Any Emulsion By Any Other Name

, , , , | Working | November 19, 2018

(My mum decides we need to try a new hipster food place because the guy who owns it is a famous chef and is often on the radio channel she listens to. We are there for lunch and they don’t really have anything that I would like to eat, mainly because of the ingredients; there’s mayo on almost everything. I don’t know if I would consider it a food allergy, but mayo makes me throw up, and vinegar gives me heartburn. So, I decide on the lunch special but tell them I don’t want mayo on the burger, and I request no dressing on the salad. After I order, the chef comes and talks to me.)

Chef: “Are you the one who wanted the burger with no mayo and the salad with no dressing?”

Me: “Yes, please.” *explains my problems with mayo and vinegar*

Chef: “No problem. Would you like some tomato salsa on your burger, instead?”

Me: “Yes, that would be great. Thank you.”

Chef: “Also, the salad dressing only has a little bit of vinegar; you won’t be able to taste it. Mainly it is an emulsion of egg and oil. Just try it; I am sure you’ll like it.”

Me: “No, please don’t put that on my salad.”

(I thought to myself, “You just gave me the definition of mayo, and basically told me the dressing consists of the two things I told you I cannot eat.” They put it on, anyway.)

Put Your Bags In The Euro Trash

, , | Right | November 17, 2018

(It’s October. I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order which comes to €60.)

Customer: “Do you have bags?”

Me: “Yes, we do. You can either get a small plastic bag for ten cents, a large plastic bag for twenty cents, or a canvas bag for €1.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Y-yes. We had to start charging a small fee for our plastic bags in April. It’s a negotiated environmental agreement with the trade association.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I am really sorry, but yes. All our stores now charge for plastic bags. We also sell pretty canvas bags for anything between €3.95 and €7.95, if you want something more fancy?”

Customer: “But it’s raining.”

Me: “Well, all your books are still shrink-wrapped. And as I said, I can sell you a plastic bag, and if you don’t like plastic bags I can offer you a canvas bag for €1.”

Customer: “But I just spent €60.”

Me: “Yes. But unfortunately, we still need to charge for our plastic bags. You can reuse them. If you put them in your coat pocket, you can just use them again next time, and then you won’t have to buy a bag every time you shop here.”

Customer: “Do you really think I will ever shop here again?”

(The customer left, without his books which he had just paid 60 for, and without his receipt.)

At What Point Do You Give Up?

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I’m helping out in another location of the chain I work for. I’m a few minutes into my shift and attending customers together with a coworker. My coworker turns to another customer who she seems to know already. We have loyalty cards, which look like credit cards, where customers collect points for each coffee they buy. Twelve points equal one free coffee. After each transaction in which a card was used the screen shows the total of points already on the card. A customer hands over her loyalty card after ordering a coffee. My coworker finishes the transaction and hands over the coffee, but instead of leaving or moving to the side, the customer stays where she is and stares at the screen. All of what she says is in an incredibly snotty and arrogant tone.)

Coworker: “Would you move a little, please, so I can attend to the next customer?”

Customer: “Wait a minute. There are points missing. I had 936 points yesterday. There are 12 gone! And I paid, too!”

Coworker: “I don’t know where they have gone, ma’am. I didn’t take them because you said you didn’t want to use them yet.”

Customer: “Well, would you check? I was at [Other Location] two days ago and they must have taken my points, but I paid, too! That’s fraud!”

(My coworker prints off the recent transactions with her card and shows them to her.)

Coworker: “Here, it says you were at [Other Location] two days ago, but you were here yesterday and used your points, see?”

Customer: “Oh, I know what happened. I think this was [Store Manager]; she served me yesterday! And she took my money, too!”

Coworker: “No, you didn’t pay for the coffee, see? It says, ‘Total: 0€,’ here.”

Customer: “I did pay! Is [Store Manager] here?”

Coworker: “No, she’s at [Other Location]. I can give you their phone number, if you like?”

(My coworker writes down the phone number of our other location and the customer leaves, pulling out her phone. A while later the store manager calls our store, letting us know she has promised the customer twelve free hot drinks just to have her shut up; we should note down how many she already has on a list at the register. A while later the customer returns.)

Customer: “I want to start using my drinks now. I’d like four teas and one black coffee. I want to start collecting points again. I’ll be back tonight for the rest!”

Coworker: “Uh, you can use them one by one; we’re going to keep track of how many you had so you’ll get all the twelve drinks you’re promised. You can collect points in between.”

Customer: “NO, I’m going to have them today! And remember, not too much water into the coffee!”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(The customer gets her drinks and sits down with her five cups. Then, she waves me over as I’m heading into the back.)

Customer: “Hey, young woman!”

(I turn around and smile at her.)

Customer: *still incredibly snotty* “There’s still that stain on the table that I left earlier. What if I put my sleeve into it?! Come over and wipe the table for me, please!”

Me: *with the brightest smile I can muster* “Sure! I’ll be right back with a damp cloth.”

(I get a cloth and start wiping her table. The stain is already dry and takes a little scrubbing.)

Customer: *smugly* “Yes, that’s taking a little more action. It’s caramel sauce from my coffee earlier!”

(I finish cleaning the table.)

Customer: “Fine, and now turn over the cloth and do it again; I’m sure there’s something left!”

Me: *as cheerful as I can manage* “Of course. Here you go. Enjoy your coffee!”

Another Customer: *a few tables over, who has overheard everything* “I bet that’s your boss.”

Me: “No, luckily not!”

(I head into the back where I tell two coworkers what just happened.)

Coworker: “She’s like that every day. We all hate her.”

(Later I was doing the dishes and found her five cups. Each of the four tea bags was carefully tied to the cup and all of the cups contained at least three napkins each pushed down to the bottom, which took me ages to get out and off the cups. I really appreciate the customers at my usual location now; I’d never had such an demanding, unfriendly customer before.)

Don’t Egg-spect To Find Them In A Vegan Store

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I work in a vegan store. It is written all over our big signs, and even our logo has it in its name.)

Customer: “Do you sell eggs? Where are the eggs?”

Me: “We don’t sell any eggs, sorry, madam; we’re a vegan store.”

Customer: “But I want to make pancakes! How shall I bake pancakes without any eggs? How the h*** is that supposed to work? I need eggs! Why don’t you sell any eggs?”

Me: “You could also use mashed bananas or applesauce as an egg substitute.”

Customer: *starts yelling at me* “You might eat this s***, but I won’t eat your mud! You vegans again! Why do always have to force your beliefs on other people? I’m sick of this s***! I just wanted to buy eggs and you try to force veganism on me! Your attitude is unbelievable!”

Accept Jesus – Now With 90% Less Packaging!

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I own a store, where we also sell some of our products without packaging in bulk, so people can bring their own jars and fill them up with nuts or noodles. We just sell SOME products like that; most products are normally packaged. A woman comes in, cuts in line, and yells at me.)

Customer: “I thought all your products were without any packaging! There are still some with plastic!”

Me: “We never said or advertised anywhere that we are 100% plastic-free; we just have a range of packaging-free products.”

Customer: “Have you ever asked God to help you make your store 100% plastic-free?”

(I look at her in disbelief, as do the other customers in line. She then sits on the sofa in our store, pats on the empty place next to her, and waves at me:)

Customer: “Here. Come; sit beside me. We will pray to Jesus Christ for your store to become plastic-free. If you would just open up for Jesus, all your wishes will come true. Even for your store to become packaging-free!”


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