Dough Not Engage!

, , , , | Romantic | December 6, 2019

(I work in a chain bakery within a shopping centre. We are across from a supermarket and throughout the day a sales associate goes on “tastings,” essentially just standing in front of the shopfront offering free samples to people walking past. I am out on tastings when I am approached by an older man. I am eighteen and fresh out of high school.)

Random Guy: “Well, I suppose I’d better take one, then.”

Me: “Here you go, enjoy!”

Random Guy: “Hey, why did the baker go out of business? Because he ran out of dough!”

(Cue awkward laughter and a polite customer service smile.)

Random Guy: “Hey, can I buy you a drink?”

(This catches me totally off guard as this has never happened before, and I have no idea how to respond, so I just try to be polite.)

Me: *laughs* “No, thanks. I’ve got to do my work.”

Random Guy: “Don’t worry, I’ll get you a drink.”

(The dude walked away and I thought he was leaving, but he was back ten minutes later with what looked like a bottle of wine; it was a non-alcoholic drink from the supermarket next door. He gave it to me and I just thanked him and ran back inside as quickly as possible. I’m still not sure if he was a creep or just trying to be nice.)

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They Ended Up Spending Quality Time Together After All

, , , , , , | Legal | December 4, 2019

(I am picking up some stuff for Christmas dinner with my family, looking like a cross between a college student and hipster, when a rather rude man approaches me.)

Rude Man: “Hey, hot momma, where you been hiding?”

Me: *instantly on guard* “Nowhere that concerns you. Excuse me, please.”

Rude Man: *doing his best to block my exit* “Where you think you’re going? Here I am being a nice guy, and you just blow me off!”

Me: “I apologize; I am in a bit of a hurry and not feeling up to chatting with a strange man at the store. I need to get past you so I can check out and get home to my family. Please step aside, now.”

(I admit, the word “now” came out with more force than I intended. The man is over a foot taller than me, blocking me into a very small space, and causing me to feel very crowded. I have PTSD from some pretty nasty events I have experienced at work, and I dislike being blocked off, so my “work” personality is creeping out. As a brief backstory, I work in a maximum-security prison, but I do not look like it in any way when I am not at work. I purposely make sure I look feminine and am friendly when off-the-clock as it takes a toll to always be the tough guy. Unfortunately, that, coupled with the fact I look barely 18, makes me be underestimated by basically everyone. At this point, the man starts to puff up; he shifts his stance to be more aggressive and “intimidating.”)

Rude Man: *while leaning towards me* “You need to change your tone, little lady, or a man might have to step up and change it for you.”

Me: *internally sighing from frustration* “Bigger and scarier men than you have tried; you are not even phasing me at this point. Step aside, and let me get home to my family. I am not about to deal with this nonsense when I am off the clock.”

Rude Man: *clenching his fists and acting like he is about to either grab at me or swing* “I am not done talking to you yet!”

(He started to raise his voice and started swearing at me and threatening me. This allowed the clerk at the register nearby to realize that there was a person being blocked by this troll, and he and another male employee came over and helped to defuse the situation, allowing me to get to the register and out of the store. I promptly forgot about this man shortly after regaling my family with the story while popping some popcorn for our movie bash that night. What brings me to write this story now is that a few hours ago, I was processing some new intakes from our diagnostic facility and came across one with a 15- to 50-year sentence, recently convicted, and already with a staff-assault under his belt and pending in the court system, that looked oddly familiar. When I collected him from intake to restrain and escort him to our segregation unit, he got a deer-in-headlights look before saying, “S***, I f***** up now.” It was the guy from the store, and turns out he has a few assault charges now.)

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Working Morning Is A Ride

, , , | Right | November 25, 2019

(This story takes place at around 10:00 am during my 8:00 am to 5:00 pm shift. A customer has just walked in the doors. I’m 17 years old and a part-time cashier, so I don’t normally work a morning shift.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Hi, do you need a ride home today?”

Me: “Um, no.”

Customer: “Well, okay. I need help with hardware.”

(I send my manager back with the customer. I turn to my coworker.)

