Real Life Random Key Generator

, , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

(On my way into the office one morning, when I stop to get the mail, I see a key has been left inside for one of the package mailboxes. I go to open it and realize the key doesn’t even remotely fit for the box it indicates it’s for. I try the other one to be sure, but of course, it doesn’t work. There’s nothing to be done for it at the moment, so I take it with me to my office and explain to my boss. He says he’ll call the post office to figure it out. Later, he tells me what the mail person said.)

Boss: “They said they couldn’t find the right key, so they just left that one and hoped it worked.”

Me: “So… they don’t have the key to their own box, so they gave us a key on the one-in-a-trillion chance it’d somehow work?”

Boss: “Apparently.”

(I asked for more information, like maybe it was an old key or went to neighboring boxes and they hoped it was the same key, but my boss was under the strong impression that the mail person literally just grabbed a random key and slapped the box number on it. I’m still baffled months later.)

A Walking Joke Becomes A Running Joke

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2019

I was laptop shopping with my Dad, looking for a small laptop to take on my travels. This was ten years ago or so before iPads were really a thing, so I needed a small laptop to keep in touch with home.

We were browsing the different laptops when a member of staff came up to ask if we needed any help.

Dad had already noticed that there were higher-spec laptops for less money, but they were too big for my use, so he queried with the member of staff why they were cheaper.

The reply was that bigger laptops are heavier; therefore you can’t walk as fast with them, so people won’t pay as much for them.

I had to walk away to stop myself from laughing in this poor guy’s face. It’s still a running joke; when I added an extra SSD to my laptop today we said it has lost its value now as I won’t be able to walk as fast with it.

Burger And The Beast

, , , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(Some friends of mine and I are leaving a hotel parking garage in my car. I pull up to the payment booth. There are two employees inside; one is waving around a fast food hamburger and chewing out the other.)

Employee: “F****** idiot! How can you totally screw up a simple hamburger order?!”

(The angry employee turns to me and it’s like he flips a personality switch.)

Employee: *now calm* “Hello, sir. I hope your stay with us was pleasant. May I have your parking ticket, please?”

(I hand it to him and he begins yelling at the other employee again.)

Employee: *angry again* “I mean, good f****** God! Look at all this ketchup and s***!” *turns back to me, calm again* “That will be $[total], sir.”

(I pay, and as he counts the money he turns on his apparently hamburger-ordering-challenged coworker yet again.)

Employee: *angry again* “Were you always a f****** idiot or did you burn your brain out with drugs or something?”

(As the gate opens, he bids me farewell.)

Employee: *once again calm* “Thank you, sir, and have a safe drive home. Come back and visit us again!”

(As we drove off, we could hear him still yelling at the other employee.)

We Used To Have Dragon, But They’re Harder To Come By These Days

, , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(I’m living briefly in England, not known for the availability of half-decent wings. I find a place that has good ones, and knowing that they probably come in frozen, I want to know what brand they are so I can look for them in the grocery store.)

Me: “What kind of wings are these?”

Waiter: *with a perfectly straight face* “Chicken.”

Making That Mistake Ten-Fold

, , , , , , | Working | April 23, 2019

(On my way home from my usual late shift, I stop at a drive-thru to get something to eat before bed. Since not much is open, I end up at a chain known for a wide variety of options and late-night drive-thru. After ordering, my total comes up as $9.36, so I hand the young cashier a $20 bill and 36 cents in change. She hits a button on the register, looks confused, and then hands me back the 36 cents.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, I hit the button for $20 and I don’t know how to fix it.”

(Since I know that these registers often have a button that saves time by inputting $20 and then confirming everything, I realize this is an easy mistake to make and keep my grumbling silent. I know that an easy fix for this is simply to give me back $11 without changing anything on the register itself, but some people don’t understand how the till accounting works and stick to the numbers on the screen religiously. It’ll leave me with a lot more change in my pocket when I’d rather have a $1 bill, but this isn’t the end of the world, so I let it slide. She then takes a bit longer than normal to count out all the change, and then hands me back 64 cents and two $10 bills. I look at the bills in bafflement for a minute before handing one of them back to her.)

Me: “Um… You gave me too much. Put this back in the drawer.”

(She then spent the next minute trying to figure out how to open the drawer to return the bill. My food was finished and I drove off before she figured it out. Thinking back on it, I regret not asking for the manager and explaining the situation to them. I didn’t want to get her in trouble, but she obviously needed more training or supervision, and I’m not sure how many other customers would’ve returned the bonus $10 she paid me.)

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