I Get Paid To Do This All Day

, , | Right | March 17, 2019

(I’m standing second in line at a customer service desk.)

Customer: “What do you mean, I can’t return this?”

Employee: *calmly* “As I already explained to you twice, we have a thirty-day return policy. You bought this four months ago.”

Customer: *outraged* “This is unacceptable! I will not go away until I get my money back! I can do this for hours.”

Employee: *starting to grin*

Customer: *now furious* “STOP IT! WHY ARE YOU GRINNING?!”

Employee: “Unlike to you, I get paid for standing here and pretending to listen to you while otherwise I really would have to, you know, work and do stuff. Please… go on!”

(The woman grabs her clothes and bolts away in anger, mumbling curse words.)

Me: “Dude, that was awesome! Mind if I borrow that line?”

Employee: *laughing* “No, please do. Works every time! And how else can I help you today?”

Death Is A Pre-Existing Condition

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 13, 2019

(I work for an insurance company. When people forget or lose their insurance cards, the doctor’s office often calls us to confirm if the insurance is up and running. I get one of these calls.)

Receptionist: “I am calling to confirm the insurance of a patient. It’s [Patient], born [date], living at [address].”

(I look up the data, double checking that I am really talking to a doctor’s office.)

Me: “Yeah, he was insured with us up to [date a few months in the past].”

Receptionist: “Well, do you know where he is insured now? He is sitting here, waiting for treatment.”

Me: “What do you mean, he is sitting there? According to my information, he died a few months ago.”

(Turns out, the doctor had two patients with the same name and birthday, and both were insured with us. And the receptionist called up the file just using that information. Only after we asked the patient for his address did we confirm that he was the other patient. I still wonder what went through his mind when the receptionist told him, “I have your insurance on the line; they say you’re dead.”)

Customer Satisfaction Is Like Watching Paint Dry

, , , | Right | March 12, 2019

(I work for a repair shop that has quite a good reputation for fixing cars that have been in accidents. We have a customer who needs to get one of her doors replaced. When you order a new door, it doesn’t come painted, so we need to do that in the shop. The colour is a pretty standard, darker colour and there is not much to mess up with that, especially because my coworkers are highly skilled and specifically trained for paint jobs. The customer, however, is not satisfied at all when she comes to pick up her car.)

Customer: “Have you even looked at the car? It looks horrible! The door is much darker than the rest of the car! You need to redo that. This is unacceptable!”

(One of my other coworkers and I go out to see for ourselves while the customer waits inside.)

Me: “I honestly don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?”

Coworker: “No. It was painted nicely. I guess it seems darker to her because of the bad weather today. Also, the new door is clean, whereas the rest of the car is a bit dusty.”

(I have to mention that we usually wash the customers’ cars before we return them, but you shouldn’t do that to a freshly-painted car.)

Coworker: *after a bit of thinking* “Tell her we’ll fix it. She can come back tomorrow to pick it up.”

(The next day, we had someone hand wash the car. To our delight, the sun came out, and we placed the car with the painted side facing the sun. When the customer came to pick it up, everything was fine, but she didn’t leave without the classic, “Why was that so hard?”. We had a good laugh afterward.)

Technician Needs To Find A New Calling

, , , , | Working | March 7, 2019

(We recently got a new phone system installed. Naturally, we had some starting problems. Day two, my phone suddenly stops working. It’s still able to make calls, but I can’t hear anything and the person I call can’t hear me, either. I go to the IT guys and ask for help.)

Tech: “Go back to your desk. I will call you to figure it out.”

(Took him some time to figure out why I was laughing.)

Asking Two Much Of Them

, , , | Right | March 5, 2019

(We have two options for coffee: freshly brewed and filtered. The first one contains coffee beans which are freshly ground for each cup; the second machine contains already ground coffee powder.)

Me: “Would you like your coffee freshly brewed or filtered today?”

Customer: “Whatever you have.”

Me: “Well… I have both. That’s why I’m asking.”

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