Only Partly Thought This Through

, , , , , | Related | June 19, 2018

(My husband and I are discussing his father’s plans for an upcoming vacation. I am curious about how it will affect his job, as he has been employed for less than a year.)

Me: “How long is your dad going to be gone?”

Husband: “He says a few weeks.”

Me: “Is he going to quit his job, then?”

Husband: “Nope. I asked him if he had any vacation time, and he said that because he’s part-time, he can take as much time off as he wants.”

Me: “And he thinks he’ll still have a job when he gets back?!”

Husband: “Yeah.”

Me: “Can I live in your dad’s world?”

In-Law Practices Out-Law Medicine

, , , , , | Healthy | June 13, 2018

(My sister is a recent medicine graduate, and is now a doctor. My mother-in-law finds out that she’s practicing.)

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, your sister is practicing now? So ,that means she writes prescriptions?”

Me: “Well, yeah, I would think she does?”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, you have to get her to write me a prescription for this ADHD medication that makes you lose weight like crazy!”

Me: “Well, you’re welcome to go and see her and ask for it, but I don’t think she’ll give it to you. Why would you want it, anyway?”

Mother-In-Law: “I want to lose a few kilos before summer this year.”

Me: “Well… No. I think that medication is for people whose weight is putting their health in danger.”

Mother-In-Law: “Can’t you just get her to write me one? I don’t want to go and see her.”

Me: “Um… No, I think that’s illegal.”

Mother-In-Law: “Well, then, can you get me a prescription for Xanax? I’m super stressed.”

Me: “No.”

Getting Farther And Father From Their Plan

, , , , , , , | Related | May 28, 2018

(Father’s Day is approaching.)

Husband’s Sister: “Okay, this is what I’ve planned for Dad for Father’s Day. I need you to get to my house early so that we can set stuff up for the barbeque that we’ll have later in the day.”

Husband: “Um, wait a sec. I’m glad to help set stuff up, but I can’t be there until after 1:00 or so.”

Sister: “Why not?”

Husband: “I have plans.”

Sister: “What? What plans? What plans could you possibly have on Father’s Day?”

Husband: “[Wife] and [Daughters] are taking me out for brunch.”

Sister: “Oh. I guess you’re a father, too, huh?”

Husband: “Yup. Have been for the last several years, actually.”

(The kicker is that she’s married with kids – and yet, she seemed to have completely forgotten about doing anything for her husband that day, too.)

Married To Herself

, , , , | Related | May 12, 2018

(One of my best friends is marrying a man who has little contact with his mother. I’ve heard stories about how much of a narcissist she is, but the first time I meet her is at the wedding shower. Part way through, she stands up and says she has an announcement, pulling out a small box.)

Mother-In-Law: “These are the pearl earrings that my great-great-grandmother wore on her wedding day. She made sure all of her daughters and her sons’ wives wore them when she was married. Her daughters made sure their daughters and daughters-in-law wore these, and they were passed on to me after my mother’s death. Twelve brides have all worn these on their wedding day over the past century, and I’ve decided: On my son’s wedding day, I will wear these earrings.”

(She was upset when we all laughed afterwards, and joked about how selfish it was. I hope the best for my friend; she seems like she’s in for a crazy ride!)

The Gift Of Leaving

, , , , , , | Related | May 10, 2018

(My mother-in-law is a difficult woman.)

Mother-In-Law: “We never see you anymore!”

Husband: “Well, Mum, I have Christmas presents for you and Dad; would it be okay if I stopped by later this week to drop them off? Then we can have a visit.”

Mother-In-Law: “That’ll be fine. What time?”

Husband: “How about Wednesday after work? I’ll be there around 6:30.”

Mother-In-Law: “Sounds good; see you then.”

(I don’t assume that they’ll give him dinner, but I figure that since he’ll be there for a while, they might offer a cup of tea and a cookie. Therefore, I am surprised when he is home by 7:30.)

Me: “You’re home early!”

Husband: “Yup. Is there any dinner left? I’m starving.”

Me: “Didn’t they offer you anything?”

Husband: *laughing ruefully* “Well, as soon as I arrived, Mum said, ‘Our friends are here to play cards, so you can’t stay. Just put the presents over there. Bye.’ And that was that. I didn’t even get a chance to take my coat off.”

(And she wonders why we don’t visit more often.)

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