Look, Here Comes A Consequence, Consequence, Consequence

, , , , , | Romantic | May 11, 2021

When I was in college, we had a very attractive girl in our dorm who in today’s world would have been a social media star. Since things like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat didn’t exist back then, she would set up her personal video camera and record herself and then store the tapes for future viewing. She was extremely athletic and knew it, and thus she would often wear tight Spandex while filming herself.

One day, as she was recording herself, one of the guys in the dorm walked up to her and started trying to chat her up. She literally didn’t acknowledge his presence in any way, and that upset him. He reached out and grabbed her chest. Without missing a beat, she shoved his hand away. He then grabbed her butt, and she again shoved his hand away. He threw a punch at her, and she casually lifted her hand, grabbed his incoming fist, and shoved him to the side. He stomped off.

Two days later, it was revealed to us that the guy was “transferring,” effective immediately. Apparently, the girl had taken the recording to the dean and let her watch.

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Mess With The Cub, You Get The Papa Bear’s Claws

, , , , , , | Legal | April 25, 2021


When I’m fifteen, my family stays in a hotel for an extended time. This hotel has a few washers and dryers on site, which is very convenient for us. My father and I are unloading two dryers, mine on the bottom left and his on the top right. While I bend down to unload my dryer, I feel someone grab my backside.

I stand abruptly, turn, and find myself staring at a strange man. He grins at me, reaching out as if to grab me again. I slap his hands away.

Me: “Don’t touch me.”

Father: *Closing his dryer door* “I didn’t touch you.” *Seeing the other man* “Did you touch her?”

Man: *Stepping back* “No.”

Me: “He grabbed my butt.”

My father is the kind of person who catches spiders in the house and releases them outside, so I never thought he’d be the type of person to do what happens next. He grabs the other man by the back of his neck and slams his face into the dryer door hard enough that it leaves a small dent, before throwing him backward. The other man stumbles, stunned.

My father stays standing between us.

Father: “You should go now.”

Man: *Glaring* “A**hole.”

My father takes a step toward the man.

Father: “Leave.”

The man made a speedy exit. We stopped at the front desk and reported him. The police came and took our statements asking the usual — what was I wearing, what was I doing, did I engage with the man at all before he touched me? I noticed the officer wasn’t writing anything down as he asked, only looking at me with a raised eyebrow before saying they probably wouldn’t be able to do anything.

I never heard anything about it again but we did get charged to repair the dryer door. My father contacted the hotel’s corporate office, apologizing for the dent and explaining what had happened. The charge was removed without comment.

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

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If Only There Was A Bobble Hat For Every Black Hat

, , , | Romantic | April 19, 2021

My sisters and I are on a family skiing holiday in France with our dad; we are from England. I’ve gotten into the hotel lift with one of my younger sisters and two guys; [Guy #1] is wearing a black beanie whilst [Guy #2] is wearing a very bright, multicoloured stripey bobble hat with a neon green and pink bobble. [Guy #1] gives us a very obvious once-over whilst clearly trying not to look obvious. He nudges [Guy #2] and nods to us, and he glances at us.

Guy #1: *Quite loudly* “They’re fit. The s*** I’d do to them…”

Guy #2: *Shaking his head* “’Cause that’s not creepy, [Guy #1]. Just ogling two random girls and then talking about them.”

Guy #1: “Chill, they’re French. They don’t understand.”

Guy #2: “They can still pick up on body language and tone. You’re about as subtle as a brick to the face. Plus, it’s still creepy. Even if they weren’t in an enclosed square with us, they’re people, you get that?”

Guy #1: “I’m not like, saying I’d hurt them. Just like, I’d show ’em a good time.”

Guy #2: “Mate, no.”

Guy #1: “If they consented! Obviously!”

Guy #2: “It’s creepy to talk about two girls like that! Basic respect is a basic right!”

Guy #1: “They’re French! We’re speaking English! It’s fine!”

Sister: “Just FYI, French people learn English in school.”

There’s a really awkward silence. [Guy #2] takes off his hat and starts twisting it.

Guy #1: “Your English is very good”

Me: “That’s because we’re British.”

There’s another really awkward silence. [Guy #2] twists his hat more.