Coworker: “Do you know him?”

Me: “No, I’ve never seen him before.”

(My coworker decides to go out to the parking lot and take a look at the car windshields to see if any of the cars have any indication that they are Uber drivers because I have to take quite a few Ubers to and from work. She comes back in with no luck. The customer comes back up a few minutes later and since I’m with another customer, he walks to my coworker’s register. As he’s leaving, the customer turns to me.)

Customer: “I’m keeping my eyes on you.”

(I’ve told my two managers, but I haven’t seen the customer since. Needless to say, I always have pepper spray on me now, just in case.)

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Sexual Harassment: A Comedy

, , , , , | Right | November 24, 2019

(We keep some of our low-end clearance books in the vestibule of the store. I’m stocking in this area one very cold winter day when two drunk men stagger through the doors.)

Drunk Man #1: “Hey, maybe she can help.”

Drunk Man #2: “Yeah, heh heh heh.”

(The second man’s chuckle immediately makes me cautious, but I paste on a smile and try to sound friendly.)

Me: “Well, I hope so. Is there a specific book you’d like my help in finding?”

Drunk Man #1: “Naw, naw, nothing like that. See, we have a bet, and we can’t seem to settle it.”

Me: “Uh… I can’t Google anything on our computers, sir.”

Drunk Man #2: “That’s okay; we just need a judge. You see, we’re trying to figure out which of us is bigger.”

(Before I could realize what they meant, both of them dropped trou in front of me. Unfortunately for these two would-be perverts, they were too drunk to realize — or remember — what happens when previously-warm body parts are exposed to air that is just above freezing. While I did get to see them bared to the world, I also got a fantastic view of the “Incredible Shrinking Body Parts.” This view, coupled with their suddenly very uncomfortable expressions, set me off. Both men hastily pulled up their pants and fled, while I just clutched my cart and laughed so hard I had tears running down my face. My manager rushed past me with the phone, describing the two men to the police, and I talked with an officer to give a better description. I don’t know if they ever got caught, but their plan backfiring in such a hilarious manner was all the revenge I could ask for.)

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The Indecent Proposal Before Christmas

, , , , | Romantic | November 22, 2019

(I’m an employee at a popular Halloween and costume store. With Halloween around the corner, it’s getting busier. Lines at the register are long; there’s even a line at our fitting rooms, which I’m helping manage. A younger guy walks up to the side of the counter and asks if I work there. While refraining from gesturing to my bright purple apron with the company’s name on it, I smile and say:)

Me: “Yes! Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you have any [Character I don’t know] costumes?”

(I don’t remember seeing that name on any packages in the store. It’s not a large store, but I have missed some things before.)

Me: “I’m not entirely sure. I don’t recognize the name.”

Customer: “Well, she’s a p*rn star.”

(Sexy nurse? Sure. Sexy priest? I can show you. Sexy ninja? Right behind you. P*rn star? Can’t help ya.)

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have any p*rn star costumes. I’m not sure how popular it is, but even so, we don’t have a lot of the classics, either.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Do you have any sexy costumes? For women?”

Me: “Yes, of course! All of our adult costumes are on this half of the store. Women’s are mixed in, with all the sexy costumes, too.”

Customer: “Okay, great! Do you have any wigs?”

Me: “Yep, we have a whole wall of wigs in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Okay. I don’t really like how my girl looks, so I’m trying to dress her up.”

Me: *trying my best to keep my working smile on and my tone polite* “Okay, yeah, we have a ton of wigs in the back, as well as many other accessories including corsets, leggings, and gloves!”

Customer: “Okay, great! Can I have your number?”

(No leading up to it. Blunt. He literally just said he had a girl, and even bashed her looks. Of course, this is the one day I came into work dressed up.)

Me: “Um, sorry, but I’m kind of working right now. It would be unprofessional of me to give out my number.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I feel you.”

(He walked away. I didn’t see where he walked to. I got back to working the fitting rooms and never saw him again. I had a good laugh about it later on. Everyone I told agreed that he was a pig. A pig with ramen noodles for hair.)

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