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Green Blankets Swaddle Better, Duh

, , , , , , | Related | January 17, 2022

My husband and I are expecting our second child. We are waiting until birth to find out baby’s sex. I’m thrifty and am trying to find some of the baby items we want secondhand. I find some really good deals and am sharing my excitement with my mother-in-law. 

Me: “I ended up finding someone just giving away the baby carrier I was looking for and two of the swaddles for under $10 total at a consignment store.”

Mother-In-Law: “Nice. Are they a gender-neutral color?”

Me: “The carrier’s an Oxford blue and the swaddles are a baby blue.”

She makes a tutting sound. 

Me: “What?”

Mother-In-Law: “What are you going to do if you have a girl?”

Me: “What do you mean? I’m going to use them.”

Mother-In-Law: “Blue is a boy’s color. You can’t use those if you have a girl.”

Me: “I don’t care if they were all pink and we had a boy. I’d still use them. The carrier was free and the swaddles were 85% off the cost they normally are. It’s just a color. Baby won’t care.”

Mother-In-Law: *Looking annoyed* “You need a gender-neutral color, instead.”

Me: “Tell you what. If we have a girl, you are more than welcome to spend the $150 dollars to buy everything in the color you deem fit.”

She dropped it after that and I stopped sharing information with her.

The Brat Spoiling Is A Lie

, , , , , | Related | January 11, 2022

I’ve submitted a few stories about my pain-in-the-rear mother-in-law, including this one. She is very generous… with other people’s time and stuff. My husband came home one day telling me his mother stopped him to ask a favor… or rather tell him she wants to have the neighbor over for dinner… at my house, of course, where I would do all the work. Now, normally, I would tell her no, but I liked this guy and his wife had passed away just a few months earlier and I adored her. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my [Mother-In-Law] was trying to get her claws into this poor man. Spoiler alert: she didn’t.

At the time, my firstborn was only about eighteen months old and was eating at the table with us. Of course, a toddler is a bit picky, so she would not eat certain foods. Seeing her opportunity to prove how superior she was, [Mother-In-Law] started berating me.

Mother-In-Law: “You should make your child eat what is put in front of her! You’re a horrible mother and you’re raising a spoiled brat!”

She went on for several minutes with my miserable (still in the dark about his mother) husband chiming in. I let them go on ticking me off and making [Neighbor] noticeably uncomfortable.

A few minutes after the b****-fest ended, I casually offered [Neighbor] some broccoli, knowing full well he would politely turn it down because I know he does not like it. My kids love broccoli, so we always have some at dinner. 

Me: *Calmly* “It’s quite funny, [Neighbor]. When an adult turns down a food they do not like, it is no problem, but if a child, who can be easily bullied, does so, well, we must force them to eat. Perhaps I should take a fork and force you to eat some whether you like it or not. I mean, we wouldn’t want you to be a spoiled brat or anything.”

[Mother-In-Law] turned red. [Husband] stopped eating and looked at me with shock. (He realized he had screwed up and was so going to get it later. He did and never did that again.) I just kept on eating and smiling. [Neighbor] had a wide grin on his face and I found out later that he was sure to let all the neighbors know that I had put [Mother-In-Law] in her place. [Mother-In-Law] has a reputation in our neighborhood of being a nutcase; she just doesn’t know it.

Funny, [Mother-In-Law] didn’t talk the rest of the night and never asked us to have him over again. Wonder why?

Related:
The Preemie Clothes Are A Lie
The Room For Rent Is A Lie
The Cake Price Is A Lie

This Meet-The-Parents Is Circling The Drain

, , , , , , , | Related | January 5, 2022

The first time I met my in-laws, when my husband and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, I was nervous about making a good first impression. Introductions went well, and we seemed to get along fine.

As one does, I eventually excused myself to use their restroom. Having used the last bit of toilet paper on the roll, I got a new roll from under the sink and proceeded to switch it out with the empty one.

You know how a lot of toilet paper roll holders have springs inside them? Well, that was the day I learned that if a holder’s spring is taut, it can “jump” out of your hand in such a way as to shoot directly down the drain of the toilet bowl. 

It disappeared completely.

Now, imagine: you’re already sure the people who have graciously welcomed you into their home are going to be your in-laws one day. They’re going to be in your life for a long time. You’ve known them for about an hour. And you’ve just sent their toilet paper roll holder down the toilet. 

After admitting to myself it wasn’t a bizarre dream, I had to go back out to the front room and try to explain what had happened. They were as confused as I was; even after borrowing a neighbor’s plumbing snake, the holder was nowhere to be found.

It’s been close to twenty years since that happened, and I still make sure toilet bowl lids are completely closed before switching toilet paper rolls. I’m sure the odds of it ever happening again are close to nothing, but the odds of it happening once had to have been incredibly low, too!

Sister-In-LEAVE

, , , , , | Related | January 1, 2022

My wife’s sister is staying with us while she is going through a difficult divorce. It’s been quite a few weeks now, and to be honest, I’m looking forward to getting our home back to ourselves.

She’s been “helping” out around the house as she can’t afford to pay her way with the bills, or so she claims. Her “help” is well-intentioned, but she does things the way she wants to, which is annoying.

For example, she is kind enough to make coffee in the morning, but she always adds milk to it, even though I’ve mentioned several times that I take mine black. She “can’t use” our fabric softener and insists we use hers, and then she acts like she is doing us this massive favour. Generally, everything she does, she has to do her way. Things get tidied up in the wrong places, meals made with ingredients we don’t like, etc.

After months of patience, even my wife is fed up with her. 

Sister-In-Law: “Well, it’s been fun and I know you’ll miss me. But I think I’m going to move out.”

Wife: “Oh, wow. I’m happy for you! Are you going to be staying with a friend?”

Sister-In-Law: “No, silly. I found a flat in [Expensive Area].”

Me: “Oh, wow. You must have been lucky to find anything affordable there.”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, it’s great. Let me show you the pictures!”

She scrolled through her phone showing us pictures of a very nice flat. We knew she hadn’t had any money yet from the divorce, so she must have been pretending to be broke and keeping the money to herself. The deposit alone would have been thousands.

And her leaving gift to us? The half-empty bottle of fabric softener and her weird ingredients.  

I dropped her and her stuff off at her new flat, to no thanks or anything. But having her out of our hair was probably enough.

Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

, , , , | Related | December 30, 2021

My husband and I temporarily lived with his parents for a few months while we waited to be able to move into our new place. We did pay them rent, and I helped with cleaning and cooking while my husband helped with projects around their house. A majority of our belongings were in storage. 

Father-In-Law: “Hey, do you still have that fancy blender you got for a wedding present?”

Me: “Yes, why?”

Father-In-Law: “I have a coworker who needs a blender, and since you’re not using it, I told him he could have it.”

Me: “Why did you do that? We’re not currently using it because it’s in the storage unit, but we will be using it once we move to the new place.”

Father-In-Law: “You’re not using it now, so you have no need for it anymore.”

Me: “We will be using it eventually. We’re not giving it away.”

Father-In-Law: “But I told him he could have it.”

Me: “Are you going to buy us a new one if we give ours away?”

Father-In-Law: “No.”

Me: “Well then, you’re going to have to untell him, because it wasn’t yours to give away.”

He later brought it up to my husband and my husband had the same response. He was ticked at us and ended up giving his coworker one of the blenders they owned, but he told us how we had embarrassed him when he had to give his coworker a lower-end blender. They tried a few more times to get us to give away our things to someone they knew. When we refused, they told us we were ungrateful. We were very happy once we were able to move out.