Guy #1: “Soooooooo… wanna like… get a drink later?”

Guy #2: *Hitting [Guy #1] with his hat* “Mate! No! Stop! I swear he’s just an idiot with absolute zero awareness; he’s not some dodgy perv that hurts girls! Or anyone, really! Paper bags are a bigger threat, I swear!”

The lift opens, and [Guy #2] pushes [Guy #1] out.

Guy #2: “Lovely meeting you. I’m really sorry!”

A few days later, we’re grabbing breakfast in the hotel lobby with our dad.

Dad: “That was weird.”

Me: *Not really paying attention* “Hmm?”

Dad: “Two guys walked in, one in the brightest bobble hat I have ever seen, the other in a black hat. Bobble Hat seemed to look at [Sister], grabbed Black Hat, and pushed him out of the lobby.”

We clued Dad into what had happened but didn’t see much of either of the two guys. I can only presume [Guy #2] would spot us and steer [Guy #1] away.

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Handy That You Have Teeth

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2021

A family — mom, dad, and three very adult children — with a HEAPING cart of stuff rolls through the line. They start to load things onto the counter and I start scanning as fast as I can, smiling, asking how their day is, what projects they were planning on making, just being a polite retail cashier.

Then, I look up for a second and one of the sons says, in a heavy accent and very broken English:

Son: “No English, just have things. What is price?”

I assume he’s asking for the price of the last item and point at the card reader while reading off the item and its price. All of a sudden, he just turns around and runs back into the shopping area with his mom and sister, leaving me with the dad and another son, neither of whom speaks English. I smile sheepishly and start scanning again. 

They keep asking for the price over and over. Eventually, I just turn my computer screen so they can watch it there. Then, I notice the dad is staring at me. Like… weirdly staring. The whole time. I smile again, being polite, but it’s starting to fall into that “I’m creeped out” smile; you know the one.

The dad then TOUCHES MY HAND WITH HIS and smiles really wide and says something in a language I don’t know. I pull back and look at the son.

Son: “Father like smile, pretty white teeth, good mouth.”

Me: *Awkward chuckle* “Yeah… Thanks.”

I look over at the other register but he’s too busy trying to keep the line down since we’re short-staffed. The dad touches my hand a couple more times while we wait for his family to come back. 

When they do come back, they finally explain that they have a gift card and aren’t usually in the states, so they need to use all of it in one go. It takes forever but I get them rung up. 

They want help taking stuff out. I notice my backup, a really nice guy with the heart of an angel who has saved my awkward butt more than a few times, has finally noticed I’m really uncomfortable. He steps up and starts grabbing bags and walks them outside and I finally go back to normal customers. The next customer has been waiting for a while.

Me: “I’m so sorry for that wait.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s really no problem. In fact, I heard what that man said to you about your teeth. Is there any way I can give you some sort of recognition for dealing with that?”

Me: “Oh! Well, we have these cards…”

Customer: “Gimme, I’ll fill out like ten. You did so great.”

Me: “Thanks! Thank you so much!”

I helped her find some good coupons on her phone to thank her for my thank-you card.

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Whatever Happened To, “Hi, Nice To Meet You”?

, , , , , | Romantic | April 9, 2021

I’m in a coffee shop drinking a coffee, and some guy approaches my table with a glowing smile like he has spotted a close friend.

Guy: “Jamie! What’s up? Long time, no see! Remember me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Guy: “We used to hang out at that thing…” *Snapping fingers repeatedly* “God, I forgot the name of it. It was such a while ago… but how’s it going?” *Taking a seat*

Me: “I think you’re mistaken.”

Guy: “Jamie, right? It’s me, [Guy]. You don’t remember me, do you? That’s okay. I’m sure you’ve had a crazy schedule. How’ve you been, though? It’s awesome running into you here!”

Me: “If you are referring to the ‘Jamie’ stitched here on the front of my shirt, that’s my dad. I’m just wearing his shirt because I’m out of laundry. That’s not to mention that I’ve only been in this town for about a week because my husband and I are here visiting him. Can I drink my coffee in peace, please?”

Guy: “Oh… uh… Sorry.” *Slinking away*

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