A White Dress Stress

, , , , , , , | | Working | August 21, 2019

My two friends, both women, got married this spring. [Friend #1] has had her dream wedding planned since she was a kid, while [Friend #2] has always said she’d be happy with a courthouse wedding, but went along with [Friend #1]’s plans since she didn’t have a strong opinion one way or another.

They were getting married in [Friend #1]’s hometown, and [Friend #2] travels a lot for work, so [Friend #1] was the one onsite coordinating a lot of things, to the extent that [Friend #2] had only done one quick walkthrough of the reception venue a week before the wedding, while [Friend #1] had been in frequent communication with the manager there and had met her in person several times. It’s also important to note that [Friend #2] has a gender-neutral name.

The day of the wedding, after the ceremony at [Friend #1]’s church, two disasters struck almost simultaneously: [Friend #1]’s dress was stepped on and torn, and the reception hall called to inform them that there was an issue with the seating chart, and they needed them down to resolve it ASAP. Luckily, my friends had scheduled a bit of a break in time between the ceremony and the reception, so [Friend #1] went with her mother, who is a seamstress, to fix her dress, while [Friend #2] headed to the reception to deal with the problem there.

When [Friend #2] showed up at the reception venue, the manager got very confused, and asked her what she was doing there. [Friend #2] was very surprised to get that question, as she was still in her large, white dress, and informed the manager that she was having her wedding reception there that afternoon and needed to speak to her.

The manager immediately began sputtering and saying that there must have been some mistake, that another wedding party had already booked the venue, that [Friend #2] needed to tell her party to move on, and that they simply couldn’t accommodate them without any notice… And [Friend #2] began panicking, thinking that somehow their booking had been canceled and they wouldn’t have a venue for the evening.

It took about five minutes before the manager and [Friend #2] actually began to listen to one another, at which point they realized that the wedding the manager was speaking about was [Friend #2]’s wedding. She had only ever met [Friend #1], heard her refer to her fiancée by a gender-neutral name, and assumed that she was marrying a man. Then, when she saw [Friend #2] show up in a white dress, talking about her wedding reception that night, she thought some crazy bride had shown up to try to bully her way into the venue.

Luckily, [Friend #1] and [Friend #2] had a good sense of humor about it, and like to joke that [Friend #2] almost got everyone kicked out of her own wedding. And in case anyone was wondering, the seating issue was resolved easily, and [Friend #1]’s dress was mended so well, you never would notice the seam.

A Picture Perfect Finish

, , , , | | Hopeless | August 9, 2019

Due to very complicated administrative reasons, my partner and I could not get married in a timely fashion in either of our home countries or the country where we currently reside. After much research, we hit on Denmark as our best possible option and applied to be civilly married there. Our application came back approved a week later and we started planning our trip. Neither of us makes very much money and we’re both fairly thrifty by nature so we make things work the best we can. We plan to spend the minimum amount of time possible in Copenhagen, we book the cheapest possible non-refundable flights on a budget airline, and we decide to stay in a hostel dorm with access to a kitchen so we can self-cater.

There is one thing I want to splurge on: I want pics of the big day because I have a terrible memory and because it’s just the two of us basically eloping and we both have friends and family who wanted to be there but couldn’t.

My partner thinks I’m being a bit silly about it but agrees, if we can find someone in budget. I look for professional, reputable photographers but I can’t find anyone in budget and I rapidly realize that all listed options that I’m finding are much more than we need or want.  

Finally, I come to the conclusion that it would be cheaper for us to fly and accommodate a third person out with us to do the photography than it would be to get a professional. I ask colleagues and local friends if anyone’s free for a random two-day jaunt to Copenhagen. 

A friend of a friend is free, and he and I sit down together and book his tickets and hostel. All’s well until we go to check in online before our flight. My partner and I check in with no problem. [Friend of Friend] goes to check in and it turns out that somehow, despite having two sets of eyes on the whole booking from start to finish, I somehow managed to book him the wrong way round — Copenhagen to our city and then our city back to Copenhagen. Since we did the cheapest possible booking, the tickets were non-refundable and the price has since dramatically increased.

