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One Too Many Dollaritas, Buddy?

, , , , , , , | Legal | March 22, 2023

I’m a manager at a corporate chain restaurant. My bartender alerts me that there’s a guest acting weird at the bar, so I head out there to make my presence known.

The guy is sitting at the end of the bar. He’s listening to music through headphones and doing some kind of strange dance with his arms. Okay, that’s weird, but it’s generally non-threatening, so I let him be. I continue to stay on the floor to monitor the situation.

Not five minutes later, I see the guy get up and move to the other side of the bar where a mother and her adult daughter are sitting. From where I’m standing, I can’t hear what he’s saying, but they look visibly uncomfortable, so I step in.

Me: “Sir, please stop bothering the other guests.”

The dude FLIPS OUT. He starts screaming at me.

Guy: “I’m just talking! I’m not bothering them! You should mind your own business!”

Me: “Sir, I need you to leave or I’ll be forced to call the cops.”

Guy: “The cops don’t scare me! I’ll kill everyone in the restaurant!”

Well, those were the magic words. I called the police right in front of this guy, hoping he’d just leave rather than deal with the cops.

No such luck.

He was still screaming when the cop walked in behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. This five-foot-tall man turned around to face a six-foot police officer who looked like he does MMA on his days off. I have never seen someone back down so quickly.

The cop escorted the guy outside and trespassed him from the property. The mom that was being harassed called my general manager the next day to thank us for protecting them.

No ID, No Idea: The Karmic Chronicles

, , , , , | Right | March 21, 2023

My friend is a pediatric oncologist. In order to protect his patients as best as he possibly can, he has been wearing a mask whenever he goes out, even when it has stopped being recommended and advised.

He, another friend, and I stop by a liquor store one evening. He is the first one to check out, while the other friend and I are still looking around.

He gets to the counter, hands over his ID, and briefly lowers his mask so that the cashier can confirm it is his. All good, he pays for his stuff and steps to the side to wait for us.

This is when, suddenly, a RANDOM CUSTOMER appears.

Random Customer: *To the cashier* “You’re kidding. It’s obvious his ID is fake.”

Cashier: “Your total is $29.45. Cash or card?”

Random Customer: “Nobody’s wearing a mask anymore. Don’t you think it’s suspicious he just happens to wear one to the liquor store?”

Cashier: *Clearly not having it* “Cash or card?”

Random Customer: “You don’t think it’s suspicious that he doesn’t want you to see his face?”

Cashier: “Sir, I need to check the people behind you out. Cash or card?

Random Customer: “You’re not going to do anything about him?”

Cashier: “Sir, he showed me his face. It looks like his ID. Please finish your purchase so I can check other people out.”

The random customer acts all huffy and begins to get his card out. Suddenly, a manager steps over from the side.

Manager: “Sir, may I see your ID?”

Random Customer: “What? I’m clearly over thirty.”

Manager: “Store policy is to card anyone who looks under fifty-five. May I see your ID?”

Random Customer: “…”

The manager takes his purchase and puts it behind the counter.

Manager: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell to you without a valid ID. We don’t close for another two hours if you’d like to come back with one.”

Random Customer: “…”

Manager: *Motions to the man behind the random customer* “I can take you up here, sir.”

The random customer finally moves and heads to the door, pulls out his phone, and DIALS 911!

Now, my other friend and I are totally invested in this, so we take our time browsing the aisles and “discussing” bottles we’re totally not interested in.

In enters Mr. Policeman!

Mr. Policeman heads over to get the story from both the random customer and the manager. After a moment, he approaches my friend and asks for his ID. He provides it and briefly lowers his mask so that Mr. Policeman can confirm his identity. Mr. Policeman also looks like he’s so over it.

Manager: “We’d prefer if he—” *points to the random customer* “—didn’t return to this location.”

Random Customer: *Flips out* “F*** you. F*** all of you. F*** all of your f****** mothers!”

Mr. Policeman ended up escorting him out. Business as normal resumed in the store. We all bought our booze and the three of us headed outside, where the random customer was arguing over a citation from Mr. Policeman for driving without a valid license.

No ID, No Idea, Part 50
No ID, No Idea, Part 49
No ID, No Idea, Part 48
No ID, No Idea, Part 47
No ID, No Idea, Part 46

Why… Why Would You Tell Us That?

, , , | Legal | March 19, 2023

I’m a manager. An associate came up to me and discreetly gestured to a customer.

Associate: “Heeeey, that guy just… told me he was stealing? He was in here earlier, and he just told me he took some stuff.”

We watched for a few minutes and saw him stuff some more items into his coat. There happened to be a cop car hanging out in our parking lot (as they sometimes do at night) so I went out to let them know.

Cop: “Yeah, we’ve already had reports about him. Do you want to press charges?”

Me: “I’m sure the company does.”

The customer came out and got on a bike, and the cops drove after him.

They came back a bit later to return our product, and when they dumped the bags out, there was a bunch of stuff that wasn’t even ours. I guess we weren’t the first store he’d hit that night.

Car-ma Turns To Karma

, , , , | Legal | March 16, 2023

I work at my local police department. A man had his car towed after leaving it in a No Parking zone.

He came into the police station having a fit.

Man: “You had no right to tow my car! I know the Chief, and I’m friends with the mayor! I’m going to have you all fired! I’m going to sue this department! In fact, I’m going to sue the whole city!”

And so on.

He was making such a racket that an officer who was dropping off paperwork came out to see what was going on. He immediately recognized the man — who he knew had a warrant for his arrest. Instead of getting his car back, the guy got an all-expense paid weekend at the lovely county bed and breakfast — aka jail.

I love Karma.

Criminality Versus Entitlement

, , , , , | Right | March 16, 2023

I was a front desk manager at my hotel. To make a very long story short, some guests were caught using fraudulent credit cards — among other things, apparently, though the cards were what I knew about for sure — and were intercepted trying to leave the hotel by police. (It was a LOT of stolen cards.)

I was relieved to see them go, as they had been a pain in my rear because we wouldn’t allow them to order from the restaurant when their card was declined, and they claimed we were discriminating against them for being a same-sex couple. (Half of the front desk staff was part of the LGBT+ community.) It was a whole production getting them finally caught, but the most ridiculous part to me was the woman who stormed up to the desk as the men were being questioned outside.

Guest: *In the most offended tone you can imagine* “Ex-cuse me! Could someone explain to me why there are people getting arrested outside this hotel?”

I was already fried from dealing with the couple so, admittedly, my response was somewhat less than tactful.

Me: “…I’m sorry, ma’am, would you prefer they hadn’t been caught?”

Luckily, she just huffed and stomped off, apparently not having a response to that. Sorry, people, there’s no criminal repellent we can spray to keep every single shady guest away. We can only do something about them once they’re here!

Bonus post-script: the couple that was arrested had the gall to post a negative review online, in which they claimed that the hotel had called the police on them with absolutely no evidence and that they had been released without charges because they had done nothing wrong. (We didn’t even call the police; the owner of one of the stolen cards did.)

The next day, there was a news spot aired about how the couple had, in fact, been charged with a rather extensive list of crimes.