Can’t Make Up Over This Make Up

, , , , , , , , , | Related | August 15, 2018

(My boyfriend’s mother insists that we organize an engagement party, where we have to follow the traditions of his family — not mine — and there are tons of rules to follow. She insists this due to the pressure of other relatives of hers, which I never liked, since their reasoning is that we have dated for so long, we should get engaged. It is quite a disaster! Even though his grandmother tells us she is going to help pay for the photographers, she later claims it’s too expensive and only pays 30%! And when it comes to decoration, we have a hard time choosing it, as the relatives have lots of opinions, even though the party should be about my boyfriend and me, not about them. One of my boyfriend’s aunts does bridal makeup. When we ask for a makeup trial to see the colors, and ask for the price, it is very unreasonably high. She also uses the very same makeup brushes for all her clients without washing them after using! We find another bridal makeup artist who is willing to give much better prices, and does the makeup and hair so much better than that aunt. On the day of the engagement, his grandmother keeps rushing us to finish changing my dress — after the first prayer, I have to change my saree into another saree which is the official engagement one — and that stupid aunt and her son take all the chocolates that are offered to the groom’s family. My boyfriend sister is really mad at this matter:)

Sister: “That is the offering from the bride’s family to the groom’s. This should be shared to the groom’s first before being further shared to the relatives.

Aunt: “I’m part of the groom’s family; why can’t I take anything? Not to mention that you guys owe me the money for doing your makeup!”

Sister: “What? You said that was just a free trial. You have done this business for many years; of course you need to understand there are times where you might not get any business deals.”

Aunt: “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PAYING THE RIGHTFUL MONEY TO ME!”

(This is not the first time she did something like this. Previously, another relative was really unsatisfied with the bridal makeup she did, so she asked for a discount as she thought it totally ruined her big day. Not only did she not apologize or do anything of the sort, she kept insisting that she was not in the wrong, and even asked her to pay more than the amount they agreed on prior! To this day, I don’t talk to that aunt and her rude son, who is as rude as she is.)

Life… Finds A Way

, , , , , , | Related | August 13, 2018

(I am over at my in-laws with my husband. My sister-in-law and her kids are there. We’ve just had dinner, and to keep the kids occupied, we are watching the latest “Jurassic Park” film. As my father-in-law gets the DVD player sorted, we start talking about how we can’t believe how long ago the original film came out, and how old it makes us feel.)

Me: “I remember going to see it the day it came out, on the first showing of the day.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, yes, we did, too. [Son] pestered me for weeks to take him and dragged me all the way there, he was so excited.”

Me: “It was a bit of a disaster for me, though. The kid in front of us at the concession stand took the last bag of Maltesers, and then we ended up sitting next to him and his mum. The kid would not shut up through the movie, kept asking his mum over and over when they were going to see the T-Rex, and then when it finally came on screen, the kid shrieked and tried to hide under the seat, chucking his drink, sweets, and popcorn all over us. His mum had to take him out as he was bawling his eyes out, so we ended up missing most of the first half of the film and ended up going to see it again the following week.”

(The mother-in-law and her family, including my husband, are suddenly stunned, staring at me. The mother-in-law then smiles.)

Mother-In-Law: “Well, you couldn’t have been that mad at the boy. You ended up marrying him.”

(The mother-in-law then explained that my husband was the boy in the cinema; the story I told is EXACTLY what happened when she took my husband to see the movie. They went on exactly the same day, at the same time, to the same cinema. My husband and I had always known that when we were little we had lived just outside London in towns next door to one another, but we didn’t go to the same schools. It was an amazing coincidence that we joke about to this day. Now, every year on our anniversary my husband buys me the biggest box of Maltesers he can find, and I buy him a toy T-Rex.)

Hot Dog Means Sick Dog

, , , , , | Related | August 7, 2018

(My mother-in-law rules her roost, which is fine. Her house, her rules. However, she rarely listens to the rules set in other households, as she believes she knows best. My husband has invited his family over for a BBQ. My dog has a very sensitive stomach and is on prescription food to avoid any digestive issues.)

Mother-In-Law: “Where is [Dog]?”

Me: “Inside.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, bring her outside.”

Me: “She begs for scraps and then gets sick.”

Mother-In-Law: “But she’s probably hungry, smelling all this food.”