My partner accepts this all very philosophically but is annoyed about the lost money. I am incredibly upset and can’t believe how stupid I was.

In desperation, I try a FB page related to Copenhagen and I pour out the whole story of my stupidity with the booking and begging someone, anyone, to come to take pictures of us in exchange for a few mementos from our city.

Someone does get back to me and says he can do it.

I am happy but don’t want to be too happy in case it doesn’t work out. My partner is much more openly skeptical. But on the day of, our impromptu photographer shows up and spends the morning taking pictures of us! He is so thoughtful and has such good ideas for places and poses! I couldn’t have asked for a better photographer! Thanks to him, we have beautiful photos to show our friends and family!

Bridezilla: The Prequel

, , , , , , | | Romantic | June 6, 2019

My husband had a falling-out with his former best friend after the guy cheated on our other best friend. (She found him in bed with another woman and immediately left him.) Then, the woman he cheated with got pregnant. My husband has described this woman as “crazy,” “abusive,” and “manipulative.” He’s 99% sure she got pregnant just to keep her boyfriend from leaving. She drank alcohol during her pregnancy, and was seen in public with her baby, clearly under the influence.

At one point, she threw something heavy at her boyfriend’s head, giving him a black eye. She’s also a pathological liar, constantly telling everyone that she and her boyfriend got together after he had already broken up with his ex when everyone knows what really happened — the guy admits it.

Now this couple has decided to get married even though the guy clearly doesn’t want to be with her and had tried to get back together with his ex several times.

It’s the day before their wedding, and my husband asks him, “So, are you really going through with it?”

His reply: “Oh, yeah, she’s acting okay now.”

What a touching proclamation of love! Just what every bride wants to hear her husband say!

Drink Is Not The Problem Here

, , , , , , | Related | April 8, 2019

(This takes place on my cousin’s wedding day. She is marrying a very nice man whose family is strictly religious; as such, they are very against alcohol consumption. During the reception, my cousin is speaking to her new sister-in-law, drink in hand. She is pouring her heart out about her father’s suicide earlier in the year and how devastated she is that he couldn’t walk her down the aisle.)

Sister-In-Law: *reaching out and wrenching the glass of champagne from my cousin’s hand* “Well, sweetie, maybe if you didn’t drink so much, these things wouldn’t happen to you. Did you ever think that this is God’s way of punishing you for your sins?”

(We quickly separated the two, got my cousin a new drink, and fawned over her until she could enjoy her wedding day again. It’s now years later and it still boils my blood.)

Being A Big Baby About It

, , , , , , | Related | March 25, 2019

(My husband and I both dislike children, so we didn’t invite any children to our wedding and we spread the word that we didn’t want any kids or babies there. Most family and friends were cool with it and either clubbed together to pay for a crèche service for the day or sent us their regrets that they wouldn’t be able to come. All fine, until I get a phone call from one of my cousins.)

Cousin: “I just heard that my baby isn’t invited to your wedding even though I am?!”

Me: “Sorry, but we’re not inviting any children or babies to our wedding.”

Cousin: “You selfish c***! What do you expect me to do?!”

Me: “Either find someone to look after your baby for the day or don’t come to the wedding. We understand that people who can’t be without their children for whatever reason won’t be able to come, and that’s totally fine.”

Cousin: “What are you going to do once you start having babies?! Huh?!”

Me: “We’re not having any kids, but that’s irrelevant. We don’t want children at our wedding, and we’re paying for it, so we can make the rules.”

Cousin: “F*** you, you selfish c***. I’ll turn up with my baby, anyway! You won’t notice she’s there; she’s quiet. The wedding isn’t about you! Selfish! Selfish!”

Me: “If you’re going be this insulting, then you’re uninvited, anyway.”

Cousin: “You can’t do that, and you can’t ban babies from a wedding! It’s not a real marriage if you’re not having kids, anyway, you stupid c***.” *hangs up*

(She DID, in fact, show up on the day of the wedding with her baby in tow, despite telling us via email she wouldn’t come to our “sham wedding” after that phone call. The rest of our guests told her to GTFO, so she ended up driving 40 miles home again right away! I only found out about this after the wedding, which went very well. We have a lovely, happy, childless marriage now.)

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