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Not Gifted In Honesty

, , , , | Working | September 22, 2021

Caller: “Hello, this is [Caller] from [Company]. At no obligation to you, would you be interested in hearing about a program for your gifted child?”

Me: “Sure.”

The caller goes on to explain the program. It’s one of those programs where you get activities every month.

Caller: “So, at no obligation to you, would you be interested in receiving the first month’s activities for your gifted child?”

Me: “Sure.”

Caller: “Okay, how many children do you have?”

Me: “Two.”

Caller: “And how old are they?”

Me: “Five and ten years old.”

Caller: “And which one is gifted?”

Me: “Both.”

Caller: “Both?”

Me: “Yes.” 

The ten-year-old is in the gifted program at school. The five-year-old is reading at a fourth-grade reading level and their kindergarten teacher is going to recommend them for the gifted program.

Caller: “Okay.”

The caller continues to take my information.

Caller: “Now I just need your credit card number.”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “I need your credit card number.”

Me: “Why?”

Caller: “To complete the sign-up for the program.”

Me: “But you said there was no obligation to me.”

Caller: “There isn’t. I just need your credit card number.”

Me: “You said there was no obligation to me.”

Caller: “I need your credit card number to send the program to you.”

Me: “If there is no obligation to me, then I’m not obliged to give you my credit card number. Send me the information and the activity so I can decide if I want to purchase the program.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone and then the caller hung up. I never did receive the activity or any information about the program.

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It Was Just An Accident And Those Are The Fax

, , , , | Working | September 22, 2021

I work for a telephone service that occasionally takes overflow calls from a pest control company. There were wasps everywhere and our client is slammed with calls, so we have to take quite a lot of them. In fact, we have to take so many of them that we have to hire new temp staff and every corner of the office where there is space for a desk and a phone has a desk and a phone.

One of our new temp staffers was our boss’s eighteen-year-old nephew. He was great on the phone, completely unflappable, and very good with the customers. However, he had only had a few hours’ worth of training on the telephone system and wasn’t 100% comfortable with the button-pushing.

The policy when we got abusive customers on the line and couldn’t handle them on our own was to transfer them to our boss, and if he couldn’t handle them, he’d transfer them to the client and let them deal with them.

It was late in the day and we were all completely exhausted from taking non-stop calls. The boss’s nephew got a call from an irate customer who was screaming so loud that I could hear it from across the room.

The poor nephew asked the boss for help, and the boss told him to transfer the customer to his phone.

The nephew tried to do exactly that, but unfortunately pressed the wrong button and the abusive customer was transferred… directly to our fax machine.

Please bear in mind that we were all extremely exhausted at this point and just waiting for the moment when we would be allowed to close the switchboard, but we all had to excuse ourselves, mute our calls, and break down into hysterical laughter.

We never heard anything more about it from our client, but from that day on, whenever someone had an abusive customer, we just told them to “transfer them to the fax.”

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Of Mice And Maps

, , , , , , | Working | September 20, 2021

I just started at a new company. I needed a second mouse for travel and was told by my manager to call [Employee] to get one.

Around 1:00 pm, I called [Employee].

Me: “I need a travel mouse. Where are you? I’d be happy to come by your office to pick it up.”

Employee: “No. I’ll come to your office to drop it off.”

She insisted. I had not seen her by 5:00 pm but chalked it up to her being busy.

The next afternoon at 1:00 pm, I still didn’t have my mouse, so I called [Employee] and asked about the mouse, again offering to come to her office. She became somewhat agitated on the phone.

Employee: “I dropped one off already!”

Me: “I didn’t see it anywhere. Maybe you dropped it off in the wrong office? My office is—”

Employee: “I couldn’t possibly have put it in the wrong office. Look behind your desk, under your chair, and in your desk drawers.”

I couldn’t find it anywhere, so she said she’d bring me another one and rather blatantly implied that she thought I just hadn’t looked hard enough.

By the next afternoon at 1:00 pm, I still had not seen [Employee] or my extra mouse. I called her again asking about it. This time, she blew up at me.

