Lettuce Never Forget This Moment

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 12, 2019

I’m standing at the till in the bookshop where I work. There are a few customers walking around, but no one seems to need my help. To my right, between the till and the door, are several displays with cards; we call it the jungle.

I’m pricing books when an unexpected sound comes from the jungle. I turn my head to witness a woman with a head of iceberg lettuce in her hand, browsing the cards. As I watch, this deer in disguise tears off a good chunk of lettuce and eats it, chewing matter-of-factly, causing the sound I wasn’t expecting to hear in the bookshop. I slowly turn back to my pricing, too surprised to even ask if she wants help.

I am convinced that she was a hardcore vegan, and that was her version of a snack.

A Rags To Rashes Story

, , , , | Healthy | March 12, 2019

My dad likes to share this story of when he worked in a science lab.

There were massive security protocols in place for everything, but one day, a pile of what looked like rags was left in a high-traffic area. People were basically forced to step on the rags to walk through. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to them, or be concerned that they were just lying there.

My dad saw them when he arrived for the day and was finally the one who followed protocol and called it in.

Apparently, the response was something to behold. The lab was shut down. Nobody in the entire lab facility was allowed to leave until they went through thorough decontamination; since it was a high-traffic area, basically everyone had to be considered “exposed” to… whatever it was. Their clothes and shoes were confiscated. People in Hazmat suits came, collected the rags, shut down the wing for decontamination, and left everyone sitting around for hours, unable to do anything or leave.

At the end of the day, an all-clear was given: “We’ve determined that there’s no contamination or exposure from the rags. However, if anyone develops a fungus-like infection or rash, please report it immediately.”

My dad commented, “That’s so comforting to hear.”

The entire staff got to be dragged in for a refresher on safety protocols and “why we don’t just walk through a potential contamination hazard.”

Unfiltered Story #143143

, , , | Unfiltered | March 11, 2019

I was at the grocery store the other day, when my Visa card was declined at the checkout. We’ve just come out of a rough financial patch, and this isn’t the first time this has happened, but I knew we had enough money for groceries! Fortunately, my husband’s job was just five minutes away. I told the cashier to go on with the other customers, and I’d text him for help.

I did just that, standing out of people’s way at the front of the register. By ten minutes later, my husband showed up with the debit card. The cashier, who had somehow held my purchases in the register, had me swipe and pay, and all was fine.

As I started to take my things and go, wishing her a nice day, she caught my eye and held it for a moment, then said, “You’re a very pleasant person.” I smiled and said, “I try.”

I have to give some credit to Not Always Right. This site has encouraged me not to be “that customer.” Thank you!

Sorry, Not Sorry That You’re My Friend, Not Friend

, , , , , | Friendly | March 9, 2019

My college has a great program where, if you work full time so many hours during the summer, in addition to getting paid an hourly wage, you get free room and board on campus! The first summer I do it, it goes excellently. The second, they put us in a different dorm, the one that was just constructed and consists of suites — two rooms with two beds each, two bathrooms, and a small common area — so I have three “suitemates.”

By pure coincidence, my suitemates are all equine science majors who know each other; I’m an English Lit major who doesn’t know any of them. I don’t want to bother them, so I mostly keep to myself and leave them to hang out together, thinking I’d annoy them or be intruding if I tried to force myself into their circle for no reason. I’m an introvert, anyway, so I don’t mind being on my own. They never once invite me anywhere or ask me to do something with them, giving me no indication they want me to hang out with them. They also never once complain to me, never giving me any indication they have a problem with me at all.

I have hyper hearing — I have to sleep with earplugs — and one day, I hear a strange noise or vibration in the walls. I’m sure it is just something up with the AC or heat, but at the time, I’m really curious to know what it is. My roommate has no idea, so I go into the “hall” and knock on our suitemates’ door to ask if they know what it is. That’s when the director of whatever movie we’re in suddenly decides to change the tone and atmosphere of the scene without warning.

1) The two girls act horribly offended that I would ask them this, like I’m taking a great liberty. Think how a parent would respond to a child demanding they choose a certain company to refinance their house.

2) They say, “You know, we’ve had a lot of problems with you.”

3) They finish by informing me, “We’ve gone to the RA about you.”

I’m sincerely stunned and don’t try to hide it. They’re stunned that I don’t get why they’re so upset. At least they’re willing to explain. Their first complaint is my steps are too heavy when I walk, creating too much noise at night. No, they’ve never once mentioned or even hinted at this to me at all. The second is that I’ve been “unfriendly” because I haven’t tried to be their friend… again, with no indication whatsoever that they wanted me to… make an active effort to be their friend…?

Since they claim they’ve gone to the RA already about this, I go to her. She confirms that she was planning to meet with all of us to share their concerns with me and walks with me back to the room. We have a conversation that consists of them repeating that they find my lack of trying to become their best buddy “unfriendly,” also using the phrase, “afraid of you,” and me explaining that they’re all friends in the same classes and I didn’t want to bother them. How was I supposed to know they wanted me to make an effort to be their friend? And why would they want me to if they really found me so annoying? Nothing about their feelings or their way of handling it makes sense!

It’s the only conversation that ever takes place on the subject, which I assume means the RA found it ridiculous. Nothing changes except that I start tiptoeing if I walk around after dark. It is the result of two forces: the stereotypical-but-in-this-case-100%-true female practice to never confront someone directly when you have a problem with them but spread rumors about them behind their back, instead — in this case, to the RA, since there is no posse of high-schoolers available at the time — and the pervasive fear of all loners — remember, anyone who keeps to herself is obviously up to no good!

My family and I still laugh about their immature behavior. It’s hands-down the best roommate story any of us have. I look forward to sharing it with my niece if she goes to college in the far future.

You Won’t Believe This Tall Bale

, , , | Legal | March 8, 2019

Our friend “Stu” is a farmer who sold some hay bales to one of our area’s biggest cattle ranchers — which doesn’t mean much since this isn’t really cattle country, but judging by the glamorous sign on the ranch driveway, the guy thinks he’s something special. But after a few months, the rancher called to ask if he could return a few bales, having decided he’d gotten too much. People usually stock up in the fall and don’t need any later, so Stu wasn’t sure he could resell it at that point, and normally someone who bought too much hay just lives with their mistake, so it was a weird request, but Stu’s a very kind and generous man so he agreed.

After getting the bales back, he did find someone to take a few, but soon afterward that fellow called him up to say his cattle were refusing the hay! Upon inspection, it was found to consist mostly of thistles, saplings, and shrubs! Stu’s hay is carefully cultivated with alfalfa and the usual.

It seems the original purchaser had baled random weeds from some unkempt field and invented his “bought too much” tale in order to get his money back while keeping Stu’s good bales! It was like returning a box to a store with a brick in it for weight instead of the original appliance!

It was so tacky a crime we all found it more hilarious than angering. Aside from telling all his friends to be cautious of doing business with the jerk, and of course vowing to never deal with him again himself, Stu just let it slide.

A couple of months later, Stu and his wife unexpectedly ran into “Mr. & Mrs. Thistlebale” in a vacation spot in another country. Mr. Thistlebale said, “Want to go for dinner? We have to watch our image back home, but down here nobody will see.” No, Stu and his wife did not jump on the charitable offer.

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