Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

No Means No, Even When You’re Three

, , , | Related | January 8, 2023

My husband and I are teaching our three-year-old about consent and not having to express affection with others if she doesn’t want to. We are visiting my in-laws and my daughter is busy playing. 

Mother-In-Law: “[Daughter], come give me a hug.”

Daughter: “Not right now.”

Mother-In-Law: “Awww, please?”

Daughter: “No, but we can do a high-five!”

Mother-In-Law: *Pouting* “I’ll cry if you don’t give me a hug. You don’t want Grandma to be sad, do you?”

Before my husband or I can say anything: 

Daughter: “That’s okay. You can be sad.”

[Mother-In-Law]’s face was priceless. I had to resist cackling but was pretty proud of our kiddo.

Afterward, we did have a conversation with [Mother-In-Law] about respecting boundaries and not trying to guilt our daughter. She did get on board quickly when we suggested that if she couldn’t agree, visits would stop.

So Much For Nepotism

, , , , , | Working | January 5, 2023

My sister-in-law is nineteen and looking for her first job. She knows that a company I used to work for is hiring an administrative assistant, which was my job, so she stops by with her mother.

Sister: “What do you have to do?”

Me: “Payroll, timesheets, communicate with vendors, and order supplies. Sometimes you have to play mediator for issues.”

Mother: “That’s easy.”

Me: “The work itself isn’t hard, but it can be a lot. How are your computer skills?”

Sister: “Like Facebook?”

Me: “No, [Company] definitely does not want you on Facebook while you’re at work. How about typing, email communication, and notations for meetings?”

Sister: “Can someone else do that?”

Me: “No… that’s part of the job.”

Mother: “I’m sure someone else can take care of that. Just talk to [Manager] and tell him that [Sister] is good at it, and we’ll figure it out.”

Me: “Um… no? I’m not going to lie. That won’t look good for either of us.”

Mother: *Heavy sigh* “Look. She needs a job.”

Me: “Pretty much every fast food restaurant is hiring. It’s not a bad place to start.”

Mother: “Absolutely not.”

Sister: “I’m not doing food service. I can do your job; you just have to get me in.”

Me: “I can give you a reference, but I’m not going to say you’re more qualified than I know you are.”

Mother: “[My Name] you are impossible!

Me: *Shrug* “Don’t list me if you don’t want me to be honest.”

[Sister] applied and listed me as a reference. I was honest about her skill level but added that I believed she could learn if someone took the time to work with her.

She was not hired, which was clearly my fault.

A Fox, A Chicken, And A Sack Of Grain

, , , , , , | Working | December 28, 2022

I work from home. My husband is a forester and works for his oldest brother. One day, he calls me on his way home from work in the next town over.

Husband: “[Brother-In-Law] wants to pick up a pizza from [Local Pizza Place] to take to Grandma’s house, and I agreed to pay for it, but I can’t get the phone number on their website to work. Could you put the order in online?”

The order is simple — one medium combination pizza — so I quickly pull up [Pizza Place]’s website and place the order for pick-up through [Third-Party Ordering Service].

Me: “Okay, it’s under my name, it’s paid for, and it should be ready in about forty minutes.”

Husband: “Okay, thank you! By the way, do you want to just order our usual from [Pizza Place] on [Delivery App]?”

Me: “That does sound good! And theoretically…” *checks the app* “…it should get here just after you do!”

We hang up, and I order our usual — one extra-large Hawaiian and one medium pepperoni special — using [Delivery App].

About thirty minutes later, my husband comes home. We chat about our days, and after a bit, we’re interrupted by [Brother-In-Law] calling [Husband]. He’s at [Pizza Place], and the employees there are confused by the two separate orders under my name. I clarify the different services I ordered through and quickly shoot [Brother-In-Law] a text with the order number for his pizza, he hangs up, and we think that should be the end of it.

About a minute later, I get a notification that the driver for [Delivery App] has picked up my order and is on her way to my house. A minute after that, [Brother-In-Law] calls [Husband] again. As he listens, [Husband] face-palms, laughs, and apologizes several times.

At one point, I hear him say:

Husband: “So, are you coming over here, then, or are you just going to order a new one?”

I can see where this is going. They hang up.

Me: “So… they sent all three pizzas with the [Delivery App] driver and [Brother-In-Law] is going to meet her here?”

