Dyslexic Or Dys-lazy?

, , , , | Related | February 12, 2020

(It’s the day of my brother’s wedding and I’m helping some of my other family members with last-minute things. I end up working with my aunt, attempting to set up some of the drink dispensers with spigots.)

Aunt: “Hey, Mom? I need you to do this for me; I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do.”

Me: “[Aunt], it has directions.”

(I’m thinking she lost the direction sheet, but I see it sitting right on the table next to us)

Aunt: “You know I’m too dyslexic to read this. Mom?!”

Me: “[Aunt], it has pictures!”

(She still called for my Mom-Mom to come and help her.)

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You’re The Black Dress Of The Family

, , , , | Related | February 6, 2020

(It’s my sister’s wedding and I’m invited. We aren’t close and I’m against weddings but I decide to go anyway to please my dad and brother. I plan to go in a dressy blouse and a formal skirt, but my brother wants me to wear an expensive dress.)

Me: “I don’t have the money for a dress.”

Brother: “Liar!”

Me: “Well, I don’t want to wear one. I’m a grown woman and can choose my own clothes! Why are you trying to control me?”

Brother: “I’m not trying to take away your freedom of choice. But this is a formal event and everyone will be looking at you. You’ll embarrass her if you wear a blouse and skirt to your own sister’s wedding.”

Me: “I don’t care what she thinks! Do you remember what she wore to my university graduation celebration?”

Brother: “No. What?”

Me: “Ripped jeans and a dirty sweatshirt. That day meant a lot to me after I worked like a dog for my degree. So, tell me again why I should wear this dress?”

(He went silent after that, but on the day of the wedding he started up again. I figured it was just one day, so I caved, but I wish I hadn’t.)

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Should Have Capped It At Capsicum

, , , , , | Right | January 25, 2020

(I have an unusual combination of uncommon allergies, including tomatoes and capsicum. I’ve taken to joking about being “that guest” wherever I go, because feeding me can be a challenge. I am at a friend’s wedding, and the first dish is served without issue. However, when the main is served, I notice the steak is served with a roasted tomato.)

Me: “Um, I’m really sorry, but I’m allergic to tomatoes.”

Server: “Wait, really? But it’s not on the list!”

(She shows me. Everything else is there, but not tomatoes. Because the skin has split, I can’t eat the dish, and the other meal has tomatoes, too. She takes it away and returns with the vegan meal. I’m a little disappointed, particularly since it looks like there is chili in the quinoa, which I hate, but nevertheless start nibbling one piece of cauliflower. The server comes racing back to me.)

Server: “Put that down! Don’t eat it!”

Me: “What?”

Server: “The quinoa has capsicum in it!”

(The table laughed at me getting two meals each with a different allergen in it. I was amazed I’d really become “that guest.” The third dish they gave me was happily free of all foods I am allergic to.)

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The Battle Of The Brides

, , , , | Related | January 21, 2020

(My now-husband and I get engaged in 2010. We know we want to wait at least a year until we get married, for several reasons, and we end up choosing a wedding date two years in the future that works best for us. Everything is planned early, and I send our save-the-dates out a year in advance, with invitations to follow about six months before the wedding. We are probably the most relaxed bride and groom any of our friends and family have ever seen. Ultimately, we just want a fun day with everyone, nothing crazy or too fancy. About a month before our invites go out, my older sister is at our house helping me with the handmade favors we’ve decided to give to our guests.)

Sister: “So, have you heard from [Cousin] lately?”

Me: “No, but you know she and I have never spent a lot of time together outside of family stuff. Why?”

Sister: “You know she got engaged a couple of months ago, right? Well, [Aunt] told Mom that [Cousin] is determined to get married before you do.”

Me: “Why? We’ve never been competitive before.”

Sister: “Maybe it’s because you two are the youngest grandchildren and she doesn’t want to be the last one to get married?”

Me: “That’s silly. But she’s welcome to it if she can find a venue and everything else that quickly. I’ve had two years to plan and that was hectic enough.”

(Two months later, a month since our invites went out and five months before our wedding day, I get an invitation in the mail to [Cousin]’s wedding. She scheduled it for the same date AND time as ours, at a venue on the other side of the state. I immediately call my sister.)

Me: *laughing* “[Sister]! Did you get an invite to [Cousin’s] wedding today?”

Sister: *also laughing* “Yes! I can’t believe she scheduled it the same day as yours! She’s known your wedding date for almost a year.”

