These Boots Were Made For Killing…

, , , , , | Legal | August 18, 2018

(I work in retail. Normally, I’m a cashier, but on this particular day my managers have assigned me to work the sales floor. The day starts off normally, and when it slows down, I make my way up to the front register to take a break. The head cashier sees me as I’m walking up, and I notice she looks slightly panicked.)

Coworker: *excited* “There are two city homicide detectives here.”

Me: “What?!”

Coworker: “Yeah, they’re in the manager’s office right now. They took a box of [Expensive Brand] boots in with them.”

Me: “Why?”

(One of my managers walks over and joins in on our conversation.)

Manager: “They found something.”

(My manager then told me that a week earlier, a family had entered our store and stolen a pair of high-priced fashion boots. They had taken off their old, worn boots, slipped on the new ones, and then put the old ones in the shoebox and left it on the shelf. Unfortunately, the old boots had bloodstains on them that had come from the victim of a homicide. The police had managed to track down the family, and one of them must have admitted to leaving the evidence shoes at our store. Those bloody boots had somehow managed to stay on our shelves, in the box, for nearly a week without anyone noticing. Even creepier, our store had surveillance footage of two other employees — and me — serving that family on the day of the theft, not knowing that we were talking to people who probably had intimate knowledge of a murder. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well that night.)

Will Not Give Them Credit For Trying

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2018

(I’m a manager at a discount store. Every couple of months our store has a “sidewalk sale” where we mark all of our clearance items down to $1 and put them outside. I am currently outside at the sale, training an associate on what to do. We have just finished ringing up a rather large order totaling around $200. We only have one register outside, and the only thing running to it is power, so we can only accept cash. We have signs on top of every rack, on every post, and taped to the register. The customer hands me a debit card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately we are only able to accept cash.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “We can only accept cash as form of tender.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, since we are outside, we are only able to have power going to the register here. We are not hooked up to our system or anything.”

Customer: *yelling* “What kind of business is this? You will take my card now!”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I have no way of taking your card. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. We do have an ATM right inside if you would like to run in and use that.”

Customer: *still yelling* “No! If you wont take my card, then it is your fault that I can’t pay. These items are mine! I spent an hour looking through all of these racks!”

(The customer then grabbed her bags and took off running. Luckily, loss prevention was right around the corner and took off running after her, tackling her in the process. The customer started hitting our LP guy and trying to bite him. She ended up being arrested for assault.)

Needs A “Change” In Tactics

, , , , | Legal | August 16, 2018

(My supervisor is telling a coworker and me about a high school student who was working in the store one holiday season. My supervisor was on one register, and the  student was on another when a man charged into the store and right up to her register.)

Man: “I want the money.”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Man: “I want you to open the register, and get me the money.”

Coworker: “Sir, I can’t open the register. I’ll need to get a manager to open it.” *she reaches for her radio and calls out, the whole time staring the man right in the eye* “MOD, MOD, there’s a man up at the front who’s demanding money out of the register.”

Manager: *over the radio* “What, like the change was miscounted and he wants it fixed?”

Coworker: *continuing to make eye contact with the man* “Oh, no. He’s trying to rob us.”

(As soon as my coworker oh-so-casually mentioned he was attempting to rob them, he ran out of the store as fast as he could. My supervisor was laughing too hard at the story to tell us if he was arrested or not for the haphazard robbery attempt.)

They Will Be Tried As Adults

, , , | Legal | August 13, 2018

A friend owned two adult shops in the same town. One was in a high-end section of town and was set up as a boutique geared towards couples. The other wasn’t in the best part of town and was more of a smut shop. Depending on demand, he would move stock between the stores.

One day, he decided to move some stock from the high-end to the low-end shop. When he got out of his car when he arrived, a bunch of guys stepped out of the shadows, shoved him down, grabbed his bag, and ran away.

The cops later caught up with the guys who apparently thought they were stealing a laptop, but instead found themselves with a large bag full of adult toys!

Delivering You The Criminals

, , , , , | Legal | August 9, 2018

The delivery area for a [National Pizza Chain] store I worked at was rather diverse, with two overlapping gang territories closest to the store, a business district at the northern boundary, middle-class housing to the south, and high-end housing to the west.

One night, I had a delivery to an upper-middle-class development, a house I’d delivered to in the past. But when I got there, all the lights were off inside. I went ahead and got out and knocked anyway, given the location, and the door was opened a few inches by a shabbily-dressed teenager. It was a rather snobbish family that I knew to live there and I doubted this person would be associated with them. A car drove past before he said anything and he ducked behind the door frame as it went by before opening the door far enough to pay and take the pizza. When he did I could hear more hushed voices coming from another dark room.

Once I was back in my car and was driving away, I called the police to report a potential burglary in progress. And it turns out it was. It boggled my mind that someone would order pizza while committing a crime. But, people hide nothing from the delivery driver, so I brushed it off and went on with life expecting that would be the end of it.

However, two weeks later I delivered to the same development, but a different house… and the same teenager in a house I knew wasn’t his. I called the cops again, and again it was indeed a burglary in progress.

While not my favorite delivery story from the three years I spent doing so, it remains one that never fails to leave me shaking my head at the stupidity of some criminals.

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