Husband: “Yup!”

We share a laugh and then start to get out paper plates and napkins and such.

Now, MY phone rings, and I look down at the caller ID.

Me: “Oh, boy. Now [Pizza Place] is calling me.”

I answer, and it’s the owner. (My husband and I went to high school with him, but as I’ve since married and changed my name, I’m not sure he knows who he’s talking to.)

Owner: “Hi, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Owner: “Hi. This is [Owner] at [Pizza Place]. Your brother was just here picking up a pizza, and we had some confusion with the two separate orders, and I think we told him the [Delivery App] driver had taken his pizza, but… we just found it. We thought it had already gone out, but we had two medium combinations, and one of those went out with a [Delivery App] driver. Your brother’s pizza is sitting here on top of the oven keeping warm. I think you’ll need to call him and let him know it’s here.”

The owner then begins showering me with apologies and explaining how the mix-up occurred. I’m doing a terrible job at holding in the giggles. [Husband] comes over, a case of the giggles threatening to overwhelm him, too.

Husband: “Do I need to call [Brother-In-Law] and send him back?”

I just nodded helplessly, feeling my face turn red as I tried not to die of laughter.

After assuring [Owner] that it was totally okay — and apologizing myself for not realizing the confusion the two separate orders could cause — I hung up the phone. [Husband] completed his final call to his brother at the same time, and we collapsed into gales of laughter together.

Then, we went to the kitchen window to watch for our [Delivery App] driver; we were curious whether the second medium combination pizza had been swept up with our two pizzas.

It hadn’t, so we can only assume all FOUR pizzas got to where they needed to go!

That’s What We Thought “Watching A Movie” Was Code For

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 16, 2022

My husband and I, along with two of his siblings, all get married within a six-month timeframe. A family friend on their side gifts each couple with a weekend marriage retreat. We each go on a separate weekend, and we are now chatting about our time at a family dinner.

Sister-In-Law: “[Husband] and I had dinner at [Restaurant] and then watched [TV Show] at the hotel. What about you guys?”

Brother-In-Law: “[Wife] and I went to [Restaurant] and watched a movie back at the hotel.”

Me: “We went to [Restaurant] for dinner and then window-shopped around the town. Just enjoyed each other’s company.”

Sister-In-Law: “Did you guys watch anything?”

My Husband: “I don’t think we turned on the TV at all while we were there.”

Sister-In-Law: “Really? So, what did you do during the breaks between [Retreat] sessions?”

My Husband: “Err, what do you think a newlywed couple would be doing during their time alone?”

She turned a few shades of red.

As If The Kid Gives One Single Baby Poop What Color He Wears

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: Character-Ad-6728 | December 5, 2022

In November of last year, I gave birth to our first baby. It’s the first in my family and the sixth in my husband’s family. All six kids are boys, and my mother-in-law has got some sick baby girl rabies.

From the moment we made the announcement, [Mother-In-Law] convinced herself that I was pregnant with a girl.

Me: “[Mother-In-Law], as soon as we know the baby’s gender, you will be the first one to know.”

We told her it was a boy; she still was convinced it was a girl. She told the whole side of the family it was a girl. I corrected her, but she told them I was just annoyed because I wanted a boy first. I wanted a healthy baby; I didn’t give a d*** about the sex. She also told them we were naming the girl after her mom, which we would never do because my husband hates his grandma.

When the baby shower gifts started to come, I noticed a lot of things that weren’t on the registry, and embroidered things with [Grandma]’s name. And it didn’t matter that we’d told them the baby’s gender and name and made clear that we were not lying about the gender. Everyone believed [Mother-In-Law].

Well, the baby was born. And imagine the surprise… It was a boy, just LIKE WE HAD BEEN TELLING EVERYONE. The problem (for them) was that now the baby had plenty of “girly” clothes, pink onesies, etc., and we dressed our baby with them, especially for video calls with [Husband]’s family and for pictures for them.

After one Saturday call, [Mother-In-Law] called us to scream at us.

Mother-In-Law: “You’re making the elders uncomfortable, not sticking to a masculine color scheme with the baby clothes! You need to stop this childishness. I just thought your belly shape was more like a girl than a boy.”

Me: “We are not changing [Baby]’s clothes. Just wait until the dresses fit; he will look adorable.