Toto’s Evil Twin: Otot

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2020

(I am working at the drive-thru cash register. A customer pulls up with an older man in the driver’s seat and a woman in the passenger’s seat, with a tiny dog on her lap.)

Me: “Hi! Your total will be—”

(The dog immediately starts freaking out and barking, trying to lunge at me through the window. In between barks, it sounds like it’s almost hissing. I finish the transaction as the woman holds back the dog, who continues to bark.)

Man: “I’m sorry, she’s not usually like this.”

Me: “That’s okay.”

(They drive off and I turn to my coworker who witnessed the whole thing.)

Me: “Wow.”

Coworker: “That dog was Toto from Hell.”

Taking Into Account That Other People Have Accounts

, , , , | Right | April 4, 2020

(I’m a technical support agent for an Internet service provider. If you enter your account number in the automated system, it automatically pulls the account when your call is answered.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]; who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?”

Customer: “This is [Customer].”

Me: “Could you please verify the account holder’s name?”

Customer: “It’s… Well, it could be under two names; can I give you the account number?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “It’s [number].”

Me: “Oh, okay. That’s actually not what came up when you called; let me get the right account. Okay, can you verify the account holder’s name?”

Customer: “It’s either [Name #1] or [Name #2].”

Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, maybe I have an old account? What was the other one?”

Me: “Uh… the wrong account.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: *pause* “That’s someone else’s account?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Did Her Brain Stop Working, Too?

, , , , , , , , | Working | April 4, 2020

My husband and I both ordered a salad and entree each with our waitress, who appeared to write a bit on a notepad.

His salad came out and, after waiting a bit for mine before starting, he finally took a couple bites. Then, our entrees came.

We flagged our waitress to tell her I had never received my own salad.

She said, “Well, my pen stopped working,” and kind of looked at us for a moment and walked away.

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Insuring Nemo

, , , | Right | April 4, 2020

(In some states, our claims are required to have a list of all the passengers in a vehicle that’s involved in an accident. The person I am speaking with here is from one of those states and he’s been giving me a hard time for most of the interview already.)

Me: “Okay, next question: were you the only person in your vehicle at the time?”

Caller: “Naw, it was a full car; I had my wife, kid, and gran’kids with me.”

Me: “And what are your passengers’ names, please?”

Caller: “Do I have to tell ya? I mean, why would you even need that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in your state, it’s required for us to have a list of the names of everyone in your vehicle.”

Caller: “Well, we had some fish in the car; you wanna know about them, too?!”

Me: “You know, I guess that depends, sir. Do your fish have names?”

(He took a few seconds to recover from that but was much more cooperative for the rest of our conversation.)

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He Sounds Like A Real Catch

, , , , | Romantic | April 4, 2020

My 23-year-old brother-in-law is a six in looks and a two in personality. He is the youngest out of four siblings, so on top of having the spoiled baby syndrome, he is egotistical, selfish, and condescending. He is not above making fun of things like speech impediments to make himself feel superior or talking down to people, despite being the kind of guy who could easily be hit by a bus by not looking both ways.

He also is an electrical engineer which, for non-engineers, means he has a God-complex and is always right. And for whatever reason, this catch of a man thinks he deserves the perfect woman by his standards: a ten physically and a fifteen intellectually and a personality that matches him, despite never taking the time to get to know any of these girls. It is sufficient to say that he is squarely single and can’t figure out why from these encounters:

Date #1: He decides not to see a girl after having sex on the first date, because it was “just okay.” Naturally, he ghosts her.

Date #2: He decides not to see a girl again because she is an ER nurse and he is offended that she is late to their first date.

Date #3: Potential girlfriend refuses to get physical and just wants to hold hands because this is her first date ever.

Date #4: The girl is religious so that makes her automatically insane.

Date #5: She hasn’t seen one obscure anime, so she must have lied to him about liking anime.

The list of his jerky exploits goes on and on and on as he picks out a new insecure girl only to reject them in a horrible, self-righteous manner. I think he is going to be single for a while. If only he would stop going on dates and screwing with these poor girls.

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