No One Knows The Top Notes

, , , , | Learning | September 19, 2017

(While in music class, we get off topic and begin discussing influential bands. To the surprise of no one, this turns into a conversation about the Beatles, arguably one of the most recognizable bands in history. However, it seems that one girl does not know who they are:)

Girl: “I have never heard of the Beatles…”

Teacher: “I have no idea how you have never even heard of their name. They recorded over 400 songs, so there has got to be a way you’ve heard at least one at some point in your life.”

Girl: “I don’t think so…”

Me: “Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, George Harrison, John Lennon? Any of those names at all sound familiar?”

Girl: “No…”

Student #1: “They wrote ‘Here Comes the Sun’ and ‘Come Together.’ Those are pretty recognizable songs.”

Girl: “Doesn’t sound familiar.”

Student #1: “You gotta be f***ing kidding me here.”

Student #2: “Wait! [Girl], you’ve seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, right?”

Girl: “Of course!”

Student #2: “You know that scene where Ferris gets on that parade float and sings that song ‘Twist and Shout’? That’s a song by the Beatles!”

Girl: “Oh… I thought that was actually Matthew Broderick singing that…”

Trying To Put The Finger On The Problem Child

, , , , , | Learning | September 19, 2017

(The school I work at has a great program in the summer, where international students come to Canada and check out the school. During their time, they experience Canadian culture and practice their English skills. We do have some young students come as well, and I work with a group of 7-11’s. Before class starts, I notice that there is some bullying happening. Since they’re the younger group, often when I speak to them, I use a lot of visuals or hand signs to communicate. I decide to address the issues I have seen.)

Me: “Morning, everybody. Before we get started, I just wanted to remind everybody about the rules we decided on for the class. One was treating each other with respect, and I did not see that this morning. Remember: in this classroom, we only say positive things. So only this:” *gives thumbs up* “None of this:” *gives thumbs down*

Student: “Or this.” *gives me the middle finger*

(I had a moment of shock, and then told the student to wait outside while I called the supervisor to come talk to him. However, I was really thinking about what a good segue that was, and how I couldn’t admit I was impressed.)

When Grammar Nazi Jokes Are Inappropriate

, , , , | Learning | September 19, 2017

(I am in a German class. My teacher is very old, and is supposed to have retired a couple of years earlier, and even has a bad reputation for slacking among the other teachers.)

Teacher: “You guys are lucky I like you. Back when I was teaching at [Different School] I had one class with a lot of students I didn’t like, so I taught them the wrong grammar on purpose.”

They Need To Be Batter Prepared For College

, , , , | Learning | September 18, 2017

(I just moved into one of the freshmen dorms at my university. This dorm has a tiny kitchen on the ground floor off the main room, and I go there my first night to fill up my water filter. There’s a group of other residents already there, haphazardly baking cupcakes to celebrate moving in.)

Girl #1: “How much time until those pans are done?”

Guy #1: *checking the oven* “Um… a couple more minutes? Wait, oh man! We don’t have any oven mitts, do we?! Guys, how will we get the pans out?!”

Me: *watching him freak out* “Do you have kitchen towels?”

Guy #1: “Huh? Yeah, we have a couple.”

Me: “Just use those as mitts.”

Guy #1: “…wow. You’re right. Thanks!”

Girl #2: “Crap, we’re going to have so many cupcakes. We don’t have space to store all of them, do we?”

Girl #1: “I mean, there’s no way we’re eating them all tonight. Should we leave them in here?”

Me: “You could give them to your friends, or just hand them out around the dorm.”

Girl #2: “Oh, yeah, that would be nice! Let’s do that.”

Guy #2: “Uh, guys, look how much batter we still have. It’s going to take all night to make these.”

Guy #1: “Aw, geez, we made way too much… but we can’t just throw it all away. What do we do?”

Me: *now staring at them* “Are we allowed to put stuff in the fridge?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. I mean, I don’t see why not. It’s here, after all.”

Me: “So, why not cover the bowl and put it in the fridge for tonight? You can bake the rest tomorrow when you have more time.”

Guy #1: *looking at the fridge like I just revealed the secret to life* “Man, you’re so smart!”

Me: “…Thanks.”

(These are the students this university accepted. I am currently questioning my life choices.)

The Science Of Pranking

, , , , , | Learning | September 18, 2017

(I like to prank my students every now and then, or respond to ridiculous questions with ridiculous answers. My students like this, and can catch on to when I’m kidding, but sometimes I can still trick them. After two semesters of this, one of my students approaches me during a work period and asks if he has any homework. I bring him to the work board and point out three things, and he tells me he has completed them all.)

Me: “All right, then. I guess you have nothing left to do except prepare for your science test.”

Student #1: “Science test?”

Me: “Yeah, that huge one worth 50% of your mark? It’s tomorrow.”

(A moment of panic sets in before he realizes I’m kidding. We laugh it off, and a bunch of the other students who hear the exchange laugh about the “science test” as well.)

Student #2: “Wait? WHAT? What science test?”

Student #3: “There’s a science test?”

(There’s a moment of silence where we realize these two students clearly weren’t paying attention. Before I can say anything, another student pipes up.)

Student #4: “Yeah, don’t you remember? We’ve been reviewing for it all week.”

Student #2: “What?! I was away for a week!”

Student #5: “Oh, that’s not good; it’s worth 50% of our science mark.”

Student #3: “WHAT?”

Student #6: “Yeah, the test is huge, too. Over four pages.”

Student #2: “Oh, my God, why are we working on our stories? We have to study!”

(The two students raced to their desks to get their science books, while the rest of the class burst out laughing. Finally, they realized it was a joke. I was so proud!)

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