Dutifully Praising Your Sense Of Duty

, , , , | Working | October 23, 2017

(I’ve recently taken a job as a secretary after the person who previously held the position was let go for less than stellar performance. My new boss seems like a demanding person, but I quickly come to realize that his expectations are low. It leads to several conversations like this one:)

Boss: “[My Name], I wanted to let you know I was very impressed with how you handled things while I was traveling.”

Me: *confused because it was very quiet while he was gone* “Uh, thank you?”

Boss: “That email you sent out, you know, when you rearranged a phone call. That was excellent!”

(A task like that would be very basic for someone new to the job. Having several years of experience, I’m completely baffled that someone would bring it up at all.)

Me: “I… You know that’s routine, right? Thank you, but it was just an email.”

Boss: “No, seriously, the way you handled that was very professional. And… Now you’re looking at me like I’m crazy because I’m praising you for something you think should go without saying.”

Me: “Sorry! I love positive feedback; who doesn’t? I’m just confused.”

Boss: “Just let me enjoy this for a bit.”

(Later, he walks by my office as I’m about to finish my last task for the day.)

Boss: “[My Name], what are you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be going home?”

Me: “My shift ended two minutes ago. It’s fine; I’m just sending out that request for information before I leave.”

Boss: “But you could leave that until tomorrow morning.”

Me: “Sure, but you said we need the reply by tomorrow afternoon. If I send it out tomorrow, how much do you want to bet that there will be someone who complains because half a day isn’t enough time to send us a yes or no reply?”

(I’m looking at my screen as I say this, but my boss goes so quiet that I look up and see him staring at me.)

Me: “Everything all right?”

Boss: “I’m not going to say anything, because then you’ll get that expression again as if you’re wondering if I’ve lost my mind. Just… That’s why I hired you. Please stay.”

Dealing With Ignorance Is A Lottery

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I run a lottery pool at work and buy tickets every week. The lottery that we buy tickets for has a draw twice a week. For simplicity’s sake, I like to get one ticket that covers both draws. This happens almost every time I go to buy one.)

Me: “I’d like a ticket for [Lottery], please, for the next two draws.”

Clerk: “Huh?”

Me: “I’d like a ticket that has the same number for both the Wednesday and the Saturday draw.”

Clerk: “Then you want two tickets.”

Me: “No. Two tickets would be two different numbers. I want just one ticket for both draws.”

Clerk: “We don’t do that.”

Me: “Um, yes, you do. I buy tickets like that all the time.”

Clerk: “No, we don’t.” *turns to more experienced colleague* “Right?”

Colleague: “Actually, we do. Here, I’ll show you.”

Clerk: “But, that means that the ticket will cost $8 instead of $4.” *gives me a triumphant “Gotcha” expression*

Me: “Yes, that’s right.” *holds out the $8 that I had all ready to go*

Clerk: “Oh.”

No Pods, Pads, Or Sense

, , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

Customer: “Do you sell iPods?”

Coworker: *doesn’t quite hear* “Sorry, did you say iPods or iPads?”

Customer: “iPods.”

Coworker: “Sorry, we don’t sell those.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. But you have iPads?”

Coworker: “No, sorry. We don’t sell those.”

Put A Lid On Your Totally Reasonable Demands!

, , , , , , | Working | October 18, 2017

(I stop at a frozen custard shop to pick up some treats to take home for my family. The shop takes orders and then calls out items as they’re ready. I order three items “to go.” Soon, the employee is at the window calling out one of the items I’ve ordered, but without a lid, so I figure it isn’t mine. Eventually, though, I go to the window.)

Me: “Is that the [item] I ordered?”

Employee: “Did you order [item]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: *tries to hand me the item*

Me: “To go…”

Employee: *looks at me blankly*

Me: “…which means it needs a lid.”

(The employee grabbed a lid, put it on the item, and handed it to me. She then tried to hand me the next two items I’d ordered without lids, too; I had to tell her they also needed them.)

Will Make You Want A Drink In The End

, , , , , , | Working | October 16, 2017

Me: “Hello. Could I have a [chicken burger] please? Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Would you like cheese?”

Me: “No, thanks. Just the plain burger.”

Cashier: “What drink would you like?”

Me: “No drink. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “You choose the drink from the machine there.”

Me: “I just want the burger.”

Cashier: “So, you want a bottle?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Okay. That’s £6.30 please.”

Me: “The board says it’s £4.50.”

Cashier: “That’s for the burger on its own.”

Me: “That’s what I want. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Do you want chips?”

Me: “No. Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Do you want a drink?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “Just the burger?”

Me: “Just the burger.”

Cashier: “That’s £4.50, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

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