Me: “She has food and water right now. She doesn’t get people food because it encourages begging and, as I just said, she always gets sick.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, one little burger won’t hurt.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it will. Please leave her alone.”

Mother-In-Law: *rolls her eyes but says nothing*

(Not long after this exchange, I see my dog wandering the yard, trying to snitch food from abandoned plates.)

Me: “How did [Dog] get out?”

Mother-In-Law: “She was hungry!”

Me: “I gave her food!”

Mother-In-Law: “Well, she obviously didn’t like it. Look: she wants hot dogs!”

(She tosses a fully loaded hot dog to my dog, who scarfs it down and comes over for more.)

Me: “[Mother-In-Law], I’m serious. Do not feed [Dog], or you will not be welcome back here for a long time.”

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t talk to me like that! [My Husband], is your wife always so disrespectful?”

Me: “Respect my rules and I’ll respect you.”

Mother-In-Law: “You’ll respect me because I am your mother-in-law.”

Me: “Do not feed my dog.”

Mother-In-Law: “She’s starving!”

Husband: “She is not, Mom. We don’t want her having people food. She has a sensitive stomach. You know this.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, it’s fine. Don’t be so uptight.”

(I took my dog back inside… where she threw up. Luckily, it wasn’t on the carpet so it was easy enough to clean up. I told my mother-in-law that she should clean it up, as she was the one who fed the dog. She refused and insisted it was something I did. She has not been invited to any other functions at our house since, and she’s quite snippy with me when we do see each other.)


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What A Cents-less Waste Of Time

, , , , , | Related | July 24, 2018

(My husband used to work in a shop getting $10 an hour, and quit because of few hours and low pay. The next day, he found a better shop, getting $13 per hour for the same job. My sister-in-law just got married, and her husband is struggling to get a job, so he goes where my husband was working and gets paid even less. We don’t want to make them feel bad, so we say nothing about the new job. One day I go with my sister-in-law to pick up her kid from school, and on the way back this exchange happens:)

Sister-In-Law: “So, where is my brother working now?”

Me: “In a shop at [40 minutes away from his previous job, and 30 minutes away from home].”

Sister-In-Law: “But why so far?!”

Me: “Well, he says he likes it better there, and he gets paid more.”

Sister-In-Law: *as if she is about to teach me simple math* “Is it worth it? I mean, how much more is he getting?”

(I hate her attitude but I don’t want to make it look like I am showing off in her face.)

Me: “Just a couple dollars more.”

Sister-In-Law: *talking as if I am an idiot* “Well, that’s stupid! All the extra money he thinks he makes gets wasted on gas! He is not getting more money; he just drives all the way there for nothing…” *and goes on for around five minutes on how stupid we are*

Me: *trying to sound a bit annoyed just to make her stop* “I don’t care. I mean, he is happy there, so I’ll just let him be there. You can talk to him whenever he comes back.”

(Silence goes for a couple minutes, and then I notice she just drove past her home.)

Me: “Where are we going?”

Sister-In-Law: “I am going to get gas.”

(There are more than four gas stations between the school and her house.)

Me: “Why didn’t you stop before? You forgot?”

Sister-In-Law: “No. It is just that here is cheaper than in the others.”

(She stopped five minutes away from her home to save four or five cents. She was driving a van around the city; my husband drives a little Toyota on the interstate.)

That’s Some Truly Wonderful Bulls***

, , , , , , | Friendly | July 15, 2018

My husband’s sister was going to be nearby on business, so my husband and I decided we would drive to the city where she was staying to take her out for dinner. About 15 minutes before we arrived, I told my husband this rather long story about two women who bump into each other after not seeing each other for a few years.

The first woman was telling the second all the (rather unbelievable) things that had been happening in her life and after each one, the second woman would say, “Wow! That’s wonderful!” When the first woman finally asked the second what she had been doing lately, the second replied that she’d been going to charm school. “Oh, really? What do they teach you in charm school?” “They teach us to say, ‘Wow! That’s wonderful!’ instead of, ‘Bulls***.’”

Hubby chuckled at the joke and that was the end of it, or so he thought.

We were sitting there enjoying a meal and listening to my sister-in-law go on and on about her wonderful son — think the male version of the Princess Ballerina Astronaut. When she finally slowed down enough to draw breath, I commented, “Wow! That’s wonderful!”

Poor hubby snorted milk out his nose halfway across the restaurant.

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