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Petty Pretty Priorities

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2022

A woman pulls up to the pump and rushes into the store. She grabs some basic lipstick from a small selection on our counter.

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “$2.69, ma’am.”

Customer: “Crap. I need gas to get home but I only have $5.”

Me: “So, just the gas?”

Customer: “No, I’ll take the lipstick.”

Me: “Are you sure you’ll have enough gas to get home?”

Customer: *Already applying the lipstick* “If I look pretty, I can ask a guy to—” *smacks lips* “—buy some gas for me.”

I finish the transaction with my mouth agape.

Customer: “Usually works.”

Sadly, within minutes… it worked.

Don’t Like Your Style

, , , , , , | Learning Working | July 1, 2022

My longtime stylist has started teaching at a cosmetology school. She asks if I would be willing to be a “hair model” for students to observe her technique in exchange for a free cut and style. I agree and come by the school at the specified time.

I have curly hair that I normally keep very long, but I have decided that I want to go shoulder-length. [Stylist] introduces me to her class and has me take a seat.

Stylist: “What are we doing today, [My Name]?”

Me: “I’d like to go shoulder-length with some layers, please.”

Stylist: “Are you sure? It may not work with your curly hair.”

Me: “I’m sure. I want to try something different.”

Stylist: “Okay, if you say so.”

She starts cutting while talking to her students about technique, customer preferences, and the like.

Stylist: “And sometimes customers ask for something that may not work for their type of hair or face shape. But we do it anyway, even if we think it won’t look good!”

Me: “It’s my hair. If I don’t like it, it’ll grow.”

Stylist: “See what I mean, guys?”

Her students chuckle. I roll my eyes. She finishes up and turns me around.

Stylist: “And you’re done! See, class, not as hard as you think it is.”

She has barely taken any length off and there are no layers. My hair is still several inches below my shoulders.

Me: “This isn’t what I asked for.”

Stylist: “Sure it is.”

Me: “I asked for shoulder-length with layers, and this is not it.”

Stylist: “If you don’t like it, then go somewhere else.”

A couple of students let out an “Ooooh”.

Me: “Wow.”

I walk out. I go to another salon a couple of weeks later. A different stylist does exactly what I ask for, and it looks fabulous! I decide to start going to her, instead.

About a year later, I get a text from my former stylist.

Stylist: “Hey, it’s been a while. Can I set up an appointment for you?”

Me: “Remember when you told me to go somewhere else if I didn’t like my hair?”

Stylist: “Oh, I have to be like that with students. I didn’t mean it.”

Me: “I have shoulder-length hair and a new stylist. Don’t contact me again.”

I went to my new stylist for several years until she moved out of the area.

Maybe That’s How His Mom Tested If Her Baby Was A Good Egg

, , | Right | July 1, 2022

I witness a young man walk over to our egg section, open a pack, pick up an egg as if to inspect it, and then casually drop it on the ground where it unsurprisingly goes splat.

I stare for a moment to tell myself it was a simple mistake, but then the customer opens another pack, takes another egg, and repeats the doomed experiment.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, please don’t do that to the eggs.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m just testing them.”

Me: “For what?”

Customer: “To see if they’re any good.”

Me: “And what does a good egg do when it’s dropped to the ground?”

Customer: “I… don’t know. My mom just told me to check the eggs before I bought them.”

Me: “So, just dropping them on the ground was your first thought?”

Customer: “I thought good eggs might bounce?”

Red Lock Customers Are Red Flags

, , , | Right | July 1, 2022

I work at an escape room where I am required to give a speech about the rules before you go into the room. I’ve got it down so well I could tell it in my sleep and know for a fact I say everything.

One of our rules is that red locks in the room won’t open, they’re just for staff. This particular group is not paying attention whatsoever while I’m telling the rules, claiming that they’re fine and don’t need the rules because they’ve been here before. I’m still going through the speech because I don’t recognize them.

At one point they start taking selfies with each other during the rules clearly ignoring everything I’m saying. I finish up the rules and the story for the room and get them in there.

About five minutes into their game:

Customer: *Messing with a red lock.*

Me: *Over the screen.* “No need to mess with the red locks.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t she tell us that in the beginning?!”

The Airhead And The Worry-Wart — A Deadly Combo

, , , , , , | Related Working | July 1, 2022

I’m a fully-functioning, college-educated adult. I live with my parents because I found a job in my hometown, and rent or property costs are extremely expensive around here. My boss is a bit of an airhead, and my mom is a bit of a worry-wart.

I get home one day, and my mom rushes to meet me at the door and wrap me in a big hug.

Mom: “Oh, thank God! You’re safe!”

Me: “Um… yeah? Why wouldn’t I be safe?”

Mom: “[Boss] called me this morning. He said you weren’t in your office today. The door was locked and the lights were off.”

Me: “I was definitely there. I had an IBS flare-up…”

My boss and most coworkers know I have IBS, in case it ever interferes with my work.

Me: “…so I went down to the restroom a few times, but otherwise, I was there all day. I talked to multiple people who could confirm that. I wonder why [Boss] went straight to calling you instead of calling my cell phone or talking to anyone else in the office.”

Mom: “I don’t know, but I’ve been panicking all day that you were dead in a car crash or something. Thank God you’re okay!”

I talked to my boss the next day to tell him to call ME next time he needs to know where I am, instead of calling my mother. I also told my mom that she can always call me herself to find out where I am. She had somehow never thought of that option after my boss called her.