They’ve Been After The Castle This Whole Time

, , , , , , | Right | August 9, 2020

I work at a hotel in a theme park and we’re are almost booked solid for the entire year. A guest comes back from the parks wet and steaming mad.

Me: “Hello! I see you encountered Florida’s unpredictable weather today.”

Guest: “Are you f****** kidding me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Guest: “We paid over ten grand to come here this year and it has rained every g**-d***ed day!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, Florida is known for very unpredictable weather. Shall I suggest carrying a rain poncho or an umbrella?”

Guest: “That doesn’t f****** help me now, now does it? [Park] is not supposed to have rain! They have a dome they fly over on rainy days! I know this! I’m going to sue them for everything that f****** mouse owns!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is no such thing as a [Park] dome. That is just not possible. Also, I’m going to have to ask you to please refrain from shouting and cursing while in the hotel lobby.”

Guest: “F*** you! And f*** all your [Park] s***! This place should sink into the ground and disappear. I wouldn’t be the least bit unhappy if someone flew a plane into that castle!”

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to either go to your room or please exit my lobby with that kind of language.”

Guest: “Fine! I’ll just go contact the terrorists and send them over here, right after I check out in ten minutes!”

Thirty more minutes passed, and she came down with her luggage, throwing the keys on the desk and walking out the door. Another guest alerted me that she was outside telling guests that the terrorists were running the hotel and that they planned to launch planes into [Park]. We called the police and they came to escort her to jail for a terrorist threat.

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It’s Criminal How Dumb They Think You Are

, , , , , | Legal | August 7, 2020

I’m a till supervisor in a large store of a major UK supermarket chain. It’s around closing time on a Sunday and my colleague calls me over to his till where a couple is having trouble paying.

Colleague: “Their card is not working; is there anything we can do?”

Customer: “It’s probably because the card is bent and the white line is damaged.”

Me: “No, the chip isn’t working; we’re not allowed to swipe your card and I don’t think it would work anyway since your card is damaged. Sorry.”

Customer: “Oh, okay, we’ll leave it, then.”

The customers start to walk off, leaving their shopping trolley behind.

Colleague: *To me* “Hey, that bag they’ve got; they haven’t paid for anything that’s inside it!”

Me: “You’re sure?”

It’s a large store so the exit is kind of far. I start following and I call the security guard on one of the store mobile phones I carry. I can see him.

Me: “Yeah, the couple coming down now with the [Other Supermarkets] bag haven’t paid for whatever is in that bag.”

Two guards stop them as I get closer and grab the bag. The customers — who I should probably call shoplifters at this point — start to struggle.

Customer #2: “We’ve paid for that!”

Customer #1: “This is a violation of our rights!”

The security guard started pulling meat out of the bag under a coat. Once they saw me, they gave up saying they paid and just took their coat out of the bag and quickly left. It’s likely that they knew the card wouldn’t work and had zero intention of paying. The guard told them not to come back.

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Literally Choosing His Poison

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I deliver chemical supplies. An old man glances into my van as I’m unloading on the street.

Old Man: “You’ve got poison in there.”

Me: “Some of our products are, yes.”

Old Man: “Can you give me some? I’ve got some people who I want to put it in their food.”

Me: “Give me your name and I’ll make sure no one takes an order from you.”

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316

Shoo, Shoe Thief!

, , , , , | Legal | July 30, 2020

A friend who works at an Australian chain store that sells cheap clothing, books, toys, homewares, etc., told me this story.

Their particular store is in a rougher area of town and stays open late and thus is subject to frequent shoplifting. One night, a man comes in wearing a dirty, older pair of boots and walks out again wearing a shiny, new pair.

Spotting the ol’ switcheroo scam, my friend and the security guard confront the man and walk him back to the shelves to make him change back into his old boots.

They open the shoebox where he’d hidden them, only to find the security tag still on the old pair of boots because he’d stolen them, too!

I’m led to believe that the man had a discussion with police later on that night!

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316

Like Stealing Candy Back From A Baby

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2020

A woman and two little boys come to the counter and I begin to ring them out. I’m making casual chit-chat with the woman when she looks down and gasps.

Customer: “No! Put that back!”

I see her take candy out of the youngest boy’s pocket and put it back on the shelf.

Customer: “Sorry, he’s a little thief, and he’s so sneaky about it you don’t usually notice until it’s too late.”

I laugh and look at the boy, who must be about three years old. He looks at me very seriously and I stop laughing. The woman pushes him back so he isn’t so close to the counter and we continue the transaction.

I watch the boy out of the corner of my eye and he, little by little, gets closer to the counter again. Once again, the woman catches him red-handed and takes the things from his pockets and apologizes. I can’t help but laugh as this is oddly adorable, especially since the boy is so serious in attitude.

She leaves after I ring her out and I start to tell my coworker what happened when the woman rushes back in the store. Flustered, she sets two lollipops on the counter. 

Customer: “He almost made off with these.”

Me: “Thank you for bringing them back!”

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