That Return Is A Pipe Dream

, , , , | Right | June 27, 2017

(I am the assistant manager at a head shop in a non-legal state, so everything we sell is “for tobacco use only.” For obvious reasons, we do not accept ANY returns. We have signs all over our store that state this. A customer came in and insists on trying to return a used water-pipe.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but due to the nature of our products we can’t accept any returns.”

Customer: “That’s not fair! I didn’t know that before I bought this. You should have told me!”

Me: “Sir, we do have signs displaying our policy, and it’s printed in the receipt as well. I’m sorry we can’t help you, but taking back items like this could endanger our business. Is the product defective? We might be able to offer a discount on a different item.”

Customer: “No, but I found a better deal at [Different Head Shop] and I want that one instead. You have to take it back!”

(I get the manager, we go back and forth like this for a minute. Then, what is honestly the craziest thing I’ve ever seen at my job happens.)

Customer: “This is against the law; this is against my rights! I’m going to call the cops on you!”

Manager: *in a total state of disbelief, because the water-pipe had clearly been used for something that is illegal in our state* “Sir, I’m sorry you’re so upset, but we really can’t return this. If you feel the need to call the police, I can’t stop you.”

(The customer proceeded to actually call the police, who arrived in about 20 minutes. We saw him outside talking to the cop, gesturing with the water pipe that was used for illegal purposes. He didn’t end up in trouble but I believe the water pipe was confiscated.)

Driving Himself To Jail

, , , , , | Right | June 17, 2017

(I am in line at the DMV getting my new tags for 2015.)

Customer: “I would like to renew my driver’s license, please.”

Lady: “Sure, just let me see your card.”

(The man hands her his license and she enters some numbers into the computer.)

Lady: “Sir, your license expired in 1998. Have you been driving with it since then?”

Customer: “Wait, they expire? I though you just had to get a new picture! Well, what are you going to do, arrest me?”

(A police officer steps out of line.)

Officer: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I will arrest you for driving without a valid license.”

(The officer arrested the man and took him off to his car and drove away.)

In The Name Of Fraud

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2017

(I work behind the service desk of a grocery store that offers Western Union. For fraud protection, the max amount of money you can send to someone without requiring ID (but must require a test question) is $299.00. For the past few months, a gentleman going by the name Willis would stop in to send money to the same two people every day. He claims that both of those people do not have ID and will send the max amount. After a week of this, I sense something odd going on so I talk to my manager. She waves it off and tells me to keep sending the money. This goes on for a few months until I’m sent to a different store for some training. As I’m closing up the desk at the store I’m training at, I’m sorting through some Western Unions and notice very familiar handwriting along with a very familiar address… The only problem is that the sender is going by the name ‘Thompson.’ The next day I’m back at my old store and Willis/Thompson walks up to send more money.)

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t send money today.”

Customer: “Why not? You had no problem before.”

Me: “Because I can’t tell if you’re Willis today or Thompson. Which is it?”

(The customer hurried out of the store. It’s been three months and I haven’t seen the man return.)

Time To Re-tire-o This Scam

, , , , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(My Spanish teacher swears this happened to her police officer husband. We aren’t sure we believe it, but… A local garage has been broken into, but the only thing missing is a tire. This happens from time to time when somebody has blown a tire but doesn’t have the money to pay for a replacement. So the officer goes cruising around the area and quickly finds two Hispanic men walking by the side of the road, one carrying a tire. He pulls over and comes to speak to them.)

Officer: “Hey there. Is that your tire?”

Man #1: “Uh, it’s his. I’m just walkin’ with him.”

Officer: “Where’d you get the tire?”

Man #1: *quickly* “Oh, he doesn’t speak English! I can… translate?”

Officer: “Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.”

Man #1: *pause* “Where-o get-o el tire-o?”

(Man #2 stares at Man #1 in horror.)

Officer: *also staring* “Where-o… get-o… el tire-o.”

(They both got arrested.)

Getting Just For Desserts

, , , , | Working | June 12, 2017

(It is many years ago, when debit/credit cards are not used nearly as much as nowadays, and nearly all transactions are in cash. My wife and I are on vacation and have stopped between home and our destination for lunch. We have eaten at the buffet, and I am standing in line to check out. I noticed someone, who looks like a manager, running the register when we came in. He is still at the checkout desk, but he is taking the tickets at a small cashbox and making change from it. I think this is a little strange, during the rush hour with about 5-10 people in the checkout line all the time, but figure it is none of my business. After waiting in line for a few minutes, I come to the front.)

Manager: “How was your meal?”

Me: “Fine, thank you.”

Manager: “Great! Your ticket is [amount].”

Me: *handing him a twenty* “Here you go.”

(The manager takes the money, makes my change from the cashbox, and spikes my ticket on a different spike than the one next to the register, but again I’m thinking “Not my problem.”)

Manager: “Here is your change, and come again!”

Me: “Thanks!”

(I move aside so he can serve the next customer. This is a rather un-assuming fortyish man, wearing a suit, and who looks like your average accountant or middle-level manager.)

Manager: “And how was your meal, sir?”

Customer: “Fine!” *hands over cash and ticket*

(The manager makes change from the cash box, spikes ticket on the spike not at the cash register, which has several tickets spiked but nowhere near as many as the one next to the cashbox, and hands the change over to the man:)

Manager: “Here is your change, and thank you. Come again!”

(Customer takes his change, puts it in his wallet, opens his suit jacket and places his wallet in an inner pocket, and pulls out a small leather folder which he opens and shows to the manager:)

Customer: “I’m Agent [Customer] of the Georgia Department of Revenue. I need to speak to whoever is in charge today. Right now, please.”

(I have been watching the entire thing, and I involuntarily start, my jaw falls open, and I get a look on my face which evidently says “Busted!” to whoever is watching. The manager looks at the badge the agent is holding out, and deflates like a balloon. The agent turns to look at me, realizing that I have figured out what is going on, and grins a grin that just screams “Some days I just LOVE my job!” I look at him, grin in return, and do my best to make it out the door before bursting out in laughter.)

Wife: “What was that all about?”

Me: “I’ll explain in the car, but I wonder if he or they were skimming just from paying taxes or from the company as well!”

(My wife just looked at me in puzzlement, and I spent the next several miles of our trip explaining how the restaurant was shutting down the register during the busiest part of the day, doing cash only, and keeping the receipts without paying sales tax, while still charging it to their customers. Either someone reported them, or they just had the bad luck of a revenue agent eating lunch there and catching them red-handed!)

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