A Freudian Slip Below The Neckline

, , , | Right | September 18, 2018

(It’s a quiet evening and I am the only staff member on the shop floor. I am a 19-year-old female. Two middle-aged male customers walk into the store. They browse for a bit and then bring a DVD and some snacks to the counter.)

Me: “Good evening. How are you both?”

Customer: “Hi. Just these, please.”

(The customer places the items on the desk, and I ring them through while making general conversation. The transaction goes normally, until this…)

Customer: “So, did it hurt when you got your nipples pierced?”

Me: “Um…”

(I have my nose, ears, and navel pierced, but no other piercings, so I am not sure how to reply to this.)

Customer: “Oh, my God… Nose! I meant, did it hurt when you got your nose pierced?!”

Me: *relieved and trying not to laugh* “Oh! Yes, it did a little, but it wasn’t too bad.”

(I finish the transaction, somehow managing not to dissolve into laughter, and the customers leave the store. At this point, I can no longer keep it in, and burst into laughter, just as my supervisor walks onto the shop floor. I explain to him what just took place.)

Supervisor: “He was probably just trying his hardest not to stare at your chest, and that ended up being a Freudian slip!”

Taking A Boob To The Eye

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2018

(I work at an optical. In the state of Arizona it is required to update your contact and glasses prescription once a year. Also, it is illegal for an optical to sell or give out contacts on an expired prescription. We could lose our license and ability to operate. Sadly, this situation happens ALL THE TIME! A customer walks in quickly, pushing herself in front of everyone, and waves in my face to get my attention, which she already had.)

Customer: “HELLOOOO! Oh, my gosh, this is such an emergency! I dropped one of my contacts down the sink, and I’m about to go on a date!”

Me: “Well, that’s no good! Let me look it up in the system. What’s your name?”

Customer: *states name*

Me: “I’m so sorry, but it seems like you’re overdue for an exam and we need to update the RX before we can give you cont—”

Customer: “WHAT?! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! GET YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Sure.”

(I tell my manager the situation, and he sighs and quickly walks up. The customer is turned around doing something with her button-up blouse.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am. What—”

Customer: *whips around with her blouse unbuttoned so low that her boobs are practically falling out* “Hi! Wow! Your eyes are super pretty! Is there any way I can get one little contact? See, it’s super-duper important!” *smiles huge and bats eyelashes*

Manager: *who is happily married* “No, sorry, ma’am. It is illegal here in Arizona to dispense an expired RX.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I KNOW THAT. CAN’T YOU DO IT JUST THIS ONCE?!”

Manager: “Sorry, no, but I can schedule you—”

Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU MUST BE GAY!” *storms out*

Me: “Uh… okay?”


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Must Really Appreciate Good Banking

, , , | Right | September 13, 2018

(I work for a bank call centre. A customer calls in to redeem his money, and this happens at the end of the call.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll receive the funds in [amount] business days; is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I love you.”

Me: *long pause* “Have a good day.”

Aging Of Innocence

, , , , | Right Romantic | September 8, 2018

(I’m cashiering in the early morning. An older man comes through my line and as usual I try to be friendly, polite, and provide the best service I can.)

Customer: *after I’ve finished scanning and bagging about all his things* “You know you’re a real sweetheart, and do a great job!”

Me: *smiling, as the compliment seems genuine and kind* “Thank you, sir, your total is [total]. Would you like help out to your car today?”

(He declines, pays, and I hand over his change.)

Customer: *as I hand over his bags* “If I was sixty years younger, I’d try to kiss you!”

(I’m quite shocked at this. Yes, I am a young woman in college, but I’ve never had something like this happen.)

Me: *giving a little fake chuckle* “Have a great morning, sir.”

(He laughed and walked away. I stood at my register still in slight shock. I’d heard about stuff like this happening but I honestly felt really flustered and embarrassed. In all honestly, though, I’m sure the customer didn’t mean to offend me and was just trying to be sweet.)

Love-Sick As A Parrot

, , , , , , , | Romantic | September 1, 2018

I come to Canada with my grandmother so she can meet my boyfriend. She and I are going to meet him for lunch, and we have a bit of time to spare, so she and I figure we’ll go to a nearby butterfly garden. This garden is also home to some parrots, which is my main interest in going, as I’m fascinated with birds of all sorts. I am taking pictures of a beautiful parrot when all of a sudden he flies at me. He lands on my arm and begins walking all over me, and, again, being an avid birder, I am quite excited. Little children come up to pet him while he is on my arm, also full of excitement.

Then, things become a little awkward.

The bird starts getting all sorts of frisky with my hand. A little girl tries to get him to move to her arm, which, thank goodness, he refuses, but he keeps going at my hand. By the time he finally flies away, I have a small crowd of kids surrounding me and the bird, petting him while he does unspeakable things, and I do my best to downplay what is happening.

When I tell my boyfriend about it later, we have quite a good laugh!

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