Me: “You know who I feel bad for — the relatives that will have to choose between the two weddings. There’s no way anyone would be able to go to both, like if they were closer together and at different times.”

Sister: “Wow, you’re right. Well, we already know Grandma is going to be at your wedding. That’s really going to p*** [Cousin] off.”

(My sister is right. Our cousin is furious at all of the relatives that choose my wedding over hers. Then again, I only invited the relatives that I’m actually close to and talk with, whereas she invited EVERYONE, even people she’d never met. In the end, our wedding is so much fun! It is a relaxing day and everyone seems like they have a good time. About three months after we return from our honeymoon, I get this call from my sister:)

Sister: “[My Name]! Mom just called, and guess what?”

Me: “What?”

Sister: “[Cousin] is pregnant! She’s apparently going on and on about having kids before you do. Blah, blah, blah.”

Me: *bursts out laughing* “Joke’s on her, I guess!”

Sister: “I know! You don’t even want kids!”

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Mom Had Reservations; The Groom Did Not

, , , , , , | Romantic | January 6, 2020

(I am the front desk manager at a hotel and we frequently have people calling to reserve blocks of rooms for large events such as hockey tournaments or weddings. In mid-August, a gentleman calls to reserve 15 rooms for his wedding in October. We discuss the prices and all the details and finalize the arrangement. I inform him that in order for us to honor the arrangement, he has to ensure that at least half of the rooms in the block are reserved by a specific date; otherwise, the block and the negotiated rate will be cancelled. We give him the option to either provide us with a rooming list so that we can reserve the rooms ourselves or to have his guests call us individually to reserve their rooms; he chooses the second option. We fax him a contract, which he signs and returns, agreeing to these terms.

A week before the October 1 cutoff date, I call him to inform him that we have not yet received any reservations for his block and ask him to please remind his guests that they need to call us to book their rooms. He tells me no problem; he will email everyone right away to remind them. Two days before the cutoff date, we call him again for the same reason; we get no answer and so we email him.

He responds the next day saying, “Push the cutoff date back a few days for me, please? I will have the rooms booked in a couple of days.” His original cutoff date was for ten days before the wedding; I push it back to five days before. The day before the new cutoff date, I call again and get no answer, and so I email him again telling him that I cannot push the date back any further and that his arrangement will be cancelled if the rooms are not reserved by the end of the night. He responds simply, “Fine, just keep one or two rooms for me just in case. Thanks.”

And so, the block is cancelled and with it, the negotiated rate. As a courtesy, I do reserve two rooms under his name at the original block, just in case, and inform my night audit clerk to go ahead and charge him a no-show fee on the two rooms if he doesn’t show up. On the day of the wedding, right around 1:00 pm, a bus pulls up out front. A lot of people get out and start lighting cigarettes while a young lady — [Customer #1] — and her mother [Customer #2] come in and walk up to the front desk to speak to my employee. [Customer #1]’s last name is the same as the wedding guy.)

Customer #1: “Hi! My name is [Customer #1] and we have a block of rooms booked here for tonight and tomorrow. Can we just get the keys and the rooming list so that we can get everyone settled before we sign all the registration cards and everything?”

Employee: “Oh… I don’t seem to… Let me just get my manager.”

(I have heard the entire exchange, so I’ve already come out of my office at this point to try to lessen the blow the lady is about to receive.)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name], and I am the front desk manager here at [Hotel]. Now, if I hear correctly, you are here for the block of rooms reserved under the name [Wedding guy]?

Customer #1: “Yes, he’s my fiancé. Does he need to be here for us to pick up the keys?”

Customer #2: “He’s at his uncle’s house preparing for his bachelor party. We can have him down here in maybe 20 minutes if this is an issue.”

Me: “No, no! That’s not an issue at all. However, we do have a little issue here. When your fiancé booked the block of rooms, we had him sign a contract stating that the rooms in the block would be reserved by the first of October, and he advised us that he would be having the guests call to make their own reservations rather than providing us with a rooming list. We have contacted him several times since then to remind him of his obligation to get these rooms reserved, and we even pushed the cutoff date to October 5 to accommodate your needs. Ultimately, the rooms were never reserved and your fiancé told us in an email to go ahead and release the rooms into our inventory and to just reserve two rooms for him just in case.”

Customer #1: “So… what are you saying? You gave my rooms away?”

