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She’s Helping To Make A Point

, , , | Right | January 26, 2023

I work at a restaurant. 

Me: “And what would you like?”

Male Customer: *Points* “That one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Male Customer: “That one! That taco thing!”

Female Customer: “What taco thing, honey? Just say it.”

Male Customer: “That taco thing that I’m pointing at!”

Female Customer: “Just tell us!”

Male Customer: “That one!”

Female Customer: “The grande beef taco?”

Male Customer: “Yes!”

Female Customer: “What was so hard about saying that?!” *Turns to me* “I’m so sorry. He’s an idiot.”

Getting Over The Ditch Is A B****

, , , , , | Working | January 26, 2023

I work for a company in dispatch. It’s not important to the story what sort of vehicles I’m guiding around town, but the process is mostly automated using GPS. I’m just there as backup when a human element is needed.

We have a new driver. I’m watching all of the vehicles on my map when I see [New Driver]’s vehicle take a wrong turn onto the highway. Instead of going south, he’s going north.

I radio in to him.

Me: “[New Driver], you’ve just turned the wrong way. You’re going north, and you should be going south.”

New Driver: “GPS says I’m going the right way.”

Me: “If you look, you can see that it’s asking you to take the next exit and get back on. I’m just giving you a heads-up.”

New Driver: “Awww, s***. I did turn the wrong way. One sec.”

Me: “Don’t do anything stupid, [New Driver]. Don’t you dare ‘one sec’ me. Every time a driver’s told me, ‘one sec,’ they’ve gone on to do something stupid.”

There’s some silence. I watch on the GPS map as his vehicle starts to glitch.

New Driver: “Hey, dispatch, I have a problem.”

Me: “Hello, [New Driver], did you just happen to drive into the ditch between the two directions in an effort to turn around and get stuck in the middle?”

New Driver: “Yes, ma’am, how did you guess?”

Surprisingly, we didn’t fire [New Driver], but ever since then, his informal call sign among the other drivers has been “The Ditch”.

Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed, Part 3

, , , , , , , | Right | January 26, 2023

I am a bartender and server in a popular corporate bar and restaurant. A guy and his girlfriend are rude the entire time I serve them. Initially, they won’t make eye contact, and they interrupt my greeting them by ordering two margaritas.

They take up my table for two hours and order a ton of food, drinks, and dessert, all the while treating me like garbage — eye-rolling, scoffing, generally being aggressive, sending back an appetizer, etc. I drop off their check hoping they’ll f*** off as soon as possible, and I honestly don’t care if they tip; I certainly don’t expect them to.

I am bussing another table and go back to the kitchen, and I come back out to discover that they wrote “bad service” on the check, drew a penis on it, and then walked out without paying.

I discover this about three minutes after they exit the building. By this time, it’s twenty minutes to closing, I have no other tables…and to my absolute pleasure, that d****ebag has left his keys and cell phone in the booth.

I grab my manager, and we sit in the booth behind the one they’ve just left, knowing they’ll either call or have to come back in very shortly. Sure enough, they call. My manager answers and politely and enthusiastically tells them to come right in.

When they do, I sit there holding the keys and cell phone along with the unpaid check (and the penis on it) with a huge smile on my face, while my manager demands payment for their $129 tab.

Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed, Part 2
Their Dine And Dash Hopes Were Dashed

The Iced Tea Order Is Just Like Their Manners: Non-Existent

, , , | Right | January 26, 2023

I work in a Chinese restaurant delivering food. When I arrive at a customer’s house, I knock three times but they don’t answer. I end up calling the customer to let them know I am outside.

Forty-five minutes later, I get a call from them again.

Customer: “You guys forgot my iced tea.”

I am driving, with my phone connected to my car, and I am in the middle of doing a turn, so I quickly respond, probably harsher than I intended.

Me: “Call the store.”

Customer: *With an attitude* “Okay.”

Since I am only a couple of blocks away from the restaurant, I drive over and go inside to the front where our computers are. My coworkers and boss are talking amongst themselves, so I walk past them and check the customer’s order.

Me: *To my coworkers and boss* “This lady at [address] just called me a couple of minutes ago and said she was missing her iced tea. She didn’t even order an iced tea. Did she call?”

Coworker #1: “No, no one has called.”

Coworker #2: “I took her order. She didn’t say anything about a drink, and I even had to ask her to add something else because she didn’t meet our minimum.”

Me: “Guess she didn’t really want a drink, then.”

Pro-tip: don’t call the driver of the restaurant you ordered from to have your order corrected. We are driving; we can’t do anything about any mistakes that may have been made, and most of us don’t know how to work the computers in the store.

YES! Charge People For Wasting Your Time!

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: alhbundy | January 26, 2023

I ran a comic and card store in the 1990s. One fine afternoon, I was doing some organizing and straightening up, and I saw an SUV pulling up in front of my store. The mother driving proceeded to drop off her two kids and drive off.

“Not a big deal,” I thought. “She must be going to park and will be right in.” Well, I was wrong.

After a few minutes, I asked the older kid where their mother was.

Older Kid: “She went shopping.”

My store was in a strip mall and a supermarket was on the other side of the mall.

After thirty minutes, I started to get a little annoyed as I had to go to the post office and I couldn’t toss these two out; they were six and seven years old.

After an hour, I had to go to the bathroom, and I couldn’t leave them alone on the floor as they might damage something. At least they were well-behaved, but I couldn’t risk it.

After ninety minutes, I got mad. I looked in the parking lot for the SUV but couldn’t see it from my door. Of course, the parent didn’t even give her kids a couple of quarters to play a video game.

After two hours, she pulled up and honked, and the kids went running with me right behind.

Me: “That will be $20.”

Mother: *Sneering* “For what?!”

Me: “Babysitting — $10 an hour for two hours. I’m giving you a discount because the kids were so well-behaved.”

Mother: *Snorting* “This is a store for kids.”

Me: “Yes, a store. You didn’t even give your kids a quarter to play a video game. I had things I had to do and couldn’t get them done because I couldn’t leave with them here.”

Mother: “There’s nothing here I want them to buy! We won’t be coming back.”

Me: “That wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, since you don’t respect my business enough to not just leave your kids here.”

Their father did bring them in a few times after that. The shame was that the kids did like me, as I treated them with respect and didn’t just throw them out.

Their mother did tell people how rude I was, but these people knew that I could be sarcastic but never rude. She was known to be a pain in the a**.

You may wonder why I didn’t call the police, but this was the nineties, and that wasn’t really done at the time. Parents did leave their kids places sometimes. The other reason is that I didn’t get along with the city particularly well for various reasons.