Employee: “I’ve brought you two mice! What keeps happening to them? Maybe your officemate is stealing them!”

Me: “Are you sure you’re not going to the wrong office? My name isn’t on the door yet.”

She became livid and said, loudly enough that my officemate heard her through the phone, that she would be in my office in five minutes, and then hung up before I could verify what office she was going to go to.

Fifteen minutes later, she walked in, announced that she had been putting the mice in the wrong office, handed me a mouse, and left again.

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How Hard Is It To Get Oxygen Around Here?!

, , , | Working | September 20, 2021

My doctor orders an overnight oxygen saturation test for me. I’ve done this before but,  unfortunately, the company I used to use for oxygen supplies is no longer in my insurance coverage, so I’m assigned to a new company and their policy states that they need a test done on their own monitor. I’m on the phone with the representative as he is explaining it to me.

Representative #1: “Have you done this before?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve done a few.”

Representative #1: “Oh. Are you on oxygen now?”

Me: “At night.”

Representative #1: “With us?”

Me: “Oh, no, I was with [Other Company], but my insurance won’t cover them anymore.”

Representative #1: “Ohhh, I see. Yeah, okay. Well then, I don’t have to explain it to you! So, when can you pick it up?”

My last company shipped everything to me, so I’m thrown by the change. But a different company has different rules, so I go along with it.

Me: “Oh, um… Well, I work 7:00 am to 6:00 pm so—”

Representative #1: *Suddenly unhappy* “We’re open nine to twelve and one to four, so you’d have to come get it then.”

Me: “I guess I could come over my lunch. What’s your—”

Representative #1: *Happy again* “Great! When?”

Me: “What’s your address?”

Representative #1: “[Address thirty-five minutes away from work].”

Me: “Oh. I would have to ask my boss for an extended lunch, but I guess either Wednesday or Friday. Is that okay?”

Representative #1: “Perfect. See you then!” *Hangs up*

On Thursday night, I’m out for dinner with a few friends when the oxygen company calls again. 

Me: “Hello?”

Representative #2: *Sharply* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Representative #2: “Are you coming to pick up your test?”

Me: “Yes, as I told the—”

Representative #2: “You told [Representative #1] that you would be here yesterday.”

Me: “No, I—”

Representative #2: “We have other people needing this test. We can’t just hold it for you.”

Me: “I told [Representative #1] that it would be Wednesday or Friday.”

Representative #2: “It says here Wednesday.”

Me: “I distinctly said I would have to take an extended lunch and it would be Wednesday or Friday.”

Representative #2: “Well, that’s not what your file says.”

Me: “I know what I told him.”

Representative #2: “Our calls are recorded, ma’am. I could check yours.”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Representative #2: “What?”

Me: “Go check it. I’ll wait. You said [Representative #1] was his name, right?”

I hear him take a deep breath.

Representative #2: “So, you’ll be in tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes. Between twelve and one.”

Representative #2: “We close at one. Don’t be late.”

He hung up on me. I left work fifteen minutes early, got there at about 12:20, got my monitor, and left.

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Serving Up Nothing But Smiles

, , , , | Right | September 20, 2021

I’m sitting in a small restaurant I frequent when a family of four walks in and sits down at a table. It’s a father, mother, and two girls between seven and ten years old. The younger of the girls looks rather grumpy.

After a moment, the waiter comes and asks for their drink order. When he asks the younger girl what she would like to drink, she just makes a face and sticks her tongue out at him. Her mother is just about to scold her, while her father apologizes and tries to explain that she has been grumpy all day, although they don’t really know why.

The waiter, however, pretty much ignores them, and without missing a beat…

Waiter: “I’m sorry, but we currently don’t have any bllll.” *Sticks out his tongue* “We also don’t have any gnnnn.” *Makes a pouting face* “And our brrrrr is out, too.” *Makes a cross-eyed face*

By then, the girl was actually giggling and her mood had completely turned around.

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