Me: “Well, they were released into the inventory to be sold…”

Customer #1: “That’s bulls***! [Wedding Guy] is a smart, responsible man and he has kept me up to date on everything. There is no way he screwed this up so badly. I don’t believe it; you’re covering up for your own mistake, aren’t you? You sold my rooms and now you’re blaming my fiancé.”

Customer #2: “Honey, please, you’re getting all worked up…”

Me: “I have the emails here that we exchanged after I had already pushed back the cutoff date.”

(I grab the front desk monthly binder in which we keep any and all printed or written correspondence regarding reservations. I open it to the current day and pull out the sheets with our emails. She grabs the papers from my hands and her face starts to grow red. I can see she is holding back tears. Her mother is reading over her shoulder, and she has this look as though she knew something like this would happen.)

Customer #2: “Look, obviously he shouldn’t have been in charge of making these arrangements. He’s a construction foreman, not a wedding planner. This was nothing more than a misunderstanding. Can we just remake the booking? We’ve travelled eight hours already on that bus; we don’t mind waiting a few more minutes while you do a little magic in that computer of yours.”

Me: “Well, normally, I would have no problem honoring the original arrangement under these circumstances, but unfortunately, we no longer have 15 rooms available. There’s a major fall festival going on right now and…”

Customer #1: “I know there’s a d*** festival! Why do you think we came all this way to get married?! We’re getting married in the heart of [Local Provincial Park] and we’re doing the wedding shoot down by the fairgrounds in the pumpkin patch. I’ve had this all planned out for months and the weather is perfect. You’re not going to tell me that this is all ruined!”

Customer #2: “Honey, calm down. Go sit in the lobby and let me handle this. You need to stay calm for tomorrow.” *to me* “Isn’t there anything you can do for us?”

Me: “Well, I did reserve two rooms for you, as per his request, but aside from that, I’ve only got four rooms available to rent. Every other hotel in the area is booked solid tonight except for [Very Fancy Hotel that charges double what we do]. Last I checked, they still had two rooms left. The rooms I have are all singles, though; we have a lot of families in town for the festival, so the doubles were snapped up pretty quickly over the past few days.”

(By this point, the bride is sobbing uncontrollably in the lobby. Her mother goes to her and comforts her as some of the guests from outside start to come in to see what has happened. We end up having somewhat of an angry mob once the guests all find out what happened. We finally manage to make everybody understand that the rooms were never reserved and that the fiancé is to blame for it. I give them a total of six rooms — the two I had reserved and the remaining four — at the original discounted price. I also make arrangements to send a few people to the fancy hotel, and they agree to honor our price due to the circumstances. People end up sharing rooms and sleeping on mattresses on the floor. We set up a few people in an empty conference room on mattresses, as well, and a few more people head out of town to stay at little truck stop motels. In the end, everyone has a place to sleep. Strangely, I never do see or hear from [Wedding Guy]. The next morning, a tearful bride is sitting in our breakfast room, sobbing over a bowl of cereal.)

Me: “What’s the matter? Aren’t you excited for your big day? Don’t let this whole experience get you down; in 30 years you and your husband will be laughing about this with your grandchildren!”

(This sets her off crying hysterically. Her mother is sitting with her, calmly rubbing her shoulder.)

Customer #2: “There is no big day today, unfortunately. There was no bachelor party at his uncle’s; that brute never even came into town.”

Me: “Oh, my…”

Customer #2: “Yes, well, do you want to know what he told us last night? He is already married! He has three children! He didn’t mean to let it get this far, he says, so he deliberately screwed up the hotel arrangements in the hopes that my daughter here would call off the wedding herself. He had no intention of marrying her and we just wasted a whole lot of time and money.”

Me: “That… Wow, that is terrible. I’m so sorry.”

Customer #2: “Oh, no, don’t you be sorry. You did what you could for us. The way I figure it, at least this ended before they got married and had children and invested in a home. Now she knows who he really was. I could have told you a long time ago but–” *pats her daughter on the back* “–the young ones here are blinded by love.”

Me: “Well, I really hope she’s going to be okay.”

Customer #2: “Oh, she’ll be fine. It might take a while, but someday she and her future husband will be laughing about this horrible experience. Now that she’s not engaged, she’s free to go out and find him, right dear?”

Customer #1: “I want to find him, tie him down, and have my period on his face.”

Customer #2: “That’s the spirit!” *to me again* “See? She’ll be fine!”

(I never saw those people again after that day but I will never forget that experience.)

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