Your Friend Is Imaginary, Just Like Your Courtesy

, , , , , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

I work in a home decor store where all the registers are at the front, and people go to the next available register. It’s a busy Saturday, so all the registers are staffed and there’s a line. When my previous customer leaves, I look back at where the line starts. I call out that I can help the next person, but no one moves. At the front of a line is a woman with one item — a painting — who seems to be almost deliberately avoiding eye contact. I repeat that I can take the next person, thinking maybe she’s with the customer at the register closest to the line and the people behind her are next, but none of the customers move around her.

After about a minute goes by, I step out from my register so I’m more visible, and call for the next customer again, still to no avail. The customer at the front of the line is looking everywhere but at me. I finally start to walk closer to her, which gets her attention. We go to my register, where I start to ring her out.

“Sorry about that!” she says. “I must not have heard you; I was talking to my friend!”

Not only was she there alone, but she never said a word until she got to my register.

Proof! Evidence Of Incompetence Forces Publishers To Eat Costs

, , , , , , | Working | November 14, 2018

I am ordering more business cards for my office, and am asking the graphic designer to add our email address to the cards. Our email address has an unusual spelling, so I go through it letter by letter, and she says she will send me a proof to approve before actually printing the cards. A week later, she calls and says she’s going to drop by with the cards, and to have payment ready. I never received a proof.

Lo and behold, the email address is spelled wrong, although not in the way that most people misspell it. I refuse the incorrect cards, but she insists that someone from my office signed off on the proof. As only the business owner and I have the authority to do so, and neither of us did, I know that’s not true. Additionally, the “sent” mailbox in our email contains no correspondence with her, as it would have if anyone had approved an emailed proof.

Later, she calls saying that she checked her notes from when I called to make the order, and her notes have our email address the way she spelled it. She claims that I spelled it that way on the phone, and I point out that it’s far more likely that she wrote it down wrong, and that’s why we send a proof for approval before printing, isn’t it?

All I can conclude is that she forgot to send the proof before printing and was trying to find reasons that she could claim it was my fault so she wouldn’t have to eat the cost. Now I have to wait for the proof to actually arrive so I can double-check it before the corrected cards are printed.

Got His Seven-Up!

, , , , , | Romantic | November 14, 2018

(My husband and I are eating a dinner of steak and garden peas together. Midway through the meal, he throws a couple of peas at me.)

Husband: *giggles* “I just peed on you!”

(A few minutes later he picks up his soda, glancing seductively at me.)

Husband: “Maybe later I’ll ‘mount-and-do’ you.”

(I’m so glad I found someone who enjoys the same humor as I do.)

Not So Nice Spice

, , , , | Right | November 14, 2018

(It is a slow day at the take-out restaurant I work for. Our menu has labels that state very clearly if something is “spicy.” I get a call from a frantic semi-regular customer.)

Customer: “You made the dish I picked so spicy!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I know on the menu it says, ‘spicy’! But it is never usually spicy. My mother cannot eat this!”

Me: “Yeah, usually we do not make this dish really ‘spicy’ because of our clients, but some new chefs do not know this. You could always ask for it non-spicy.”

Customer: “I never thought to ask! I want a new one.”

Me: “Okay, hold one moment; let me talk to my boss.”

(I put her on hold and talk to my boss, who agrees to make a new one — even if it was supposed to be spicy.)

Me: “My boss said we can make you a new one; just bring the old one back. It should take about five minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I want it delivered.”

Me: “Delivered? But you picked it up.”

(Also, the delivery driver would not be tipped, so they would not want to be sent out.)

Customer: “I know, but I do not wish to go back out.”

Me: “Sorry, we cannot deliver it. If you want a new one you have to come get it.”

Customer: “Fine, my mother will just deal with it!” *hangs up*

Growing Up With Two Daddies Appears To Be Reasonable To A Child From Day One

, , , , , | Related | November 14, 2018

(My father is an identical twin. When both he and his brother were in the military and my uncle was visiting, I was about two. My mother and I had an interesting conversation.)

Mom: *pointing at my uncle* “Who’s that?”

Me: “That’s Daddy!”

Mom: *pointing at my father* “Who’s that?”

Me: “Two daddies!”

(I’m sure it seemed reasonable to me at the time.)

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