Magical Enough To Dry Itself?

, , , , | | Right | July 16, 2019

(I used to work at a well-known non-profit thrift store. My job was to take donations from customers and then sort the donations so they could be priced and sold. We aren’t allowed to take certain items if they are damaged, wet, or gross. It rains a lot in western Washington and on this particular day, it is dumping. Most donors who bring furniture cover it up with a tarp or something. Then, these donors show up.)

Me: “Hey, guys! How’s it going?”

Donor #1: “Pretty good, bud! Just dropping off some furniture. It got a little wet, though.”

(I look at their truck; they have a recliner made out of some kind of fabric, and it’s soaked.)

Me: “Uh, guys? We won’t be able to take this.”

Donor #1: *while unstrapping the chair* “What? Why not?!”

Me: “Dude… it’s soaked. Why didn’t you cover it?”

Donor #2: *standing uncomfortably close to me* “Hey, man, you’re taking this chair. It’s a great chair; magical even. You see that chair? I bet you’d love that chair, so you’re gonna take it.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “No, I’m not gonna take it; it’s soaked.”

Donor #1: “Well, what the f*** am I supposed to do with it, then?! I came all the way from [Next Town Over, about 20 minutes away]?”

Me: “I suggest the dump, to be honest.”

Donor #1: “Thanks for nothing a**hole. I’ll be back for you. I know where you work!”

Me: *as they are getting in their truck, calling me every profanity they can think of* “Have a good day!”

Donor #1: “F*** off!”

(I never saw them again, and we still got attempts to donate soaking wet furniture all day, along with the pissed-off people to go with them.)

This Scam Is Not At Diamond Strength

, , , , | | Right | June 27, 2019

(I work at a thrift store. A lady pulls up and gives me a box full of miscellaneous housewares. Basically, it looks like there are a bazillion little things in this box.)

Me: “Thanks for thinking of us!”

(I’m trying to smile with a professional expression, but I am not looking forward to going through what looks like tiny trash items and a few small pieces of Tupperware.)

Lady: “Oh, and I’d like a receipt, too.”

(Luckily for me, we don’t list small things individually, so I can literally hand her a piece of paper that says, “one box of small housewares,” and initial it, so that’s what I start to do.)

Lady: “Oh, yeah, and I’m donating a diamond ring, too. Could you add that to the list?”

(Red flag alert!)

Me: *huge retail grin* “Really?! That’s awesome! Let’s see it!”

(I pretend to dig through the rubbish, watching out of the corner of my eye as this lady’s face falters.)

Lady: *stuttering a bit* “Er, it’s, uh, in… in the box. Look, I need to go somewhere, so can you add it to my receipt and look later?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I need to have something that valuable physically in my hands before I can add it to my receipt.”

Lady: *nervously* “Uh, let me see if I can…”

(She digs halfheartedly for two seconds, then gives up.)

Lady: “Uh, maybe I forgot to bring it. I’ll have to bring it in next time…”

Me: *retail grin widens* “Sounds great, ma’am. So, one box of miscellaneous minor housewares.” *puts my initials on it* “Here’s your copy. I keep the master; you get the yellow duplicate.”

(This is so if she writes it on her copy, it’s obviously fraudulent. She left, obviously disappointed that her plan failed so spectacularly.)

These Boots Were Made For Walking Cheaply

, , , | | Right | June 10, 2019

(I work in a thrift store, and I am basically in charge of shoes and purses. On occasion, I get a rare or expensive pair that gets donated, and these go in a glass case for display rather than on the floor.)

Customer: “May I see the [Expensive Brand] shoes?”

(I bring them out and the customer eyes them critically.)

Customer: “This is a thrift store, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Most of your other shoes aren’t more than $5 or $6! How do you justify charging $30 for this pair?”

Me: “It’s actually quite easy to justify, actually. This brand retails for $200 each. I took $50 off because this pair is used, then took an additional 80% off because we’re a thrift store. We actually beat out [Competitor Thrift Store] in prices all the time.”

(The customer actually stops and looks wide-eyed.)

Me: “Of course… if that price isn’t low enough for you, I’m sure someone else would be happy to pay that price for those boots…”

Customer: “No! I’ll buy them right now! Sold! Ring me up, please!”

(I guess justifying my prices is quite easy when no one else in the city offers discounts like that.)

Bad Customers Need A Miniature Mirror To Their Behavior

, , , , , , | | Right | June 6, 2019

(A mother and her child come to the registers. She’s yakking on the phone the entire time, absently piling stuff on the counter for me to ring. At some point, her kid tries to get her attention over something he’s spotted. She ignores him. He scowls, huffs loudly, and crosses his arms. She doesn’t respond. He huffs even louder and recrosses his arms, starting to tap his foot.)

Son: *takes a big breath and bellows* “WHAT THE F*** DOES IT TAKE TO GET SOME SERVICE AROUND HERE?!”

Mom: *flushes a brilliant red, hangs up* “I have no idea where he learned that.”

Me: *perfectly straight-faced* “Uh-huh.”

Does Not Register How To Use The Register

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2019

(Our card reader does take chip cards, but it’s a very persnickety thing and if you do things in the wrong order, it will either ignore you completely or force you to start over.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, before you chip it, just confirm the amount—“

Customer: “I know how to do it!”

(She jams her card into the chip reader. It gives an angry buzzing noise.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, please take your card out of the chip reader and press the green circle on the screen.”

(Ignoring me, she jams the green circle on the keypad.)

Me: “Ma’am, you have to take your card out, press the circle on the screen, and put the card back in.”

Customer: “I know how to do it!”

(She jabs the circle on the screen but doesn’t take her card out. The reader proceeds to ignore her card in the slot and instructs her to swipe or chip her card.)

Customer: “Why does it say to swipe or chip?! It’s already in there!”

Me: “Ma’am, this machine is very persnickety. You need to take your card out and start over.”

Customer: “No, I don’t! I know how to use these things!”

(The card reader times out, meaning we now have to start over. I press the appropriate buttons.)

Me: “Take your card out and press the green circle on the screen. Then put your card back in.”

(The woman pulls her card out, then jams it back in before pressing the green circle. Since she didn’t press the green circle first, the machine buzzes at her.)

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I know how to use these things!”

Me: *annoyed* “Ma’am, please listen to the instructions–“

Customer: “This is bulls***! You do it, then!”

(She throws her card down on the counter. I sigh, turn the scanner toward me, and press the green button. It chimes happily and I put her card in. In seconds, her card is authorized and I take her card out and hand it to her.)

Me: “Now you just need to sign using the stylus and press the green circle on the screen again…”

(She jabs the screen viciously with her finger and rubs back and forth.)

Customer: “Why isn’t it working?!”

Store Manager: *who has been nearby, watching* “Because you can’t seem to follow directions. Use. The. Stylus. And press the green circle on the screen.”

(The woman finally grabs the stylus, scribbles incomprehensibly on the screen, and jams the stylus back into its holder. I sigh and pick up the stylus, pressing the green button. The persnickety machine is finally happy; it chimes again and the woman’s receipt prints up.)

Customer: “I know how to use these things!”

Me & Store Manager: *as she flounces out* “No… You clearly don’t.”

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