can only assume that a different person is on the other end.)

Representative: “Upon looking at your order, your tracking number is [number], and according to the carrier website, your item was delivered several days ago. Please check around your porch area.”

(I go to find my roommate.)

Me: “Are you sure I haven’t received anything in the mail recently?”

Roommate: “Oh, yeah! I have this book that isn’t for any of my classes. Maybe it’s yours?”

(It turns out she’d just assumed that all of the textbooks that had come in the mail were hers! Still, I’m the one who had to email the company back with a shamefaced apology. I’m sure they thought I was trying to scam them!)

Page 1/1,18612345...Last
Next »