Wanted To Have The Last Bad Word

, , , , , | Legal | January 17, 2019

(I’ve been getting a lot of scam calls since I’ve been on maternity leave, with various claims. This call is the third in one morning, and I’ve had enough.)

Scammer: “I’m calling from [Telecom Provider]. Your Internet is about to be cut off.”

Me: “This is ridiculous; it’s obviously a scam. Please stop calling me. Don’t you have anything better to do? Just f*** off and get a life!” *hangs up*

(Two minutes later the phone rings again.)

Scammer: “F*** you, too!” *hangs up*

Me: *laughs*

(The scammer was actually so upset that he rang back just to say that!)

Saved On Your Car Insurance AND Got Some Muffins!

, , , | Working | January 15, 2019

(I have just finished a closing shift at ten and my mom comes to pick me up. A coffee shop nearby doesn’t close until 10:30, so we pull through to get drinks. I am starving since I haven’t had dinner yet. I know they may not have any food since it is so late at night, but I ask anyway. The following takes place over the intercom.)

Mom: “Hey, I know it’s late, but do you guys have any muffins or anything still for sale?”

Cashier: “Well, I have some good news for you.”

Mom & Me: *excited* “Really?”

Cashier: “Yeah. I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”

(My mom and I laugh out loud.)

Cashier: “But in all seriousness, we do have some muffins left.”

Mom: “Thanks so much for making our night.”

Beerly Survived That One

, , , , | Working | January 15, 2019

(I’m at a festival, buying items from a merchant.)

Me: “Do you take cards?”

Merchant: *takes my card* “I take them, but I don’t give them back. Have a nice day.” *turns and steps into his tent, then returns a moment later with a sigh* “You’re going to want this back, aren’t you?”

Me: “Well, I haven’t had any food yet.”

Merchant: *starts processing payment* “Food? Who needs food? Food’s overrated!”

Me: “I haven’t had any beer yet, either.”

Merchant: “Fair enough. I’ll have mercy on you. Food, you can live without, but beer is a necessity.”

(I took my purchase and my card, and went to get some food and beer.)

You’re Not Going Crackers

, , , | Right | January 15, 2019

(I’m in a grocery store to pick up some empty boxes and grab a few ingredients for dinner while I’m there. While I used to work for the company, I left over a year ago and never worked at this particular location. I’m dressed in a black sweatshirt with a large event logo that looks nothing like the store’s logo.)

Customer #1: *pointing to wrapped cucumbers* “Excuse me. These are cucumbers, right?”

Me: *picking one up for my own purchases* “Yep, they’re the regular ones, for $1.69.”

Customer #1: “Thank you!” *he looks over at me* “Oh! I’m sorry, I thought you worked here.”

Me: “That’s okay, I used to. Glad I could help.”

(I continue through the store and end up in another aisle looking around for a smaller item. A lady approaches me while I was looking.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, could you recommend me some crackers? Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought you worked here!”

Me: *laughing* “No, but I used to. Tell you what. I was always good with pairings, and I need to get some crackers myself. I’ll take you over there and help you find some.”

Customer #2: “Oh, thank you so much!”

A Corn Chip Off The Old Country Block

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2019

(I am a white woman. I am buying a brand of corn chip that comes with each chip rolled into a little tube, usually bright red, and touted as being very spicy. The guy behind the register is an older, white dude.)

Employee: *examining bag* “Can you eat these?”

Me: *assuming he’s referring to the spicy warning on the bag* “Oh, I don’t think they’re too spicy. I’m not even a spicy fiend and I think these are good. You should try them sometime.”

Employee: “No, I mean, I thought this was supposed to be for the Hispanics.”

Me: *taken aback* “Uh… Well, I mean, I don’t think it’s ‘for’ anyone specifically.”

(He gives me a dubious look.)

Me: *after a pause* “I can eat them, too.”

(He didn’t say anything else, but he looked very skeptical. It was so weird. I told a friend of mine about it later, who IS Hispanic, and she thought it was hilarious. Now, whenever we go out somewhere together and she’s coveting whatever food I’ve ordered, no matter what it is, she’ll act like she’s taking it away while saying sadly, “I’m sorry, [My Name], but this isn’t FOR you. It’s for Hispanics.”)

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