Some Quick Tips On How To Get Rejected

, , , | Right | CREDIT: NeedyNeuroticBaby | July 24, 2021

I work at a pizza chain, and I am the closer for the lounge. This table of two guys comes in and immediately one guy starts hitting on me. He asks for my number every time I go to get refills for them. I go to my bartender every time and bring it up. It gets so obnoxious and annoying I actually ask one of the other servers — gay, flamboyant, and not working at the moment — if I can hand his number to them. I don’t end up doing that because they will get the wrong idea and they know where I work.

Finally, I bring the table their bill. The guy asks once again while he’s using the machine to pay.

Guy: “Do you have a boyfriend or something?”

Me: “Yeah, I do, actually.”

Guy: “Oh, well, if you didn’t, I’d give you a tip.”

Big. Fat. Zero. Tip.

His friend actually made a comment when he said that.

I don’t understand. I was clearly not interested before; I’m definitely not interested now. Also, I am working. It’s my job to be nice to you; that does not mean I am flirting.

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The Worst Possible Way To Spend Your Lunch Break

, , , | Romantic | CREDIT: redheadedsidhe | July 20, 2021

I have just been hired by a new online bank. A man calls in to sort out something on his bank account, and I fix it for him with no problem.

Man: “Can we do the same thing on my wife’s account?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. That’s your wife’s personal account; you don’t have access.”

The man is upset by this and tries to argue me into breaking the law for him.

Man: “It’s my wife! We share money; what’s hers is mine! And besides, she’s right here next to me!”

Me: “Since your name is not on the account, you can’t make any changes to it or access any information about it. I’m very sorry for the inconvenience. Your wife can call in or use our online chat at any time, but she has to be the one to do it.”

The man is frustrated but eventually gives in.

I start to sign off, happy to get to lunch on time, when suddenly, I am interrupted.

Man: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “I don’t see how that’s relevant, sir. If there’s nothing else I can do for yo—”

Man: “You sound young, like a gorgeous young woman.”

Me: “Sir, this is a business line. I am at work.”

Man: “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Me: “Sir—”

Man: “I can make it worth your while. I have plenty of money to spend on a pretty little thing like you!”

Please note that there is under £150 in his account at the moment, which just makes this funnier.

Man: “I love spoiling girls like you. I’ll give you my number.”

Me: “The bank already has your number; you are calling in from it.”

Man: “Here, take this down; my number is [phone number].”

Me: “I can see your number; it’s attached to the bank account. I won’t be calling you, sir. I am at work, and I can’t take any private customer information home.”

Man: “Nobody has to know. It can be our little secret.”

I don’t say it, but I am wondering about the wife who is “right beside him, agreeing to let him access the account” and what she thinks of all this.

Man: “Come on, you know you want me. Any girl like you wants to be spoiled by someone like me. Come on, baby girl.”

I eventually got him to hang up, but half my lunch break was taken up.

It’s also worth noting that a few months later, he emailed in with a legitimate concern, but the email had two attachments. One was ID, which we needed to make the change, and the other was a d**k picture.

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This Book Is Mein Now

, , , , | Working | July 5, 2021

When I’m thirteen, my family is on a trip together and we stop at a small village for lunch and some fresh air. My whole family is ethnically Chinese, and this whole village only has white people in it.

As we are strolling through town, my seventeen-year-old spots an old books shop and decides to take a look inside. I follow her in. As we enter, the bookshop owner looks up and just stares at us. He’s a bald old man that looks like the exact image of an “old, white academic.”

My cousin immediately spots a book she wants to read and pounces on it. I stand beside her and browse the bookshelf. It’s full of Nazi stuff, which my cousin is interested in. She does history in school and is really disappointed that finding surviving Nazi literature is difficult back home, so she is really excited to find their books, especially translated versions.

She reads it for five minutes or so before the bookshop owner comes up to us. He still hasn’t stopped staring.

Owner: “Are you enjoying that book, miss?”

Cousin: “Yes, I am. How much is it?”

Owner: “For you, sixteen pounds.”

My cousin nods and pulls out her wallet.

Owner: “Where are you from?”

Cousin: “Singapore.”

She passes him the bills, but when he takes them, he holds her hand for a very long time.

Owner: “Ah. China. It’s good that you’re learning a second language.”

Cousin: “Singapore isn’t in China. And English is my first language.”

Owner: “Of course.”

He is still holding her hand and staring right into her eyes. My cousin pulls her hands away, placing the money on a nearby table.

Cousin: “Uh, [My Name]. I think it’s time to go now.”

Me: “Okay.”

Owner: “No, please, stay. I’ve never met someone from China before.”

He reached out and tried to grab her as he said that. My cousin turned white as a sheet and batted his hand away with her book, grabbed my wrist with her other hand, and practically ran out of the shop.

There has to be some irony in a Chinese female using a Nazi book to defend herself against a racist creep, but at that point, we were too busy running for our lives to notice it.

We found my dad and aunt, and my cousin quickly filled them in and demanded that we get in the car and leave ASAP. My dad looked like he wanted to punch the bookshop owner’s teeth out, but my aunt had the car keys and overruled him, so we all piled in and hightail it out of there.

It was only an hour later that I realised that I was still holding the book I was reading before our hasty retreat, but my aunt and cousin were adamant that we were never stepping foot within a twenty-mile radius of that village ever again, so I wound up keeping the book.

And that’s how I stole my copy of “Mein Kampf.”

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The Only Sixteen Years He Should Be Getting Is In Jail

, , , | Right | July 3, 2021

I am sixteen, working at my first ever job. A middle-aged dude with his son keeps hitting on me and trying to buy me chocolate and get my number.

Me: “Sir, I am sixteen.”

Customer: “Who cares?”

I excused myself and hid in the back until he was gone. Ew!

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Even Dudes Don’t Want To See You Nude

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: ANONYMOUS BY REQUEST | July 3, 2021

As a delivery lady for several years, I’ve definitely seen some stuff. I’ve seen people coming to the door wearing only a blanket or awkwardly trying to hide behind the door, a lady who chased me down the road wearing just a bra and panties, etc. Even though it’s all inappropriate, I just shrug it off.

I recently delivered a pizza to a guy who answered the door wearing nothing but some droopy undies. I guess his way of a half-apology was to say:

Customer: “I thought you’d be a dude.”

When I get back to the store, I talk to the other delivery guys.

Me: “Do you guys really think it’s okay for people to come to the door dressed inappropriately just because you’re dudes?”

Coworkers: “It happens.”

I know you have to have a bit of a thick skin for this job, I still think it’s SOCIALLY inappropriate to answer the door undressed just because you assume it’s going to be a dude on the way.

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